2018-10-02: It's Okay to be Scared

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  • Log: It's Okay to be Scared
  • Cast: Lydia Seren, Riesenlied, Noeline
  • Where: New Petra
  • Date: 2nd October 2018
  • Summary: Riesenlied and Noeline check in on Lydia... with cake!

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia Seren received the silver medium for Rigdobrite recently and seemed to take it pretty well. She accepted congratulations, bashfully but hardly in a panic, said some words she felt was inspiring, and then went back to Old New Petra. She wasn't particularly wounded so she was able to get back to work pretty quickly. This went well eonugh for a while before she slowed down suddenly, excused herself, and went to her room.

Today, she didn't come out at all. When Hammer went to check in on her, he says she seemed cheerful but said she was taking the day off. Hammer, sensing something was wrong, then went and tipped Riesenlied and Noeline off about Lydia taking the day off and suggested checking on her before returning to work.

(Work today is helping Dva babysit the chimera pup it's a job for three heads but they only have two to spare).

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied has been...

... well, she's been spending time supporting Lydia. Going with her to the ruins to retrieve the silver Medium of Rigdobrite -- though she didn't quite cotton on to that until well after the fact. But in her own time, she's been practicing trying to balance with her new foot, despite the fact that she should if anything be more stable.

But Hammer tipped her off, and it's with a treat that she looks to Noeline and then knocks on their daughter's door. "Lydie? It's Riese, I heard you're taking the day off?" she calls in an amiable voice.

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

Noeline has pouted a little about missing the expedition to the ruins in the days hence - but when it comes down to it, the controlled chaos of New Petra is only so much controlled, and still needs eyes on it a lot of the time to ensure that everything is running more-or-less smoothly given the sheer number of refugees from Lunar present in the camp. Of all the things Noeline never figured she'd be, a village chief-in-arms was certainly one of them.

In Riesenlied's arms, specifically, because Noeline has declared she certainly isn't about to give up on the desire to dance with her partner any time soon, especially now that they're off Lunar - and so, part of Riese's practice has been a series of thankfully-slow whirls.

It's in-between those practice sessions that she's at the blonde's side, humming in mild curiosity as she watches Riesenlied knock; her brow is a little furrowed, because she's starting to consider that Hammer's nervousness makes for some occasional flashes of insight. Hopefully Lydie isn't just communing, or something, thinks the worst shaman around.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia Seren doesn't answer for several moments but eventually she opens the door, smiling with many teeth as usual. "H...heeeey moms! Sorry it took me a minute! You uh...want to come inside?"

Lydia steps back to let them in. Her own room has a bunch of oil stains splattered about with wads of paper crunched up and tossed into an overflowing wastebasket. The only thing that seems neat at all is the toolbox on her desk which is ... presently sitting on top of the Silver Medium.

Maybe... Lydia wasn't communing with the medium.

Lydia plops back down on her bed, grabbing one arm with the other and laughing at nothing in particular. "Sorry I uh, figured you were right. Been working too hard. Gotta take it, uh, easy."

She kicks a leg up and rests her head down on it. "Everything's okay."

Her free foot waggles up and down rapidly and her hands are shaking. "I probably should've left a note somewhere...?"

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

If Riesenlied had a gella for every role Noeline never expected to undertake, she probably could have enough tuition for Janey and Mikaia, really! Despite the fact that they don't exactly have the luxury to pick a school and settle down. She likes to call Noeline her chevalier, though, even if Noeline's ditched the dark knight getup (much to her own pouting).

There's a quietly bashful look as they swan around in slow twirls, but her legs are kind of shaky and stumbly as they walk -- but with the treat in hand, Riesenlied feels more than invigorated to try and keep steady.

Riesenlied well understands Lydia's trepidation, though; she's possibly going to face the music herself, and she's planted a hand to her chest as she holds up the treat--

--red velvet cake!

"Okay, I just wanted to spend time together anyway," Riesenlied says softly. "I'm doing balance exercises today."

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

Noeline is, at least, terrifically weak to Riesenlied's pouts - and the way she chuckles softly and bashfully at the title her partner has for her rather suggests they haven't seen the last of Noeline putting on airs. (Which is pretty much a foregone conclusion, given it's Noeline, but perhaps it's more about the right /kind/ of airs.)

She's careful as they wait at Lydia's door; there's a light frown on her face, then she's offered Riesenlied a hand to steady herself, paired with a quiet smile. "... you did well today," she promises. "It will take a little while longer, but you're already getting more used to walking."

When Lydia opens the door, she's initially kind of surprised, not expecting the girl to be so upbeat and eager for someone who was previously shutting herself away in her room - but then she takes a moment to take stock, her eyebrows slowly raising. "It looks like you already did leave notes. All over the place," she points out with a mock frown, but chuckles immediately afterwards.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia says, "Oh, uh, sorry about the mess," to Noeline while not moving to pick any of it up or do anything at all with it. There might need to be an intervention some day but luckily the Fereshte crashes so often that these notes frequently end up destroyed or falling out of the ship or whatever as is so it sort of handles itself so far.

"I think you're doing great." Lydia adds to Riesenlied but before she can really clarify, RED VELVETED CAKE is introduced and Lydia is stunned for a moment, then she giggles into her hand for a few moments and then says, "I guess you've figured something was up."

She takes the cake, taking a bite and setting it to the side after so she can pick up a pillow and hug it close to her body.

"I'm..." She wipes from tears from her eyes. She isn't quite full on crying but she could easily be prodded in that direction. "I'm trying but..." Her eyes slant towards that silver medium under the toolbox, then back down at the floor.

"...I'm scared. I'm really, really scared."

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied's cheeks are a bit red as she says, "Thank you. I'll... I'll get there," even as she kind of wobbles as if she's twisting her ankle, but it's more just because the soles of her feet are seriously not flat anymore.

At least no one can say she's flat-footed anymore! Ho ho!

She giggles brighter and says, "Too much? I was in the mood for baking, and Janey was jumping up and down about it after I told the story of the unfortunate cake." Rip, Seven Sages Giant Cake, you'll be forever delicious in Ethius' heart, at least...

She looks to Noeline for a moment, then steps towards the bed to gently sit next to her. "... yeah...?" She doesn't overload Lydia with encouragement yet, putting her (human!) hand on Lydia's lap gently.

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

With a tilt of her head, Noeline gives Riesenlied another smile - she's filled with a quiet confidence for the Tainted's sake, and even if it's still something she only tends to admit aloud in private, she's still becoming much better over time about showing it on her face. "... really, I didn't even know what to make of it. You come back from a ruin, immediately inspired to bake - I didn't even know you were able to," she admits with an almost comical pout. "To think, I could have been haranguing /you/ for eclairs all this time."

She pauses as Lydia slowly curls up, and has to catch herself before she says anything else out of place. "... it's fine. I'm not one to talk," she admits after a moment, making sure to soften her voice a little. "You never saw where I used to live. Papers strewn everywhere. It's a miracle I didn't burn the place down by accident," she replies instead, keeping her tone light as Riesenlied moves across to offer some physical contact.

She glances at the glistening Medium, letting out a slow breath; she's felt that kind of fear before, when she dragged herself away from the remains of a mountainside shrine.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"Just the right amount of sweetness, just like its creator." Lydia quips. She does have a sweet tooth but it doesn't seem that fear puts an end to Lydia quips. Perhaps it even enhances and multiples them. She smiles up at Noeline, though it's a little ragged this time. "Heh, like mother like daughter huh? I'll try not to burn the ship down."

She answers Riesenlied's 'yeah?' with a "yeah," of her own. Her fingers curl inward into her body as she shakes, trying to force herself to stop.

"It's not the same as before. Mother is awake and even if she wasn't...we can't run away this time. We have to win or we die. Even if we win we might still die. I just found you, and I might lose everybody. I might even lose Janey and Mikaia!"

Now that she has gotten going she gets on a tirade.

"I might die too! No matter how careful I am, and now that I have /that/," She looks at the silver medium. "An even bigger target's on my back. Mariel said this is something high priests receive--I just finished my training last year!" She looks down. "Do I even deserve it? Maybe they're just desperate and I'm convenient. It doesn't really matter though, 'cause now that I do have it...I can't fall apart like this in front of 'em. I need to carry that light for 'em. I don't want to fall apart. Everybody has to deal with enough of that as it is."

She closes her eyes for a moment. "...It's not just about me anymore. If I hurt someone, it'll be as if Rigdobrite hurt someone. If I fail..." She laughs. "I couldn't talk to them about it. They seemed so happy for me." Maybe Riesenlied not quite realizing what had happened immediately worked out in her favor this once.

"I love Rigdobrite, I do. He was always there for me. I gotta be there for him and pretend I'm not terrified. At least out there."

She looks over to Noeline for a moment. "You know what it's like, right?" Riesenlied might have a strong affinity with a certain Guardian, but she hasn't quite hit that moment herself just yet whereas Noeline had some very close (and explosive) encounters with Duras Drum. "What if I....screw it all up?"

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

"Maybe I wanted to keep a little secret for a bit," Riesenlied bashfully expresses, before perking up a little bit to say, "And I've been baking a lot of gratins and other child-friendly meals, so what's learning how to bake cookies and cakes and other treats for them ontop of that?"

The Momliness lectures have gotten to candy and treats...!

Riesenlied does tilt her head down and pats Lydia for a moment, though she reaches out for Noeline as well. Her cheeks are a little red as Lydia comments on sweetness, pausing.

"... I know. I'm scared too... really scared," Riesenlied admits. "You were really, really brave to take Granny Halle's advice and come back to where it started... and to bear this responsibility..."

A soft little pause, as she says, "You won't be alone. Just don't forget that. That's the Wayside way, right? No one stands alone -- we all stand together."

She lowers her head down and says, "... I... well. I might be chasing a complete red herring. But if we do go to the village of the Fereshte in Elru... and it's still there..."

She looks just a bit more bashfully to Lydia. "I'll be sharing that kind of responsibility with you too."

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

Noeline is careful not to crowd Lydia too much - more because she's not entirely sure how acclimatized to touch the girl is, especially towards people not named Riesenlied. She makes sure she's close, however, kneeling by Riesenlied to accept her companion's hand in hers, pausing for a long moment to choose her words more carefully.

"... it is scary," she agrees after a long moment, punctuating it with a quiet sigh. "I will certainly not deny that. The thought of what might happen to the world - to Riesenlied, to New Petra, to humans and Tainted alike - I do have fears as well, as much as I do my best not to show them," she adds with a rueful chuckle.

She pauses, and glances in Riesenlied's direction for a second before looking back. "But my faith has always been in people, rather than the Guardians. I've watched as humans and Tainted forge a link we never would have thought possible. I've watched as Riese has shared feelings with Guardians and the Malevolent. I've watched /you/ go from strength to strength," she adds towards Lydia with a quiet smile. "That's why I will make myself stand up, time and time again, to protect what we've built here."

A pause, as she feels for the sensation of the Medium within herself. It's still muted, but she can feel a tiny pulse, past the cloying sensation. "... just because you have a Medium does not mean you are expected to be infallible," she huffs quietly. "Everyone needs a hand sometimes... and it isn't as the Guardians extend theirs all that often. ... Rigdobrite has put his trust in you. That includes putting his trust in the decisions you make," she adds more softly. "All we can do is what we feel is best. If that includes leaning on others, so be it."

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia is quiet for a while. They're scared too, of course, but was that really ever in question? Of course they'd be scared. Everybody's scared. Even if, okay, it's nice to get a reminder of that sometimes. One thing is for sure though, Lydia has definitely been sensitive about being touched and 'looked at' in the past but she seems to be much more capable of handling that stuff now than before.

Even if her cheeks silver greatly at being called strong. It seems that Lydia takes after Noeline in the trying not to let her fear show department.

One of her hand reaches out and takes hold of Riesenlied's hands. The one on her lap. She squeezes it. This is what she's fighting for, isn't it? Does she believe in it enough to die for it? Not really. She doesn't think she believes in much of anything enough to die for it. If you die for it, then you don't get to experience it, even if perhaps she may already no longer be who she was. After so many parts of herself have been changed by what's inside her, maybe she's no longer Lydia Seren in actuality.

But she doesn't really believe that. She believes she is Lydia Seren, so she is Lydia Seren. "I'll still be scared," Lydia tells Riese. "But I'll go with you. You went back home with me, s'only fair right? I'll even hold y'r hand."

Nobody is infallible. Noeline speaks to her as to why Rigdobrite chose her in the first place. It's not so different from the words Halle might say, but one of these people will be going to the front lines with her. She never expected Noeline to admit she's afraid too, all the same. She looks up at the cosplay noble for a moment. Noeline, of course, is respecting her personal space but her other hand reaches to the cake and scootches it over a bit more.

Then her hand reaches out for Noeline's hand--no wait, her arm--and will hug her if she doesn't total evade it. Glancing doesn't count!

"Thanks moms." She sniffs once. Okay. Only real smiles from now on."

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

"... I... also remember what I said to Odoryuk. That I wanted co-operation, between us. Because I don't think any link between us and the Guardians should ever be one way; because I believe they're suffering and in need of help, just as much as we are," Riesenlied espouses rather earnestly.

Riesenlied turns just a little more red as she huffs at Noeline -- being the one to huff for once! As she says, "It is not just me, you know. I've watched you choose to make a stand and sacrifice a whole lot to make all of this possible. The risk of giving up your cover, and letting it be known who you stand with... these aren't things I have forgotten."

She smiles tenderly at Lydia as she squeezes that hand of hers. "A-ah..." she bashfully says, "I think it would be good, to have held hands when the time comes." She kind of lets go so that their daughter can go hug Noeline, it's only fair that they both get hug time!

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

The Crimson Notble catches Lydia's glance - and evidently reads into it enough to pick up its meaning, because after a moment to blink she's split into a lazy and amused grin. "What?" she wonders playfully, and snickers again. "... you know, I started out as a spy. I was never meant to do things like 'stand and fight'. Sometimes I think I'm the only one of them that learned to run away if things looked like I didn't have the upper hand - learned the value of being cautious."

This from the person who launches themselves at Sin - and Noeline seems to recognize that given the slightly bashful way she laughs - and simply accepts the hug, placing an arm around Lydia's shoulders to return it. "... whatever happens, we will be there with you, and others as well. That is the true strength of-- well, of all of this," she finishes rather lamely, but with an amused smile.

She turns it on Riesenlied, squeezing the other Hyadean's hand in hers. "... I know," she admits gently. "But, all I can say is that everything I've done - it has all felt like the most natural thing I could have possibly done. I can't imagine, at this point, having taken any other path," she promises quietly.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"Damn," Lydia says. "That's a really cool line," Lydia says into Noeline's shoulder. When she pulls back, she's grinning--it seems less intense than before, but more honest all the same. "Though I guess I now know that you're a total sweetie just like mom." Pause. "But like a secret sweetie? I won't tell the plebes, don't worry." She knows now, though, that Noeline for all her huffing is nearly as inclined towards reckless behavior. There is no going back now, Noeline. No going back.

Though come to think of it, Lydia is also super reckless in this kind of way too? Oh no. Oh nooo.

"Yeah..." Lydia says. "You can lean on me too, okay? Both of you!"

She turns up her gaze back to Noeline as she sits back down, picking her cake back up. "And I'm gonna live my life like that. What you just said. I think that's... the only way to live, really!"

<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.

Riesenlied's cheeks redden a little as she watches between Lydia and Noeline, still smiling terribly affectedly. She thinks a little back to the way she started noticing and being attracted to the ex-spy...

"She's always been one for very cool lines," she agrees, tilting her head. They're all reckless, really, even Riesenlied! Why do you think she keeps getting run through by swords from all kinds of people??

She looks at Noeline for a bit longer. "... I'm glad. Of course, I don't hesitate one bit about going down this path with you... with all of you, really."

She quietly picks herself up and holds her hands out gently to either side of her. Still balancing. "I think I'll check on if the children want lunch. Do you want to come play with them, Lydie?"

<Pose Tracker> Noeline has posed.

With an amused and heaving sigh of her own, Noeline puffs up her shoulders. "I do /try/. I didn't read dime novels for a hundred years just for nothing, you realize," she ... boasts...? but there's a grin on her face that suggests it's far from serious. "And you'd better not, or else I'll tell everyone you're secretly worrying, and then Mikaia will get stuck to you for the entire day."

"... it is all anyone can ask of you," she adds more quietly to the shaman, nodding her head in return. "Any more than that, and they're being unfair. Or you're being too hard on yourself," she adds pointedly, nudging Riesenlied with a playful elbow as she grins.

Immediately afterwards, she squeezes the Hyadean's hand in hers, as if to apologize - or perhaps to continue the tease - and then helps Riesenlied up to her feet, still aware of her balance issues. "Take a moment, if you need to, but in my experience it's generally best to distract yourself."

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia quickly scoops the remains of that red velvet into her mouth. She already feels better, but she's not going to waste that cake. She frisbee throws the plate onto the desk where it lands on her toolbox. The Silver Medium bears the weight.....of Lydia's crap even though it's only one shrimp.

"Hell yeah." Lydia says, hopping up. "Gotta have lunch now that I've had dessert!"

She smiles. "Dime novels huh? If you find any you wanna read together...could be fun!" She means, like, read simultaneously like in a book club not being read to. She ain't that young.

"I feel a lot better already! I think I'm ready to face the world again!" She has never been one to flop over for long.