2017-08-08: Honesty
- Log: Honesty
- Cast: Loren Voss, Elhaym van Houten
- Where: Bledavik - Slums
- Date: August 8th 2017
- Summary: Elly catches Loren out of bounds later at night and cuts him a deal. But the answer she receives is...
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Around this time of night, Bledavik...
Well, a city Bledavik's size is never truely asleep, paticularly not during a festival period. But even in a city Bledavik's size some of the noise and activity at least mostly dies down.
For example, right now, in a period somewhere north of midnight but still far south of the sun spreading its dread rays over the horizon, it's relatively quiet. Particularly in this part of the slums, far from the night shift underway at other parts of the city.
With a bit of effort -- a little struggling as he hauls himself up over the edge here -- Loren slowly rises to his feet. Too much light near where they're barracked up. Still might be too much light here, but he'll be damned if he'll wander out into the desert tonight, alone. It's already cold enough in the city to make him wish he'd brought a jacket. Things cool down fast, it's still a lesson he's yet to fully digest, it seems.
Dressed only in the lighter gear used during sparring sessions, in this little light he just about blends in with the natives -- if things other than dress weren't about to give him away, that is.
But potentially blending in at a distance is best right now for his goals. It's one reason he's chosen a rather circuitous route through the city rather than, say, take the stairs. Technically speaking, he's outside the location he's supposed to be at this hour, though whether he'd get a citation for this is...
Still not something he wants to test.
The medic glances upwards, squinting in the gloom. He's going to have to see if he can get up higher. Up onto someone's roof, most likely.
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
And around a corner comes Loren's worst nightmare.
Elly is wearing a loose light coat over her shoulders, perhaps in anticipation of this very chill. She is coming from the direction of the official confirmed areas. She has - improbably - a purse over her shoulder, but under the coat. She looks at Loren and she seems just as surprised to see him as he might be to see her.
In this sudden encounter, the first thing out of Elly's mouth is: "Loren!"
Then she speaks more conversationally as if with surprise. "Are you heading out to the desert too?"
What?
Elly fishes in the pocket of that coat, producing a slip of colored paper, stamped by, probably, Kahm Yugh. "I was heading to the southeast quadrant towards the mountain. To..." Elly trails off, before pocketing the pass again and giving Loren a lingering, more searching than usual look.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Doesn't it figure?
Even in the gloom, Elly is difficult to miss. It's probably the hair. He takes a step backwards, daring one look behind him. ...No, then he'd just get caught anyway. It's too late, she's already seen him.
And called out his name.
"...Are you going to report--"
He stops dead and stares at her. If it were any other time of day, perhaps the call of a bird would interrupt this prologued silence.
The medic's never been good with very sudden twists in circumstance, particularly when they're social-oriented. He's still grappling with the fact that he's been caught by Elly of all people that the mention of 'heading out too' and the otherwise perfect opening that would have given him...
It's like throwing a life preserver to a drowning man, only for the drowner to fail to grab ahold.
"You're... what?" At this hour? That might as well be the silent question, one that gets a prompt answer as she flashes him the pass.
Something in his stomach twists. No, of course whatever she's doing he doesn't want, he'd rather be left alone, but...
And she's giving him an odd look.
"...What is it?" he asks, in spite of himself and his current circumstances.
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
Elly feels a weird, almost perverse little frisson of power when Loren says that half-completed phrase. She blinks at Loren once slowly, and then says, "I'm just surprised to run into you, Loren. It's after hours. I'm only out because I need to try out a couple of things in this kind of an environment, so I know how to use them in an emergency."
What things? She doesn't clarify.
Elly's head tilts forwards as she shifts slightly closer to Loren. There is a saving blessing that she is not awash in that mediocre perfume now.
Her voice lowers. "What are you doing out here?"
It feels dirty, to Elly, to do this, but perhaps she remembers the proposal to microchip her like a meat animal. Her face is expressionless, although, inevitably, it softens like a glacier after Zeboim-era carbon emissions. "You look like you're freezing..."
She unbuttons her coat. This takes a little bit. Long enough for Loren to react, to answer, or to simply worry himself to death.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
There's a particular potency to the sensation that not only are you doomed but that you've just put yourself there.
He looks like the rabbit caught in the snare, in other words -- not yet certain what to do or how to panic, but positive about the fact that he's trapped.
She has clearance to be out here. He doesn't. And he's wondering just what, if anything's even left to him, he can do to stop this before it gets worse. "...That's..." he utters, the drowning man now flailing for anything he can to save his life. "I can explain, I..."
She approaches him. Loren straightens -- shoulders rolling back, spine stiff -- as if he would recoil if he thought it were possible.
He doesn't have an excuse, as she asks him that very direct question.
And he's always hated lying to people.
(Lambs are not people.)
"It's not that cold," Loren briefly deflects, but there's only so long you can hold out before you sink below the waves.
He looks away. "I was... I wanted to look at the stars," he admits at last. His shoulders sag. "...So yes, I'm not supposed to be out here," he replies, looking back at her. He's already in for it, he might as well face the situation directly. "Are you going to report this, van Houten?"
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
Elly listens to Loren as she starts to shrug out of her coat, as he begins to explain. His shoulders sag, and then they gain new weight, because Elly just put her coat over them. Underneath she's wearing the more conventional uniform, and that pleather one-piece is probably plenty warm.
The coat is slightly too small but is also very warm.
"I don't know," Elly answers Loren.
She said it with honesty, with reflex. She looks up at his eyes for a moment, then away. "... But that's a meaningless question, isn't it? Whichever way I answer, you wouldn't know. Not unless I decided to shout and call the guards, or something like that."
"It wouldn't be a major offense, anyway... you could have said you were lost, or had lost track of time, or dozed in a local cafe. That wouldn't be too bad, would it? But..."
Elly trails off.
She looks at Loren directly again. "Are you a destroyer?" she asks abruptly, almost barking it. In her mind, of course, she's thinking of that person, K.K., and their spectral hounds and their malevolence, or near occasion to same. To Loren this may not be so clear.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Loren rather suddenly ends up with a coat draped across his shoulders. A coat that probably wouldn't fit him if he tried to wear it, admittedly, but the gesture alone makes him feel...
Uneasy, really. What's the point of this? What does she mean by it? Does he look that pathetic right now, or is this just some setup for...
"...I said it wasn't that cold," he says, a statement which is in and of itself partially untrue. It's not that cold, but he's not exactly warm. Or wasn't, until a couple seconds ago.
He reaches up, pulling the coat off, and hands it back her way.
She doesn't know, she answers, an answer that does little to make him feel at ease right now. "You haven't answered my question," he repeats, as if it would make a difference if she told him or not. So, what, is this her response? Let him sit and sweat it out for the next few days until he finds out?
"...It would have been a lie."
Sometimes something's only halfway true. Sometimes a lie needed. Sometimes you have to lie. Arguably, he could have justified a lie right now, one way or another. Just...
There's more than a few reasons why he might be ill-suited for the subterfuge mission Elly is about to attempt.
He looks up at last, meeting her gaze.
"...A what?"
If he looks taken aback, it might be because he is.
"--Of course not!" The answer rises to the fore quickly.
A little too quickly.
He's not, right? He's not going to make everything even more of a wreck.
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
Elly looks straight at Loren for a few moments, her expression unreadable. She doesn't take the coat he tries to foist back on her, which probably doesn't help.
The silence goes on for five seconds, exactly one second longer than it takes to become uncomfortable. Elly then shifts her stance, straightening up and sweeping a hand up and through her bangs, fingers twisting through her hair and tossing it back, as if to brush off dust or the cares of the world or possibly Loren.
Her eyes were closed for a moment, but they open again.
"You're telling the truth," Elly then says, decisively. (That's exactly how the Lieutenant Commander would say it, Elly thinks.) She watches Loren's face for a moment to see if he pulls too much of a face quickly, but keeps going.
"If you want, I'll cover for you," Elly then says, and OH now she's back to her treacly voice. "You can get a better view from outside the perimeter, anyway. I don't expect you to do anything more than find a good place and stay put for half an hour or so, and then when we come in, you were my medical observer."
"But," Elly says, still not reaching for the coat, "I want something from you."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
People, in general, tend to be hard to read. That's in Loren's experience, anyway -- they say one thing to you, and then it's just by chance that you learn they thought differently all along. You can't trust the face people present to you.
Which just makes that face, coming from her, worse. What's going on behind those eyes? What is she thinking about? Who is Elly -- the girl who killed a few members of their graduating class, apparent recipient of the good graces from just about everyone he's met here on duty -- really?
While he lowers his arm -- still holding the coat -- he doesn't divert his attention, heart thudding away at a steady pace in the depths of his chest cavity. She opens her eyes and--
What?
Once again, he feels as if he's flung from his moorings. Loren blinks, widening his eyes, then shakes his head. "What does that have to do with..."
He takes in a long, slow breath.
There it is. That's where this is going.
Blackmail.
"...What is it?" he asks, still holding her coat. Get the conditions and then agree. Or don't. So runs his thoughts -- if she's about to ask him to do something wildly againt protocol, he'll...
...Just have to be a disappointment. The way his gaze darkens suggests a more sour turn for his mental state.
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
Elly takes a deep breath.
Now I have to figure out what I want from him. She doesn't reach for her coat right away.
What do I want from him? Elly thinks.
"What I want from you is... an answer. I want you to be honest, even if it's negative. I know you're... probably afraid; but I'll swear to you that I won't do a single thing against you, no matter what your answer is. Alright?" Elly looks up then, for agreement.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
She delays.
And he's left wondering just what on Filgaia she's intending to ask of him.
What she wants from Loren is an answer. To what, she won't elaborate. Not yet. He draws a breath, the whole of his world feeling as if it's narrowed. She won't do a single thing. That's what she says -- but can he trust that?
Certain versus uncertain doom, all bearing down on if he'll give her an answer.
"...You're not giving me much choice here," Loren points out, furrowing his brow. "Fine. I agree."
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
Elly swallows for a moment and looks at the Aveh cobbles.
You have to know this, she tells herself. Say it directly. The worst he can say is -
Well, you know what it is. Think of it as like those little worms in the science class, the ones that digest plant husks and then become beetles, which feed the -
The analogy breaks down as Elly's blue-purple eyes gleam in the desert night and she asks Loren, "Do you hate me?" Her tone is a little sad, but soft, not agonized.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
'Be honest', she says.
And then she goes and asks him a question like that.
Be honest. Is that even possible? Or would she just report it back to the Captain or something?
Hair standing on end on the back of his neck, Loren shakes his head, struck speechless for a long moment that drags out, extends...
Be honest. At this point, she'll probably know if he's lying.
"...I don't hate you," he says at last.
There's really only one person he can manage hate for anymore, the pure rush of hate as opposed to bitter loathing.
Or--
Be honest. He'll know if he's lying.
"I resent you."
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
Elly feels a deep heartfelt surge in her soul, an urge to let her eyes water and to plead, 'why'.
And...
She doesn't do it. There is a sharp intake of breath, and then Elly nods slightly, once.
"... I understand," she says. "Thank you for being honest with me, Loren."
Looking down the street, she says, "I suppose... It would be pointless to ask you to come along any further. But if you still want to do your star gazing, I don't mind if you want to slip out under my wing."
She doesn't look back at Loren as she says, "I'll be out of your sight. If you just want to go back to barracks after this, that's alright too; I just won't mention it to anyone..."
Her eyes are contorted strangely now, as Elly holds back tears that want to come even if she won't let them, but then, that's why she's not looking at Loren.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
The 'why' might not be difficult to assemble, for anyone capable of dispassionately assembling the clues and facts.
Even beyond the fear -- tempered by uncertainity -- he has of her and her abilities, shown every time he twitches when she seems about to unfold into an expanse of cleansing fire, the why pivots on more personal matters.
Compare, for example, his family circumstances to hers.
In the meantime, he tenses, as if expecting something... more from her than the way she simply says that she 'understands'. But all she does is quietly thank him for his honesty.
It's arguably the first time anyone has ever thanked him for his honest opinion of them.
"...No," he agrees, his head dipping in a shallow, curt nod. "There's no need. I will be returning to the barracks." And then he shoves her jacket -- still in his arms -- her way. "You'll need this." It's cold out there, and whatever he might feel about her, she's still his teammate.
And if she comes down with an illness, it'll be his responsibility and paperwork.
It means that all of this was for nothing, though -- the planning, the careful path through the city, the deal they struck just now -- but to be honest, he...
Wants to be anywhere but here.
Anywhere but near her.
His heart's not in it, not anymore.
"...I'm leaving," he reiterates, before turning away. If she hasn't reclaimed her jacket by now, he'll just... drape it over a nearby barrel, or whatever other makeshift coat rack presents itself as he begins to make his way back.
<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.
"Oh," Elly says. "Of course." She takes the coat then, and she parts ways with Loren, and -
Well, she doesn't get seen for a while. The mission has begun. She headed south, towards the Adelhyde/Lacour zone. She has to find Fei.
Loren may see her again, but not many more times.
Not for a while.
Maybe it's better that way.