2018-06-18: Appreciate What You Have

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  • Log: Appreciate What You Have
  • Cast: Fei Fong Wong, Xantia
  • Where: Vane - Residential District
  • Date: June 18th, 2018
  • Summary: Xantia returns to Vane, reuniting with Fei after a lengthy absence. A running gag dies, but irony is alive and well as Xantia is finally able to properly talk to Fei about Id.

======================<* Vane - Residential District *>=======================

According to the histories, the Magic City of Vane once floated above the surface of Lunar, providing magicians with a vantage point like none other to study the mysteries of their art and world.

Those days are gone.

The Vane of today is a battered, ramshackle ruin, with all but a few houses crumbled into rubble and disrepair. The outskirts of the city would be a looter's paradise if there was anything left to loot; most residents are either scraping out a bare existence with the Magic Guild or simply taking advantage of free real estate to squat in the less-toppled buildings.

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_Vntv83fb8
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei Fong Wong has taken a break from adventuring over the past week or so to work on a painting. The painting in question is a commission of sorts for Riesenlied to commemorate the connection formed between the people of Taben Peak and the Fereshte. Needless to say, the painting involves a lot of children being cute to one another. Fei, for whatever reason, felt that it should be commemorated. Perhaps seeing so much lost history has taught Fei of its importance. He doesn't want these memories to be wholly forgotten.

He could use with more fresh air though and while Fei is at peace in Taben Peak, it is far more difficult for him to just stay in one place these days. The drifter bug has taken a bite into him and he doesn't think going back to a Lahan lifestyle would even suit him anymore. Not for long, anyway. He has brought his tools to the outskirts of Vane and is presently working on it but he does seem to be mostly done. He is criticizing his own work to see what must be done for him to be truly satisfied with his work.

But he does look relatively (compared to his usual state) rested and content.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

"Wow. That must've taken a long time."

Suddenly, an audience. Of one, who doesn't know much about art, but would certainly appreciate the immortalization of memories. Standing at a slight distance behind Fei, more than likely just waiting for him to turn around before launching some kind of hug attack. At least we're beyond the point where Xantia would just barrel into people without any thought of what she might be ruining in the process. The painting's going to be fine. And so will Fei... unless he is NOT PREPARED.

Upon the first distance taken from the work in the progress, Xantia's off to deliver that hug. "Long time no see!" Relatively so, anyway. And definitely something that she's at least partially to blame for. One moment she's back at the Wolfsbane at the end of nearly every day, the next she's suddenly gone for weeks. Nothing that hasn't happened before, but the first time it's happened on Lunar. Maybe she's getting used to the place after all, despite her stated urgence in wanting to go back to Filgaia as soon as possible.

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei nearly knocks over a can of paint as he tries to step out of its way before the inevitable. He doesn't want to get tackled into paint either. He starts to turn and he is still bowled over like Calvin vs. Hobbes though he at least doesn't splat into the paint.

"Oof, I underestimated your propelling force," Fei manages dizzily. "You're right, it has been a long time! What've you been up to?" He rubs at his neck to see if it hurts. He seems to be okay though.

"Getting used to Lunar?" Fei asks. "Or just looking for a way back?" Or neither?? Fei doesn't know but he's compelled to ask. While it does take some time for him to recover, he does eventually smile gratefully back to Xantia. "I'm glad you're alright."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia chuckles mischievously at Fei's near-fumble in handling her hug assault. "I guess too long. You need more training." She can joke because nothing bad happened. No sense in worrying about how much worse that could've gone. And Fei's fine, she's sure. Certainly not about to start holding back her strength a little more or anything.

She doesn't immediately answer the questions, taking her time with the hug before stepping back, smiling brightly. And confirming oh-so-cheerfully the part that wasn't said out loud, "Neither! Well, it would've been nice if I happened to find something out about how to get back, but that wasn't really why. I just, wanted to explore a little bit..."

You can tell there's some kind of 'but' coming a few seconds before she actually decides to continue, seeming to need a moment to make up her mind about what to say. "Well, to tell you the truth, I mainly wanted to go find Lily. I... found out that her magic is actually the same as mine." She doesn't feel too bad about not specifying Id was the one who told her about that. Fei's just going to go 'who?' again. She can recognize a pattern after all.

Instead, she focuses on the most exciting part of the equation. "She's gonna try to teach me to do more with it! If I can figure out more about how it works, maybe I can learn how to do other elements!"

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Oh no is that running gag over?

"Yeah I guess I am out of practice." Fei admits, fondly but a bit strained because he was knocked on the floor. "I've been kind of taking it easy, working on this painting." He gestures towards it. "It's uh, it's the Taben Peak kids meeting the Fereshte kids. I suggested Riesenlied make some artwork for her people and she suggested this." He smiles faintly. "It sounded like a good choice. It was that tower that gave me the idea--the one with all the evil artwork?" He pauses. "Uh I'm not getting into evil artwork but it got me thinking about all the lost history we're dealing with. Kind of like--a memory aide for history."

He knows how important that is to Xantia.

He stands up eventually, carefully, rubbing at his back as he does so. "The same as hers?" Fei blinks. "Well, that's ether i guess. I think Elly uses it too if you want to talk to her too but they're the best ether users I know." Fei also uses ether but he doesn't know it's ether.

Regardless despite Xantia's dodge there he asks, "Who told you that?"

He at least doesn't seem to mind Xantia learning. It'll help her be safe, Fei figures.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia regards the painting, blinks a few times, then looks back to Fei. "The Fereshte was here?" Looks like she didn't get that memo. "Huh. I thought only people got sent over here. Did any Gears come with it?" Specifically hers, or she wouldn't be asking. Not that it numbers among her chief concerns at the moment, but... it would be a shame to lose it, she was just starting to get used to it.

Memories seem like they will always be her primary concern, and thus when preservation of memories is brought up, it predictably gets an enthusiastic reaction. "That's a great idea, Fei! I never really thought about it before, but if you can do art, it's kind of like you have the power to make memories last forever, isn't it? That's incredible!" Well, unless some kind of vindictive jerk goes and destroys the artwork. You can tell the moment Xantia is thinking back to that part of the evil artwork tower, her expression momentarily clouding over. It passes quickly, as these things tend to.

"That's right, Ether," she confirms, nodding several times as Elly's name comes up. "I figured out she'd have to be the other girl he mentioned. It's a little weird though, I didn't think the stuff I do was very similar to what they do. Maybe I'm using it wrong." Not like she commonly knows what she's doing, but apparently where it comes to Ether 'just doing it' is normal, at least.

Of course, now she brought a 'he' into the equation, which makes Fei's question all the more fair. "Oh, um..." But Xantia is a little reluctant, trying to find the right way to word this. It seems so pointless if she were to just say it straight out. She can't actually figure out a better way however, so eventually she just shrugs and confirms, "It was Id. You probably don't know him."

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei laughs, "Well neither did I really. To be honest, my work usually is more impressionistic for something like this, but even if it's not a complete replication, getting the feeling of what it was like--I think that's important. We know so little about even what happened five hundred years ago, let alone several thousand. We'll never be able to live peacefully on Filgaia if we don't learn from our mistakes."

He crosses his arms, looking over Xantia. "That's what I thought too for a while, but--it seems like some crafts made it over, like the Carakin Caravnan and the Fereshte itself. I guess it just worked out that way...but to be honest it's so damaged that it can't even move right now by my understanding. They've been working on it at Taben Peak. You should drop by sometime--though you might have to warm the kids up to you. They are aggressive about trespassers."

"Well, he could be wrong." Fei admits. "Or maybe it's just similar enough that it confused him. Sorcery is, uh, kind of hard to pin down sometimes."

He then blinks a few times as Xantia says WHO it was.

"Wait, wait...it was Id? How does that guy know about you?" He looks back to Xantia, eyes slightly wide. He looks worried. Maybe even afraid. It's strange, all those times he said 'who?' but this time he seems very aware that Id is an entity that exists...and is dangerous.

"And he knows about Lily and Elly?" Fei frowns, biting into one of his nails. "...Why would he suggest them? Maybe he knew we were working together but even so..."

He realizes this talk might be unnerving Xantia here so he looks back and shakes his head. "Well, I wouldn't say I know him. Have never even seen him. But aren't you the one who told me about him? I've heard about him from all sorts of people these days. What people say... It's hard for me to imagine me forgetting."

But that's exactly what happened isn't it?

Eventually he admits, "...Why is he trying to help you?" thoughtfully. "Do you know? Sorry, uh, for asking so many questions."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia can only chuckle a bit unnervedly at the thought of things that happened that long ago. She doesn't even remember what happened two years ago. It's hard to imagine it's even possible for time to go that far back. Let alone imagine what it would be like to forget about several thousand years worth of memories. Good thing that's nothing anybody will ever have to worry about.

Instead, she'll focus on things that are easier to fathom. Smacking her right fist into the opposite palm, she realizes, "Of course, the Carakin! I never even thought about that, if it's here then of course other things could've gotten here, too! ...though I still wouldn't have expected anything quite that big. Lucky it didn't fall on a city, or something." Nodding to the notion of dropping by, her smile only grows wider when told the kids might give her some trouble. "Aggressive, you say? Sounds like a challenge." That... probably doesn't mean she plans to start punching children or anything.

Xantia wasn't really expecting the Id namedrop to go anywhere, so when Fei clearly doesn't just know who he is, but is this alarmed by it... yeah, now she's very confused. Just when she thought she got the pattern down of how this goes, it's suddenly completely different. She didn't think Fei actually forgot each time, signs of amnesia regression would've been cause for serious alarm. She just got the impression Fei for some reason just was really uninterested in Id, and so never paid any attention to anything she said about him.

And now this. She can't help but ask a counter-question, before answering any of Fei's. "Are... you alright, Fei? Did something happen, with Id?" She can only guess Id did something terrible, Fei heard about it, and now he's suddenly worried. That would... sort of make sense.

Regardless, she shakes her head. It'd a bit exasperating if she had to act like this never came up before, so she's not about to do that. "I did tell you about him... several times. About when we talked, when we fought... it didn't look like you were paying attention, so after a while I just... figured there'd be no point in telling you. I know Elly's fought him, and Lily's talked to him... I guess he just noticed we all use Ether. He seems to know a lot, about many things."

She can't help but smile, thinking back. "He actually helped me a lot already. I guess he's interested in finding out about my past too, I don't know. But I'm really grateful. If it wasn't for him, I might've gotten stuck a long time ago." Unlike Fei, she doesn't seem worried about her interactions with Id at all. Quite the opposite.

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

That...probably doesn't mean Xantia is going to start punching children, Fei hopes. He should probably try to be more careful when talking about the past but, to be fair, his own memory doesn't extend much farther than Xantia's. Aside from the strange visions, he only has a few short years himself. "Yeah, I uh. I am hoping what transported us here took that into account." It might be why even why they ended up in other locations via it trying to compensate. Then again, he's not sure, but it might've broken partway through. That's an unsettling thought.

Almost as unsettling as what Xantia is saying about Id.

"I guess you didn't hear about it, but yeah--he attacked Hiro and Lucia's crew...and Leon and Elly who were with them at the time. Riesenlied and Noeline too. He would've probably killed them if it hadn't been for the Dragonmaster Ghaleon showing up and lending a hand with the Guard."

He lowers his head. "...I don't really know the full story there, of course, but...he's a dangerous guy."

He raises his head. "But if he's helping you, I'm glad for that at least. Just...he doesn't seem stable. Even if he likes you now, you don't know what might set him off." What if Id doesn't like what he sees about her past, Fei worries.

But the worst part is what Xantia says about having mentioned him several times to him before.

"You did?" Fei asks. "I remember...once I think." He closes his eyes. "......Yeah..." He says as if reminding himself. "He fought Elly." And...talked with Lily? That's weird.

Fei pinches the bridge of his nose as if a headache were coming on. He goes quiet.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Dealing with otherworldly transporters is simple. You just have to come to terms with how it's probably magic that isn't going to make any sense to you even if somebody explained it, so there's no point in thinking about it. That's how Xantia does it.

Hearing about Id nearly killing people she cares about... doesn't unsettle Xantia as much as it probably should. It's expected from Id, and she would've been really upset if he actually had killed one of them... but he didn't, and so everything is fine. It shouldn't be fine. But Xantia's started to consider it fine. And failing to see the dangers inherent in this.

"That sounds like Id," she confirms, far too calmly. "I know how dangerous he is, he blows up cities and everything. I don't know why he does things like that. But..."

She falls silent. It's hard to explain the way she feels about Id, even to herself. Fei seems to be having a tough time of sorting out his thoughts as well. She has half a mind to try and change the subject, it would probably be easier on the both of them. But... no. She's never been able to really talk to Fei about Id. She wants to somehow make him understand.

"...He's all alone." That's really the main reason, isn't it? It makes sense once she says it out loud, prompting herself to continue, more passionately. "I mean, of course he is. He's the Demon of Elru, a legendary destroyer. Nobody would want to be close to him. Nobody would try to understand him, to try to figure out why he does these things. But... that's really sad, isn't it?"

She takes a breath, reeling in her emotions a little. She averts her gaze towards nowhere in particular, musing, "...I could've ended up like that, I think. What if my first experience on Filgaia was like my first experience on Lunar? Everybody being scared of me, trying to chase me away, hurting me... If I started to think all people were like that, if I felt I had to hurt people before they could hurt me... Would I have been the same way?"

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Maybe he'd be less alone, Fei thinks, if he stopped with all the murders but ultimately what happens to Id matters a lot less than what happens to Xantia. If Id is treating her well that's better than the alternative isn't it? Still, it's hard to be relaxed about this for the evident reasons that Xantia clearly knows about already. Despite her early attitudes, she seems to be...growing up a little? Maybe that's not the best way to describe it but that's how it feels. Even if it's in this dangerous way.

"Well I'm trying to reach Siegfried," Fei admits. "So I guess I can't fault you for trying to be his friend either. But..." Fei exhales. "...Whatever happened to him. It doesn't excuse it, you know? He's still hurting a lot of people by the sounds of it. One day he might kill someone we both care about. He's already killed people others care about. And when you do that...maybe your feelings don't matter so much anymore because you just spread your pain to others. Maybe that's his way...of wanting people to understand him. If he kills their loved ones, maybe they'll understand what he lost or what he's missing...but he has to be able to get that without hurting others. Otherwise...what's the point, I guess?"

He looks away. "...I mean...it is sad but..."

He thinks back to what Xantia said about being chased around by the Lunarians. How they were afraid of her. it was a simple thing, Fei didn't know it was weighing on Xantia so heavily. She rebounds so quickly it's hard sometimes to see Xantia's own agony.

"Do you really think you would've ended up like that Xantia?" Fei asks. He sounds curious rather than judgemental. "To be honest...it's hard for me to imagine you ever being anybody like that." He lowers his head. "...course, I don't think I'd handle that well either. If it wasn't for doc who was the only man who stood by me from Lahan, if it wasn't for you guys...I don't know where I would've ended up." He laughs a bit. "I probably didn't make it easy."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia has more complicated thoughts than she used to, at least. Whether or not that's leading her in a good direction, that remains to be seen. All she knows for sure right now is that she can't leave Id alone, in any sense of the word. She can't begin to imagine a resolution right now, so in the mean time, she'll just have to muddle through, and hope for the best. It's how she does most things.

"Siegfried..." Xantia chuckles, in spite of herself. "That's a funny coincidence. This one time, it looked like Id was trying to be Siegfried's friend, too. Or... actually it sounded more like they used to be friends before." Leave it to Xantia to remember things like that. It was easy that time anyway, being as fully focused on Id as she was, even if it was coincidence that she managed to catch it happening.

Xantia's expression sours a bit, looking a little guilty as it feels like she's being admonished for doing a thing she knows is wrong. "I know... I know all that. But... I don't know, it just feels really important to me. He's always felt somehow important to me, even when all we did was fight all the time. I can't really explain it, but no matter what he does, or is planning on doing, even if I want to stop him, I just... look forward to seeing him again."

She lowers her head. If she could be sure whether or not she could've ended up like Id, she wouldn't have asked the question - it was meant for herself more than anything else. "...I can't say that for sure. I mean, back then, I didn't know anything, anything at all."

She looks Fei in the eyes again. "Grandpa and grandma were nice to me. Everyone in the Baskar Colony was nice to me. When I eventually made it to Adelhyde people were nice to me there, too. But... if the first people I saw had been awful to me, if the whole village made me feel unwelcome... I never would've even gone to Adelhyde. I'd have avoided any places with lots of people. And I never would have met you. Don't you think I would've ended up completely different, then?"

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei says, "Wha?" about Id trying to be Siegfried's 'friend'. He shakes his head. "Well I guess when you're Siegfried's age, you get a lot of connections like that." He can't speak as to Id's motivations. It's not like he knows him!! AT ALL!!! It's also not like Id and Fei share a brain either. That would be ridiculous.

Does Id have some connection to Xantia's lost memories, Fei wonders, or is this Xantia muddying her understanding with what she wants to be the case? He isn't sure what would be preferable.

"Heh... I don't think I could be that strong," Fei admits to Xantia, placing a hand on her shoulder. "But I trust your judgement. If that's how you feel...maybe it'd work out! I can't share your faith but..."

"I don't know," Fei admits. "There's folks out there who suffered a lot and manage to keep optimistic, to not take it out on others. I don't think it's impossible you would've ended up differently, but I don't think it's certain you would have. At least...not this differently."

He smiles though and adds, "But I'm sure all these folks will be grateful to know that you think of them like that. And a little bit of empathy goes a long way."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia nods a bit. "That's true. Siegfried seems to know something about everybody." Except for her, she doesn't say, but it's implied. Even if she was just getting personalized taunts like most people, that would be something. But as usual, no indication that anybody's met her at some point before she can remember.

The hand on her shoulder causes Xantia to briefly tense up, before relaxing. She's gotten herself really worked up over all this. She much prefers just going with the flow, not worrying about anything. But she has her concerns, and sometimes she just has to get them off her chest. To Fei, especially. He always knows what to say.

This time is no exception. A smile returns naturally in no time flat, and Xantia goes for another hug. Even more unconfortably strong than usual. It's part of the training. At least she relaxes her strength in time to catch a breath. "Thank you, Fei... I'm glad you think so. And that I met you. That was probably the most important thing that needed to happen to become who I am now." It certainly would be a lot harder to feel better about herself without someone like Fei to offer support when she gets lost in doubts.

<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.

Fei is crushed by Xantia's hug and dies.

Well not really, but this time he does wince as Xantia hugs him just hard enough that it's a little painful, but it's brief and he lets Xantia do what she needs to do. He even returns it, though he's not going to try and crush Xantia here. He sees Xantia as family. Strange family, perhaps, but family all the same. He can rely on that, at least. Whatever memories they are, whatever is pushing Xantia towards Id--they're not really relevant to Fei. It's the Xantia of Now that Fei sees as family. Any other Xantias out there, well, he can accept them right?

But he does laugh a little, red in the face, at Xantia's words to him. It's not that he finds it funny but he is a bit embarrassed all the same. "Heh, I'm not sure what I'd be like but... Thank you. That means a lot to me." He gathers up his belongings. "Let's get you something to eat."

He'll lead Xantia back into town but he has one lingering thought all the same.

'I hope Id appreciates what he has'.