2020-05-19: Not What I Wish

From Dream Chasers
Jump to navigation Jump to search
  • Log: Not What I Wish
  • Cast: Yue Rohay, Avril Vent Fleur
  • Where: Sword Cathedral
  • Date: May 19, 2020
  • Summary: After traversing the Arastell Catacombs, Avril pays visit to the Sword Cathedral and there crosses paths with Yue. The matter of 'choice' is discussed.

<Pose Tracker> Yue Rohay has posed.

    Yue was fairly exhausted after the Dig, following a narrow escape from death and the subsequent exertions that she had to pitch forth for the team afterwards; the Cathedral wound up being one of the nearest (and most dramatic) places to recuperate, with a small clinic available to treat wounds. Even if she gets strange looks because of her cuffs, ontop of everything... but it is close enough to Meria Boule that she's known enough already.

    Having freshly added more bandages, she steps out of the clinic to the main worship hall of the Cathedral and... pauses, gazing up towards the stained-glass mural.

    "... Ana. This is how you are remembered in this age..." she whispers to herself, lowering her head with closed eyes.

<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.

    "Granas..."

    Whatever seclusion Yue may have thought she had, it is soon intruded upon. Framed there in the doorway leading into the cathedral is none other than than Avril Vent Fleur.

    Her gaze is tilted upwards, at the stained glass panes representing the Sword Magess. As if lost in thought, she has eyes for the stained glass and the stained glass alone.

    "Why is this..."

    Her attention flits downwards.

    And here Avril sucks in a breath. "Oh--"

    For a moment, she vascillates on the precipice between leaving or staying, only to then start forwards, approaching Yue.

    "Yue..."

<Pose Tracker> Yue Rohay has posed.

    Yue seems to be in a deep reverie, such that she doesn't perceive Avril entering at first. This is a particularly difficult place for her, after all.

    "No doubt, Marivel..." she speaks to herself for a moment longer. "Well. I do my best to look after her, as you might wish of me--"

    She hears Avril call her name, and there's wide eyes as she turns and has to remind herself to not speak up, because this is still a place of worship.

    "... Avril," she whispers, then clears her throat. "I had thought you left already."

    She has more bandages than when she first arrived, which is rather expected from the amount of nicks and bruises accumulated in Arastell.

    "... thank you for helping me to the clinic as well."

<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.

    She had intended to leave, to head back to Meria and catch up with Dean and Rebecca. But...

    Valmar's presence -- or rather, the knowledge of his presence -- had weighed on her mind still. She had literally just found out what the name Valmar had actually meant only a few hours prior; perhaps it should not overly concern her. But, this was another thing of importance in this world into which she had awakened that she knew little-to-nothing about.

    There is no means for her to take the throne as long as she has such gaps.
    As long as she is without her memories.

    Avril shakes her head at Yue's question. "No, I had..."

    And again, her gaze lifts to the stained glass image of the Sword Magess.

    "Is that... Granas?" she murmurs. "Or, no, is that Sophia?"

    She has heard many names weighted in religious context over the years since she awoke in a Golem's hand, and very few have remained anchored.

    Save for the Guardians.

    "I am... happy to have done so, Yue."

    There is a pause.

    "Did you mean what you said, Yue...? That we should have let go of you?"

<Pose Tracker> Yue Rohay has posed.

    Yue is silent for a little bit longer, perhaps connecting the dots on why she's come here. Perhaps there was a memory of the distant past, of the age they share? Or--

    Is that... Granas? Or, no, is that Sophia?

    Yue's eyes widen quietly. Then she purses her lips for a rueful, bitter moment.

    "No... that is Anastasia," Yue answers with some regret.

    It might not be noticeable, given the volumes in which they're talking of, but the way she speaks it feels more as if she's referring to a peer, rather than a holy figure of worship.

    "Here, they call her the 'Sword Magess', a hero from yesteryear who drew the sacred blade Argetlahm and sealed the Blaze of Disaster."

    She's careful and measured as she explains, as if reading from a text and not from her heart.

    Avril says she's happy to have done so, but... follows up with another question.

    The Veruni is silent for a moment longer.

    "It... seems we are most unguarded in moments of peril. But that I cannot heartily say 'no' is as telling."

<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.

    Neither of those names are correct.

    She is Anastasia.

    "Oh," Avril utters in reply, her shoulders sagging slightly.

    Anastasia, or, the Sword Magess.

    Who sealed the Blaze of Disaster.

    The first reaction is a visceral one, a shifting of what she has come to think of as the thing in the dark, that part of her she still resists -- perhaps to her peril -- acknowledging.

    But at a distance, there is fury, an inexorable pressure like an advancing glacier.
    But at a distance, there is also terror.

    "The... Sword Magess? I feel as if I had heard of that title before..." Avril ultimately hazards. That much, she's heard said before. She is slightly less at sea, now, though still firmly adrift upon unfamiliar waters.

    Her gaze settles on Yue. Almost, it is as if the phantom of a question rests upon her.

    But, instead, she asks after Yue, herself.
    Avril glances away at the answer. "I... see."

    Her fingers curl in towards her palms, then relax.

    "...I cannot accept that, Yue," she says, returning her gaze to her self-proclaimed enemy.

<Pose Tracker> Yue Rohay has posed.

    Yue does keep an eye on Avril's reaction as she relays the story. She's honestly not certain if it's because she wants to jog Avril's memory, or because she wants her to remember so that...

    If nothing else, so that she could have someone remember the same thing she does too... because Marivel, bless her heart, is on an entirely different level of understanding when it comes to Anastasia and what happened to her.

    "... I trust you will remember it sometime," Yue answers, and leaves it at that.

    A longer pause.

    "Why? It would be easier for you, for Dean and... Rebecca as well."

    There is a rueful chuckle.

    "And... perhaps easier for me as well, if you were to just..."

    She feels deeply cold, but not cold-hearted; her heart is starting to rush once more, her blood flowing fast, even as she struggles to regulate her body. She remembers the words the Queen spoke during the battle at Valeria Chateau.

    There is a longer hesitation, as she murmurs, "... if you were to just hate me."

<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.

    "...Remember?" At this, she blinks, as what she had thought might have been the case -- just about -- is proven to have been, without question. "Was I... was she...?" Her gaze, again, flits back up at the stained glass windows. "Did that all really... happen?"

    But perhaps some things must be experienced, and not merely told.

    In any regard, Yue soon says something that tears her focus away from the subject of even Avril's own veiled past.

    Avril stands motionless for a long moment.

    Then, slowly, she shakes her head.

    "Your death... is not what I wish. Nor, I am certain, what they desire. Yue... you must not--"

    'If you were to just hate me.'

    It's not a transformation, precisely. Avril does not grow ten feet tall, or start radiating some sort of terrible aura, or gain some unearthly light in her eyes.

    But still, something about her changes. She straightens, sure, just that might. She stares Yue down. But more than those little physical shifts...

    "Enough."

    ...is the tone in her voice.

    Avril is still Avril.
    But in this, there is slightly more of who she had used to be in her.

    "I will not stand you speaking so, Yue. If we must one day do battle, then that is what must be. Nevertheless, I will not tolerate you speak of this as 'easier'. I do not wish for 'easier'."

<Pose Tracker> Yue Rohay has posed.

    It is true.

    Some things must be experienced, and not merely told. Yue could devote hours of her life explaining of what happened, and it would lie hollow if Avril had not truly remembered of what happened.

    But for her to remember everything of what has transpired...

    But Avril says something firm and relevatory in turn.

    Your death... is not what I wish.

    "Then--"

    She is interrupted, because she can sense that shift in Avril, perhaps almost better than any other person. The way her posture lines up further, the way her tone changes. It is a familiar tone. So, so very familiar.

    Enough.

    Enough.

    Enough.

    "Enough."

    An image. An imperious command. The shower of gunfire stops. The scent of blood and gunpowder is fresh in the air. She looks up...

    Yue blinks a few times, face pale as she snaps back to the Cathedral which her body has all this time been standing in.

    "...you..."

    Her eyes lose focus. She doesn't want to look back towards the Ice Queen standing before her. She can't. Her throat is suddenly very dry, her eyes burning. Her fingers twitching imperceptibly underneath her shackles.

    "... it has... never been about 'easier' with you, that much is certain."

<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.

    What she needs is to really, truly remember. Even the most detailed written account wouldn't give her the leverage she needs, if she is indeed intent on reclaiming her throne and saving her people from those who now command them.

    She gets no easy answer from Yue, and in turn, Yue wonders whether her own death might make things easier for Avril and her friends.

    But regardless of Avril's response--
    She is still Avril.

    Yue goes as still as a statue and pale, and the icy demeanor which had clung to the young queen is gone, as if frost under a high noon sun. She blinks once, twice...

    And again, is left to both wonder and horribly know what had once been between them both.

    After all, even for a woman without her memory, it is hard to misunderstand Yue's body language.

    Avril, too, glances away.

    "...I do not wish to fight you" Her voice is quieter than before. "If I must, then I will. But I do not wish it."

<Pose Tracker> Yue Rohay has posed.

    I do not wish to fight you.

    But...

    If I must... then I will. But I do not wish it.

    There is a long moment of silence.

    There is a soft, sad-- chuckle. It's almost impossible to mistake with a sob, to be quite honest, but no tears come out.

    Even though it would make things so much easier right now, if she were able to just cry.

    It's one of the cruelties of the body.

    "Somehow... I am relieved to hear you say that." There is a sad shake from the Veruni's head.

    "'I wish'. 'I do not wish'. There is a choice there. Something that was... missing before."

    Yue lifts her head up.

    "But... choice disappeared from my life a long time ago. On that day. One of us is strong enough to resist it and struggle, no matter what the consequences for themselves and others may be. But the other..."

    She stops there. Speaking has become extremely difficult.

    There's nothing but the soft rattle of her chains, afterwards.

<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.

    Confusion is the order of the day on Avril's expression, as she finally glances back at Yue.

    "What do you... mean?"

    Then, there is silence.

    "A choice..."

    Is there a choice? She must rule her people. She must find out who she is. She--

    Avril shakes her head, more to herself then to the statement Yue is now making.

    Of course there is a choice. Even if she feels as if she must act a certain way and travel down a certain path, her own will is still present.
    Isn't it?

    "On that day... Do you mean...?"

    The day -- she's sure of it -- that they had last met, back when Avril was still...

    "..."

    She knows what Dean would say in this moment.
    But, what would Rebecca say?

    What should she say?

    "I..."

    She shakes her head.

    "I am sorry."

    In the end, what can she tell her to do, when she doesn't know the ties that bind?
    Or where to cut them?

    When she knows nothing about anything anymore?

<Pose Tracker> Yue Rohay has posed.

    The conversation is only troubling them further.

    Perhaps, Yue thinks, if it were only herself, it would be fine-- that's the kind of thinking she (and other toxic influences in her life) has beaten into herself. But Avril looks rather deeply confused as well.

    Choice... one's own will.

    On that day...

    "... you said it as much, have you not? That you have chosen to walk down this path. To understand, to remember, to not look away from all that has happened in the past. Even if the consequences may be dire -- to you, to your newfound friends..."

    Yue falls silent for a while longer.

    "You do not choose the 'easier' path."

    Yue struggles, but eventually lifts herself up enough to move, stepping quietly past Avril towards the doorway to the cathedral.

    I am sorry.

    "... thank you," she answers. "Even if everything in my body and mind wants to scream right now..."

    Even if the scars don't fade. Even if the harrowing trauma is still there, fresh as the day they were produced...

    It's something.

    Perhaps someday, she'll see what people like Jay and Ashley see.

    That faint glimmer of hope in the distance...

    Right now, she can't see it.

    "... be well, Avril. I cannot say what may come our way even in the near future. But..."

    But she can say enough to say 'be well' to her...

    It is something.

<Pose Tracker> Avril Vent Fleur has posed.

    "I... chose it. That is correct." Avril briefly closes her eyes. "I will not color my own choice by claiming I have no other choice but to walk this path. ...I have still chosen it of my own free will."

    Even if to select otherwise would be a violation of her nature. Even if she cannot see a world in which she could ever truly run from who she is. It is the path she chose.

    And it is not an easy path.

    "I... hope that you will also be able to chose your own path someday, Yue. I--"

    Yue steps past her, then. Avril only turns to watch her as she goes, sensing on some level that the other woman is...

    There are times to reach out, she has learned.

    There are also times when it is appropriate to draw back, to permit space and time to mend what presence cannot.

    Avril glances away, her eyes closed again.

    "I am sorry," she says, even knowing she cannot apologize for what she cannot remember.

    'Be well.'

    "You, as well. Someday, I..."

    But just as she cannot truly apologize, neither can she promise.

    Without her past, she can have no future.

    She turns as Yue moves to leave, gazing up again at the stained glass windows.

    "Anastasia..."