2021-07-07: What Was Left Unsaid
- Cutscene: What Was Left Unsaid
- Cast: Xantia
- Where: Shevat
- Date: July 7, 2021
- Summary: Xantia visits the late Xenia in what capacity she still can. A chance meeting with a local ends up changing her perspective in a major way. (For additional context, see 2021-06-10:_Reflections_of_the_Past)
It took longer for Xantia to come here than she meant to. Thinking about it now, she's unsure what held her back. It feels weird, certainly, but... there is also a certain worry involved. Perhaps even fear. Things that almost certainly relate to her unknown past have a way of throwing her emotions into disarray. And this time, rather than a thing, it's a person.
Well, she's here now, at last. She probably shouldn't just stand there. Come on Xantia, say something already. She takes a deep breath.
"Hello... Xenia. My name is Xantia."
She thought it'd be easier to talk to someone who isn't there after the first time. But nope. Still feels weird. If anything, it feels weirder, knowing that this is a person who no longer exists in this world.
"...I hope the people who believe that the dead can still hear the living are right. And if so, that I'm doing this right. I've never really done this sort of thing before, I just... I figured I should visit. After all, even if I didn't know you, and they told me I'm probably not related to you, I apparently look just like you. I don't think that can be just a coincidence, do you?"
Silence. Of course. It would be more disconcerting if she got a response from beyond the metal plaque bearing but a single name and a single date. Xantia awkwardly clears her throat.
"So, uh... just Xenia, huh? I guess I didn't think that was strange before. 'Xantia' is all I've got, too. But... most people have last names, right? So, what about yours? Maybe they didn't know? ...Is that something I should have asked the queen about?"
Xantia shakes her head. Here she is asking questions of someone who isn't even alive anymore. Has she really become that desperate? She takes another deep breath.
"So... I've been looking for my lost memories, that's how I ended up here. I think, deep down, I always knew there would be something for me to find in Shevat. But all this time, I had no idea you even existed. The one I know as Xenia... I think she probably stole that name from you. Maybe through her, I'll be able to find out more about you, too."
Xantia rubs the back of her head. This just feels like she's talking to herself. She sighs, and proceeds to do just that.
"Yeah... this is awkward. I know I should be feeling something about all this, but I have no idea what it is. As usual. Is it really supposed to take this long to figure out emotions, even when you have amnesia?"
To her surprise, this time there is a response, of a sort. In the form of a loud clatter, as a metal tray impacts the tiled floor. Xantia turns sharply to see a woman standing further down the corridor, the dropped tray at her feet. She doesn't know this woman, but the shocked expression suggests that the woman does know her.
"Xenia?!"
Or rather, someone who looked just like her, evidently. Looks like things are about to get a whole lot more awkward still.
"I have to apologize again for my initial reaction. But the resemblance, it truly is... well, I hope you understand, and will excuse the momentary loss of composure. For a moment I had thought... goodness, how embarrassing."
Xantia wasn't sure what to expect from a visit to a columbarium, but coming away with an invitation to have tea at a stranger's home would've been a pretty impossible guess. Seated in a cozy living room, she looks over to the host speaking from the adjacent kitchenette, waving a dismissive hand.
"It's fine, really! It'd be weirder if you weren't surprised! And all you did was hug me, there's nothing bad about a hug. Just relax, Nellie!"
The middle-aged woman's name is Noelia, but asked to be called Nellie. A medical doctor now, but as she explained, still a nurse back when Xenia was still alive, helping with the unfortunate woman's care. As Xantia had noted previously when talking to the queen, Xenia seemed to have been a person who left a positive impression on everyone around her, remaining strong even in the face of an unavoidable fate. Clearly she had been well-liked by Nellie, as well. That was quite the impressive hug.
Fumbling with the tea set, Nellie mutters to herself before relenting, "Yes, well... I suppose. I attempt to maintain a certain measure of professionalism at all times, but a momentary slip could do no harm. Providing no one saw that. I think no one saw that..."
Xantia shakes her head as the tea is brought out to the salon table, barely big enough to hold the tray. "You worry too much, Nellie." Her smile fades slightly. "So... you were there to see Xenia too, I'm guessing?"
A sigh escapes the other woman as she settles into the chair opposite Xantia. "Even after all these years, it still feels like I have something to make amends for. I know that I did everything I could at the time, which wasn't much. Even now I wish there had been more I could have done for her. It was the very impetus for my choosing to further pursue the medical sciences. And yet... for Xenia, the only thing I can still do is to make certain her final resting place continues to shine as brightly as she did."
Xantia looks down at her tea. She feels like apologizing, even if she isn't sure what for. She can't help having the same face as someone that Nellie cared for a great deal. Ah... of course. Now she realizes the reason why she wants to apologize. "...I'm sorry to bring back painful memories. It must have been awful to be so powerless."
Nellie nods in the affirmative. "Yes... the poor woman. She wasn't able to leave the medical facility even once. It was all we could do to suppress the pain and delay the effects of her condition. Yet all she ever did was smile."
As she takes her cup of tea in hand, Xantia bears a sad smile as well. "So I'm told... she was very strong."
"That she was," Nellie agrees. "Her optimism was nothing short of astonishing. Up to the last, she was still talking about her wedding plans." She sighs deeply. "Poor Xenia, poor Herod..."
Xantia pauses, her body freezing up completely. "...Herod?"
Nellie looks surprised. "Yes, her fiancé. Didn't you... Ah! I'm sorry, I assumed... maybe I said too much..."
The other woman's voice suddenly sounds very far away, becoming indistinct. Even her form blurs before Xantia's eyes, slowly melting and reshaping itself into someone else entirely. Before she full well realizes what's happening, she finds herself looking into the eyes of none other than Queen Zephyr. Though nothing about Shevat's youthful-looking monarch seems particularly off, and her calm expression is as ever hard to read, Xantia can't shake the feeling that she's being regarded with disapproval.
Xantia attempts to speak, but her attempt produces no sound. Yet before she can even begin to question the reason for this, she hears another voice. A deep voice that she doesn't recognize.
"Queen Zephyr, with all due respect, we've given your way of handling things more than a fair chance, and what results can we claim for it? While we sit idle, the surface world's deterioration continues unabated. We can no longer afford to simply wait and see - we need to take action now, or before long there will not be anything left of the planet to save! If you do not lend aid where it is clearly needed when you have the ability to do so, is that not the same as condoning the suffering of others? Once again, I implore you - you must act! You owe it to Filgaia! ...You owe it to Xenia."
...what? Did that voice just say...? She wants to turn her head to try and locate the source of the voice, but finds herself unable to do even that. She can only look straight into Zephyr's eyes. Why isn't the queen responding? Why does she feel so judged? Why is this making her angry? And why... does she feel like that voice just now... came from her...?
"Xantia? Xantia! Xantia, are you okay?"
Xantia blinks, suddenly back in her seat in Nellie's living room. What was that just now? It felt similar to a memory... but, if so, that wasn't her memory. It happened when she heard that name... Herod, was it? Did that memory... belong to this Herod? Why is she seeing someone else's memories now? Someone she doesn't even know?
Wait, Nellie said he was Xenia's fiancé. Hold on. Queen Zephyr never mentioned this person. Why not? She must have known. And that seems like a really important detail. Never mind how it happened, that memory flash proves just how important it was to hear that name. And yet the queen kept it from her? For what reason?
"Xantia!"
Xantia starts. Nellie is now leaning forward, examining her with concern. This probably does deserve an explanation... but she responds with something else entirely.
"Oh! Um... yes, sorry, I just... I just remembered something. Really really sorry, but, I have to go, right now."
Xantia quickly downs her tea, wincing at how hot it still is. Apparently less time passed than she thought. Regardless, she sets down her cup and makes to stand. Nellie puts a hand on her arm.
"Wait! If... if you must go, then that's that I suppose, but before you do, I must ask... what exactly is your relation to Xenia?"
Xantia smiles, responding immediately. "Oh, I'm sorry Nellie. I didn't mean to make you think we were related in some way. I was just curious about this person who looked like me."
This clearly confuses Nellie, who begins, "Huh? But..."
Xantia abruptly cuts her off. "Yeah, I know, it's weird how much we look alike! But it really is just a coincidence. Now please excuse me, I really am in a hurry, maybe I'll see you later!" With that, she yanks her arm free and runs off as fast as her legs can carry her.
Xantia finally comes to a stop in the corridor leading to the Gear hangar, gritting her teeth as her fist impacts the wall. What's going on here? If they didn't tell her about something this important... what else didn't they tell her? It's not just the queen - she could tell that Nellie thought that she'd made a mistake by bringing up Herod. Just how deep does this go?
"...So that's how it is, huh? You'll only tell me about things so long as they aren't inconvenient for you? You knew that getting my memories back is more important to me than anything... and still you're keeping things from me? What secrets could you possibly..."
She cuts herself off, looking about to make sure no one was around to hear her. If they knowingly hid this from her, there's no telling what they'll do if they find out she knows. She should be careful. Let them think they managed to fool her.
"...Fine then. Don't think that I won't remember this."
It wouldn't be until much later that Xantia would realize... that final exchange with Nellie was the first time she's ever knowingly, deliberately told someone a lie. And when that time comes, she may be shocked at just how easy and natural it had been for her to do so.