2019-07-08: Echoes of the Past
- Log: Echoes of the Past
- Cast: Fei Fong Wong, Xantia
- Where: Macalania
- Date: July 08, 2019
- Summary: Fei and Xantia have a fortunate reunion in the middle of the Macalania Woods. While camping out at night, various matters related to an incompletely remembered past are discussed.
===============================<* Macalania *>================================ The Macalania region is home to two ancient, crystalline formations of unsurpassed mystery and beauty. The first is the Macalania Woods - a shining maze-like forest overseen by strange, ancient, birdlike Beastmen who speak in bizarre riddles and weave light like silk. The second is Lake Macalania - an eternally frozen lake surrounded by snowy crevasses, which one can just see the frozen Temple beneath. Macalania is a distant, remote region -- and full of its own dangers. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jz644GeAdE
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei got seperated from Elly during the fighting and ever since he has been trying to keep cool and not freak the fuck out since he knows that freaking the fuck out could cause even more problems. Part of him wonders if it is because of his indolency that he has allowed things to get so bad but yet another part says 'what can you even do, Fei? This is their religion. How many gods do you intend to destroy?'. Hopefully Elly is okay but she should be okay. She operated fine on her own when you first met her. She has recovered from her wounds. She should be fine. It's fine.
But even with all that he is terribly pleased to meet Xantia again in Macalania where he had been hoping to meet up with Elly. He has been his usual pleasant if vaguely haunted himself and he cooked up some fish for Xantia before turning in early and curling up in his sleeping bag to rest.
For an hour or so, that is when the tossing and turning starts, obscure mumbled words that are difficult to decipher even in the middle of the night. A little while after that?
That's when the screaming starts. It is as if the pain is real, realer than real, rather than some phantom lurking in his neural matter. It is deeper than that. This is in his bones.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
By the time Xantia met up with Fei, she seemed to be doing fine. No visible injuries, displaying her usual cheer - a bit more than usual, even. Of course she was happy to run into Fei! It was a big relief since she had no idea where she was even going, having gotten separated from absolutely everybody.
Of course, one would only have to look at the state of her armor to have an inkling of the battles she'd been involved in. Banged up, scratched up, even missing some pieces here and there... the results of many skirmishes in and around Luca following the Guard's invasion. Xantia's response was obvious: she just kept on fighting, not knowing any other way to make a difference. Until even she reached the point where she could no longer convince herself that there was any point in continuing.
She seems to have put all that behind her at this point. She always did prefer to focus on the positive. And if being reunited with Fei wasn't positive enough, there was food involved! How could she keep feeling down at a time like that?
This might have been the first night in a while that she had no trouble sleeping, had something not woken her up. Fei tossing in his sleep was enough to do it - it hadn't been a very deep sleep just yet. The mumbled words prompt her to leave her sleeping bag, creeping closer to see if she can make anything out. She can't help herself, such things make her curious. Something might be bothering Fei, and if there's anything she can do to help--
She all but launches herself backwards when there's a sudden scream, catching her completely off guard. What's happening? Is he in pain? It sounds like he's in pain. She has to do something... but what?
The answer is obvious, she has to wake Fei up from whatever bad dreams he's having. Far be it from anyone used to Filgaia's climate to waste any water in such an attempt - she does the only other thing she can think of. Grab Fei by the shoulders, and start shaking him.
"Fei! Fei! Wake up, Fei! It's only a dream!"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"Muhh..." Fei seems too be saying. "Muhhh..." Yeah it's just gibberish, apparently.
Fei! Fei! Wake up, Fei!
Fei thrashes in his bag, sweating profusely despite it being night. He reaches up and manages to grab ahold of Xantia's arm and then--then he pauses.
He blinks his eyes open, panting for breath. He then lets his hand drop and stares up at Xantia.
"Oh." He says. "Sorry. Did I wake you up?"
He laughs awkwardly and wipes at his forehead. He stares at his drenched hand and laughs again.
"I totally woke you up didn't I?" He shifts to sitting up and rubs at his eyes with one hand, shaking off the other as he does so.
"Sorry," He says again, letting out a long exhale. "It's been a rough week."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia briefly wonders if she's going to have to fight Fei awake. What, that's a totally normal instinctual thought to have, right?
Thankfully, he wakes up on his own before that, and Xantia lets out a relieved breath of her own, releasing his shoulders and sagging back. She gives him an incredulous look at his question.
"Of course you woke me up, that doesn't matter! I was worried! You sounded like--"
She has to take a moment to think about how to even describe it. She shrugs, unable to do better than, "...like you were in pain. A lot of pain." Totally doesn't do it justice, but it's probably not a bad thing that she can't think of anything bad enough to compare it to.
"It has been a rough week. A rough... couple of weeks," she admits, running a hand across the scratched surface of her breastplate. She probably doesn't need to clarify how it was for her. But as for Fei, in light of this... unusual level of troubled sleep, she sure feels like she's missing the proper frame of reference. Shifting her position so she's more properly seated on the ground, she suggests, "Do you want to talk about it?"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"Yeah okay it's pretty much always rough, but the Battle of Luca... That invasion, it wasn't a war, it was a slaughter. We were lucky that as many people escaped as they did. I just have to believe Elly is among them." He looks back up at Xantia's incredulous look and grimaces though not unfondly. A self-effacing grin later he adds, "Was I making noise? Uh... I guess I would've been, huh..." He closes his eyes for a moment, no doubt imagining Xantia punching out the sheep he's been counting to wake him up. He wonders how Countess Evangeline von Sheepington is doing come to think of it, but he supposes it's safely packed away in Weltall as usual.
Xantia asks the million gella question. Does Fei wish to talk about it?
He looks at the floor for a while. DOES he want to talk about it? Not really, but maybe he can say a little bit. Talk around it maybe. That might make it easier.
"You remember how we were fighting K.K at Love's Cradle?" Fei asks. "I saw something. Felt something. It's kind of hard to focus on, but I remember how it feels even if I don't know what exactly is going on." He shakes his head. "Maybe a kind of memory? But this one is especially stubborn. I hate to say it, though if it's making me scream and sweat like this, maybe I'm better off this way." He knows how important memory is to Xantia, though, so he elects to not dwell on that aspect too much.
"I'm... I think I saw something when we were trying to deal with the seals. I've been having trouble sleeping off and on since though--uh--that's not really a change from normal, don't recall it being this bad so I'm guessing it's probably, uh, stress from what's going on now. Religious wars like this always put me a little uneasy. Reminds me of the Metal Demons and what their God tried to do."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia plants her hands at her sides, leans back and gazes upwards while Fei talks about the Battle of Luca. She knows exactly what that was like. She was in the middle of it, trying to figure out a way to stop Leo's golem while climbing all over it like a crazy person. Well, you can't call it crazy if it's the sort of thing you do all the time, right? That's not the issue. The issue is that it didn't work. That nothing she did made a difference.
"...I'm sure Elly is okay," is all she actually says, regarding that. What's done is done. And this isn't about her. This is about Fei.
She already regrets her phrasing. She could guess that whatever's going on is probably not something that Fei would actually like talking about. But it could be good for him if he did. So she'll just have to find some way to get him to, if need be. Like she's always spurred Fei into action when she felt that's what he needed.
It's a bit of a surprise when Fei doesn't just volunteer some information, but it goes further back than she expected. That prompts Xantia to shift her position again, sitting cross-legged, and paying close attention. "A memory, huh?" Of course she'd latch onto that part. "If you saw, or felt something while you were in a dangerous situation... that could be really important." Speaking from experience. Stressful situations have brought a number of things to the surface... both good and bad.
However, she can tell what Fei is doing. She's noticed that a number of times, where instead of just saying what this is all about straight out, he dances around the heart of the matter. It's just how he is. And that's fine. But Xantia really wants to know this, so she'll just have to find a way to make him tell her. As for the means, the answer she arrives at is... equivalent exchange.
With a casual flick of her hair, and a tone of voice just as casual, she says, "But yes, I remember that fight very well. I saw something too, something that may have been a memory... back when I think I probably died for a little bit."
She waits for the obvious reaction to a statement like that, before smiling. "Now I have your attention, don't I? You want to know, don't you? I'll tell you my story, if you'll tell me yours."
Who knew Xantia could be that devious?
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei doesn't seem to take issue with Xantia saying Elly is okay. He nods a few times and smiles. "Yeah, she's pretty tough." He can't help but worry, of course, but that's just how it's going to be. He's certainly glad Xantia is okay, at least. It was hard losing everything but he has a family again. A family that's very important to him. More important to him, in fact, than anybody in Lahan, though he'd never admit it. He's yet to make his peace with them but he has made peace with the people of Lahan in his own head. Right now that will have to be enough.
It COULD be really important, but the fact is Fei genuinely doesn't recall everything and the OTHER Fei inside of him? In fact every Fei inside of him, really does not want to think about it.
But there ARE some things you do remember simply because again. Deeper than neural matter. Into the bone. "I think I was being tortured." Fei says quietly. "I don't know by who or anything like that, but I remember a great fear and--pain. My own pain. The pain of others."
He shakes his head. "That's as much as I can get out of it." He laughs again. "Sorry. I'm doing my best here, it's just that my best is slightly worse than everybody else's average." He rubs his neck sheepishly. "So you don't have to say anything you don't want to, it's just--that's what I've got."
It IS more than what he initially said but some mysteries have to wait a chapter or two. It's just how it is!
But these weren't the only weird dreams you've been having, were they, Fei? "I think part of why I'm reliving some of this stuff right now," Fei admits. "Er, in my head I mean... I'm worried that it might be because of Emeralda." He looks to Xantia. "And she adores you, you know? Looks up to you. And I mean, how could she not? You're always doing your best and you manage to keep a positive attitude better than anyone I know--and I'm not saying you don't have rough times or anything but you have a knack for lifting up everyone's spirits. If she grows up to be like you I'd be pretty happy about that."
He looks down. "...But Emeralda, her father is 'Kim' and-- I've definitely seen him before. In my head." It's easier to talk about him than the other thing. "If he managed to believe in the future enough to make Emeralda..."
He looks back to Xantia. "Do you think I could do that too? I mean, not make Emeralda, I mean--believe in a future that much."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia can sort of identify, and sort of not. The only real idea of 'family' that she can remember having is what she has right now. Her 'grandparents'... that was different. She wouldn't be able to articulate exactly how, and still avoids talking about them besides, but... it was just different. And that memory of her father is too vague to really feel like anything in particular. There's nothing else that comes close to the way she feels about her current family.
Which doesn't mean she won't shake down Fei for more details, of course. It's for his own good! And hers, if her curiosity isn't satisfied she might explode.
It's a mixed success, not yielding as complete a story as she was hoping for, but a few extra details at least. She crosses her arms and frowns, not so much because of dissatisfaction, but because that notion is pretty disturbing. "Torture..." Not something that she can remember having personal experience with, but it's obviously not a good thing. Who's been torturing Fei? They'd better hope Xantia never finds out!
She shakes her head then, responding with an apology of her own. "No, I'm the one who's sorry... I understand why that would be difficult to remember. ...If you did remember. You know what I mean. I just hope that if you do remember more, you'll tell me about it. Even if I can't understand what you went though, I at least understand what it's like to... remember things."
At this point, even Xantia can no longer claim that absolutely everything about getting memories back is a good thing.
Still, a deal is a deal. She's fine with sharing what she promised to. This is however postponed when she hears a name that she wasn't expecting. "Emeralda?" What could she have to do with all this?
It doesn't look like Xantia is quite capable of taking the following praise in stride, rubbing her head and not knowing where to look for a moment. "No, I... I'm not that great. I still haven't managed to really sit down and talk and her, like I promised. Something always seems to come up..."
Or... is she avoiding that talk, for some reason? Even Xantia can't be sure.
Fei proceeds to ask her a question, but by that point Xantia has been staring at him for a while, stuck on something he said earlier. It takes a moment before she actually replies. "Hm? Oh. Um. Sure? I mean, why wouldn't you? Just because you haven't figured things out yet doesn't mean you never will." A typical Xantia response.
What's less typical is what she follows that up with, the thing that stood out to her all this time. "...You said 'make'. So you know that Emeralda was constructed, then?" Sure sounds like Xantia's known that for a while.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei smiles. "I can't always say I'll tell you immediately--sometimes I need to think things through--but I'll definitely be up for telling you." He smiles. "It's just sometimes hard to know, I guess, what's important and what's just another...awful thing, you know? I don't want life to just be me sharing awful experiences half the time. I'm sure if I brought everything up, it'd just--be constant." He sighs. He doesn't really want to dwell on THIS ONE either but he can tell that there's something truly awful behind it and he is going to have to face it eventually. But he really doesn't want to. So it can be later.
"She goes off on her own sometimes," Fei admits. "We can't control the time we've got with someone but we can be there for them when we are." He pauses and decides he needs to clarify this. "I mean, even if we're not always together, if we spend the time we do have well--that's what counts."
He smiles then and adds, "If you're up for it, we can go to Guadosalam and wait there for a bit. Then I can go looking for her and send her thataways." He pauses and laughs. "Man, losing everyone lately."
He looks down a bit and then shakes his head to clear it.
"A-anyway," Fei's heart is still pounding but he figures he can at least keep watch for Xantia. Can't wake up someone with nightmares if you aren't sleeping! But for now he focuses on the kid.
"Yeah, I mean. She has to be right?" Fei says. "No human can do what she does. Ah--but, I guess to be clear, that doesn't mean I don't see her as a person or anything." He smiles. "Of course she is, she's a sweet kid even if she's older than me," He laughs a bit more boisterously at that. "I feel like maybe...whomever made her?"
He looks towards the lingering remains of the campfire.
"...I think they had high hopes for her. A future they could believe in. Their ... Their hope."
Hope is a strange word to come to Fei's lips. Both he and his other aspect are often very skeptical of the concept, a quiet cynicism filling out their nature handedly. But Emeralda, somehow, exists within that 'hope' sphere.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
"Good enough for me!"
Xantia's response this time is immediate, cheerful, and simple. It can be hard to tell whether she's fully understood everything when she does that. In the end, all it means is that she's decided to accept what she was told for now. There's no guarantees that she won't press for more details in the future. But for now, for now that response seems to have satisfied her.
On Emeralda going off on her own, Xantia can only sheepishly admit, "I guess that's kind of the way it is for me." Only to add with a smile, "But I'll always find my way back to you. So I'm sure she will too. I'm fine waiting in Guados... whatever you said." There's a place she clearly hasn't been to yet.
"I suppose that's true," Xantia says on Fei's 'has to be' assessment. She actually knows a little more than that. But that's not something she wants to talk about before she's had a chance to talk about it with Emeralda. The only other thing that still makes her speak up is, "Older...?" That part she apparently hadn't considered.
It's clear from the shorter lengths of her responses, not to mention her drooping eyes, that it's becoming more difficult for her to stay awake. She hasn't slept terribly well lately, so it stands to reason that she really needs that sleep that got interrupted just now.
Then her eyes suddenly open wide, because Fei said the magic word. Not Food, the other one, with an h. Not Hero. Hope. Instantly, she's reminded again of what she promised to tell Fei earlier. Though her eyes quickly start to droop down again, she still manages to fulfill that promise.
"...So, um. About that thing I mentioned... I don't know if I actually died or not. I don't know what it was K.K. did to me exactly, but it... kind of felt like I might be dying? I dunno. But then..."
She pauses, wrapping her arms around herself, shuddering because of the memory of that powerful moment. And also because of the absence of the sleeping bag she'd like to be wrapped in right around now.
"I heard him. My father." That part, she has zero doubts about. She instinctively knows who that voice belonged to, even if she'd be hard pressed to describe what it sounded like. "He said... 'To turn yesterday's tears into tomorrow's smiles... my sole wish was for a return to the days when this was all we collectively strived for. It is that hope, my hope, that I wish for you to carry forward.'" She does, however, remember every single word of what she heard. She could recite it in her sleep, which is close to what's actually happening by this point. A smile forms on her face as her eyes start to fall shut.
"Makes sense, doesn't it...? Even if I didn't remember... 's what I've always wanted, too..."
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei blinks at how quick Xantia makes calls like that but then he smiles anyway because he kind of admires that about her anyway.
"Well," Fei says. "I...think so? Why is that...?" He frowns faintly and then adds, "Well, if Kim Kasim made her, she'd have to be right? There's no way Kim would still be alive today," He laughs a bit at that, smiling.
Then he frowns. "Aw geeze... It's gonna be rough on her when she finds that out, isn't it?" Don't worry Fei, Emeralda will probably be okay.
Fei quiets down a bit as Xantia shudders. He is keeping her up, but what she is about to say is important. K.K did something to her too, and it's one more reason to be glad K.K is gone forever and obviously not going to return in an act or something like that.
"Sounds like something nice to say," Fei says, though that's not exactly the impression he got of 'Xantia dad' before now. Anything can be taken too far, of course, but it's hard to consider what yesterday's tears into tomorrow's smiles means to that other side of Xantia.
Maybe he should ask if he gets the chance.
"You're already doing it," Fei promises Xantia. "And someone who does such wonderful things should probably get their rest."
He grins more widely. "I'll be alright and I'll let you know if that changes." He pauses. "So uh." Pause. "Get some rest. I'll keep watch and return to bed when my heart stops racing."
He believes in you Xantia. Even with that other side of you. After all...
...isn't that what you've always given him?