2021-01-17: Inescapable Moment

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<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    They can't stay in one place for long.

    This, Lan had likely concluded the very moment he'd woken up at the campsite in the woods: it was clear that his absence would soon be missed, and that he would be sought. If they caught up to him, they would catch up to her. And was abandoning him really an option, when he's like this?

    The only real option is to try to disappear. Fortunately, Aquvy is rich in islands: perhaps in time they'll give up if the trail runs cold.

    That was the reason why they'd settled on a place like the Lunatic Garden. The ruins themselves are out of the question, but the woods outside are old and overgrown. Fearful of the ruins, few ever come here. With enough supplies, along with some scavenging skills, they might be able to buy some time for the next steps.

    Whatever they are.

    "So... like this?"

    He's trying to help out with the cooking, something the Loren they'd known had never showed any interest in.

    ...He's still just about as good at it as he was before, though. The fish risks getting burnt.

    This far inland from the shore, no one should be able to see the fire from the sea, if there is in fact anyone about close enough to this island in the first place. Not many people sail by here. Getting here in the first place had taken some doing. But if this can be a safe place for the time being, then it's worth it.

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

    There's also the fact that one member of Loren's new 'family' has a Gear. Not a fancy one, but one that has enough room for two passengers, as long as Gwen doesn't pick up any packages along the way. It does give the plush toy placed neatly on a compartment of its very own its own bittersweet little meaning, however, as it makes Gwen think of that time all three of them went to that festival.

    But she's never unhappy for very long. Having Lan and Loren along has become its own sort of fond series of memories, even if she's certain they can't last for very long. But that's why you enjoy them while they last, right?

    "Whoahwhoahwhoah. 'Preciate your enthusiam." Gwen rediects Loren's attention. "Here, I'll show you. I just had to learn this a year ago myself, so you're learning Gwen's super special secret technique! For fish."

    It is not secret, and it isn't particularly unique. But, it will get the job done, as long as the fish they catch aren't particularly abnormal in makeup. "This took a *lot* of tries, so if you still don't get it right the first time, don't feel bad! ... You just have to eat what you cook, and that's what spices are for!" She clears her throat. "But not everyone 'preciates my idea of what spicy is, for better or worse."

<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.

    Like most Drifters, Lan is good at breaking down camp and moving whenever she needs to. This may not be the most hospitable place, but that makes it better for them. The less chance Solaris has of finding them, the better.

    She's finished setting up the tent, and gone for more water, and constantly fretted about whether or not Loren's read the notebooks in his possession like she (finally) advised him to.

    If he reads them, and learns that he was so miserable in his old life, will he lose this new chance at being happy? If she hadn't told him, would she be any better than the people who let her stay ignorant? Because... Even now, Lan isn't sure how she would have taken just being told that she'd had her 'self' overwritten. She'd simply woken up, and then had to live with it.

    It's just too much to worry about all the time!! Aren't matters of the heart supposed to work themselves out in time? So won't matters of the brain do so as well?!

    "Hey, that smells pretty good," she notes, vowing to put such thoughts off for a little longer - until dinner's been eaten, at least. She's tearing up a few bowls full of leafy greens to go with the fish, and has a bottle of secret sauce to add.

    (It's just oil and vinegar.) "Mmmmmaybe if you like it spicy we can... kind of put the spice on the side, okay? And everyone can help themselves."

<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.

"Do you think there's room on the fire for a pot?" calls the fisherwoman from just on the other side of a tent. "I've gotten most of these shucked open, but if we leave them in the shell and we just boil them it tastes really good without much garnish!"

That fisherwoman is

            ELLY VAN HOUTEN

and her prey of the night are

            RED LIPPED MUSSELS, the curiously sensual shellfish that appear in a lot of places and are really good... in season. Fortunately, it is not a month ending in 'Elly,' and so they are safe to eat.

<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.

Is it inevitable, that they'll be caught? Is it actually possible for them to get away indefinitely? Maybe, maybe not. But today, one possibility closes if it existed at all. It closes with a couple of uneven steps.

Step-step. Step-step. On the soft ground. A woman in an eyepatch approaches. She is dressed in ordinary Drifters' clothes, indigo and leather and metal. The mechanical nature of her limbs is not obvious, encased in tall boots and gloves as they are. But her gait remains notable, familiar to the right person.

Like Lan.

"It does smell lovely," Leah Sadalbari says, pleasant. "And here I am, without anything to add to dinner. Do forgive my rudeness."

Her eye settles on Lan, and then meaningfully shifts to Loren. She is definitely not alone, however.

"But I'll try to be a better guest if you can accomodate us." '

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

WOOPS LEAH SALADBARI ISN'T ALONE EITHER.

Lydia Seren is walking slightly behind her and to the left like people are known to do in cutscenes. She seems to be... in a mopey sort of mood, looking off to one side rather than allowing her gaze to dwell on much of anyone. At irst.

Then she blinks once and sees ELLY but it seems that she is not the person Leah is focused on right now. Which makes sense.

"Wait..." Lydia quirks her head. "...Why's Lan here? And Gwen..?"

Her eyes settle on Loren. "......"

"...Lan...?" She looks back to her. "What's going on here? 'Cause I'm making my own conclusion quicklike."

She doesn't seem hostile just yet, so much as kind of--coming to an understanding and trying to figure out what to do with it.

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    "I think we could make room," he says, to the person on the other side of the tent. "Once the fish are done, maybe?"

    He understands he'd known Elly, once. That they come from the same place, that they had even studied at the same school.

    "Do you need help with that, Elly?" He's been like that towards her -- friendly, helpful. Inquisitive, even. A sea change from the Loren she'd known.

    But after all, he's apparently forgotten everything. All that he knows is from what others have told him... and eventually, what he had been able to read.

    He hadn't looked at the notebooks right away. In fact, he had initially seemed largely apathetic towards them, once Lan had mentioned they existed. Perhaps he'd seemed far more interested in living as he had been, without those ties to his past.

    But...

    "--Oh! Okay. Then I'll watch you," he says, inching back from the flames to permit Gwen to take over the cooking business. "So it's like that, huh... keeping the flat sides," that's not what that part of the fish is called "near the fire. But not too close. Like... here? And then you turn it sometimes? ...What's 'spicy' like?"

    Lan suggests they leave it on the side and then try it that way. "Okay. I'll try it like that." The previous Loren had been a somewhat more... haphazard eater, and okay with some level of spiciness in what he ate. Could he have tolerated a Gwen-level spicy dish? ...Probably not.

    He reaches out to move one of the fish when someone -- someones -- approach. Loren lifts his head, gazing up at the one-eyed woman.

    "...Are you traveling, too?" he asks innocently.

    It isn't as if his notebooks included physical descriptions. Instead, he shifts to one side, making room. "I think there should be enough." Even in spite of Lan's warnings-- in spite of her insistence that they should take care to not be followed--

    He invites her (and her companion) in.
    He doesn't recognize either of them.

<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.

    "If we have leaves to wrap the fish up in, you can sort of put them on top of the pot and they'll cook inside of the leaves without burning. I saw people doing it back in Spira, but I never got very good at it myself," Lan laments. "But the idea... is..."

    Step-step. Step-step. It's not the clack of bootheels on the polished floor of Damzena Base, but Lan was a 'guest' of Solaris long enough to recognize those footsteps just about anywhere. She goes silent mid-sentence and stands, holding the bowl of greens like some ill-advised weapon. What's she going to do, vitamin someone to death??

    It is Leah, as she'd known it would be. Eventually, the Watcher's eye would land on them, no matter where they ran. But it had been worth trying, she continues to stubbornly believe. "...Leah," she greets the other woman, with the strange, almost hesitant sort of expression worn by someone who's suddenly feeling a particular mixture of surprise, defiance, and... guilt.

    "--Lydia too?" ...With this many people, they'd have a chance. Leah isn't unstoppable. There might be Solaris forces beyond the trees but they can be dealt with--

    Lan realizes her fingers hurt from the strength she's using to grip the salad bowl, and takes a deep breath. At the same time, Loren invites them to sit down and eat with them.

    She meets the Watcher's eye again, this time with a lifted chin and a straight back.

    And then Lydia again. "Wait, what? --No no, listen, I don't think what you're thinking is what's really going on--"

    ELLY, GWEN, HELP

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

    "We'll fit it!" Gwen responds eagerly. "Y'got no idea how much I was cravin' thesseee. Elly, you are the _best_. Oh, and you managed to find some greens too, Lan? Usually I gotta pay the big bucks for a meal this fine." She rubs her hands in heady anticipation. "Oh, right, I was meanin' to ask someone for advice, right--"

    Setanta, she means, though Gwen has never clarified exactly who to Elly, at the very least. "Oh, good idea, Lan. I ain't sure you guys like my kinda spicey. I mean, it's got some Badlands Baskar notes to it, but Auntie Frea likes to crank it up to eleven. Used t'think everyone liked to eat like that--"

    New faces enter- well, one new face, and one face Gwen was not expecting.

    "Lydia?" Gwen's cheery mood sobers quickly. She can't say she's not glad to see Lydia there, now as Lydia instead of OS, but at the same time... who is the other? No one would be traveling by here without a real reason, and judging by Lan's expression, Gwen will have to see if she can save the day.

    "Lydia, gonna have t'ask you to trust us on this. I'd fill you in, but I ain't sure if it'd be right for me t'gab about another person in front of a guest." She nods towards Leah. "I take it you've had to punch Loren in the past a few times too?" She gives Loren a grin, continuing on, "Like I said, you took your duties seriously, so we've come t'blows a few times."

    She reminds him this. "But this tenseness ain't great for eatin', so, how's our guest tell us a bit 'bout herself?"

     is this helping, Gwen thinks it might

<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.

Elly is, in the end, not sure what to make of what is going on with Loren, but it is not as if she is the first woman in history to have an anxious heart over someone else's fate.

Amnesia... she had heard it was rare, but perhaps in the final analysis it is not. Fei remembers barely anything, beyond the obvious facts such as how to speak and do backflips and carry her over gaps in the floor, before about five years ago now. (Three years, she recalls, in Lahan village.) Now Loren has the same situation.

She wonders. It is a mystery. Did whatever caused this to Loren do the same to Fei?

If they find a way to help Loren...

... and isn't it selfish of her to think of these things in these terms? Even if Loren was driven to fury and ardor to try and murder her, does he not deserve his own life, his own memories, his full measure of --

Elly's woolgathering stops as she comes out from behind the tent and she freezes in place, as if this will make her disappear from sight. Her bucket goes slosh and also toomp-thump as the mussels within shift, much as the muscles within Elly tighten with imminent peril!

<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.

There is nothing of menace directly in Leah's expression; she is pleasant, mild, comfortable. But there is a certain menace in her mere presence. ...What would it take to 'stop' Leah here? Would Lan be willing to try to kill her, to escape with Loren?

But there is something she's looking for in Lan, and Lan may see a note of approval of all things when she looks at her with her chin up. It's subtle, but it's there.

"Of course Lydia," Leah answers pleasantly. "It would've been a much less pleasant journey without her company."

She looks to Loren, and inclines her head. "I am."

She looks at Elly. But she doesn't draw the pistol at her side, or start channeling Ether, or do anything like that. She just smiles at her, too.

But her attention settles on Loren. She does hear Gwen, of course. "I'd be happy to introduce myself," she says.

"Hello, Loren. I'm your brother's wife. I came here to find you."

She does not go for her pistol, or channel Ether. But there is an absolute stillness in her demeanor, in her motions, and one might notice... her fingers never so much as twitch at her sides.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"Aw geeze, Gwen." Lydia says. "You know I love ya and Lan? She's Baskar like me, carries Rigdobrite with her like me..." she exhales out a sigh. "But I'm knowing you well enough at this point that I can tell yer stallin'."

Her gaze slants towards Elly. She doesn't leap to kidnap her so Krelian can ogle her, at least not immediately, but Elly can see a small twinge off hesitation when Lydia looks at her.

But...

Maybe Gwen is going to wish it was OS at the end of the day.

"Gonna guess that Loren's finally lost all his memory." Lydia says. "Gonna guess that you're looking after him even though you ran away." Her eyes settle on Lan. "Maybe you think he deserves a second chance cause he's such a nice guy right now. Maybe this time, he doesn't have to be such a douche. He'd be happier. You'd be happier. Maybe we can learn some good habits so he can stop shitting the bed."

She taps at her cheek with an index finger. "But you know, Lan, putting it like that..."

Lydia's eyes slant towards Loren. "It kind of makes him sound like lost little lamb. One you've taken upon yourself to shepherd."

She exhales out slowly as Leah reveals her own connection to Loren and she steps forward.

"People like him ruined my life three times over." Lydia says. "He doesn't get to run. He doesn't GET to be better like this. I don't get to run. Nobody tried to save me...! I don't get to have a choice!"

She shakes her head. "At least, that's what I'd like to say, but I'd really feel like a big heel if I said that." She places a hand to her face. "To be honest, this makes more sense to me. I didn't lose my mind. I didn't lose my hope. I didn't give up on my dreams. More like my dreams gave up on me. But it's fine. It's fine!"

She lets her hand drop. "Because I learned something from Seraphita. I've been treated like a slave there because I was acting like I was a slave. Never saw her frown once. And she told me her secret too."

She gestures forward. "All I gotta do is be better than everyone else. And I know I'm better than everyone else up there."

She smiles brightly. "So it may be hell, but that's fine with me. I just have to be the biggest devil there. But Loren? He's a sweetiepie, right? He just keeps acting like the big dick he wishes he was."

"So." Lydia says. "It makes more sense... for him to live down here on the surface. That's what I think. He should stay down here where he's suited. You think the same too,"

Lydia beams evenn brighter. "Isn't that right Lan?"

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    "Really? I think I might like to try it anyway. Even if it's too hot. It might be interesting!" He seems genuinely into getting a chance to try some of it, even if it's likely to make him regret it. But everything is new to him right now, and...

    And then, two figures approach the fire and the night's entire tone takes a shift. Gwen tries to speak up, to ease out the matter before tempers can flare. Elly and Lan freeze; he doesn't notice.

    His attention is on Leah. Especially when she introduces herself.

    "My brother's..."

    Slowly, he stands up, facing her. "...Lan told me about you," he says, gazing at Leah as if seeing her properly for the first time (and in a way, he is). "So you're... family. Kind of." He pauses, as if he were thinking things over. "...Are you going to take me home?"

    He knows by now what sort of person he was before -- or at least, he has gotten a good sense of it from what he had written. The other Loren had been...

    Is it a betrayal of yourself to agree to do something that your former self hadn't wanted?

    Lydia speaks, then. His attention shifts over towards her.

    "I wasn't very nice to you, was I?" he asks of her, when she finishes. "The old me... didn't even write more than a sentence about you in his notebooks," he continues. "So that makes sense." He reaches up, rubbing at the side of his neck. "You're mad, right? ...Because I ran away, sort of." It hadn't been intentional. Probably. But it's come to the same thing in the end. "And now you're here to take me back. So, it'll be all right. I'm not going anywhere." He talks about it as if it weren't a major decision to be making -- as if it were a decision about what to eat for dinner instead. As it it barely weights on the scales.

    His attention returns to Leah.

    "...That's why you're here, right? I'm going home." But he still frowns. "He was... afraid to go back. But he never wrote why, so I don't know."

    Slowly, he sits back down. "But we should eat first. Everyone worked hard to cook this. I think I helped a little bit, too."

<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.

    It would be nice, in a way. If Leah and Lydia could sit down with them, and they could all have dinner together. Even if it has to end with Loren being taken back to Gebler, maybe that would still be okay. They can't make him fight, not like this. And he doesn't remember his brother, to be haunted by Engil's death or his tragedy. He could go home to his mother and father and Mirza.

    She'd never see him again, but Lan could find some kind of comfort in knowing that he was okay.

    She'd have another reason not to tear Etrenank out of the sky, when the Stranger inevitably asks her to.

    Lydia, however, isn't nearly as genteel. And while Lan knew that the other shaman must carry an even greater burden - because Lydia was there first, Lydia was there so much longer than Lan was, and nobody ever bothered to do Lydia the cruel favor of making her happy to be a tool. So when that poison spills forth, calls Lan out for everything she never did to try to save her, of course she flinches back a bit. Of course tears well up in her eyes. Because Lan is lonely, and she wants to save everybody. And because Lydia is probably right.

    "...I wondered that myself," she manages, after choking down the lump in her throat. "So I told him to read his old journals. I told him if he wanted his memories back, I'd do my best to help him get them. And if he wanted to stay like this, I wouldn't abandon him." She puts the bowl down before she can drop it and waste food. "And if you'd come to me, I would've tried to save you too. Even if... even if I'm scared of what I heard about 'OS'. Because I want to save everybody that asks for it! I want to stop being afraid! I want to become strong enough to help save this planet and everybody on it!" She throws her arms out, as if she could gather the entire forest in her arms. "Loren, and you, and Leah, and every single Worker Bee in Etrenank!" Tears roll hot down her face as she finally finds a voice for her wish. "Me and Gwen and Elly! Everybody! So if you want to be rescued, come with us and we'll figure something out!"

    Come with me, she'd told Loren. Come with me.

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

    "Sure! Just try it on the side. This is more a dry spicy than a sweet spicy. Who knows? Y'might like it, but I ain't gonna be sad if y'don't." Gwen laughs, free from any sign of anxiety.

    Maybe, if she knew what Lan and Elly did about Leah, or Lydia's new life, for that matter, she might not be.
    
    "Well, y'got me there!" Gwen laughs. Who is this person, and why does she have Lydia's face? Where is Lydia? How does this person know Gwen well enough, just like Lydia would, to call Gwen on her BS? "Could y'blame me, though? I ain't got an inkling about your friend, and I was really surprised t'see you, even. I'd hoped you were still alive and well, but then, t'see you with someone that Lan n' Elly seem t'know? I figured, bein' a third party-- ah, but I'm stallin' again."

    And she immediately quiets, as Loren faces Leah, far braver than she was expecting.

    This... is the way Loren's always been, under the layers of his memories, his anxieties, his hang-ups, maybe? Just as she was able to look Leah in the face with the nonchalance Lan and even Elly didn't have. But what's more...

    He's facing the 'sins' of his own past, in a way.

    She relaxes, and nods slowly as Loren finishes. "As long as it's your decision, Loren. That's what I think was the important part. But sure, we could eat."

    And she quiets, as Lan speaks next, so much truer to herself than Gwen was.

    "I wouldn't say Lan ran away. More like I found her n' hauled her away after we tried to clock each other out," Gwen softly interjects, as she gazes at the fire. It's close enough to the truth. They fought, for one. And Gwen did 'kidnap' her, in the sense that Lan used to be one of Solaris's wards.

    "I'd be angry if I was in your position too, Lydia. Heck, I'd still be angry. But that don't mean you should throw it on Lan. Or Loren. As for Seraphita," Gwen pauses, remembering the Element, "she's likely thinking what she has to, to keep movin'. I don't remember her ever actin' like how you are, right now. And I *know* she could kick my ass. Still could." She keeps the anger in her voice down.

    It's not Lydia's fault, either. She was left alone, by herself.

    "Come with us, Lydia. But if you think you need more time, that's up to you. Just remember. It's real easy to think you're the biggest fish in the ocean if they place you in tiny fishbowl." When she looks down, Gwen frowns, realizing the meal they're having.

     She could've found a better analogy.

<Pose Tracker> Elhaym van Houten has posed.

That woman.

She's Loren's brother's wife.

Elly doesn't breathe. She doesn't strike. She watches and she listens and for a fleeting moment she thinks that *maybe she isn't going to be recognized*. Maybe she now looks different enough from her old self to not twig such attention from someone. It's not impossible: she's been in a thousand battles, it's felt like, and she's gotten sunburns and she's trimmed her hair and she's wearing different clothing and -

- Lydia.

Lydia is speaking.

Elly feels like the world is enclosing and Lydia is getting closer. Elly remembers the terrifying intensity that Lydia brought to bear against her, and she wonders just how close to dying she truly became. She begins to sweat, cold and terrified, down the small of her back, especially when Lydia speaks of Seraphita, of the ELEMENTS indirectly.

All she has to do is be better than everyone else.

Lan speaks for freedom. Elly's heart pounds. In this moment she applauds Lan's courage, or would, if she had hands free to clap. And yet, Elly thinks. And yet. And yet - why am I feeling this terror??

"yes, please," Elly says, as she makes herself breathe in and breathe out. "Um. It. Won't take long for these to cook!" She hoists up the bucket hard enough to make the two gallons of water inside of it slosh out and pour partially down her front, which she doesn't seem to immediately notice. "We should boil these," Elly continues, moving to plop the bucket down some space to the side of Lan.

<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.

Leah does not immediately answer what Lydia has to say; her talk of slavery, her talk of a ruined life. But neither does she interrupt her. She doesn't interrupt Lan, either. Patient, the older woman continues to listen to the conversation as a whole between all of them, having said the first thing she came to say. She doesn't in fact speak up until Loren addresses her, at which point she turns to entirely face him again.

"Not immediately," she answers. "Indeed, waiting for a meal is entirely agreeable to me. I think we'll all need the strength of something good for what needs to happen soon."

Aware that she's being cryptic, Leah holds up a hand to forestall being told as much. "I will explain in a moment." First, she turns to look at Lan, and inclines her head at her. "You're a kind girl, Lan. Some of what you wish you may yet achieve--but one thing you will not. Neither myself nor Loren will be abandoning our duties today..." She begins, and then looks to Lydia. "You may be right, that it makes more sense for him to live on the surface, considering all that's happened. however..."

She looks to Lydia again. There is something--understanding, but not quite, not approval but acknowledgement. There is something Lydia's said or done that's important. But then Leah focuses on the others again.

To Gwen, "You speak well for your friends. I respect your intent."

Then:

"Lan," she focuses on. "I am not here to bring you back. Neither am I here for Elhaym. I am here because I require your help. I intend to see Loren restored, and you are one of the few who have the power that might make that happen."

"We discussed a ceremony. I would see it done."

"If when he is restored he wishes to go with you, then that may yet be his destiny. We will see."

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"I'm mad," Lydia says. "Cause y'all took my life away from me. You all made it clear I can't leave and even if I did--" She looks to Lan. "...It's too late, Lan." She shakes her head. "...Ivan left me, you know? I'll never know if I could've made it work. I'll never know."

GWEN TRIES PERSUASION! "So," Lydia says. "How 'bout you take your holier than thou attitude and bury it next to Janus once his body remembers you killed it." It probably isn't much of a surprise that that approach didn't work. Turns out telling Lydia that she's not being fair is a good way to get her to bristle the hell up.

She looks to Loren. "I made it to one whole line huh?" For some reason, that actually does surprise Lydia. Both that she made it to one line and that it only was one line. "How about Rachiel? How many lines did she get?"

It's real easy to think you're the biggest fish in the ocean if they place you in a tiny fishbowl.

"Girl, I've been in a tiny fishbowl my whole life. Only way to leave the fishbowl is to become the 'Champ'." She's seeing it through the Kislev lens it seems. Because of course she would. She's a beastwoman well informed of how her people have been treated.

She doesn't lunge for Elly or anything, but she sees it. She can feel it. Elly was sweating. A few things stopped Lydia from trying to strike down Elly that day. Her compassion, certainly, her willingness to listen. Her genuine apologies.

But before Elly could show Lydia the kind of person she really was? The only thing that stopped Lydia from cutting Elly down was a small voice.

A small voice that she didn't know belonged to OS at the time. One month earlier and OS wouldn't have been able to keep her from her initial impulse.

And where IS OS now? For the matter, what is Rachiel up to? Neither have commented as of yet. Rachiel is definitely watching. This is an official op. Rachiel only takes her naps when Lydia is doing her own thing.

And indeed, Leah speaks. Once again, Lydia is surprised by how reasonable she's being. LEAH might damn well be more reasonable than Lydia is right now. OS might've been the better option here.

But Lydia does listen to Leah. Leah, out of anyone in Solaris, h as probably treated her with the MOST respect. Despite her anger, Lydia isn't keen on throwing that away either.

"...Well there you go." Lydia says. "Turns out you didn't need to worry so much. Toldja we weren't gonna drag him back."

She shrugs. "So sure, let's eat. I could devour a nice knife."

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    His lips move when Lydia asks how many lines Rachiel got in his notebook. His brow crinkles. "Two?" he hazards, guileless. "Something like that. The old me was... he was starting to forget a lot. Maybe there would have been more if he'd started earlier." It's matter-of-fact, almost -- a simple statement, as if there was nothing to be concerned about at all.

    "Yes," he says, at Gwen's remark. "This is my decision."

    He actually smiles when Leah says that 'waiting for a meal' is agreeable to her. When was the last time Loren had smiled at her? "That's good. It would be sad if we had to leave this all behind."

    He glances over the once at Elly, pulling up beside the fire with the pot and the shellfish. She's scared, he realizes. They're all... scared. And he's not.

    "It'll be all right," he tells Elly. "We'll sort this out and then..."

    And then, he'll go away.

    Come with us, Lan exhorts Lydia. She had said the same to Loren once, months ago, when he was a different person.

    And Leah says why she came here.

    "A ceremony... I know what you're talking about," he says, turning at last to look at Lan. "He was afraid of it," he continues. "I think... he was hoping to find something else that would fix it." He smiles, slightly. "But there isn't, is there? He wrote about the Primach 'Rahab'... about Ley exposure..." Slowly, he inclines his head in a nod. "...And that's why I'm like this now. He wouldn't want to do it." There's a pause. "But he's not here now. I am." He turns towards Lan and extends a hand. "...And I want to do it. I'm happy as things are, Lan. Maybe I could have lived like this. But... I want to get my memories back, too. And after that... I guess, the natural thing is to go home, right?"

    Even though Leah says the choice will again be his, in the end.

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

    Lydia just had to mention Janus's name. She was there. She saw it. Lydia knew how Gwen cried, even when she worried over Hiro's own words.

    "...."

    The infernal ember boils in her belly, stoked by Gwen's flush of anger. The fire almost seems to burn, just a little brighter--

    --but that's because Gwen is stoking the fire with a stick.

    "... What the hell did they take from you to turn you into this, Lydia? N' why the *hell* are you still working with them?! Why are you here with your friend to pick up Loren or whatever the hell you're plannin', if you hate him so much? If you wanna play their game, then *fine*. If that's the way you'll come to an understanding, then *great*."

    She stops, mid-jab, then closes her eyes. "...."

    People would likely ask the same of her, or Lan, depending on what paths the Stranger (which is a better nickname that Blue-Eyed Assassin, really) takes.

    She takes a breath. ".... I'm sorry, Lydia."

    They're not going to get anywhere, angry like this.

    ".... So." She looks towards Leah. "... You... want to *fix* him? Ain't sure this is the best way of convincing him--" She stops, closes her eyes. "... It's Loren's decision. If he wants it, that'll be his p--"

    It is Loren's decision. What's more, it's Rahab that may be the reason.

    Something like sorrow crosses Gwen's gaze, and she continues poking at the fire. "... Yeah. Didn't know how much you knew, Loren, but the thing that made you feel like I was familiar... It was that. But the memories you got since then... they'll still be there, right?"

    A purification ceremony. No wonder they need Lan. "... I'm... not sure I should be there. Might piss the Guardians off, and..."

    Maybe, she's in the same position Loren is, unwilling to let go of her connection. "But if you want me there, Loren, I'll come."

<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.

    She wasn't ever sure how this was going to go. Lan was fairly certain Leah wouldn't come in and scoop everybody up, throw her to Mayya Hawwa again, and plop her back into her quarters at Damzena. She wonders if her things are still there. She replaced them, of course, but--

    "Gwen, it's... it's okay. Don't worry about it. She's mad. She has the right to be mad at the world." Lan was angry too, but she isn't good at staying angry. She always ends up sad. "Let's just eat. Let's enjoy..." she trails off, grasping at straws. "Enjoy the meal everybody made." Tears keep streaming down her face, even as she reaches over to guide Elly and the bucket of mussels over to the fire. "We'll just... we'll have dinner and, and we'll..."

    Lan wipes at her eyes, listening with some resignation to as Loren just... accepts it. Is it really all right? Is it really going to end like this? But if this is what Loren wants--
    --what she'd really always, in the end, expected him to want--
        --isn't this better for him?

    She's a kind girl. And look what it's gotten her. A mind she can no longer truly trust, a power she's afraid of, a friend that tried to murder her, and a ghost sleeping in her memories. She wants to laugh, but it's not funny.

    The ceremony... the one he hadn't wanted to do. When he turns to look at her, still so weirdly calm, Lan bows her head a few degrees. She'd promised she would help him, no matter what he decided. Even if she'll be alone again afterwards. She takes his proffered hand almost gingerly... before stepping closer, into his personal space, reaching out to pull him into a hug. "I know. I'm proud of you, okay? Even if I'll miss this you, too. Even if I worry you'll be miserable again. Even if you hate me afterwards. It was nice to see you happy for a while," she admits quietly, face pressed briefly to his hair.

    "So if you want to do it... we will."

<Pose Tracker> Gwen Whitlock has posed.

    Lydia just had to mention Janus's name. She was there. She saw it. Lydia knew how Gwen cried, even when she worried over Hiro's own words.

    "...."

    The infernal ember boils in her belly, stoked by Gwen's flush of anger. The fire almost seems to burn, just a little brighter--

    --but that's because Gwen is stoking the fire with a stick.

    "... What the hell did they take from you to turn you into this, Lydia? N' why the *hell* are you still working with them?! Why are you here with your friend to pick up Loren or whatever the hell you're plannin', if you hate him so much? If you wanna play their game, then *fine*. If that's the way you'll come to an understanding, then *great*."

    She stops, mid-jab, then closes her eyes, as Lydia explains, just that. It still doesn't make sense to her, in the same way hearing Lydia use Janus's name against her made no sense. All that made sense, was the fire. "...."

    People would likely ask the same of her, or Lan, depending on what paths the Stranger (which is a better nickname that Blue-Eyed Assassin, really) takes.

    She takes a breath. ".... I'm sorry, Lydia."

    They're not going to get anywhere, angry like this.

    ".... So." She looks towards Leah. "... You... want to *fix* him? Ain't sure this is the best way of convincing him--" She stops, closes her eyes. "... It's Loren's decision. If he wants it, that'll be his p--"

    It is Loren's decision. What's more, it's Rahab that may be the reason.

    Something like sorrow crosses Gwen's gaze, and she continues poking at the fire. "... Yeah. Didn't know how much you knew, Loren, but the thing that made you feel like I was familiar... It was that. But the memories you got since then... they'll still be there, right?"

    A purification ceremony. No wonder they need Lan. "... I'm... not sure I should be there. Might piss the Guardians off, and..."

    Maybe, she's in the same position Loren is, unwilling to let go of her connection. "But if you want me there, Loren, I'll come."

<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.

Leah is entirely calm as the burns are passed out. Perhaps she has already had enough burns in her life that they don't register much to her. Her scars suggest that.

But Leah brought Lydia for a reason, even if OS might have been the cleaner, easier option. She knows Lydia is angry. She doesn't speak on that at the moment. Instead...

Loren makes the decision she has already made. He actually smiles at her. It's strange, and perhaps a part of her is tempted to let him stay here, in this happier, different state. Maybe. ...It would be nice to think that about Leah.

"I was willing to wait for something else," the woman in indigo answers. "For a while. But as you say... there is no more." 'he's not here now. I am.'

Whatever Leah thinks of that, she doesn't say. Leah simply watches Lan with Loren for another few moments.

To Gwen she says, "I think that, as a matter of fact, you should be there." Her eye focuses on Gwen. Did she see that flush of anger, the way Gwen changed there?

"Thank you, Lan."

What has being a kind girl gotten her? All those things. No, it's not funny. But Leah isn't laughing, either.

She could comment that it's a kind of last meal. She doesn't. Instead she simply steps further into the camp, and lays her spear against a tree, disarming partially. There is perhaps some trust in that.

But then, she still has her cold, metallic hands.

She nods to Lydia and moves to find a seat.