2021-03-27: Pondering Our Place in the Apocalypse
- Log: 2021-03-27: Pondering Our Place in the Apocalypse
- Cast: Riley Arwell, Xander Lovell
- Where: Cardon Forest
- Date: March 27, 2021
- Summary: Riley and Xander meet in the dreamscape of the Blood Garden to discuss Neriah and her request for their help in bringing about the Day of Darkness.
=============================<* Cardon Forest *>============================== The thick and lush Cardon Forest exists to the south of Kattelox City's walls. Unlike many other forests that dot FIlgaia's landscape, the Cardon Forest is peaceful and quiet, relatively free of any monsters or Fiends that often plague the world. Sometimes, you can see children playing here in the meadows, or a couple out for a picnic. But beware of the Digger's Guild warning -- for a structure exists far down south of the Forest, a mysterious Ruin whose entranceway remains sealed to this day. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hW_K2fSVQc <Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
The Blood Garden looks healthy, these days. Once, the plants here were starving, dessicated things, but no less ferocious for their deprivation.
Today, with regular and recent feedings, they are calmer, and lusher. And there are water lilies.
If you can call them that. They don't grow in water, after all.
A red stream flows down over rocks into a lake of blood where the lotus-like flowers have bloomed.
It's a deceptively beautiful sight, and it unnerves Riley. They're new. The garden is progressing, and he doesn't know exactly how long they have until it reaches its pinnacle. When it does, that will be all the time that they have.
I'm glad you two have each other. Neriah's words. But Xander isn't lucky to have him. Riley is the reason Xander is in this, the reason his life will be short and the reason maybe he'll never really be happy again.
But... it's probably not the time to be indulging in those thoughts. He might not be alone. He glances around himself.
"Xander...? Are you here?"
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander remembered his first time seeing the garden, filled with horror and uncertainty as hope spiraled away from him. It remains a place where fragments of dreams seem to slip from him more and more as the garden grows on the blood they feed it. But it's also the last hope he has.
Atop a bed of brambles, Xander rests in the garden. He seems asleep in the dream, his eye closed, and his body relaxed despite being cradled -- or is it chained? -- in thorns. To 'awake' in such a position is not so unusual for him, though over time the withered, dried vines have flourished with bright red buds and blossoms.
It's only with Riley's voice that his lid lifts open.
"Mm." A soft sound, almost distracted, as he surveys the garden in both sick satisfaction and that ever present clawing of fear. "...I'm sleeping off the injury, I suppose." Restless nights aren't uncommon for him, and he'd never be able to hide that from someone he shares a tent with.
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley finds Xander resting on a bed of thorns, and regards the sight with a small wince, though it isn't unfamiliar.
...I'm sleeping off the injury, I suppose.
"Good, you probably need it," he says. He offers his hands. "Come off of there before they start nibbling you and ruin your sleep."
Even when well fed, the flora here is not immune to temptation. And they may be nearing the end of their latest grace period, anyway.
"Today was something, wasn't it? I never thought one of the others would come looking for us..."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander hesitates, but slides his grips into Riley's offered hands and gently -- carefully -- pulls himself down from the brambles. Even if it is a dream, the pain's all too real... especially once the garden gets fussy in its thirst.
"It hadn't occurred to me either," he admits, glancing aside. "She makes me uneasy, but... A Valmar friend is more reasonable than Drifter friends." And Xander relented to Riley trying to have those. Eventually.
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley relaxes a bit once Xander is out of the embrace of the brambles. There have certainly been times when he was not able to protect Xander from the garden, or from the other things that may trouble his dreams, but at least tonight if they can steer clear of anything particularly feisty, Xander may be able to get some real rest.
She makes me uneasy, but... A Valmar friend is more reasonable than Drifter friends.
"Yes, she's definitely..." Riley's face screws up a bit as he searches for the words. "...further gone than us? But I guess that makes sense, given her story -- having Valmar in her head since she was a kid. It could be nice to know someone who understands all this." He pauses with a quirk of a frown. "Though maybe kind of a problem that she seems to think she can mentor us into Valmar enlightenment."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Once down, Xander doesn't let go of Riley's hands right away, though he still finds about anything else to look at in the garden besides the person in front of him. But between all the excitement and noise of Valmar friends and Drifter friends, there's something the garden can provide Xander, and it makes him nauseous to appreciate it for that.
"It doesn't matter," Xander says of possible Valmar enlightenment. "Our souls are already claimed. We're a when, not an if. It's not like we'll be acting against whatever it is she's trying to do."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
"Sure, but..." Riley makes a face. "It sounds creepy. Doesn't it sound creepy? We do what we do. But do you want to become cultists about it?"
There's a seed of doubt in Riley's mind, though. Would finding meaning in Valmar be the worst thing for Xander, if it would let him reconcile his guilt over his actions and allow him to enjoy his life again? Riley spends a moment trying to imagine a Xander who embraces what happened to Cereza as being some kind of necessary change to make a better world. Would that be a better way to live for him?
It still seems eerie and grim to Riley. He's still making a face, envisioning it.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
"It's creepy." Xander agrees. "But I'll play along if it gets us opportunities to feed the Fangs." He almost wants to say it might feel easier to do it if the lives were forfeit anyway, but he knows it isn't true the moment he thinks it. Murder's always murder.
It never gets easy. And it shouldn't be easy.
He sighs with Riley's look. "I promise we won't become cultists about it."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley waves his hands a bit. "You can become a cultist if you want. I don't want to spoil your cultist dreams." Riley you were the one having cultist dreams on his behalf.
"I was surprised you wanted to help her, though. The Day of Darkness is.... well, I guess we're contributing to it either way. Maybe it really isn't that different."
But it feels different to him. He might have said that what they're doing now, they have to do, whereas helping Neriah with her plans would be chosen. But the distinction feels pretty thin. The old Riley who planned to die with his conscience intact wouldn't have claimed they 'had' to do this.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander gives Riley a flat look. "I don't want to be a cultist." He has no idea what's going on in Riley's head right now and, frankly, isn't sure he wants to find out.
"That's what I figure," he says. "We're doing it either way. Might as well let someone take the heat for some of our kills if she wants to so badly." He squints at Riley. "Besides, she's your new evil friend, right? No sense pushing her away over it."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
I don't want to be a cultist.
"Well, if you insist. But if you ever change your mind, just know that it's all right with me..."
Besides, she's your new evil friend, right?
"At least part of me being friendly with her was because I didn't know if she was going to attack us if we came at her like enemies," Riley protests. "...but I guess it's true that I do want an evil friend." He glances upward, considering the possibilities. "We could play games with her and trade stories about some of the less distressing events from our lives... what did you think of her, other than the weird cult vibe?"
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander quirks his brow at Riley. It doesn't sound all right with him, and it shouldn't be, but whatever. This is a weird and pointless topic and he's letting it drop.
His lips twitch at the attempted protest. It's almost a smile, wry and exasperated as it is. But it fades out before it can live. Riley's allowed to... want friends. Of course he wants friends. It's not like it was ever just the two of them all alone in the world before this.
...At least Xander won't be killing this potential friend.
"She didn't deserve what she got." Xander shrugs. Most people don't. "Seems like there's still a person in there, cultist shaped as she is. There's still regret and suffering and all that. Maybe she'd like your games and stories to distract her as much as you do."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
"She seems to have a flair for the dramatic, too, which could be fun..." Riley continues. What is he pondering? Making them all put on a show? Honestly, Riley doesn't even know. He just feels like he can use this for some sort of mischief.
"But yes, she seemed... unlucky, I guess. And trying to make something worthwhile out of it anyway. Like us." Even if Xander's bad luck came from knowing Riley, not some cosmic mistep. "And maybe kind of lonely."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Fun. Probably. And in the ways Xander isn't.
There's so little time left. Dividing it like this --
But of course he would want to. Of course he would. Whose fault is that?
Xander folds his arms, glancing away again with bitterness in his scowl. Trying to swallow it down isn't doing much to make it fade from his face. Only that Riley's probably right about Neriah's loneliness does. "... Since she was a child. She must feel like no one understands her. I guess we're the closest to that."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
She must feel like no one understands her.
"And here we are, judging her and calling her creepy..." Riley shrugs with a sigh and a little grimace. He's not sure if that was a serious comment, but he is a little guilty, thinking of it that way. "But being excited to bring the apocalypse is unsettling. Even if you've got reasons."
He glances to Xander. "Are you okay? You're scowling kind of different." Riley may not be able to interpret Xander's true feelings as well as he pretends he can, but he can at least read changes in the currents to an extent.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
The bitterness never dies completely, and there's just enough under the surface to rip out the words Xander strives to avoid.
"Well," Xander starts, tone harsher than he intends, but there's no stopping it now, "It's possible she never killed her parents, so she might have a leg up on at least one of us in the creepy department."
He tightens his jaw, forcing a mumble through it: "'M fucking fine."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
It's possible she never killed her parents, so she might have a leg up on at least one of us in the creepy department.
The words hit with a raw force that silences Riley, and he looks back at Xander helplessly, that familiar feeling of having torn him open and not knowing what he could ever do to put him back together again.
He swallows down his shame and tries to put his arms around him.
"I didn't mean to make you feel that way," he says.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander gets ripped open, but it can be impossible to always predict when and where and how. "It doesn't matter." It does. It's tied to everything that matters. Xander struggles to swallow it back down.
Sometimes Riley's touch is as bad as the thorns in the garden. The gentler it is, the deeper it cleaves into Xander. He trembles with it, but he's too selfish to shove it away.
"We're bringing about the apocalypse in our own way. It's not like we'll be here to have to worry about it, so --" What is he even trying to say? He lost the point somewhere. He heaves out a sigh to finish his sentence instead.
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
The apocalypse. The sacrifices to this garden that will one day empower it to consume their souls. They can't honestly finish this mission, can they? They're going to have to stop short of it somehow. Riley is... going to have to make sure that happens. Maybe they could keep their souls, then, and only face whatever fate awaits ordinary bad people when they die, instead of nonexistence or being subsumed forever into Valmar.
It's not something he needs to do now. Not today. But eventually. When there's a good moment. When they've had their fill of this strange half-life of pretending they got to have their adventure together while really just feeding on the people around them.
"I guess we're not any better than her. But I don't want to dwell on being worse, either." He smooths a hand over the back of Xander's head, feeling him shaking despite his flippant words. "We're all just working with really bad cards."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
There's just not enough time. There's only one path to getting more of it. Then... the world ends. Xander won't be there. Neither will Riley. Everything ends. They're no escaping it, and it's this hellish garden they're standing in that makes him know that to the depths of the soul it's claimed.
He needs every moment he can strangle out.
Xander grunts against Riley in vague agreement. He leans into his shoulder, letting himself be greedy enough to calm with the touch. At least in the nightmare, however gruesome and unsettling, there's no Drifters and there's no Valmarpopes and there's no interruptions.
"... I'm just tired," he says. It's meant to pair with an apology, but 'sorry' never manages to leave his mouth. "You put me through too much stimulation."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
You put me through too much stimulation.
Riley chuckles quietly. "I'm sorry. I guess there's no rest for you even in your sleep." It would be funnier if it weren't literally true.
"I'll try not to throw any new friends at you for at least 24 hours."
Apparently he's willing to take responsibility for Neriah, even though she found them. And only offering 24 hours reprieve...??
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander lifts his head up to narrow his eye at Riley. "...Try 48."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
"36," Riley offers with a catlike smile. Stop teasing Xander when you are trying to comfort him, Riley.
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander bristles, grabbing hold of Riley by the collar. "If you subject me to friendship in the middle of the night I swear--!!"
Somehow this is how the half day gets translated, even if it's the middle of the night right now.
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
His collar siezed by an affronted Xander, Riley cannot resist attempting a quick kiss before offering him an innocent smile.
"But a your defenses against friendship are so high that it makes an ambush the most effective tactic..."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
Xander goes stone still with the stolen kiss, mouth agape at the sheer audacity...! His fingers sink in tighter into Riley's collar with a growl.
He pulls Riley in, returning the attack in kind, if less quickly.
"...Fine. But I get you to myself until then."
<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.
Riley steals a kiss and is kissed in turn, and it seems somehow they have made it past another the moment of darkness, even if it's just from an unspoken agreement to look away.
...Fine. But I get you to myself until then.
Riley smiles as though there was no reason in the world that he shouldn't. "This sounds like I win twice. I accept."
<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.
There's so much that hinges on not looking too far behind them. Or too far ahead.
But right now Xander has Riley with a stupid fucking smile on his face, and it's an effort to pretend to be mad about it while he wraps his arms around him. "Shut up."