2017-09-09: The Heart of Battle
- Log: The Heart of Battle
- Cast: Riesenlied, Ida Everstead-Rey
- Where: Hotel Renais
- Date: 9th September 2017
- Summary: Riesenlied visits Ida at her hotel room, but the discussion does not go as planned...
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Ida returned to civilization late last night, exhausted and filthy. She'd gotten as clean as she could before coming back to the hotel, but she was still a bloody mess--most of it the blood of Wels, admittedly, but no one wants to see that when they're going to check in. She snuck in through a side entrance, locked herself in her room, and separated the salvagable clothing from the unsalvagable. The latter went out in the trash, with a polite explanation note pinned to it so the cleaning staff didn't assume she'd murdered anyone. She took a long, hot bath, and then collapsed into bed. With the sole exception of heading over to the Guild to pin up a message, she hasn't left the hotel.
It's evening. Ida just got back from dinner. She sits at the little table in front of the window--the curtains are drawn, but a fresh night breeze creeps into the room, since the window is open just a crack. Ida is wearing what to her is mildly scandalous sleepwear--a knee-length white nightgown with no sleeves--and appears engrossed in a book. It's a manual on Gear maintainence she borrowed from a local ARMs Meister, and it is /old/. She's not expecting visitors.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied has been spending some time with Noeline in November City as well, albeit in the guise of 'Nazgul al-Rashid', the rookie Drifter from a faraway tribe. It largely amounts to having shorter shoulder-length hair that's deep brown instead of blonde, to go with her usual tribalwear of the Ellurian type as she always has. Hey, no one said she was ever good at disguises.
She does, however, knock gently at the door, having acquired the room number from the concierge before. She still isn't used to the niceties of November City.
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Ida closes the book, and turns to the door. She isn't sure if she can muster up her usual public face after everything that's happend, but she resolves to try anyway. She pulls on the dressing gown draped over the back of her chair, rises, and peers through the little peephole.
The horns are a dead giveaway, and so is the dress, and so is the shape of the face. Ida takes a breath, undoes the deadbolt, and smiles. "Miss Nazgul, do come in," she says. She doesn't feel it, precisely. She glances down the hall, practically /waiting/ for someone to pop out and notice her welcoming a strange woman into her hotel room.
Once 'Nazgul' is inside, Ida locks the door again, and runs her fingers through her hair. It's in its usual bun, but messy, as though Ida couldn't spend too much effort getting it done right. "So, Riesenlied," Ida says, easing herself down into her chair. She seems frayed. She's smiling, still, but it looks fake, which is a rarity. "What brings you here today?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Compared to earlier, Riesenlied does look a little wan as she steps in; she's gained a few scales at the sides of her face at some point, which trails down to her neck, and the same has happened to her hands. Encroaching, yet not covering them entirely.
"You look exhausted, Miss Ida..." she expresses gently, as she places a hand to her chest. "Is everything okay?"
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Yes, Ida wants to say, everything is fine. Everything is fine and well and you don't have to mother-hen at her at all, please.
"No," Ida says. She looks at Riesenlied's face, openly studying it for a moment before glancing down at the cover of the book. On the Operation and Maintainence of Gears, Royal Aveh Army. She places a hand atop it. "Three villages, wiped clean of all other life by the Reapers," Ida says. It's a very pressing problem, and certainly a horrifying problem on multiple levels. But is it the only problem, or even the problem at the front of her mind? Ida got a decent night's sleep, but she still feels fatigued--like she didn't /rest/. She dreamed that she was giving a presentation at the Ancient Culture Exhibition, but forgot everything, and then Zed burst out of nowhere and called her a coward, and the crowd started whispering about her.
"I--I don't know where they came from, or why they're here, but innocent people are dead. I--" Her breath hitches in her throat. "What brings you here?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied swallows gently as she laces her hands together, peering towards the book for a moment. It reminds her of when she studied from a Gear maintenance manual herself, but gave it to Matilda. It was a Garlyle tome that she had, however.
"I heard of the problem, and... I wish to help," she expresses gently. She doesn't say that she looked at the problem due to a certain blonde spaceman's poorly worded flier. "These villages are close to Wayside, after all, and even if not, I can't just sit still and do nothing."
She lowers her head. "The dead should be allowed to rest." How priestly of her.
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
"Yes," Ida says. "Of course you do." She tries to keep her voice level and even, and fails. She even tightens up a little in the shoulders, so she looks as defensive as she sounds. "Surely--I mean, you surely have enough to worry about, protecting Wayside and seeing to its success. Surely you wouldn't want to get your hands dirty, as I do." She spent so long cleaning blood and gore out from under her fingernails, and out of her hair. Every time she thought she was clean, she found more.
Every time she thought she was clean--
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied is a little taken aback as Ida gets on the defensive, looking just a bit surprised. "... M-Miss Ida?" She tilts her head and places a hand to her heart, just a little bit closer, brushing the finger of her thumb against the gem which shimmers with a colour closer to green.
"... is something... is something the matter?" She knows this isn't a case of the Wels or the problem at hand.
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Something glimmers, visibly, at Riesenlied's neckline. It catches Ida's eye, and as she watches, the Demon reaches up to touch it--and it changes color for some reason. Ida takes her lip between her teeth, remembering the last time something like this happened. She sinks back in her chair.
"Everything is the matter." It sounds more defeated than petulent. There's still a spark there, but it's not a healthy one.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied's gem does seem to shift in colour, though the peculiars as to why isn't particularly known. "Please, if I can just help you a little..." Riesenlied begins, sounding-- rather concerned and sorrowful, in part because she knows that she may not be able to.
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Ida clenches her fists. Riesenlied's only ever seen her do that when she's tense, frustrated or angry enough to drop the facade--sometimes for dramatic emphasis, but then, it's planned. Here, she's clearly angry. "Of course you do. You're always helping everyone. You'd never do a thing to hurt anyone else unless your hand was forced. You'd never, ever get angry--" And look at you. Attacking a woman who has been some kind of wrought-metal saint despite being stuck in a role where she's distrusted and villified. Ida closes her eyes, and forces her clenched hands to her sides again. She looks like she's about to start shaking.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied flinches just for a moment as she steps back, biting her lip as she lowers her head. "... Miss Ida, what... where did this come from? I..." she flinches just for a moment, as the emotion starts to cloud her mind once more. It wasn't anywhere near as overwhelming and powerful as the hatred and despair in Jack's heart, but... it is there. Something.
"I'm not here to-- to take glory away from you, or anything like that. I'm not lying..." she tries, but she's certain she doesn't have the right grasp on the situation.
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
"I don't /know/!" Ida says, looking back up at Riesenlied. She remembers saying the same exact thing to K.K. when the Trial Knight visited her. She shrinks back, looking less angry and more terrible in general. "I don't know. Everything is just--" She feels overwhelmed, to say the least. Words are failing her.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied swallows faintly, before breathing just a bit more gently as she looks towards Ida and lets the air settle just a little. Her wings flutter just a little as she murmurs, "... you are doing your best against this threat of the Wels, Miss Ida. Is that not noble on its own merit? You've rescued a king, you've bravely stood up against Lord Siegfried and Lady Harken both..."
She suckles a breath, gently.
She closes her eyes and emanates soft, warm photons that start to cascade ever so gently through the area. She doesn't overdo it -- she's not trying to reach into Ida's mind or anything; just try to soothe and calm her down.
"I respect you for all that you've done, Miss Ida..."
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
There's that glow again. It dials back a few of the meters in Ida's brain, takes the edge off. She feels like she should be resentful, or appreciative, or both, but she's not sure why. "I don't know why you do," she says. She's still crying, though she's not sure when it started. "K.K. was right. I've done all of this because I'm a foolish child who--" She lets out a noise halfway between a hiccup and a sob. "--who hates everything that's been placed upon her. Everyone will suffer because of me--they'll make sure of it. And even if they don't, I'll--I'll slip like this, and kill someone, and--" Ida is not pushing back against the light, precisely, but the anger inside her is still fighting to come out.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied blinks very softly, as she-- holds onto Ida's hand and slowly lowers her so that they can sit on something comfortable, the bed, likely. Her hands are just slightly more deformed than before, starting to gain the shape of a claw where her nails once were. She blinks just a bit more intently, as she says, "We do not... we do not all do this because we desire it, Miss Ida."
She swallows, and clings onto Ida's hand a little tighter. "My decisions have killed people... and they still will. Not everything that I do is as pure and noble as it may seem." She bites at her lip.
"But this isn't about me..."
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Ida is too distraught to notice the changes in Riesenlied's body. She grips the offered hand tightly. "You could run," Ida says. "Take Noeline and go somewhere no one would find you--no one would suspect what you are. You could live the rest of your lives in peace, but you're still here, because you /believe/ in what you're doing. You do it even though Siegfried could run you through for treason and be justified. I'm only here because everyone else is. Because Kalve would never come with me if I ran, because he believes in things."
"If you want to know who I really am, remember the woman who cowered when the Black Ties were burning a town, and only fought back when one of them attacked her."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"I've done this for longer than you, Ida," Riesenlied speaks to her directly now, as she takes her time in what she speaks. "I was not always so certain of myself."
She breathes in deeper to say, "I was once a confused and distraught young woman who wanted to make a change, and led my brethren straight into an Arctican blizzard and killed dozens of them. I once /ran/ from the responsibility of who I was, what I was born as..."
She lowers her head. "You mustn't rush things, Miss Ida. You've already done so well, for how young you are."
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Ida remembers the last time this happened. Riesenlied took it upon herself to show Ida the innermost chamber of her thoughts. Since then, Ida's done more soul-searching, but she has no idea if she's found anything meaningful yet. Mostly she's been remembering what K.K. said that night in Lacour, while she was still recovering from Harken. What Siegfried said to her on the battlefield. A tear trickles down her face, and drips from her chin. Riesenlied is pouring her heart out, but it only makes her feel even worse. "If I do not find purpose, a million people will die, if not more. They were very clear. Perhaps the only other thing that will stop them is my death."
"And I have this anger in me," Ida continues, "that--that scares me. I know it's not proper or right to express, but it feels as though the only time I'm... /driven/ is when I'm fearful or enraged."
"I almost wish I'd been born as one of you. Then my struggle with it would have meaning, instead of being pitiful."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied is patient, if nothing else. Change, especially to oneself, will not come overnight, but... it's important to be there, to give support, and to not be frustrated or lash out. "Why... will people die?" she asks, gently. "What are you responsible for?"
She doesn't quite know if she can tell. Was it an inheritance, or...? She knew of the stories back in Guild Galad, but she does not know Ida's family situation too well.
She is quietly silent as Ida expresses her feelings of anger, and thinks of herself as well. She's... found it difficult to feel anger, true anger -- many people have told her it's a weakness, that she instead succumbs to fear and cowardice, preferring to surround herself in support and the comfort of others.
"Anger is not necessarily destructive, Miss Ida. We all feel anger, in differing amounts... but we must be mindful of it. What is it that you find that drives you in that anger?"
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
"They will die because K.K. will kill them," Ida says. She seems to focus up a little--and she sounds deadly serious when she says the words. "Because I provoked them. Because I can't stop them, just--just like I was too much of a coward to pull the trigger and kill Siegfried." As if it would be that easy. As if you could kill him. As if you were anything more than a nuisance. "But when I was fighting him face-to-face, I felt terrified, but also at peace, in a way. It was just him and me and the battlefield and everyone nearby, and those little hints he kept dropping. No propriety. No lies. Just the drive to /not fall/, and to /strike back/. To not have to worry about anything else."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied quietly pauses at that, as it saddens her that someone who has been so assistive and helpful to her could be so aggressive and menacing to others... she does wonder if she'll be able to bridge that gap that she and the Trial Knight have, as they have so told her -- that they'll be enemies one day.
"... I've never... been able to understand that solace," she admits. "Many of my brethren talk about the heart of battle, the clarity of mind and purpose that being in battle brings. ... in their eyes, many of them, I am a failure for not being able to achieve... that kind of state."
She lulls her head one way. "But to find purpose and oneness in battle... does not make you a bad person, does it? Many of those with me feel the same, and that need not be incompatible with their beliefs."
She smiles just a little warmly as she expresses, "I think it's a passion. Like when you're very much into your work, that time passes by without you knowing it. Would Kalve be able to train you more? Is that something you'd like to do, Miss Ida?"
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Ida sees that little smile. She processes that comparison--a comparison she knew that Riesenlied would make. "What kind of person delights in such base violence?" she says. She draws a little more into herself, as if shrinking back. "What kind of human feels that way? It's not right..." She flinches, a little, when Kalve comes up. "I--I don't know what he could teach me, if anything. I can't do what he does, and I--I wouldn't want to trouble him when the last thing he wants is more violence."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... even if I abhor senseless violence ..." Riesenlied admits quietly. "I would not deny or discourage anyone from a pursuit of self-improvement, of discipline and refinement. Wayside still has a space for people to learn self-defense and to improve their arts..."
In this way, maybe she still is linked to her heritage.
"Kalve is a martial artist, and I know him as such. The Mercury Method that has strived to perfect over the many years I've known him is a passion of his... and I am sure he would be happy to let you come along on that journey, together."
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Ida isn't sure what to feel about this. On one hand, Riesenlied has done a very thorough job of explaining that she doesn't have all the answers--that she's made mistakes, and that people have suffered and even died because of her decisions. That she doesn't look down on those who choose to fight. It should make her feel better. Instead, it feels like sunshine filtering through thick fog. All that gets through is a haze, bright but not at all like what it should be. "You are the person I desperately want to be," Ida says. Her voice is tiny. "But I don't know if I can." There's another little hitch of breath, and she looks away.
"I mean--I'm human. I can't change like he can."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied has a sad smile for Ida, as she breathes very quietly to say, "... I... appreciate that, Miss Ida. It warms me to hear. And-- you have qualities I admire and would like to have too." She tilts her head warmly, leaving it at that. Her bravery and boldness is something she'd like more of, after all.
"And even if you can't learn the Mercury Method... I know the martial art to be one of reflection and learning. What you can't learn from him... he can learn from you, and in turn, you may develop something of your own too."
She gestures to say, "That bright, glowing fist that you struck Lord Siegfried with... that was a remarkable sight to see."
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Ida shrinks back, just a little, but she looks right at Riesenlied regardless. "You're sincere?" It seems like a ridiculous thing to ask--Riesenlied is an awful liar--but that same fog seems to cloud her certainty in these matters. Thinking of Kalve only complicates matters. It feels like things were different when he was there. "I wasn't even thinking," Ida says. "I just--did. It was reckless."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied nods in turn and expresses, "I am certain. Your openness was a strength that shaped how I became here in Ignas, after all." But there is a soft look of confusion as she asks, "Reckless...? Did something happen with Mister Kalve?"
<Pose Tracker> Ida Everstead-Rey has posed.
Ida's eyes widen. "N--not that," she says, a little too defensively. There is definitely /something/ there. Noeline was spreading rumors, wasn't she? "I meant when I struck Siegfried."