2017-10-03: The Weight of the Guilty
- Log: The Weight of the Guilty
- Cast: Riesenlied, Noeline
- Where: Wayside
- Date: 3rd October 2017
- Summary: Riesenlied awakens at Noeline's side after her ordeal with Id...
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied has been unconscious for the last eight hours.
Even after Id left, it didn't seem like she would particularly stir and rise to wakefulness -- she's been perfectly still, breathing and stable, but not particularly inclined to snap out of whatever it is that has rendered her so inert, after their trip through the mindscape.
But as the sun turns, and the day rises once more...
Her eyes flutter open, ever so slowly. "Noeline...?" is the first hoarse, choked request out of her dry throat.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Ultimately, Noeline is content to wait. Wayside can look after itself for one day, at least, despite Filgaia's attempts to prove otherwise - and so the spy decides to make a proper evening of it, pausing only to give Cetiri a very rough idea of Riesenlied's current state before quite literally curling up with a decent book and Riesenlied cradled in her lap.
By the time morning comes, she still hasn't slept, but has at least demolished some of a backlog of literature she picked up in November City; she winces a little as she rocks her shoulders, then pauses at the stirring of the other woman in her lap.
"... good morning," she notes with a quiet sort of smile, preferring to be open for once. Joking around isn't a good idea, not with Riesenlied likely to be in a rather fragile state, and she's got a couple of promises to fulfill. First and foremost: "There is water, if you need it."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... I--" Riesenlied as she-- her eyes glaze over a few more times, like she isn't quite aware or in tune with what to feel about the world quite yet. "... that would be good."
She closes her eyes again. "... I dreamt of... did I dream? I can't remember... what happened?"
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline doesn't coax Riesenlied up, preferring to remain in contact with the other woman even as she reaches across - she'd expected something like this when Riesenlied awoke, and has a small pitcher and a lovably battered cup ready to go, handing it to her carefully.
"... it was a rather eventful day," she chuckles softly, then shakes her head as she turns more sombre. "What do you last remember, exactly? I will fill in the gaps from there."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied shifts and gasps quietly, taking the cup and sipping water from it. "... we-- we..." A hesitant pause, as she murmurs, "Where-- where is he? Where is Id? Is Wayside all right?"
She trembles gently, arms suddenly coming up to drape around herself -- this is a bit painful, with how one of her arms is persistently clawed and gauntleted.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline catches that hand before it can accidentally claw at Riesenlied's shoulder; if she's perturbed by its size, she certainly doesn't show it, giving it her typical squeeze regardless of shape, not honestly sure if there's tactile sensation there. It's Riesenlied's scales, after all.
"... it's alright. Wayside is unharmed; Id mentioned that since you'd kept your promise, he would keep his. He also said to thank you for doing so, as he left. He seemed-- rather concerned about you, on the whole," she adds with another smile, this time rather wry.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied gasps and wriggles against Noeline's hand instinctively, but settles once she realises what's going on. The way she responds to her grasp, however, and squeezes back gently seems to indicate that there is.
"Id... I kept my promise..." she murmurs after a moment, before the trembling sensation comes back. She sucks in a breath, and narrows her eyes. "You saw... what I did."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
If nothing else, Noeline seems quietly insistent on not letting Riese run or hide; her grip on the other woman is careful but also firm as she slowly draws a breath in and out. "... I saw... a panicked, frightened memory," she corrects, picking her words carefully. "I saw the aftermath, not the deed - devoid of context or history. But I saw it."
She's had a night to turn Id's words over in her head, after all - not to mention think long and hard of what she knows of Riese, what Riese has told her about her past, and how to reconcile the three sources together. She may not be terribly aware of how to interpret a mental dive, but she can at least make a relatively educated guess.
She lets her words hang in the air for a moment, then leans forward slowly to gaze down at the other woman with a quiet sort of sigh and then a fond smile. "... and I think no less of you for it, nor will I judge you for it. ... thank you... for showing me," she states instead as she leans far down to touch foreheads with Riese.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied cups her hands to her face and gasps, trembling, begging, "Don't see it... don't look at it... no, I don't want to... I'm-- I killed her. I'm sure of it." Her voice is laced with such shame and horror, as she shakes her head and tucks her head into herself and lets out a low, horrified little wail.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
The spy sucks in a breath - and pushes forward regardless, her arms going around the ball of Riesenlied to gather and draw the other demon towards her. "... even then-- even if that is the case, I will accept that. It does not change the force for good that you have been - for the Tainted, for humans in need of aid and advice, for the people of Wayside."
"It does not change who you are - rather, it is something you evidently learned from, and grew away from," she adds, her voice low and insistent before she tries to sneak a look at Riesenlied's face. "... I am here, and I am not going to go away or leave you on your own. I made that promise, did I not?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied's throat is dry with a lump as she swallows, shaking her head and-- withers away from Noeline's look. The reassurances that the spy is saying to her... well, she must listen to them on some level, rationally, but it seems so scant and painful right now. "... please... don't leave me," is her quiet and somewhat defeated-sounding request.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Closing her eyes, Noeline just tugs Riesenlied's head to her shoulder, her hand buried in light blonde hair and her other hand around the stricken demon's waist. "... really... I have come this far with you, have I not? ... rest a while longer," she requests gently. "I'm not going anywhere."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied shakes her head and-- swallows, her face looking stricken with grief as she wipes her hand to one side. "I don't care how long you've been here, I need to say it," she says in an almost petulant fashion. She sniffles again, gasping. "I need that assurance..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
The chuckle is not negatively meant; it's fond as she leans in, placing a gentle kiss at Riesenlied's forehead. "I just /did/ say it," she shoots back, if only to foster that rare petulance in the hopes of seeing a little more of it - but her grip on Riesenlied is still tight, as she keeps the other woman close. "... I meant what I said. My past is not spotless - nor do I expect yours to be. Even if I don't know what exactly transpired in that village, I will accept what I saw in your mind. Nor do I want you to keep some secret locked up inside of you, out of fear I won't accept it."
That was what the Demon of Elru had said of himself, as well - that he was the chained and barred figure of someone else's mental landscape, comparing himself to the chieftain girl from Riesenlied's memory. Or rather, the part of Riese that remembered her.
"... it doesn't change who you are now, or what you've done. That, I fervently believe. Or are you going to tell me that the concept of forgiveness counts for everyone /except/ you?" she wonders impishly.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"I still don't particularly understand..." Riesenlied admits, shaking her head as she lowers her head, her eyes narrowing as her irises start to focus. She feels the other Metal Demon's grip upon her, feeling a measure of comfort in how close, how possessive that hold of hers is. "But I remember holding the knife. Having her blood on my hands."
A pause, and she swallows deeply, reluctantly murmuring, "It does not... but it is still a shock to experience." She looks towards the ceiling for a moment. She exhales. "But in a way, I feel like... some weight has removed itself from me, even if I don't feel better."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"Perhaps it is something we'll learn one day," Noeline quietly decides, not wanting to rock the boat nor go on-- whatever version of a 'witch hunt' that would be. Instead, she hums gently, and offers another kiss at the other demon's forehead. "But if we do, it will be together. I will not leave you - I intend to keep that promise," she reiterates, her voice held far too steady for it to be a lie. "How /could/ I? If it were not for you, absolutely none of what we've built would have been possible."
"... catharsis, I suppose?" she ventures. "Id talked a great deal about the concept of 'accepting' or 'rejecting' - and that doing the latter would make things worse, on the whole. Near the end, he sounded quite desperate for me to step in and aid you in accepting it, as if-- something would be terribly broken otherwise."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied stares almost-- flatly for a moment, not certain how to react to that. It's a long while, after she feels the lingering sensation of the kiss leave, that she says, "I accepted a part of myself... is that what he was talking about? I was not aware of what I had shied away from..."
A pause. She bites her lip. "No matter how punishing it may have been."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"I get the impression he dislikes those who do not face the whole truth, whether they know it or not," Noeline wonders aloud after a moment, tilting her head slightly. "He attempted to needle me about Arctica - and when I rather bluntly took responsibility for my failures there, he almost seemed to turn-- concilatory. Of a very obnoxious kind, I suppose," she admits with a faint laugh, before shaking her head as she turns more sombre.
"You realize-- this means that you have successfully connected with the Demon of Elru once more? Peacefully, even? This might even rank above talking to the Guardians," she adds with a shake of her head. "The lengths you have gone to for Wayside and peace - those are not something I am going to discard because of a punishing revelation about your past."
"And... thank you-- for showing me. I realize it may have been almost forced, but... I am still honoured part of you would accept me that far," she mutters, mumbling it slightly. "I-- can only respond in kind. ... rather, I would like to."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied is silent for a while longer, before she mumbles gently, "... truth is important to face," almost sounding deeply sleepy. "I've... I've always espoused that. To be honest. To not deceive or lie. But... I was keeping things from myself all of this time."
She shivers just for a moment, as she finally seems to register the coolness of the Filgaian morning as she drapes that shawl closer around herself. "Nasrin...." A pause. "Um-- what do you mean?"
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"... you shouldn't blame yourself for that," Noeline points out, tensing - before lifting Riesenlied, shawl and all, in her arms in the archetypal princess carry. At least it isn't far to the bed they share, Noeline carefully setting the other woman down, but staying leant over her to meet her gaze. "It was clearly a traumatic memory - clearly one that, even now, you do not remember fully. ... I doubt very much that such lengths would have been necessary had you the option to simply call it back to memory, after all."
"... I've seen the pride you take in your days amongst the Fereshte. You wouldn't honour them, even now, if that pride were fake," she points out as she circles the bed to simply launch herself onto it with a hop and draw up against Riesenlied's back, somewhat at odds with her solemn tone. "I've seen the affection you held for Nasrin, as well. So-- it's hard not to wonder what the full story was. Perhaps that's a sign of my faith in you, as well," she admits, this time a little bashful as she buries her head in against Riesenlied's shoulder.
The warm and slightly hesitant tone continues, and Riese doesn't need to see her face to imagine the pout. "I-- I am saying that I will show you my mind. Should you wish. How could I do anything else, after that?" she grumbles.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied lets out a rather shocked and surprised yelp, as she turns herself inwards to better be carried with a quiet grumble, leaning in as they readjust on the bed with a deep sigh. "I didn't know. I genuinely didn't know I buried something so deep within myself... it makes me doubt. Is that all of the fragments? Is there more?"
She shivers. "I'm almost afraid to know."
There's a tired, no, exhausted-sounding sigh. "I--ah..." She hesitates, then nods aquiescingly, saying, "We did agree that much. Though-- um, perhaps not now... I feel severely drained from all that, and knowing that Wayside is safe... well, somehow I feel even more tired knowing what we've survived."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Hesitating, Noeline draws an arm around the other woman, nestling against her with a relieved sigh. "Even if there are more - and I find that hard to believe, after seeing so far into you - we will still face them together. And I will still be with you, as will Wayside and the Tainted," she promises quietly. "... you have gone to lengths that no-one could ever have predicted. You have reconciled with the Guardians, and the Demon of Elru. ... to be honest, I'm more afraid of what we'll manage to achieve /next/," she half chuckles, half grumbles.
"Of course. Just-- bear it in mind," she notes, before breaking into a rather lavish yawn herself. "Mmmn... really, you already slept one night away, keeping me up and awake."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied is silent, not quite as confident in herself as Noeline seems to be. But if there's one thing she likes about the spy -- amongst the myriad -- it would be how cocksure and unshakeable her trust in her can be. "It... is a start, isn't it?" Always downplaying it, just like that. Her horns almost seem to wilt as she curls to one side of Noeline to say, "Then... why don't we sleep the rest of the day away...?"
Some orphans may have something else to say to that...
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline is well aware of that - but, at the same time, willing to welcome it if it'll give Riesenlied a chance to rest prior to the bombardment of worried munchkins. "... that would be best. You need rest - you have been spreading yourself thin for weeks, and the events of yesterday cannot have helped matters. If nothing else - accept the fact you feel somewhat refreshed, and use it to feel more so. I will be here to watch over you," she promises.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied nods slowly, as she expresses, "Then, I'll trouble you just for a little while longer..." Her eyes close, and... really, the remarkable speed in which she seems to lapse into light sleep with her mouth slightly open is both adorable and yet impressive both at the same time. The sleep that she's been entranced into, however, seems just that much more peaceful at this point in time, rather than the fitful unconsciousness in which she was lapsed within.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
... despite her yawn, Noeline stays awake a little longer - at least until she's absolutely sure to her satisfaction that Riesenlied is properly asleep in a manner that is actually restful. "... honestly..." she mutters again, more a sign of affection than anything else at this point, and lays her head down in turn.