2021-06-09: This Isn't a Battlefield
- Log: This Isn't a Battlefield
- Cast: Lydia Seren, Loren Voss
- Where: Elam Base
- Date: June 11, 2021
- Summary: Loren heads to the gym prior to his deployment to Spira once again to work off some stress. But he's not the only one in there, and ends up having a surprisingly earnest conversation with Lydia.
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia has worked with Loren since his 9Spisode but they haven't really TALKED. Lydia didn't exactly seem broken up when Stein was super killed but she's probably not the only one there.
She no longer really needs Rachiel to keep certain things going. One of those is her martial training. Learning how to do something she doesn't really want to do is like dragging teeth out of Lydia but once she's learned it, she makes sure she doesn't forget it.
And so she is in the gym, performing her sword forms. They're more fluid than ever. She doesn't even have to pretend that she's cutting down people she doesn't like anymore because swinging that blade now is like swinging an arm. Something being in the way of it doesn't make it any harder.
Rachiel has been worried about her but has been keeping her distance as of late. Lydia has found that there's a meditative element to the exercises that help her. Rachiel doesn't want to interrupt that so she's nice and alone.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
He has his marching orders and will leave soon for the Spira outpost. It's just a matter of hours until he's due to again leave this place.
And that's the crux of the problem, frankly. He has hours to kill until the time comes for him to leave. And until then, he's tecnnically still on duty here. Once upon a time, this would be an easy problem to have. He'd take a nap, or catch up on some reading. Play with cards, even. But none of these things manage to fill the sheer amount of free time that Loren's suddenly found himself gifted with.
...It's just been so long. He doesn't know what to do with himself when he's not busy, anymore.
In the end he'd gone to the gym. He might as well practice, he'd figured. Do something with himself, wear himself out.
It's a blunted practice weapon that he carries in his hand when he steps into the gym and
realizes he's not alone. Loren glances once back over at the door, perhaps wondering if he should leave again.
But he doesn't leave. After a moment or two, he steps onto the mat, takes a breath, and...
Moves from earth stance to earth stance, water-fire-air twining the steps between the each end-point.
She'd said his brother was not very good maintaining the stability that earth requires.
But he himself is poor at the no-moment of fire. He hesitates, even now. He can feel himself hesitating.
"..." Loren exhales a breath as he comes to the endpoint, blunted bladetip sagging towards the floor.
"...Are you going to say something?" he says to Lydia, without looking at her.
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia can't use ether, of course, so technically she doesn't actually use Solarian Blade Arts since they naturally incorporate ether. The forms look most similar to Water but have clearly been modified by Rachiel to account for the fact that Lydia's brand of sorcery comes from an entirely different sort, focusing on enchanted strikes rather than unleashing the element out from the blade itself. The blade gleams brightly with a prismatic shean with each maneuver, glowing brighter when the strikes were expected to make impact. The light would shine for the opponent's eyes and offer critical moments of distraction. Rachiel likened it to sunlight reflecting off a pool of water when she was last deep in her sword-nerd space and then Rachiel probably got so distracted by sword-nerd talk she walked into a pillar or something.
Are you going to say something?
Lydia doesn't interrupt the maneuvers. She treats it like any other bizarre science project of hers--once she got past the shove things together and see what happens stage.
"Don't want to get you in trouble," Lydia says. "You don't deserve that."
They might not get along but Lydia is pretty confident in that. She swings the blade again, cutting out the throat of an imaginary opponent.
"But I can speak quiet-like, if that'll work."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
He only has a moment to look at her, until he steps into his own training.
It isn't as if he's learned it the proper way, having it beaten into him over years of practice in Jugend. It's not even a pure form, mixing in elements that he'd picked up from his own 'master', years ago in Lunar. If he'd had anyone other than Leah as a tutor, he's fairly certain he would have gotten disapproval for his pains.
Even if he wants to, the sword doesn't come easily. But then, he was largely trained to heal, not to kill.
"'Trouble', huh?" He huffs out a breath and it might be some ghost of a laugh. "You're worried about that now?"
He shakes his head, grip tightening on the hilt. "Just speak and be done with it. You had something you wanted to say to me before, didn't you?"
He pauses, then glances away from Lydia.
"...Anyway. This isn't a battlefield."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia's blood is made to kill. She doesn't want to, but it somehow comes so naturally to her anyway.
"Well, sad to say I didn't get the 'how not to get your fellow Solarians killed by their secret police' packet. I'm guessing the people who made me don't actually care if any of y'all die. Stein was a maniac and Solaris is as better off without him as the Surface is. And he's not the only one but goddamn he was certainly a cartoon character."
Lydia knows what cartoons are thanks to Solaris and their vile and evil 'television'. She's still not entirely sure it isn't a form of torture.
Lydia sheathes her blade back into her arm. Loren is more distracting than Odessa agents actively trying to murder her.
"You hate this place," Lydia says. "Why didn't you leave? If you left, we could've fucked with the logs and faked your death or something. Rachiel would do that for you. You managed to be 'Thomas' for a long while without anyone catching on so you could've made it work."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
"Do you have no common sense at all in that head of yours?" he deadpans at Lydia, gazing up at the ceiling as if to ask the Emperor himself to preserve him. "...Forget it. Stein was..." He sighs.
Just another bit of rot in the system. The question is how far it went.
Sometimes you can clean a wound, after all. Other times, the limb has to go. And sometimes, it's too late to do anything at all for the patient except make it easier.
"...That's where you're wrong. I don't hate it." He closes his eyes a moment. "It's annoying. I don't like most of the people here. But do you really think I'd fit in with them?" He turns towards her, gesturing outwards with his left hand. "I don't fit in there, but I don't fit in there, either." As for faking his death, messing with the logs, escaping into a new life...
Loren shakes his head and slowly settles down on the mat, the practice sword laid to rest atop his knees.
"...Look. It took me a long time to figure it out. But I don't want to die. Even if it's fake." He looks at Lydia, a strange light in his eyes.
"Maybe I can't back down and go home. I thought about it, but I can't. But it doesn't mean they should lose another son, either. Even if it's fake."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
"'Common sense' right now is that I'm less than fuckin' dirt," Lydia says. "I don't trust it. Seems fake." It's not a real answer but she's uncomfortable with admitting that she was too angry and upset to care. She only started caring when it became apparent that rescue wasn't coming. That rescue may very well be impossible
Loren then claims that he doesn't hate Solaris. Just that he finds it annoying and doesn't like most of the people in it. Lydia squints as if trying to decipher that train of logic and clearly not managing it.
"Well," Lydia says. "I don't know. You seemed happy with Lan. You were able to trick smarter folks than I that you were a surfacedweller too."
But it doesn't mean they should lose another son, either. Even if it's fake.
"..." Lydia is quiet at that. That seems to be more convincing to Lydia than the other stuff. She sighs and steps over to a wall to lean against it.
"Yeah, you've got a point there." Lydia admits. "I guess I don't think about what parents will think. Mine were probably happy t'be rid of me. Even if I helped save the fuckin' planet."
She throws her arms up and then adds, "But I know they're an outlier. Do you love 'em? Your parents? I know it's kinda a weird question but on the surface at least...well, if you're unlucky they can hate you as soon as you're born." She points to her horns as evidence.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
"'Happy'?" He looks skeptical, particularly when she says he'd fit in--
He still remembers that time with the leeches. Or the time with the grubs. Or the time with the...
That highly skeptical expression of his doesn't fade quickly.
But he's in a different frame of mind when he explains the other reason. The one thing he can't do anything about without losing something he can never get back again.
"...Bad parents, huh," is what he says, gazing down at the battered surface of the training blade. "Sorry. But that's the other reason why. I'm not--"
'Do you love 'em? Your parents?'
"...Yeah. They're a pain in the ass. They're always bugging me. Mom wants me to try harder. Dad's just disappointed I didn't go into research like him. They both want me to quit and go home. But I can't do that." He looks up at her, grimacing. "...Don't know why I'm opening up to you like this, Seren." He sighs, though, slouching. "But it doesn't feel bad. Feels kinda like..."
Kind of like getting a weight off his chest.
"...So... what, your parents hated you from the day you were born? Because of the horns? I thought surface-dwellers were okay with muta-- things like that."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
"She cares about you a lot." Lydia says but is content to drop the matter in favor of the other one, it's more personal to Lydia anyway.
"Riesenlied and Noeline took me in, but before that my parents were--they're human, not 'beastfolk'. They'd always frame it as looking after me, just wanting what's best for me, but they wanted me to file down the horns. Or--amputate them." Lydia says. "And the worst part is, they weren't entirely wrong. On the surface, a lot of people are dicks to 'beastfolk' just because they're beastfolk. You call surfacedwellers Lambs and all, well, for some people on the Surface--we're their lambs."
Lydia shrugs. "It's not like that for everyone, but it's like that for the folks that brought me into this world. So I guess I'm pretty jealous you've got annoying parents that want you to do your best."
Why is SHE opening to Loren about this/ Well, maybe she just wants someone here to know her. Someone who isn't just another fellow weapon.
"They were pretty small at first so they'd just have me hide them. But welll--" She gestures to the horns. "--Can't exactly hide 'em now." She pauses again. "Well I mean, I can but only because of what y'all turned me into."
But she still hasn't done that, so she must have some reason for as to why.
"Could probably make myself look like one of you if I wanted." Lydia says. "But if Seraphita can run around as a pantsless bunny girl then to be FRIGHTFULLY honest here, in some ways Solaris is more egalitarian than the surface. People piss on you for saying 'surface dwellers are dorks' or whatever, but the truth is that in a lot of places the surface does the same thing. I mean Kislev literally has the same working underclass as you do just it's beastfolk centric. You have no idea how shocking it was to me to see a beastfolk as like, the third in command of the army. Only other person who tops that is Leo." She thinks about Seraphita's temperment. "Well maybe it is a little shockin'."
She cracks a bit of a grin. "But she's actually pretty smart. Just chipper and not afraid to be goofy. I'm pretty damn jealous of her too."
"...I know you don't want my help or anything, but I get it. If the people who raised me were good folks, I wouldn't want them to think I was dead either. I'll try to keep you alive Loren. I might not be as clever as ya, but I can take abuse."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
That's exactly the problem. He knows she cares about him a lot.
Which leads into the second problem: exactly what in the world is he supposed to do about that?
"Right," he says, thinking back to some of his base-level courses. Beastfolk -- and elves -- can spontaneously arise from 'pure' stock, though it's never been known (or, he wonders, admitted to?) in Solaris among the Second and First Classes.
Look into the Third Class ranks of Solaris, actually, and you will see not even a single elf among their numbers. In fact, there is only one person of Elven blood in all of Solaris, and she is only present because of...
For the same reason that Seraphita enjoys that number three seat, in fact. Because for all that Solaris is stratified, Ramses has made some headway on his meritocracy. Might speaks, and so, his whims are 'tolerated'.
"Guess that makes sense," Loren says at last, trying to think back to his basic briefings. Someone probably had written about it, but he can't remember reading it. ...Probably, he'd just put beastfolk into the metaphorical pot with the rest of them and hadn't thought much about it. Just more signs of degeneracy, mutation, decline.
She remarks that she could hide herself now, make her horns disappear. But just because if what they turned her into.
"..." Loren looks away from her, heaving out a breath.
"So that's why you're sticking around."
Well, besides the whole part where she probably literally cannot escape Solaris' leash on her.
"...She's pretty weird, though," he remarks about Seraphita. She's the same sort of weird as Lan, in fact. "I'm not sure I'd use her as a, a role model or whatever. Kelvena seems more reasonable." Also he hasn't felt like he's a bug when he's around her (like with Dominia) or not measuring up (Tolone).
Then again he hasn't seen what Kelvena can do WITH HER BRAIN.
It's then that Lydia promises that she'll keep him safe and Loren actually starts, that neat posture he'd maintain failing outright as he just about jolts where he's seated. "What? Now listen here, I don't need a, a-- I'm not getting killed that often!"
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
In being racist to everyone, perhaps Loren is in fact the least racist of all?!
Well probably not. But that being said, Lydia isn't against the idea of a meritocracy. It's tempting if only because everywhere she goes seems to have a DISTINCT LACK OF MERIT. Her vision of what qualifies as merit is probably different from Ramses's. Nevertheless, Lydia can't just outright say that Solaris is wrong about everything ever. The surface has a lot of problems. Maybe the shepherds have the wrong way to go about shepherding but SOMETHING needs to get fixed and Lydia isn't so sure that the surface even has the tools to do it.
Granted, if she could, she'd flee the hell out of here as fast as she could but she can't so she is thinking about how to make the most of the situation. Improve her situation. Ragnell told her she had to 'rescue herself' well--she's limited in how she can go about that too.
"I keep 'em and I keep lookin' the way I do cause my horns ain't the problem. But even if I was blonde haired blue eyed--it's not like y'all would stop seeing me as a surface dork anyway."She shrugs her shoulders.
Loren mentions that Seraphita is pretty weird. "She's super weird. But I like her. I mean it's honestly nice meeting someone who doesn't seem miserable or sadistic."
She honestly has felt pretty similar around Tolone but she isn't going to mention it because she can't do the robot talk like she can and it kind of secretly bothers her. Would she get more respect if she beep booped a little harder?! Used words like 'compute' or with like four syllables and--
"I uh." Lydia says. "I don't know the statistical average for getting 'killed' but usually once is more than enough."
She blinks in dull confusion.
"It's not like pity or anything. I just don't want your parents to be sad either." Pause. "Also your face isn't secretly a monster skull or something--"
she pauses for a moment. Wasn't her own head kinda messed up at one point? She squints a little in thought before peering at Loren to see if his flesh is going to fall off too. It doesn't as far as she can tell.
"--your face isn't a monster skull or anything so you're not that bad of a guy. That's why I wanted you to leave, because I thought--you weren't that bad of a guy." And she was intending to stay because...maybe she thinks on some level she is a bad guy.
"...But you can't. And the reasons you gave make sense to me so... T'would be nice if it didn't end up like mine or some other horrible thing we've got down below."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Even if she had blue eyes and blonde hair...
"It's not just about appearances, you know," he tells her, sighing and shaking his head as if in disbelief. "It's more about... what's inside. Genetics. Attitude." He gestures, vaguely. "Culture. That kind of thing. ...We're the elite."
Even if he's felt, ever since his brother died, like he's more of a joke than any kind of 'exemplar of the inherent superiority of the First Class'. He'd found Ramses' ideology threatening the first time he'd heard about it, but the more he's been turning it over in his head, the more he's left wondering if maybe... maybe there's something to that. Even if it's terrifying to consider.
(also he still low-key has a crush on the Commander. it doesn't weigh in too heavily to his thinking here, but it doesn't not weigh in on his thinking here.)
He sighs when Lydia says that meeting and hanging around Seraphita is, more or less, an honestly nice thing. "I guess if you're into being annoyed," he remarks, because apparently he can't say a nice thing about anyone, just about. Though he grimaces. "...Don't tell her I said that?"
Because she does massively outrank him, and if there's one thing Loren is good at paying attention to... it's social hierachies.
The sword, jostled, falls onto the mat. "I didn't mean literally!" he blurts out when she wonders how he'd get killed more than once. Then again, he's almost died a few times, and then there's the time he stopped his heart as a gambit...
He sets his mouth in some sort of intermediate step between a frown and a grimace she she says she's doing this just because she doesn't want his parents to be sad. Or, for that matter--
"...What are you looking at?" He's also squinted.
And then as she's explained, reached up to touch his own cheek in an exploratory matter.
He's... uh. "...Pretty sure I only have a normal skull," he says, still utterly poleaxed.
But he's not that bad of a guy...?
"...You're really assuming too much," he says, sighing again and shaking his head. "But, fine. I can't stop you from doing it. If you want to die for me, uh..." He pauses, perhaps considering the phrasing here. "...knock... yourself out?"
Because he's fundamentally a pretty cranky guy, who has a hard time saying anything nice about anyone.
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
"Yeah. I mean. I could look like you, but I wouldn't be one of you. I don't got the schooling or the intellect or history of literally looking down on everyone who wasn't lucky enough to be born in some sky city under the right conditions."
"But if I was born in Kislev, I'd probably have the Third Class Citizen experience down at least. But I wasn't. I'm a Baskar like Lan. Though she's kinda a 'bad girl' type." She hasn't forgotten that Lan technically stole her Medium.
"I'm not like you. I like it when people are nice t'me." Lydia points out. "Or maybe that's unfair actually. Rather, I don't like being miserable." She frowns a little. Is that really any better, Lydia? "...Point is," She tries a third time. "I can't stand bein' unhappy. You can endure it a lot better than I can. Maybe that's a different thing from being on the surface or being from up here. Culturally-like."
She jumps a little when the sword falls onto the mat. "If Rachiel saw that she'd give ya a lecture." Lydia's expression goes deadpan. "Even though I've seen her drop her sword twice."
Loren is pretty sure he has a normal skull. "OS isn't telling me you're secretly a robot so that's good."
She wobbles back and forth anxiously on her feet.
"I won't tell 'er but she probably already knows. She's more perceptive than she acts. I mean, think about it--no matter how powerful she is, if she was completely oblivious she wouldn't have made it to where she is. She probably has to do that act of hers t'some extent."
Her eyes widen. "Oh geeze I'm not gonna die for you. I mean, not intentionally. I guess if I'm tanking hits it might happen unintentionally..."
She gestures with a hand, "But I'ma pretty sure most folks can't put me down for good. You've seen some of the hits I took and got up from. And 'sides... I don't think Grigori'd be too happy if anything happened to you. Maybe that's assuming but--"
She trails off. "...Anyway I know I annoy you too but you've actually treated me pretty decent compared to most folks up here. You even saved my life once. Probably just part of your cover but I probably would've--"
She can't make herself say it, but the implication might be clear considering the DESPAIR INDUCING TRAP she was in at the time. Then again, for Loren that might've just been tuesday.
"And honestly if Solaris is gonna be big and spooky evil, at least it'd be better if they weren't CACKLING MADMAN who MURDER CHILDREN because SOME GIRL MARRIED THE WRONG GUY!!"
Yeah Stein is probably never going to leave her memory.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
"A... bad girl type?" he repeats, as if flummoxed by this sort of statement. True, Lan sort of doesn't wear a lot sometimes, but he doesn't think...
"Uh," he starts to say, pulling a strange face when Lydia remarks that 'she's not like him' because she likes it when people are nice to her.
The fact is... same, honestly. Yes, really, in spite of the way he interacts with the world which would suggest anything but any sort of desire for tenderness. Spiked shields are a hard thing to put down again once picked up.
But admitting that -- even with the steps toward being some sort of functional human being he's been making -- is a bridge too far for Loren, now. And so he fidgets with his glasses and looks away.
"...Well, good?" he says, to not secretly being some sort of robot. "I mean, that'd be a surprise to me."
His shoulders sag and he reaches out to pick up his sword then slowly rises to his feet again. "Right. I bet she would." He sighs, and gives the blunted blade a practice swing, enough to feel its weight in his arms as it cuts through air. "...I know. You can't get to her position otherwise. Even if the Commander picked her."
He didn't just pick her to pick her. He picked her because she was good at what she does.
"Well, good. I don't want you dying for me, either. In fact, I'd like it better if you kept out of my way. ...But you're not going to listen to that," he says, kneeling a moment to set down the sword, "so at least I can keep you... well, together, I guess." He'd have said 'in one piece' but that would have been a particularly poor choice of words, considering.
"...Yeah," he says, starting to do the warmup he should have preceded this workout with. "She's family, too."
It's not really the ghost of a smile that crosses his face -- more like something that, with enough time and encouragement, might someday blossom into a proper facial expression. "You keep saying that, Seren. That's how you think about the world, huh..." He pushes his glasses up. "Well, look. You can do what you want. I'll just make sure you don't die doing it."
He's never liked it. Losing a squad member. A patient. A brother.
Though he sort of stops mid-warmup to just sort of side-eye Lydia. "H-hey, don't even put me in the same context as that guy..." Because even if he's definitely (due to duress and other things he doesn't want to explore too much) had a similar suite of emotional intensity that had so gripped the dear departed Stein...
Yeah. Yeaaaaah. No.