2019-03-24: Making Talia Cry

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  • Log: 2019-03-24: Making Talia Cry
  • Cast: Talia, Ivan
  • Where: Luca - Port District
  • Date: March 24, 2019
  • Summary: Ivan and Talia are reunited! But it isn't the happiest of reunions.

==========================<* Luca - Port District *>==========================

Luca is the largest port and second-largest city in Spira, located the southern tip of the archipelago's largest island. Its location as the central port for Spira's surrounding islands has turned Luca into a thriving economic hub; Besaid, Kilika, and a dozen smaller islands all send their goods to Luca for sale, and even the Al Bhed are known to trade here from time to time.

The port district is an immense, bustling area. The largest port in Luca brings in ships from across Spira -- from small fishing ships from Besaid to Al Bhed salvage ships to large sailing vessels from Bevelle -- and a massive market to match. A large seawall keeps the waters at bay, with piers extending out past the seawall into the water.

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CIlRCYnZcg
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

Just two days ago, Talia was left staring down at the cowboy hat once worn by Seraph Ragnell. It drifted down to her feet, after she was pulled into the heart of Filgaia -- or outright killed in the final blasts of energy. It was only a little later that, through sorcerous happenstance, she was whisked away and found herself in the city of Luca, on Lunar.

She is not, however, in a part of Lunar she knows... and, despite being surrounded by people, Talia feels as if she is quite alone. The smell of salt in Luca's air, the humidity (damn that fur collar), and the fact a huge ball of water is periodically suspended over the center of the city...

Somehow, despite the Blue Star being back in the sky, this place feels more alien than Filgaia ever did.

Luca is crowded, though. For someone who came here, whether by recent teleportation or the more common boat, it is easy to be lost in the crowd. In the middle of Luca's markets, Talia stands out in that she doesn't: she has the same blue coat, with armor on, and a fur-trimmed collar as ever. Her black hair is a little longer than when she was last here. The main difference is that is looking down, regretfully, at what is in her hands:

A strange, wide-brimmed brown leather hat. It has a feather, with greens and whites, and a red band around it. Talia looks down at it, her expression thoughtful and distracted. A few people brush by her.

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

Ivan has traveled ahead to Luca in search of some representative of Spiran leadership that couldn't be found in the ravaged Kilika. It's also an opportunity to get some sense of the place and people to bring back to the Guard... and Lubov. For now, he's simply making his way through the city, taking it all in. Despite the strangeness of his surroundings, he finds himself relaxing a bit in the anonymity of the crowd. Invisible again at last, the way it should be.

He's on one of various bridges criscrossing the city, traversing over a thoroughfare below, and pauses to look out over the railing at the bustling crowds. One figure catches his eye, at first from the lack of movement within the crowd, and then from a growing shock of familiarity.

It can't be! But could it be!?

Before he has time for second thoughts or doubts, he is racing toward her, initially against the current of foot traffic, but he grows frustrated trying to push ahead of people down the stairs and just jumps the railing, grabbing onto a banner secured to the edge and riding it down the fast way. He hits the ground still running, and almost collides into her as he rushes forward, trying to catch her before she vanishes into nonexistence or turns out to be someone else.

"TALIA?!"

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

Talia's eyes are locked onto that weird, brown hat. (It is, in truth, more like a cowboy hat; an article of clothing that is practically alien to all parts of the Silver Star until recently.) She steps aside when a large, blue-furred Ronso steps past her and seems ready to bowl her over. She doesn't even hear the voice, from across the crowd and the railing.

But when she turns slightly, to duck away from the Ronso, Ivan can see her in profile. There can be little doubt, then; the high cheekbones, the small but sharp nose, and the same red eyes that he has. She does turn, however, at the commotion of the crowd when someone leaps the railing--

"Hey!"
"What're you doing!?"
"WATCH IT!"

--and then Talia's eyes change, in an instant. From a narrowed, suspicious confusion; to a wide-eyed disbelief; to an overjoyed, happy widening matched by a bright smile, and then she isn't running away but running to meet him. Talia hugs him hard enough to spin, and Ragnell's hat is crumpled in her hand.

"VANYA!"

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

Ivan's face crumples with emotion when he reaches her, seeing his sister's face and her recognition. It's not an uncomplicated relief so much as everything he's felt in the past six months since her dissappearance colliding into chaos as half of the feelings try to spontaneously reverse themselves, while others are recast with deeper shame and dread.

But Talia is alive! She's alive, and she's here! He throws himself into the hug with equal force.

"What happened to you?! I thought you were dead!"

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

"I-It was a close thing, no?" Talia says, laughing and blinking her eyes. She works with the hat with one hand -- until she straightens it, idly, over his shoulder. It's hard and a little awkward, because she is busy looking at his face. And, really, looking Ivan over in the first place.

She might be making sure he looks like he is unharmed. A thousand worries that she pushed down come back; with Ivan on another planet, there was so much to dread and so little that could be done.

"This huge monster attacked Azado, and I was there, and... ah, someone tried to murder me but someone else stopped them and--" Talia laughs. It sounds so absurd; she isn't sure where to start.

A little voice whispers in the back of her mind that he might not know yet.

"I missed you so much. I thought of you every day, no?" she says, and then she pulls the hat over -- not putting it on, but using leather strings wound through it to let the hat hang down behind her back. "You are well! And here! Where is here? You would not believe where I have been!"

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

"You wouldn't believe what I've--" He cuts himself off. This isn't the time to talk about his stupid adventures, when he still doesn't know where she was, or why he hasn't heard from her in so long!

"But wait--you didn't tell me anything! Just people trying to kill you and not trying to kill you? I haven't heard from you in months! Why didn't you contact us? Why didn't you contact me? Were you badly hurt and recovering? Are you hurt?"

He pulls back from her suddenly, to make sure he didn't shatter her with enthusiastic hugging.

"I really did think you were dead." He catches up to himself, the implications beginning to sink in, of what it might mean for her to be alive, but presumed gone.

"...The old man thinks you're dead." He says it out loud as he thinks it, almost whispering, like Lubov might hear him from across the sea. Is that an opportunity for her? He looks at her questioningly, his eyes widening. ...is that an opportunity she already used?

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

Talia flinches, slightly, at the words, 'I haven't heard from you in months.' She is good at hiding emotions on her face, but her guard is down and she looks halfway to tears already. She takes a deep breath, but can't get the guilty look off her face. "I--I know," she says. "I'm okay. Nothing that bad, now, no? I just--ah--"

She glances to the side. Lubov thinks she is dead. It registers as a surprise to her, and that feels like such an utter relief. She had feared that he knew she had turned on him, that he would turn on everyone else. Or, maybe he does know, and hasn't told Ivan. She can't discount the idea.

"I... um... I ran away," she says, in a smaller voice. "I went to Azado because I heard it was the last place you were. I--I didn't find you there, then that creature attacked. And, then, ah... one of the people I had double crossed on that old bastard's orders, she took exception to that, and--"

Talia swallows. "I almost died. And then, ah..." She quiets down. It's a lot to explain, and she isn't meeting his eyes now, because she still never managed to find him.

And he didn't escape Lubov.

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

He quiets with concern and listens to her story, brows knitting and regret welling up as she describes what sounds like a brutal attack against her. He didn't know what was happening, but that doesn't change the fact that he wasn't there for her, then. All he did was wait for word, and keep following orders, after all. It isn't as if he ran to Azado to try to find her.

"And then...?" he asks, softly.

It sounds like she is working her way up to bad news, and he can't help but suspect that bad news is 'I'm free now, and I am never coming back.'

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

She debates, for a moment, if she should explain how she ran away. She decides against it -- at least not yet. She debates other things; if she should have gotten him word some other way, or if it was too risky. She thought that seeing Ivan again would dispel the second-guessing and doubting.

It doesn't. She swallows, before she looks down.

"...Somehow, we were all taken to the Blue Star." She points up at it, in the sky; the large, too-large moon of the Silver Star, with its distant blue oceans and clouds visible even from here. "I do not understand how, no? But--after Kaguya tried to kill me, ah, a--um--a friend... came along. She healed me. And then we were on the Blue Star until, um."

Talia smiles, sheepishly. "...Yesterday. I--" She hesitates. "I tried to find a way back, but there wasn't one. I..." She isn't sure what to say. Instead, nervously, she changes the subject: "...how have you been?"

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

...That...is a lot. Ivan staggers back a step as if physically struck by so much weird information. She's been on another world?! 'Kaguya' tried to kill her--the same Kaguya of the Guard?

"I've--I've been good!" His voice cracks unconvincingly with that, and he dives into his many other questions as a distraction measure.

"You've been on the Blue Star?! Isn't it desolate and impossible to survive there?! How did you eat?! How did you get back? I think I've been traveling with the woman who tried to kill you! Do you want revenge?! Who is your friend, you have friends now?! Are they from here or there?!" Has he been replaced? He narrowly stops himself from saying that one out loud.

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

It is a lot.

Talia blinks; she has more than enough experience to realize that Ivan is not 'good,' and she isn't sure how to start interrogating him on that. Besides, the questions come rapid-fire, and she is rather flustered.

"Ah, it is not as desolate as advertised, no? And it has fantastic machinery, but a lot of it is becoming a very awful desert. There is also a girl, she is very nice. And I--er--you are traveling with Kaguya?" She tenses; she looks, immediately, more guarded. Talia's eyes dart left and right, in that practiced way like she expects an ambush.

"...She is here?" she asks. "You are--what are you doing here? And where is here? I have never seen a city like this anywhere before, Vanya!"

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

"You met a nice girl on the moon!?" Ivan asks this loudly and incredulously, as if the idea could be shamed out of existence by its own absurdity. "Is she here, too?"

He pauses, noticing her distress at the mention of Kaguya.

"No, I think it's all right, I left her behind in Kili--wait, you fell here out of the sky, you don't know where anything is. Sorry. I'll back up."

He looks back and forth over his shoulders to ascertain they are still where he thinks they are, then throws out his arms a little, almost doing something akin to jazz hands. "This... is the mythical continent of Spira!!"

He had too many heartsick moments of thinking how much more Talia would appreciate this stupid place to pass up the opportunity to try to make an exciting announcement out of it for her.

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

"Ah--well, here, actually. It was... ah... it was when I decided to run. She was there, then, when everything... started falling apart." The last he saw her, she had been doing a long and complicated job. She never explained much; Talia has regretted that ever since. She regrets it now.

Talia seems to calm, a little, to hear that Kaguya is not in Luca. If Kaguya was in Luca, then she would have to do something. She glances about -- and then looks back at him. There is a moment's pause.

Then, she giggles at Ivan; not laughs cheerfully or playfully, but actually genuinely giggles like it's cute and funny. If only someone else were around to see the difference. "Van-ya. You should not pull my leg like this, no? We cannot be--"

A beat.

"Oh, Goddess. You are serious!" she says. "We are on Spira! It explains so much. But... what are you doing here? How did you get to Spira? You--you weren't on the Blue Star the entire time, too, were you?"

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

"Just--no, I traveled in a boat! I've just been here, doing shitty jobs! I--that's the other part, the old man put me in Althena's Guard for some reason. I met Dragonmaster Ghaleon! And he's actually a dick! And the Black Wizard Borgan! Who I think is also a dick. And the White Knight Leo..."

He hesitates, not wanting to show a chip in his armor of cynicism, but also not wanting to systematically ruin half of the Four Heroes for Talia in one blow.

"...he might be all right?"

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

"Oh, he is a dick? They are both dicks? This is sad. I would much rather think they are not," Talia says. She swallows, then, and glances down at the ground. Is that why Kaguya was here? Because Althena's Guard came out here?

She can make a guess as to why: because of Sin. Because they were here to follow monster that killed so many people in Azado.

She looks back up at him. "It is good that White Knight Leo is not so bad. So you are... Lubov sent you," she says. She sounds wary. "Ivan... I-I ran away. I was--I couldn't keep doing this thing. It is like we talked about, so many times, no?"

Her voice trembles when she says it. She is aware, suddenly, of how many people are around -- and nevermind that they aren't watching, because it feels like they are.

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

Ah, so they're facing it, now. He forces a smile that only stays for a moment, his posture sagging as his eyes drift away from hers. "...so you really did quit. I mean--good. I'm happy for you. Our life sucks. Sucked." He can't decide what tense to use. It's still happening, but it's not theirs anymore.

"And it serves him right to lose you. And... well, I've always wanted to be the best, anyway, so now I don't have to hear about being bad at the job and falling behind anymore, because I'm the only one. And you can do whatever stuff you've always wanted to do with being free. What kind of stuff have you been doing? Have you had any time for fun, or is it all just trying to stay alive and getting tossed from one world to another?"

The smile keeps trying to return, and falling away again.

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

This is a conversation that she has played out, a thousand times in her mind. She rehearsed it to herself at night; she thought all the twists and turns it could go through. None of that comes through, now. It feels childish -- like the desperate imaginings of a girl who was hurt and scared to hope. Or, worse, like the guilty indulgence of someone who knew she left him behind.

She feels her neck and jaw straining. She thinks she might really start to cry, and she makes herself swallow to stop that. "Vanya... it--it isn't like..." The protest dies in her throat. It has been over six months. It has been like that for him.

"...It has been great," she says, quietly. "I made... I made friends. Ones who understand a little of it, but still don't hate me. I--I think I fell in love, no? I don't know that for sure. You..." She forces a smile, and feels her eyes misting up. Stinging.

"Vanya. You could come with me," she says. "You don't have to stay with them. He is so far away, now, and--and you could have those things, too. Like we said we wanted, when we were little. No?"

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

"That's great." But something in Ivan's voice suggests he might have been hoping it wasn't quite so great, that she didn't find acceptance and happiness and freedom as soon as she unintentionally cut him loose. Talia has always been different from him, though. She's happy, and fun, and lovable. It's not a huge shock to find that he was holding her back.

"Talia, what--" he laughs a little, darkly. "Of course I can't come with you. I don't like people. People don't like me. I don't belong with them. What am I going to do with your friends, brag to them about how well I cut throats?"

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

Talia steps away from him. It is something done out of shock, out of a little hurt, and not out of repulsion. She regrets it just the same.

"Don't--don't say that," she says. She shakes her head quickly; she wants to laugh, or cry, or maybe scream. She wants to do all of those and none of those. "You could come with me! You could--you could do something else, now? What about--what about all those times we talked about leaving, Ivan?"

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

"That was... before I gave up?" Ivan shrugs, as if that's a casual thing to say, or something he wished she'd know without him saying it. Earlier, he was having trouble smiling to reassure her. Now he can't keep a smile off his face, but it's a smile of guilty self consciousness.

"It's not your fault--you didn't ask to disappear. But--I gave up, Talia. The job was all I had these past few months, so-- ...I learned to like it. And I'm getting better at it. But I mean--I can't just--quit and go pretend to be a good person, now. I learned to LIKE it."

He tries to convey with tone what he doesn't want to use more specific words for--that he started to take pride and satisfaction out of the actual act of killing.

He covers his face for a moment, and laughs at himself again, trying to wave it away. "It would be pretty messed up to go begging people to like me at this point. I don't really want to run away, or get forgiven, or any of that kind of thing. I just want to be really, really good at what I do. So that's that, all right? We both got what we wanted, and everything's fine."

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

The smile on his face unnerves her. It isn't like the playful, empty liar's smile she knows so well. It looks sincere, but it doesn't look happy. She feels herself shaking her head more than anything.

"Vanya, you--" He likes this. She stares at him, feeling confused and frightened. One hand lifts over her chest, her fingers balling up until they're a tight fist. "You don't have to do this! You don't--you don't have to be alone! You don't..."

She trails off. What right does she have to tell him this? Her friends saved her. None of them, though, understand the depths of her crimes. He doesn't know them. She bites her lower lip. "Vanya, please. We're this close to the life we always wanted, no? We're just a few steps away..."

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

Ivan's voice rises. "I said I don't want to go with you!"

"That life's not for me, it's just for you, and you've got it now and that's great, and I'm happy for you."

But there's anger flaring in his eyes.

"Quit looking at me like it's awful that I want to go on being myself, it's just... it's just proving my point."

Have they already diverged enough that she could think he's a monster too, now?

"It doesn't have to be goodbye forever, we can still talk. Or can we? Do you still talk to people like me?"

He's dimly aware that he should try to keep the nasty edge out of his voice, but still too raw from admitting he threw his soul in the garbage the minute she took her eye off of him that he's not doing a very good job of self control.

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

She flinches when Ivan raises his voice. Somehow, though, that keeps Talia from stepping back further. It might be, after being shouted at so many times by Lubov, such a thing doesn't scare her the way it once did. It is familiar, in a way that Ivan speaking about himself this way is not.

She blinks her eyes, quickly. They're burning when she does. "You're--"

She closes her mouth, not trusting those words to come out the way she wants them. Why is it happening like this? She hears the edge in his voice -- almost accusatory -- and feels her fist balling until her fingers dig into the leather of her glove.

"Of course I still talk to you!" Talia looks back up. "You're--you're my brother! I missed you every day! I wanted to see you, talk to you, tell you everything! But I can't--I can't look at you and see a murderer! What was it all for, if that's all we become!?"

This time, she starts raising her voice, too. A few people in the market are starting to mike wide arcs around them.

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

"We became that the first time we did it, that's how murder works! We can't just take it back."

He pauses, takes a sharp breath in and out. He doesn't want to spit on her life, her escape, her freedom, her everything. Why is that exactly what he's doing?

"I didn't mean that. I want you to be happy. I can't just take it back. I went too far. I can't think of it like I was a victim anymore."

He's making two contractictory arguments, but he doesn't know how to defend his position without attacking hers. Be happy, Talia. But don't drag him into your happiness where he doesn't belong and make him look innocent people in the eye.

<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.

Talia stares at her brother. Her fingers tremble at her side; they slip away from being balled up into a fist until they're slack at her side, while he finishes that thought.

'We became that the first time we did it.'

She remembers shattered windows. She remembers rain pouring into a Pendrago penthouse, high in the noble district; she remembers the way rainwater and blood pooled and mixed, with the same consistency. She remembers a note, with the ink bleeding away in her hand, but the characters burnt into her mind. She remembers her sins -- the same ones that, in the Trial Knight's ward, she could only run from.

And she starts crying.

It isn't a few tears in her eyes; it isn't a choked up voice and words that are hard to come out. Talia starts crying, shoulders heaving, and her face crumpled and puffy and red all at once.

And then she turns on a foot and starts running. She slips when she does, nearly falling flat on her face, except the same grace and agility she learned to kill people helps her stand up straighter, and keep running, right around a corner and into the crowd.

Threatening to vanish, just as he feared she might.

<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.

"Talia!" Ivan feels himself choking up as well in response to her tears, and he starts after her, driven by remorse for hurting her and fear of losing her again. But as she disappears further into the crowd, his steps falter and finally stop, as it hits him that he can't help her. He caused this, and he's not the one who can make it better.

Making Talia feel better--helping her heal from the hurtful things he said--that belongs to those other people that she found. The ones who make her happy, and represent the freedom and acceptance from the outside world that she always wanted. From now on, he's just a rock that would drag her down.

So he lets her go.