2017-03-06: Wherein Zed Makes Someone Cry

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  • Log: Wherein Zed Makes Someone Cry
  • Cast: Zed, Gwen Whitlock
  • Where: Silver Coast
  • Date: March 6th, 2017
  • Summary: One moonlit night, Zed comes across a fleeing, screaming bandit. Upon investigating the source, Zed finds himself facing his most challenging foe yet: TEARS! Will he persevere, or will he be doomed to baldness?

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

The Mockingbird ESR, the ARM that serves in the place of Gwen's arm, is waterproof. It's proof a lot of nice things that a normal machine would have trouble with. It'd probably withstand a lot more things if the body it's attached to wasn't, well, human. It cannot withstand smelling like it soaked in Bartweiser beer, which was an aspect that happened courtesy of a Bar Room Brawl that left said Bar in ruins. Gwen had nothing to do with it!

Gwen is still _laying low_.

And now, she can finally camp for the night and get to a good thorough cleaning of her ARM. It's a ritual most gunsmoke-type owners have to deal with, but for Gwen.... well.

This leads to the next part of this scene: a bandit. He saw that fancy metal arm thing when he was in the tavern. It's gotta be, what, Metal Demon Wars era, maybe? She mentioned it, even! It'd be a nice, nice addition to his collection. His very first ARM! It can't really be her arm, though. Maybe a prosthetic at best that he could take, or.. something. Just follow her tracks, wait until she camps, and then-

"HOLY JUMPING PINTO BEANS, IT'S HER ARM!! IT'S HER DANG ARM, IT WIGGLED AND EVERYTHIN'!! AUGGHGGYGHGGHGH!"

The bandit alerts the surrounding countryside (population: many critters) of his presence as he screams, running away into the dark night.

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

In this empty wilderness, there are people who you must be cautious. There are predators who stalk unwitting travellers in the dark of the night... TO SUCK THEIR BLOOOOOD! But there are no Crimson Nobles anymore, are there? They are a myth, now! A legend! A mystery! But perhaps... Somewhere out there, they might still be lurking...

But not now.

NOT HERE.

A shadow falls over Gwen's camp, long and ominous and fluttering a little bit in the breeze. The question becomes, then: How does a shadow fall upon a campfire in the middle of the nigh? The answer: BY STANDING IN FRONT OF THE MOON. Yes, there, illuminated by the light of the silver star... A figure of gallant, dangerous prop--

Wait.

Is that a scarf?

"What ho and well met, traveller!" The shadow calls, turning its back on the camp... ONLY TO BACKFLIP to the opposite side of the fire! It's... It's Zed. He's unmistakable, once you know him; the mossy green hair, the billowing, yellow scarf, that DASHING, POINTY-TOOTHED SMILE!

If he had red eyes... Maybe he could pass as a Crimson Noble after all?

But, no. He's a totally different kind of demon. "I heard someone running from here. Or rather, I heard him yelling as he was running, and so I decided that there must be something dangerous lurking nearby! Have you seen anything... With a strange arm around these parts, friend?"

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

Hahaha, there's no such thing as Crimson Nobles! Or Metal Demons, for that matter. Though the latter's more due to the account of 'extinction' than 'fairy tales, pish-posh, fables, etc'.

That's why there should be nothing Gwen should worry about in camping out here! Cook some beans over a small bonfire, meticulously clean out her ARM like a good ARM owner, catch some zzz's under the stars, spend some good quality time with a farty horse who is her truest friend. That's all she wanted. There's still a change of her getting that when the bandit runs away. What's the chance of two people being this way? She rarely sees anyone when she travels these routes.

Oh no, the Guardians still hate her for giving her coin purse to a bum who murdered a village, clearly.

Gwen scrambles for some semblance of normalcy. A blanket, maybe, or, perhaps, some sort of... HORSE. "Gulliver. _Gulliver._" Gwen beckons in loud whispers to the sleepy horse. Gulliver, still lost in dreams of pleasant horsey land, only snorts.

SO YES. It's nothing, just a fellow Drifter with a blanket hastily pulled about her shoulders! Sure, her arms are hidden, but ha ha ha it's cold! Nights are cold, yes. Ignore the tools laid out next to the fire! Very fine tools, really. Glinty, metal-y.

"No." Wait. Is that a scarf....? Gwen squints at the dark figure, dramatically silhouetted against the round moon.

"Maybe it was some kinda weird.... possum, or something? Things look weird under the moon when it's like this, haha." Out of habit, her right hand is summoned to rub sheepishly at the back of her head. NONO, BAD. Left arm. Yes. THAT's the one that slips from under the blanket to sheepishly rub at Gwen's head. Yes.

This guy seems... familiar...

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

"Some kind of... POSSUM!?" Zed made a sound like he was genuinely considering if this was in fact a real thing. Possums don't sound like real things. What's a possum, even? Some kind of... Long-tailed cute thing? "No, that does not at all sound like a monster with a strange arm. Hmmm." Zed scrubbed furiously at his chin, as if he hoped to extract an answer from the skin there.

"Well! I did not BOLDLY CHASE DANGER all this way to be denied!" Zed declares, shaking a fist to the cruel and unjust heavens. "You must think, traveller! You are... Absolutely certain that--"

Wait.

WAIT, WHAT WAS THAT!!

Zed /zooms/ over to the girl under the cloak, and begins... Man-handling her arm!? Yes. Her left arm. Not her right arm. He takes it and squints at it, poking it and turning it over. "Hmmmmmm. No. I didn't think so. This is a perfectly normal, ordinary arm! What am I to do now?"

Zed, perhaps you should check her other arm?

...Hm.

"..." Zed stares at the sleepy horse. Clearly this horse has been here for a while. Perhaps it has seen-- no, that's silly. HORSES DO NOT TALK. Probably. "...Well. If there are no strange-armed monsters..." He tilts his head, "Wait. Haven't I... Seen you somewhere before?"

...

"Or rather... Haven't I... HEARD you somewhere before?"

He was blindfolded that last time, after all.

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

"They have bare tails! No fur. The rest of their body has fur though, so they look really weird, especially under the moonlight. Or... Maybe it was a coyote? Coyotes are strange." Her suggestions cut off as Zed seems to *teleport* over to Gwen, causing her to stiffen as he leans in and... reaches for the left arm. The way Gwen holds still with that grimace on her freckled face, it's almost as if Zed was a bear she was trying to fool into thinking she was a mere tree, or something. The left arm flops and turns over in Zed's grasp, feeling the same weight, warmth, and feel of a human arm. He can even see the hand, as her glove is off. A nice, healthy, pink, human hand.

"Now, now, Y'think I'm the monster? That's not a nice way to imply to a young lady like myself, y'know?" Gwen attempts to flash her best 'aw shucks' bashful girl-next-door smile, a motion that would've been even more effective if she didn't just stand absolutely still. Nonono, don't check her other arm, be distracted, do something like...

YES. Gulliver. WAIT, NO. Gulliver hates examined when he's sleeping. She doesn't want to deal with an unconscious Drifter on top of everything else! As Zed glances towards the horse, Gwen reaches out with her right hand to warn him to stop. Metal glints in the moonlight, for a brief second-

Annnd it's back underneath her blanket when Zed looks back.

Now that Zed mentions it... Green hair. Scarf. That... unique voice. Is unique a good way to describe it? She'll go with unique.

"Oh!" She's about to lightly press her right fist into her left palm in a gesture that proclaims 'eureka', but, as before. she stops herself, leaving her left hand in an awkward, purposeless gesture. "Yeah. we were both on that dig! The one that was that dark lightless mine shaft. It wasn't too far away from here, even." The one where they rocketed out of an opening on mine carts and smashed into a nearby family's dinner, in fact. "You blindfolded yourself, I think. Because of... the light? I think."

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

"Bear... tails?" Zed squints hard into the sky as he examines and vigorously squishes at this human's utterly ordinary arm. "That doesn't make sense. Only bears can have bear tails. That's why they're bears." It's only right for things that are bears to have bear tails, and for all other things to have their own sorts of tails. A possum must therefore have a possum tail.

And thus all beneath heaven was right in the world.

He pokes at her palm. It is distinctly less satisfying than playing with Ruby's pawsies, and so he stops.

"I don't think you are a monster, I think you are human!" And that's probably more dangerous than most monsters, by a Metal Demon's reckoning. "I verified it. You're definitely, indubitably human... Unless...!" He cranes his head, eyes glinting, "You're /not./"

...

...........

"Nah, I think I'd know if you weren't," Zed concludes, lacing his fingers together behind his head. After all, the only Humans But Not Humans that he knows are... Metal Demons. And those people from the moon. But they're SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES indeed. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to save my training for another night. SIGH."

She brings up the dig, then, and... Aha! Yes! That's it! Gwen might not do it, but Zed definitely hammers his fist into a palm, because this moment just DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT without SOMEONE doing that. "Yes! Correct. No, it wasn't because of the light. It was because of the LACK OF DARKNESS! I was met in battle by a foe that I could not see, you see. So I needed to train myself to fight even things that were invisible to me! But to do that... I needed to not be able to see. See?"

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

"I mean a..." Gwen trails off as Zed's next statements make clear that he had b(e)arely made clear his point. "Ohhh. Nono, like, bare, as in... well. I suppose it doesn't matter, does it? But wait, see, maybe it *was* a bear. As in the animal." She points with her.... ri- LEFT index finger.

Why did she allow herself to revert to becoming right-handed again?! She would have been fine being a lefty all her life, aside from the minor inconveniences!

Speaking of left hands, or, well, palms, while Gwen's palm is peach-ish, it's definitely not as satisfying as Pink Pawsies. "Planning on telling my fortune while you're at it?"

Haha, so funny WAIT NO that might inspire him to look at her other hand, and-

Oh thank god. Gwen tries not to let the relief show on her face. "It takes a human to know a human, right?" Sure, Zed may have RED EYES and GREEN HAIR (which may or may not be really a trait of 'not human', Gwen's not sure), but sure, Zed has to be human. What else could he be?

Yes, get focused on the dig, Zed. "I suppose that makes more sense that not having a reason at all," Gwen says, rubbing her chin. WIth her left hand. "What foe was this? Never heard of a person who could be invisible. Or maybe they just hid very well?" Clearly he means a past enemy. "So you were trying to strengthen your other senses by limiting your sight. But that's going to take a lot of training. And... I guess, if you were training on a night like this, you're out of luck, with the moon being as full as it is and all..."

Hint. Hint.

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

You don't know. Zed might be six squirrels stacked on top of each other, controlling a very realistic humanoid robot. In fact this would explain several things about Zed. Several... strange... things. Not, perhaps, why he can move so quickly or why it is that he seems to backflip (or front flip) everywhere he goes, and ESPECIALLY through doors, but... Some things, certainly.

"Telling... Your fortune?" Zed stares at her like her face had suddenly split open to reveal a particularly interesting storybook. The kind with pictures. "Hm. Yes! I suppose I could. But to do that... I would need to see--"

BOTH ARMS!?

"THE FUTURE!"

Oh.

"And I cannot do that. Yet. I cannot do that yet." He coughs into one fist. "You see, my very human friend, after being mercilessly hurled from beneath the earth, I reflected upon my situation. Yes. I reflected upon it..." His hand moves as if it were reaching for the sky-- no, for the silver star! "Like this moon reflects the light of the sun! YES! And I realized, it isn't that I must train myself to see what I cannot see... It is that I must train myself to see all that there is! It is not a matter of light and darkness, smell or sight or touch or taste or ESP, it's a matter... OF FORESIGHT! But until I can awaken my SEVENTH SENSE--!"

He clenches his hand tight, making a fist with which to shake at the heavens, "I must instead strengthen all of my senses, sight included! So no, I cannot read your fortune. Not yet! And while the moon is full, well. You know. They say that the moon's full light..." He grins a wide, fangy grin. "Can awaken ALL MANNER of supernatural power. So I figured, WHY NOT ME!?"

oh god is this guy a werewolf or something his teeth are pretty pointy

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

'But to do that... I would need to see--'

Gwen panics. "I was only kid-"

'THE FUTURE!'

"Ahahahahaha, yes!" Gwen laughs a little too quickly, heaving out the held in breath she was holding in the pit of her stomach. "Yes, you'd definitely need to do that. That is crucial, in fact! But who can see the future? Maybe the Baskar tribe can, but not us. Nope, never. Yes." She smiles, revealing her utterly unpointed teeth. Well, in comparison to Zed's, which are, well. More point. Suspiciously so.

Yes.

So. Pointy teeth. Maybe he's... Nah. Some people do that, don't they? File their teeth down? Though WHY, seriously.

A slow sort of dread creeps into Gwen's stomach. Metal demons are out. Crimson nobles are out. Werewolves? No one's really said a whole lot about werewolves. They're *clearly* not real. "What sort of... supernatural powers are you, ah, thinking of...? That have to do with the full moon?"

She could still slug him. Maybe.

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

There... There is a tribe that can see the future???

Zed stares at her, long and intensely, his golden eyes burning holes into her VERY SOUL.

"Baskar." Zed says. "Baskar Tribe can see the future? Yes. Yes! Hahahah! I have my new direction. My compass spins to guide my path into the future! Yes, I will need to find these Baskars... And they will teach me their ways, their FUTURE SEEING POWERS! And then, maybe, I will be able to see the enemy that has obstructed me so thoroughly."

Or maybe they'll immediately sense that Zed is not at all human and hasn't been human since the day on which he was brought into this world. The Baskar are the closest in Filgaia to the Guardians, after all. To them, a Metal Demon would probably stand out pretty strongly. Like a sore thumb. Or a really nasty mole.

"As to why I am out here... WELL!" Zed points once more to the moon. He does not howl. He is PROBABLY not a werewolf, but he might be something else, still. Maybe. "I don't know! One cannot learn anything about oneself... Without going forth and experimenting. Yes? Yes. I was hoping for laser beam eyes, though. Or... Or moon sword magic. But as of yet, I have not unlocked anything in particular-- perhaps the moon is not a strong enough key!? Or maybe... I am not yet trying hard enough!?"

(Or maybe he's completely off.)

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

"I'm sure you can accomplish your dreams eventually! I had to start from a pretty low starting point, and look where I am now. A guy like you should have no trouble accomplishing what you need to do once you set your mind to it." Even Gwen's starting to get swept up into Zed's frenzied enthusiasm. Even if he may be a werewolf. Or a werebear. Or a were... something. Something that has fangs.

Meanwhile, well. Gulliver is a very, very mellow horse. He's not easily spooked. It's one of the reasons why Gwen has him as his partner in (not)crime. This is why, when Zed's spirited vocalizations manage to dislodge Gulliver from his pleasant horsey sleep, he awakes not with a jolt, but with a tired, leisurely look towards the source of the noise.

Gulliver, what do your horse eyes see?

A small field of luscious green fronds drifting in the moonlight, as if the Guardians themselves were saying, 'bless you, my equine friend, for here is the mana upon which you may graze upon, as you are a good horse.' Though really, it's kind of a shame it's not at lazy grazing horse level. He'll even need to reach a bit. Ah well. He's not unused to working for his food.

In other words, it's Zed's hair. Who expects a horse to have excellent night vision?

Ambling over at a sedate pace to the side of Zed, Gulliver's appearance behind Zed doesn't alarm Gwen at first. Not until he reaches with his horsey mouth, eager to chomp down on those fluttering locks of green hair--

"Nononono!" Gwen moves past Zed before she can even think about it, trying to reach Gulliver's reigns with one of her hands.

Probably the right one.

Because the Guardians hate her.

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

Zed is many things! Zed is a macho man. Zed is the Grim Reaper's pen pal. Zed is some kind of weird human-shaped thing with very pronounced canines who may or may not be a werewolf. Werebear? In actuality though, he's just your friendly neighbourhood METAL DEMON, but that certainly won't stop him from someday becoming Filgaia's very own DARK HERO.

That day, as of yet, is still very far off. Far off indeed.

But until that day...!

UNTIL THAT DAY----!

He's nothing but a moss-haired young adventurer with a DISTRESSINGLY STURDY BOD. To some people, he is already something of a hero. To others, he is a rival. And to this horse... He is apparently a snack.

Gulliver is truly a horse among horses, or perhaps something of a ninja among horses. Zed's generally (NOT REALLY AT ALL) flawless danger sense fails utterly against a completely harmless horse. He doesn't notice at all until Gulliver starts FEASTING ON HIS BRAIN MEATS.

"WAUGH!" Zed shrieks like... Not QUITE like a little girl. A slightly older girl. Maybe approximately teenaged. "NO!" His hands go to his LUSCIOUS LOCKS, trying to keep them from being CONSUMED BY THIS EQUINE DEVOURER. "An ambush!? HOW COULD I HAVE NOT SEEN IT COMING!?"

Maybe because you were too busy preening at being called ~awesome~ by someone you basically just re-met.

But then... BUT THEN...!

He sees... A weird demon arm!?

THAT DOESN'T MATTER RIGHT NOW THOUGH, BECAUSE ZED'S SWORD IS IN HIS HAND! Is he planning on... ON CUTTING A HORSE!?

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

"Whoahwhoahwhoahwhoah!"

Gwen's ARM hand is facing Zed in the eternal gesture of 'stahp', the quicker reactionary side of her brain deciding to throw her stronger, metallic arm towards possibly deflecting Zed's sword, as opposed to her fleshy, very sliceable soft pink(ish) colored hand. Which is not as cute as PINK PAWSIES, but all the same, something she wants to keep. Especially since she's now using that to push Gulliver away from Zed.

The blanket that was covering Gwen's shoulders and arms, unheeding of anything except gravity, slips down off her shoulders, revealing all.

Well, okay not all. She's got her blouse on, but with one sleeve rolled up, it's quite clear what's underneath on her right.

"... er..." Gwen's freckled face goes pale. "... so.... uh..."

Gulliver, upon seeing that the luscious patch of grass has a face, seems eager to now dote on the possibly dangerous Zed.

ARE YOU THE GOD OF DELICIOUS GRASS

".... that guy you heard kinda... walked in on me..."

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

Rescue! Gwen successfully dissuades her HORRIBLE HORSE from consuming more of Zed's LUSH GREEN HAIR. But she also gets directly between Zed and his completely justified and totally understandable thirst for revenge. "Wh-what!? Why are you taking that creature's side? It's vicious! It almost ate me!"

Zed stares into the horse's eyes.

The... the bizarrely affectionate horse.

"Whah-- stop!" Zed flails but utterly fails to cut anything at all. Somehow he just keeps whiffing this horse, even when it's nuzzling its face all up into his. What... What terrible luck. "Waugh! No! Stop!"

The mysterious fanged swordsman backpedals away from Gulliver just enough to reclaim his personal space... And to notice that Gwen apparently has some kind of weird... robot arm.

...

......

...?

...!!

"Ah! Ahaaaa!" Zed points, jabbing a finger at his savior with all the accusation he can muster. "IT WAS YOUUUUU! You... I knew I should have checked both arms! Agh! But this makes things easy! That arm-- You should tell me what it does! Why you have it! Or else... I'll tell everyone your horse is a cannibal!"

(That's not how cannibalism works, Zed)

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

Gulliver is known for many things: his stunning lack of judgment, his hard-working can-do nature, his appetite, and...

Well, anyone who looks like fud is a-okay by association in Gulliver's book.

"GH! Don't hurt my horse! I got it under control now! Just... there. See, he's standing back from yo-"

The pointing and yelling from Zed doesn't really make Gwen feel any better. "Shush! Shuuusssh!" Gwen, it doesn't help that you're putting a finger from your METALLIC HAND over your lips "You wanna attract people over here? I'm trying to keep this a secret! You realize what kinda trouble I could get into? So calm down already!" She gestures with her left hand, lowering it downwards as if to indicate a physical volume lever.... thing. Something like that. "He probably just thought you were hiding food somewhere. He gets curious sometimes. Just have to establish you're the dominant horse."

no gwen don't give him ideas

"Er." Nudged by an affectionate (and slightly sleepy) horse, Gwen sways slightly, then holds out her arm for Zed to see. "It's... my arm. It does things an arm can do. Hold on, I'll show you." She undoes the sleeve garter on her blouse's sleeve, then moves it up further, indicating where the metal of her arm meets the flesh of her shoulder. "I lost my right arm when I was little. Got this one so I can... do things with two hands, like everyone else. It's just a little more fancy that a prosthetic arm, that's all. That's why I don't want it to get out. Can you keep it a secret? And despite what that guy said, I'm *not* a monster. At all. I'm human. Okay?"

Now Gwen is looking at Zed with pleading, blue-grey eyes. "Please?"

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

DON'T hurt the horse!? But the horse... The horse /tried to eat him!/ Retribution is only proper! A pound of hair for a pound of hair!

Zed stares at the hungry, hungry horse. His eyes are like little daggers, but not literally. Technically since he is a metal demon he could turn his eyes into actual daggers, but that's not really convenient. You would never be able to aim them properly.

"You're saying that... If I were to challenge his horseness and triumph, that he would no longer try to eat me?" Zed asks, sounding only just a bit incredulous because for all he knows that is actually how things work out here. "Hm. But I don't have the proper... Bits? I could beat him in a race, perhaps? Ah, if only Gamma were here, this would be easy!"

W-who's Gamma??

Sometime between Zed's brief, not-so-internal soliloquy and his conclusion that out-horsing a horse might not actually be possible even for the COOLEST GUY IN FILGAIA, Gwen... Comes clean. To her possible distress, Zed... Actually starts staring at HER. Specifically her arm. He comes over and begins judiciously man-handling the limb, poking and prodding and squeezing at it in a manner not unlke what he did to her other arm. And then he says: "Iiiiii think maybe I have seen something like this somewhere before."

"...Hmmmm."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...!"

"Well, you never know. Monsters come in all shapes, you know. I would know. I've met some." Zed narrows his eyes and pokes a finger at Gwen's robo-palm. "Buuuuuuut the Dark Hero Manual says to always keep secrets when offered," so that you can use them as blackmail down the road, but Zed didn't actually get around to finishing that chapter. "So I guess I can... Keep quiet. BUT! I MIGHT know a person who knows about this kind of thing! And he might be... Very interested in a limb like this."

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

"Nono," Gwen counters quickly, waving her hands in front of her. "It's nothing like that. I'm the dominant person to him, so I was able to settle it. He's pretty good about things like this." Gwen's shoulders slump. "Augh... this is a complete disaster..." Could she really trust a guy like this to keep any sort of secret, let alone something like *this*? He has fangs! That should be a clue that something is up! "Okay, if it was a more high-strung horse, it might've interpreted you attacking it by trying to defend itself. Gulliver, meanwhile... uh... I think he likes you now? So..." Eureka! Gwen's eyes light up. "...Yooou don't have to do anything now. Yeah. He's not the sort to do challenges."

Wait, what is a gamma, and should Gwen even ask at this point

"I swear I'm not a monster...." the courier helplessly half-whines as Zed experimentally pokes and prods her metallic arm. "Ow." It's indeed a strange arm, with some components much like a 'traditional' ARM, but other parts... more a cross between something metal and biological. The fingers even, well, wiggle, if he pokes her palm the right way. Still not as satisfying as PINK PAWSIES. Still, Gwen does, give Zed the ability to examine it.

Maybe he'll just see it for what it is, which is a nice handy prothetic a-

"I'm kinda scared to even allow myself to be curious, at this point." Who use would have something like this and be a regular, well-adjusted human being who delivers packages to people? The chances of that are nil! What's worse is that this green-haired werewolf(?) may 'know someone who knows about this kind of thing'.

Someone who'd be very 'interested in a limb like this'. "Ah-haha..." Gwen's expression falters even further, her grin stretched to proportions of 'oh god no'. "No, no, really, I know all I need to know about it. Believe me! Not something I want to present to anyone unless I have to. It's not something I can take off, either. If I do, I'll probably kinda slowly die. I think. I don't really want to try it out."

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

"......" Zed peers at the horse-- at this... Gulliver. He watches as its ears turn and flick and its nose twitches. "It is fine if it likes me," Zed concludes, "But he is not allowed to eat my hair! My hair is... Is... VORBODEN! I don't just throw a headband on and call it a day, you know! And! Being bald does not work for my image!"

NO TOUCHI THE HAIR.

Not that Zed necessarily understands 'personal space' when he's on the delivering end, though.

"Well. Maybe you are not a monster, but this arm! It reminds me... Of something I've seen before on a monster. Hmmmmmmm," Zed frowns. He seems genuinely concerned! ...That letting something like this get away would mean Kalve would frown at him pretty hard if he ever found out. "Well! Maybe you might be human now, but if I know my stories, these kinds of things have a tendency of growing! And soon you'll be more ARM than human! You really should get it checked, and I know /JUST/ the guy!"

"But, I mean, if you're OKAY with the risk of turning into a giant arm monster, that's fine too!" Zed throws not one, but TWO thumbs up! Double thumbs up! Zed's grin only widens, he looks... He looks completely sincere!? "I mean, it's your body! And from what I hear, between you and me, being a monster isn't all THAT bad. I mean, you'd probably get used to it."

"If that's even a thing that might happen. I don't know, I'm not an expert-- but I know someone who might be!"

hint hint

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

Zed peering at Gulliver prompts the horse to nuzzle the poor young man, who seems unable to properly read signs of aggression from a being he has deemed the deity of grass. After all, grass isn't really an aggressive plant, really, unless it's invading your garden.

At least he's avoiding the hair. For now.

"Y-yeah?" Gwen says, looking over at Zed. "What? A humanoid arm? Nono, this is, well." Can she really state that it'd an ARM? Should she keep that a secret? Why is Zed looking at her like that? "Your... stories." One can just see the seed of horror bloom on Gwen's pale freckled face, starting with mild discomfort, growing paranoia, and, to complete the symphony, terror-filled eyes and a slightly agape mouth.

"Noooo!" Clasping her hands to her face, Gwen shakes her head. "I don't want to be a monster, I want to be a human! But... with this arm!" Dropping her hands, she frantically attempts to pull on Zed's scarf, probably allowing him to get a good glimpse of her teary eyes and reddening cheeks. "It helps my heart beat like it needs to! I don't want to remove it, but I don't want to be a monster either! Especially a giant one!! I want remain the cute human I am right now!" She pauses. "Well, aging and all that's okay, because that's part of being human too."

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

Zed is trained in a number of different scenarios. He's well versed in them, in fact. What do you do when a giant monster is attacking a town? HIT ITS WEAK POINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE! When there's a pit you can't cross? JUMP AND JUMP GOOD. When little Timmy's fallen into the neighbourhood watering hole? FOLLOW THE DOG AND ROPE HIM OUT. And when a girl is crying, you beat up the person who made her shed those tears!

But... But what do you do when YOU'RE the one who's making her cry?

Zed stares blankly at... At that strange moisture beading in Gwen's eyes. This might actually be the first time Zed's seen a human cry. Nnnnnooot counting the ones in Arctica, because really that's another thing entirely. This is the first time he's made a human cry and-- and-- "Uh. W-wait! Hold on there! Hold your horses! Not literally! W-what's going on? What is this... Thing that you're doing!? WHY ARE YOU LEAKING!?"

"That only normally happens when you get hurt, right? Did you stub your toe?" Zed gawps, moments before epiphany smashes him over the head with a bottle of champaigne. "Oh! OH! NO! Please, don't cry! Being a monster isn't so much different from being human, I am told!" Zed... Zed pats her head!? THIS IS HOW YOU STOP PEOPLE FROM CRYING RIGHT!? "P-please stop leaking! People aren't supposed to do that when there's a hero around, right??? A-anyway! It was just a suggestion! A supposition! But... But if that arm's connected to your heart, then maybe you should have it looked at anyway!? I mean... I mean, that's an important organ to be connected to! Uh."

"L-look, there's a friend of mine, you see? A COMRADE IN ARMS! He's... He's good with this kind of thing! Uh, but if you don't want to know, that's fine too! Just... The offer's there, I guess???"

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

Well, Zed definitely hit Gwen's weak point for massive damage, that's for sure. "Man, I shouldn't be getting all crybaby like this..." Gwen sobs, "What? I'm _leaking_? Oh nooo..." Leaking? From where? She doesn't see anything! Her eyes are too watery from the TEARS LEAKING FROM HER EYES. "By the Guardians, no, my toe is *not* stubbed and I'm not hurt!! And I am NOT LEAKING!"

Zed's sledgehammer of an inspirational speech, coupled with him patting her on the head, just makes it all feel worse. "It's not something that happened accidentally, it's like that on purpose!" Out of some sort of half-hearted vengeance (if one can call it that at this point), if Zed's not quick enough, Gwen'll use whatever grip she's managed to get on Zed's scarf and, with the force of both her human and 'monster' hands, yanks him in so she can bury her teary eyes and likely snotty nose deep into his scarf, muffling her sobs.

THERE. That'll show him! Wait, what? "... Fine," Gwen says, her voice muffled, either by his scarf or something else. "I'll go see this friend. But I'm not interested in trying to get rid of it, okay?! I just... don't want to be a monster." She closes her eyes. ".... Damn..."

".... What's your name again...?"

Gulliver just looks at them both, snorts, and moves back to the bonfire.

<Pose Tracker> Zed has posed.

The mysterious traveller, the strange fanged man, the... The AUSSENSEITER acquiesces to this most terrible of scarfy transgressions. After all, it's been in worse spots than this. What's a few muffled sobs to a muffler like Zed's anyway?

"G-good! Good. You'll like him, I think! Don't worry, it'll be fine! Everything'll be great! And as for my name..."

"I'm the Ultimate Macho Man. The Grim Reaper's Pen Pal. The Hero Who Fights in the Dark So You Don't Have To." Zed beams, having successfully(???) stopped the human from leaking quite so much. Even at the cost of his scarf. Note: Headpats, very good for stopping humans from crying. "But! You can call me..."

ZED!