2019-08-15: Let's Be Different Together

From Dream Chasers
Jump to navigation Jump to search
  • Log: Let's Be Different Together
  • Cast: Xantia, Emeralda Kasim
  • Where: Guadosalam
  • Date: August 15, 2019
  • Summary: Xantia finally brings up a tough subject she'd been meaning to speak to Emeralda about. Her worries appear to have been unfounded, but...

===============================<* Guadosalam *>===============================

Guadosalam is an underground that sits on the path from the north bank of the Moonflow and the southern trail of the Thunder Plains. The city is found inside an underground cavern, where the walls and walkways are composed of the twisted roots of the trees of the Moonflow's north bank, giving the entire area the faint resemblance of an underground swamp.

Guadosalam is the ancient home of the Guado, a race of Beastman-appearing humans who, until recently, lived outside the grace of Yevon. This changed with the coming of Lord Jyscal Guado, who brought his people into Bevelle's fold; following Jyscal's death, his son Seymour - also a Maester of Yevon - now rules the Guado people both temporally and spiritually.

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmcCd1eCJq4
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

With war having broken out and many populated areas no longer friendly territory, Guadosalam has become the closest thing to a home base for the Black Wolves. As such, it tends to be a place that Xantia periodically returns to, whenever she's not out busying herself with the things currently foremost on her mind. Which at the moment mostly involves two things: training to try and expand the range of her Ether abilities, and the broad category of 'Hero Stuff'.

It's kind of something she defaults to to begin with, but now that it's been more or less endorsed as something she should focus on by the rest of the Wolves, Xantia is that much more active about it. Those displaced by the war need hope more than anything at a time like this, and if she can provide that by doing things like clearing out Fiends, doing any heavy lifting that may be required, and sharing her optimistic viewpoint of any given situation, then of course she'll help!

However, it's important to touch base every now and again. Who can say, maybe this will be the time that someone brings news about a way back to Filgaia. It's not a big secret that going back home is Xantia's number one concern, even if she has no idea how to work towards that particular objective. All she can do there is keep her eyes and ears open.

None of this is any reason for not staying positive, of course. And so, the red-haired fist fighter ambles through the 'streets' of Guadosalam (in so far vegetation can be counted as such), arms behind her head and for all appearances not looking like she has a care in the world. She still hasn't done anything in the way of armor maintenance since she got here, her 'hero garb' looking much worse for wear than when she first arrived in Spira after all the fighting she's been doing. But she herself is in fine condition, her first priority now the same as any time she returns from a trip - to secure some good food.

<Pose Tracker> Emeralda Kasim has posed.

As the impromptu home base of the Black Wolves, it's no real surprise that Emeralda can be found in Guadosalam now and again. She often wanders off... but never too far, because she doesn't want to be permanently separated from Fei (and, possibly, Elly) again despite her newfound feelings of independence. That means being somewhere they can find her, and she can find them.

And that means Guadosalam.

Emeralda likes Guadosalam. There are a lot of places to explore, climb into and hide in, or otherwise poke around. She has probably perplexed some of the Guado with her actions, because even young Guado don't usually act like Emeralda, but she has yet to cause any serious diplomatic incidents. Though there was that time she climbed one of the roots and shimmied along it far further out than most to look over the town from straight above...

But right now she is behaving herself. Specifically, right now she is 'helping', which today actually is helping; she has just carried a jug of water nearly as big as she is into a building, which she is now exiting. She spots Xantia, and it only takes her a moment to recognize her: "Hey! He~ey!"

...

"Hi."

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Even though she very much shares the sentiment of not wanting to risk being separated from the Wolves (and also Fei in particular), Xantia isn't quite so eager to hang around Guadosalam very often, or very long. While this may be one of the few population centers in Spira she knows where she doesn't feel unwelcome, something about the place just makes her feel uneasy. She couldn't articulate what it is, exactly, but it has been the primary reason why she isn't around most of the time.

It's almost funny how due to various circumstances, she often ends up missing Emeralda. It's not like there's any conscious avoidance on her part, but it's also true that she hasn't exactly gone out of her way to visit. She likes Emeralda just fine, there's just... various things that make her feel a little awkward. Children tend to confuse Xantia, causing her self-doubt due to not remembering what it's like to be a child. Then there's whole thing about Emeralda's nature, which Xantia has been meaning to speak to her about, but is far from an easy conversation to have.

Also, she kind of qualifies as an aunt now, and that's just weird.

This all contributes to the way she reacts when she unexpectedly hears that voice calling out to her, Xantia freezing in her tracks and lacking the spontaneous reaction she'd have to most. She has to take a second to process this development before turning to face the source of the voice - though from her smile, it's difficult to tell that there's anything wrong. She can't entirely mask it from her way of speaking, though.

"Oh! Emeralda, hi! I... wasn't expecting to see you here!" She rubs the back of her head, leaving an awkward pause before she continues, "It's been a while, huh? How've you been?"

<Pose Tracker> Emeralda Kasim has posed.

Emeralda's position is... weird in general.

She is, by pure numbers, older than everyone else in the Black Wolves put together. And yet she spent almost none of that time awake and aware, and came out of the tube little more than a child. She still seems like a child, though less young than she did before even if she looks the same; she acts ten or twelve most of the time, although a sheltered ten or twelve to whom most things are new.

And yet she considers Fei and Elly her parents, despite being too young to be... well, theirs. Also, she came from a ruin that existed for thousands of years before they were born. By comparison, Xantia qualifying as an aunt is positively normal.

But right now she is grinning and looks perfectly innocent of all strangeness. "Well I came because everyone else was here and I didn't want to get left behind," Emeralda says, sensibly. "I'm not always here! But I am right now, even if Fei isn't back yet. I am good! There are lots of things to do here if you know where to look."

She pauses (possibly to take a breath). "How are you? I heard you were being a hero! I want to be a hero too but I also want to be a Drifter. You can do both, though, right? I mean, lots of people seem to think you can..." She does not seem to notice any awkwardness or unease with Xantia. Emeralda is not always good at noticing that.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

What's normal to Xantia may well be weird to others, but that goes the other way around, too. Being an aunt is definitely one of those things that she has no idea what to do with. Falling into the role of a sister was easier, once she'd figured out that she'd pretty much been acting like one for a long time already. But what even is an aunt?

And yet she took the whole thing about Fei and Elly being suddenly bombarded as parents entirely in stride. It's different when it relates to herself, evidently.

Whatever the case may actually be, Emeralda still 100 percent parses as a child to Xantia - going by appearances is perhaps a bad habit, but that's how it tends to go. Though it's not like she's talking to a child who's also a stranger anymore at this point, which helps at least a little bit with not worrying so much about how she should be acting.

"Makes sense, makes sense," she confirms with several nods to the flood of words that she has no problems following along with. She does that sort of thing herself, feels like a normal way of conversing to her. "I'm glad you're thinking about that, we sure wouldn't want to leave you behind either! I'm sure Fei feels better knowing that too, he worries about you a lot."

Questioned about herself and her hero status brings a grin to her face, though she has to admit with a casual shrug, "I'm not quite a real hero yet, but I'm working on it. Being a Drifter who acts like a hero would is a good start! I sure don't see why you can't be both. I wouldn't advise most people to do the kinds of things I do, but when it's you... I think you can handle it."

Which brings her thoughts back to her concerns, causing her smile to fade. She really should talk about this already. It's just going to keep bugging her otherwise.

Kneeling down to eye level with Emeralda (only about half a foot down, but still), she lowers her voice a little. "Hey, um... remember how I wanted to talk to you about something? It's about... hm." She needs another moment to try and formulate the question, which initially comes out as, "Do you know why you can do what you can do?"

She then chuckles and shakes her head, immediately rejecting her own question. "That doesn't narrow things down at all, does it? I mean... changing the shape of your body. That's not something most people can do. Do you know why you can?"

<Pose Tracker> Emeralda Kasim has posed.

Emeralda is just as glad to finally get someone who can keep up with the way she talks. When she gets excited, the words just tumble out. Sometimes they don't make a whole lot of sense - she's lost people when she gets going before. But Xantia can keep up.

"Oh, right! Well, Drifters are cool too," Emeralda says, before bringing her scarf up slightly in what she thinks of as the Drifter Pose; she tucks her head down and then pulls it back up, bringing the scarf along so it covers her mouth, and turns so that the trailing ends of the scarf flap out behind her for a moment. "I read some books! I don't have them with me right now but they were very cool."

Is she still reading dime novels?

Emeralda lets the scarf slide back down around her neck afterwards, no longer holding it up. She sees Xantia's smile fade and isn't sure what she did wrong for a moment; the answer turns out to be 'nothing', or possibly 'everything'. She's had this question from Lydia recently too.

Before Lydia asked her, Emeralda never thought about it. She thought about it a little after that, certainly, but she didn't let it bother her. She knows why Lydia is uncomfortable with it - because she's still learning to do it. But it is clearly bothering Xantia, and Emeralda isn't entirely sure why.

And so her guess is completely wrong. She assumes that Xantia, like so many others, is a little unsettled by some kinds of ARMs. And while Emeralda doesn't consider herself an ARM, people sometimes treat her like one.

"You don't have to be afraid of it," Emeralda assures Xantia. "It's just - it's a thing! I know a lot of people can't do it but it's not very hard for me. I just have to think about it a little bit. But it's not scary or anything and it's not going to hurt you."

That's not really an answer... and Emeralda looks a little uncertain, now, when she didn't before.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

The scarf...! Xantia subconsciously brings a hand to her shoulder, where her - now tattered - cape is attached. A cape is plenty heroic, but a scarf... it feels like such an oversight now that she realizes how many heroes seem to wear those. In that sense, Emeralda is already one step ahead.

Not about to let that keep her down, she flaunts her own advantage in the face of this: "I have a book on heroism, myself. Those are very rare. Not even Metal Digger Locus knew of their existence!" If even her mentor hadn't heard of something related to heroism, it's got to be something really special. "I'm still learning, so I need it myself right now, but one day, when you're ready...!" She doesn't finish the sentence because it's more dramatic this way, dramatics are an important trait of being a hero.

But while what it means to be a hero tends to be at the forefront of her mind a lot, right now it isn't quite as important. It's far more important to understand Emeralda better. Perhaps help her understand herself, should she need it. Knowing what she does, it's enough to make Xantia feel a little guilty about waiting so long to broach the topic. But then, it's a sensitive matter, for a lot of reasons.

One reason, she wasn't even aware of herself of being this much of a factor. The notion that people might be afraid of it. Xantia can somewhat imagine it, and Lydia has made her more specific fears known to her. But she wasn't expecting Emeralda to be concerned with that, let alone her own words being interpreted in this way. That much is clear in her confused expression when she gets a reaction of reassurance.

"Huh? No, no, I... I'm glad you don't think of it like that, but... I know that." This only makes it feel that much more like this talk should have happened a long time ago. If just to let Emeralda know...

"...I know exactly why you can do those things. I was just... wondering if you knew. It doesn't bother me at all, I was worried about it bothering you." She knows a few things about what it can be like to not be like most people. She'd hate for others to feel the way she does sometimes.

<Pose Tracker> Emeralda Kasim has posed.

Emeralda is very proud of her scarf. There is a reason she hasn't gotten rid of it even when she changes her outfit. (Though she's wearing a black and red dress as she often is, so she hasn't changed it today. At least it isn't ripped.)

"I want to read that book some day," Emeralda says, with stars not quite visible in her eyes. They're just about there, though. Xantia's dedication to heroism is inspiring! And dramatics are not lost on her. "Some day, when I'm ready for it...!"

Emeralda poses again, letting the scarf billow out behind her. She must be cheating; underground, there's not really enough wind to stir it like that. But she does have access to Ether, so perhaps it's not quite as surprising as it could otherwise be.

She is not expecting Xantia to continue in the manner she does, though. Not drop the topic - yes, she expects that; Emeralda wasn't trying very hard to change the topic, and she's guileless enough that if she was trying to change it, it would be obvious. And Xantia clearly wants to talk about it, so...

"Oh," she says, a little taken aback. Is she that weird? This isn't the first time she's felt a little strange about it, when she really thinks about it. She tends to put that aside, but presented with a direct question, it's a lot harder to.

"...why? I know... I was in a tube," Emeralda says. "It was a long time ago and for a long time. But I haven't ever not been able to do things! Except when I couldn't do anything at all, but that doesn't count, because I couldn't do anything then. I don't know about 'why' besides that. Maybe Kim..." She's rambling again, though she trails off at the end.

It's a lot harder to avoid thinking about it when people bring it up. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as it's probably bad for Emeralda to ignore an aspect of herself. But it is definitely a thing. So, after a long pause, she just asks: "...am I weird?"

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

It's an important heroic trait to know where your capes and scarves will catch the wind, especially when it should be impossible. That's not cheating, it's just science. Unless it's magic. Whatever works.

But even Xantia is not going to keep focusing on traits of heroism at the exclusion of everything. More serious matters are weighing on her mind. Though it's only been a few years, it feels like a long time since certain things would deeply upset her, but it was very painful when she did. She'd like to prevent Emeralda from going through the same. But it's difficult, figuring out how to say what she wants to say without actually causing Emeralda to be upset. It kind of feels like she's already failing at it. She doesn't even really know what to say to these ramblings... until that final question. To that one, Xantia can resolutely shake her head.

"You're not weird, Emeralda. Not being the same as most people doesn't make you weird." She certainly remembers that time, when being considered weird would upset her more than anything. Being able to talk from experience makes things a bit easier. "It makes it hard for other people to understand you sometimes. But they should at least try to understand. If they won't try to do that, if all they do is make being different sound like it's a bad thing, then they're the ones who are wrong."

She lowers her head a moment before refocusing on Emeralda. "I... wish I was more like everybody else, sometimes. So, if you want to talk about that, you can always talk to me. I'll try to help. And... maybe we can help each other."

As for the rest... Xantia rubs her chin for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to explain. Or, if she even should explain everything in detail. Maybe it's best to stick to the basic idea, focus on what's most important to know. "Listen, Emeralda... Emmy." She places a hand on the girl's shoulder, continuing to speak in that much more calm and serious tone than she usually speaks in. "I know you can make your body take pretty much any shape you want. Most other people can't do that. And that's fine. I just want you to know that... I know things about that. Sort of. I lost my memory, and only got some of them back, so I don't really know why, but for some reason, I know about... the power, that you have. So, if there's ever anything you want to know about that, I'll tell you what I can. Also, if you're ever having trouble making your body do what you want... I might be able to help with that. So, please come to me if you need help. Okay?"

<Pose Tracker> Emeralda Kasim has posed.

Emeralda is very skilled with making her scarf look as dramatic as possible. It is, in fact, probably one of her best skills, or at least most reliable.

"Well..."

Emeralda trails off again. Xantia says she isn't weird. Lydia and Ivan say what she does is weird. Ida told her to stop showing people. Fei doesn't seem to care... but even he was taken aback at first, wasn't he? And Xantia went out of her way to talk to her about it. Different and not weird, she says.

Emeralda hunches down slightly. It's just a tiny thing, and she does it before Xantia puts her hand on Emeralda's shoulder so it's not a response to the touch. (Emeralda is not very touch-adverse.) Does she want to be different? It's an unusual track for Emeralda to find her thoughts going. She almost consciously kicks her thought process out of it, looking up at Xantia with a smile and trying to put those unaccustomed, unwelcome thoughts out of her mind.

"Okay!" she says. "Except... I don't think I need to know about that. You lost your memory?" Emeralda worries at that, instead, for a moment. Then: "It's hard to remember too far back. It's just a dream. And remembering anything from that is hard. Maybe you dreamed something like I did, except about you instead of me because you're you and not me. So I understand that too! Maybe..."

Emeralda looks around, just for a moment. "Maybe we can be different together?" She sounds almost hopeful.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia would be a pretty massive hypocrite if she treated Emeralda any differently than the way she'd want to be treated. She'd want to be accepted, to be considered normal, in spite of how different she might be. Not need to hide it, or actively try to be like everybody else. She feels pretty strongly about that being the way things should be.

Given the similarity - the combination of unusual powers and not remembering their past clearly - she was expecting Emeralda to suffer from the same concerns that used to plague her frequently, and still rear their head at times even now. But then, she is told something she never expected to hear.

"You don't need to--", she starts to repeat it aloud, incredulously. She couldn't imagine ever saying that she doesn't need to know something. Her need to know things about her past, her nature, her identity... nothing could be stronger. And here Emeralda is saying the exact opposite. Likening it to a dream, as if it didn't matter at all. Only now does it hit her, how different their perception of things actually is. Is this how a child thinks? Or just how Emeralda thinks? Xantia can't be sure. But in the face of this development... she can only laugh.

She needs a moment before she can recompose herself, immediately excusing, "Sorry, sorry... I think that, maybe the things I was worried about, I didn't need to worry about at all. I mean, I still meant it, and I hope you'll keep it in mind, but..."

Xantia rises back to her feet, seeming much more like her usual self at this point. Her smile bright, and her tone casual and unconcerned. "You're right, it doesn't really matter that much, does it? So yeah, let's do that. Let's be different together."

<Pose Tracker> Emeralda Kasim has posed.

It is more that Emeralda does not think she needs to ask Xantia for advice on reshaping her body. Emeralda does all of that by instinct; either she can do it or she can't, and it never occurs to her that it is a thing that should be, or indeed can be, practiced.

Her history, though... Those memories are gone. If she thinks about them too hard, she starts feeling... something. Like, deep down, she knows things - but she doesn't want to remember them. Doesn't want to think about them. She remembers Kim, and his ... wife? Girlfriend? And that is enough. She already understands her nature: it is to be Kim's daughter.

Perhaps this is a peculiarly Emeralda thing. She lives for now, because she has never had a present before. But there's that link with Kim - Fei. No wonder she won't leave him for long.

None of this is a conscious thought for Emeralda. It is just the way things are. Perhaps one day things will be different. Perhaps this is why she is only just starting to think of herself as different. She isn't sure she likes it, and it is the first uncomfortable thought along those lines that is lingering.

"Yeah!" Emeralda certainly seems to have put it out of her mind. "Let's go! We can look around. Have you been onto the ceiling yet? There is a place you can go and climb across into the caves and explore..."

Oh. She means right now, judging by the insistent pull on Xantia's hand.