2021-02-27: Epeirogeny
- Cutscene: Epeirogeny
- Cast: Loren Voss
- Where: Elam Base
- Date: February 27th 2021
- Summary: Loren tries to summon fire.
BGM: (Soma Bringer ~ Yasunori Mitsuda - Seeking the Road that Sinks in Illusion) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJlhmEl-DzU
One of the perks of being a captain is having his own shower, he's come to realize.
He's appreciating it now as he sits on the tiling, back against the wall, and wills the fire to come. The last thing he wants is to actually set something on fire or draw more attention, just when things have settled back into a normal routine. He thinks it's normal, anyway -- he's slipped right back into what he was doing before, with the benefit of actually remembering things this time around. But to even saying 'things are back to the normal routine' isn't quite right. He hasn't been able to put his finger on it precisely.
Whatever 'it' is.
But maybe the problem is 'what he's supposed to be doing'.
Loren gazes at his hands. There is again no fire.
He remembers the basic theory for fire from his courses. It's all a matter of directing forces -- factors, as they'd put it.
Does it affect the world about it: transformative. Does it move through the world instead: disruptive. Does it change itself: dynamic. Does it remain the same: static.
Plus, Plus; Plus, Minus; Minus, Plus; Minus Minus. He's never going to quite get /that/ old refrain out of his head. Fire, Air, Water, Earth.
Half of fire is transformative, the same as water. That part, the part that reaches out and leaves the surrounding world altered, is the least of his worries. In a sense his ability to heal draws both from water's transformative properties -- 'change what he touches' -- and earth's disruptive properties -- 'the power and force to set those changes'. But the other part of fire is dynamic.
They'd tested him, back then. He had aptitude for two elements, which was hardly anything to be ashamed of. Engil had mastered only fire. And, he would be content to leave it at that.
Except twice now, he's erupted into flame, ever since that ceremony. He knows it's Ether. But he can't seem to get it right, can't seem to get it to work on command. Time was, he might have lept at the chance to develop further 'power'. But the way this is manifesting is... not great. If he can't command it, he can't master it. And if he can't master it... well. That's a liability.
Also it had been a pretty weird-looking fire, so there's that, too.
Exhaling a sigh, he slumps fully against the wall and closes his eyes. Yeah. What he's going to have to do, if he can't work this out soon, is request a new pair of glasses. That will help... probably.
What /is/ he supposed to be doing, he thinks again, lingering like that in the shower stall. He already has lasted longer than he'd expected -- a part of him half-expected to have gone out by now.
Like Engil.
But instead the year that should have killed him had come and gone: he's older now, older than Engil ever got to reach. The kicker is that he hadn't even realized it.
Well -- he's realized a bunch of things now. He wishes he hadn't, but it's a little too late for that now. There are words he can't take back. People he's parted from.
And there are a lot of things he doesn't like to think about.
"I'm a mess, huh," he says to no one, and not for the first time, he wishes he could still talk to--
His hands feel warm, where they rest loosely in his lap. But when he opens his eyes and sits up, there's still no fire.
The last time, what had brought about the flame had been that memory -- the memory that wasn't his. He stares at his right hand for a long moment, then slowly curls the fingers inwards towards his palm. It had been hers. He's sure of it. Feeling fleetingly dizzy in spite of the fact that he's just sitting here in a shower stall, he leans backwards again and takes a heavy breath.
What had... Azazel done to her?
There are a lot of things he doesn't like to think about. He lurches to his feet as the cold, crawling feeling overtakes him and staggers out of the stall, out of the bathroom.
...There isn't anything he can do about it, anyway.