2020-08-14: We'll Make It Be Okay
- Log: We'll Make It Be Okay
- Cast: Fei Fong Wong, Xantia
- Where: The Thames - Upper Deck
- Date: August 14, 2020
- Summary: Fei is shaken to the core by Josephine's betrayal. Xantia makes it her business to do something about that, sharing her own point of view on the matter.
========================<* The Thames - Upper Deck *>========================= The Thames is a derelict aircraft carrier turned bustling hub of salvage and Digging operations within the Great Sea region of Aquvy, helmed by an eccentric walrus beastman who only answers by the title of "Captain". The idiosyncratic and lively citizens of this carrier -- a healthy and diverse mix of humans, beastmen, elves, Gorons, Rito and just about anyone else you know -- make their living performing on- and off-shore salvage operations for parts and lost technologies, selling them off to the Ethos or the Diggers' Guild. The Upper Deck of the Thames serves as both a launching and landing pad for Gears and other crafts, and a full crew of salvage and maintenance folks can always be seen assisting with the operations. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YREOhjsSvOs <Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei went missing for a while before ultimately being found again defending Claiborne against invasion. Whatever happened there convinced Fei to return to the Thames. Why did he go missing? Well... it might have a little something to do with Josie shooting him. That's certainly why he was unconscious in bed for like a week.
But Fei has returned. And he's sitting on the edge of the Thames as he holds a fishing rod in his hands. Periodically, he performs a cast. He isn't smiling nor does he seem all that happy or anything.
He just kinda stares quietly ahead as he fishes. By himself. Which right now, might be what he prefers...
...But Xantia isn't going to let him off that easy, is she?!
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
This is a pretty good defense against any tackling attempts that might happen, to be fair. Even in her wildest moments of enthusiasm, Xantia has yet to tackle anybody right off a ship.
But this doesn't stop her from approaching in a different way. It's... a pretty normal way even. Just calmly walking up behind Fei, actually taking care not to surprise him. She's aware of the circumstances, having been brought up to date on the recent happenings within the Wolves. Given that, she'd rather gauge Fei's current mood before anything else.
Which doesn't mean that she isn't going to address him in a mildly jocular way once he turns around, or she comes to a stop a short distance behind him, whichever comes first.
"I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?"
She might be addressing more than one person with that remark. Either way, there's no real admonishment in her tone, only fondness to go along with a faint but warm smile.
It's pretty easy to turn this around on her - she's been on Kattelox for a whole lot longer than a second, longer than she said she would be too. Of course she could be expecting that to happen, in which case you might activate her trap card...!
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
Fei doesn't turn around for a while. For a moment it might seem like he doesn't know Xantia is there, but eventually he says, without turning around, "Hey sis." Yeah his mood isn't great. Sorry Xan! But this is probably better than numerous possibilities up to and including not acknowledging Xantia's presence, immediate ranting about the chaotic cruelty of the universe, and throwing himself off the Thames instead of facing her.
But he does admit after some thought. "Guess not. I'm a handful, aren't I?" This might be a strange thing for Xantia to be told rather than to have to admit for herself, but he does finally turn to look to Xantia. "It's good to see you," he adds, as if he just thought that was something he ought to do.
"Didja want to hear a story?" He adds, looking back forward.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Being totally ignored would probably have been the worst of those options. This is Xantia after all, jumping off the Thames would just make her do the same thing, with equal odds on whether or not she'd even realize it wasn't meant to be a fun game of some sort.
At least the mood she was prepared for, to a degree. It feels a little worse than she was hoping for. Maybe she really shouldn't have stayed away for quite this long. While she gives Fei the time he needs to respond, when he finally says he's a handful, she shakes her head.
"...Sorry. I guess cheering you up isn't that easy right now, is it?"
At least she's acknowledged as a welcome sight, which is all the encouragement she needs to seat herself down next to Fei, dangling her legs over the edge of the Thames's deck. "Leon told me what happened," she clarifies. "I'm not here to blame you for anything. Not like I have any right to, I wasn't even there, even though I promised I'd be there for you at times like that."
She looks over with a curious expression when Fei suggests a story. "If you want to tell a story, sure."
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"No," Fei admits. "Guess not." He almost sounds embarrassed, as if he hoped it would've been that easy. He throws out his fishing line one more time, almost like he's impatient for a fish to take his line so he's not giving it time.
"Why would I be blamed?" Fei asks. "I didn't shoot anybody in the chest. Honestly if it wasn't for Id, we might've lost someone." He laughs a bit. "I guess I am the type to take the blame for everything, but in this one there's not really much I can blame myself for. I wish I was strong enough to resist him, sure, but honestly? He was probably right."
He looks to Xantia for a moment and then back forward.
"When we first made it to Elru, when we first saw what I'd done there. Or Id had done. Whatever. I asked Josie to do something for me."
"I didn't know I was Id at the time. If I knew that, well, maybe I'd have done something different. I don't know. But I asked her... If I went out of control again like I did Lahan. I wanted her to take me out before I could hurt anyone. Especially all of you."
He sighs faintly. "She didn't, of course. And she gave me a hard time about it. I trusted her. I trusted her to do what had to be done if the alternative was me killing all of you. But..."
In a sudden fit of fury he FLINGS his fishing pole off the edge of the boat. It's as much his own as it is his alter ego's.
He watches it sploosh into the water. That was stupid, he thinks, but he isn't going to jump into the OCEAN to get it.
"I trusted her." He openly weeps. "Why did she treat me like her friend if she was just going to do this to me? Just to hurt me more? I don't understand...!"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
On the matter of blame, Xantia at first only responds, "I wasn't talking about that." She means what happened after that. After a moment's thought, she adds, "I don't think you would've done what you did if you really thought Id was right. But, like I said, I'm not here to give you a hard time about that. Elly probably did that already, anyway."
Xantia is well aware that she tends to prattle on once she gets going, she's really trying to avoid that right now. It's more important that Fei talks about things. She not entirely sure if that's what he means by telling a story, but she's perfectly willing to listen to anything he wants to say.
A story about Josie. That makes sense, all things considered. As for the content of the story... it's a little perturbing to put it mildly, but she tries not to let to show. And especially not chime in with her own thoughts like she usually does. Fei can probably guess how Xantia'd feel about asking people to shoot him and that ever being 'what had to be done', anyway.
And then the fishing rod suddenly goes flying. She didn't see that one coming, actually reeling a bit, then blinking in confusion as she looks from the pole drifting in the ocean, to Fei, back at the pole... it goes back and forth for a bit before she suggests, "...Want me to get that for you?" Because Xantia would totally jump in the ocean to get something back for someone she cares about. She's jumped in the ocean for less good reasons.
But that's when Fei suddenly starts crying, and Xantia fidgets around in a bit of a panic, not sure about what caused that - she hopes the one thing she said wasn't something wrong! - and doubly unsure on how to act upon it. Her impulses say 'hug', but should she really do that in this situation?
When Fei makes the reason clear with his words though, she decides that yes, she should definitely do that. She quickly scoots closer to give Fei a tight hug. "Hey, hey, it's okay, it's - well, I guess it's not exactly okay, but, listen... there's probably a reason that we don't know about that made her feel like she had to do this. There's a lot about this that doesn't make any sense when you think about it."
Pulling away slightly so she can look Fei in the eyes, she shows clear concern and hesitation, but in the end, there's really only one thing she can think of to suggest. "I know I wasn't there, so maybe I shouldn't be saying anything because I don't know what it was like, but... I thought about this a lot, so maybe I can tell you what doesn't make sense about it to me, and maybe that will help somehow?"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"..." This is Fei's answer as to whether Xantia should go get the pole or not. If Xantia wants to go get it, he probably won't stop her! But he isn't going to make that ask because, well, he's already sobbing. He can get more fishing poles. And it's probably going to sink soon. Xantia hugs him and, well, he does wiggle a bit as if he wants to get free but he ultimately gives up before too long. He likes Xantia hugs but for mysterious reasons, his ability to trust is seriously damaged. Even if Josie felt like she had to do this--hell even if she had a good reason to...
She still shot him in the chest. CUTSCENE BULLETS ARE NO JOKE. Just imagine what Fei would feel like if Elly shot him in the chest! It'd be terrible!
"Okay." He says. "What doesn't make sense?"
He doesn't move from there. His tone doesn't suggest a lot of HOPE here.
But at least he does kind of lean into Xantia. And sigh.
AND MOPE.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Sadly it seems the pole's fate is sealed, as Xantia isn't about to prioritize retrieving it over trying to make Fei feel better. Which may be difficult, to put it mildly, but she'll take even marginally better. She can only hope at least some of the conclusions she's reached make sense to people other than herself, she finds that difficult to predict.
She is at least sure that hugs can only help at a time like this, which is why she insists upon it despite the squirming. Fei should remember just how tight Xantia hugs used to be back when she had less control over her own strength. Truly a cautionary tale in trying to fight it too much when she's made up her mind about you getting that hug.
Thankfully, Xantia doesn't understand betrayal on a fundamental level, so in that regard she's probably one of the safer people to give your trust to. On the other hand, this is also the position that she's looking at the Josie situation from, so one has to wonder what kind of insights she could possibly have. But at the very least, when one is short on hope, she can always be counted on to provide whatever straws there are grasp at.
She pats Fei on the back, not letting him go for the time being. "Alright. I'll tell you. Just... give me a moment to try and explain, okay? It's not always easy for me to put my thoughts into words." After a short pause, she begins.
"I guess my main question is... why are you all still alive?"
She lets that question hanging just long enough to feel uncomfortable about it, before she abruptly breaks the hug so that she can wave her hands in front of her in alarm. "No no no, that, um, how do you say it, 'that came out wrong'?"
She takes a moment to recompose before trying again. "What I mean is... Josie knows everything about us, right? And you didn't suspect anything, right? Don't you think that she could have killed someone before any of you could react?"
She keeps a hand raised to wordlessly say 'hang on, I'm not done', seeing an obvious objection coming. "Yes, I know, she shot you in the chest. So... why you? Why not someone else? Why somewhere that wasn't instantly lethal? This was all planned in advance, right? So she did exactly what she meant to. And she had to know exactly what would happen."
With a helpless shrug, as she doesn't have a good answer to the question this leads her to, she questions aloud, "Why would anybody want to do something on purpose that's almost guaranteed to bring Id out, and cause him to be very mad at you?"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"She said she needed us to get the door open." Fei says. "Specifically--needed Lily so she knew how to open up the door. I don't even know what's behind that door but--I guess she could've used me as a backup. Sometimes I can read Zeboim pretty well." He looks over to Xantia and adds, "I mean, she nearly did kill me. Getting shot in the chest tends to do that. It'd be one thing if I had my defenses up, but I completely wasn't expecting her to shoot me." As to why not anybody else? "Well uh. She did shoot Elly in the chest too. I think she defended it better but..."
Oh no he is pointing out facts in the case that Xantia was missing!
"But...you are right. She did know that it would bring Id out." And stayed behind to face their wrath besides, though Fei doesn't point that out specifically.
"...But I mean... If she was hoping to commit suicide by Id... That doesn't exactly make me feel any better." He smiles in spite of saying this though and adds, "I appreciate you being here though. I really need some good company. I just hope you don't mind me not being my best right now."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia is completely undaunted by the new facts getting pointed out to her. She doesn't even look particularly surprised by them, as if she'd been ready to argue against possible counterpoints all along.
"Josie is a sniper, Fei. They know better than anyone where to shoot people to kill them instantly. And she also knows us. She knows about Elly's Ether abilities. If I'd been there, she'd probably have seriously injured me too, because she knows I heal quickly even from serious wounds. I just can't believe that she shot you with the intent to kill you, either of you." She's not done with that. If anything, she only becomes more insistent with time.
"Why were you there, Fei? You said it yourself: if all she wanted to do was open the door, she'd only need Lily. Or Leon, he'd be the better backup. Josie's smart, I'm sure she could have managed to set it up to just have the three of them go to open the door. Then she'd only have two people to deal with. But she brought four of you. Why?"
It takes the mention of 'suicide by Id' to take some of the wind out of her sails. That one causes her to rub her chin for a moment, frowning, until she eventually concludes, "That doesn't make sense either. You don't really have to try to get yourself killed, especially not when you're fighting Id. Besides, she survived. Unless she suddenly changed her mind and decided she wanted to live, but... do you really think she'd go through all that trouble to open the door, planning to die before even seeing what's there?" She answers that one herself, shaking her head. "No. She must have had a different reason."
She actually looks confused when Fei says he's glad that she's here. She'd gotten so caught up in trying to figure this out - not for the first time - that she has trouble separating that statement from it all, and finds herself wondering what it has to do with anything. It takes her a moment to finally smile, and take the appreciation for what it is. "Well, that's why I'm trying to help! If you couldn't tell, I'm kind of... not convinced that Josie was doing the best she could, and only made it look like she was. Even if we probably won't be able to figure out the reason, and I can't really say it makes everything better... I just hope I can help you a little, you know?"
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"Because...we're a team?" Fei asks. "..."
COULD Josie have set it up just so that it was Leon and Lily anyway? It's a good question--and maybe Josie isn't TRYING to kill herself with Id...but... it's also possible she just figured she could hold him off for a while.
"I mean, I can tell you're trying to help but... Sometimes when you're in a bad mood. You just have to ride it out. And sometimes well... Sometimes it takes longer than others. I don't know how I'm going to be, but... Elly said leaving is the worst thing I could do to her so... ... Even if I don't really get it, I'm not going to. I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere. At least, not until Id's in charge all the time.
He seems to treat it as an inevitability.
But he does smile again and add, "I hope you're right about her. But I think... This is the sort of thing that's just hard for me. And we have to accept that."
He pauses though and adds, "But...even though that's the case... Of course you're helping me." The smile even briefly reaches his eyes. "You're always helping me, Xantia. I didn't think I'd ever be happy again. And then I met you and ever since then... Everything really turned around. You dragged me back into the world. That means a lot to me, even during times like this. I'm..."
He sighs again, looking back over the ocean. "I'm sorry I'm not always good at showing it."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia doesn't have the answers. What she does have is a lot of questions. Anyone would be forgiven for not thinking her the type to even know the meaning of the word 'analyze', but when it's about finding hope in a seemingly hopeless situation, you bet she'll be putting in all the effort she can to find it.
Still, now that she's lost steam on the stream on consciousness, she's quick to revert back to the more commonly seen side of Xantia. Who right now looks a little embarrassed for going off on such long tangents. She didn't intend that, but she knew she wouldn't be able to stop easily once she got going.
"I guess I don't really know about... 'riding out' a bad mood. But, you know how I can't just do nothing. So, I'm just doing what feels right for me to do for you right now. If it makes you feel even a little better, it's worth it."
But, now that the biggest crisis at the very least appears to be behind them... she's gonna have to speak out a little bit, crossing her arms to do so. "Anyway, of course the worst thing you could do is leave. Nobody wants that. And I don't want that other guy to even think about doing that either. Not that there's even any point, 'cause I'll find you. You know I never give up, both of you."
She looks relieved after getting that off her chest. Even if she promised not to say anything about that incident, that still leaves her free to try and discourage any future such incidents. This quickly transitions into embarrassment again as Fei heaps praise on her, which causes her to briefly avoid his eyes. "That's... just what I said earlier. Just doing what felt right for me to do for you."
She looks back just as Fei looks away. "I think you show it just fine. I mean, you didn't push me away, did you? That sure used to be different, didn't it?" She smiles reassuringly. "We don't need to say everything out loud all the time, I think we understand each other well enough."
She looks back over the ocean as well, squinting. "...I don't see it anymore... but I bet I can still find it!"
Speaking of understanding each other: you understand that this is where you're going to need to discourage Xantia from jumping overboard in search of a fishing pole on the bottom of the ocean, right?
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"I know. You can't do nothing. You're the kind of person who can't just stand back while people are suffering. Same curse I've got." Fei smiles again. "But we're not suffering through it alone. I just...thought. Hoped. That Josie was someone who was suffering with us. But I guess she has her own path to walk." He shakes his head. "You know, if she just said... she wanted to keep what she found to herself... I wouldn't have even complained about it. I don't even know what she was looking for! Even now..."
But maybe the mystery of Josie's aims are intrinsically tied to all that.
Xantia speaks to the other guy indirectly.
"He really does seem to care for you. I just don't know if whatever...damage we have can ever really be fixed. Sometimes..."
He trails off. "Well, maybe you're helping even more than I thought since I don't feel like finishing that thought." He laughs a bit and adds, "Yeah. We've still got each other. And we get each other."
He gives Xantia a hug this time. He holds it for a long time. Almost to the point of it being more awkward than sweet.
"We'll figure this out. It might be a while but... I still believe in us." He laughs again as if he just realized this to be true.
Xantia offers to search for the fishing pole.
"Um you don't have to--" Fei starts...TOO SLOW?
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia nods throughout what Fei adds on Josie. She does understand that. Although she looks pensive a moment at the end, and suggests, "You can still hope that. I still hope that. Just... need to find out what's really going on to be sure of anything." She can't suppress a chuckle. "Easier said than done."
She laughs along with Fei when he fails to finish his thoughts regarding the Other Guy. "Well, I'm trying my best! I don't know about fixing damage, it's not really about that. It's just that I don't agree that things have to be the way he thinks they have to be. I want to prove to him that things can be different. Even if..." She scratches her cheek. "...Well, I guess I'm not really sure how I'd finish that thought. But I won't give up!"
Xantia doesn't mind awkward hugs. Mainly because no hugs are awkward in her mind. They can be long though, and she does get impatient. "...Pretty sure this is beating the record for longest hug ever," she remarks, though she's still not going to be the one to break it. This is about what Fei needs right now. ...She does have to remind him though, since it's starting to feel like he's forgotten: "I'm not going anywhere." Only to correct herself, "...Okay, I have been away from you for a pretty long time. But I'm not planning to make a habit of that."
With a bright smile, she finally concludes, "I'm figuring things out all the time! I used to think it was the memory loss, but now I think people are just always figuring things out along the way. It's just easier if you don't have to do that by yourself. I'm very grateful that I don't have to, and I can make it so that others won't have to either. So yeah, keep believing, we're gonna do just fine in the end, you'll see!"
Always having to leave things on an optimistic note. This might be the perfect time to end everything on a big splash as Xantia does something stupid, but, surprisingly, she interrupts Fei verbally. "I know, it'd be silly to try and find the old one now in all that water. Bet you I can find another pole just like it, though!" And so what actually happens is that she merely stands up, planning to head off on a more sensical quest. Sometimes progress is vaguely disappointing.
<Pose Tracker> Fei Fong Wong has posed.
"Heh," Fei says. "Yeah. Easier said than done. Though sometimes--people don't behave in an entirely logical manner. Not even Josie." He shakes his head. "Not even Doc I imagine. Hell, for all we know she only decided to betray us partway through. Or she waffled on it. Doesn't change what she did."
But he will pull away once Xantia comments on the hug, red in the face. "Anyway. As for him... Even if we know his general deal, I feel like there's a lot we still don't know about that."
He focuses on Xantia. She seems to recognize that jumping into the ocean is a bad idea. "Heh. Well," He stands himself up. "Yeah. That's... That makes sense. Good luck, sis."
He smiles faintly. "It'll be okay."
"Eventually," He adds, more quietly. "It has to be. It can only...go on for so long, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia concedes the point on Josie - or, at least, she doesn't argue against it. Of course people are going to be mad, it's not like she isn't plenty miffed herself. But she'll keep hope alive, all the same. She'll do things her way, everyone else can do things their way, that's fine.
She can't not comment on Id, though. "Sure is! There's a lot of difficult things going on with him I'm sure, but when I try to get him to talk about that I usually just get hurtful things said to me instead. I see what he's doing, but pushing me away won't work! You'd figure he'd know that by now."
She shrugs as she starts to go off on her merry Fishing Rod sidequest, and proves to be sharp of hearing when she turns in response to the quiet part of Fei's words. "If it takes too long, we'll just have to make it be okay!" With that, an encouraging smile, and a small wave, she sprints off.