2019-02-08: The Great Apology Tour, pt. 1
- Log: The Great Apology Tour, pt. 1
- Cast: Xantia, Fei Fong Wong, Rosaline Calice
- Where: Dazil City
- Date: February 08, 2019
- Summary: With Xantia back to her
normaltypical self, her first priority is to apologize to everyone she hurt when she lost control of herself. Fei accompanies her to the logical first stop: the city where that whole mess took place, where they run into Rosaline.
===============================<* Dazil City *>=============================== Located a few miles from the southern edge of the Great Aveh Desert, Dazil serves as the staging point for expeditions and travels deeper into the heart of the continent. Wells dug deep intot he earth with the assistance of the Ethos still produce water, and so the small city remains viable despite the ongoing desertification. With its proximity to the excavation sites dotting the Great AVeh Desert, Dazil attracts a great deal of attention from Etones, Drifters, and anyone else interested in uncovering ARMs. Aveh's military keeps a close eye on the goings-on in Dazil, and stands ready to confiscate ancient weapons or Gears uncovered by fortune-seekers...although with the battle lines ever shifting, those forces are occasionally called away for a few precious hours. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-u3RUAeYWM
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Back in Dazil, once again. Xantia left rather in a hurry after the rude awakening that resulted from the dive into her mind. She needed a bit of time to process everything that happened, which she didn't do very well on her own, but became a little easier after meeting up with Fei. And now... now there are a lot of people she needs to thank, as well as apologize to.
The people of Dazil had to be at the top of the list. She caused quite a stir with her sudden literal explosion of violence. Though the Black Wolves had already stepped in to keep Xantia in their custody, she just didn't feel right leaving it at that.
After a bit of an awkward meeting with the officials in charge - awkward on both sides, as Xantia didn't really know how to explain herself and they didn't really know how to handle someone who seemed so hapless and falling over herself trying to apologize for things she didn't fully understand - next up are the people at the Ethos facility who took care of her. At least that should be easier, she didn't explode any of their property at least. She just took up a lot of their time and effort, so it should be more thanking and less apologizing.
Should be. Unless, of course, a certain catperson happens to be around who does very much deserve an apology.
Accompanying her there is Fei Fong Wong, who's been with her the entire time, and without whom she probably would still be floundering trying to explain the inexplicable back there. She lets out a deep sigh, then turns her head in his direction. "This is even more difficult than I thought. I don't even know where to begin. Is it going to be like that every time? What do you think I could do different?"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Honestly between Xantia's flipping out, Fei literally invading Bledavik on Cecilia's behalf, and of course Rattan threatening to start breaking the town if he didn't fight Crescens...maybe he shouldn't be hanging around Dazil so much.
His explanations seem to involve a lot of bowing.
Nevertheless, Fei is determined to stick by Xantia through her rounds. He had to go through his own pretty much by himself but he hasn't forgotten the various kindnesses shown him and he fully intends to pay it back.
"Mmm," Fei tells Xantia. "To be honest, I don't think I'd say I mastered it or anything." He pauses, realizing in this moment that when it comes to apologizing he's getting quite experienced at it. "But apologizing isn't meant to be easy. That's what makes them apologies." Fei reasons.
He has a taco in his hand that he's still working on. HE MISSED THE TACO LAST TIME so he's eating it now before something else explodes.
<Pose Tracker> Rosaline Calice has posed.
This isn't a rare occurence, but Rosaline is also in an apologetic mood. Some of Xantia's room was left in disarray, what with Xantia, Fei and Lily's various outbursts following the dive. And if there's anything Rosaline loves, it's apologizing for things that aren't really her fault!
And in her experience, it's better, when possible, to apologize by doing rather than saying. This is why she's been doing volunteer work at the same facility since, helping patients with her own healing, repairing what she can and performing other menial tasks.
Xantia and Fei catch sight of her in a hallway, sweeping the floor. The facility isn't kept exceptionally clean compared to others, but Dazil is a very dusty place, sand inevitably gets into every building and once in a while you need to perform damage control. As evidenced by the neat little sand pile Rosaline is sweeping into right now.
Her ears perk up before her eyes do. People have fairly distinct footsteps if you stop and listen. "Oh, Xantia! You're all right!" Her expression brightens, though it retains a touch of awkwardness, for obvious reasons. "And Fei, too. It's good to see you too."
She tries to find a non-awkward place to prop her broom up. It takes an uncomfortably long moment, as the thing keeps slipping and she makes apologetic noises each time.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Could've fooled Xantia, Fei looked like a master apologizer to her. She'd prefer if she didn't have any more reasons to get better at it, but as things are, she certainly sees the difference in how he didn't get tongue-tied even once. Of course it's not a huge surprise that happened given Xantia's predilection for speaking all her thoughts at once. Quite a few thoughts to share on this particular matter.
Of course at the current point in time, it may also be somewhat of a relief to see her acting the same as always. By all appearances, she's still the same Xantia as before. No sign of any lasting memory issues. Well... not lost memories, anyway. The new things she's learned, she's still not quite done processing yet.
"I guess not," she relents the point to Fei. Apologies would be a pretty meaningless gesture if it was as easy as, say, eating. The only reason Xantia isn't still eating something is because she's better at it than Fei.
As fate would have it, upon entering the Ethos facility, the pair turns directly into the corridor that has a very familiar face helping with the cleaning. Xantia stops in surprise, but before she can even say anything, Rosaline's already noticed them. This wasn't planned. What should she do? What should she say?
Thankfully, the greeting is amicable, and really it doesn't feel like she should have expected any different. With a nod of her head, she starts simply, "Oh, yes... yeah, I'm fine." She falls silent a moment, glancing to Fei briefly, and continues before things get too awkward.
"...Sorry, about, you know, everything. I'm only fine thanks to what all of you did for me. What happened back there..." Since she could see herself getting lost in her own words again, she decides to try things at a different angle this time. "Actually, maybe it's easier if you ask about it? Like... if I know what you want to know, then I can just sort of try to answer, and I won't just throw everything out there all at once." She turns her head to Fei, as if for approval. "Is that a good idea?"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei does indeed walk in, still working on his taco. He does his best to avoid spillage but he can't avoid it completely. OH NO. FUEL FOR BERSERKER ROSALINE???
Fei swallows. "Good to see you, Rosaline. Do you need help cleaning up?" OH NO. FUEL FOR APOLOGY ROSALINE??? He pushes the rest of the taco into his mouth which keeps him quiet for a little while longer as Xantia tries to negotiate her apology to Rosaline.
Xantia is asking him something. Fei looks confused for a moment as he swallows. "Um." He says. He heard what she said but he's not sure what would be the best way to handle all this. "Um, if she wants to know, I guess she has the right to know." He considers. "She just has a little difficulty figuring out where to start," he adds to Rosaline, a bit more quietly. "But she is really sorry. All I can ask is for the same kindness and patience you've shown me." Should've thought about that before bringing your MESSY TACO inside Fei.
<Pose Tracker> Rosaline Calice has posed.
Rosaline's tail does twitch at the sight of the MESSY TACO CAUSING A MESS. But she keeps it bottled up... for now. "Um, no, I should be fine, but thank you for offering." She shakes her head. But it looks like Xantia has something to say! And so, Rosaline listens. Xantia hesitates. Fei adds something, and Rosaline nods.
"It's all right..." she then says, almost seeming to feel as if an apology isn't necessary. "I'm still reeling a bit from it all, but I'm not sure there is much you could have done differently. You weren't in control of yourself for some of it." Well. What 'you' means is becoming an increasingly messy question as of late when it comes to Xantia, and really these three people in general.
She seems to realize this, because now she's the one stumbling over her words. "I-I mean... Well, as for questions, I suppose I have a lot..." She taps her cheek with a gloved hand. "I suppose I would start with that signal you were hearing, and what happened that made you act... that way." What made Xantia attack them. "Do you have a better idea what happened there?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia, in full Apology Mindset, already feels like she messed up when she didn't immediately offer to help clean, like Fei did. Shouldn't have gone straight to the heart of things, he's so much more tactful at this than she is.
Then again, Xantia probably isn't the first person most people would think about when it comes to cleaning things up. She's not super messy so much as she doesn't sweat the details. One can imagine she'd fail to pass the dust on the windowsill test.
Either way, Rosaline declines that offer, so no harm done there. She only nods a bit in reaction to what Fei adds in support. Everyone's probably more used to an energetic and lively Xantia, but she clearly feels seriously out of her element right now. For obvious reasons.
As for what she could have done differently... Xantia has asked herself that question a lot, and failed to come up with a good answer, so it's kind of a relief to hear that she's not the only one. With another slow nod, she affirms, "That's true... I wanted to stop myself, I really did, I just... couldn't."
Appropriately, Rosaline brings up the topic of the sound that Xantia wrote about in the notebook Lily gave her. "That sound... something was calling me. That's something I wanted to warn everyone about, but by the time I realized it... I couldn't. I guess I already wasn't completely in control of myself anymore, it was like... something wouldn't let me say anything about it. It took everything I had just to write it down. And then I couldn't get myself to show it to anybody."
Xantia looks distraught all over again just recalling what that was like. To not be in complete control of your own actions... that was easily the most frightening experience she's ever had. But as for what it is exactly, she shakes her head. "I still don't know what it is, exactly. But... whatever it is, I know that it's coming from somewhere close by. And... I'm afraid that if I stay in this area, it's going to happen again."
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei Fong Wong frowns thoughtfully. He cups his chin for a moment, mulling about it. "Your cybernetics seem to be from the Zeboim era. If there is some kind of signal, it must be from one of the Zeboim ruins in the area. Maybe Collisea Arcadia or that Seven Sages place..." hopefully not the latter, that is one dead zone.
Fei lowers his hand. "Or maybe that place under the desert we found."
"But I remember you wanted to take a break from investigating and maybe while we are away, more ruins will be found back on Ignas. If we can find the source of the signal, and....dampen or destroy it. Maybe you won't have to worry about it anymore."
Fei completely misses Rosaline's tail acting up and simply nods to her since he is kind of dumb. "Well let me know if you change your mind."
He rubs his hands off a pant leg.
He doesn't mind a more mellow Xantia. He likes both flavors, but if she is mellow due to suffering, well, Fei is racking his brain. "It happens." Fei says because well you know his deal. "You almost had us while we were off guard but we will be better prepared if it happens again." He smiles. "We'll drag you back out as many times it takes."
<Pose Tracker> Rosaline Calice has posed.
Rosaline hums as Fei reasons that the key to this mystery may lie in Zeboim-era ruins. That's a daunting prospect, at least. But she catches something. "While you're away? Were you planning to leave the continent?"
"I thought as much," Rosaline says, smiling gently as Xantia says she tried to stop herself. Her expression turns more worried, however, as her friend explains how she was losing control over herself. "Oh no... Oh no! I'm so sorry, Xantia." Rosaline wrings her hands.
"I don't think I can claim it's quite the same thing, but I know how it can be to lose control of yourself. If you ever want to get things off your chest later, you can always find me." For as much as they travel, Drifters have this uncanny way of seeing one another again.
She nods, then. "Staying in this area does sound unsafe, yes. But when you're ready, I'd be happy to help you find and destroy the emitter, or... whatever is happening there, precisely. And yes." She has a little, rueful smile. "If it happens again, we'll be better-prepared." Not that she wants to take a faceful of that overwhelming Xantia sorcery again, but if she has to...
"That reminds me, though... There's something I wanted to talk about with you two sometime, in a more private setting." They're already talking about personal things here, so it must be EXTRA personal. "It's not urgent, though... Maybe Elly should be there too." Elly? Well, that's intriguing.
She doesn't clarify any further, however, because questions for Xantia are still on her mind: "But anyway... What did... Mister Crann tell you? Was it as Lily guessed, that it wasn't the first time something like this had happened?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
"At least I know the signs now," Xantia says to reassure Rosaline and herself at same time. "If I start to hear that sound again, I'll warn somebody right away before it gets really bad." If she can. Who can say... a second time, things might happen much faster. But Xantia is choosing to stay optimistic, as always.
"We're planning to head to Aquvy soon," she next starts to explain, before she suddenly blinks, and turns fully to Fei, just starting to process something about what he said. "Wait... cybernetics? I have those?" What with everything that happened, that topic didn't come up yet. And even now that it has, it just confuses Xantia, who doesn't appear to have realized this part of the equation.
She looks down at her arms, her torso, her legs... none of it feels like there's any metal involved with them, which is what she would have expected from that term. Of course, the object that made Fei say that isn't something that she can see without a mirror. Everyone else can see it more clearly than ever though, the bulky choker being in plain sight now that she isn't wearing the cloak anymore that used to obscure it.
She falls quiet in the wake of this, not commenting on the matter of ruins that might have a possible connection to this, though looking pretty uncomfortable just thinking about going closer to a place that might cause her to lose control again. It's definitely too soon. She doesn't feel at all ready, just nodding quietly to the notion of taking a break from investigating. As unusual as it is for Xantia to not jump at possible leads regarding her past, it's probably understandable under the circumstances. Even if they're both saying they'd be better prepared...
"...I really hope it doesn't. It's a little bit hazy, but I remember everything I did and said while I wasn't myself... but some of those things, I don't know how I did them, or why I said them. It was like I knew more at the time than I do now. So I'm afraid that 'I' would be better prepared, too..."
Xantia headtilts when Rosaline mentions talking about something in a more private setting, with Elly around as well. She has no idea what that's about, but isn't about to press the matter. Besides, she soon has another question to answer, which causes her to avert her eyes for a moment, bearing a deep frown. Still not very pleased with Jolen, even if she can't think of him as a bad person.
"...I guess so. He said I attacked him and the people he was with. That I looked afraid." She brings a hand to her chin, pausing to think for a moment before she continues. "I don't know. I remember that a little bit now, just not all the details... I don't think it was exactly the same thing, back then." That's as detailed as that's going to get for now, it seems.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"Um, I mean," Fei explains to Xantia. "You have the same 'lines' that Lily has so that must mean similar tech right?" Fei's understanding is pretty limited and fractured as well here, pointing towards Xantia's choker to offer up an example.
He nods though. "Yeah. We'll be heading out soon." Like when staff says chapter 2 begins for example. Rosaline even goes so far as to bring up when she's lost control and Fei laughs awkwardly because he really has no room to grief Rosaline on that. "Well, we've got something in common. If we stick together, maybe we'll be able to help each other out."
He pauses when Rosaline mentions something PERSONAL. He doesn't seem to have an idea of what that could be. "Of course," Fei says. "I'll let Elly know."
He looks towards Xantia as she explains the situation with Jolen Crann. "Well, maybe if you remember what you were feeling that day...it's a step closer to rememering everything."
Would other Xantia be better prepared? Maybe, but Fei resolves to stop pressing that button. "Anyway, I should head back soon. I don't want to keep Emeralda by herself too long right now."
<Pose Tracker> Rosaline Calice has posed.
"Oh, Aquvy? I wish you luck, then. I've never been there myself..." It probably didn't need to be said, but still. "Maybe I'll meet you there, I'm still not sure about my next move myself..." She'll likely go where the Fox Company goes, but that has yet to be decided.
She doesn't speak up on the matter of cybernetics, only making gentle shooshing motions so they don't speak of this too loudly. The Ethos may be charitable, but if cybernetics are involved, they may start finding excuses to take a second look at you. Her eyes linger on Xantia's choker as she does this.
"I see... That's odd." Afraid? Was she on the run? But from whom? And if so, wouldn't they have caught her since she lost her memories? Something odd is going on there, but then they already knew that. "Well, a memory is a memory, I suppose. It's a start." Though Jolen did bring up the possibility of her mind not handling the strain of regaining them. Well. That'll be another thing to pray about.
"By the way, that reminds me... How much do you remember of our... dream, I suppose you could call it? There were three Xantias, one young, one adult and one... the same age, but scarred." She looks to Fei. "I was thinking the young one was likely the 'you' we spoke to after the battle, but the scarred one trips me up. She seemed to know more of what was going on than the other two." She shakes her head. "But maybe it's not something to worry about right now. Doing so might just cause unnecessary grief."
Fei says they should head off, and Rosaline reaches for her broom again. "Oh, then I won't keep you much longer. ...Who's Emeralda? A new friend of yours?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia blinks blankly at Fei. "The same lines...? But, that can't be..." She trails off. She feels certain that she would've noticed, if she was the same as Lily in that regard. Still, she can't explain how she knew exactly what was going on with Lily's body. There being some kind of connection would make sense.
Then Fei points at her neck. Xantia doesn't understand immediately, until she raises a hand and places it where he pointed. That thing. She's so used to it that she doesn't even feel it anymore. But now that she's aware of it, and brings it into relation with the 'lines'... her hand grips the choker, as best as she can.
"...So that's it. It's this stupid necklace's fault!" She pulls on it, more out of frustration than anything else. She already knows it won't do anything. Back in the early days of her memory, it bothered her, and she tried to get it off many times. But it proved capable of withstanding even her level of physical strength. And it's starting to look like there was a good reason for that.
Rosaline begins shooshing at that moment, so Xantia restrains herself from letting out the full force of her frustration with this. She only lets out a low growl as she releases the 'necklace', mumbling, "I never realized..." To be fair, there was really no way to realize. It looks perfectly ordinary when the circuits aren't visible, even a trained eye wouldn't be able to discern the advanced technology hidden inside without specialized equipment.
Though she manages to calm down, it takes visible effort on her part. It's so vexing to have not known about this for so long. She tries her best to distract herself by following Fei's prompting to think back, to try and remember what she was feeling on the day of her fateful meeting with Jolen's party. Unwittingly confirming one of Rosaline's thoughts.
"I don't know what I was afraid of, exactly... but I know I'd been running from something. I've been sure of that for a long time. I'm sure I could remember what it was, if it wasn't for that... thing that he put in my head."
That didn't help her frustration much, it just shifted it back to Jolen and his artificial memory block. And neither does Rosaline's change of topic, so she still sounds a bit annoyed when she replies to the query regarding the mindscape. "I remember that fine... even if I was there in pieces, kind of. You were talking to parts of me. The part that wants her memories back more than anything. The part that wants to make a fresh start and leave the past behind. And..."
She frowns. Even Xantia herself isn't completely sure about that scarred Xantia, by the looks of it. As near as she can figure it, "...I think that's the part of me who knows exactly what I was so afraid of, way back when." She brightens a bit when she considers, "If that's true... it wasn't blocked. Maybe there's still a way I can remember."
By the time Emeralda's name is dropped, she looks to be in a better mood. "Oh, Fei told me about her! I haven't met her yet though. She's a young girl that's staying with the Black Wolves right now." She leaves Fei to fill in the details there.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"Xantia, maybe we shouldn't mess with that," Fei says hurriedly, eyes wide. "We don't know exactly what it does. You might need it." He looks relieved when Rosaline manages to shoosh her into avoiding some extreme behavior.
He considers the various Xantias they ran into. He considers trying to ask his other self about it, since maybe he knows but...honestly, the idea that he himself might be someone who ends up discarded one day so he can become his true self...that makes him worry.
Fei looks down at the floor quietly without saying anything.
At least, not until Rosaline asks about Emeralda. "Oh, Emeralda." Fei says. "I guess you could say...she's Elly and mine's daughter?"
It sounds strange to actually use that word himself despite the needling from the others, but...it doesn't sound wrong.
<Pose Tracker> Rosaline Calice has posed.
Rosaline was rather curious herself about that choker after their fight, but unfortunately looking into it further would have required them to be in a bigger Ethos facility, one where people would have been much likelier to ask inconvenient questions. Rosaline trusts the suspicious sorts she tends to travel with, but she can understand why her higher-ups would take a dim view of the dangerous technology they carry around... even if they sometimes don't know it.
She simply hums when Xantia confirms her thought. Perplexing. But Xantia has better insight into those parts of herself, and so Rosaline nods, her expression lightening in understanding. But... it seems even Xantia isn't sure about her scarred self. "Well... that's promising, at least." Rosaline's tone is less than hopeful, however. This Xantia didn't seem like a happy one.
But Rosaline is already back to sweeping when Fei explains who Emeralda is. "Oh, of course, of course..." she says, nodding along, the words clearly not registering.
Only a moment later, possibly once the two are already out of earshot, does she look up and go. "Wait, daughter? Bwaah!?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Of course Xantia never once considered that the necklace might have some function vital to her as well until Fei mentions it. Doesn't make it any less vexing, but at least she's been dissuaded from trying to mess with it further.
It still does feel unfair, that for her current self to exist, she's forcing another part of herself to effectively not exist. She's vaguely felt that way before, but the experiences in the mindscape made it all feel a lot more real. But, thanks to those who were with her, she's at peace with that... for now. She nods in agreement with Rosaline's statement, she certainly believes that all this is promising.
Fei clarifies who Emeralda is, to which Xantia shoots him a confused look, but she doesn't say anything. It's only while the two make their way further down the hallway that Xantia manages to put her thoughts on this in order, at least enough so for her to wonder aloud...
"Am I an aunt now?"