2019-06-18: All Decisions are Dangerous
- Log: 2019-06-18: All Decisions are Dangerous
- Cast: Ivan, Talia
- Where: The Moonflow
- Date: June 18, 2019
- Summary: Talia and Ivan try to have a normal visit and catch up on recent events, but end up reaching another impasse.
===============================<* The Moonflow *>=============================== The Moonflow is a large river that bisects Spira's largest island into southern and northern halves. Strange flowers called Moonlilies grow on the Moonflow's banks, attracting pyreflies that gather on its surface at night, making the water sparkle. Although a beautiful area, the weather tends to be overcast more often than not, the souls of the dead providing the most reliable source of illumination. The primary method of crossing the Moonflow is aboard a shoopuf - an elephantine creature that can swim across the expansive river. The crossing service is funded by the Temple of Yevon and is free of charge. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wcVnJQ-FN4
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
After realizing he could call Talia on one of those communication sphere things, Ivan is finally able to meet up with her on purpose, rather than just hoping to randomly run into her in Luca sometimes! Ah, the wonders of modern technology... magic... whatever it is.
When he arrives at their discussed meeting place near the Moonflow, he first scouts around a bit to make sure there's nobody hanging out anywhere in earshot. And then, when she arrives, he announces: "Did you know you've been dating a ghost?!"
He claimed he had some kind of news... is this supposed to be news?
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
Talia walks up at the appropriate time, in the usual sleeveless shirt and pants; being out in the wilderness, she also has her cuirass on and blades at her side. She slows to a stop at the sudden question from her twin brother -- the joy that she felt at this being easier fading into a familiar annoyance.
"Hi, Vanya," she says with a sigh. "It is nice to see you, too."
Then, she tilts her head; her expression screws up, before she says: "Yes, I knew! She mentioned this thing to me, no? She is a very cute ghost."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"Oh, right, good to see you!" Ivan was too wound up about getting to drop this non-bombshell to think about greetings, Talia!
"Well... ... ... good. At least you know." He doesn't know what he expected, really! Maybe it was less about Talia knowing or not knowing, and more about getting to shout about it incredulously some more. The incredulous shouting does help.
"I went to see her again and she told me a bunch of stuff about her past life. You probably know all of it all ready, but it was a lot! A lot of big, shocking things!"
Only two or three shocking things. But they were each very significant!
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
"Ah... yeah, she has been through a lot, hasn't she?" Talia says, with a thoughtful look. She rubs the back of her head and sighs. She knew he went to talk to Amaranth; she told her as much yesterday. She cracks a smile, finally.
"I knew about it, but... it wasn't my thing to tell, no? She said she wanted you to know." Since she had offered her home (their home?) to him.
"But, um--" She glances to the side, and her face reddens. "...That was part of how this all started, no? She understood. In a way that, um, that people who haven't been in this sort of situation never really can."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"I didn't really think her life sounded all that similar to ours," Ivan grumbles. There's the cult, the kidnapping, the blinding, the dying and turning into a Seraph, the being hundreds of years old... surely Talia can't relate to that stuff! Only a tiny little slice in there sounds like anything resembling their upbringing, in Ivan's opinion.
"She seems nice and stuff, though."
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
"She was still an assassin, because someone told her to be," Talia answers. She glances to the side. "And it was hard for her, and she felt like it tainted a lot of parts of her life. The details are different, but... I know how that feels. She knew how I felt."
She hesitates a second; then, she looks back up at Ivan, and her head tilts. A little smile creeps across her face, then.
"She is nice, no?" she says. "Ammy is one of the sweetest people ever. I'm glad you went back to talk to her. She really does care about you, no?"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"Maybe she's got a lot in common with just you," he says. "Which is all she needs to have, I guess." He shrugs. He doesn't like the thought that as ex-assassins, the two of them now suddenly have more common ground than he does from sharing a whole childhood with Talia. Maybe that's what happens when you reinvent yourself. You stop being who you used to be.
He sighs. "What do you mean, though, about caring? Because she told me her secrets?"
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
"Both of us," Talia says. "It wasn't like we met after I stopped working for Lubov, Vanya."
She looks down for a second. Her brow furrows; she has to put her thoughts in order. "That is part of it," she says. "She doesn't just tell her secrets to anyone. But... she likes you. She said she thinks she has a lot in common--not, ah, just background, but ways she felt and spoke to people."
She looks up at Ivan, then she cracks a smile. "And, besides. you came back to say hi! It is good, no?"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan squints doubtfully at all of that, but especially at the bit about Katherine saying she had personality stuff in common with him. You can almost see him incredulously superimposing the bright and emotive individual he met inside the magic house with his own grouchy and malcontented persona.
"I don't get it," he says, flatly. "And we've already established that I have a choice now and I chose this whole life, so I don't think I have anything in common with somebody who was kidnapped into it and blinded so she couldn't run away and has people coming after her like a thousand years after she already died because she's not allowed to leave." A breath. "And I didn't come back to say hi! I just wanted to help her with her assassin problem so you can keep having her around."
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
"It wasn't like Lubov left us many choices," Talia says. "And every rebellion was either pointless, or just got us hurt." She leans back, and then she looks at him for a second. Amaranth mentioned that he had tried to do that -- offered to find and kill that assassin, for her sake. Her lips purse for a second.
"Well... it is nice of you to offer that, even if it is entirely for my sake. I am rather fond of her. But... you should be careful, no? I only know the little bit that she told me and the little bit that Lubov told me about the Shadow Dragon Clan. They are not good, no?"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"But it's easy now, isn't it? I should just leave, right?" There's bitter sarcasm in that. It bothers him how she's been acting like his refusal to quit is this unfathomable choice, when neither of them could bring themselves to try to leave for so long. That she's aknowledging now that there might be some reasons after all is a bit too little too late, and just makes him feel petty.
He frowns at the elaboration about the cult hunting Katherine. "It isn't not for her sake at all. I like her. I don't want her to be horribly killed or anything." Regardless of her sister-stealing crimes.
"But we're definitely not on a best friends dropping by to say hi, really-caring-very-much sort of basis."
He shrugs. "I'm not good either. They should worry about me, too."
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
"I know it's not easy," Talia says, with a glance downward. "But... it would be better, and I feel like here, we have the best chance to get away from him." Besides, perhaps, Filgaia -- but he hasn't been there. Talia doesn't know a way to get back there.
"It... it is worth the risk," she says. Then, she looks up; she blinks once at Ivan, before she cracks a little smile when he admits he likes Ammy.
"We have to have something to work towards, no?" Talia tilts her head. "But, I am serious. Be careful. I know our upbringing was hard. I know we are both dangerous. I know you think... all the things you do. But..."
She frowns. "...They are supposed to be without remorse. They like hurting people. And there are lots of them."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"This is a good place to hide because he's got no reason to think there's any runaway assassins here. If I dissappear, then it's the first place he's going to want to look for runaway assassins." He shrugs. "And it doesn't matter anyway because I like the job now and I don't even want to leave."
Talia tries again to warn him about the Shadow Dragon Clan.
"What's the alternative? Let them win?" He folds his arms, looking askance. "I don't really fit in the new family dynamic. Maybe if I can pull off something useful like this, I can be a little bit 'the cool brother who helps keep everyone safe' instead of just 'the angry brother who dissappointed everyone.' "
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
"No! Definitely not," Talia says. "If it comes to it... well, we handle them the way we always do. I mean, ah..." She trails off for a second, and then she reaches a hand out. She pats him on the shoulder.
"You aren't a disappointment, Vanya. You're frustrating, but I know... it isn't easy for you, no?" It feels hard to put into words; she was so used to not saying things she felt that, sometimes, she cannot find the words she should find. She stammers, a moment, here.
"I just don't want you to get into a danger I cannot help you with, easily," she says. "If someone is after Ammy, I would help too, no?"
She doesn't comment on whether he counts as cool. (He does, mostly.)
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"'The way we always do?'" He asks. She tries to reassure him, but he doesn't look super reassured.
"Maybe I won't even find them, so don't worry. I'm not going to go around like 'hey secret assassin, come fight me!' " If he DID want a secret assassin to come after him so he could take them out, maybe that would be more efficient, though... he's just not sure he's capable of the kind of constant vigilance it would take to ensure he got a fight out of it rather than getting taken out in one cheap shot.
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
"If they really intend to kill Ammy... I'll fight them, and whatever else is necessary," Talia says. "Or capture her. It is not something I could tolerate, no? Ammy... she can fight, but it is hard for her. It is better -- easier -- if she does not do this thing, no?"
She cracks a little smile, then she reaches out, and pats him on the shoulder. "I understand. All I'm asking is to be careful, no? I don't want anything to happen to you."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"Well, it's not like it's any safer if you do it, so you be careful, too." He sighs.
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you. I, uh. I got out of doing the hit on the Caravan Kinship people. Probably. Lord Leo hasn't gotten the message over yet about needing them to definitely not be dead, but it seemed like Lubov believed me that it was coming."
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
"I know," Talia sighs.
Then she looks up -- and she looks relieved nearly immediately. She might have been willing to fight Ivan, but it didn't mean she enjoyed it. She tilts her head, then finally breaks into a smile. "I'm glad to hear that, no? It made things stressful. Ah, and keeping Jacqueline safe... it is no easy thing!"
She pauses, then frowns. "It is good Lubov believed it, though. Thank you for that, Vanya."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"It was a dumb job, getting sent after the most weirdly nice person in the universe, for the sake of somebody who didn't even want her dead." Ivan shrugs uncomfortably. "But I'm not going to be able to keep doing that, and I've already got a lot of failures stacked up because you kept stopping me, so can you try not to take an interest in the next one?"
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
Talia looks down, at the request, and then sighs. "...I know it is risky." She doesn't say what is plainly obvious: if he stopped, then he wouldn't have to kill them. "I can't promise it. But... I will try to not get you hurt by him. I want to help you, no? I know you don't see things that way. But... trust me, that I do not want to get you hurt or worse, no?"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"...What does me getting hurt have to do with anything?" Ivan sputters. "I'm just asking you not to get in my way when I do horrible stuff, because I want to be able to have some pride in succeeding at my stupid, evil job. Okay?" It's not that complicated and there definitely isn't any fear of bodily harm involved. Ivan is willing to risk all kinds of bodily harm, no hesitation!!
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
Talia frowns, then.
"I don't want you to be hurt, but I don't want you to be--doing... that." She looks to the side. "I know... I didn't help, no? I wasn't there. I was going crazy, when I couldn't find a way to get back to you. I tried to find ruins that could get me here. But... it was hard for you, too, no?"
She looks up. "If you're being an assassin, you could get hurt. Or worse. And I do not want to lose you, no? So I can't promise I won't try to stop you," she says. "But I will try to protect you and not lose you again."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan looks guilty and uneasy when she talks about trying to find him while she was gone -- during the time that he thought she was dead. He can't blame her for what he went through during all of that, but he doesn't really deserve to be pitied for it, either. He spent that time giving up on trying to be good, which isn't a sad thing; it meant he was being vicious to real people. It was sad for his targets in those months...but not for Ivan.
But then he also realizes that he totally misunderstood her earlier.
"Oh, I had what you were saying totally backward." Ivan makes a face. "I think that means it's pretty dangeous either way, assassining or not assassining, and there's no reason to worry about me."
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
She flinches when he says that. Talia doesn't break eye contact, or run off, but it still visibly stings. She puts her hand up at her neck, and her expression becomes more drawn when she looks at him. "Vanya," she says. "It... I am not going to decide to not worry about you, no?"
She hesitates, before she looks down. "...I know you did terrible things. So--so did I. It isn't like those went away. But... but a world where we can do good things, and help people, and maybe one day feel like we'll be okay with ourselves, it is better, no?"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan is quiet for a while, his expression shifting through different flavors of discomfort as he mulls over her words. It's not just having done bad things, or keeping Lubov happy so he doesn't start checking up on him where he might find Talia, or being afraid of being hunted, himself. It isn't just how he hates feeling like a failure as an assassin and is crazy enough to want to prove himself to Lubov, despite everything, or how tough it would be to make sure he has enough money to keep himself alive if he were independent, or being afraid of change, or how he doesn't want to think about his choices, or how he doesn't know how to relate to anyone as a person and needs to feel like there's only one path he could possibly follow.
It's... all of that, and probably even more things if he stopped to think about it for very long. He's just not made for freedom.
"...I think it makes more sense for me to keep being bad. I'm sorry, Talia."
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
"Vanya..." Talia finally looks away at that, her hair falling over her eyes. "...I'm sorry, no? I wish I was better at this and knew what to say, to know how to help, but..." She looks up, then, and she has a sad smile on her face. It's as much affectation as anything else. She wants to scream or cry, but she has enough self control to stop that.
She reaches out and pats his shoulder. "...I don't. I am not very good at this, no? I am supposed to help you, and I barely know how to help myself. Just... try to not die, and try to not do something you will regret forever."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan looks guilty when he looks back at her. Of course she's trying to help him. Of course she isn't trying to keep rubbing in how they're different now, how she's in the outside world and redeeming herself and he's still where they both used to be, wrong and alone. She wants him to be like her again, on the new side of the line that used to divide them both from the world. But he just can't be. His shoulders slump.
"...This wasn't a very fun visit, was it? Next time I invite you for a visit I'll try to be more fun."
<Pose Tracker> Talia has posed.
Her jaw shifts in that little way like she is about to start crying, and then she clamps down before she can. She shakes her head, though she doesn't disagree. She couldn't call this fun. Finally, Talia steps forward and hugs him, tightly. "Maybe not," she admits. "But... it is a visit, no? We get that much. It is something."