2020-07-11: Id-le Gossip

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  • Log: Id-le Gossip
  • Cast: Xantia, Dean Stark
  • Where: Kattelox City - Downtown
  • Date: July 11, 2020
  • Summary: Xantia and Dean chance upon each other in Kattelox City, and the subject soon turns to their mutual good friend: the Demon of Elru. If you have any pity in your heart, please bestow it upon this poor destroyer of civilizations.

========================<* Kattelox City - Downtown *>========================

Kattelox City boasts one of the most advanced living standards in Aquvy, comparable to major cities such as those of Guild Galad and Meria Boule. A dense urban sprawl of roads built for automobiles sets it part from other cities in Filgaia, as well as the two-storey townhouses that have become commonplace as the City continues to prosper with its association with the Digger's Guild. Attractions in the Downtown include a Park with nice seating areas, and a library stocked with Aquvian literature over the years.

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrCnzkAGRsY
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

"Muuuuch better!"

Xantia stretches herself out upon exiting one of a series of many identical dwellings on the outskirts of downtown Kattelox. Temporary housing, usually reserved for people associated with the Digger's Guild, with the occasional exception - Xantia being one of those. She needed a place to stay for a while, she'd been helping out the Guild a bunch, one thing led to another.

Though she's been out and active pretty much the entire time, only yesterday was she finally given the official okay to put pressure back on her previously broken ribs. As such, it's been a while since she got to once again wear her currently preferred mode of dress: a suit of light armor that protects the body, but leaves the arms and legs mostly uncovered for ease of mobility. Xantia flexes her muscles a bit, taking a moment to get used to it again, but as she just said out loud, this feels much better to wear than casual clothing.

It sure does make her stand out all the more for it, as she starts to jog over to the local park. And that color scheme. All red and black with gold trimmings... and worn by somebody with longer red hair than ever. Kind of reminds one of somebody, doesn't it?

<Pose Tracker> Dean Stark has posed.

        Dean, for his part, has been staying at Honeysday with his friends for the past while, partly to help defend the place from the Gobs that keep stealing from their fields, partly because their fried noodles are DELICIOUS, and partly because for such a small rural town, they actually have some open buildings available for them to stay. But with the recent acquisition of a monowheel, Dean can now take long, rambling trips and expect to get back in a decent amount of time all the same.
        
        Today, he's revved across the countryside as far as Kattlelox, which he knows mostly for its Apple Market. This time, he's walking a little further afield in the city, crunching on an apple (of course he bought one on his way on!) and looking around thoughtfully at the buildings. A park welcomes him up ahead, and he glances towards someone jogging on towards it--
        
        He has to double-take at first. While Xantia doesn't exactly have Id's build, the color scheme and the long red hair is enough to make him go 'wait, whaaaat?' The last time he spoke with Id, he just did so through Fei's body, so he hadn't expected to see him full Id here. Of course, he isn't Full Id here, because it's Xantia, not Id. Kind of a funny coincidence that she's dressed like Id, though!
        
        "Heeeey!" Dean raises an arm and waves it at his friend. "Xantiaaaa! Long time no see!" He jogs on over to join her, chowing down on that apple until there's nothing but seeds and a stem left. Once he's close enough, he says brightly, "How've you been? It feels like it's been ages!"

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Of course you'd get apples whenever you pass through the Apple Market, it's impossible to not think about having an apple every time! At least that's been Xantia's experience. Good thing they actually have apples over there, that would've been the worst betrayal otherwise.

It's certainly true that the best Xantia could ever do is Bootleg Id, she doesn't have nearly the correct height for one thing. Also the original armor is way too bulky for her tastes. So she's absolutely legally distinct. Original design, do not steal. Pay no attention to the fact that the details of said design pretty much scream 'inspired by'.

None of that is actively on Xantia's mind as she hears a familiar voice call her name, prompting her stop close to the park entrance. After brushing a few strands of hair aside, she returns the wave, smiling brightly. "Oh, Dean, hi! Didn't know you were around!" Naturally, the detail she immediately notices about him doesn't have anything to do with the way he's dressed. It's the rapidly disappearing apple, which immediately makes her stomach growl. "...Need to get some apples," she reminds herself out loud. At least Dean knows how to fully appreciate an apple (though Xantia would have no problem eating the seeds and stem too).

Xantia rubs her chin when Dean mentions it's been a while, shrugging a bit then smiling sheepishly. "Has it? I can't really tell. Feels like it was only yesterday to me!" The secret to not noticing the passage of time is to not pay attention to it. But she has to admit, "Though, it does sort of feel like I've been here forever. They had me take it easy after breaking my ribs, even though it was all healed up in no time. I get it though, I heal real quick, it's hard for people to understand."

<Pose Tracker> Dean Stark has posed.

        Extremely true. You gotta have an apple from Apple Market anytime you pass through!
        
        The height was definitely a giveaway, yeah, and the armor isn't quite the same either. But it's close enough for a double-take! It might just be a coincidence--it's not like those are rare colors--but once Dean gets closer and sees those details... It's kind of hard to think that someone could just come up with this by accident.
        
        "I'm just here to look around. I've only ever been to the Apple Market and not the rest of town, so today I figured, why don't I change that?" He brushes off the seeds and stem into the park, where they'll biodegrade and/or grow more apple trees. Win-win for everyone!
        
        Only yesterday for her? Dean scratches his head. When was the last time they met? He can't quite recall. Everything happens so much. "I guess I can't tell either," he admits with a laugh. The news that Xantia's been here recovering broken ribs gets her a concerned look, though. "Oh wow, really? I'm glad you're feeling better now, at least! I got injured real bad myself not too long ago, and having to stay in bed suuuuucked. It's so boring!!"
        
        He pauses. "By the way, and I hope this doesn't sound too weird... but are you dressed up to look like Id on purpose?"

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia lets out a chuckle. "That's kinda funny. You wanted to see the town, and I pretty much can't wait to go see other things again." Not that she hasn't found ways to stay occupied and help people while she was at it, but it sure is well past due time to move on. Nothing against this city, she just prefers not to stay in any one place for a very long time. Just the kind of Drifter lifestyle that she's been following for as long as she can remember.

A brief flash of distress is visible in Xantia's eyes. Enough so to be able to tell that she's holding back comment on Dean's casual disposal of the apple's remains. Equal odds on if that triggered the 'no littering' reflex she was taught as part of Hero Training, or her more common 'no wasting food' reflex. Yes, that still counts as food. Why wouldn't it?

When Dean makes it clear that he can't remember the last time they spoke, Xantia is quick to fill in that blank. "It was when Luca was attacked by Fiends. I've seen you since then, but that was the last time we talked." She remembers what happened vividly. She just doesn't remember when that was, exactly. She then looks pensive a moment, as if only now realizing, "I guess that means it has been a while, we've been back from Spira for a pretty long time, huh?"

As for Dean's concern, Xantia is quick to wave that off. "It's fine, it's fine! Look!" She firmly pats her armor where the injury used to be several times. "Totally fine, doesn't hurt at all." And then it's her turn to look concerned. "I hope you're fine now too, then. It really is boring to stay in bed. So I just didn't. It was fine, but people made such a fuss about it at first."

Xantia would've waved off the weirdness of Dean's question since, well, she probably asks weird questions all the time, but this one takes her off guard. She blinks, pauses a moment... and then smiles brightly. "I am dressed up to look like Id on purpose, I'm glad someone noticed! Even Id didn't notice until I told him I dressed up to look like him on purpose!"

<Pose Tracker> Dean Stark has posed.

        "Guess it's all about where you've been the last while, huh?" Dean says with a laugh of his own. "I haven't been here in a while myself, and I've never been to this part of town at all, so it's all new to me." He's a wanderer himself who yearned for ages to leave his small country hometown to travel to the Big City (it never really mattered which one) and become a Golem Hunter. He's still not a Golem Hunter, but Dean's pretty content with taking the long road to his dream. He's young; he'll make it happen someday!
        
        He catches that look of distress in Xantia's eyes. Mistaking it for maybe some residual pain from her broken ribs, he asks in concern, "What? What's wrong?" But she pats herself to show she's over the injury, so he brightens. "Oh good! Yeah, I am too." He laughs ruefully, scratching his head. "I totally would've done the same as you and not stayed in bed, but... Avril and Rebecca were already so upset. Avril even cried... I couldn't bear to make her cry even more." Dean's weakness: revealed...!
        
        Xantia points out it was when Luca was attacked by Fiends. Dean's eyes widen. "Oh man, you're right! That was even longer ago than I thought!" He scratches his head. "Man... We've been back to Filgaia so long, it feels like everything that happened in Spira was a dream... I know it wasn't, just--everything there was so different compared to how things are here and even the rest of Lunar, y'know?" He tilts his head as Xantia reacts to the question of Id... then grins back with her. Xantia's a good girl, so she wouldn't do something like this to be a jerk, and if she'd told Id about it directly-- "That's so great! I didn't know you were friends with Id, too! Wow, I'm so glad he's got someone nice like you around!" Dean beams.

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

At this point it would probably make sense to offer to show Dean around, but such things just don't come to Xantia's mind. Sightseeing is a foreign concept to her, she'd just wonder if you're not always seeing sights while your eyes are open. So all she really has to say is, "Well, it's a pretty big place! Even bigger if you count all the ruins around here that people go to. But I've been here for..." Whoops, passage of time again. "...weeks, I guess? That's too long for seeing everything." In her opinion, anyway.

Though visibly relieved that Dean is also alright now, there's a complicated look in Xantia's eyes when she hears that Avril was crying over his injury. Uh-oh, is this weakness going to be exploited? Nah, of course not, that wouldn't even come to Xantia's mind. What she's taking away from that is, "So Avril cries..." Apparently this is something that's surprising to her.

On the matter of Spira, Xantia can only nod her head in agreement. "It sure was different. And not great. I was trying to understand what a vacation is, so I tried to think of it as one of those, but after a while I just couldn't relax anymore. I just don't belong on Lunar, I need to be here." For... reasons, presumably.

But Xantia's mood is the brightest it could possibly be when the subject turns to Id. "Oh, you're also friends with Id? That's great, he needs more friends! He'd say he doesn't, but he totally does! I'm kind of surprised, I mean, he's not very nice most of the time, always tries to push people away. But I guess that wouldn't stop you, huh?" She crosses her arms, frowning a bit. "...I wish he'd be that glad about it. He's just always talking about his 'role', and how he's 'not allowed' things, and how 'he'll kill me one day'." She says that last one just as casually as the other two things she put in audible quotes.

<Pose Tracker> Dean Stark has posed.

        It's fine if Xantia doesn't offer to show him around; she spent part of the time in this city healing, after all, and she's (presumably) not a local. Even if she's been here longer than Dean has, she probably doesn't know much more about the sights than he does. And anyway, part of the fun is just walking around on your own two feet and seeing things for yourself! ...Though part of the fun is also seeing things with a friend.
        
        "Oh, yeah, I've been to some of the ruins, too," Dean says with a nod. He frowns at Xantia's reaction to Avril, though. "Of course she cries! She's a person, too!" he insists, a little more hotly than might be warranted. Looks like that's a sore spot too for some reason...
        
        At least it doesn't last. "Yeah, Spira was just... weird, in a lot of ways. Not really ones I enjoyed, either," Dean admits. "It wasn't bad? But... boy, even if you tried to think of it like a vacation at first, all that war stuff sure ruined that, huh." His expression shifts to concern. "I hope everybody's okay over there... I never would've thought Althena's Guard would do something like that. There's a lot of nice people in there..."
        
        At least there's a topic available to cheer everyone up: Id, everyone's lovably grumpy pal!! "He does," Dean enthuses. "He's a lot nicer than he acts a lot of the time, you know! But he doesn't seem to think he deserves nice things... He said some stuff to me about how someone did a bunch of horrible things to him, and how he's just like that person, and now it's really hard for him to trust anybody... I'm not surprised he talks to you like that, too." Especially how 'he'll kill her one day.' Dean scoffs. "Oh yeah, he says that to me too! We were talking just a week or two ago, because I needed some advice from him, and before he gave me some really good advice he was all 'maybe I'll kill you right here and now!' but the worst he did was kick some sand in my face. It's like, sure, Id. Sure. You know?!"

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia reacts kind of as if she was just shot at Dean's suddenly outburst, a hand brought up to her heart and everything. "I-I'm sorry!" She looks down, sadly. "...you're right, of course. All people cry. What sort of person wouldn't ever cry?" She might just be ashamed and apologetic. But if it feels like there's more to it... that's not inaccurate.

Whatever the case, she is more than a little eager to get away from the topic. Even if it turns to a bit of a grim one. "War ruins everything. It just doesn't feel like there's anything I can do. Anything I did do just felt like making it worse." Which isn't to say that she's done with bad ideas though. "If I knew where she is I'd rather just go to Althena herself and convince her she's wrong so she'll stop the whole thing." Yes, Xantia wants to go punch another goddess, that is the correct interpretation here.

And speaking of punching, Id is always good for that, and for deflating any amount of tension between people who clearly know him better than he knows himself. Xantia only gets more and more excited with every familiar thing she hears. "Wow, this is amazing! I didn't think there'd be anyone else who feels the same way about Id and has the same kind of talks with him! I mean, I get it, Solaris did bad things to him, and he's all convinced that some things are just impossible for him after so long. I don't know if you knew that, but he's really old, see. So he remembers losing lots of people he cared about, and now he's afraid of losing more people he cares about, so he tries to just stop people from caring about him so he can stop caring about them. But like I keep telling him, that's not how any of that works! You don't get to decide if other people care about you!"

She actually laughs at Dean's reaction to Id's threats. "You know, I've fought him a bunch of times, even all by myself, and he hasn't killed me yet. So I don't even believe that anymore. But I--" She pauses, her smile fading. "I think that maybe there's another reason. And, that actually kind of scares me a little. I think that he's afraid that getting close to me is going to somehow lead to him losing his memories of me. I don't know how or why that would happen, but..." But it's painful to hear, especially considering her personal circumstances.

<Pose Tracker> Dean Stark has posed.

        "Oh! Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you," Dean utters, seeing Xantia's reaction. He holds up both hands palm-out. "It's just that someone said something mean about her recently that was close to that--but they were doing it on purpose. You were just a little surprised. I get it--sometimes you say something and it comes out wrong." He smiles and gives her an encouraging nod. "As long as you understand!" Which she clearly does, so.
        
        He sobers at the topic of war. "Yeah. I wish we could do that, too. Maybe next time we go to... Meribia, right? That's where she lives, right?" Dean isn't exactly clear on this, being a non-Althenan. He's an atheist in general, though this isn't so much an active lack of belief in any kind of god so much as just not having thought about it before. Capo Bronco never had a church, and any clergyfolk would have to walk all the way out to the sticks to preach. Most folks there just believe what they believe and let it be so long as everyone's pitching in to keep the village afloat.
        
        But more importantly: Id. Dean brightens at Xantia as she, too, gets more and more excited. "We should all be friends together!" he agrees enthusiastically. Enthusiasm gives way to puzzlement at the news of Id's... longevity. It's not outright confusion, though; somehow, Dean just had a feeling. Something about the things that Id said... "Yeah, you're right," he says about how caring about people doesn't work that way. "But I didn't know about him being really old and losing lots of people." His eyebrows furrow. "I thought he was Fei, though? At least, he shares a body with him. How does that work? D'you know?"
        
        Dean starts moseying into the park, slow enough that Xantia can easily follow along. "Yeah, I don't think he's really going to kill either of us," he says with confidence. "If he really wanted to, he would've done it by now. He tried the first time we met! Almost broke my neck." But... Id's afraid of losing his memories of her? Dean nods soberly. "I've never lost my memories, but I've been with Avril a long time... I've seen how much it hurts to try to search for a part of yourself you can't quite reach." On top of that, he has an inkling of how much it might hurt to actually get in hand's reach of it, and realize it might not be something you want to remember after all.
        
        "You know, I think it's more than just Solaris. When we talked, he talked about this specific one person. I was trying to tell him that he's not a bad person because of all the good advice he gives, and he said it's just because he doesn't want anyone else to turn out like he is, because of that guy. I don't know who it is or if they're even still alive... If he's that old, they might've died a long time ago. He also talked a lot about how giving back what you've gotten is the most fair thing there is, and that's what he believes is justice."
        
        Dean stops in the middle of a grassy area and tucks his hands in his pockets. "I can see his point of view, too. If someone tries to hurt you, obviously you're going to try to defend yourself. Sometimes that means hurting the other person. Anyone who's been a Drifter for long enough knows that," Dean says. "But I think if that's all anyone ever did, people like him who've been in such deep pain they can't help but lash out... They'd always be alone. I don't like that. I don't think that's real justice."
        
        He shakes his head. "Of course, I know that there's some people out there who really are bad! They don't care who they hurt or who gets hurt, as long as they get what they want. I can't forgive those types! But... I don't think that's what Id is." He smiles then. "He also said that if you've got someone like him who's been hurt bad and can't trust, all you can do is hold out your hand, over and over, until they get it through your head that you're there for real. So I think, for you and me both, we just gotta take his advice and keep holding a hand out to him until he gets we're not going anywhere!"

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Xantia is relieved Dean gets it. She certainly doesn't, she has no idea what exactly causes things to 'come out wrong'. She wouldn't even know how to say something with a hidden meaning, as far as she knows she just says things. She smiles and nods when Dean apologizes and explains, but full understanding may be a bit too much to hope for. Regardless, with the situation defused she's quick to put it behind her.

She just kind of shrugs helplessly at the question of where Althena lives. "I kind of hope we don't have to go there at all, but if we do... I'd ask a Seraph friend for help." No, not that one - Xantia's pretty sure that this is something that wouldn't concern Ragnell nearly as much as it would Clarine.

Xantia is of course completely on board with Dean's suggestion regarding Id. "Yeah, we really should! Let's see him fight off two friends at the same time!" She probably doesn't mean that literally. Probably. Actually it's pretty rare for Xantia to not be entirely literal in the things she says, but she's gotten at least a little better about that sort of thing. Yet it is Xantia, you never know.

Regarding Id's age, Xantia opens her mouth to answer, then closes it again. She's not surprised that Dean knows that Id is Fei's alter ego, but something about what he said... She looks down, hand on her chin, mulling this over. Trying to mentally put it all together isn't working, and it's the first time she's realized it. "I... don't know how that works," she finally admits. "Id is Id and Fei is Fei, but, if Id is that old, then... how old is Fei?"

She quietly follows along with Dean into the park, brow still furrowed as she ponders this mystery she didn't know was there before. She thought she had it all figured out in every way that matters to her, but... this bothers her. Her attention isn't really drawn back until Dean speaks of Avril again, and losing memories. She smiles wryly at that. "I know a few things about that. But, after all this time... the thought of it happening again, of losing the memories that I've built up since then... that now scares me more than the thought of never getting my old memories back. I feel like it's probably the same for Avril. And Fei. And probably Id, too."

She is more attentive afterwards, listening with interest to the sorts of things Id has discussed with Dean. There are not things she's heard about before. "Justice..." At first she only repeats that one word. It's one of those concepts that she doesn't understand. How could she, when it seems to have a different meaning every time she hears it? When Dean disagrees with Id's justice, she feels ready to take that conclusion one step further.

"You know... I was going to be a hero once. I read a whole lot about justice, how it's important to make sure justice is done, and say things like 'feel my fist of justice' and all that. I didn't really get it, I just did what the books said. But now... it feels like every time somebody talks about justice they mean something else. So I don't know what it means anymore."

She pauses, then shrugs. "Maybe it doesn't mean anything. I feel like whenever people are talking about justice, they're doing it to make a bad thing sound better than it is. To make it sound like what they're doing is fair, even when it's obviously not."

It might be surprising to hear such things from Xantia. She doesn't usually give the impression of somebody who thinks too deeply about things. But, talk to her long enough, and one tends to find out that if that was ever true, it isn't any longer.

Yet when the moment has passed, Xantia quickly returns to her all-smiles, bright and cheerful usual self. "So yeah, I get it! All you have to do is treat people the way they deserve to be treated, right? That's what I do all the time! And I never give up on people who are obviously lonely and need friends. So let's keep it up, you and me!"

<Pose Tracker> Dean Stark has posed.

        Dean is not always sure himself what makes something come out wrong either. But he's been friends with Rebecca long enough to know that it is indeed a thing, and sometimes you just have to watch what you say even if you didn't mean what other people thought you meant by it. He's more than happy to move away from that topic, too.
        
        He laughs at Xantia's suggestion they fight Id both at once. Maybe he also took it literally, maybe he didn't? But there's a bigger question of Fei's age. "I don't know either," he admits. "He doesn't //seem// that old... but he's also got some amnesia too, now that I think of it. Maybe he thinks he's younger than he really is?" Dean scratches his head, puzzled. "I'm not sure how it works..." He smiles bracingly. "Then again, does it matter? They're still our friends, no matter how old they are!"
        
        Xantia brings up her own memories. "Oh yeah, you've got some lost memories too, don't you? Gosh. I know a lot of people with amnesia," Dean comments with an air of surprise. "It's really easy to forget sometimes." He sobers. "It must be a lot harder for you guys." She comments that it's much scarier to lose the memories she has now than to never regain the ones she already lost. Dean nods. "Yeah. I can only imagine."
        
        Xantia then comments about how she was going to be a hero, but then "justice" lost all meaning to her. "Hmmm." Dean folds his arms, thinking. "I don't think it means nothing, and I don't think it's just a word to make bad things sound pretty, though I'm sure some people do use it like that... but maybe it means different things to different people," he says slowly. "'Justice' is basically doing what's right, right? But what's right changes depending on what's going on. For example, it's wrong to steal, right? So stopping a thief would be justice. But what if that thief is stealing because they've got a sick kid at home they need to feed, and they wouldn't earn money fast enough from an honest job? Is it really justice to get them thrown in jail then? Who's going to take care of that sick kid if you do? But at the same time, it's still not right to take things that don't belong to you. What if the person who got robbed also has a sick kid, and now they can't take care of them because of what they lost?" Dean shakes his head. "So it's really complicated sometimes. I get why you're confused about it; it's hard for me, too."
        
        Perhaps an equally surprising, nuanced take from Dean. But like Xantia, he's not as simple as he seems on the surface. Dean's not dumb, unlike what many people often assume about him; he just thinks differently from most other people. He's also seen a lot and talked to many people during his many years on the road. He's had a lot of time to think deeply about things, just like Xantia has.
        
        So when she agrees that they ought to keep up doing their best to be kind to people who need friends, Dean grins back. "Yeah! You're exactly right! We can do anything as long as we don't give up!" He offers his fist to Xantia for a fistbump. "Here's to doing our best, all the time!"

<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.

Take it from Xantia: it's easier to just fail to notice or even consider the possibility that people might have put some sort of nuance into what they said. That way you never have to wonder if it could have meant anything more or different than the exact thing they said. Simple!

On the matter of Fei, Xantia chuckles, and shakes her head. "I guess it doesn't matter that much. Just kind of curious exactly how much of a big brother he is, you know?" Not that you have any idea how old you are yourself, Xantia.

At this point, with all the new ones she's made since then, one could say she has 'some' lost memories. But to Xantia, it's always felt like she lost everything she used to be. "I don't remember anything past a certain point. Most of what I have is memories from the last few years. I've remembered a few things since then, but it's mostly just flashes. I can't be sure about much. That's the hardest part, being unsure about so many things." But, as she already said... her current memories matter too. This is now less about reclaiming a lost identity, and more about simply gathering information about it.

Dean's own 'justice speech' is nothing like anything Xantia read in her books on heroism (all considered to be facts, of course, even the ones that were quite overt about being fiction). There tended to be few shades of grey in those, which made it easy to understand at the time, but reality proved to work differently. The example especially does much to put things in perspective. "Oh, I see... I never thought of it that way." It's about all she can definitively say about it for now. It is indeed still complicated, sounds like she'll need to put more thought into this one.

However, that is for later worry. For now, Xantia is more than happy to give Dean a fistbump in return - which doesn't hurt much, lucky for Dean. She needed some practice on the proper amount of strength to put behind a fistbump to get to this point. "Yeah, that's right! We can't fail if we never give up!"