2017-08-09: Don't Forget But Don't Look Back

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<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.

It'd be interesting to see what this thing'd be like in motion in the desert.

That to date has been approximately Josephine's conclusion aboard the Yggdrasill, and it hasn't really changed much.

She'd still like to see that engine room though. That'd be nice.

Today sees the archaeologist up on the top deck and leaning against the railing. The wind's picked up today, catching a few stray locks of her pale hair.

Not much longer now.

Overhead, a black-and-white pigeon -- Penelope -- twirls and tumbles in the breeze, every so often landing to perch somewhere up high. Mostly, the bird's constrained whenever she's on board the ship, so perhaps she enjoys the freedom to fly where she wants.

That's what Josie would like to think, anyway.

Or maybe she's just projecting. 

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

Penelope might be the first to spot Lily Keil, approaching the ship on foot in black wearing a dark cloak. Evening isn't here, the day still bright, but there's sunset to come, and Lily for her part appreciates her hood. Her eyes are still bloodshot, her hands still gloved. And of course, she has a beautiful wood-edged ARM rifle slung over her shoulder with a red strap holding it there.

If one looks, there's a wide shape flying off from where Lily starts walking. But only if one happens to be looking.

Not much longer, now.

Lily climbs at the ladder up to the deck, one rung after another, her Malevolent aura easy to spot as much as her dark figure against the ship. As she makes it up she takes off her hood and looks around to see--

"Josie," she murmurs, and stands up on the deck, her black hair windswept on the deck. "..." She shakes her head, "Have a cigarette?" 

<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.

"Lily?"

Penelope

settles down.

That's the first outward sign that someone (a particular someone) is approaching. High overhead, the fancy pigeon settles onto careful sheltered perch and watches from above, black eyes glittering in the light.

Her gaze is intense.

The bird feels something that Josie, straightening and glancing off in the direction of approaching footsteps on the ladder, misses.

But Josie still felt it, just as always.

"...Why, are you offering?" Josie asks, pushing off from the railing. "I won't say no."

In silence, the archaeologist studies Lily.

"...How're you doing, kiddo?" 

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

Lily doesn't answer the question of her name; after all, Josie notied her by now, and she already said enough, so that's fine. Instead she glances up to Penelope on her perch, looks around for anyone else who might be here.

Seeing no one, she makes her way the rest of the way up, and shakes her head. "I was asking," she points out instead. A shake of her head; her eyes are still very red. There's little on her body that can be seen as the archaeologist looks her over, given Lily's armored vest and jacket, dark bulky clothing.

But her face is obvious enough; she looks a bit like hell.

"Fine," Lily answers. "I've been dealing with a hangover today," she admits, "But it is what it is." Lily stands with Josie, crossing her arms. "I... Mm." 

<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.

"Deck's clear for now. I bet they'll have someone up soon, though," Josie says, cutting to the chase where Lily's concerns tend to lie. "In fact, I'd offer to clear off if it's alone time you want, but I'm not leaving her up here alone," she adds, gesturing up to the pigeon with the baleful-looking stare.

Lips part into a brief grin. "Just thought I'd check~ Anyway, I forgot 'em this time. I'd offer you a drink," she pats her hip, "but you look like you've had enough."

There's a meaningful pause.

"I told you, you know."

The silence she lapses into following is more prolongued, her focus occupying some space between herself and the deckfloor.

"...Your dad sounds like a real piece of work." Her lips twist. "...Guess you might not want to hear that from me, though, huh?" She tilts her head back, gazing up at the sky. "...I just don't like it." 

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

Lily looks immediately to Josephine as the older woman makes clear that she understands what it is that Lily is doing. "Guard change," Lily suggests, and shakes her head. "I don't mind Penelope," she points out. "And I don't mind you right now." Pause. "...Not that I usually mind you."

Lily shakes her head, obviously a little bit fogged. "Oh well," she says, shrugging. "I'll get a drink at the bar when I get down there. Unless I don't."

She pauses too. The silence there is long, and Lily moves to the railing, leaning hands on it and letting her weight bea down.

"I don't want to hear it from anyone," Lily corrects. "I don't want it to be true. But what other explanation do I have?"

"...What did you tell me? Remind me. I was off talking to a demon and I've been drinking a lot lately." Lily sighs. "...You don't like it, about him. Of course." 

<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.

Lopsidedly, Josie smiles. "Well, if you do want me to get lost, just say the word. You know, I don't think Penelope minds you much either."

From above, the pigeon continues to stare.

Josie rocks back on her heels slightly, leaning against the railing again. "Y'know, I know I'm the last person to tell you this, but don't overdo it, kiddo. You don't want to turn out like me." That smile of hers broadens, shining a little too cheerfully for her previous comments. "But there's something to be said for a drink in times like this..."

Silence surges outwards, heavy and looming.

"I'll be honest," Josie says, smile by this point gone from her face, her gaze averted from Lily. "It doesn't look good. And things being what they are, it's not as if you can just ask him. ...If he'd even tell the truth."

She glances back over at Lily, apparently caught a little off-guard. "What did I...? Oh, yeah. Probably something about taking it easy with the drinking, I think..." She shakes her head.

Her left hand swings back, grips the railing. Tightens. "...You bet. What kind of father does that to his daughter? ...Heh." She smiles to herself. It's a far cry from a happy smile. "So... Lily."

Her grip on the railing loosens a touch. "What're you going to do now? Now that you've seen what you've seen." 

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

"Sure, I'll let you know," Lily answers, shaking her head. "You think she doesn't? I think we have kind of an understanding. More or less."

Lily doesn't look up at the pigeon.

Lily stares out into the ground from the deck's railing, still hanging onto it, as Josie speaks to her and smiles at her. "I'm one good hand away from turning out like you," Lily points out. "...Whatever. I get what you mean, but..." There's something to be said.

Lily doesn't look back to Josie either, when the silence lifts. She remains silent for a while longer. "...I don't know. I might be able to get a message to him," she says. "I've thought about methods. I thought about them more when I thought that if we just found evidence, he could help us."

Lily still doesn't look over at Josie. "Right. I have to stop drinking so much." But she says it like she might or might not do it. If Josie's still looking, the pain in Lily's eyes at this subject is clear.

"What kind of father..." Lily trails off, distant. "I always thought, not him. Not my.." She doesn't smile. Finally se looks at Josie again.

"...Keep hunting Gryndille," she says. "The others can't..." She trails off, her voice breaking. "Keep hunting. Other than that, I don't know yet. Does it mean we have to face my father...? Maybe it does, somehow. I haven't..."

Quietly, "I haven't done a lot of talking with Leon since we came back. I've tried, but even with him..." 

<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.

'More or less' might have to cut it in this case.

Penelope isn't speaking on the subject, it seems.

"Ouch, low-blow, Lily," Josie says, wincing in a way that's quite overtly acted. "But seriously, you're still young enough..." Her shoulders rise and fall as she trails off, leaving whatever she had been about to say unsaid.

More serious matters take over the table.

"Memory Cube, for one. But..." She shakes her head. "Some things, you've got to say face-to-face. Words are nice on their own, but without the person there... You can make words say whatever you want them to say, but people are people. You'll know the truth if you talk to him."

As ugly as it probably is.

Josie glances downwards, at the deck, still gripping the railing with her good hand. "...It's rough, ain't it..."

Enough to make a girl want to spit.

But Lily at least knows what she wants to do. "I thought so. For their sake, huh?" This smile's a more honest one, her lips parting briefly as she glances Lily's way. "That's a good way of thinking of it. There're always gonna be those who can't fight back anymore..." She exhales a sigh, dark eyes tilting up towards the sky again. "Damn, I wish I had brought cigarettes, though... But no objections here. If you two have your hearts set on smashing that thing, then that's what you ought to do. ...Just try not to run off on your own again, okay?

A beat.

"You can't avenge anyone if you're dead."

But does Lily have to face her father then? "...Who knows. Heh heh, guess I'm not of much help there... But, I wouldn't worry about it just yet. Focus on Gryndille for now."

And, voice low, Lily confesses something to Josie.

Josie is positively poker-faced. "...Leon? Your dad was someone he looked up to, right? ...It figures he might be having a hard time of it too, or something..." 

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

Penelope doesn't usually speak. Lily remembers when the bird was probably about to bite her, back then.

"Is it?" Lily asks, and she knows full well it is, appreciating the wince a little in this case. "Still young enough," she repeats. She doesn't know entirely what Josie means, but she shakes her head. "I can't think about how I'm going to turn out. My ground isn't stable enough for that. I don't even know if..." She stops, shakes her head.

"I feel the same. I want to talk to him in person. But that's hard to do. The best I could do is hope he went into the field, or request his presence and hope it wasn't just an ambush. But... I want the truth. I need the truth. It's what I've needed for a long time."

It will be ugly, Lily is sure, because it aleady is. Josie mentions that it's rough, and Lily's gloved hands remain on the railing of the ship before she stands the rest of the way and starts rubbing at her fingers. "Mm."

Josie smiles, and Lily glances back at her, nodding. She looks sure; she looks resolue; she looks haunted. "There always will be," she repeats quietly. "I guess the cigarettes can wait. I..." She trails off.

"I guess we can't. But it's ours. It's ours to do. And I... The fact that I lived already..." She trails off again, closing her bloodshot eyes. "Ugh, it's so fucking bright everywhere. Why did I think it was a good idea to see Riesenlied today...?"

Ater muttering she nods to what Josie says about her father. "A task at a time. But we may deal with more Wolves. Which means more of my father." She stops. Her confession came out too, and Josie is unhelpfully hard to read. Lily scowls at that, though it fades. She hesitates.

"...I don't know," she admits, ashamed of herself. "I haven't asked. I even think of talking about it and I'm so nauseous. It's like... My hands shake. My own father."

Lily swallows, and takes off her gloves, one at a time, staring down at metallic violet-black markings. "...We lived in Nortune, both before and after starting at the Academy. Leon was over at my parents' home often, especially after we started dating. He was... part of the family. I have no illusions that my parents didn't understand how serious we were."

"...I'd already come up with little plans. About..." She trails off, and stares down at her hands. "Having a mission is the only thing keeping me going right now, Josie." 

<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.

"Well, if you come down later I'll give you one. I think you'd better not smoke on board, though. That butler guy has a mean look." Briefly, she grins, then winks.

In silence, she looks sidelong at Lily, any brief cheer draining slowly from her expression.

This smile is too tight-lipped to really be a smile. "...You're a little too young for a death wish, kiddo. Just think of it as making sure. Your teammates... hell, I bet they're cheering you on, you know?" She gestures openly, vaguely, with her right hand, as if to the people who aren't here. "So do 'em proud and make sure you break that thing once and for all. I know you've got your pride, but just... think about it." She leans in towards Lily. "Got it?"

She glances out towards the horizon. "And take it easy next time you go drinking. Hangovers are a killer." She would know!

"If he really is involved, then... yeah, probably so. But you've gotta put one foot before you first. Don't think about the rest yet."

Josephine Lovelace: best at encouraging people to take their revenge. Optimistically.

"...It's tough when it's your dad, huh..." Probably.

Sometimes.

Yes.

She's not unsympathetic, in spite of everything. Slowly, Josie exhales a long breath. So it was like that...

...Any good parents in this world? Sometimes you wonder.

"...What a damn mess..." she mutters, glancing away, her lips twisting in a scowl.

'About'.

Josie can guess. Somehow.

Wordlessly, she raises a hand to pat Lily -- just once -- on the shoulder.

"...That's how it is, sometimes, kiddo. But as long as it keeps you going. Any port in a sandstorm, right?"

She leans back, hand sliding away from the younger girl. "Leon's a tough one. I wouldn't worry too much about him -- worry about yourself first. Still... you two lovebirds should talk about this." She shrugs. "I don't know much about relationships. I've never had a steady one or anything. But, still. Talking works for most things, if you can talk."

Josie looks away. "And I think he can understand what you're going through. After all, he's goin' through the same thing, I bet." 

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

"Heh," Lily answers Josie. "Maybe I will. ...It'd be better out here anyway." The younger woman shakes her head. But even that distant, dull attempt at cheer doesn't last at the moment.

Talk of her teammates makes Lily sigh. "I lied to them," she admits. "The Wolves. But still, I tried so hard to keep them all alive. I never left any of them behind... Does it count that day, leaving them with those soldiers?" A shake of her head. "Maybe I am young for it. I'm sorry. I feel guilty enough. I don't even know that I want to call it a..."

Break it. Her pride. "Fine. I'll think about it," she says, and swallows.

"Right. I don't usually even get hangovers. I know I need to take it easy."

But her father... "Mm, you have a point. I can have an eye to the next objective, but I don't have the intel to plan. ...But God, it's hard not to think about. I can't get it out of my mind." It's tough when it's her dad, Josie says, and Lily nods. "...I guess it is."

It's a mess. Lily doesn't answer. About... Lily doesn't explain.

The contact doesn't make her recoil, though she looks to Josie for a moment at it, inclines her head. "As long as I move forward. Yes. You're right. ...Don't make a big deal of being right..."

"He is. Leon's always been tough. But it's hard not to worry about him. You worry about people you love. That's... normal." Lily turns her hand and then clses them.

"Talking... I'm terrible at talking, Josie. I can't even do it as well as I used to. But... I see your point. This isn't easy for him, either. I know, I..."

Her shoulders sag. "Josie, I..." Quietly, "It just aches. It's hard to breathe when I stop and think about it." 

<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.

A long moment of silence passes from Josie's corner.

"...They were soldiers, right?" she says finally. "I'm not a soldier, so I can't say I know what it's like. But I've know a few folks who were. I don't think any of them didn't have someone they'd lost in a fight, or had to leave behind." She shrugs, faintly. "For all that about 'everyone comes back', a lot of people don't. I'm sure they knew there was a chance they weren't coming home." Lopsidedly, bitterly, she smiles. "Knowing what I know about soldiers, I'm sure they're just happy someone made it out. As long as you're alive, they live on. Heh... seems a little cliche, I guess, but I don't care. That's the thing about history, personal or otherwise. The survivors tell the story."

And she turns towards Lily, planting a hand on her hip. "So, survive, for their sake. Figure out what happened. And make it right. There'll always be another day to start digging graves. ...Got it?"

She makes a pleased-sounding 'hmph' when Lily says she'll take it easy, then nods.

"...That's just because you're not doing anything right now," Josie says, tilting her head to one side as she regards Lily again. "Idle hands, idle mind, or something like that. You've got too much room to think too much. Trust me. Once you get going, you'll be fine..." says the woman who tends to not look back too often even to start.

"Hell, I've been standing too idle myself. But soon, I think, it'll be time to make my run for freedom." She pauses. "So to speak."

That, or get shot out in the desert.

"Yeah. It's normal," is Josie's agreement with that statement, her gaze tilting off towards the horizon. "And I know. But even if you just went into his room and sat there, I think he'd get you. I mean, he hasn't run off yet, right?" she adds, breaking up an otherwise serious statement with a far sillier one.

Her hand lingers again on the railing.

Only to slide off, reach over, and hover near to Lily's shoulder. Waiting, perhaps, for some suggestion of permission this time.

"...Kiddo... you think too damn much," she says, not without a hint of affection.

Or a tinge of regret.

"Thoughts are just good-for-nothing anyway..." she murmurs, returning her gaze to the wastelands. 

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

Lily is often silent. This time even her breathing is quiet, even, reflexive.

"Mm." She listens to Josie. "I've lost soldiers before. In my line of work... That's inevitable. But I hate leaving their bodies. At least as the victims of betrayal they'll have proper graves. That's the story they put out, after all." She looks up to the sky, "...We all knew there was that chance. Maybe they are happy we made it out, but... I can't be happy about anything about that day."

She looks at Josie. "Right. For their sake. I won't stop until they can rest."

Josie's theory works anyway. Once she gets going... "Maybe. Maybe I just needed some time. I don't know." She considers Josie standing idle, and nods. "Yes. Soon, probably. Waiting here forever... Isn't something either of us can do."

Normal. Lily often speaks of herself as abnormal, but in this, she doesn't feel so bizarre. "he..." The sillier statement brings a little nod with losed eyes, "No, he hasn't. He never minded my being quiet. Even when I got better at talking to people, I remembered that."

When Josie seems to ask permission, Lily considers it, and then nods at her, allowing the movement.

"...I know," she agrees about thinking too hard. Lily looks out over the deck, quiet. "I know. But thoughts are most of what I had. When you're apart from people the way I am... You think, and think. And it does me a lot of good. But it's also..."

"It's also why I drink so damn much. Quiet those voices, those images, those memories. Just for a while." 

<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.

"...To be honest, if you were happy about it, I'd have to worry about you, kiddo," Josie comments, cracking a brief semi-smile. "Anyway, you don't have to be happy about it. You don't have to be anything about it. Just don't forget, but don't look back so long you forget to move forward either."

It's pretty easy to get yourself wrapped up in the past.

Nodding encouragingly as Lily agrees that things should get better once things get moving, Josie gestures outwards, as if to indicate some future just waiting ahead. "See what I mean?" One pale eyebrow lifts. "...Guess that means you're coming with us, huh? Well, you might be the solution I need, so I won't say no. ...Did you tell Leon?"

She's not normally this considerate about others. But she'll make an exception here.

And here, as she rests a hand on Lily's shoulder.

"...And where's all that thinking get you? ...Don't worry too much about it. You wouldn't be you if you didn't overthink everything, Lily," Josie comments with a shrug and a sigh. Her hand pats Lily's shoulder once then departs.

"A little bit of drinking ain't too bad... especially when the memories are bad. Just remember what I said."

She grins. "You don't want to turn into another me, right~?" 

<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.

"These are things I should know," Lily answers, frustrated. "I've told people thinks like this. But it doesn't feel the same." Don't forget. "Move forward... Forward... I'm so used to having a path ahead of me. This is different."

It's very easy to get wrapped up in the past.

But Lily isn't all bad; she's clearly tired, but that's not that strange. She considers. "I may have something I have to do... But I intend to go with you and help. I want to keep you alive." A pause, "I told Leon." She says othing else about that.

It's nice that osie asked.

Here, Lily accepts what reassurance there is. She gets frustrated again... But Josie comments and sighs, and Lily nods quietly. "I suppose I wouldn't. I've done it since I was a litle girl. Thinking, and thinking... When I stop thinking, it gets messy. I had to learn to hold back some things."

What Josie said... Lily rolls her eyes, "God forbid. Who would stop us from doing ridiculous things that way?"

A beat. "...But, thank you," she says, with only a hint of awkwardness. "Really." 

<Pose Tracker> Josephine Lovelace has posed.

"Well, you know how it is... it's easier to give advice than take it," Josie comments, glancing up towards the sky. "Same's true for me, honestly." She shrugs, as if to shake it off.

Overhead, Penelope stares down at the two women broodily, then very carefully and deliberately begins to groom, nibbling at her feathers.

One single short white feather dances through the air, moments later.

"...Keep me alive? I'm not sure if I should be insulted or not, kiddo." Any sour expression she bears flees moments later, though. Josie grins. "Well, I'll take it. And even if I didn't, I bet you'd just come racing up behind me, huh?"

Probably better for her than sitting behind and thinking so damn much.

"See, you're catching on already! While I'm lovely, I think having two of me around would just be overkill~"

She grins.

Only to blink, glance at Lily, then shake her head and shrug.

"Well, sure. I'm only just doing my best here with you, you know?" But when she smiles next, it's a little more honestly. "You're welcome, kiddo."

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