2021-03-10: Bloodstained Memories, Part 1
- Log: Bloodstained Memories, Part 1
- Cast: Riley Arwell, Xander Lovell
- Where: Cereza
- Date: March 10, 2021
- Summary: One year ago, two childhood friends reunited thanks to a curse from an evil god.
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley's life might be over. He hopes it's not, but it's hard not to feel that way, when his world seems to shrink more every day. The days are painful. He can't keep up anymore with the flowers burrowing up from beneath his skin to help themselves to his blood. Some seem to have taken root on the inside, pricking him when he breathes too deep.
Nights don't bring any rest or relief; that's when he enters the Blood Garden, and the hungering flowers can make their discontent more fully known.
He's afraid to look at people anymore, to feel those twisted alien thoughts sliding through his mind and wonder if the people who look back at him can guess the evil that's lurking inside him.
If only he would feed the Fangs, this would all go away. But that would be insane. He just needs help getting rid of it before his control slips.
But who could he trust to help him if he exposes himself as a corrupted servant of Valmar?
No one.
Well.
Maybe one person.
He doesn't know if it's real hope or just a yearning for the past that brings him back to Cereza, knocking on Xander's window. It's an absurd way to show up back in his life, but his spirits have gotten so frayed that he's clinging to a fantasy that by doing something that used to be so routine, maybe he can step back into one of those days before all of this happened and be who he used to be again.
When the window is opened, he offers a shaky smile. He tried wiping the blood from his face before he climbed up, but only succeeded in smudging it around.
"I know I look a little alarming..." he says, the understatement of it trying to be a joke, but sounding weak. He hopes the wobble in his voice sounds more like laughter than tears. "I just need some help."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Three years. Three years, and Xander hasn't gotten over it.
Maybe he would have, if he didn't replay the last time they spoke in his mind over and over, pretending he'd said something different and imagining he'd gotten a different reaction. Maybe something in his heart would have moved if he didn't keep fantasizing about what could have been. Maybe when his mother taught him a simple "spell" of writing a name on a piece of paper and burning it to forget, Xander should have listened instead of deciding a Riley shaped hole in his life was better than no Riley shaped anything at all.
The wind taps at his window again, in that horrible, teasing way that it did every now and then. But even stuck in time with the empty routine his life had become, Xander had long since learned to ignore that foolish, boyish hope that tugs at him.
But it's not a tap. It's a knock.
Xander looks up from his desk, then nearly falls back out of his chair. In a rushed scramble, he throws the windows open and stares in disbelief.
All those nights of rehearsing what he'd say if he got the chance abandon him now that the moment's abruptly in front of him.
"Riley," is all he manages to say at first. Then his eyes widen as the sight of blood sinks in.
Medical training takes over where Xander's feelings don't know what to do. He reaches to pull Riley inside and get him to the bed to search for the source of the bleeding. "What happened? Where were you hurt?"
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley's heart lifts at the sight of Xander's face -- it's been so long and it feels like the memories are from another life.
But the moment is immediately poisoned with thoughts of what if you broke him open, what if you sank a knife deep into his neck and let it spray the room in crimson... and it almost feels like his own curiosity, his own desires.
He shakes his head roughly, passively letting Xander pull him inside as he focuses his attention on fumbling to swat his dagger out of its sheath with the back of his hand so he can't try to grasp it. It clatters onto the floor.
What happened? Where were you hurt?
The majority of the blood trails down from Riley's eyes, nose, and ears. It isn't flowing right at this moment, but it's frequent enough by now that he's lost the will to mop up after it. The same goes for the tangle of strange red flowers climbing up his neck and the side of his face. More can be seen twining his forearms, and that's just the exposed skin.Some of them have thorns, while others have teeth.
"I'm not hurt," Riley tries to explain. And then, because he wants to get it over with instead of holding his breath fearing how Xander is going to react when he understands, he adds:
"I'm evil, now. There's Darkness infesting me." His eyes flick from Xander to the floor, wanting to ground himself with the sight of him but not wanting more of those thoughts to slide in.
His voice quiets. "I know you're a doctor, not a priest, but I thought maybe you might know how to get it out."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Despite the time it's been, Xander barely looks any different. He keeps his dark hair just the same as he used to, his bangs brushing just shy of his eyes, and his neatly combed hair tied back with that same, white ribbon he always used, or at least, an identical replacement.
Xander barely glances back to see what fell, but thinks nothing of it -- there's the more pressing issue of Riley bleeding out everywhere. It seems Riley bleeding on his bed isn't a concern right now, either.
His heart feels like it's going to escape out of his throat as he presses clean bandages to Riley's face to start trying to mop up the worst of it. The horror dawning on him further the more he sees it coming from... everywhere. Don't, please. Please don't bring him back just to take him away.
But it goes further than that. Xander's breath stops. A gruesome wound, he first thought, until he sees the details of flowers in the candlelight. Xander brushes his fingers over the petals, flinching with the smallest recoil when a thorn pricks his skin and a droplet of blood forms on Xander's own fingertip.
"I'm evil, now.
It should be a ridiculous statement. But this...
"I..."
Xander's mind races. He hurries back to his desk and fumbles with several vials, knocking a few over before grabbing something from a bag on the ground. Xander shoves the small pouch he retrieves into Riley's lap on the way to his bookshelf. "T-Try those," he says. "It might stop the bleeding." They're a familiar medication, at least: chewable pills, bright pink-red and tasting like candied cherries.
Heart hammering, Xander grabs at a few medical texts before pausing and looking to a small collection of fairy tales. He pulls one of them free, running his fingers through his bangs.
"...I might have an idea."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley draws a sharp breath when Xander makes contact with a thorn. "Be careful, some of them are poisonous!" he warns.
Is it really a good idea to have come here? It's stupid how dangerous he is, even sitting quietly, doing nothing.
...But he feels better. It's soothing to be back here, to have Xander touching his face, caring for him, trying to stop the bleeding. Even if he can't fix anything, it helps to be near him.
And even knowing Xander never did care for him the way he wanted, he still does care. Riley didn't realize how badly he was starving for that.
It's selfish, but now that he's got a grip on it, he can't just let it go, and say 'never mind' and dissappear off into the night to carry this alone again. He doesn't have the strength left for that.
And then there are those words. ...I might have an idea.
Riley looks up in surprise, wiping at fresh bloody tears as he chews on candied medicine.
"You still make it cherry flavored!" He accuses, trying to make it sound like he finds that silly and hilarious and not like he's about to break down sobbing with nostalgia after getting jabbed with shards of memory from what used to be a happy life.
"Y-you have an idea?"
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Poisonous. Xander pauses to inspect his wound. He wanders back to his desk and goes through his vials, then quickly downs something as a precaution. But he doesn't comment, looking through the book. A storybook.
It's idiotic. Riley is -- dying, or cursed, or besieged by some other horrible thing they don't know what labels to put to. It looks grotesquely painful. And Xander's flipping through a fairy tale. But that's the thing. A doctor, not a priest. There's more hints in legends than in medical notes about these afflictions.
"You still make it cherry flavored!"
Xander's cheeks grow hot. He brings the book up just over his nose, as if it could hide the redness spreading across his face. An idiot, is what Xander is, clinging to the past with a bundle of hopeless emotions. Sometimes he liked to trick himself into thinking Riley had meant more the day he left, and Xander missed it and made a mistake. Maybe it was a dream in Xander's head, like so many others. "Y-Yes," he manages. "Is that... still your favorite?" He regrets it as soon as he asked. As if he isn't embarrassing himself enough.
Riley came for help.
Xander takes a deep breath to compose himself and sets the book to his desk. "I'd need to verify it, but there are rituals dealing with... evil." It still feels wrong and twisted to use that word talking about Riley. Whatever he's suffering is evil. But Riley? Never. "Supposedly." He chews on his lip. "There's a library in one of the neighboring towns. It's a day's journey from here. I think we could start there."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Don't you dare poison Xander, Riley is telling the thorns, at the same time that some other part of him is contemplating taking Xander by the hand to feel his skin on his own and then rake it over the thorns.
He shivers and makes a noise of frustration to stifle the thought.
"Do you know what the dumbest thing is," he blurts. "It's my teeth." He pushes back his lip a little to show a fang. "But I can't just knock them out. Have you ever heard of the Parts of Valmar? If you let them do what they want, they'll bring the Day of Darkness. But if you try to take them out, you lose your soul or something. Is my soul in my teeth, now..?"
A haunting thought. A ridiculous thought. The kind of thought he has had nobody to tell until now.
He feels so much better with Xander here, even teetering on the brink of some insane violence against him. Please don't do anything evil, he begs himself.
Xander asks if cherry is still his favorite.
"It is!" he says, trying to grin. "I really haven't changed that much, except for the evil. How have things been, here...?"
Sneaking in through the window at night, there was really no opportunity to catch up with anyone. Even if he wanted to, he looks like a wreck.
There are rituals dealing with... evil.
"...I could try a ritual," Riley says softly.
It's true that it's not much of a plan in itself, but it's a direction. Something to try besides retreating deeper inside himself as his symptoms grow. A day's journey? A library? Maybe with Xander's help he can clean himself up enough to go into a place like a library without frightening people.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
"Your teeth?" Xander approaches Riley again, now more careful of the horns, and goes to take hold of his face to look inside his mouth, oblivious to the evil thoughts stirring inside. "Let me see." Normally he'd ask a patient permission first, but as much as his need for medical examination is taking over, it's mixing with the old nostalgia where the boundaries between friends was less thick.
And with everything that's happened, maybe it's not supposed to be. Xander lifts his touch away. "Sorry -- may I see?"
Valmar and evil. The words are basically interchangeable. Riley speaking the name out loud makes Xander suck in breath. But the idea of a Part of Valmar, one of his broken pieces... "I've heard, but it could be a lesser evil," Xander says hopefully.
... Those really are fangs, though. Xander swallows thickly.
"How have things been, here...?"
Lonely. "Quiet," Xander says. "I mainly deal with sore backs and the occasional cold." A wistful smile sneaks onto his face. "We were the worst of Cereza's injuries."
He looks over Riley uneasily. A day's journey. He can be away from the clinic that long. He has to be. He can't let Riley walk off alone a second time, maybe to never see again.
"Can you describe your symptoms?" he asks. "I'll treat it the best I can."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley squeezing his eyes shut when Xander takes his face in his hands could easily be mistaken for discomfort with the gesture. But really he's struggling with a troubling mixture of wanting to lean into the touch and imagining what it would be like to bite him.
When he gets the request for permission, though, he nods.
I've heard, but it could be a lesser evil,
"I think they're big evil," Riley replies. "The Fangs of Valmar. They showed me visions. They want... blood." He opens his eyes warily to check Xander's reaction to this admission. But he's had enough evil fantasies at this point that he thinks he owes him the warning.
We were the worst of Cereza's injuries.
"I thought they needed you here--" Riley bites that comment off at the end, but not before it escapes. It sounds bitter and stupid to him.
"I mean, sorry, of course they do. People with colds still need a doctor."
Can you describe your symptoms?
Riley squirms a bit, suddenly shy about describing the things that have been on display since he entered.
"Er, well... there are flowers growing from my skin. And inside me, maybe. And they drink my blood sometimes. And my eyes and my nose bleed... ... and there are these dreams... you probably can't do anything about dreams. I know it's a lot. The medicine was tasty, though." Blood is tracing new tracks from Riley's eyes as he says this, suggesting the medicine was less than effective. But at least it helped him emotionally.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander's touch against Riley tenses. He slowly pulls away, but not before he can hide his small tremble. "Where would you have encountered a Part of Valmar, Riley?"
Visions. Blood. Xander watches Riley, feeling dizzier by the second. It's right there, all of it. The fangs. The flowers. This unnatural affliction basically devouring his childhood friend. This entire evening doesn't feel real, but the way it weaves its unreality is all over the place. Another deep breath. They can fix this. Xander's read the stories about cleansing evil. Even a Part of Valmar can be purged. It'll be easier than those stories, because Riley is willing, and not the rampaging, nameless monster.
"We'll fix it," Xander promises. He forces a smile. "Adventurers do it all the time."
Maybe not all the time.
There's a bitterness in Riley's words that are a too-perfect mirror of some of Xander's own sentiments after the first year. It's stupid how comfortable it feels to have him back after all the time, and with all the, well, evil. "I've done a couple surgeries," he admits, maybe more to convince himself than Riley that he had to stay. Xander sighs. "...But I guess they do."
But surely he's earned a few days away by now.
As Riley speaks of the symptoms, Xander grabs his notebook and starts jotting things down. "I can make a sleep aid. That might stop the dreaming." He glances up, seeing the blood again. "...Maybe a stronger dosage. How would you rate the--" Xander stops himself. It's hard to feel clinical like this. His voice softens, gentle with worry. "How much pain are you in?"
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Where would you have encountered a Part of Valmar, Riley?
Riley looks down, not trusting his expression. "I've been exploring ruins. I just... unsealed it by accident. The place didn't even seem that special until I wandered in too deep."
He could have so easily passed it by. Gone anywhere else. But he didn't. And now he's got this thing, this evil in him until it destroys him or he snaps any kills somebody. And even then, it would just destroy him anyway. Unless...
We'll fix it. Adventurers do it all the time.
Xander can't even seem to convince himself, but it bolsters Riley's belief all the same. Riley's smile is, perhaps, more genuine than Xander's, if a little watery. Xander is going to help. They're going to do it together. That changes things. It isn't as hopeless as it was before.
"Thank you for letting me dump this on you."
Xander returns to doctoring him, jotting down his symptoms before asking about his pain. Riley squirms again, not sure how to answer in a way that won't sound as sad and pitiful as the last few months on his own have felt.
"More than I know what to do with?" he tries, putting a brittle little laugh at the end.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Regret bubbles up with Riley's explanation. "Maybe if I had--" Xander shuts himself up. He didn't. Would it have mattered? Does he really believe he could have noticed it? Stopped it? Or just being there might have made the timeline different so it never happened?
It's a pointless thought to let take any hold. Xander shoves it aside. Prevention is no longer an option. Focus on treatment.
"Thank you for letting me dump this on you."
Xander's smile is still a weaker one. They weren't always this quiet with Xander. The lingering guilt and worries subdue it. "Y-Yeah, of course. I'm just..." He looks away himself, and struggles to keep his voice from crackling. "...I'm really glad to see you again."
Even if it's like this.
But on the subject of pain, the laugh isn't enough to settle Xander's concerns. It looks painful. Riley's always seemed the tough one. The strong one. Even now, he's doing it. Xander goes through his supplies. "I'll make a painkiller right now. Something I can mix with a sleeping potion. Lie down and try to get comfortable."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
"...Here?" Riley points doubtfully at Xander's bed. There are a number of reasons he's not sure he should do this. The most pressing is that he's going to bleed on it. The other most pressing is that it's Xander's bed.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander winces, gesturing at Riley's... everything.
"Please don't take this the wrong way, but... I don't think I should put you where another patient might see you."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
"I guess I'm okay with it if you are," Riley responds, looking down dubiously at the sheets about to be ruined and finding he's already gotten some blood droplets on them just from sitting there being a mess. At least that concern is already taken care of.
He tries to settle himself onto the bed, feeling tense even beyond the usual cautious movements he makes to try to avoid jostling the thorns.
"Are you going to find other accomodations or should I leave you some room?"
That was a dumb thing to say. It's a mixed blessing that he's too anemic to blush.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander isn't suffering any anemia at all, and telling himself it's another one of Riley's old jokes -- nothing's changed at all -- doesn't stop his face from heating up again.
"Don't--" He forcibly steadies his voice. "Don't worry about that. I'm going to be monitoring you for a couple of hours to be on the safe side."
He brings his hand over his face as he looks away, realizing how much creepier watching Riley sleep sounds in the context that didn't exist until Riley had to go and put it there.
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
"...Oh." Riley isn't sure how the thought sits with him either. Being monitored seems a little embarrassing... but, well, that's what a doctor would do. And that's what Xander's been doing these years since they've been apart. He's a genuine professional, at this stage.
But as his friend, the implications... well, Riley's concerns go in a slightly different direction.
He has already settled onto his less thorn-ridden side, and looks up at Xander solemnly from the bed.
"I'm sorry I dumped evil flower problems on you and cancelled your sleep."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Even if Riley had come back without evil flower problems, Xander's sleep would be cancelled, but he still has enough dignity not to say that out loud.
Xander turns from his supplies to look back at Riley's sorrowful state. He slips over, clean cloth in hand to gently pat the blood from Riley's face again, as if drying tears. This might be what he ends up having to do through the night while verifying the medication isn't having any adverse effects.
That cold, sobering thought is enough to knock Xander's embarrassment out of him. Everything inside that's happy Riley's here is tangled in the distress of this horrifying condition. There's so much Xander wanted to say, so much he's sorry for, and now isn't the time to say any of it.
"Focus on trying to relax," he says instead. "I'll mix as fast as I can."