2018-08-13: My Best Mask
- Log: My Best Mask
- Cast: Riesenlied, Noeline
- Where: A shared dream
- Date: 13th August 2018
- Summary: Noeline descends into Riesenlied's mind to explore a promise with an unnamed Hyadean...
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
In another time, in another place...
Riesenlied promised Noeline in the midst of a poisoned fever that she wanted to share all that she is to her. And in the midst of her sleep... one thing leads to another -- an empathic presence reaching out towards Noeline's newly Guardian-infused senses...
And there they are, descending down into a small quiet room that's all too familiar. Cold, but not physically so -- the withering, barren weather of Arctica at its worst. The shattered furniture and upholstery of the Fereshte. The ankh of life, broken behind them in the distance...
And Unit -- the little Hyadean within the dream... currently wearing no mask, having no face to call her own. Seated upon that chair in the midst of the room.
"... noeline ...?"
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline isn't sure whether the spark of power that starts it all is her own or Riesenlied's - but it doesn't really matter in the end, she supposes, wearing a lopsided smile as she lets herself drift down into the mindscape. Thanks to her improved senses, the fall is reasonably controlled, and the Hyadean's awareness a great deal better than she ever would have expected.
In the back of her mind, she has to wonder whether she's just going to be a lucid dreamer from now on.
When she lands, it's with the tiniest amount of snow thrown up, as if any more would disrupt the dream around them, and then she straightens up to offer the little Unit that smile instead. "... hello," she greets, chuckling as she wonders what else to add. "It seems I came to visit."
She walks forward slowly, not wanting to spook the girl. Noeline's sense of her own identity is strong and immediate enough that she's wearing the familiar armored dress she has been for the last few months - but she grabs for a cloak that wasn't there a moment ago, pulling it from her back to instead wrap around the girl's shoulders, kneeling down as she does so.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
The Unit's own identity, in contrast, is fractured and thin. She's much smaller than Riesenlied, the size of a ten year old girl... which seems to embody more a sense of diminished self rather than any sort of factual physical existence.
"... i wanted to see you ... so badly ..."
The voice sounds like a mixture between the waking Riesenlied's and a synthesizer set to 'heavy industrial', chirping and tinning at places.
She squeaks for a moment as the cloak goes around her. It's familiar, like the time she draped a cloak around her on the way to Uzda il-Jam...
... around her ...?
"... i didn't prepare my best mask for you ..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Were it the waking world, Noeline might bop her partner on the arm for a statement like that - but for all that the metal demon can be a bit thoughtless at times, she's definitely come a long way when it comes to caring for people, especially those whose names start with 'Riesenlie' and end with 'd'. Or 'Uni' and 't', as it might be.
Either way, boisterousness isn't going to work here. Instead, she closes her eyes, letting out a breath as her hands trail down to take the girl's into hers. "I'm sorry I was late - but you know, you only have to call and I'll come running," she laughs quietly to herself. "I always do, these days."
She hesitates for a moment at the last comment from Unit, and has to frown for a moment as she considers her own response. "... you don't have to wear a mask around me, if you don't want to. Rather, you don't always have to show me your best. You've already seen me be flighty and rude and angry, after all," she risks teasing gently, looking at the girl steadily from her position and not turning away. "Besides, talking like this is nice as well, hm?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... you're so caring ..."
It's a testament to Noeline and Riesenlied's relationship, perhaps, that she can still sense so much of what she knows as 'Riesenlied' in 'Unit'. As much as the little, nameless Hyadean inside believes herself to be separate entities, the truth isn't so clean, after all...
She holds Noeline's hand and bashfully says, "... i like ... i like all of you. when you're angry, when you're frustrated ... when you're laughing and reading and making ... making me feel ..."
She fidgets for a moment, obviously and terribly shy. "... but am i ..." A pause. "i'm not the person you became attracted to, though ..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
On the other hand, it may also be Noeline oversimplifying a little. It isn't quite an assumption, and it's not something she does purposefully, but for someone who's always prided herself on knowing her own mind it's difficult for the Hyadean to separate the girl she's knelt in front of to the woman she's lying next to in the waking world, especially not with the similarities between them.
She's patient as Unit struggles to get words out; her eyebrows lift and her smile turns warmer as the girl continues onwards, letting out a soft chuckle. "... I know I can be rather a handful at times, but... thank you. That means a great deal," she adds genuinely - there's not really any room for pretence here. "Rest assured, I won't be going anywhere."
Her hand goes to the other girl's hair, brushing through it gently; it gives her a chance to consider her words once more. "... are you sure? A mask might be a mask, but it still reflects the person underneath. At least, that's what I think," she muses for a moment, then shakes her head. "Just as a relationship isn't complete the moment it starts. You keep learning about each other - keep seeing different sides to them. And what kind of partner would I be to turn away from that?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Unit rather seems smitten, in exactly that way that a young girl forms her first crush and holds onto it tightly and never lets go. The kind of crush she'd let blossom onto the pages of a diary and cling tightly and never show anyone, but cherish all the same.
"... you're never a problem to me ..." whispers Unit as she clings onto that cloak, onto that hand ever tighter. She's mollified by the knowledge that Noeline isn't going anywhere.
"... do you think so ...? but i thought... you know... well... how did it start, then?" Unit sounds like she's struggling a little, to reconcile. "... maybe if we started with how i... aah, but that's private..."
A pause, as she hesitates... then makes her decision.
The scene shifts, and it's visibly the Photosphere. The young newly christened of Siegfried, Riesenlied, is pacing through the alleyways of the place. She's draped with the mantle of Sigmund, shortened for her stature.
She quietly peeks around a corner, heart beating as she looks for a neonate she's seen and heard of...
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"... well... perhaps that is the wrong way to put it," Noeline huffs to herself softly, but gives the girl in front of her a smile nonetheless. "But right here and right now, your worries and your fears - the way you express them, and your consideration for others - are all very familiar to me. At the very least, you are both part of the same whole - and that means I care," she adds, quiet but insistent.
The scene around them shifts quickly, though, and Noeline falls silent as she takes it in. Whatever Unit wishes to show her, she's not about to break that trust, or interrupt something that the little Hyadean deems so important. Even then, she can't help but make a very faint noise of surprise at their surrounds; it's been a very long while, but the scene is terribly familiar to her.
The corridor that Riesenlied is peeking down in quiet and empty, at least at first - but past the thrum of the Photosphere there's a soft shuffling noise that heralds a neonate rounding the corner. The figure is much too slight for most Metal Demons, more or less the same size as Riesenlied herself; it doesn't help that one foot is being dragged, as if she's wounded.
But the eyes that peek out from under the mess of loose, dark hair are unmistakably bright, their spirit not dimmed at all. Whatever else the harsh treatment from her fellow neonates is teaching the young Noeline, giving up isn't part of it.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... i'm familiar to you ...?" Unit whispers to herself, clutching her free -- Draconic -- hand to her chest. It's crooked and misshapen, just like a certain delegate of Wayside's. She looks up bashfully towards that smile again. "... you care ..."
The way she gathers up each word as if they're precious gemstones, the way she reminisces on them as they linger in the air... it's rather obviously very fond.
"... i lost my name. but then i gained another one. when i met ... him ... a really important person in my life ..."
A pause, as she watches. Riesenlied's chest is thumping hard as she watches the young, slight Metal Demon. She bites her lip and tucks her arms a little closer around her cloak, hurrying away as young Noeline limps down the alleyway and-- whimpers for a moment.
She places a canister of healing gel, the kind used to clot wounding in Metal Demons, in the middle of the street, then hides behind another corner.
"... i was too scared to say hello ..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"... I know I do not say it often enough," Noeline mutters, feeling a little rueful as she sneaks her fingers around even that draconic hand, clasping it gently. "And-- certainly I have never had a chance to say it so directly, I suppose. But rest assured, I care," she repeats, born of the impulse of wanting to see the girl in front of her quietly light up one more time.
Looking back up, she watches 'herself' stumble down the corridor, the quiet light of nostalgia in her eyes; much of her has changed over the years, but the eyes remain the same, and she huffs a soft breath of air past the lump that's suddenly in her throat.
"... I remember. The neonates whispered about it - that Siegfried had taken someone under his wing at last," Noeline sounds out as if she's reciting a long-lost memory. The younger her stops at the unexpected gift; a flicker of suspicion runs across the young spy's face, as if she's worried this might be yet another trap. She looks left and right before slowly picking it up, every muscle in her body tense and prepared to flee - before she quietly tucks it away.
"For many of them, it was unthinkable that Siegfried would show such favour," the older version narrates, and then drops her head to chuckle - right as her younger version sneaks up to the corner, far more stealthily than expected given her wounds, and then stares around it directly at the tiny Riesenlied. "... for me, I remember thinking our positions weren't all that different," Noeline chuckles.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Perhaps the sight of little Unit lighting up is a little too literal, because the only way she can emote is from the little point of light at the centre of her gaping face that corrupts like a soundwave does, and turns different colours. "... you do more than enough ..."
There's a fondness as she leans, the room getting a bit warmer as its owner understands instinctively that she's safe. The ice begins to melt away as they watch.
"... but it was a /tainted/ that lord siegfried favoured. a lot of people were very, very angry," answers Unit. "some say he had gone mad. berserk was beside himself for a while. then many people died because of it."
Riesenlied lets out a little pip of surprise as Noeline sneaks around her, and she shyly tucks away into herself and her horns deflate further. Even back then, her horns were an object of great animation, in exchange for how timorous her face can be.
"H-hello. Good evening..." speaks the young Riesenlied as she embarrassedly tries to move past young Noeline.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline watches it fondly regardless - she has to wonder if she could be this calm were it anyone else, but there's something about the girl's timid nature and her similarity to the Riesenlied that Noeline knows that makes the unusual sight far easier to handle. Not to mention, a playful bit at the back of her mind does wonder what would happen if she tried to stroke the other girl's cheek... but it's hardly the time.
Instead, she shuffles forwards a little on her knees, the better to lean the smaller girl against her in a more full hug. Whether the ice melting is a good thing or not, she's not terribly sure - she's yet to really pin down whether this place is a good influence or a bad one, and very much aware it's not something that can be boiled down that easily.
"... you cannot blame yourself for that," she cautions quietly. "That was Siegfried's choice. If others were not willing to trust his judgement, that is on them and not on anyone else." The words are solemn - even now, Noeline can barely bring herself to think of the dead Quarter Knight - but there's a conviction in her words.
The young Noeline lets the other girl slip by her in silence, watching her as if she's trying to figure out both Riesenlied's identity and the act of kindness; it's only once the other girl is out in the open that there's a quiet "Thank you, ma'am."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
What, indeed? Certainly Unit's very extravagantly emotional reactions would be a sight to see, but there's certainly a lot about her where she's still somewhat scared that she's taking a 'relationship' that isn't 'hers'...
It's a work in progress, and there's a time and a place for everything.
"... i know, but i can still feel bad that people died ..."
The young Riesenlied's lips squiggle for a moment as she sucks in a breath at that expression of gratitude. The cloak is... admittedly not very well known, given that it's a cloak worn in human lands. But the horns, and the blonde hair... as one of the few Metal Demons with a distinctly human appearance, albeit marred by scales?
"... you were hurt, and I needed to--" she clears her throat, rising to height as she tries to look the part of something... something she isn't. "I just wish to look after my peers." The imperiousness doesn't really work with how red her cheeks are. "... and please, just call me Riesenlied."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"... of course," agrees Noeline quietly. She doesn't push her luck, or try to push Unit too far - the hug is just that, offered as it is, even if such a thing is rather rare for Noeline on the whole. "Feeling bad for others is an important thing to do. Even if you worry a little /too/ much from time to time," she teases gently, offering a quiet grin as she again compares Riesenlied and Unit in her mind, "I wouldn't want you to give that up. At the same time, I'm here to help remind you it's not your fault. That's all."
She looks up again, watching quietly with a huff of faint amusement. The younger Noeline is wary, of course; it takes her a long moment of sizing Riesenlied up before she speaks again, not least because of what the cloak around the other metal demon's soldiers actually signifies. "You know, I remember wondering: how much does she get pushed around? How much does she get whispered about?" the elder wonders. "She looked... much too kind for the Photosphere, even then."
"... Noeline," the image finally admits, stepping out from the corner to face Riesenlied fully. She's got her head down a little in a bow, but her eyes are studying the other girl intently, trying to pick out the differences in their makeup. She was designed to look human-like from the ground up, but Riesenlied-- she isn't all that sure what the other girl is, nor what to say, and she ends up glancing down at the gift in her hands. "... ... don't listen to what anyone else says," she mutters, meant as advice rather than a warning.
Propping her chin atop Unit's head, Noeline heaves out a theatrical sigh. "Ugh, I was so awkward! Just talk already!" she pouts.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
There is someone there, someone who understands the weight of being taught and favoured by the Quarter Knight Siegfried. Someone who understands well the kind of clout she can push around if she wanted to -- and at the same time, the kind of person she can become if she does;
The kind of person she doesn't want to be at all.
Unit yelps as Noeline sinks her chin ontop of her. She's pretty cuddleable with that size. "... we didn't... for a very long time..."
The young Riesenlied has that reserved air about her, maintaining regality in all moments. There is an expectation that shouldn't be broken, after all, even if she knows -- and the Photosphere in large wants her to remember -- that she is Tainted, and not any kind of perceived royalty just due to favour.
"... I will evaluate for myself, based upon my own eyes and ears," Riesenlied expresses. It sounds like something someone taught her, something a child sounds proud of saying.
"You-- may well wish to steer clear of me, after all. I am Tainted; we come from the Gutter," Riesenlied expresses.
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"The Gutter's just a place," Noeline mouths under her breath, at the same time as the girl in front of her says it out loud. The older version says it with nostalgia, the lower with a quiet petulance. "At least the Tainted don't call me 'human' and try to beat me." Even as wounded as the young neonate is, there's still a quiet determination in her eyes; her choice of words seems very specific, the way she stresses the words to indicate she's not beaten yet.
She straightens up a moment later, as she seems to realize who she's talking to - and bows her head, rubbing at her hair in a more muted but still familiar manner. "... I'm sorry, ma'am."
"--well!" huffs the elder one as she rocks back from Unit a little, if only to flash her a grin. "I suppose, when you're kids, you're allowed to be a little foolish. I bet things would have been pretty different if we'd just talked a little more, hm? Not that I'm unhappy at how they turned out."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... we made it work ... but it was all of us that made it work. that was the wayside i ..."
A pause, as Unit sounds conflicted and troubled. "... the wayside riesenlied fell in love with ... the wayside she wants to represent ...? do i not want... that ...?"
She struggles, for a moment, latching onto the scene as a way to focus her own thoughts. The young Riesenlied lets out another sigh as she expresses, "You do not have to call me ma'am. I am only a scant -- forty years older than you or so." Particularly the blink of an eye by Metal Demon standards.
But she quietly acknowledges that radical thought, that the Gutter is just a place, and the Tainted doesn't call her 'human' and beat her up.
She bows her head as she turns and steps one way-- heart thumping a little more as that regal demeanor melts away to bashfulness as she turns the corner.
"... i was wearing more and more masks ... i was not being truthful ..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline furrows her brow, but she doesn't know quite what to say to the girl in her arms just yet; instead, she watches the tail end of the scene, as Riesenlied slips around a corner and leaves a younger version of herself quietly uncertain of what to say or do in response. It takes the neonate a few more moments to wonder what exactly just happened, before she looks down at the gift still in her arms, and cradles it to herself just a little. "... Riesenlied, then," she mutters to herself, before turning to scurry away to one of her hideaways.
In the silence afterwards, the Crimson Noble lets out a quiet sigh, picking at her hair ever so slightly. "... I don't think there's anything wrong in wearing masks - or hiding behind them when you have doubts or fears. I don't think it's wrong to bend yourself when necessary, either. Still..."
Puffing out a breath, she fixes the little Unit with a lopsided but fond smile, shaking her head. "... you've always been in a tough position. Trapped between two sides - trapped between loyalties - and then shaken about every which way on top of that. That requires a lot of faith - something I didn't think I could even give, until Riesenlied came along to show me otherwise."
For some reason, she's feeling nervous about what she wants to say next; she hesitates, and then shakes her head. "You can be truthful to me," the Hyadean eventually says, keeping her tone quiet. "I promise. No matter what you want, no matter how silly or unusual it might sound. I'll accept it, and I'll understand it. Perhaps we can even work towards it a little more."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... it's about ... how much you do it, isn't it? 'moderation in all things'..." the little Unit muses, as she watches the rest of the scene play out. The quiet Riesenlied is descending down upon one of the elevators, moving towards her own humble hovel where she lives with the rest of the Tainted.
A very little Dragon called Odjn slams herself onto her face when she opens the door, squeaking. Wow, now /that/ is something to tease Odjn about later.
"... who was i living for ...?"
It's a very abrupt and random question, but it makes her think of it. "... for the tainted, for everyone in the gutter ... for the memory of the girl who still lives here ... for father, or... for you..."
She hesitates for a moment, and then nods quietly. "... okay. that's... that's a start." Her little point of light shines a bit brighter. "... let's work together ... i don't want to ever disappear from your life ... so ..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
"... there was a time when I was living for Mother. Then there was a time when I was living for myself," answers Noeline after she's done watching a tiny Odjn crash into Riesenlied in an open display of affection; it makes her huff with clear amusement, before she turns her head away with a mild bashfulness as she continues. "For a while... I'll admit I was living for Riesenlied alone. Now, I have the Tainted to live for, not to mention a whole family - and both of those includes you, of course," she makes sure to add before for the little Hyadean can worry differently.
"All those different people-- I know full well that sometimes, your loyalties can tug you in different directions. Sometimes, it can be hard to figure out what to do. But the 'you' I know is someone who, every step of the way, has cared for and worried over others until her heart bled for it," Noeline claims quietly as she faces that gaping face once more, her expression solemn. "Whether it was under Siegfried as a soldier of the Photosphere, or as the leader of Wayside, or as the mother of a dozen children... or as my partner. To my eyes, that part of you does not come from any mask."
The seriousness dies in a moment as the other girl lights up a little, and Noeline can't help but feel a quiet stab of pride at the sight. "... of course. I'll be back to talk with you, I promise. And... thank you for showing me," she adds as she gently bows her head.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"... i never really understood ..."
The little Unit pauses as she watches the end of that scene as she lowers her head. "... what it means to have so many different people ... was i wrong? did i misunderstand something?"
A pause.
"... i'm still figuring out the answer ... after all of this," the little Unit admits.
She withers a little closer, into herself.
"... what if ... what if i was just ..."
The room turns cold again, as she gets closer to a truth she finds uncomfortable. A fact that she has been waffling around for so long.
"... what if i was just trying to keep someone alive in my heart ...?"
A pause, as she lets that linger as Noeline gently bids her farewell, or what passes as one for the little Unit. "... yeah ... you should go back to her-- to..."
She hesitates. "... i'll think about it ... i promise too. we'll see each other again ..."
<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.
Noeline glances to one side as the temperature drops; she frowns a little, but forces her expression to stay light as she turns back. "... all it means... is that you have a lot of people who are important to you. A lot of people who you've touched. That isn't a bad thing," she gently points out, and reaches out to pat the girl on the head. "Nor is wanting to hang onto things, or being sentimental. Some would call it a strength," she chuckles quietly.
Closing her eyes, the Hyadean lets out a quiet breath. "... alright. But if you ever need me, just reach for me," she notes, and tilts her head as she risks a brief grin and a wink. "And, in the meantime, I'm sure I'll be worrying over you."
"... don't lose heart, alright?" she adds as the scenery around them begins to shift and waver. The last thing she manages - to as to spare Unit the embarrassment in front of Noeline - is an affectionate kiss amongst the smaller girl's hair.
--and then she's letting out an enormous yawn against Riesenlied's shoulder, sitting up a little in bed; her hair is down and rather mussed as she blinks at the lack of sunlight, wondering what time of the night it is. "Mmmg."