2019-07-02: You Can Do It If You Try

• Log: You Can Do It If You Try
• Cast: Xantia, Seraph Clarine
• Where: Macalania
• Date: July 02, 2019
• Summary: With circumstances dire and the mood heavy, a good talker and a good listener help one another to take the next step.

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===============================<* Macalania *>================================

The Macalania region is home to two ancient, crystalline formations of unsurpassed mystery and beauty. The first is the Macalania Woods - a shining maze-like forest overseen by strange, ancient, birdlike Beastmen who speak in bizarre riddles and weave light like silk. The second is Lake Macalania - an eternally frozen lake surrounded by snowy crevasses, which one can just see the frozen Temple beneath. Macalania is a distant, remote region -- and full of its own dangers.

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jz644GeAdE

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

How did it come to this?

In light of recent events, many would be asking themselves that question. In the few short months since Drifters were sent to Spira en masse, it went from a friendly and hospitable land to the visitors from faraway lands, to an unfriendly, mistrustful one. Only for things to escalate further with one party turning violently hostile towards Spirans and Drifters alike.

How did it come to this? Don't ask Xantia. This whole situation has been bewildering to her, and still is.

One might also ask the same question regarding Xantia's own current situation. Those who come across her now will find her flat on her back, sprawled out on a patch of grass bordering the road leading into the Macalania forest, looking like she got run over by a giant lawn mower.

Well, outfit-wise, anyway. Her armor is covered in nicks and scratches, and missing a few pieces. There's no actual wounds visible anywhere on her. Whether she's in very good condition, though... She's just laying there, in what would be the middle of nowhere if it wasn't at least close to a travel route, staring up at the sky.

How did it come to this, indeed.

<Pose Tracker> Seraph Clarine has posed.

So much had happened. And Clarine had not involved herself in any of it. It was not that she didn't want to, or that she believed what the Guard were doing was just. But...to act against them would be to act against her Goddess, and that was a crime that even her Seraphim were hesitant to commit. She could not come to a decision either way - to assist in their crusade, or to stand against them for the protection of the townsfolk.

It was too much for her in the end, and so she retreated, hiding herself away in Macalania Forest. It was a mystical place, filled with a light that offered her some small amount of comfort. She needed every bit of it she could get at the moment.

At the moment, Clarine finds herself wandering aimlessly through the trees. She isn't looking for anything in particularly. She just needs to move.

...And then, suddenly, she spots a familiar face on the ground below. Clarine pauses, looking down through the treetops. For a brief moment, she feels as if she should retreat - to not bother Xantia with her presence. But...a part of her can't be worried, what with the way her armor has been damaged, and the way she is lying there...

Eventually, her worry overpowers her shame and she steps out of the trees, drifting down toward the ground below. She lands weightlessly, and takes a brief moment to look Xantia.

"...X-Xantia...?" Clarine asks, trying to get her attention.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia, of course, was heavily involved in all of it. Nobody could stop her from involving herself in just about any situation obvious enough where anybody could tell something Not Right was going on, and innocent people were getting hurt because of it.

But that was then, and this is now. Which is the same it's been for several hours now. Some might not even have thought Xantia capable of remaining inactive for as long as she has been. That alone could be worrisome.

This changes abruptly when Clarine speaks her name. Instantly, her eyes grow wide, and she lets out a yelp as she jerks upright.

"Bwa! Wha-- Clarine!? Where'd you come from?"

Her tone is almost accusatory. Clarine approached quietly of course, but she clearly didn't see the Seraph approach at all, taken completely off guard by the sudden discovery that she wasn't alone here. After catching her breath however, she quickly recovers, offering a faint smile and a more friendly tone.

"You surprised me," she clarifies needlessly. "What are you doing here?"

She pauses, and looks around with a blank expression.

"Actually, where is 'here'?"

<Pose Tracker> Seraph Clarine has posed.

"A-ah!" Clarine lets out a yelp of surprise her own and shrinks back as Xantia reacts.

"I-I...I was, um...passing through." She replies, pointing upwards to the treetops, where the branches form a walkway of their own.

"I-I apologize...it was...not my intention to alarm you. I, um, I saw you, and I...feared that you might be injured..." Clarine explains, then blinks as Xantia asks where 'here' is.

"Ah...the people of Spira call this 'Macalania Woods'. It is a place of crystalline trees, enfused with light..." Clarine explains. "How, um...how are you...?"

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Passing through. Xantia briefly glances at the treetops, but it doesn't look like she's understood that there's another way to get around over there. She still seems pretty surprised at not noticing. She was looking up this whole time! Not... at anything in particular, but still.

Then she looks down at herself, when concern is expressed over her condition. She doesn't look happy about it, running a hand across the marred surface of her chestplate. "No... not injured. It's rarely me who gets injured."

There was that one time of course, that particularly bad upper arm injury that Clarine helped her recover from. But that's indeed a rare occurance. She didn't even seem concerned about that. She actually looks more concerned now, in spite of not being injured. Or perhaps because of it.

She hmmms softly at the spoken name of their current location. "I see. I've never been here before. I just sort of... started running, and this is where I ended up."

She lowers her head, which kind of already answers the question about how she's doing. The exact reason for it might not be clear right away, but she readily volunteers that information.

"I'm a failure as a hero."

<Pose Tracker> Seraph Clarine has posed.

Clarine listens quietly and patiently, letting Xantia say her piece. So, Xantia ran, and...eventually, ended up here. It's a long way to run, but with those kinds of emotions haunting you, it feels like no time at all - and yet, at the same time, an eternity.

That is something Clarine knows from experience.

"A failure...? I am...in no position to blame or dodge you. I...too, am..." Clarine murmurs in response, shaking her head as she finds herself unable to finish the sentence.

She's quiet for a time, and then...

"What...happened, if I may ask...?" She asks, her tone quiet.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Even if Clarine doesn't finish her sentence, it draws Xantia's attention. That curious gaze probably doesn't make it any easier to keep speaking when the subject is uncomfortable. Not that Xantia understands that, she just looks confused by the silence. She's never had any trouble talking about whatever is on her mind.

Thus it should be no surprise that given the slighest prompting, the self-proclaimed hero-in-training would proceed to explain everything, in no small detail. Resting her hands on the ground by her sides, she turns her gaze skywards once again.

"You've probably heard about it... what happened in Luca. That's where I ran from. The people there were... well, they were nice to me at first, then they became not so nice after we fought Sin. Still, I didn't want anything bad to happen to them, so when those ships came, I ran over to help fight off that army."

She lowers her head. It's already obvious how it all ended, but far be it from Xantia to not state the obvious. "...It didn't work. I tried my best, but I couldn't break those Gears." Golems, technically. "I kept fighting, though. Wherever I could, I fought off Althena's Guard as they..." She shakes her head. "I didn't even care what they were trying to do at that point. I just wanted to stop them from hurting anybody any more."

She turns her head to Clarine, her expression a mix of sadness and confusion. "But, it started to feel wrong. Like... I wasn't fighting the right people. But what else could I do? They were obviously doing villainous things. As a hero, I had to fight them. No matter how many of them there are, no matter how little difference it would make... you have to stand against injustice."

With a helpless shrug, she concludes, "And yet... I ran. I'm not even sure what made me decide to finally just... give up like that. All I'm sure of is that it's not what a true hero would have done." Bitterly, she adds, "Neither is what Leo did. There were no heroes in that battle."

<Pose Tracker> Seraph Clarine has posed.

Clarine nods. Indeed, she had heard what happened in Luca - she had even seen some of it, though only briefly. She had run away before she saw how it all ended up. Once more, she listens quietly and patiently as Xantia explains what happened...

She doesn't respond for a while, instead moving to take a seat near Xantia.

"They were...following, their Goddess's will." Clarine comments. "To her followers, that makes them 'heroes', but, from the perspective of Spira..."

She trails off, and shakes her head.

"If you had stayed...what would you have done? Would that have made you a 'hero'?" Clarine asks. "I...myself, I could not even help a single person. You did more...than I possibly could have done."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

"It's not right!"

Xantia slams a fist into the soil, seeming to have chosen to replace sadness with anger, and rather suddenly at that. She softens her expression somewhat upon looking at Clarine, not wanting to make the Seraph feel like she's being yelled at. Though it's true that the words spoken just now are what prompted it.

"...That's what Leo said too. 'Althena wills it'. But that doesn't make it right! So what if their goddess wills it? If your goddess wants something that's obviously wrong, that everybody can see is something only a bad guy would do, you shouldn't do it! You should tell your goddess she's wrong, and change her mind, one way or another!"

Whoops, she's... kind of yelling at Clarine anyway, isn't she? She can't help it, she feels pretty strongly about these things. Moreover, it's all pretty simple in Xantia's mind. Religion has no meaning to her, she's never understood it very well. Plus, she's already fought one goddess she didn't agree with. She wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

"...Sorry," she says finally, at least realizing that she's probably making Clarine uncomfortable with her yelling. "It just... it makes me so mad that this happened at all. It shouldn't have. I don't understand why it did."

After lowering her head in silence for a moment, she looks back up to answer the other question. Which, right now, feels like it's even more difficult to answer. "...I don't know. I don't know what a hero is supposed to do in a situation like this, where nothing feels like it would make a difference. I guess that's why I'm not a hero yet." She can't even feel great about the things that she did manage to do, shaking her head. "I guess there'd be a lot more heroes around if it was easy."

Turning her attention back to Clarine though, she looks puzzled, asking straight out, "Why couldn't you? It's hard to stop something like this, but helping a few people, that's easy. Anyone can do it."

<Pose Tracker> Seraph Clarine has posed.

Xantia slams her fist into the ground and Clarine shrinks back a little, curling in on herself a bit as Xantia raises her voice. She clasps her hands in front of her, fidgeting nervously.

She nods quietly when Xantia apologizes, but is quiet for a moment longer.

Was it really that simple...? To tell Althena She's wrong, or to change Her mind. But...it wasn't as if she had any way of contacting Her. And...even if should could, how was she supposed to convince a Goddess?

Clarine finally looks up, however, as Xantia wonders what a hero is supposed to do in a situation like that.

"...It is...a difficult title to obtain. And...one I would not wish on anyone." Clarine replies quietly. She hesitates, then, as Xantia asks her a question.

Why couldn't she? Why couldn't she help anyone?

Clarine hangs her head.

"You know that I am...one of the Seraphim. We are...the servants, of Althena - said to be formed of her very power. To...to go against Her will, either directly, or by opposing Her Chosen...to do so would be to... to be acting in opposition to my very being, my very nature. And...I could not... I could not bring myself to do that. I...have not the will." Clarine shakes her head. "...I ran. I abandoned them."

She says it, almost in a whisper.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

It feels good to just vent about all this. Xantia absolutely needed to get that all out there. Though she'd struggle with the concept of 'a good listener', Clarine is certainly one of those. Not being much of a talker never bothers Xantia any, she can talk enough for two, possibly three people.

Yet when Clarine does speak this time, it's enough to silence Xantia for a moment. Aside from a confused "Huh?" To not wish the title of 'hero' on someone... is it even possible to get her to understand that, the way she idolizes that title?

It's not followed up upon, for the moment, as Clarine shares her own concerns. The kind of concerns which Xantia hasn't stopped to think about a second, until now. She furrows her brow and folds her arms, not immediately able to formulate a response to that one. Other than, "Hmmm... that's complicated." Far more complicated than she's used to, where it comes to judging any kind of situation.

In the end, she rubs the back of her head awkwardly, not arriving at the kind of solid response she would have liked. "Someone told me once that the great potential of humans stems from their freedom of choice. I guess I never really thought about it being any different for non-humans."

With a shrug, she continues, "There's probably not much I can say to change the way you feel about that. But... if you believe in Althena, I'm sure you believe that she means well, right? That she's... what's the word. Benevolent? So, if you wanted to do something nice for people, she wouldn't mind, right? Sooo..." She raises a finger, a playful smile coming to her lips. "If you felt like helping a few humans, it doesn't really matter what exactly happened to make them need help, does it? Nothing's stopping you from just doing what you feel like."

We'll call that line of thinking Xantia's Loophole. Or perhaps someone else should be credited, as she didn't exactly come up with that philosophy herself. "I'm sure that's what Ragnell would've said. It's what she always did. Exactly what she felt like."

<Pose Tracker> Seraph Clarine has posed.

Clarine doesn't seem to be about to elaborate. Perhaps she's afraid it might turn into an argument, and she's ill-equipped for those even on the best of days.

But, indeed, it's a complicated question. Deities tended to complicate things. She looks up again as Xantia mentions the great potential of humans - their freedom of choice.

...And then, her gaze drops right back down to the ground. She nods, quietly.

"I...I always imagined Althena to wish nothing but love and peace for the world. Benevolence, and light. But...never, in even my darkest moments, did I believe She would will...this Crusade." She says. "I do not know what to believe anymore."

Would she mind? She certainly minded the people of Spira, it seemed, and they had done nothing wrong.

There is a hint of a smile, wry though it is, as Xantia mentions Ragnell.

"...I have...always admired Ragnell's strength. Her ability to follow her own path, regardless of what others thought." She comments. "...I...envy her, I suppose..."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

It's not a coincidence that Xantia brought up Ragnell. Her viewpoints are easy for Xantia to understand. It makes absolute sense to her to do whatever you feel like at any given time. Even if those things won't make any sense to others, and are likely to put you at odds with them... if it's what you believe in, then there's nothing wrong with making that choice. It's far more respectable than going along with things that you're told to do, but obviously don't agree with. Isn't that right, Leo...?

Besides... she just might have noticed that Clarine responds positively to mentions of Ragnell. Xantia is a lot more observant than she might appear.

Of course, she knows very little about Althena and is thus completely unqualified to make a judgment call on what the goddess may or may not want. But she's fully prepared to take Clarine's word on things. Which leads her to the only logical conclusion.

"What if this isn't her will?"

She lets that question hang there for a moment, before scratching her head. "I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud right now, but..." Her expression turns fully serious then, as she looks Clarine straight in the eyes. "I think you should trust in your own beliefs. If you don't think Althena would will something like this, doesn't it make sense to believe that this isn't actually her will?"

The serious moment passes quickly, as the smile returns, and she shrugs. "It's just a thought. I was thinking of those crime novels I've read - hero research - where the key to figuring out the mystery is to think about what's unlikely, but still a possibility. Does that help at all?"

<Pose Tracker> Seraph Clarine has posed.

What if this isn't Althena's will? Would she really order these atrocities?

"...I...considered that possibility as well, but... I was too afraid of...what might come of it, and what it might mean. What if it is Her will...? If I acted on that belief, and turned out to be wrong... If she truly has become such a vengeful Goddess..." Clarine murmurs. "And...what would it mean, if it is not Her, but something has so totally misled Her followers...? Then what has become of Her...? Would she truly remain silent, even as they commit atrocities in Her name...?"

It was a frightening thought.

"...I will...think on this. Though I fear it is too late to make a difference..." She murmurs.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Out of nowhere, Xantia abruptly punches Clarine in the shoulder. Not with a great amount of force, it's only a playful nudge, really.

"Stop that," is her simple instruction, smiling the entire time. "You're already thinking too much. One thing at a time! Start with what you believe, and go from there! You can't worry about everything that might happen, just focus on the things that are happening right now!"

That's the secret to Xantia's optimism. Putting aside any worries about possible consequences. Assume the best, deal with any problems as they happen. Easier said than done, perhaps. She doesn't always succeed at it herself. But look at how it's working out for her now! She already seems to be completely over all those worries she poured out just minutes ago.

Jumping up to her feet, she adds an extra dose of optimism to the mix. "It's never too late to make a difference! Just because we haven't found the way yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist! We've just got to do what we can until we find it!" She looks down to Clarine, and extends her hand. "What do you say?"

<Pose Tracker> Seraph Clarine has posed.

Clarine blinks suddenly at the abrupt gesture. She seems a little surprised by it.

"...It is...easy to say that, but..." Clarine murmurs, shaking her head. That was one downside to the long lifespan of the Seraphim. Doubts and insecurities tended to pile up and come out at the most inconvenient of times. But...she can't deny that it's at least a little nice to hear that from someone. That level of unbridled optimism was a rare thing to experience.

Xantia jumps to her feet, then, and delivers a rousing speech. Clarine hesitates for a moment.

"...I...I do not know if I can. But...I, um...I can...I can try..." She says. And then, with a hint of a hesitation, she reaches up to accept Xantia's hand. "I...I will try."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

"You can do it if you try!" Xantia takes Clarine's hand, helping her back to her feet with that final bit of extra optimism.

Xantia may make it sound easy, but then, Xantia is a pretty rare case. Such contrast there is, between someone with less memories than she should have and someone with more than Xantia could even fathom.

Then again, choosing to be optimistic isn't very different from choosing to have faith in your beliefs, is it?