2019-01-13: Disquieting Murmurs
- Log: Disquieting Murmurs
- Cast: Jacqueline Barber, Xantia
- Where: Adlehyde - Town Center
- Date: January 13, 2019
- Summary: Unable to sleep due to mysterious sounds she keeps hearing, Xantia seeks out Jacqueline for a sleeping aid, and ends up sharing a bit more than she meant to.
=========================<* Adlehyde - Town Center *>========================= The centre of Adlehyde marks the intersection between the east-west and north-south roads that carve the city into near-quarters. The large shops packed around the city's main thoroughfares have largely been smashed down. Burnt, blackened shells mark where these great businesses used to say -- and few can say if all of them will ever reopen. The intersection between the two roads is actually a large circle nearly a quarter-mile across, allowing wagons and other traffic to move with a minimum of collisions and profanity both. This area used to be clogged with carts and stalls, but it is now clogged with tents and ramshackle construction to make up for the destruction of many homes throughout the city. Altruists of all stripes, including Althena's Guard, have set-up makeshift soup kitchens to feed the many newly homeless. The buildings throughout the rest of Adlehyde are built of stone and tile roofs, which are sometimes smashed and damaged, but still standing. Even now, repairs to broken roofs and walls are underway. As one moves away from the major routes toward the walls, however, they can see that the poorer and seedier enclaves have often been damaged far worse. Unsafe, unsound wooden buildings are a threat to their occupants and the street from collapse. The streets themselves are often lined with pockmarked burns and craters. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MQRL7xws7w
<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.
Things were finally starting to calm down a little for Jacqueline, which meant it was back to business as usual. She had decided to return to her hometown of Adlehyde for the time being. Maybe a part of her missed it, or maybe she just felt it was the place she needed to be right now.
Adlehyde was a strong city - they had endured two attacks by the Metal Demons and were in the process of rebuilding. Jacqueline had done her part to help out, providing some things supplement those who were hard at work, and now it was time to take a brief break.
And so, Jacqueline has found herself at a small outdoor cafe(it didn't used to be, but after the original building collapsed they found that people were fond of the outdoor atmosphere). The Carakin, the signature vehicle of the Caravan Kinship, can be found not too far from here, nestled into a convenient corner...and practically serving as a beacon for anyone who might be looking for Jacqueline.
Jacqueline herself can be found seated at one of the tables with a plate of little cakes, taking notes in a book opened in front of her. It wouldn't be too hard to get her attention, though!
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia could frequently be seen in the Adlehyde area as of late. Ever since returning from Elru, she's rarely gone too far from the city, always making sure to at least return by nightfall. This is unusual for her, but then again, it's Xantia, who is far from the dictionary's entry for 'usual'.
She, too, has helped some in the rebuilding efforts, mainly going around doing heavy lifting. She knows nothing about construction, but she can certainly carry a lot more stuff around than most people can. Not today, however, or the rest of the week for that matter. She didn't feel up to it, and the reason for this is about to become clear.
"Jaaaaaaaay!"
A familiar voice can be heard from the direction of the Carakin, though it's obvious straight away that something's off about it. When yelling like this, Xantia's voice is usually loud and energetic. This time... well she tried, but it's never hard to tell when she's forcing it. Her heart wasn't in that yell at all.
Practically no time passes before Xantia pokes her head around the corner and spots Jacqueline seated at the cafe. She wastes no time to come running, which makes it even more obvious that something's off - not only doesn't she run at quite her usual breakneck pace, one look at her face is enough to see how tired she is. It's rare to see her with such little energy, though it's not the first time - it's a bit similar to her condition when she was brought to the Carakin after the forced trip to Lunar. Given how that went, the request she immediately launches into upon her approach may not come as a surprise.
"Jay, I'm so glad you're here. Do you have any more of that blue stuff, the... I dunno, the sleepy drink, the one Lily has? I really need some. I have..." She fumbles around in her cloak's inner pockets, not immediately remembering where she put her money pouch. "...probably enough money. How much is that?" She doesn't actually know, since last time ended up being a freebie, more of an emergency treatment. This time Xantia is a customer, looking for a specific product. One who is quite desperate for it, by the looks of things.
<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.
At the sound of her name being called out, Jacqueline looks up. It was a familiar shout with an unfamiliar cadence to it. Like the person responsible was having to force themselves.
"Xantia?" Jacqueline asks, shutting the book and looking up. It only takes a brief glance to assess Xantia's condition, and what she sees alarms her. Indeed, the request isn't a surprise.
"Well, yes, I do...I have a batch ready to go back at the Carakin." Jacqueline says with a nod. She has some of the lesser stuff on hand, but if Xantia was asking for specifically Lily-Quality potions...well, it was obvious that Xantia was exhausted, it's no surprise that she'd need it. "It's not that much, really..."
Jacqueline lists off a quick price. It's actually cheaper than she'd usually make it, but that's largely due to concern and the fact that she can tell that Xantia probably really needs it.
"Please, have a seat...are you alright, Xantia? Did something happen?" She asks, gesturing to the chair across from her.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia nods at the price, fishing out her money pouch and confirming without looking inside, "Oh, yes, I have that much." She can be pretty sure of that - that pouch looks pretty well-filled, she has it more than covered.
She then looks confused at being told to sit, looking behind her before looking back to Jay. "Didn't you say it was back at the Carakin?" She was expecting to just buy the potion and go, just really, really wanting to sleep. But at the displayed concern... well, she can probably spare some time to explain. She shrugs, and sits down without a direct objection. "I don't know, nothing really... happened, happened. Well, all the stuff at Elru did, but I already noticed this before all that, it's just gotten worse, and now it's making me not sleep well." That part of it was obvious, at least. The actual cause of it is more difficult to explain.
Resting an elbow on the table, Xantia rubs her forehead with her right hand for a moment. For a moment, it kind of looks like she might fall asleep right there, but of course she wouldn't be so desperate if things were that easy. She raises her head to ask, "...You're kind of like a doctor, right? Maybe you've heard of this." She pauses, then rests her head on her hand again. "I wish it was easier to describe this. But I'll try."
Her hand moves to her chin, and she begins, "There's... something I keep hearing. But nobody else seems to hear it. It sounds like... someone's talking, from far away, but I can still hear it as if it's close by, but still I can't make out any of the words. If there are any words, it doesn't really sound like words, it just feels like it should be words."
She pauses, and looks back to Jay. "I'm sure I'm not imagining it. It's really there. I'm just the only one who hears it. Have you heard anything like that before?"
<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.
"We could do this there, if you like..." Jacqueline replies. Truthfully, she just thought it might be good for Xantia to get off her feet, even if only for a little while.
She murmurs a slight 'hmm' as Xantia comments that nothing really happened, at least not recently - that it was something that she had noticed before all that happened, and that it had gotten worse.
"I suppose 'kind of' is the best way to put it..." Jacqueline remarks with a slight chuckle, then listens intently as Xantia explains. As she does, she very gently pushes the plate of little cakes toward her, then considers what she said.
"A voice that only you can hear, but you can't make out the words..." Jacqueline murmurs, thinking this over. After a moment.
"...I couldn't tell you what causes it, and your case may be different, but people have asked me about similar things before." Jacqueline replies. "So, I don't think you're imagining it."
She gives it a little more thought for a moment, thinking it over with a pensive frown.
"Do you remember when you first started hearing this?" She asks.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
It takes Xantia a bit to notice the plate of little cakes on the table. The fact that it wasn't the first thing she noticed, let alone it taking this long, is how you know it's serious.
...But she does take a moment to shove one of those cakes into her mouth all at once after she finishes talking. It's not THAT serious.
She's already holding another cake when Jay replies, drawing her attention again. She lets out a short whine at not receiving any new clues about this weird thing she keeps hearing, immediately shoveling down the second cake. That's the best way to deal with disappointment.
She clears her mouth before responding to the question that follows. "I'm not really sure, but... I think it started sometime after we came back from Lunar." She pauses only a short moment before shrugging. "If it's because of something that happened there, it could be a lot of things."
Hopefully Jacqueline wasn't too attached to those cakes, because now that Xantia's noticed them... well, they're tiny, and she eats a lot, so it shouldn't be too big of a surprise that she takes a third one in short order. Though this one, she doesn't eat immediately, just sort of looking at it as she idly weighs it in her hand. "...What sort of similar things have people asked about before? Maybe something will sound familiar... even if my case is different."
At times like this, she'd sure like to be a little less unique. Not knowing why she can do things most people can't is vexing enough, let alone if it turned out that she has some kind of annoying ailment no one else has.
<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.
The fact that the little cakes start disappearing quickly is something that Jacqueline had prepared herself for. It was a calculated risk on her part, but she had a feeling that Xantia probably needed them right now more than she did.
After returning from Lunar...that could be significant, or it might not be. Jacqueline isn't sure how much significance to ascribe to that so she sets it aside for now.
"Fractured or repressed memories, sometimes distant...mental contact with another..." Jacqueline replies. "Those are things I've heard of in the past. In your case it might be something trying to come to the surface, but...it's not a field I have any experience in, so I'm afraid I couldn't tell you anything...definite."
She sounds a little apologetic, at that. She wishes she could help more, but right now the only thing she had was theories and suppositions.
"Have you asked anyone else about this?" She asks.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Just as it's no surprise that foods starts disappearing whenever Xantia is present, it should be no surprise that mentioning anything about memories draws her immediate interest. "Really? It could be memories trying to come back?" As always, hopeful and enthusiastic about that possibility. "Maybe I shouldn't take the potion after all then, I don't want to risk any memories not coming back because of that..." What's a little loss of sleep compared to recovering a memory, any memory? Then again, she's feeling pretty miserable after nearly a whole week of this. "I'm not any good to anyone like this, though..."
The cake she held disappears where the other two went at this point. Eating helps her make tough decisions. Not that that's ever the actual reason why she eats. Mental contact... she shouldn't discount that possibility. Although if that's what it is, somebody isn't doing a very good job, just keeping her awake and having no idea what they're trying to say.
"That's okay," she responds when Jay apologizes, "I didn't think it would be something that's easy to figure out, especially when I can't explain it very well. Couldn't hurt to try, though... and if you hear about anything like this, now you know that I want to know too!" No reason to not stay optimistic.
When asked if she's talked to anyone else, a tiny flame appears in the hand Xantia used to be holding the cake with, which she idly runs between her fingers much like a gambler might do with a coin. "I did, I talked to Lily about it too. Since she's a doctor, and I thought--" She pauses, mentally adjusting the words she was going to use. "I thought maybe she'd know if it was some magical thing. She's not really sure either, though. She told to write down anything that came to mind about it if it happened again so she can look it over later, so I've been doing that. I'm not sure if it'll help, but... well, it's better than doing nothing."
Of all the things one can do, 'nothing' might be the thing Xantia is worst at.
<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.
"It's important to make sure you get plenty of rest... Whatever it is that's happening, it doesn't do you any good if you can't function. The medicine should help you with that." Jacqueline replies, shaking her head. That was the opposite of her intention, but she could see why Xantia might think that way.
The little cakes continue to disappear. Jacqueline remains resolute in her decision, and will not forget their sacrifice.
She nods, though, when Xantia says it's alright.
"Yes...if I hear anything else, I'll certainly be sure to get in touch with you." She agrees, then watches as Xantia idly runs a small flame over her fingers.
"Lily...that was a good decision." Jacqueline says with a nod. "Yes, I'd keep doing that. And if you do manage to sleep...if you have any dreams, I recommend writing down any that you remember first thing upon waking up."
She smiles, then, as Xantia comments that it's better than doing nothing.
"Even if all it does is give you a little extra peace of mind...that's still very important." She says, nodding.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia nods a bit, not about to argue with the medicine being a good idea. She could've been convinced to go the other way on that, but in this case, even she can be okay with putting her memories in second place for the moment. This is the first time she can remember not being able to sleep well for an extended period of time, she had no idea how terrible that could make one feel.
When the subject of dreams comes up, Xantia has the conjured flame rest on her index finger for a moment, then snuffs it out with her thumb. "...I never remember my dreams. I don't know if that has anything to do with my memory, but... well, for some reason I do start remembering them, I'll be sure to write them down." She's visibly a little sad about that, and why wouldn't she be, dreams sound really awesome. On the other hand, it also means no nightmares. But even so, not being able to remember things would of course never make her particularly happy.
With a sigh, she continues, "I don't know, do you really think so? I'm just kind of writing down whatever, and I don't often have anything I can think to write. I have like... three pages? Not even all filled up, it's just kind of..."
She pauses, then reaches into a different pocket of her cloak to take out a nondescript black notebook, and puts it down on the table next to the plate of cakes. "Here, you can see for yourself," she suggests, then takes another cake in exchange.
It's just as Xantia said: only the first three pages have anything written on them, in a perhaps surprisingly neat handwriting. There aren't any exact dates written down, but the general timeframe isn't difficult to figure out, given the first entry:
Well, this is silly. Lily gave me this notebook so I could write it down if I heard any weird stuff again, and now it's not happening anymore. Figures! I don't even know why I'm writing this down. I guess it's something to do, the boat ride's pretty boring. I'm almost wishing they'd attack us already. Oh well. I don't really know what else to write, maybe I'll write more later.
It must have taken a while for her to do so, judging by entry two:
I just heard it again! That weird noise that feels like someone's talking to me, but doesn't really sound like words. Nobody else heard it as usual, I'm pretty sure. I didn't really think about it in Elru, but we just got back and now it's happening again. Maybe it's because I had to always be ready for an attack while we were over there. Or maybe it's something about that place. Something else strange happened to me over there too, so. Maybe I actually have been to Elru before after all.
The final entry is short and to the point:
Ugh, the dumb voice-thing woke me up. It's just kind of annoying usually, but if it's going to cost me sleep I'm not going to be happy.
When Jay reaches that page, Xantia speaks up again. "See? That's not going to help, is it?"
<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.
"I see...I'm sorry to hear that." Jacqueline apologizes. She hadn't even thought that Xantia might not remember them, but she supposes it made sense when she thought about it...
"I think so." Jacqueline says with a nod. "Even if you don't have anything now, it may come up in the future...and writing is a way to exercise the mind, which may be useful. There may also be something that might not seem significant to you that Lily may be able to work with...she has more training with this than I do."
Xantia draws a notebook from her cloak and passes it over to her. With a nod Jacqueline accepts it, paging through it carefully. Indeed, there wasn't much, but she reads through it attentively...
"Hm...you mentioned something else strange happened to you there. Was it that voice, or something else?" Jacqueline asks.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
The notion of 'exercising the mind' may be a foreign concept to Xantia, if her blank expression is any indication. That might help to explain why she fails to see any merit in such things. Also, even if she's lost her memories, there's nothing wrong with her memory right now - she remembers everything that's happened over the past two years in great detail. She doesn't need to keep notes for that. She does nod in the end, figuring that Jay would know better than her where it comes to this sort of thing.
Even so, while she remembers just fine what she wrote, certain things about it don't immediately dawn on her. She was expecting Jay to just agree with her that the entries contain nothing of note. But when that passage about 'something strange' is picked out, she blinks, then covers her mouth with her hand, looking shocked. She was writing this with Lily in mind, who would already know what that meant. She never considered it might cause others to ask questions.
"I... um... I-I made a mistake, you shouldn't have read that." She quickly snatches back the notebook, and puts it back where she got it. She looks panicked a moment longer, before wincing, then sighing. "Guess it's too late for that now, huh? I really didn't want to have to tell anyone else about that..."
Still, even if Jay were to say that she doesn't have to, she waves that off and volunteers the information, resting her hands on the table, keeping her eyes on said hands. "I sort of... blacked out during the attack on the Photosphere. I'm not sure how many times, but I know it was more than once. Always when I was fighting, I'd start to fight, and then it was over, and I couldn't remember how the fight went. That never happened to me before, it was only back there." She pauses, taking a breath before sharing the most disturbing part of it. "I think I may have... killed some Metal Demons who didn't want to fight at all. Maybe couldn't fight at all."
<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.
Jacqueline feels for a brief moment that she might have misstepped when Xantia covers her mouth with a shocked look.
"S-sorry, I-" She starts...but Xantia says it's too late, and elaborates. Jacqueline listens. She doesn't interrupt, but she does look concerned. And when she's done...
"...Oh, Xantia...I'm sorry to make you recall that. That must have been awful..." She murmurs. She reaches a hand out to offer her a gentle pat of reassurance, but she'll retract it if Xantia doesn't want it. It's clear that she doesn't assign blame to Xantia herself, at least - it doesn't seem like was in control of herself.
"...But, thank you." She says with a nod. "I...think you may be correct that these instances are related somehow. I couldn't tell you how, but...it doesn't seem like a coincidence."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia just shakes her head at the apology. It was her own fault for not thinking too deeply about what exactly she wrote down. Plus, if it was really true that she absolutely didn't want to say anything to anybody else, she wouldn't have. It's just... not easy to talk about, for obvious reasons.
Xantia doesn't react to being patted either way. Even if Jacqueline doesn't assign blame, it's hard to not feel bad about what she did. Not being in control of herself only makes it worse, in her mind.
She lets out an unamused chuckle, responding, "It's not like I could ever forget it, now that I know. If Lily hadn't seen it happen, I may never have realized." She finally looks up from her hands, back to Jay. "That's just, it's weird, right? You did something, and you don't remember what exactly it was you did, and still you just sort of keep going without worrying about it? I'd never do that! And still... that's what I did."
It's not even so much the acts itself, although she certainly feels bad about those. But gaps in her memory, new gaps, that could happen unexpectedly... That frightens her. Compared to that, that thing she keeps hearing isn't even worth mentioning. It's all she can do to try and reassure herself, positing, "At least... I never heard this sound and had that other thing happen at the same time. So... maybe it's better that I'm hearing it now. If it keeps me from... whatever that was."
<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.
"Yes...I can understand that..." Jacqueline replies with a nod. That knowledge would certainly leave an impact. It raised questions - what else might have happened recently that she couldn't remember?
She nods as Xantia goes on, putting the situation into perspective.
"That would be frightening to anyone...we can only hope it doesn't happen again in the future, but..." Jacqueline starts, when Xantia tries to reassue herself by stating it doesn't happen when she hears the sound.
"I suppose there's one bright side to that, at least..." Jacqueline considers. "If the others know about it, I'm sure they'll help keep an eye out for you, too. Things have been calm lately, so hopefully you don't have to worry about blanking out again anytime soon..."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
"I hope I don't have to worry about it again ever!" Xantia is immediate and resolute in her response on that one. "It could be that place. There might be something in Elru that..."
While she started to go on about that, she stops herself there. There's no real point in speculating. As hard as it is to accept it, there's simply no way to know anything about this for certain. "...Well, never mind," she decides with a shake of her head. "Now that I know about it, I can't imagine I wouldn't be able to tell something's wrong. ...or been wrong." Realizing it after the fact wouldn't be ideal, but... realizing it at all would be an improvement. She has to believe awareness of this will make a difference, or it would cost her sleep for an entirely different reason.
With that, she turns a serious expression towards Jacqueline. "Others knowing might be safer, but... could you please keep this a secret for now? I just... I'd rather tell people when I feel ready. Especially... certain people." She leaves that up to interpretation, but one can infer it involves the people she feels close to.
<Pose Tracker> Jacqueline Barber has posed.
"I don't blame you for that, and I hope you don't, either." Jacqueline agrees with a nod. Maybe it was Elru, or maybe it was something else, but with the information they have now, there's no definitive way of telling for sure what it was.
"That's good. Keeping a journal will help with that, too." Jacqueline replies. "Knowing something exists is the first step toward dealing with it, after all."
Xantia sends a serious look in Jacqueline's direction and she nods resolutely. She wasn't sure how many other people knew, but for now it seemed very limited - maybe even just herself and Lily.
"Of course. Confidentiality is very important to me...I won't say a word about this to anyone. You're the only one who has any right to tell people about what's happening to you." She replies, then offers her a smile. "You have my word."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia readily returns that smile, and nods. "Thank you. I'll tell more people about it soon. Just..." She interrupts herself with a sudden huge yawn, which she partially talks through, "...when I feel a little better. Being able to sleep without waking up all the time'll probably help with that."
On that note, Xantia stands up from the table. The smile never left her lips, but what energy she could muster to keep the conversation going is running low, if her drooping eyes are any indication. "Can we go get that potion now? I just want to sleep already, I don't care if the sun's still up."
Not that she's ever particularly cared about when or where she sleeps before, but that's beside the point.