2018-01-28: Something That Can't Be Expressed
- Log: Something That Can't Be Expressed
- Cast: Avril Vent Fleur, Dean Stark
- Where: Little Twister - Dusty Lane
- Date: January 28th 2018
- Summary: Rain in the wastes is hardly gentle, and those at the orphanage are spending the day indoors. Avril takes a look at what lies beneath. Dean slows down.
<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.
Even in the wastes, it can rain.
And rain it does -- a deluge, water pouring from the eaves in an endless stream. To hear the locals tell it, such a rainfall doesn't last long, and with the earth here this dry and cracked, won't soak deep. At best it will wash away the thin soil, at worst there may be landslides up in the hills. Down in the canyons, it's too dangerous to even dare to venture: they must be flooding, the current sure to sweep anyone away.
Perched on a windowframe, Avril watches the water pour from the heavens in silence, the chatter of the children in the orphanage mere background noise to wherever she's traveled mentally.
(They're upset because they can't go and play outside. It can't be helped in this weather -- they'll just get soaked and muddy, which no one wants to deal with.)
What Elder Halle had said...
...And what Riesenlied had said.
And Matilda.
<Pose Tracker> Dean Stark has posed.
Dean's always been one to prefer to go outside and do things--it's not as thought there was ever a lot to do in his hut, especially with no parents save functionally the entire village--so this kind of rain vexes him as much as it does the children, even if he has wounds to heal. Riesenlied's and Gwen's magic pulled him out of immediate, life-threatening danger, but head injuries are no joke, even for someone as thick-skulled as he is.
He lies on his bed, arms folded under his pillow, and stares at the ceiling as the cacophonous rain patters down mercilessly on the roof. There were a few leaks in the orphanage; he'd offered to fix them, and had been in the middle of doing exactly that when Rebecca had caught him, chewed him out for doing something dangerous when he's still recovering, and basically taken his chore from him. Dean's left with the sense that he did something wrong, though he's not sure if it's trying to help when he's hurt, or getting Rebecca to do something for him, or something else entirely. And, of course, there's not much better things to dwell on instead.
He breathes out a long sigh. One of Dean's best points is that bad feelings don't keep him down for long, but 'for long' doesn't mean 'at all,' and there's been a lot of unhappy things going on lately. "Avril?" he calls over the background noise of rain and voices, tilting his head towards where Avril watches the rain from. "What're you thinking about?"
<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.
And even beyond all that, there was the matter of her quest. Whoever she had been before losing her memories.
That look on Kaguya's face.
And the statues. The fate of the world. The Guardians...
The Guardians, rejecting the Veruni? Why was that? Because of what they had done to humans? ...Or to the planet? Something wasn't connecting. If she could only--
"What're you thinking about?"
"Ah?" She starts slightly, as if jarred from her thoughts. "Oh... Dean. Are you feeling any better? Rebecca had been worried..."
Her gaze darts upwards, at the ceiling that isn't leaking. "...I had no idea how good she was at fixing a roof. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help with it."
She smiles faintly, though, in spite of her shortcomings in this affair. It doesn't last long; it melts away. "...I was thinking about what Riesenlied and Elder Halle had said. About the Veruni, the Guardians, and the secret Riesenlied had learned..."
<Pose Tracker> Dean Stark has posed.
"Oh, sorry--did I distract you or something?" Dean asks, rolling his head towards her, because Avril sounds startled. She actually *does* startle, at that. "Yeah, I'm feeling okay. I was feeling okay earlier too, but Rebecca just wouldn't believe me." He gives her a rueful smile. "I guess I *do* get reckless sometimes, though." 'Sometimes,' he says. "Y'know, I told Riese not to push herself, but it didn't make a lick of difference; she just kept pushing herself 'til she nearly died. I wonder if maybe that's how I look to Rebecca, sometimes..."
A perhaps surprising display of self-awareness. Still, Dean's got nothing to do but think right now. Dense as he is, even he'll arrive at an insight or a right answer sooner or later. "It's okay! You don't have to apologize, Avril. Rebecca's just as stubborn as me, sometimes. We'll just make up for it with a different chore later."
About the Veruni, the Guardians, and the secret Riesenlied had learned. Dean nods slowly, blue eyes unfocusing for a moment. All of that... it'd been a lot to take in. Even now, he's not sure he understands it all. He does remember the way Kaguya had looked at Avril, though, the way she'd turned frigid and fierce after he'd been so gravely injured, like that time with Janus down in the Den of Miasma... He shivers a little at the memory.
"Yeah. It's been confusing me a lot, too," he says. "I'd heard rumors about people who said they were from the moon, but... it's actually *true*? And the Guardians've been hiding it so people wouldn't figure it out? And the Veruni are their ancient enemies?? It's..." He shakes his head. "It's a lot to take in. I know we haven't had good experiences with the Veruni before, but... why would the Guardians say that...?"
Though even as he says it, he kind of understands. Elder Halle had talked about humans, entire families, dying in Veruni mines, chained together and unable to escape. Had talked about it like that kind of thing was commonplace. Even Dean wouldn't be quick to think of people like that as his friends, either. Matilda had raised the point that the Veruni were hardly the sole purveyor of oppression, death, and destruction, but... then several others, like Catenna and Asteroid, had pointed out that they knew that well, that humans had oppressed *them* and *their* kind in turn... Dean rubs his forehead, looking back towards the ceiling. Why did he never know about any of this stuff until now?
<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.
Avril pauses for a moment, as if to consider his words. Then: "I suppose so, but I wouldn't think of it that way." She shakes her head, as if to negate the question altogether. "'I was lost in thought, and you helped to bring me home again,' perhaps?" She tilts her head as if considering this. "Hmm, yes, that seems correct. There is a danger in overthinking at times... it appears to be a danger I'm rather vulnerable to. Perhaps it's because I do not have as many memories as other people."
That contemplation aside, she settles back against the frame of the window, stretching out her bare feet. "I can understand how Rebecca feels. It isn't that you should hold yourself back, I think... but be more, ah... prudent, perhaps? You act because you feel you should act, and that is who you are. To do otherwise would be untrue to yourself, and I feel that is important."
And rare?
"Nevertheless..." She looks away from him, up towards the ceiling. "It's always easier to see someone else's shortcomings than one's own. Perhaps that's why you are able to see Riesenlied in that light."
Rebecca...
"You're important to her, Dean. Remember that. ...That's why you must take care when acting."
She touches a hand to her chest, as if attempting to feel the pulse of her own heart. This is...
Is that, her? Or...
A single nod meets his comment as she's so distracted, on the topic of chores to make up for later. For a moment, she barely hears him. She sinks, descending into the sea with barely a ripple of her consciousness to show for it.
The barrier is here.
There's a point to which she can approach, and a point after which she can go no further. Ever has it been since she first awoke with tears in her eyes. The power comes from here, a wind under the door.
She faces it, reaches out her hand; it's cool, cold, hard. No passage to be had.
But this time she realizes something. A barrier, impassable? No. It's a pane of glass. It can be broken. If she were to pierce it, gather all her strength and shatter it--
DO NOT.
No terror joins that sudden hard pulse of intuition about the barrier's nature: it can be broken but do not break it. do not.
It's simply a fact. Do not. Go no further. Return from whence you came, traveler. Her psyche backs off as Dean continues to speak, she rounds it, facing her own reflection.
And she turns away, rising back to the surface once more.
The only sign she's slipped away however briefly is a dip of her head, as if she were instead nodding off.
"..."
Her arms cross over her torso. "...The Moon. I..." She shakes her head. "There must be some reason for it... the Guardians, the nature of the illusion... something that can't be expressed."
She would know that. Things that can't be said.
"Not all things can be said in words. For a Guardian... they are a part of the planet itself. Perhaps it's something that cannot be said... or that they themselves cannot say."
Because of their nature.
<Pose Tracker> Dean Stark has posed.
"You wouldn't?" Dean asks, curious. He pushes himself upright--or at least into a sitting position--so he can better look Avril's way. Her explanation earns her a smile, and one from the heart; it always makes Dean feel good when he hears he's helped someone. Especially these days, when he's come to learn how hard it can be to help someone with problems that can't simply be fixed by running an errand or fetching an object. "I think it's good that you think so much, though. Maybe not the *over*thinking stuff, but you're really smart and thoughtful and stuff, and even though you've lost your memory, you still know how to do a lot. That's really cool! It's good for both of us we've got Rebecca around, though, right?" He grins ruefully. "She knows a lot more than both of us put together, and she's always explaining stuff to the both of us. Even if she could stand to be nicer about it when it comes to me..." He scratches his head. "Still, it just wouldn't be the same without her around!"
...A shame Rebecca's not here to hear him say that. Avril comments too on Dean's recklessness and Rebecca's reaction thereof. He swings his legs around so he can sit properly on the edge of the bed, then lowers his head. "I don't think what Riese was doing was *bad*," he clarifies. "I think it's great that she works so hard to help other people! I really like that about her... I wish Ida wouldn't get so jealous. I'm sure they'd be great friends if Ida could put that past her. And more than that, if Riese hadn't used up almost all her strength to heal me and Kaguya, I don't know what would've happened to me. But... you're right. Looking at her, and hearing how worried everyone was about her..." He rubs a finger under his nose. "It put some things into perspective, yeah. I'm glad she's okay... I'd hate it if she'd died to save me."
A pause. Avril doesn't respond. She seems to have zoned out, as he realizes when he looks up at her. "Avril?" he says. No response. "Avril? Hey!" And then her head bobs up, and she resumes conversation like normal. Dean's mouth slants sideways and he rubs the back of his head. "Sheesh, I didn't think I was rambling *that* much." He shakes his head, then focuses back on her.
"Something that can't be expressed... That's kind of hard for me to imagine. I don't get... holding back something that's important." He frowns a little. "...but I guess I can get keeping a secret. That's *also* important. Do you think it might be something like that? Something they can't say because it would hurt even more than if they said it?" He pauses, then shakes his head. "...I don't know. If it were me, I'd rather hear it anyway. But I'm just a human. I guess a Guardian's got a lot more to worry about than I do." He folds his arms, frowning. "What d'you think their reason might be? Any ideas?" He doubts it, because amnesia, but he figures she might have a better insight than he does. ...even if apparently the Guardians don't like her for some reason, either. Seriously, what's their problem?
<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.
That smile returns, however briefly. "...I'm glad that you think that, Dean. Thinking is... important to me, but I must take care not to dwell in thoughts overmuch. There is much to be said for living life as it arrives, moment after moment. Even the smallest things can give great joy. Such as this rain. I... am enjoying the sound, even if it keeps us indoors."
Her gaze flickers downwards as the talk turns to Rebecca. "Yes... I feel as if I would not have gotten as far without her." She thinks, briefly, of the encounter within the Den of Miasma. "Or you."
It wasn't bad, he says. "No, I agree. Her intent... I admire that resolve. Nevertheless... it is the same as it is with you -- people are relying on her. If she were to become badly hurt, it would not with her end. The pain would proceed." Her lips press thin at his mention of Ida, and Ida's clear jealousy. "If... I but knew the cause of the wound in her heart..."
She shivers, unvoluntarily. Something was wrong. A premonition? Or...
Something lurks beneath the ice that should be left well enough alone.
"Oh... no, I am sorry. I was... lost in thought again," she says. And Avril, straightening against the windowframe, turns another glance towards the near-endless pour of rain. Soon, they said, it would end, and then the desert would return to seeming as if it had never fallen at all.
Filgaia is dying. This rain is just a drop in the bucket, if that bucket had a hole in the bottom. It does nothing, solves nothing.
Will even saving the statues be enough? Or are they prolonguing something that should...
"That may be so," she answers Dean, inclining her head in a nod as she rouses herself from such thoughts. "Something that might need to be held a secret because the truth is worse than a lie. ...But it may also be something they are unable to say. I cannot speculate what it might be like to be a Guardian -- indeed, that is why I cannot speculate. They are an existence different than us. It may be that they... cannot speak on certain matters, much like a fish cannot take to the air."
Or it may be deliberate. 'Althena the traitor'?
<Pose Tracker> Dean Stark has posed.
Dean smiles back at Avril, which changes into a thoughtful look. "The sound of the rain, huh...?" He looks towards the window at the downpour. "...I guess you got a point. I don't like being cooped up indoors, but... rain like this always meant good things for the crops in Capo Bronco. The adults were always really happy when it rained. I guess that means you're more of an adult than me, huh?"
His smile returns, as does a bashful nose rub, when Avril cites Rebecca and Dean both as the reason she's come this far. "Ehehe..." It fades into something more serious when the conversation proceeds to Riesenlied, and segues into Ida. Ida... She's talked a lot about her problems with Dean, but he's not sure he understands them well enough to explain them to someone else. It's probably not his place to, anyway. And Riese... People rely on her. If she were hurt or killed, the pain wouldn't end with her... Something about that resonates with Dean. It's a little like how Avril flipped out when he was badly hurt, wasn't it? He didn't like seeing that either... "Say, Avril--" he starts, intending to ask her about it.
But then she doesn't respond, and she admits to zoning out again, and Dean gets distracted by a different topic. He doesn't know if the effort they're pouring into saving this world, like the rain pouring into the desert, is futile, but... he's sure it's at least not meaningless. This planet might be dying, but it's not dead *yet*. They're all still alive. And it's only natural for things that are alive to keep trying to live, right? ...but as Avril doesn't voice those thoughts, Dean can't express his own.
"Ohhh, I think I get what you mean now," he says. "I... That's really weird to me, too." He scratches his head. "I can't wrap my head around not being able to talk about something any more than you could stop breathing air. It must be tough to be a Guardian..." Never mind that Avril's speaking in hypotheticals.
As for Althena, that was weird, too. Dean's heard the name Althena before--there are those people who worship Althena as the 'one and only goddess' or whatever, just like the people who worship Granas as the 'one and only god' or whatever--but beyond that he doesn't really know anything about her. It might even be just a coincidence that there's someone named Althena who may or may not be a traitor. Dean really doesn't know. But he aims to find out. He can't stay ignorant forever.
"We'll find out someday," he thus says. "We've just got to keep working at it and learning more and more." He smiles. "But for now, maybe we can just have a quiet moment to think, heal, and listen to the rain, huh?" He could stand to learn to slow down once in a while, after all. Not enough to stop--but just enough so he doesn't run himself into the ground.
There are people counting on him, after all.