2020-09-29: Our Wish

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  • Log: Our Wish
  • Cast: Lulu, Marivel Armitage
  • Where: Fahrenheit's deck.
  • Date: 2020 09, 29
  • Summary: After the briefing on the mission, Lulu and Marivel leave for an important discussion.

<Pose Tracker> Lulu has posed.

As the meeting winds down, Lulu looks to Marivel to catch her eye--once she does, she nods, and nods towards the exit of the bridge, to further out into the ship. Provided that Marivel is willing to go with her, Lulu will lead the way through the ship in silence. She says nothing at first, not to the people they pass--Al Bhed in large part, in the halls or in rooms--and not to Marivel.

But they come across a large stairway eventually, and it leads up to a deck with windows, and from there, out to the deck of the airship itself, out in the exposed air. The wind will take away any conversation that tries to stray too far from this deck. It is, in this way, good for privacy.

Here, Lulu finally speaks. "...I won't make excuses, for not telling you. It was my own weakness that prevented me from mentioning it, and while to most of these people I'd say simply that it's none of their business..."

"...With you I'm willing to discuss it."

<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.

Marivel Armitage sees Lulu leave--

and in a flash of light vanishes from her current position to appear near Lulu. She is still new to this ship and ca'nt just presume where Lulu is going to and pop up there otherwise she might just be awkwardly waiting in the wrong spot for a while. It wouldn't be the first time.

So she just follows along quietly. She expects to get an earful but she doubts she can be readily convinced to change her course. She knows that Lulu's choices were hardly out of disregard for Yuna's wellbeing--she doubts that she sees Yuna as a commodity as the church seems to. Nevertheless, Marivel spoke as harshly as she could--so that when she made her choices, none could say they weren't warned. She does not know what those choices will be yet.

They reach the deck--and Lulu says something that surprises the Crimson Noble.

"...Ah..." Marivel manages, like a Gura.

She closes her eyes a moment. "...Did I tell you about Anastasia? Remind me."

She looks out off the deck. "...It has been a long week. Long months. Vasil was completely right about me. I have become a threat to my own world--simply because I care about one person too much. I suppose your world as well for if it should happen again..."

She lowers her head. "...Then what did Ana sacrifice herself for? Just so those that came to Lunar, just so the youth of Filgaia--could continue paying her price? It was already unfair. This is just too much."

She grips the edge of the deck tightly. "I should have known. She reminded me so much of Ana for a reason--" She pauses. "--No. Tis not the sacrifices they are willing to make, rather--that care for the world that they have in common--a care that pushes them to make sacrifices they are too young to have to make, too young..."

Tears well up in the Crimson Noble's eyes despite her attempts to shut off her heart.

"What is the purpose in saving a world like that? We were supposed to be the only sacrifices. But instead there's been an entire legacy of heroic suicide that has descended from us. Not just on this world, but still yet on Filgaia. And every time the peace we claw into the world's hands is smaller and weaker. Even in the midst of Sin, genocide and slaughter."

<Pose Tracker> Lulu has posed.

Direct, to the point. If Lulu had harsher words for Marivel than for herself, she would have used them. She does not know what Marivel will do; she does not know if she will end up at odds with Marivel after all, despite either of their wishes. ...But Lulu has a way of surprising people; perhaps that's why she can manage it even with Marivel who has seen so much.

"Not in any detail," Lulu says. "But I can make some guesses, from what you've said."

A long week... long months. That is fair. Ana sacrificed herself... Yes.

"...I don't disagree," Lulu says simply. "If it were up to me, between Yuna and the world... I would choose Yuna, each time. I tried. This is my third Pilgrimage, now. On the second, our entire goal was to finish, so that Yuna wouldn't have to. Perhaps that's why we failed. ...I was willing to use Father Zuke, for that."

"My first Pilgrimage, I didn't know. I was too young, foolish."

"But... Nevertheless, there is an answer, for me at least." Lulu steps to the edge, standing beside Marivel; she does not worsen her tears by staring at her. Sure, Lulu sees them; she lets them go. Sometimes, tears are necessary.

"...Because it's the world Yuna loves. Because /Yuna/ believes that it is worth it. What choice do I have? I can't lock her up her entire life, can't force her to go home and stay home. So if I cannot save Yuna... Then I can at least ensure her wish comes true. Stay with her, until the end. Help her to save this Spira from Sin, in hopes that /this/ time it's finally enough, that it's over. But even if it isn't..."

"It's her choice. She follows her heart. And so I will see Sin defeated, or I will die protecting her."

<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.

If it were up to me, between Yuna and the world... I would choose Yuna, each time.

They couldn't be empty words, could they? Not from Lulu. Not from all these people who loved--who love her. But even so... Even so...!

"Anastasia loved her world." Marivel looks up. "She loved it so much, but even so--she wished to live. And yet, now, I am still trying to save her. Still standing at the shore calling out her name." She looks to Lulu. "I considered using the pyreflies. I know they are attunend to death. On their own, not enough! But perhaps with enough sorcery, I could forge a fiendish form and stick her soul into it. It would be a lot safer than my Plan A, I've got to tell you that much."

She laughs once, cynically. "But after seeing Seymour, knowing--" She pauses. Auron's tale is not for her to tale. "--knowing what it would be like. I suppose I ended up abandoning that plan. Still, I might find some use if I can work out the bugs. The vessel is the difficult thing. The soul still remains. As it always will."

She looks back to Lulu. "...I suppose at least, you know in advance. Ana and I never intended to make such a sacrifice. We only found out at the last moment what we would have to do... Because the help we were counting on never showed up."

She shakes her head. "The world, you see. We needed the world's help. But they just let us die. With the world, nobody would have had to sacrifice themselves. But they weren't there when we needed them." She lowers her head. "She wasn't...Haha, that's why Luceid hates the world isn't it? Because they failed utterly."

She shakes her head once more.

"...I suppose if I locked her in a box, then I would be just like Seymour. Well, not just like Seymour, but more similar than I would like to be. How Yuna loves a world that sees her as an object--perhaps that is a strength I will never understand."

She exhales out slowly. "But, Lulu. Tis true we cannot lock her in a box. And perhaps tis true that all we can do is be there for her till the end."

"But what of our love? What of our wish? When does it get granted?"

<Pose Tracker> Lulu has posed.

Perhaps Lulu is unfair to herself; that much is true, from a certain point of view. ...But in /that/ respect at least, that one choice, she knows her selfishness, her greed for more time with Yuna is real.

"That makes me concerned for your first plan," Lulu admits. "There is a part of me that would consider the same, if it were in my power. But you've seen yourself--the nature of fiends, and the Unsent. The resentment for the living that grows, with time..." She sighs. "Even the kindest person might be subject to such changes," Lulu says, and there is a haunted, old pain in her eyes that is not the pain they are discussing. But the soul remains.

"For better or worse," Lulu agrees though, "I know in advance. I'm spared the sharp, sudden pain and betrayal you've experienced. I can't say which is better, or worse; we both have what we have."

"You have my sympathy, at least, that they didn't come. For what little that's worth. I understand to a degree, though my story is very different from yours. ...Some other time, I'll have to tell you about it." Have to; Lulu is not accustomed to sharing her personal life, but Marivel has shared hers. Perhaps it's fairness. Perhaps it's friendship.

"She's far stronger than I am," Lulu says, shaking her head and looking out to the sky. "And this world doesn't deserve her, no."

Lulu keeps watching the sky, rather than looking to Marivel, as she asks those last questions, as she wonders of them. Lulu is accustomed to haing the answrs to questions. But this...

"In this," Lulu says, "I'm the lucky one, between the two of us. I won't have to live with my 'victory' nearly as long as you have." She lets that hang, wry for a moment, with a little dark humor that doesn't bring a smile to her face.

"...Yuna was already more than I deserved. I can only treasure each moment with her still. Sometimes, a wish is only a wish. Most of them never come true. If I can at least make hers... Then maybe, it will have been worth it."

<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.

Marivel says, "Oh my first plan involved summoning the demon into a friend of mine--the very demon who was the one we sealed away. I suppose it's a bit like summoning Sin again but bounding them in a host so that it doesn't immediately explode out and start eating everybody." She pauses. "Though to be clear, I am not saying that's how Sin works--or how that demon normally works--but that's what we did in this particular case though--/to be clear/--I wasn't actually the one who did it. Tis more that I allowed it to happen."

She shrugs both shoulders. "Of course Lord Blazer was going to escape eventually--thiis just sped up the process." She glances to Luna. "But the idea, of course, is that when the demon inevitably breaks free, we are in a position to destroy it. Though there's something ccoming to this galaxy, something big-- Suffice it to say that it wasn't just to save Anastasia, but that is a big part of my plan. Once Lord Blazer is gone, it will be considerably easier to save Ana but--to be clear--it will also be nearly impossible. I'll need a foolproof method."

Lulu speaks to her off the resentment for the living in the Unsent. She thinks of Auron. So tis true that eventually even he will have to--let go.

...But what bounds him to this world? Something involving this batch of Guardians.

"True. At least I was spared the anticipation."

She laughs again. "...You might be one of the few mortals who have been through what I've been through. Who will..." She looks to Lulu. "You'll regret it, you know. Even if it is the only option you have, you'll still find a way to regret it."

She slouches on the railing. She has a soft laugh at Lulu's own brand of dark humor. Tis true, though. Maybe a mortal life can endure such choices simply because they don't have to endure them for half as long.

"Then...." She pauses. "Then allow me this. If I cannot truly save her. Allow me time with her."

"Allow me to come--" She pauses. "...Well, tis up to her, but... I want to treasure the time we have."

"...I want....I want it to hurt forever. I don't want it to ever stop hurting."

Those words of Ruby's long ago. Marivel is unaware she is quoting the little dragon, but perhaps such words are embedded in the fabric of this universe. For beings like her, it never stops hurting.

They wouldn't want it to.

<Pose Tracker> Lulu has posed.

Lulu listens to Marivel's plan. She quickly surmises that she was right to be concerned, but also that she is best off trusting Marivel on that particular point. "...There are many things in this world I don't understand. I think your plan is one of those, too. I hope it works, and that you find this foolproof method. ...If I'm still alive when the time comes, maybe I'll help you." If, naturally.

Lulu continues not to know shit about Auron on that front. He's very good at hiding it from them.

But anticipation or no... Marivel says she's been through it, and she will...

"I'm certain that I will," Lulu agrees of regret. "And that the only thing I could regret more would be to walk away."

Marivel's request--Lulu turns again to watch her as she makes it. She watches, as she speaks of how it should hurt. She is also unaware of the little dragon's pain, but it is a pain familiar to her all the same. It is, as well, what she wants, or close to.

"It is her decision, of course... But I don't think she'll deny you at least some time. And you will see her again. You're helping us get her back, after all."

"...But I think that's the way of it. We can't change the past. For the most part, we can't bring back those we've lost, not even beings with power like yours. But we can remember. It's important not to live in the past, to face the next day..."

"But we carry it with us, all the same."

<Pose Tracker> Marivel Armitage has posed.

"Oh you'll be alive for it." Marivel assures Lulu. "I mean unless something kills you first. But it's actually all very soon." She sometimes has a hard time reminding herself that even a plan of five years is terribly long for humans. To Marivel it's like the equivalent of a month. And when a lot of bad happens in 'a month', it wears on her.

"But I give us maybe five years before we all die, or we change the funamental nature of our metaverse."

She looks to Lulu. "Anyway, there's no need to worry about it. It's already in motion. It was in motion before and after I got involved so it was always going to go this way. Until the Time of Promise, Fate in this is in stone, however else time may malleable be."

She nods once more. She finds herself sympathizing dangerously with these Guardians. She could still maybe put her in a box. It's terribly cruel, but the terribly cruel always seem so happy, so assured. Sure, some hero will probably cut her down with a powerful blade--one that could sunder her own soul--but she'd see her parents again.

Except she wouldn't, because it's oblivion and there is nothing to see, but she could pretend in her last moments. And that wouldn't be so bad. A good end for someone like her.

"Ohho... I didn't say I was going with you."

She pauses and then turns to Lulu. "...But I am going with you. I've yet to properly give that ghost a piece of my mind besides and as the self appointed queen of undead, tis time I do so."

<Pose Tracker> Lulu has posed.

"I have a dangerous line of work," Lulu answers in turn, remaining remarkably calm in the face of the world potentially ending or changing. Perhaps she trusts Marivel. Perhaps it's just that she only has one major goal in mind right now, and anything else is less pressing.

Maybe she's just chill like that.

"Hmm..." Lulu tilts her head. "I'll have to take your word for it for the moment." Lulu thinks she's heard Marivel mention the Time of Promise before--but she is no stranger to the idea of fate now and then, and perhaps some things really are inevitable. She will go on regardless.

Lulu meanwhile has allowed herself to grow close enough to Marivel that it will be painful if they /do/ have to come into conflict over Yuna. ...But right now, right here, it doesn't seem to her that that's what is in their future for now. No...

"I thought so," Lulu answers simply, slightly wry again. "I didn't think you'd pass up the chance."