2017-07-20: Friendship of Ages Past

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  • Log: Friendship of Ages Past
  • Cast: Siegfried, Fei Fong Wong
  • Where: Mirapulse, then the Lightless Shaft
  • Date: July 20, 2017
  • Summary: A friendship separated and strained by space and time is reunited, but there is much to overcome.

<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

When Siegfried visits a human town, he doesn't actually visit it. Even one controlled, if in secret, by the Veruni is not a safe place for a Quarter Knight. Or, more accurately, his presence renders a place unsafe. He is in no danger from people such as these.

He stands, instead, on the cliffs overlooking the town -- and peers down at the mine. At, of course, the Lightless Shaft. It has caught his eye -- and now, having healed, the Quarter Knight has a mind to test his prowess in battle. He is not there yet, of course. He is not yet ready to engage in battle against something truly dangerous.

Today, he wants to stretch his muscles.

He isn't hard to see. No one has quite wanted to ask what a figure in dark armor, looking down at the town menacingly is after. It is a ploy to draw rumors -- though, it may draw others. After all, one coming from another direction could just happen across the Quarter Knight.

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei Fong Wong hasn't been to Mirapulse before but hearing that it wasn't a huge trip from Lacour convinced him to drop by and check it out. He recently actually has made comfortable money from, ironically, doing excavation of the Lahan ruins. Who says you can't go back home again? Of course you can, it just will be a burning pile of wreckage. He's not all that comfortable with this but he has to keep fed and if the Yggdrasill is heading into the Badlands OR fighting on behalf of the Guardians, they'll probably need the cash.

But even as he's about to step into Mirapulse proper, something stops him.

He looks up. He doesn't see Siegfried with his eye from this position, but he has as trange feeling come over him all the same, as if some innate aspect of his being is cognizant of something being there. It feels, for a moment, less like him moving his own body as it is something else guiding it along a path, sort of like being on an amusement park ride, as he climbs the cliffs.

Why am I doing this, he wonders, but it doesn't stop him. It's only once he reaches the top that he sees why he was feeling this way, and why his body was compelled to move.

Is this the man who killed the Elly in his dreams? Does he even remember? FEI doesn't really remember. Is it just a dream? Is it a vision like before? Of the future? Of the past? It felt so real even as he observed the story, as if from a distance, as if it were on a projector screen. It still feels so real.

"You shouldn't go in alone," He says. "Just being really strong, it's not enough for these places."

Why does he feel anger and hate towards this creature he's only truly seen in dreams, and only truly met in battle otherwise. This man killed Cecilia's father, he recalls, but what would Cecilia's father say about how he went after Siegfried the last time they ran into one another?

He can't say. He never actually knew Cecilia's father. He seemed like an alright guy. A lot of alright guys died that day but he has to remind himself--he has no business lecturing on the blood that happens to get on one's hands.

<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

For Siegfried, there is no such immediate recognition. Has he seen and fought a man who looked much like Fei before?

Yes.

But he has fought the ancestors of countless humans. Thanks to their short lives, Siegfried has fought entire lineages. Seeing a familiar face can be startling -- concerning, even -- but it isn't new. He looks down at Fei -- and his eyes narrow at the martial artist, as he makes his way up the path. His movements can be so human-like, too. The way he turns to face him; the way his hand tenses around the hilt of Glumzambor, as if with trepidation; the way his shoulders and back seem to tense, though his armor is segmented enough to allow one to discern that.

He scowls, once, as he looks Fei over with eyes that are a slate grey until the sun hits them just right, and then shine with a red, metallic glare.

"So you think that. That the ruins and decay of this world are a place no one should enter alone, for fear of death. For fear of failure," he says. "Tell me, then, human. What is strength, if not the ability to conquer whatever lay before you?"

His voice is tight and guarded. There is a familiarity there. It is a deep familiarity, one that extends far beyond genetics.

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei doesn't have the luxury Siegfried has but he does recall, here, that it's not like the other Quarter Knights were taken aback just by looking at him. So it must be a future thing? He hates having to figure stuff like that out so he just shoves it in the back of his mind for the moment. If something jars it loose, god knows it will come hurtling back anyway. No, instead he looks at Siegfried like a painter would their subject. Tall, taller than he is, certainly, but the armor makes him seem taller. He's wearing some kind of--power armor? ARM. If he were to put Siegfried on canvas he'd take up most of the canvas, you wouldn't even see all of him from the perspective--but maybe if he pulled it back he could get at least the face in.

Now that he's not fighting, he can think past the feelings of hate and anger. Depression. Loneliness. Hopelessness.

"I'm not strong," Fei says after a moment. "So to me, strength isn't about conquering what lies before you. It's about choosing not to conquer even though you can." He shakes his head, looking over the town. "I'm not strong. When I see others in trouble, I fight to help them, but what does that do? The ones putting them in trouble also need help, all I'm doing is transfering where the trouble ends up. But I can't sit back and do nothing. I'm not strong."

He stares at the ground. "If I fight you, all I'm doing is helping the planet kill you. What an awful joke."

<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

Siegfried looks down at Fei. His brow furrows, which isn't easy to see behind the armor of his helmet. Only a part of his face is visible, and he scowls for a moment -- and then he grins. It isn't a smile. There isn't anything kind or friendly to it. There isn't anything that could be seen among the Metal Demons, where he shows that other side of him. In a way, this is a mask.

But in a way, this is the real Siegfried. The angry, hateful man that he has become after a thousand years of war.

"Then you are weak, human," he says. "Your kind has never understood power. You either use it blindly, without a care for the damage it could cause... or you shy from its use, when you must inflict devastation to claim what is yours by right. You call decisiveness weakness."

He turns, then spits on the ground. That his spittle has an oil-like sheen may be more proof of what he is. "And you presume to care for our fate?"

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

"Yeah, I'm weak." Fei agrees a little too easily. Actually, there's something strange about this guy in general. It isn't so much that he is not afraid of danger. He isn't brave to just casually talk Siegfried up like this. It's more like a kind of quiet acceptance. "All us drifters are weak. Thinking that the power of the past is going to help us, heh." He shakes his head. "Power of the past didn't seem to help the past much, did it? No, the future will be held by those who can think more than a lifetime ahead. As it always has and will. The true conquerors will be the ones whose souls extend beyond the moment. I think I used to be like that, once."

He looks back towards Siegfried, raising an eyebrow at his statement of power. And then his question.

"Power..." He looks back to the village. "The power to destroy everything. I wish I could give that power away but it follows me."

Fei's demeanor changes slightly. No, it's not into some asshole but something deeper and more elemental than his myriad of personas. His core. "Would you use it properly, Siegfried? If you had all the power you could take and more, would you do things the right way?"

He raises his head. "Of course I care about your fate. Maybe if we cared about your fate earlier, you wouldn't be burning down our cities! But--" He stalls for a moment and instead turns, walking towards the ruins.

"Old Petra," He says. "Your people lived there. Your 'Tainted'. I was there. I was an idiot. I let some dream I had control what I did and when I woke up it was gone. They say it was a red gear that did it, not like mine." He pauses for a moment. "That's true, right? And they were human? Basically the kind of person you're talking about, wild--careless--power?"

<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

"Humans aren't suited to power," Siegfried says. "Power is destruction. You humans... you make excuses. You define it, to make it something more than it should be. And then you use it poorly--and blame power itself for failing you or corrupting you."

He could get angry here -- he could try to strike Fei down. The thought occurs to Siegfried. He has lashed out at a human for less. But, something about that familiarity stays his hand.

"So, no, I would not use power in a way that you define as right," he finishes. "You ask about the thing that left Old Petra in ruins. You were the boy, then, in the Black Gear. That thing was nothing like you. I don't know that I would call him human--he has far exceeded what humans can do. But in his cruelty, he misses the point, too."

Siegfried glares down at Fei. "Power simply is. It is neither an excuse to act, nor a sacred trust. If I had power, I would use it to my own ends. They are righteous to me -- and damned to you -- and that is utterly independent of whatever strength I possess. Power does not discriminate."

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Some part of Fei Fong Wong wishes Siegfried would just strike him down. It's relieved, somewhat, by reassurance--someone who surely has no reason to reassure him--that he is not that demon that destroyed Old Petra. That was a close one! Fei almost had to confront his past there. Safe!

Still he finds he doesn't entirely disagree with Siegfried. He's human himself, isn't he? But if there's any trait that is very particular to humans, it's not thinking much of humans so it isn't really that strange.

"How does his cruelty miss the point?" Fei asks, genuinely curious. "It's just him using it for his own ends, isn't it? His ends just happen to be cruel. Simple."

He looks into the shaft. He could just jump into it here to his death and only Siegfried would know.

No, he thinks. If he did that, who would help Xantia? Besides, it could cause problems. And it won't help anyway.

"Did you want to go in? Alone?" He is nervous about that.

<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

If Siegfried knew the truth... then it would be a different matter entirely. But, there is more to it. Something that he hasn't said -- something that he can't say, right now. He has seen that power not once before, but twice.

He looks down into the shaft, when Fei does. "Perhaps," he allows. "Perhaps he does use it for his own ends. But, does he only do so because he has that power? Is it the power that motivates him--or his desire? To be motivated by power..."

He scowls. "...I find that the most pathetic trait of your kind."

But Fei asked him a question. Siegfried turns to look at him for a moment. He is reminded, again, of another time -- of a memory that comes back too readily, five hundred years before. His lips tighten into a line and he almost scowls, before he grins again in that cruel way. "Perhaps I do. Perhaps I do not. But, human, what could you do to stop me..."

He looks down at the shaft. "...If I simply charged right in?"

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Is it power that motivates the man in the red gear, Fei wonders to himself, or is it desire? He can almost reach out and touch the answer. But he can't. It escapes him, almost as if that very part of him that understands is determined to make it so he never does. He is frustrated.

Siegfried doesn't exactly answer the question. He throws the question back at Fei. It's a difficult one for him to answer. His memories of 500 years ago aren't so clear which would make sense since humans don't really live that long.

"I'd probably admire your audacity and follow you." He can definitely see why and how Siegfried has followers. He isn't just the leader because he was assigned the job ages ago. There's a character to him fit for leadership.

Frankly, he kind of thinks of BART of all people. And Cecilia, even, who would set fire to paperwork because 'she is a princess and it counts'.

He looks back to Siegfried with a strange sort of determination that Bart like characters tend to draw from him. "Wanna test it?" Despite all his claims of weakness--he undoubtedly would.

<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

There is a reason that Siegfried commands. He has an aura of command -- something that has kept the Metal Demons in line and focused for a millennium. The Quarter Knight looks at Fei, his eyes narrowing for a moment. For all that he says that he hates humans -- and he doesn't lie -- there is something more complicated. He knows, in a way, that Fei has put him up to this. He knows that he is being goaded, even if it isn't malicious.

But this, too, reminds him of something else. He turns from Fei, to look back down in the shaft. "Tch... then let us see, human."

It reminds him of another time. Of a friend, who he lost, and not to death. Of a path that Siegfried almost could have taken, had things happened differently. They did not happen differently, though, and that memory is bittersweet -- as angering as it is saddening, and as saddening as it is fond.

Memories aren't a thing that Siegfried likes to dwell upon. So, he leaps -- and dives down into the depths of the Lightless Shaft, his cloak fluttering after him.

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei is totally goading Siegfried. His reasons aren't even selfish, not entirely. Yes, he hopes he will understand more of his past, and he hopes he will understand more of Siegfried--but he also hopes to help his people, somehow. In a sense he's desperate to because if there isn't another way to help them, it feels like something terrible will happen. Will he be able to rely on a red gear to take the blame then?

He blinks as Siegfried jumps into the shaft. His cloak is even fluttering, which is pretty freaking cool and stylish and Fei kind of feels weird about feeling that way about it but REGARDLESS--

--he's still kind of taken aback. "...He actually did it."

He examines his feelings. "...Wow I'm actually doing it too. God dammit Fei."

He takes a step back and then just jumps right down after Siegfried. He immediately regrets this decision.

DG: A party led by Siegfried is now entering The Lightless Shaft.
DG: Party formation is now over. An Entry Challenge will now be drawn and displayed to the party.
===========================<* The Lightless Shaft *>============================
====================<* CHALLENGE - The Dastardly Descent *>=====================
|Type: Entry       |Dungeon Ability: Agility   |Challenge Rating: 1          |
---------------------------< Challenge Information: >---------------------------
 Long abandoned, there are no guards here to defend this mine. No security
 measures. No; there's just a rope. A long, old rope. Descending into a,
 well, lightless shaft. What a descriptive dungeon name! Regardless, you
 better be careful you don't fall and hurt your coccyx on the way down into
 the abyss. Don't worry, there's probably not any strange man-eating mutants
 down there. ... Probably.
=Dungeon Conditions: Injure===================================================
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

There is a rope.

Siegfried did not take the rope. The Quarter Knight slams his hand out into the side of the mine shaft as he plunges down it. His armored fingers are slightly clawed and quite sturdy. Rather than use the rope, his fingers dig into the shaft. Sparks explode as stone meets steel -- and he tries to slow his descent through the use of those clawed fingers, dragging himself to a brutal stop.

But the floor is coming up fast. He looks at it, calmly, and then looks up.

His eyes widen, briefly. Fei leaped in after him. The Quarter Knight is surprised. It feels strange to be surprised by a human.

DG: Siegfried has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, The Dastardly Descent.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Why didn't he take the rope???

Well, Fei, have you considered that maybe as a Metal Demon in huge armor, he can't rely on the rope weight holding him? Why don't you check your human privilege?? A smaller voice within Fei is saying this.

Fei then proceeds to not enjoy his human privilege out of spite (he may regret this) shortly. Instead, perhaps out of spite, he does this like Samus Aran. He jumps downwards, sliding down the wall and then bouncing off it to the other side when it burns his feet too much--giving him brief respites between each leap. He grits his teeth tightly. since any misstep means falling very, very far down.

Or worse, into Siegfried. Don't worry though Siegfried--Despite Fei's words, he's also pretty surprised with Fei.

DG: Fei Fong Wong has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, The Dastardly Descent.
DG: The party led by Siegfried has passed this challenge! The party gained 12 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management
commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw.
DG: Fei Fong Wong has drawn a new Challenge.
==========================<* The Lightless Shaft *>===========================
==================<* CHALLENGE - That's One Big Golem Arm *>==================
|Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Brute     |Challenge Rating: 2          |
--------------------------< Challenge Information: >--------------------------
 Wow. Look at that golem arm, jutting out of the wall there. It's huge. Where
 did it come from? What did it belong to? Is that a rocket launcher mounted
 on the wrist? Is that a repulsor cannon in its palm? Just how loaded with
 weapons can one arm be? How dramatic was this golem's name, when it was a
 whole golem and not just one sad, really large arm? These are all the
 wonderful things you can wonder as you wondrously figure out a way to move
 that really big golem arm because oh hey look at that, its hanging -right-
 over the doorway. You're a real jerk, golem arm.
=Dungeon Conditions: Tire=====================================================
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

Siegfried lands with a crunch, but he rebounds carefully. That is no great surprise -- after all, he leaps onto castle walls. He has had harder, more dangerous landings. However, he is not the most helpful person. Case in point, he pauses when he realizes Fei is coming down -- and then takes a few steps forward, so he won't break Fei's fall.

(This would, to be fair, really hurt. That armor is tough.)

He gives Fei a long look when he sets down. "I see you chose to follow," he says. He starts walking. "Try to keep up."

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei Fong Wong somehow manages to avoid breaking his legs. More importantly to his pride, he doesn't slam into Siegfried and send them both falling pathetically into the abyss. Somehow, if that happened, Fei would just be like 'you know what? Yeah, maybe you're right about conquering humanity I'm going to just go lie down and try to die'.

what he does do is eventually drop down on his feet, already sweating. This isn't exactly easy for him and it's a far cry from jumping over a river. He is accustomed to awful platforming--that may be what saved him (he fought two random encounters on the way down).

"Well I couldn't very well not."

They walk for a bit because they have to. Goblin fights? You betcha. Siegfried is going to have to use his entire move list before the party will move on, just once each though. Luckily any monsters are pretty easily dealt with, Fei seems to know some form of Shevat Open Palm but it's not QUITE that.

Instead they come up to an arm, all of a sudden, just right in the way of their progress. "We--probably don't want to uh--hit something like this with all our strength. It seems kind of--" He squints for a moment. "Explodey." Frankly it's explodey enough he doubts even Siegfried would want to set it off. It'd be an inconvenience for sure.

He braces himself and starts PUSHING. Normally Fei would try holding back a little out of concern of breaking something but--Siegfried is right there.

Fei narrows his eyes as his chi fills his body and he pushes with surprising strength. Still not everything, but more than normal.

DG: Fei Fong Wong has contributed a Brute Basic Action toward his party's challenge, That's One Big Golem Arm.
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

Fei could have left Siegfried to leap down by himself. The Quarter Knight contemplates pointing it out. He reaches over his shoulder, and draws Glumzambor, blade glinting with light. He doesn't turn it on Fei. Despite his general attitude, the Metal Demon isn't turning on Fei.

After all, he knows the value of cooperation. He is a commander.

He stops, as he spots the arm standing in the middle of the wall. A Golem arm; a mechanical thing, which draws a long look. He looks sideways at Fei and nods once, before he starts forward. He begins to heft Glumzambor up -- like he might ignore Fei's suggestion.

"Engage!"

Then, mid-punch, a large shield appears over Fei and Siegfried alike, and pushes against the barrier. The hexagons making it up crackle as they push against it.

DG: Siegfried has used his Tool Shield Generator toward his party's challenge, That's One Big Golem Arm.
DG: The party led by Siegfried has failed this challenge! The party gained 4 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management
commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei Fong Wong flinches at the last moment as Siegfried lifts up Glumzambor.

REALLY NOT LONG AGO AT ALL

Siegfried stabbed Fei Fong Wong in the gut with that thing. Stabbed him right in the gut. And Fei remembers, in that moment, that turn of phrase that was horrifying to him. Actually it isn't even a phrase at all. It's one word.

Live

Fei doesn't flinch for long, but it takes way longer than it should to move the hand. Frankly even without Fei's flinch, we're all pretty sure Siegfried would be doing the bulk of the work here but it takes the two of them all the same even if getting the timing right is difficult.

"It's a shield as well.." He murmurs. "Incredible..."

DG: Siegfried has drawn a new Challenge.
===========================<* The Lightless Shaft *>============================
=======================<* CHALLENGE - Drill Baby Drill *>=======================
|Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Wits      |Challenge Rating: 1          |
---------------------------< Challenge Information: >---------------------------
 Oh hey, look, it's a bunch of mining equipment, like giant drills and
 pick-axes for you to simulate the grueling, back-breakingly unforgiving
 process of mining in Mirapulse! Lucky you! It helpfully sparkles, so you
 know it will be a useful item - perhaps even -key- - to your adventure. Have
 fun! Watch out for the black lung!
=Dungeon Conditions: Treasure=================================================
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

It takes longer than Siegfried would like to blast their way through the wall with the arm. But, it gives way, and collapses in front of his barrier. The Quarter Knight throws his hand to the side, as dust rolls out around him. It took more effort than he cares to admit to. He scowls, then, as he steps into the next room.

He eyes the equipment here. A pickaxe in front of him sparkles; a huge giant drill draws the eye. Siegfried looks them over in turn.

"Pfah," he declares. "No. We won't require this. I can handle any such complication that arises."

DG: Siegfried has contributed a Wits Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Drill Baby Drill.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei, on the other hand, stares at the sparkle like its calling to him. He reaches into his pack suddenly and draws out a small box filled with various art supplies. The one item he withdraws from it is not a paintbrush or a stencil but rather a rebreather mask to help block out paint fumes.

He straps it on and picks up a pickaxe. He strikes periodically at the walls with it, hoping to find a weak wall to burst through. "Maybe it was left like this intentionally," He volunteers. "Like a clue for something hidden away down here. I mean...uh..in my experience ruins aren't generally...straightforward."

He shudders, remembering the traveling wall hooks.

"Not uh, doubting your ability though," Fei admits. "But I will do what I have to to keep up." He is determined on that front, if nothing else.

DG: Fei Fong Wong has used his Tool Artist's Toolkit toward his party's challenge, Drill Baby Drill.
DG: The party led by Siegfried has passed this challenge! The party gained 17 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management
commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw.
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

"I've no need of such tools," Siegfried says.

But, his thinking is too linear. The Quarter Knight starts forward with a glance at Fei -- and he doesn't disapprove, as much as acknowledge that Fei will need to work harder to keep up. "Perhaps, in that, you are wise. Though--hn."

A door sits ahead of them. And, indeed, Fei's artist's intuition pays off. The drill he picked up does match it -- for it acts as a key to the spiral-shaped hole at its center.

When Fei places the key in, the door grinds against the stone here... and lowers.

DG: Fei Fong Wong has drawn a new Challenge.
==========================<* The Lightless Shaft *>===========================
=================<* CHALLENGE - Teensy Tiny Tunnel Travels *>=================
|Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Agility   |Challenge Rating: 1          |
--------------------------< Challenge Information: >--------------------------
 Most mines are made out of tunnels. That's just a fact. Read a book
 sometime. Why this tunnel is so tiny is probably something best not lingered
 on, but you're going to have a devil of a time squeezing your way through
 it, considering there's absolutely no other way out of here. Because, again.
 Mine. Tunnels. Etc. Hope you're good at kompressing yourself!
=Dungeon Conditions: Weaken===================================================
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei chuckles a bit. "Well, it took me a while to get used to ruins. My first time through everything was kicking my ass, left and right. I had to keep doing digs though because my home was destroyed and selling art wasn't cutting it."

He keeps the mask on in case there ARE toxic fumes about. He wouldn't neccessarily be able to see them, after all. Sadly some stuff you breathe isn't visible to the naked eye. Keeping that stuff on might be preventing an early game over.

He eyeballs the spiral as the drill pushes in.

GRAHF: PIERCE THE HEAVEN WITH YOUR DRILL AND STAB GOD WITH IT FEI

FEI: ARGHHH SHUTUP

Fei shakes his head, clearing his thoughts. "Oh--" He says as he looks ahead.

There's tunnels.

There's SMALL tunnels. Fei and Siegfried are not equitable sizes. Fei is going to have to get creative but Siegfried is going to have to do SOME mojo if he's going to fit through here.

"I wonder why they're so small...ngghh..." He shakes his head and heads inward.

"Riesen and Noel are nice people," Fei says conversationally as he grunts on through these small corridors. "I hope they don't get too dissapointed."

DG: Fei Fong Wong has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Teensy Tiny Tunnel Travels.
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

"Tch. I remember some of these places before they were ruins," Siegfried says with a frown. He shakes his head once -- and then stops, as he spots the small tunnels. His eyes narrow for a moment, and then he looks to Fei. He watches him fit, roughly, and then he frowns.

He has to do some work. Shifting his form isn't always easy. Siegfried found the form that suits him best; he rarely alters it, preferring to master one form than many. Perhaps, that is why he is like Riesenlied. In the end, he compresses himself awkwardly, and he starts shuffling through. There is a loud screech of stone-on-metal.

His armor would be scratched, if it wasn't made of sterner stuff.

"Disappointed?" Siegfried asks. He sounds irritated -- because he is, having to scrape and twist like this. "And what, do you think, would disappoint the either of them?"

DG: Siegfried has contributed a Agility Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Teensy Tiny Tunnel Travels.
DG: The party led by Siegfried has failed this challenge! The party gained 2 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management
commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

This is awful.%rEverything about this is awful.

Fei Fong Wong might have the easier time wiggling through the area but Siegfried is bound to get stuck a few times and even if he isn't scratched, it's still NOISY for metal to drag on stone and rock. Fei grabs ahold of his ears to try and drown out the noise but it doesn't do anything, really. EVENTUALLY the two manage to get through but frankly it was awful. It was just terrible.

And you might have to do it again on the way out!!

"They seemed pretty happy to see humans and demons working together at Old Petra, but you can't rely on a maniac to unite you, you know?" Fei says. He doesn't mention how terrified Riesenlied seemed to be just to SEE him because frankly he doubts that Siegfried would approve of any part of that.

Siegfried says something though that gives him pause. These places before they were ruins. Maybe normally he'd be more cautious about mentioning the dream because it can't be real, it might make him look like a loon--but part of him just has to know the truth. If he asks about Elly, he imagines Siegfried won't even remember, but some things will stand out even to Siegfried. He's sure of it.

"I dreamt of a place," Fei says. "It's probably a ruin now too. The Deus Ex Machina is the name I thought when I saw it in my head."

He glances back to Siegfried to try and gauge a reaction.

DG: Siegfried has drawn a new Challenge.
===========================<* The Lightless Shaft *>============================
=======================<* CHALLENGE - Minor Miner Maze *>=======================
|Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Wits      |Challenge Rating: 2          |
---------------------------< Challenge Information: >---------------------------
 Winding pathways, blown-out tunnels, deliberate dead-ends. No one knows why
 mines in Filgaia seem to value confusion over efficiency but such is the way
 of things and now you'll have to deal with their design philosophy. Perhaps
 a lively debate about why someone would turn a mine into a maze will help
 you while away the time it'll take trying to figure out a way through this
 mind-numbing mine-maze.
=Dungeon Conditions: Stupify==================================================
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

Siegfried scowls as he walks. His armor is scuffed -- and he had the rather graceless problem of having to be pushed a few times.

He isn't paying as much attention as he should to the surroundings, because when Fei speaks, he looks at him sharply. It isn't the remark about a maniac -- even if he agrees -- but rather what Fei says after. His eyes narrow for a moment. "A strange dream," he says, before he looks forward. "I know of it. Once, it was a Metal Demon base -- and should we find it and raise, it shall be again."

He takes a left turn as he talks. "And in what dreams did you see this? Perhaps it was an inspiration--or perhaps a warning." The Quarter Knight frowns, and he takes another left. It quickly turns into a slow right, down a winding tunnel.

This is when he comes to a stop, and peers around the intersection that he finds himself at. He announces, warily: "...We have already been this way."

DG: Siegfried has contributed a Wits Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Minor Miner Maze.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei Fong Wong looks decidedly more nervous once Siegfried admits he knows of it. It used to be a metal demon base. It will be again. There is one element Fei neglected to mention because it involved a whole lot of corpses of a kind of people Fei never met before.

He swallows, decidedly disquieted from Siegfried's admission. He wonders how much he should say of it. Should he say more? Can he trust Siegfried with the contents of such a thing? If he doesn't tell him, will it just mean that history will repeat itself??

It's exceptionally more of a burden on Fei's shoulders than he'd like to admit. Siegfried is not a pal to humanity, but surely he is a pal to the metal demons and he wouldn't want something to happen that would fuck EVERYBODY over if it also includes the metal demons. Fei would prefer humanity to survive, but he'd also prefer that SOMETHING survives. In his deep gut, Fei can't truly expect the latter. Already, the planet is dying. Clinging to humanity--it may not be the right move at all. It's not as if humans wouldn't still live on Lunar, after all.

But something keeps him from just accepting humanity's decline and that's a human he particularly cares for. He has a few of them now, but one is stronger purely by weight.

"A maze." Fei says, sighing. "...Well I can try to draw a map but it won't be a sure thing. Not a cartographer." He starts scribbling as they walk using the Etrian Odyssey method which means a lot of pausing to scribble in 'walls'.

"Something awful happened. There was a red light and--" Fei shakes his head, pinching his forehead. He can't seem to go on.

"ghh..." He grunts, checking the map so far. "Hope that sudden migraine didn't fuck up my map..."

DG: Fei Fong Wong has used his Tool Artist's Toolkit toward his party's challenge, Minor Miner Maze.
DG: The party led by Siegfried has failed this challenge! The party gained 4 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management
commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw.
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

"A red light?" Siegfried asks. He frowns. "Then, you remember the same light at Old Petra. Perhaps... the appearance of that thing has given you dreams. I did not think it the same man, but... I saw that light, at Deus Ex Machina. You would do well to avoid that light, human. It would not spare you."

And yet, earlier, he said power does not discriminate. A hypocrisy or an oversight, perhaps.

The Quarter Knight stays quiet as Fei draws a map. He nods his approval -- and he follows after. In the end, the maze is so complex that it isn't easily handled. They circle back several times. At one point, they find there were two levels, and end up emerging into them. It takes the better part of a half hour, before they finally come around a corner and see a place they haven't before.

Siegfried mutters, once, as they round the bend and find...

DG: Fei Fong Wong has drawn a new Challenge.
==========================<* The Lightless Shaft *>===========================
=====================<* CHALLENGE - Friggin' Spriggan *>======================
|Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Combat    |Challenge Rating: 2          |
--------------------------< Challenge Information: >--------------------------
 Don't you just hate it when you're just taking a lovely midday stroll
 through a mine shaft so deep not even the barest shards of light can reach
 you now, looking for a nice spot to picnic without getting gouts of dust all
 over your PB&J sandwiches, when all of a sudden a fantastic fae giant
 springs fully formed out of the earth to come lumbering at you on four limbs
 even though it looks like a stone-and-mineral-wrought human doll? Well,
 better learn to deal, because that's happening, like. Right now.
=Dungeon Conditions: Tire=====================================================
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

"I guess it's true it might be different assholes." Fei says. "Though I suppose even if they're different, it might not matter if they're awful in the same way." But, he thinks about it, the way Siegfried is putting it. It makes sense. Maybe he wasn't the person who destroyed Lahan after all. They said it was Weltall, but this 'red light' seems real powerful. Maybe it took over Weltall. Or took over HIM. Maybe he blacks out in a terror because like Cecilia, he is getting visions and it's messing with his head? It's actually the nicest possible interpretation of the evidence that Fei can think of so he's going to go ahead and rely on that one.

He laughs, a bit cynically. "It's not as if I have much left to be spared for." He looks back at his map and groans. "Uggh-- I didn't take into account the slopes."

He scrunches up the map in frustration but they do eventually get to something frankly relaxing by this point.

Something trying to kill them.

A fae giant bursts out of the ground, looking like one of those Nier giant cannibal babies. It groans and glints as it wobbles towards Siegfried, wanting to feast on his delicious materials!

Fei Fong Wong says, "The hell is that!" as he tries to distract the giant with a flick of his RPS Badge (ENCOUNTER RATE INCREASED) into the air. It glints as Fei leaps up and grabs ahold of its head, grabing around its head and eyes and throwing his weight back and forth to try and make it tumble.

"Was this thing here when it wasn't a ruin??" Fei asks with a 'why is everything awful' tint to his voice.

DG: Fei Fong Wong has used his Tool RPS Badge toward his party's challenge, Friggin' Spriggan.
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

"No," Siegfried says. "A related power, I think. I find it hard to believe that a human could live so long... but that their power might. And yet... he knew too much." He scowls for a moment. "He knew things that suggest he did live that long."

He looks sideways at Fei, then. Siegfried frowns, before he looks ahead. "Much left to be spared for," he repeats. "You are the one who chooses whether you deserve life or success. Remember that, human. Give others control of your worth, and you give them control over you."

It is, almost, nice.

He snarls, though, when the giant bursts from the ground. All stone and long limbs, it smashes into the ground, causing it to shake. Siegfried contemplates his options for a moment -- and then he leaps into the air, and Glumzambor swings free from his back. Light glints on the edge of the sword, as he swings the Dark Spear down.

"I know not," the Quarter Knight rumbles. "I never came to this one before. Which is why I chose this to test myself!"

The Dark Spear slams downward, and he tries to chop it in two just as Fei distracts it with the RPS Badge.

DG: Siegfried has contributed a Combat Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Friggin' Spriggan.
DG: The party led by Siegfried has passed this challenge! The party gained 26 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management
commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei Fong Wong is given... actually the advice is pretty damn good. Is Fei living for himself right now or is he letting people like Bart decide where he's going to go? Certainly, Bart isn't actually forcing him to do anything--rather, Fei has attached himself to Bart's dream without really considering what HE wants. Yes, he's happy to help Bart, but can he have his own, new dream? One he can reach out for? Or is he just going to be someone's hired muscle?

He literally called himself Bart's muscle at one point.

Siegfried is strong, he thinks. Such a man could lead humans if he wanted to as well as metal demons, it mattered not what race he was or his weaknesses. It did not paralyze him. Fei so often feels paralyzed.

Fei lowers his head. The commotion of the fight has loosened his ponytail somewhat and his bangs cover his face. He smiles. It's just Fei at home, now, just Fei realizing what he's been hearing all tournament. His fists are confused. He isn't like the rest of the Drifters. He has dreams he is chasing, but not a Dream. He has desires, but not hopes. Not capital H Hopes. He isn't protecting a 'people', merely defending them because he hates to see bloodshed. There isn't anything noble about that.

He says, "You're right. I have to..." He pulls back sharply on the creature, pushing chi into his grip even as Siegfried dives in and swipes through it with his spear, slaying it in a single blow. Fei is thrown clear and as the creature falls but he manages to land in a sliding drop to the ground.

"It's tougher with two than with three," He admits. "Or uh--four." Quarter Knight joke. Why does this feel so familiar? Does it matter that it feels familiar?

Maybe if he can look towards the future like the others, he can one day grasp his past. What is his dream? He can still dream, can't he?

DG: Siegfried has drawn a new Challenge.
==========================<* The Lightless Shaft *>===========================
======================<* CHALLENGE - Spartan Spartois *>======================
|Type: Exploration |Dungeon Ability: Combat    |Challenge Rating: 1          |
--------------------------< Challenge Information: >--------------------------
 There's really not that much going on with these guys. They're skeletons.
 They wear some stock iron armor. They all have short-swords. Pretty
 utilitarian, all said. One could say they're rather efficient what with
 carrying only the bare necessities, but all in all, they're sort of boring
 in the end, aren't they? Maybe something to consider later, since they're
 probably about to try to stab you now.
=Dungeon Conditions: Wound====================================================
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

Siegfried gives Fei a long look, then looks back ahead. Yes, he thinks, this is familiar. His thoughts mirror Fei's in that moment -- even as the fae giant drops. He swings the Dark Spear around, as if to rest it, but then it abruptly changes course and swings back up -- pointing down the hallway, as he hears a noise.

"They come," the Quarter Knight says, "and there are only the two of us. Prepare yourself!"

The spartoi lumber forward -- and then rush. The skeletons, bearing iron weapons, come rushing outward. Glumzambor flashes -- and the first two go down in a flash of reverse-prismatic light, a blade of Negative Rainbow energy ripping through two. Then, Siegfried raises his blade, parrying the sword swing of one that gets through.

Another two rush for Fei -- one slashes down with its spear. The other comes for his side, shoulder lowered, and tries to ram an iron pauldron into Fei's ribs.

DG: Siegfried has contributed a Combat Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Spartan Spartois.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

"Right!" Fei agrees. His hesitance, fear, terror, concerns--they don't matter anymore right now. It's not that they're gone, they're just not strong enough. That feeling of despair, that feeling that it's all been done before--Fei doesn't want it holding him back anymore. Fei wants a better future and the part of him that is hissing in his ear saying that there is no better future and that his attempts are doomed to fail. There are moments he didn't feel like that. Fei remembers those moments. He focuses on them.

He darts off running. He can be fast if he wants to be, catching the RPS Badge as it falls. The encounter rate increases, but the quality of enemy is significantly weaker than the prior beast. Fei is feeling confident in this moment.

Spartois lumber at them. One swipes with a spear and Fei snaps a kick for the creature's hand, sending it and the spear flying. He swings his fist upwards ina an uppercut, trying to interrupt the other one by knocking off its skull before it can slam into him with the pauldron.

Of course they're skeletons. It might not stop them, but Fei right now is pretty...

8)

Feirocious. He is letting himself enjoy the battle for once. It might be a trait of Siegfried's leadership abilities, a faint remembrance of fainter times, or both.

Or maybe it's just hard to feel bad about beating up the literal undead.

DG: Fei Fong Wong has used his Tool RPS Badge toward his party's challenge, Spartan Spartois.
DG: The party led by Siegfried has passed this challenge! The party gained 22 exploration! If anyone needs to use party management
commands, do so now. Otherwise, the next round's GM may begin the next round with +dungeon/draw.
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

Between the two, they smash down the spartoi. Fei's fists send the last one down. Dust erupts, along with bone fragments. Siegfried swings Glumzambor down, stabbing the blade into the ground of the cavern. The spartoi he fought lay in two halves at his feet.

"I see you are stronger than some might assume," the Quarter Knight says. His tone has changed; it has become something bordering on respectful. The fact that it has troubles him.

The fact that this is familiar troubles him.

He nods, before he turns on a heel. His cape flutters out behind him -- and he continues walking down the tunnel. "Come," he says. "The end shall soon be in sight."

DG: Fei Fong Wong has drawn a new Challenge.
==========================<* The Lightless Shaft *>===========================
================<* CHALLENGE - Two-For-One Spriggan Special *>================
|Type: Final       |Dungeon Ability: Combat    |Challenge Rating: 3          |
--------------------------< Challenge Information: >--------------------------
 What's better than one earth-sculpted fairy behemoth ruining your day of
 cavorting through dangerous abandoned mines? Two, of course! Wait. No.
 That's worse. Well, regardless. There's two of them, and they look like they
 want to make you a fixture of the mines to be later excavated by other,
 intrepid drifters before being tossed aside because skeletons aren't really
 worth anything in this economy. So maybe you should... handle them, before
 that happens.
=Dungeon Conditions: Overwhelm================================================
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei gets nervous when he's happy. Like he expects it to be snatched away. Like that's what he SHOULD expect.

But not this time. He's goddamn determined goddamnit. He's tired of people seeing right through him. He knows they're right, that's the worst part, but because they're right--he can do something with that. If he felt they were wrong, he'd just still be frustrated. But they're correct about him.

They call you 'Tainted', don't they? Your comrades must truly care for you

He wasn't trying to be cruel, it's just the only way he knows how to make a connection. He's like a child, breaking plates so his parents know he's upset. It's not unlike a cry for help, isn't it?

It's exhilirating, someone accepting your thoughts

'I see you are stronger than some might assume' Siegfried tells him. It's true. Fei looks at his hands. He's holding back. Even when he's not holding back he is holding back. He doesn't know what it is. He doesn't know how it is. All he knows is that it's not just him being afraid of his own strength. There's something deeper than that, holding him back at such a subconcious level he's not aware that it's there.

But the people he's fighting with. They can feel it.

"I should be..." Fei says with dawning realization. "Even that man said that I had power--but I didn't think I was holding back at the time. I felt like I had more than I'd ever need, but only when I didn't want it." He flexes and unflexes his hands in deep thought. "...But that's not quite right. Something's wrong." He murmurs. "I'm...Tainted."

Before he can clarify, there's not one spriggan. There's two spriggans. They drop down simultaneously. It's a Two Versus Two match.

"...Guess there's one for each of us this time." He says. He recalls that the teamwork was pretty damn important last time, this time it's going to be harder.

He rushes, fully intent to hop onto one of the Spriggans and hold it back like the first, trying to pull it back to slam it against the back wall.

DG: Fei Fong Wong has contributed a Combat Basic Action toward his party's challenge, Two-For-One Spriggan Special.
<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

Siegfried looks, sideways, at Fei. A strange man, he thinks, and stranger still that he calls himself tainted. He has spoken to Riesenlied, then. The Quarter Knight is unsurprised. He scowls, as he looks forward -- and then at his own Spriggan. "Perhaps," he allows. "But... perhaps not. These creatures will demand no honor of us. They will not seek a fair battle. Nor should we provide it."

He throws a hand out -- and a small disc falls to the ground. Its top unfurls, four plates popping out, and then a blue crackle of lightning explodes upward.

It expands, then fades. In its place stands a reptilian creature, with a spine-covered shell. Its armor is black metal plating, typical of a Metal Beast, and its eyes burn pale gold, as it turns to look at the Spriggan that Fei has not rushed for. The Trask bellows -- and swipes a claw out, trying to smash that Spriggam into another.

Siegfried handles the dungeon's boss monster by summoning his own boss monster.

DG: Siegfried has used his Tool Trask Beacon toward his party's challenge, Two-For-One Spriggan Special.
DG: You have overcome the dungeon's trials! This run is a success!
DG: The party led by Siegfried has successfully explored The Lightless Shaft!
==========================<* The Lightless Shaft *>===========================
================<* CHALLENGE - Miniaturized Golem Servitor *>=================
|Type: Discovery   |Dungeon Ability: Discovery |Challenge Rating: 1          |
--------------------------< Challenge Information: >--------------------------
 Ancient civilization sure must have been convenient, what with having tiny
 robot butlers around to wait on their every need. At least, that's really
 what this tiny, most-intact golem looks like it was meant to do before it
 was buried under here from who knows what cataclysmic event. It looks sleek
 aside from rust and dust, and likely would have made for the most refined
 and polite of tiny butlers. Too bad ancient civilization had to explode.
 Thanks a lot, ancient civilization! Oh well. You might as well sell this to
 Ethos or some other scholarly organization or individual, because there's
 not a lot of waiting it's going to be doing now.
=Dungeon Conditions: Treasure=================================================
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei Fong Wong doesn't look physically crippled in the slightest though there's a lot of ways to be limited. Fei doesn't know what it is. He can feel the weight of the world on his shoulders growing heavier with each reincarnation, but he doesn't know it's there. He's not awake, but it still affects him in subtle quiet ways. That isn't even getting into the actual psychic torture.

Fei grasps at the creature but this one's a lot wilder than the other one. More often than not it's Fei that's getting slammed into the back wall rather than his opponent. Fei is getting his butt kicked, but he has the willpower to hold on in spite of himself.

MEANWHILE

Siegfried chooses you, Trask!

BGM INTERRUPT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drrNmmX-ves

Maybe it's the growing cocussion, but Fei just has to watch and stare as the Trask and the spriggan do battle. There's some back and forth before Siegfried calls for a CLAW SWIPE attack!!

IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE!

That spriggan is sideswipd into Fei's spriggan and they both slam hard into FEI who smashes his head one last time against the back wall before the walls crack and crumble in towards the whole crew.

Fei barely is able to leap out of the way in time before he is buried under the others.

"Well," Fei admits dizzily as he tries to stand three times before he finally manages it. "...That could have been worse."

And then they come into a small area, more cleanly dug than the rest of the ruins. Behind a table, inactive and forgotten, is a robot that DIED A SLAVE. A bottle of wine of half empty wine lies nearby, smelling no doubt awful since it's been here for WAY too long.

"...Huh." Fei says. "...I don't think I've ever seen a golem this small before." He winces as he rubs at the back of his head.

<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

Siegfried frowns, slightly, when Fei gets batted aside. He did not plan that. He nods at the martial artist's assessment, though. "Yes. Trask, come. Keep an eye for any opposition that may yet remain."

He doesn't argue, when he follows -- and then stops before a table. He scowls down at the golem for a moment. Those remain ill memories. The Quarter Knight scowls, before he looks at Fei. "I have no need of such a thing," he says. "The experience that I have earned here... yes. This will suffice."

His arm is healed. He has held his own. And he may have something approaching an answer -- even if many questions remain.

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

The last thing Fei wants in the world is a robot butler. It feels wrong, but a small robot butler IS sort of, you know, a find for science. He hums a faint melody to himself. From the music box a lifetime (not literal) ago. Why is he thinking of that now? He's definitely a strange man. It's a nice, simple melody though. His head feels clearer.

Once he's done checking it out he admits, "I think I know someone who might want to check it out, but--" He frowns. Should he just bring it to Emma Hetfield? He didn't really come here for treasure.

That's a strange thought. He looks back over to Siegfried. He came here because his past is there. He's certain of it. Siegfried knows more than what he says.

why are you trying to get closer to him? You'll just get hurt.

Fei doesn't recognize the voice that he can barely hear. It sounds quiet. Scared.

Fei admits, "You really surprised me there." He admits. "...In more ways than one. I enjoyed it."

but it's going to end like it always ends

Fei says, "It's a tough feeling to hold onto but--thank you." He raises his head, brushing away blood from the head wounds he's suffered today. He has to talk to Riesenlied again. "It's a different sort of ailment, but once I truly understand it I can fight it."

It's the same path he's been lead to all along, but now he understands the why and way far more clearly. Until he can treat himself, until he understands himself, he'll just be another broken mirror reflecting the sorry state of this world.

<Pose Tracker> Siegfried has posed.

There are things that Siegfried is unsure how to work with. There are ways that, as a Metal Demon, he is alien to humans. This is one such thing. He hears the way his voice quiets -- the way he says he enjoyed it. For a moment, it reminds him of before... and yet, that memory is strange. After all, Siegfried has had few friends. None of the Quarter Knights could be called friends, even if they were comrades.

And the memory of one friend is complicated. His eyes narrow, and then he shakes head. "Then fight it," he says. "Our paths will bring us to battle. I despise your kind, human, and all you stand for... but I would fight you as you could be."

He turns. "As you should be, at your best. So fight it -- and do not succumb to the weakness that grips so many in this world, when they lie to themselves."

Yes, he thinks, it is familiar.

But his former friend returning is impossible. His expression shifts, into one less stern and more thoughtful, when he looks away from Fei. The familiarity is a terrible lie -- because his memories hold the truth.

After all, Lacan was gone long before he died.

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei is fractured. He can't say that he doesn't despise Siegfried's kind. He also can't say he does despise them. And hating them isn't really helpful, or different, from how he feels when faced with a mirror. But he understands the general thrust of the problem. He doesn't have a strategy to deal with it, but he has a path. He thinks he can handle it.

It's almost too bad it doesn't matter how much Fei is resolved.

It doesn't matter how strong he becomes.

It doesn't matter how well he can face the future.

Because 'Fei' isn't even real. He is a persona summoned forth to battle the world in place of the true self.

And the true self is done with facing the pain of this world. It's done it before. It faced the pain of this world longer than Siegfried, longer than Grahf, longer than anyone on this godforsaken planet. And it's done.

It's done. It will lie in comfort and sleep amongst the happy memories and god help anyone who tries to rouse him.

But someday maybe it will mean something. Someday. Fei still has so far left to run before he reaches the end of the world.

Filgaia Will Never Expect You. He thought that feeling of that statement was hate. It wasn't just hate, though. It was also a deep sorrow over something that could not be changed.

Could it not be changed? He knows people who can talk to the Guardians, right? Can't he fix this?

He can say this, "I don't despise you. I thought I did, but it's Frustration." That's right. He hates but not because he doesn't like Siegfried. He hates because he DOES like Siegfried but he knows that the way forward isn't one where a hug and kind words can repair. It's beyond that. That's why he didn't want Riesenlied and Noeline to be dissapointed.

"I will give you what you want though." He promises, mostly to himself. "Because that's the only path forward I see that has the slight possibility for a better future."

He doesn't want to trick himself or lie to himself that he thinks that this time it will be anything different.

Lacan was long gone before he died.

Where did he go, then?