2020-10-01: The Savior's Message
- Log: The Savior's Message
- Cast: Xantia, Lily Keil
- Where: The Fahrenheit
- Date: October 01, 2020
- Summary: After the harrowing events at the Main Gate and the Al Bhed's Home city, Xantia discusses her theories regarding her mysterious rescuer and their letter with Lily. Preparations for the next operation are discussed as well.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
It sure was quite the ride getting to the Al Bhed airship. Non-stop running following a massive battle... Anyone would be tired after all that. It wouldn't be so strange for someone to seclude themselves for a while in order to get some rest. That might be what Xantia's done after getting on board the Fahrenheit. But it's not, and if you know her, that's probably not a big surprise. Especially after how mentally preoccupied she appeared to be following the discovery of the letter that she unknowingly had on her.
Xantia has been restless ever since, in every sense of the word. She hasn't much stayed in one place. Mostly she's been moving between quiet spots from which one can look outside. Not much of a reason, it's not as if she was particularly interested in the view. Just... thinking.
And then there's The Corner. It's already the third time that she's returned to one particular corner near the entrance to the cargo bay. A single, forgotten wooden box sits there, and Xantia seats herself on top of it. Once again, she withdraws that piece of paper from her waistpouch, looking it over in silence.
'We can't meet yet. Don't look for me, I'll find you. And please, don't be so careless.'
It isn't signed. Yet it only called to mind one name. Xenia. A name first overheard spoken by a shady trader in Kattelox's Apple Market. A name that instantly triggered a reaction in Xantia, a name that she was certain belongs to her mother. There is evidence for this, if circumstantial. The woman going by that name was said to bear more than a passing resemblance to Xantia. The handwriting of this letter, similar yet slightly off from her own. And... the words themselves. She is absolutely certain.
And now... now she's back in Spira. Unable to do anything about this if she wanted to. And she very... very much wants to. She hasn't been able to think about anything else. And so here she is again, just... sitting there, staring at that letter.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily's been busy. She put herself in a position to help the Al Bhed when they made it to the Fahrenheit, and has been lending her healing services since, along with whtever else she can do. She's an outsider, but she has some relationships built up with a number of them... And of course once people were looked after, she's been busy preparing for the upcoming mission. A lot of sewing and repairing stolen uniforms. But she hasn't forgotten her plan to talk with Xantia. She's given the other woman some time to sort out her head, but now...
"Dryd cruimt dyga lyna uv ed. Zicd syga cina oui ku ayco uh dryd fnecd vun y vaf tyoc, yht oui'mm pa veha." Lily nods seriously to a man with a bandaged arm, and then walks along into this particular cargo bay, stepping towards Xantia. At her heels is a familiar individual, a black Dog who has been recently reunited with her person. Lily steps closer... and stops, a conversational distance away.
"Still thinking about it," Lily says, and does not need to ask if that's true. "Want to talk about it?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
With her angle of view, Xantia should have easily seen Lily coming. Well, her legs at least. Dog should have been very recognizable if nothing else. Yet, when Lily speaks--
"Wah!"
Xantia throws up her hands, and immediately swipes at the air several times before managing to grab hold of the letter again. That surprised her an awful lot. Bad conscience, some would say. Maybe a little bit. Mostly just seriously lost in thought.
She lets out a breath, placing the letter in her lap and both hands on top of it. "Lily... hi. Sorry, I'm... I'm a little distracted." At least she's still stating the obvious, that much is normal.
Does she want to talk about it, though? Xantia tends to talk about whatever is on her mind freely. This time, she has to think about it. The pause is mostly because, "I'm... not sure what to say. I'm just kind of..."
Another pause. She really doesn't know what to say. It's not often that words fail Xantia this severely. She needs to find something concrete, and, well, concrete information is what's severely lacking on this particular topic. She needs to move things back a little. Start from earlier than where her mind is right now.
"...Did you see? What happened in the battle? Back on Kattelox, I mean."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Wah! Apparently it did surprise her. Lily patiently waits through Xantia's startlement. The apology...
"It's fine," Lily says. "I could tell." Again that's fairly obvious, but it's fine. The woman still standing watches Xantia's expression as she actually has to think about it, as she's unsure what to say. Golden eyes take in Xantia's difficulty.
"It's fine if you aren't," Lily says. "It's definitely something that would unsettle you."
Lily steps to the side and pulls up another crate to take a seat for herself. So, find something concrete. "Not in any detail," Lily answers of that time. "I was farther into the forest focused on a few Odessa soldiers. But there was some kind of light and movement."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia sure doesn't seem to be very comfortable talking about it. But she's trying. Talking about it is all she can do right now, there's nowhere else to go for all that motivation to act on this. At least her thinking has shifted from things she can't do anything about to trying to figure out how to communicate this in a way that would make sense to anyone else.
When Lily makes it clear that it's not possible to have seen what she means, Xantia blurts out, "She saved me."
Whoops, moving too fast. Xantia awkwardly rubs the back of her head, lifting the piece of paper with the other hand. "This note... I said I didn't know how it got there, and that's true... but I have a pretty good idea." She takes one last quick look at it before putting the paper away, back where it originally fell out of.
Leaning forward a bit, Xantia becomes a little more animated as she relates what she does know, allowing her to speak with more confidence. "So, as you know, Elly and I went off to rush Solaris to keep them from doing... whatever they want to do. We fought off some Gebler troops. Then I saw that guy Loren, so I tried to punch him, but then he cheated with some kind of fancy shield. Still don't know what that was. Kind of reminded me of my bracer, in a way."
Xantia pauses, catches herself going off-topic, and shakes her head. "Anyway. I got distracted, and got caught in... I don't know, there was a lot of fire. And then I saw it. Someone was running towards me, through the fire. I couldn't make out much, I just saw someone in a cloak, surrounded by blue light. ...That's all I remember. Next thing I knew, there was a huge explosion, and I was sitting up almost right next to the ruins."
Xantia looks annoyed for a moment, not very pleased about there being yet another timeframe she can't remember, brief though it may be. "...I figure I was unconscious, and that must've been when it happened, that piece of paper getting put on me."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
If it were a comfortable topic, it might not be as pressing to discuss. As it stands, Lily keeps listening, to the blurted admission and then to the longer explanation. She nods along through it, noticing the change in Xantia as she speaks. She frowns, at the mention of that guy Loren, and his fancy shield. "Hm," she says. But she doesn't follow up on him because they're talking about Xantia herself at the moment. Instead...
"So, she saved you, and left this note. ...An admonishment, it seems like, and a cue to wait..." She remembers what was in it, of course; she did read it. Actually, "Sorry about that--I did read it. That's how I knew what it was, and that I should give it back to you."
"That sounds right. Of course, it's unlikely she went through the Main Gate with us... So you're stuck doing as she asks and waiting. Right?"
She considers. "A blue light... Hm."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
"Yes!" Xantia is quick to happily confirm when Lily summarizes her theory succinctly. Only for the enthusiasm to be immediately dampened upon the realization that it is, in the end, still a theory. "...Well, that's what I think."
She looks confused at the apology, and shakes her head. "Well, of course you read it, that's fine. That makes it easier." Xantia is not so hypocritical that she'd get mad for doing the first thing she'd do when seeing an unknown piece of paper. "It makes sense, since..."
This is where she starts to look a little uncomfortable again, before admitting, "...I didn't really stay in Kattelox that long just because the doctors told me to. It was just an excuse. I wanted to try looking for more information on Xenia again. I didn't find much the first time, so I knew there wasn't much chance... but I had to try. And then this one Digger with the Guild told me about this unknown person he saw on a dig, taking down a big Reaverbot with strange blue light, and I was just, that's it, that has to be her, she's still there on Kattelox! So... that's why I was really helping them out. Just... for the chance of meeting her, or finding out more about where she went, anything."
She lets out a deep breath. "Sorry for not saying anything. Because of that, I wasn't there when... all that other stuff happened." She means the whole mess in Claiborne, and what happened with Josie. "I don't know why I didn't tell you, I guess... I guess I just felt like it was stupid, what I was doing. But I had to do it anyway. No reason to waste anyone else's time chasing someone I didn't even know was actually there... and didn't even want to be found, it turns out."
She shakes her head. "Guess it would make sense that she stayed behind... not much chance of finding her now if I tried."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
It is at least a solid theory, as far as Lily can tell. The facts add up. While she's the first to caution not to make assumptions, in this case it's enough to go with anyway.
"All right," Lily answers, not planning to keep apologizing for something that isn't a problem. Instead she idly reaches out to scratch behind Dog's ear, as she sits down with them.
"I see." So, an excuse. And Xantia had some leads...
"It's all right," Lily says, "But you could tell us. I wouldn't think less of you for wanting to try even for a chance. And, well... What's done is done," she says, shaking her head. Xantia being absent for some things isn't something Lily is going to hold against her. "But it's fine."
"Unfortunately," Lily says, "That's probably true. If she can move as quickly as that, and doesn't want to be found... Well, I'm not concerned for her safety, but I doubt we'll track her down easily. We'll have to keep our eyes out, and wait for something to change."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia smiles faintly at Lily's response. 'It's fine', is it? "Not even a little mad, huh? Now I feel stupid about feeling stupid." She looks towards the nearest window, musing, "I guess I still can't help but keep looking for anything or anyone related to my past, it feels as important now as it ever has. It's like I haven't changed at all."
She lets out a deep sigh, only to immediately brighten. "Ah well! I guess that is fine. You'd probably be more worried if I stopped caring about my past, right?" With a chuckle, she adds, "I should've known better and just gone to talk to you myself. I never get anywhere just worrying about things."
Even so, it's clear that some worries remain. For one thing, she doesn't remain in such high spirits for long, and visibly starts thinking again. But Lily is here now. She can voice these thoughts, instead of bottling them up. Soon enough, she turns her head to do just that.
"...What do you suppose it means that 'we can't meet yet'?" Perhaps she's reading into things too much, but... the phrasing bothers her.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
"Not even a little." Lily actually smiles slightly. "Now, if you go get yourself hurt because you're too embarrassed to ask us for help, then I might get a little testy." She lets that hang a moment, and looks to the window for a moment, too, before back to Xantia.
"That's very true. There's no reason for that to have changed, after all. It's important to you. And I do understand the impulse." She's found more about her own, after all--but not everything, not yet. Not near everything.
"Maybe you should've, but I'm here now. Good enough for me."
The worries clearly remain--Lily can tell, can feel it for that matter. But she grows serious at this question, because as she thinks on what it means, she can only come to one conclusion.
"...It means that there's a time at which you will be able to meet. Or maybe a time she plans to meet with you, for that matter. 'Yet' means in the future, after all. ...So I think she has a plan of some kind, and if we can just keep moving through all of this, we'll see in time."
"...But be careful. She seems to want to help you, but you still don't know the full story. Just keep your eyes open."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia looks to Lily for answers in the same way she commonly does - with the expectation that Lily has better answers than she does, or at the very least insights that she never thought of. She is not disappointed in this, making a soft 'oh' sound when Lily reaches her conclusions. "A plan... I hadn't thought of it that way. If someone says 'can't', it feels like they're saying it's not possible. ...Which just makes me want to prove that it is. But, maybe I shouldn't, then, if it's going to ruin whatever plan this is."
As impatient as she is, she certainly wouldn't want to make things different for this person that she's never met and doesn't know much about for a fact. It's nothing new for Xantia to be a bit overly trusting, which is immediately obvious when she's told to be careful. She clearly didn't see why she needed to be wary until Lily said something about it. "...You think she might not want to help me? But, if this was a trap she could've pretty much ambushed me any time. ...Especially since she had to have been watching me pretty closely to save me like she did."
Xantia frowns. That sounds a little suspicious now that she says it out loud. All this time she thought she was chasing Xenia, but was Xenia watching her this whole time? What for?
Xantia rubs her temples. "I really don't like things that you have no way of figuring out. Just makes me want to go out and, I don't know, get something done, anything. I can't wait to get off this thing."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
"She may want to help you--but there might be some danger that she's dealing with that you don't know about yet, for instance. The point is you just don't know what's going on, and so you should be careful. I can't say whatever her plan is... But as you say, if she wanted to hurt you she could've by now, easily."
But that doesn't mean she doesn't have some use for Xantia; Lily can't help but be a little cynical of parents, for reasons she recognizes are a bias of her own. She's more cautious than Xantia, certainly, but that doesn't mean her suspicions are always right... and there's no sense in worrying Xantia too hard.
Maybe there's a reason Xantia gets along well with Citan.
It is pretty suspicious though. Nevertheless, Lily... agrees? "I feel the same way," Lily admits. "About doing something, anyway. I admit I'm fascinated by this aircraft. ...but to be honest I bet most of the people on it feel the same way. This is no pleasure cruise. Which reminds me..."
"You should either come with me or drop by later; I've got a uniform to fit for you."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Danger... Xenia could be in danger?? It's easy to tell that Xantia's initial reaction to anything Lily suggests might be true is to immediately assume that it is. She starts to worry right away, wondering if there's somebody threatening Xenia. Which causes her mind to go straight to Solaris, and things threaten to snowball from there. But then Lily clarifies that in the end, what's really going on is still unknown, which calms her down a bit. How odd, to suddenly find comfort in not knowing a thing you really want to know. Xantia is full of contradictions.
"...Right, okay. I guess all I really know is that she thinks it's going to take some time, whatever 'it' is. Not going to say it's good that we're probably stuck here for a while, but..." But not being able to act on it makes it easier to set aside, if not necessarily be any more patient about it.
Either way, Xantia has no solid evidence that Xenia wants to do her harm, so she defaults to being her usual trusting self towards any stranger who isn't actively trying to cause harm. She only wishes that she could feel anything more, but this particular stranger possibly being her mother adds very little weight to the equation. She can't feel anything about someone she can only remember the name of.
Xantia knew Lily would understand the need for actively doing something rather than just sitting around, smiling brightly at the agreement. "Yeah! I mean, sure, this is a fancy thing we're flying in, but it's so small!" ...Well, it is when comparing it to the large open space that is 'outside, in general'. Even in a ship of this size, Xantia's still going to feel cooped up after a while.
And then Lily mentions uniforms. That one needs a doubletake. "...Uniform? Fit? For me? Why? What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"
Other than 'basically always wearing this same thing, everywhere'.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily tries to use this power for Good. At least, for Xantia's good, anyway; she considers it a responsibility to be someone rusted that much. But... These contradictions at last are fairly natural.
"Yes," Lily answers. "So it's moot in terms of what to do about it for a while, anyway." Lily thinks it's fine to assume Xenia probably means well--despite her own feelings on certain parental issues, this isn't her situation, and it's not the same. Buuut...
"So it is," Lily answers, surprised at it being called that but able to see it now that she mentions it. There's only so much space, and, "Or at least, it's crowded."
Doubletake! Lily laughs faintly. "The plan is to slip close to the Guard pretending to be among them; we have some spare uniforms to help disguise ourselves."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Speaking of contradictions... at times, it can somehow be both easy and difficult to understand Xantia at the same time. As evidenced by how she questions, "Crowded?" when Lily speaks that word. "You think so?" Evidently, she thinks the ship is small, yet not crowded??
With the Xenia matter put aside for the moment, she is otherwise mostly concerned about this uniform business now. That's not something that she was prepared for, and she quickly starts fretting about it. "You want me to be in a disguise? It'll never work! I don't know how to not be suspicious!" ...Well, she doesn't. Looking for further excuses, she uses one hand to lift up some of her free-flowing waist-length hair. "Look at this, people are gonna know it's me right away!"
Of course none of that is the biggest concern. That one, the one she mentions last, after a short pause, might be the most surprising. "...Besides, it's embarrassing."
No qualms about her preferred mode of dress showing an egregious amount of leg, but a uniform - which she hasn't even seen yet - that's apparently embarrassing somehow.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Curious, that. "I think so," Lily says, though it's interesting to her that Xantia doesn't. On the other hand, Lily is somewhat sensitive to crowds with her abilities. It might be that. Or it might just be that Xantia's weird!!
A mystery.
"You wouldn't have to do much other than stand in the group and walk along," Lily says. "But if you're really not up for it, there's alternate approaches. I think we could diguise you fine, but..."
It's true about Xantia's acting abilities. Funny, though. "Hmmm, is it?" A laugh. "You might not mind it once you see it. But we can find another way to get you into place if we need to."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia makes a non-committal 'mmm' noise. Lily is understanding as usual, and Xantia really doesn't want to mess things up for others, but even so... she feels kind of bad about flat out refusing. Lily thinks this is a good idea... then it's probably a good idea. But it doesn't feel good at all!
She finally manages to pinpoint where these feelings come from. "...I disguised myself for a fancy party once. Then I bumped into Fei. I'll never forget the face he made." She folds her hands in front of her in a pleading manner. "If I do this - and I'm not saying I am, I'll take a look but I can't promise anything... If I do this, pleeeeease make sure Fei doesn't see me like that."
This may not be something many might guess Xantia would care about, but there it is.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily takes Xantia's word for it how bad she is at disguise. It might in fact be easier to just have her sneak in and join them that way. Hard to say yet. "...Hmmm," Lily answers. "Must've been some expression. Are you sure it wasn't the formalwear rather than the disguise?" A shake of her head. "Regardless. I can try, at least, but I can't entirely guarantee it. We can go over the plan either way, and find a good way for you to fit in."
Dog barks helpfully. "And you too," she agrees, looking back to Xantia after a moment. "So one way or another we'll make it work. I think Fei may be going on this mission too."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
It totally was the notion of 'Xantia in formalwear' not computing. But Xantia doesn't know that. She didn't fully understand any of that. She can only shrug helplessly at what for her was a very painful moment. Because...
"...He looked at me as if he didn't know who I was anymore."
One can imagine how strongly that may have affected her, obviously without Fei meaning to. So she cringes a bit at hearing that Fei may be there. "...Well, maybe he'll understand if he knows this is happening... I guess it's just, I'm afraid of feeling the way I felt back then again."
Dog's bark actually startles her a bit, then she chuckles nervously. "Sorry... I hope I'm not, you know... making a big deal about nothing."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
"I see..."
Well, that must've been stressful, and Lily doesn't know enough to do much about it. "That's all right." Didn't know who she was... She can imagine Fei looking that surprised, sure. She thinks she knows, but she doesn't know how to...
Well. "I think he'll understand--especially when we tell him."
Dog scoots closer to Xantia and looks up at her with big eyes. Lily, meanwhile, says, "It's not a problem, really. We can talk to Fei, or find another approach for you. The disguises won't matter that long, anyway."
"...Maybe you should get some air. It might do you good, not being cooped up in this cargo bay."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia nods slowly. It's the strangest thing, knowing that Fei couldn't possibly have meant anything bad by it, and yet feeling so... devastated, to the point of never wanting to feel that way again. One's sense of self can be a fragile thing, especially when you doubt yourself on a regular basis.
Xantia stares at Dog, without understanding, while responding to Lily. "...Okay. Well. If it's not that long, maybe we can give it a try. As long as it helps people. And I can do a lot of punching to make up for it."
She looks up at the suggestion of air, letting out a short laugh. "Sorry, that always sounds silly to me. Air is everywhere. But I know what you mean. I think I will." As she gets up from her makeshift chair, she tilts her head slightly. "You sure you want me to go alone? Not afraid I'll jump off?" She smiles. That was an attempt at lightening the mood, and an invitation besides. Even when it's Xantia, that's probably not a legitimate concern.
Probably.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
It really can.
Dog moves to lick Xantia's hand. Lily focuses on talking. "You'll definitely get to do a lot of punching--we're counting on that much."
"Come on, Dog," Lily says, and Dog wags her tail but returns to Lily. She laughs then. "It is, isn't it?" Lily answers. "Even so." She seems to be good about it. And... Well, that is an offer.
Frankly Lily suspects Xantia could survive dropping off the edge... But that's neither here nor there.
"When you put it that way, I could use some too. Sure." She moves to stand up.