2018-07-20: Doing Fine
- Log: Doing Fine
- Cast: Xantia, Lily Keil
- Where: Vane - Residential District
- Date: July 20th, 2018
- Summary: Xantia takes Lily up on her earlier offer of magic lessons, but is distracted by matters of greater importance to her. As a result, Lily comes to an important realization about herself.
======================<* Vane - Residential District *>======================= According to the histories, the Magic City of Vane once floated above the surface of Lunar, providing magicians with a vantage point like none other to study the mysteries of their art and world. Those days are gone. The Vane of today is a battered, ramshackle ruin, with all but a few houses crumbled into rubble and disrepair. The outskirts of the city would be a looter's paradise if there was anything left to loot; most residents are either scraping out a bare existence with the Magic Guild or simply taking advantage of free real estate to squat in the less-toppled buildings. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_Vntv83fb8
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Following the climactic battle against K.K. that saw Xantia getting impaled with a spear nearly all the way through, one might expect that even a notoriously fast healer like her would take a bit of downtime. But one would be wrong. Staying only as long as it took to receive basic treatment, all Xantia needed was a momentary lapse in supervision to elude the medical team, sneaking off to who knows where. A move that nobody would call particularly wise, as that certainly wasn't the kind of injury that looked like it was going to disappear just like that.
Fast forward to Xantia arriving back at the Wolfsbane, and wouldn't you know it, the injury had disappeared just like that. This is just flat out cheating territory now. That was a huge wound, and it's like it was never there, not even a hint of residual scar tissue. It might be easier to believe that Xantia's twin sister just showed up than to believe that's normal, even by her standards. But since this Xantia knew about things that happened at Pendrago, and brightened up the area with a particularly radiant mood, there's no other conclusion that this has had to be the genuine article.
With little time wasted - or rested, which is just another way of saying 'wasting time' if you have as much energy as Xantia tends to - she approached Lily upon seeing she was around, cheerfully asking if she could have that magic lesson now. Adding in afterwards a concerned 'if you feel up to it' if Lily was still visibly wounded at the time.
Which leads into the present, Xantia picking out one of Vane's many vacant lots on the outskirts of town. This was already a poor district in the past, but in recent years has fallen entirely into ruin, leaving no reason for anyone to ever come here anymore. Which makes it perfect for some magic training! Many of the buildings already have fire damage even, it's not like anyone will notice a few more!
Xantia is of course pretty psyched about all this, already chattering away about the things she's learned recently, and would like to learn. "So now that I know how to do shockwaves without using my hands, I figure maybe I could learn how to do stuff like faraway lightning, like bolts from the air or something? Right now it's like... it doesn't go very far, it just stops if it moves away from my body. But what I'd really like is to do more elements, I'm pretty sure I should be able to do that, I'm just... not sure how. I've tried to do fire before, somehow I feel like that's something I can do, but whenever I try, either nothing happens or it's just lightning again. Is there a trick to it, or what?"
This... may be a bit of an exhausting experience.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily's used to being the one who cheats when it comes to healing--it remains strange to see someone else doing it. For once she wasn't the medical team--and for once, after what happened after that, Lily Keil is healing more slowly than usual. Her right arm is out of the sling at least, but she's still very obviously favoring her side, which is bandaged up for the perceptive. Her bruises are healed... But she has some extra makeup on today to conceal her fatigue.
She was visibly wounded, but Lily shook her head at the time. "We can do it. I'd rather have something to do."
Lily grabbed an armored jacket to put over herself, to more or less conceal the strange markings--save for on her hands, which she keeps in her pockets, and about her throat at the base of her clavicle, which in the open jacket and tanktop beneath she can't entirely conceal. ...So she slouches, mostly.
Xantia can pick where to go; Lily walks along listening, and you might expect her to be annoyed at all the chatter considering she looks like she has a hangover even though she rarely gets them and didn't even drink that much yesterday. But no, she listens, nodding along, thinking about it.
"...Yes," Lily answers, "There is a trick to it, in my experience. I was always able to do more than one, but it took me time to do ice--and then it took me longer to do the golden fire you've seen me do. It's not enough just to want to do the spell differently, to come up with a different element. You have to find the right way to channel the energy--it has to 'feel' different. ...Faraway lightning may be a matter of practice, but fire?"
"...Ice feels different from fire feels different from darkness feels different from light. Light, I learned recently; it's a matter of holding the energy in, until it feels like it's set to burst, burns almost. Fire... Fire is simple for me; I simply want it, and it comes, though control took a great deal of learning. Darkness..."
Lily glances to Xantia, "I have to channel my anger, for darkness. My hate, my rage. What do you... 'feel', when you channel lightning?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
There are limits to Xantia's cheating - but she's darted around the topic if there were any questions about it. That healing came from the most unlikely of circumstances, and she promised not to tell. Given that she's utterly failed at keeping things secret once she started talking about them, not talking about them at all seems like the best call. As is only fair, she's also not about to ask Lily about what happened to aggravate those injuries. It's safe to assume that she did notice that, as she hasn't exactly made a secret of paying close attention to Lily's general condition whenever she gets the chance.
Besides, it's not like Xantia exactly minds to put all the focus of attention on the matter of magic. She knows very little about the theory behind it, everything she's used Ether for so far just kind of... coming out when it was needed. Which explains the initial answer to the question of how she feels when channeling lightning. "It feels tingly! But it doesn't hurt. Well, it doesn't me."
That childish enthusiasm abruptly diminishes, even if her smile doesn't. "...But that's not what you're asking about, is it?" Sounds like emotions are strongly tied to this. She has no ready answer for that part of the equation, thinking for a short moment before she shrugs. "I guess my lightning is like your fire, I don't really need to think about it much. It just happens when I want it to."
She doesn't look like she's quite done mulling it over yet, rubbing her chin as she thinks back. "The first time I used it, I was fighting someone else who used lightning. I couldn't get through his lightning barrier, so I..." What is it she was thinking at the time, exactly? Another thing she has to answer with a shrug. "I don't know what I was thinking, maybe I wasn't thinking at all. I just reached into that barrier, and suddenly the lightning was all around me. I didn't even realize I was the one who made that lightning happen at the time."
Her pensive expression melting back into a smile once more, she adds, "From the sounds of it, I think maybe darkness isn't something I can do." No regret in her voice about that. Ice may be her least favorite, but darkness isn't high on the list of things that seem particularly fun to use.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily is not the type to pry without reason. Xantia simply heals quickly; it's fine. ...She appreciates that it goes both ways. She isn't interested in talking about it.
Magic--magic interests her more. The truth is that Lily is not a theory-level expert either; Solaris's categorization of Ether abilities are something she's never studied. She only has what she knows, what she's experienced. ...And she nods, when Xantia seems to realize it.
"It's good to know that it tingles. ...Fire feels warm, for me. I'm not so lucky as you on that front, though; it took me years to learn not to burn myself using it."
"All right. That's good--that finds your baseline element, your basic affinity. That's useful; it means that you'll have better luck with related or opposite effects, most likely." She pauses. "I've always been able to use more than one element--if you tell me you can, I have no reason to doubt you. Many in Gebler seem to have fewer... But who knows?"
She watches Xantia thoughtfully, remembering that particular match. "Yes," she agrees. "...Reach out... Using Ether... it doesn't have to be about thinking. But remember how that feels--to reach. If you want to extend it, you'll have to take hold of your own effect, and push it further."
She actually smiles back, not a big smile but one that's clear for a moment. "That's not a bad thing, to be honest. You were considering fire..."
She trails off. "Maybe you can focus on exciting the air before you--start with your hand. I'll heal you or you can heal yourself if it goes poorly. Just imagine energy starting there, and push, make the air bubble with heat."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Perhaps Xantia is familiar with the theory, but if so, she obviously doesn't remember any of it. She only wishes she knew how she first learned to do the whole Ether thing. Because that's something she feels absolutely sure about: that time in the tournament wasn't an awakening, more like a reawakening.
That being the case, when Lily admits to it having taken time before she could handle fire without getting burned, she responds, "Maybe it took me years, too." That's all she says, but the implication of 'I just forgot about those years' is clear enough. Not about to get stuck on that point, she scratches her head, finding something awkward to share in turn. "Well... at first I didn't know it wasn't a good idea to do it around water. That was pretty painful. ...Until I figured out how to do that without getting hurt by it." Ether doesn't have to make logical sense if you don't want it to, is the lesson we should be taking away from this.
One thing's for sure, being able to do things like that makes it a pretty sure bet she has particularly strong affinity with lightning. But when presented with the notion that it's more common to have access to only one element, she's quick to confirm, "I'm positive that I'm not limited like that." She almost didn't sound like herself, saying that. That's because she's echoing someone else's words, and feels she has no reason to doubt them.
She considers what's said about reaching, part of the equation that she never thought about much before. Combining that with the request to try doing fire, Xantia extends her arm, figuring physically reaching will help. "Like this?" she asks, before turning her arm so that it isn't pointing directly at Lily. That could be bad, if this works. Nothing happened yet, but she still apologizes, "Oh, sorry!"
She starts her attempt to focus on her outstretched hand, after that. It doesn't look like she has the hang of this however, as after a whole lot of nothing, what happens is the air around her hand crackling and igniting in tiny sparks, Ether manifesting in the form of lightning again. She frowns, and lets out a discouraged sigh, lowering her hand. "I'm doing it wrong, aren't I? What am I missing?"
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Knowledge that one doesn't remember acquiring--Lily knows what that is like. ...She finds though, that she says something insensitive--she notices only after the fact, glancing to Xantia. "...Maybe you did," she answers, a note of apology in her voice. "...That... would be a concern," Lily admits, and looks out into nothing for a moment. "Practice does it."
Lily has a feeling about Xantia's affinity, too. When she says she's positive, Lily lifts an eyebrow. "All right," she says. "Then that's good. It means that what we're trying to do is possible." Whose words would they be, Lily finds herself wondering? Maybe it's not her business.
She lifts an eyebrow again when Xantia reaches out to her in particular. "It's fine," she says, shaking her head, and waits. Lily has her hands in her jacket pockets still, studying the space at Xantia's hand, studying the 'feel' around her. "...Yes," Lily says. "You have to hold yourself, with it--you're letting the lightning flow. You need to hold that down to let the other element have the chance to work."
She considers. "...Here. This might help." Lily takes her left hand out of her pocket, and the colorful circuits along the backs of her hands pulse faintly, before she puts her hand palm-up. "...I want you to reach out, like you did with the lightning. Take the fire. Let yourself feel its harmony... Feel its nature. And try to take it for yourself."
A merrily crackling fireball appears in her hand, fist-sized. Lily's fingers curl lightly towards it, and her markings turn a merry orange-red.
"...It's not thinking. It's feeling. You try."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia isn't taking any offense, as much as it obviously bothers her to have so many insecurities regarding her past. It's a conscious effort to gloss over that, and focus on the present. Then again, if she was being completely honest, even this decision to learn more about Ether is ultimately motivated by wanting to find more about herself and what she can do. Hoping against hope that the next thing she learns will be the thing that triggers something in her mind and leads to the answers she seeks.
Lily actually may be able to puzzle out who convinced Xantia her limits are greater than this. After all, she let slip previously how she learned about Lily's power being the same as hers from Id. It's not a big stretch of the imagination to assume that all this, too, may be happening because Id suggested it.
But as for right now, it's difficult to see what Id saw, just from what Xantia is doing. Like a novice, she whines, "But I don't know how to stop the lightning, it's just... what happens when I focus like this." In her defense, it's hard to change what you're doing when you have no idea what you're doing at the best of times. One would think that would actually make it easy for her to just feel without thinking. And yet...
Xantia looks at those circuitry patterns running along Lily's skin, and you can just see her thinking. How does she know about those? Why do they look so familiar? It's hard to just... turn thoughts like that off. Still, she says nothing, and attempts to do as Lily says. Once again physically extending her hand, towards the flame, and attempting to concentrate. Again, nothing happens for quite some time. Until - it's faint enough to perhaps be coincidence - the flame flickers a tiny bit...
...And at the same time, Xantia closes her outstretched palm, closing her eyes for a moment before reopening them, and standing up straight. "...Sorry, I'm really distracted. There's something different about those patterns from the last time I saw them, and I can't stop thinking about it."
She really does pay very close attention to Lily's condition. Especially where it comes to that.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily, as Xantia has likely noticed, is not exactly at her best--distracted herself, distant more even than usual, pensive. ...But the last thing she'll hold against someone is wanting to learn of their abilities, wanting to learn what they are. It's something she, too, wonders, something she, too, doesn't have answers to.
...She pieces together the Id connection fairly easily, but doesn't bring it up. Xantia seemed to want to operate as if it were secret, and Lily doesn't talk much about Id either. ...Id, after all, has told her a few things, too.
"That's right. You'll need to analyze that feeling, think about the sensation of channeling lightning. That's how to change."
She pauses; she notices Xantia's scrutiny, of course. The markings are obvious; not only are they not broken, as they once were, but they've clearly spread; across her clavicle, partway up her throat, and perhaps farther covered by fabric. They are intricate, all right angles and perpendicular lines.
But Lily feels it--she is disciplined, she can hold the fire a long time, preventing it from moving. But she feels the flicker. "Good," she starts, and then pauses, looking to Xantia. She--well, she looks surprised, frankly, caught off-guard.
"You.." She starts, shakes her head. "Ah, what do you... mean?" she asks, the fireball disappearing as she cradles her hurt hand in the other, self-conscious of Xantia's attention.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
It's more than understandable to be distracted. A lot's been going on as of late, and that's just speaking of the bigger picture. If you add whatever personal matters into the mix, few would probably be at their best right now. Xantia is no exception, even before she found something new to be distracted by just now. They don't usually keep her from the ongoing quest for her past, but sometimes...
Xantia's concentration is quite effectively broken, by sudden concern for another. Lily asks what she means, which causes Xantia to cant her hand, looking confused. "You know what I mean." Dang, she even noticed that. She's normally so easily misled, what's going on here? Is this Xantia's twin sister after all?
Still, this red-haired person who is presumably Xantia taps the bottom section of her own throat, explaining, "They weren't as high up before." And then immediately launching into a Xantia-style waterfall of questions. "What's going on? Is this a bad thing? Did you do anything unusual? Did you know that could happen? Does it feel any different?"
Sure seems like she has a whole lot more questions than she has answers about this. Which doesn't help the level of concern it's clearly causing.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily doesn't much like displaying vulnerability--hence the concern catching her off-guard, making her uncomfortable at first. Xantia says Lily knows what she means, and Lily finds that she does. ...Xantia seems to be exactly perceptive enough sometimes, no matter her usual demeanor.
"Ah..."
It's certainly a waterfall of questions. Lily blinks at them, hesitating, an unusual expression to see on the usually-composed woman. She glances to the side, some of her black hair falling into her face. It's... definitely causing concern.
"...You're right," Lily answers, without quite looking at Xantia. "They've been spreading, again. ...And it's getting more uncomfortable to conceal them. I don't know why. It feels... a little different."
"They used to only appear when I cast," she explains, as she has before. "...After the first time I faced Gryndille, they remained, like they were burned into my skin. Then, ever since... they've been slowly spreading, except for the time that they were broken."
When they kiiind of did anyway.
"Maybe it's as I use more of my power? ...Maybe it happened because I... drew on that other power, the one that changes me. I don't know."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia doesn't get much less concerned about this, given that the explanations given make it obvious that Lily doesn't know exactly what this means any more than she does. She falls quiet, her left hand raising while she listens. Perhaps subconsciously, Xantia's starting biting her nails. Looking closely at her hands would reveal that if this is a habit, it's only ever one finger - the ring finger of her left hand - that being the only finger without a nail to speak of.
She stops this when Lily's response ends, instead starting to pace back and forth for a short moment, before shaking her head. "I don't... know what it means. Or, if I knew, I don't know it now. But..." She looks back in Lily's direction, that concern still clearly evident. "...I could put it back together, but I don't think I can stop this. If it's something that should be stopped. It's just, I have a bad feeling. They shouldn't stay visible like that at all to begin with, and now this..."
She doesn't even notice that she just said another thing she feels really sure about, without having any idea why that is. She's just a little too upset for that. Instead, she asks, "Other power? What other power is that?" She's not so versed in Ether that she'd recognize a difference even if she'd seen it happen.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily prefers to give off the sense that she knows things, in general, that she is secure, competent, self-sufficient. Maybe it's a bad day; maybe it's just this subject. ...But she, too, can be perceptive, and she glances to Xantia's hand. One finger; the ring finger of her left hand. What might that mean...? Is she missing a ring?
When Xantia paces, Lily shoves her hands back into her pockets, slouching again. "...You've already done a lot," she says, firmly. "If you hadn't repaired... whatever these are, then I doubt I'd be alive right now. You don't have to do more than that."
She looks down. A bad feeling.
"...It's just not something that I understand," Lily admits. "But..." Xantia does seem sure--sure enough that Lily questions it. But when she asks about power?
"...When I... transform. It's... some sort of... deeper power, that I can tap into, that gets past the clutter, that lets me... It's hard to describe. The markings spread, I grow energetic wings... And my power output rises significantly."
"I found I could do it without expecting it; it's like I just... stopped holding something back, during the rematch with Gryndille. But I don't entirely understand it, either."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia smiles faintly when reminded of how she helped before. She just doesn't agree with not having to do more than that. She just feels that much more responsible. Even if she doesn't understand why she knows what she does about this to begin with. Besides, she didn't do all that just to see things end up badly anyway. "...It's not enough to be alive right now. I want you to stay alive."
Just a simple statement of fact, as far as she's concerned. Which makes it all the more frustrating that she doesn't know if this is dangerous to Lily, and if it is, what she could do about it. And it really feels like she should. Impossible standards perhaps, but when there's this much at stake, it feels like the only appropriate standards.
The matter of deeper power causes Xantia to frown again, looking down as she tries her best to force something out of the foggy corners of her mind. But it's no use. She only comes to one realization: "Is that what you did at the castle?" She noticed that, too. She just didn't realize that was anything super unusual. And possibly dangerous, but she can't be sure. And would be a pretty massive hypocrite if she advised anybody to not do anything they don't completely understand.
Instead, she steps closer to Lily with a gravely serious expression, hands clasped together and making but one request. "If you start to feel like... something's wrong, and you think it has to do with those markings. Please, come to me. I don't know if I can do anything to help, but, if there is, I'll do whatever I can."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
It's how Lily is, really. ...Just like it's how Xantia is.
"..." Lily glances down, nods once. "...I believe that," she answers quietly. It's a deep statement; it may sound simple, but to hear it... It matters. To hear that wish.
"It is," Lily answers about the castle. "I did it there; it makes me feel like... it's all at my fingertips. I can just wave my hand and the world changes. It's hard to beat that feeling."
She keeps looking down. She quiets, and says nothing at all for a long few moments as she tries to figure out what she will say. Xantia is so, so serious, and Lily's expression softens, a rare moment of vulnerability from the laconic woman.
"...All right," she answers eventually. "Thank you." That raw, genuine moment of emotion is hard for Lily to follow up at first.
"...I'm..." A shake of her head, "It's been a while. Since I've felt..." She trails off, stops. "Thank you."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia smiles, and nods eagerly in approval. It's so nice when she can see eye to eye with people. Perhaps others wouldn't look at this pair and see many similarities, but Xantia frankly doesn't see that many differences. That really matter, anyway. No point in sweating the small stuff, like how much you look alike, how much you act alike, or how willing you are to kill people.
She does look a little puzzled at Lily's description of what it's like to do... this special thing she does. This feeling she describes, feeling powerful. It only makes her wonder, "...Is that really so great?" She looks off to the side for a moment, recalling, "I used to wish I didn't have all this power. To not be so different from everyone else." Her smile isn't usually absent for very long, and this time, too, returns quickly. "I'm okay with it now though. I mean, it'd be pretty silly to ask for magic lessons I didn't actually want. I do want to get stronger, but for me it's more about... learning about myself. I can understand that much."
Whether it's about that for Lily as well is another one of those small things she isn't going to worry about. She's not about to actively discourage it, either way.
She does notice enough of a difference in Lily's demeanor to wonder if something's wrong, especially after not finishing that sentence. This prompts a quizzical expression as she points out, "You don't have to thank me. ...twice. Are you alright?" She leans in a bit, to see if examining Lily's face more closely provides her with any more clues.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily might see a few similarities--but she tends to feel a lot of differences between her, and others. She keeps her head down, but goes still, listening harder at the talk of what Xantia used to wish. What she thought about... Whether it was such a great thing.
"...I've never wanted it gone," Lily admits. "It's... freedom. It's who I am. When I couldn't use it, it was the same as if I'd broken a limb. Worse."
"...But I understand, feeling different. And... Well, I want to understand myself, too. It's one thing I never have. If I can learn more about this power... Then I can learn more about myself. What it means..."
She doesn't do more than glance sidelong at Xantia pointing it out, but Xantia leans in close enough that she can see Lily having difficulty expressing herself. Her eyes if anything look a little more liquid than usual; it's clear, this close, that the sorceress is tired.
"...It's just..." She trails off, shakes her head. "I'm fine. I appreciate it, is all. It's not easy for me to talk about that kind of thing."
"Emotions... Sometimes I feel like I've killed most of mine. But maybe not all."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia rubs the back of her neck, feeling a bit awkward at the realization, "Right, right, I guess it would be a little different for you..." She knows that Lily needs this power, so it matters in a greater way than it would for most. She may not be able to fully understand what that feels like. But at least some measure of common ground is found, which keeps her from feeling too awkward about it.
Rather than such complex thoughts, she's far more at home in the realm of talking about whatever comes to mind, which is pretty clear from the fact that it's hard to quiet her down once she really gets going. So hearing that it's not easy for Lily to talk about a thing prompts a brief frown of confusion as Xantia draws her head back. "Really?" Spoken with the disbelief of someone who'd follow that up with 'but talking is easy!' But instead, she says, "I didn't notice that at all."
For all the things she's managed to be so perceptive about, this apparently isn't one of them. Or... perhaps it's because she has a way of making people talk more than they usually would. Of course she wouldn't notice certain behavioral traits, if they don't tend to manifest as clearly in her presence.
Perhaps it's an extension of that which makes her conclude, with a shake of her head, "It doesn't look that way to me. It's not like everybody shows their emotions the same way."
She blinks, and gets a little agitated. "...They don't, right? Or do they? Is everyone supposed to do that, did I get that wrong?"
No matter how many insightful things she may say, in the end this is still Xantia, a girl unsure about the most basic things sometimes.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
It's an important insight--and an important difference. ...But not one that has to be dividing. Lily notices, realizes the difference too, though she doesn't show as much awkwardness over it. "...Yes," she agrees instead, and if anything the little moment of thinking about it helps some. But--
'Really?' Lily hesitates then, preparing exactly for what Xantia doesn't say. So of course, Lily turns towards Xantia and blinks at her in surprise, as if trying to read her expression and finding nothing. Didn't notice?
"I--ah..."
Apparently it isn't one. ...But then, Xantia does help even Lily talk a bit more. Still, at her statement--her question--
Lily shakes her head, a small smile on her face. "No," she agrees. "They don't. You're doing fine, Xantia."
"You're doing fine."