2018-07-10: What I Want To Be

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  • Log: What I Want To Be
  • Cast: Riesenlied, Jacqueline Barber, Lydia Seren
  • Where: Pendrago
  • Date: 10th July 2018
  • Summary: Riesenlied recuperates with Jacqueline after the events at Felkirk, and Lydia pays them a visit.

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied was in a rather bad shape after the battl with Mederic de Courcey at Felkirk Village; the wash of Valmar's power had blasted her back rather direly, and even if she hung on to the end to sustain the light of Laevateinn...

... well, she didn't escape damage using her own powers later. That, and Jacqueline had been rather distraught after the revelations of the last fight, so she wanted to cuddle two cuccos with one pair of arms (... she won't throw rocks at them, okay) -- visiting her for healing before they returned to Meribus. Of course, if her daughter Lydia is going to visit, she'll be super happy too!

<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.

While Jacqueline had managed to escape with minimal physical injuries, it had been...exhausting, all around. Emotionally, more than anything. A part of her had expected things might come to this ever since Fei discovered that cap in Felkirk, but...well, even so, she can't help but feel hurt.

Still, she knew that Riesenlied must be suffering, as well. Right now, perhaps the best thing to be would be to tend to their wounds, both physical and emotional, and consider how to proceed from here.

The former was much easier than the latter, particularly with Jacqueline's set of skills.

"Valmar's power...it's formidable." Jacqueline says, mixing up a potion. "When I saw that man attack you with that great beam, I was worried...you're fortunate to have escaped."

Jacqueline shakes her head, then, and goes quiet for a moment.

"...How are you holding up...?" She asks.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.


Lydia looks at her arm. The copper tint shimmers periodically through her skin, but she does have her skin back. Aren't you mad, Rebecca had asked her. She WAS mad, but after her conversation with Elly, it's hard for her to still feel that rage right now. Has trying to act on Granny Halle's advice numbed her to the emotion or is it something else?

Well, whenever Lydia is feeling so contemplative, it's nice to be with family so she can remind herself that she's not alone.


Lydia is making her way back to Pendrago finally after having been largely gone since her last meeting with Ethius. She hasn't been up to facing Jay properly after her own encounter with him but she's tired and ready for life to go back to normal and figures she'll revisit the Carakin once she's done with her business here. She certainly looks better from when she was half(three quarters?) melted.

She is surprised to see Riesenlied there though! Her eyes widen as she sees the injuries and she abandons her wagon to rush over.

"Moooom!" Lydia waves at her, rushing over, looking both worried but also kind of relieved. "Jaaay! What's up?? What happened??"

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied lets out a faint little wince as she trembles, as Jacqueline tends to her wounds. If she hadn't thrown out that emergency barrier -- thanks to one broken priestess' staff of Althena -- she may as well wouldn't be here now.

"I am," Riesenlied knows that much. "I..." She furrows her brow. "I share your concerns. ... I don't know what happened to her. To Neriah... last I met her--"

She hesitates.

"It's a drastic difference..." She sweetly looks at Lydia when she emerges, though, expressing, "Lydie...! Goodness, I'm glad to see you..."

Riesenlied's in a sorry kind of state right now. The Althenan robes are basically ruined, so she's had to change to her Fereshte dress, which...

... well, if she's going to wear vestments of the faith, it may as well be her own.

<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.

Jacqueline does try to be gentle, at least. She knows Riesenlied is probably feeling pretty fragile right now, and she doesn't want to make things any worse.

"...I never even imagined she would be capable of anything like this." Jacqueline agrees, shaking her head. ...Well, at least on this level.

A familiar voice from the side catches Jacqueline's attention and she looks over, offering Lydia a smile and a faint wave.

"Ah, Lydia...hello." Jacqueline says, a little subdued.

What happened...that was a lot to answer.

"...There was an incident. It's taken care of now, but...well, as you can see, it was pretty difficult for everyone..." She explains. ...Not that it was a very helpful explanation.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia Seren hears that there's something up with Neriah, something spooky, but that's about all she really knows. She can completely imagine Neriah unleashing all the powers of hell and yadda yadda but she doesn't mention this aloud because it's not like it'll help at all. Instead she says, "Guess we should find out what happened to her."

But she focuses more on Riesenlied's wounds. Lydia doesn't know about the Althenian robes but she can tell Riesenlied must have changed with those wounds. She smiles up at Riesenlied and it isn't even hesitant or embarrassed. "Glad to see you too. Even if you're hurt, at least it's not worse, right?"

She can't really give Riesenlied a hug while she's like this so she just reaches out and gives her hand a small squeeze before looking back to Jay. "I met up with Ethius. I forgot if I told you. It uh. It didn't go well, but I managed to get Amber away before Ethius did something we'd regret."

She looks back to Riesenlied and adds, "Anything I can do to help out?"

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied swallows faintly to utter, "... the corruptive presence of Valmar descended upon Felkirk Village. Twisted it from the inside out..."

A pause, as she glances towards the ceiling for a moment. "I saw the faces. The faces she'd shown me in her dreams, in her memories. The face of that old man -- the one she calls 'Number One'."

She trembles a little bit harder. She shakes her head. "... I do not wish to give up on anyone, Jacqueline, you know that, but... what can I-- what can we do, if a supernatural influence turns them against what we are capable of...?"

She leans a little to Lydia to give her a hug despite the wincing -- it's a light one, just with her less damaged arm, but it's clear she needed the company.

"Amber...?" A pause. "Ethius was there... at Felkirk, he used his great magics again." She makes a little face. "I am glad he cast it far enough, because that storm of his has..."

She lowers her head. "Made me... ah, incoherent before."

Lydia asks what she can do to help, though, and she says, "Your company is a greater boon than I can ask for right now..."

<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.

"Oh, you met up with him? That's good." Jacqueline says...and then frowns, as Lydia goes on to say that it didn't go well. "...I see. Well, at least she's alright...how's she doing?"

Riesenlied gives a better explanation and Jacqueline nods quietely before looking toward her.

"...I don't know. ...I guess the only we can do is keep trying to reach out to her. And if that doesn't work...do what we can to stop her before she does something...irreversible. ...But I don't know how." She replies, shaking her head.

...Well, more irreversible than she's already done, that is.

Jacqueline nods, though as Riesenlied mentions that Ethius was there.

"Yeah. He spoke to me this time, at least." ...Even if it felt like she was being scolded.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"Felkirk?" Lydia says, raising both eyebrows. "Ehh, it didn't seem so bad to me." She promptly starts mimicking the judgement-horrors of the Felkirk church. "'Feeeeel baaaad Lydia,'" Lydia waves her hands around in the air like she just don't care. "'Let me remind you of all the stuff you've told yourself when you were in a shitty mode OoooOoooOoh'." Lydia jerks a thumb at herself. Wow this might seem as a little insensitive. "That shit ain't gonna work on me so easily no more cause I've got the perfectest people in my life." Oh wait no it's secretly sweet.

Naturally she returns Riesenlied's hug cautiously.

Of course she might be singing a different tune if she saw a dude grow like seven mouths and try to murder everyone with globs of manifested badfeels in glorb form. She does say, "Well Ethius better not hurtcha." she looks back to Jay. "Or you neither."

Lydia does explain what's going on with Amber though. "Well she's pretty sore about it but negotiations have opened up. I think she'll be back on board soon." She looks towards Riesenlied and grins at her. "Amber was there when you were evaccing folks. We're gonna end this abuse of the merc business to make murder happen. Through sneakiness though so--" She lifts a finger up to her mouth before letting it drop.

"But you're a sweetie. Don'tcha worry, when you're ready to head back I'll go with you until you have so much company you'll feel better than before you got hurt."

She wonders, though, what qualifies as irreversible.

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied can't help but-- giggle a little at Lydia's confidence against the feel-bad mechanisms. It's true, isn't it? As long as they have each other, as long as they have support...

"Yes, you're right, Miss Jacqueline," Riesenlied expresses. "... like with that knight... he was lured to that end at his lowest and most vulnerable, when he felt that his faith had been betrayed. He had no one to support him through his toughest times... until he met his 'Lady' -- Neriah..."

She shakes her head. "I was much the same way. I hinged deeply in my faith in Mother to the point where I committed atrocities despite what my conscience told me..."

She nods again and says, "So let's not give up, you're right. And..."

She sounds approving of Lydia's ending the mercenary business. She smiles warmer as she says, "... and I have-- an idea, at the very least. A belonging I have long suppressed from memory... something I owe Odoryuk for far too long now... have I-- expressed it to you before?"

<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.

Jacqueline has to smile slighly at Lydia's description of Felkirk, too. Now that it was all over, it did help to smooth out some of the soreness she was feeling about that place.

"I'm glad to hear it...please deliver to her an apology from me. I didn't expect Ethius would react...like that. I suspect the Malevolence might have something to do with it, but I don't know for sure." Everyone had been affected in some, some more subtle than others.

She nods toward Riesenlied.

"Yes. I fear that she might end up the same way... All the tales I've heard of Valmar do not paint him as the most...merciful."

Lydia explains the business to Riesenlied, and Jacqueline nods.

"I've give her my blessing on the matter, too. ...And my assistance, should it be necessary." She adds.

"A belonging? Something you owe Odoryuk..." Jacqueline comments, glancing toward Riesenlied. "I don't recall, myself, but a lot has happened...it's possible it may have slipped my mind."

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"Or the hits to the head," Lydia mumbles. "Anyway he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore," She shrugs her shoulders. That was her interpretation at least, though she doubts that directly has anything to do with Amber though despite her nonchalance, Lydia hasn't exactly destroyed Ethius's tunic which she forgot to give back to him right?

She looks to Riesenlied, blinking, and then adds, "Well I saw you...summon Odoryuk before. I think." She rubs at her neck. Sometimes the Guardians do weird things weirdly. "Is that what you mean or..is this something else?"

She doesn't know much about Valmar but her own experiences with the Granas Church isn't exactly great so she doesn't press the matter. If Valmar is doing things like what happened to Felkirk, though, it's definitely bad news.

Lydia nods once to Jay too. "And yeah, it'll be alright. I mean, in the end, folks don't actually like war all that much. Nobles can only trick it into happenin' so much."

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

"Back at the Pleasing Gardens... that was only possible because his statue had been shattered -- it released such an overwhelming amount of Odoryuk's power..." Riesenlied recalls of Lydia's comment.

"A long time ago, I..." Riesenlied hesitates as she presses her hands to her chest. "During my time at the village of the Fereshte in Elru... I'd-- forgotten-- suppressed it until now, but I... there was a Medium there. A Medium of Odoryuk's..."


The image of the eight-sided Medium, so much like the Medium of Sea that Avril holds...

...clasped to her cold, clammy fingers...

"If we are to battle the powers of darkness itself... we will need the divine aid of the Guardians. Noeline has shown her bravery in unsealing Duras Drum to acquire his aid. Now I need..."

A hesitant pause. "I need to step up, as a survivor of the Fereshte. As far as I know, the only one, as well..."

She sucks a breath as she looks weakly to Lydia and Jacqueline. "I--I'd like your aid and expertise, of course... I want to learn, however I can, to use a Medium. So I can have a proper link to Odoryuk. So I can properly honor the memory of... the Fereshte."

<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.

"...Yes, or those." Jacqueline replies, and then frowns disapprovingly. "Did he really say that? I really need to have a talk with that man. That's going too far..."

If she could even track him down, that was.

She nods toward Lydia, though. That's what Jacqueline believed, as well.

Riesenlied begins to explain, and Jacqueline listens attentively. She doesn't say anything until the end.

"A Medium of Odoryuk..." She murmurs, deep in thought. She nods, then.

"Though I bear Grudiev's Medium, I'm no Shaman...but if you think I could help you, I would gladly do everything I can." She replies, offering Riesenlied a smile. "I do know a fair few Shamans, at least, so at the very least I could direct you toward someone more knowledgeable."

"...But, I think it is a noble thing. I'm sure the Fereshte would be proud to know that you're still thinking of them, still honoring them even now." She says.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia Seren does not have a weird empathic connection to Riesenlied but she does remember Riesenlied's situation with that particular village. She gives Riesenlied a few pats on her hand in an attempt to be reassuring. She says, "Hey, hey." to Riesenlied. "You don't have to feel like you gotta earn their support. You've done more than enough." She pauses for a moment before adding, "Um well like--" She tilts her head thoughtfully. "I mean, if you want, that's fine--but don't..uh..." She hesitates. "...Don't feel like you have t'keep apologizing. You're doing more than most do, you know?"

She then looks back over to Jay and adds, "I can teach you about our uh--methods, but it sounds like...I mean from experience seeing a lot of folks just pick one up and can use most of their abilities--but I'm guessing the biggest thing is that they pick you. That's really the end all be all, but if you're curious about customs and such--I can help with that."

She looks back over to Jay and smiles to her. "And I'm still a Shaman, regardless of my--uh--situation." She might have renounced it if not for people like Riesenlied, she thinks, due to some difficult experiences.

But not anymore.

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

There's more than a little bit of heartfelt flourish within Riesenlied's heart, knowing that Lydie's hung on to her calling despite the difficulties involved in it...

"... to be honest, I-- I do fear being burned again like when I last called Odoryuk," Riesenlied admits. "The power of a Guardian-- imposed a lot of stress upon me, for what I am, but... I am sure that we can both move forward with time and experience."

She nods at Jay, then at Lydie too. "I'll be counting on your experiences... and don't discount yourself either, Jacqueline -- you've materialised Grudiev on multiple occasions to save us..."

Riesenlied smiles warmer at Lydia and gives her another careful hug. "... I've spent some time with Elder Halle and the Baskar Colony to share our traditions -- and with Catenna as well... but I of course would love to know more." A pause. "Being chosen... I wonder if-- I wonder if it would be too arrogant to think such of Odoryuk?"

She shakes her head. "I am not certain, but..."

<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.

...It was true, it did seem that, for some, just having the Medium was enough. Still, Jacqueline had a feeling it might be a little bit more difficult for Riesenlied...but she was also certain that she would be able to overcome those difficulties.

Jacqueline returns Lydia's smile. There's a hint of pride in it, too. She's proud that Lydia is here, talking about this with Riesenlied despite everything.

She chuckles sheepishly, then, as Riesenlied comments on how she'd saved them with Grudiev before.

"...I suppose you're right." She agrees...and as Riesenlied voices her uncertainly, Jacqueline smiles.

"If you reach out to Odoryuk, earnestly and from the heart, I'm sure it'll be fine. It will take time, and it won't be easy, but I believe you can do it." She says.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia Seren will casually summon Rigdobrite to deal with problems that don't require meteors but even she says, "Well yeah I mean...don't hurt yourself just because we 'need' them. The Guardians are here to help but we can't rely on them to solve our problems."

She does look over to Jacqueline for a few moments and then grins back at Riesenlied. "Pffh, don't be ridiculous. Odoryuk would be lucky to have you." She grins widely. "But I don't make the rules, and I'm not sure the Guardians do either! There's only so much they can do yeah?" She nods slowly once and adds, "Sides, Odoryuk answered your call at least once before. Even if you're not 'chosen', thinks enough of you to do that right?"

She gives Riesenlied a big thumbsup. "But if you need references you know you've got mine! I'll write it down even if yyou'd like!"

Lydia doesn't feel especially chosen by the Guardians, not even by Rigdobrite, but she is still grateful to have them in her life. She forgets herself for a moment and gives Riesenlied another hug but totally forgets about the injuries this time woops!! Pretty tight!!

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

It's kind of sobering to hear Lydia say that, but she's right. Besides, it's not like Riesenlied wants to connect with Odoryuk because she's certain he'll fix her problems, but rather...

"It's like Jacqueline says. I want to work /with/ Odoryuk, and overcome the boundaries that have traditionally set us apart. Earnestly, from the heart..." Riesenlied nods gently. There's a bashful look from Riesenlied at Lydia's comment about her 'chosenness', nodding.

There's a yelp, though, when Lydia suddenly happily hugs her! Riesenlied's horns waggle up and down as she goes, "Ow-- oww!!"

<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.

Jacqueline nods. Fortunately, they seem to all be in agreement that they couldn't rely on the Guardians to fix everything.

"Indeed. And I've already vouched for you to the Guardians as well, of course." Jacqueline replies...but then smiles, and chuckles as Lydia goes in and gives Riesenlied a big hug!

"Careful, I've already had to patch her back up once today." Jacqueline teases with a good-natured smile.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"Ah!" Lydia pulls back. "S--sorry," Her cheeks color, though it is more grey than red these days. "Ahh---uhh--sorry..." She looks to the side a bit. "I guess..." She trails off, then she laughs a bit. "I've got impulse control problems." She looks down for a moment, trying to articulate it, but she ultimately gives up on that and adds, "Not used to being in this good of a mood, haha..." is ultimately what she goes with. "Like you've got something you've needed but didn't know but now it's like, it's something you've got all the time? If you think about it that way?"

She exhales. "Or something like that. Anyway, um--" She looks to Jay. "Thanks for looking after her. I'll be good from now on. Promise."

She pauses. "I mean, like, for today."

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied feels a lot better, it looks like, and with some of the fears addressed a little thanks to their good cheer. As Lydia admits to her mood, though, she-- can't help but chuckle and express, "The feeling is mutual, Lydie. I've been ever-warmed since I met you, and Janey, and Mikaia, and everyone else..."

Her cheeks flush just a little as she says, "Maybe-- maybe I wanted to be a mother more than I ever realised." She squeezes her hand gently with her own.