2021-07-13: Are You Prepared?
- Are You Prepared?
- Cast: Loren Voss, Leah Sadalbari
- Where: Lake Macalania
- Date: July 13, 2021
- Summary: Loren seeks out Leah to ask after something that's been on his mind.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
There hadn't been an official statement about it -- not yet. But if there is one part of Loren Voss that has been well-honed by the events he's participated in and lived through, it's the feeling in his gut.
Something's about to go down. Why else would they have had Seraphita and him navigate the mountainside, as if it could be a potential path (though based on his report, he'll be surprised if they even use it). Why else have they assigned someone certified in cybernetics to the Macalania outpost?
That means they're either moving Tolone out here, or...
Or someone else.
And it doesn't take a genius to figure out the 'what' at this point, either.
They're aiming for Zanarkand. Why now, he doesn't know. But it's the most likely course of action. Which means that he's...
There's been no official statement about it. But he's pretty sure that whoever is in the space set aside here for a senior officer -- now occupied, because Loren is not stupid and has noticed this as well -- is someone he probably knows.
It's going to be terribly embarrassing if he's wrong, he considers, as he knocks on the door. But in a way, it might be better to be embarrassed, just this once.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
It would be terribly embarrassing to be wrong here, wouldn't it? But there are things in Loren's life that he's getting to know rather well. His 'gut feelings' are well honed. And as it turns out...
"Enter," says a familiar voice, and once Loren does, he can see the Major there at the desk in the office. Leah Sadalbari is currently setting down a pen that was being used to sign a particular something-or-other, looking up with her single blue eye towards the door. As usual, the office she's using is bare, full of very little that would be personal to her. ...But at least she's got her own office this time, instead of stealing the local commander's.
That may be worrisome on its own, though.
"I was thinking you'd be along soon enough."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
It would be embarrassing but it would in a way be a relief. --If he'd been wrong, that is.
Unfortunately, in this, Loren is not wrong in the least.
He hesitates a moment before opening the door.
The outpost isn't like the bases that Gebler has scattered across the surface. This is a more temporary affair, using prefrabricated structures erected close to the site under investigation (which is to say, Macalania Temple). It's better than camping in a tent in the wind and the snow, but it's hardly as climate-controlled as the bases on Filgaia had been. He's wondered if they intend to spread operations on Lunar, using this as a 'node'. Or, perhaps this is where their interest begins and ends, with the Fayth in the temple. It wasn't as if they had extended more than a token force here -- the largest investment they had made had been the presence of half the Elements, and even then, only Kelvena seemed to be more or less stationed here for the long haul.
But that had been foolish of him, he's come to realize. He hadn't taken other areas in Spira into account.
He closes the door behind him when he steps inside, even as she says she'd thought he'd be along soon enough. Something in his chest tightens. He straightens, just that much. She'd known.
If the intent was to knock him off-kilter for a few precious moments, she succeeds.
"Leah," he says finally, only to correct himself, "Major. ...I wanted to talk to you."
About the upcoming operation, that hasn't even been made known to most of those on base here?
He glances away. He's uncertain. Nervous. But he still asks his question: "...It's about what happened in Saint Heim."
Or not about the upcoming mission, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
Does the Major ever not seek to keep people off-balance? Or does she have to try, at this point? It might've been a relief. But it isn't.
Perhaps it's less strange in such a temporary building that Leah shows no signs of particularly inhabiting this space but for her admittedly significant presence. It always seems to suggest, though, that her being here at all is temporary, outside the system, and perhaps that too is intentional.
Maybe it's the same for this outpost.
"Very well," the Major answers. Or is it Leah? She gestures in front of the desk, a place to be. He's uncertain... Yes, clearly.
She doesn't show surprise. Does that mean she isn't?
"Then go ahead. Feel free to speak your mind."
There aren't any cameras in here.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
He tries not to look around him -- not in that tell-tale way that would give up what he's thinking about. Cameras. Recorders. Something looking in on him, on the things he'll say in private.
He's known about it for a long time. Not as long as he's been alive, precisely. But there were little things he'd picked up on as he'd grown up, until the moment he'd realized it: Solaris keeps tabs on its citizens.
For their own good. They have so many enemies, and it's important to make sure -- especially among its surface-operations military presence -- that all is well internally.
That was fine, more or less. Yes, there were things he wanted to keep private, but yes, he knew the value of being watched at all times. If something were to happen, there would be a record of it. But, lately...
There's only one place which he's reasonably sure can't be breached, and that's within his own mind.
'Feel free to speak your mind'," Leah says to him. And he hesitates.
But he also has to know.
"It's true, isn't it? ...What Stein said about the Wels. Why... are we..."
He can't quite bring himself to finish the question.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
Some questions are inevitable. Some revelations are more than can be borne.
But always, the eyes of the Ministry are watching.
The Major watches Loren, her face impassive as her single eye remains unblinking. It's enough to make one wonder at time whether that single place can't be breached. But she doesn't show any signs of reading his mind just now. Not while he hesitates. Not while he asks. Not while he doesn't finish the question. And so, Leah waits... and then she reaches into a drawer, pulls a small device, and places it on her temporary desk.
She presses a button, and a faint buzzing fills the room, easy to ignore after just a moment. Just a little white noise. Loren might recognize it for what it is, an insurance.
"It's true," the Watcher replies, and her eye is sharp on Loren, sharp like a blade. "He was not lying, though he was foolish." She pauses, and continues, "This world is fallen. Broken. Dying. Some would say it is beyond saving as it is, but this is not so. There is a solution."
"...Tell me, Captain. How far would you go, to save this world? Would you commit an 'atrocity' to save others?"
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
He has sat on this question for months, and perhaps not without good reason. What he's about to ask -- is asking -- is butting up towards the edge of a line of questioning that might be seen as treasonous by some of his own. Should it matter what happens to those taken by Solaris? Does it matter that the Wels are human after all? They're just surface-dwellers. If they're human, they're only so by technicality.
But. Solaris is making monsters. Those things were human. Are human. And...
And there's something that feels sick and twisted about it, the more he's turned it over in his head. It's true -- those on the surface have not managed themselves well. They're in need of supervision. But does this excuse...
He had to know.
And that's why he's come here. He asks Leah because he knows, one way or another, she'll have an answer for him. He just might not like what it is very much.
Or, for that matter, be certain about how she will respond to his question.
There's white noise. Loren blinks, realizing what it means.
It's true, she says, and she might as well have pinned him to the spot with a spear. He remains rooted to the spot, as if afraid to so much as move a finger.
And she goes on. What would Captain Voss do, if it meant saving the world? What atrocities would he be willing to commit?
"I..."
It's beyond him. No, not the action -- he can't make the argument that he would in truth stay his hand with so much at stake. No. It's the scale that throws him. An atrocity. Not just a battlefield. Not just a war. An atrocity.
And, what's more...
Slowly, he shakes his head. Not in denial of what she asks him: Loren looks dumbfounded, still grappling with the scope of what she's just asked. "I... I think I don't understand," he says at last. "...How does 'this' save the world?"
Maybe if he'd understood it better he'd...
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
With the Watcher, anything could be treasonous. She is the worst and the best person to bring something like this, because she has shown before her willingness to ignore Solarian propriety... but she remains the reason many among the Gazels have disappeared. It could be writing a death warrant to bring this to someone of her status--
But she has demonstrated something different, hasn't she? Not just the Watcher, but Leah. She has demonstrated that one way or another, she will give him an answer in cases like these, whether he likes that answer or not. So she pins him to the spot with her words.
Leah's blue hair--artificially dyed--takes on a sterile look in this makeshift office, in the electric light that affords them visibility in what is essentially a pile of building materials. She remains aged, older than her years would suggest. That has been true for a long time--but it is truer, now.
The Watcher is watching Loren still, as he explains that he does not understand.
"...Do you remember?" she asks. "The time I offered you a way out. But you chose to stay. You chose to take the responsibility of your own fate into your own hands. ...I told you once that the world is larger and stranger than it is prudent for the many to know. That the truth is something we curate. That we protect, for the good of all."
"You do not understand because you do not have the knowledge necessary to understand. You do not see the root of the trouble afflicting this world, and thus you cannot see the solution. This is no failing; this is as it is meant to be. You, in your role, do not need to understand how this 'saves the world'. Indeed, this knowledge would be dangerous to you, even to possess."
"If I explain this to you, even at the shallowest degree, you will be opening a door that you can never close again, Loren. Are you prepared? Or are you content to know that I know it is necessary?"
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
This, too, is likely one of the reasons he's hesitated on the matter. Leah could have him killed for this. To the outside world, he would simply vanish without a trace. Perhaps she would even do him the kindness of his 'official' death being that of a noble one. His only reassurance in this particular course is that it would almost certainly not affect his family...
...and the belief she wouldn't do it. She's shown herself -- as Leah, not the Watcher -- to be reasonable. Even forgiving, under the right circumstances. After all, he's already in possession of enough sin to see himself executed, should she lay down her judgement.
In a sense, he has to trust that she'll answer. And she does.
But not without a warning, first and foremost.
She'd offered him a way out. It would be simple: he could return home and assume a normal life. His parents would be happy. He wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore -- this life to which he knows he's ill-suited. But...
He also knows, in a dark way, the likely outcome of a return home. For one thing, there's the matter of himself. For another, he'd be rescinding any chance or opportunity to change things. Oh, yes. He could follow his father's path, become a researcher, perhaps ascend within Solaris and attempt to make what changes he could to the country.
But -- especially lately -- he's had the thought that it might be easier to create a change from the outside. Or at least, with an outside perspective. He's brought to mind of a statement from some ancient physicist -- 'give me a place to stand and I will move the world'. If he's inside Solaris, he has to play by Solaris' rules. But out here in the world...
"I know. I haven't changed my mind," Loren tells her, shaking his head. "I don't think I can do much good at home."
It used to be 'I don't think I can earn glory from my parents' house'. But that's changed. It's changed a lot.
And Leah explains to him then why he doesn't know. It's because it's something deeper, something that rests within the depths of their purpose as Solaris. A truth so profound that if he were to glimpse even a part of it, it would remain with him forever. There will be know turning back at this point.
Is he prepared?
He had thought he was prepared when he came in here -- ready for whatever truth she had to give him.
But as he looks on her, he finds that his heart is full of fear.
He's silent, as if balancing still on that single point. This is not the sort of question that should be answered quickly. Does he really, truly, want the truth and whatever else that might imply?
Or does he instead want to be reassured?
He had a hallucination of Lan, lying suffering on a slab, and all, the vision had said to him, that he needed to do to save her was trade places with her.
He hadn't been able to do it. It would have cost too much.
So does this. When faced with a truly hideous unknown, he finds himself backing away. His gaze averts.
"If... if it is necessary... then..." There's trepidation: the part of him that even saw him to her door is not dead, merely outvoted. "...Then that's all I need to know."
If it's necessary. It's a good story to tell himself and drown out the distant protests from within. It's terrible, but it's necessary.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
Above and beyond the trust he has placed in her, she notices this: his perspective has changed. He is thinking of doing 'good', of changing something, rather than simply earning glory for himself. This, perhaps, is the surest sign of his growth, is the proof of the reasons she is willing even to consider giving the answer that she may. But still, a warning:
This is the way of growth. He must choose it, or not. That is the means that the Watcher uses here. And so she explains...
And she waits. She waits through that silence and indeed, does not expect an immediate answer. Her single blue eye remains on him unblinking. She has put this choice before him, and she will wait for him to make it. His gaze averts...
"Very well," Leah answers, and it is Leah, considering him again as she looks Loren up and down, noting his demeanor, his conflict....
"If you ever change your mind, find me. That door remains."
Letting that hang for a moment, she then proceeds instead, "I know it is necessary, and I know precisely why it is necessary, and precisely what good it will do when the time comes. That will be enough for now. Do you have any other questions?"
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Was this the right choice to make?
Only time will be able to answer that for him. All he knows is, as dark as some of his suspicions about the country he serves have gotten, there's always the possibility that the truth is something even worse. Something that will snuff out his his faint candlelight of a hope that there is, somehow, some way in which he could change the course of Solaris.
And then what should he do? Run away?
He can't do that. It's not possible to do that. That would mean abandoning everything he'd ever known and loved for the same of some kind of...
...some kind of ideal.
And Loren doesn't think he's able to do that. No, even if even his hopes die out, he knows where he'll continue to stand.
He's not ready to find out if that's how it will be. Not just yet.
"...Yes, Major Sadalbari," he answers to her, to someone who is only Leah again and no longer the embodiment of all that is great and terrible at his nation's core.
So that's it. He's going to be stuck doing this by half-measures. Too high-minded to leave well enough alone or return to an easier life of ignorance. Not high-minded enough to actually glimpse what's at the heart of it all.
He's silent a few moments after that, perhaps digesting that fact about himself.
But does he have any other questions--
"...We are preparing for something, aren't we. Is it... at Zanarkand?"
He doesn't asking what it is, only where it is.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
As dark as those suspicions are, it could always be darker. This subject, this area, is not one well-lit. Something the Watcher moves in smoothly...
And Leah is aware of, less grimly. Indeed--she doesn't seem grim at all in the moment, merely ordinary-serious, as if they were discussing career and the future and not horrific knowledge and truth. Would she say the business with the Ethos was necessary, too?
Will he run up against her influence if he tries to change things?
"Yes," she answers easily on the matter of preparing for something. "It is. It's not hard to guess, is it? That ancient city is already the center of Spira in its way. The machina city, destroyed by Sin... The place where the Summoners go on their pilgrimage."
"Prepare yourself. You might see her again, there. And if you don't, it'll still be cold."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Probably, he figures in private, she would say it was necessary. But was it?
The worst part of it is the fact that he honestly can't say for certain which of the two it might have been. He can make very good arguments for both sides.
And that's without Leah explaining anything to him.
Loren shakes his head.
"No, it isn't. But I was wondering." He doesn't ask her anything else about it as she explains how central that city is to Spira -- not what they're doing there. Not what their goals might be.
Just the simple question of whether or not that city was their intent. But he's already learned today that lesson -- some things you don't want to know the answer to.
He only stiffens when Leah mentions 'her', and in this he's as transparent as if she really could read his thoughts. But in this he's not a very difficult book to read, is he?
"...I understand. I'll prepare accordingly." A neutral answer, one that guards whatever lies at his own heart.
But this, too, is not a difficult thing to read, either.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
In choosing not to hear an answer, Loren has given himself an answer of sorts.
No, he's not difficult to read in this, particularly since the Major has deliberately avoided treading on that particular ground very often. She handles it carefully, like she handles much else. But he was wondering... Yes, he was, wasn't he?
"Of course. Naturally, you'll keep that to yourself for now."
Naturally.
But he guards his heart, and Leah wonders, for a moment. He wasn't ready today. Will he be, in the future? Will he be what he needs to be?
"Good. Then you may go, Captain. I'll see you soon."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Loren answers her without hesitation:
"Yes, Major."
She knows him well enough to know this: he's not going to tell a single soul. They'll need to wait for the orders to be handed down, the orders that will couch what they're about to do in a veneer of Emperor and country.
He's not going to tell anyone what he's already guessed/learned and he's going to do his best to not think about it.
"...Understood."
His answer is a simple, formal one, before he turns to make his way on out again, and back to whatever passes for his quarters in this place.
And wait for the orders to come.