2022-02-12: The More You Think About It, The Harder It Gets
- Log: The More You Think About It, The Harder It Gets
- Cast: Xantia, Lily Keil
- Where: Guara Bobelo - The Drag
- Date: February 12, 2022
- Summary: As much as Lily would have preferred to make herself scarce considering what happened during the Solarian incursion of Guara Bobelo, there is someone she needs to take care of first: a delirious Xantia, who spontaneously manifested ice elemental powers following a close call during the battle.
========================<* Guara Bobelo - The Drag *>========================= Guara Bobelo sits beneath a massive dome, a Zeboim-era structure meant to ward off artillery. Deployed during the most desperate days of the war, it now shrouds the city in eternal night--not even the false stars on its underside can break up the gloom. Once home to the grand Cathedral of Saint Calucion, Guara Bobelo is now a haven for rogues from all across Southern Aquvy. Much of the city is a single, massive slum, a dirty, darkened maze of hastily-constructed tenements. Guara Bobelo's main street runs from north to south, circling the remains of the Cathedral along the way. Known colloquially as the Drag, it's lined on either side by shady bars, rickety storefronts, and old stone buildings repurposed as flophouses and gambling halls. Hawkers sell food, drink, and knickknacks from push-carts, much of it dubious in quality. Even here, in the "better" part of town, desperation and despair seem to permeate the atmosphere. Guara Bobelo doesn't get tourists so much as fresh meat. BGM: Wild Arms 4 - Nightless City, Guara Bobelo
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Following the Solarian incursion of Guara Bobelo, one might say that Xantia has been a bit of a handful. For starters, she was found in a barely conscious state, not registering being spoken to. Just feeling her temperature would make anybody assume that she was suffering from a high fever or heat stroke, though there was no obvious natural cause for anything like that to happen so spontaneously. Then again, where it comes to Xantia, perhaps it would be more natural to suspect an unnatural cause anyway.
Even so, she was still able to move, and cooperative in doing so: after being helped to her feet and given the necessary support, she readily followed along by moving in any direction she was physically encouraged to go. Slowly and without words, needing whatever focus she still had just to manage that much. There was very little response from her otherwise, with the notable exception of when she was offered water, upon which she grasped for the container and proceeded to drink everything she could as if her life depended on it.
Things only became more of a struggle once she'd gotten a little bit of rest, and wouldn't keep lying down any longer, even though she clearly wasn't well yet. At first she only managed some noises in protest but laid back down without too much of a fuss. As she got a little bit of her strength back, she started to push back a little, requiring a bit more force. At that time, the noises she was making started to resemble words again, but they remained hard to make out. Though she was almost certainly saying the words 'have to' and 'Solaris' a lot.
Until, quite suddenly, it all stopped, and she finally fell asleep. Over half a day later, she woke up, and already seemed a lot better. Her temperature had fallen from a dangerous fever to a mild one, and she appeared lucid again. If still protesting resting any longer, saying she felt she should help the townspeople. But it was now easy to persuade her otherwise - easy for Lily, anyway, knowing just how to talk to Xantia to make her see reason.
Two days later, Xantia seems completely fine again. Seated on the edge of the bed at a local inn that she spent most of her time in since being brought there, she patiently allows Lily to conduct another examination, to make certain her condition is as normal (by Xantia standards) as it appears.
Well, to anyone else she would appear patient. Lily both knows that Xantia is rarely patient, and can sense that she's eager to start some kind of activity again. Being able to read her so clearly could be considered a good sign, that's been difficult to do for the past few days. Even after returning to apparent lucidity, her mental state remained a complete jumble, unable to stay focused enough to settle on any specific emotions. In that regard, the risk of erratic behavior has been significantly reduced.
There's also no small amount of concern coming from her. Not about her condition, but rather regarding what happened, now that she's better able to contextualize it all. The initial question she poses thus probably comes as little surprise.
"...How does it look? Out there, I mean, with the damage."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily's plan remains: as soon as Xantia is stable enough, she's getting out of Guara Bobelo and not coming back. But that hasn't happened just yet; her plan to leave to Guild Galad is still in the works. But she's still kept herself concealed for the most part, wearing a dark cloak with the hood up whenever she has to get supplies, and sticking to the shadows.
Water Lily was able to acquire. And she did! Then, she managed to get Xantia to lay down a while, and as she started to push back, Lily was able to exert more force. Suddenly it stopped... and...
Well.
For her part, Lily's dark cloak also conceals her own healing wounds fairly effectively, and she's had to pour most of the Ether she's had since the battle into healing herself after all that's happened. She is still... more than a little bit bloody. But when Xantia finally asks the question...
"Bad," Lily admits. "But not as bad as it could be. The barrier is still intact, and so is most of the city."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia looks down at the confirmation of her suspicions. She expected something like that of course, but she's yet to see it, having agreed to not go out until Lily gives the ok. That part, she isn't very concerned about, given that she feels totally fine now. Her vitals confirm that much, nothing to suggest that anything is out of the ordinary for Xantia. Whatever it is she did back there seems to have spared her serious injury, even if she clearly overextended herself.
Besides, even if she wasn't feeling fine, Xantia would likely show more concern for other people. Case in point: "Sorry about all this... I hope this is the last time you need to check up on me here. I'm still going to stay here for a while to help clean up the mess, but I know you'd rather be somewhere else right now."
Xantia wasn't straight out told this, but she can pick up on the context clues. Lily is dressed exactly like she would if she had to be someplace she'd rather not be discovered in. What she doesn't know is the reason, but she doesn't press the matter. There's one thing that she does need to say.
"I've been good about resting like you asked, so... you're gonna do that too after this, right?" She looks away for a moment before adding, "Though I couldn't blame you if you went after Solaris for this. I still... feel like I should make sure nothing like this will happen again. Not knowing how might be the only thing stopping me."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily's eyes are still strange, prismatic-and-black; that usually happens after she used the form she did. That's another reason she's been avoiding people. But Xantia is more than smart enough to figure that out. Lily is at least relieved to find, coming away from checking Xantia's pulse, that she seems in decent condition. Overextended rather than injured. ...And, well...
"It's fine," Lily says. "I just don't want them to get around to blaming me for the destruction. It'd be... a problem, if I ended up fighting the people I was trying to help. And if Solaris comes back, I don't want them to have a reason to linger to find me."
That about covers it. "...That's good of you. I can't stop you from helping, and I don't think I should even if I could."
But--rest...
Lily smiles faintly, and takes back her hood for the moment, to look Xantia in the eye. "I will. I'm planning to hide out until I'm healed up. We will make sure nothing like this happens again--but we'll do it in a calm, forward-moving way. Remember..."
"We just fought off a Solarian purge. That's never happened before, to my knowledge. We just proved that they can be beaten. So you've already done a lot."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
The change in Lily's eyes has been accepted as part of Xantia's Normal by this point. She's made it clear that it concerns her, but she could hardly argue against using everything you have in a fight. She has no room to talk there. There's just been too many situations that warrant it, is the real problem.
She still does display some dismay, but that's about what Lily says about the situation. "What do you mean, blame you? That's not fair, you didn't start this!" She reels in her outrage, managing to shift her perspective. "...I guess they wouldn't necessarily know that, huh." No point in getting angry at the people. Everything is all Solaris's fault. As usual.
She's quickly cheered up by the prospect of being able to help here while Lily takes time to rest, smiling brightly. "Don't worry, you can count on me! I don't know a lot about rebuilding, but I can definitely move and carry things around to help other people do it!"
A Solarian purge... it took time for Xantia to register the incident as such. It's not until now that she considers what that means. The fact that there's still a Guara Bobelo at all probably should be seen as a victory. Still... one aspect of it remains weighing heavily on her mind.
"...That weapon they used. What was it? I couldn't see it clearly from where I was, you were closer to it, right? All I could feel was a large concentration of Ether... and what it was meant to do."
In turn, Lily could feel that Xantia briefly switched to a 'stop this at all costs' berserk-like state, which ended suddenly with a pretty big Ether spike on that side as well. Fire and Ice colliding right where she was, presumably what led to her current situation.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
It's concerning! That's very fair. But... indeed, they can't really do less.
"They wouldn't," Lily agrees. "...And I was willing to take a lot more of the city with us than we saw, if it was necessary to stop them. That's not a comforting thought for them--You were heroic. I... wasn't."
But Lily smiles back. "I know. You'll do a lot of good here, just by being yourself. That helps me leave this place without worrying about it."
Lily registered it near-immediately, though she couldn't say why, exactly. It just seemed... the case.
"It was an operative," Lily answers Xantia. "'Ashtoreth', she was called by the equipment she used. Potent Ether abilities... centering around space and gravity. Far beyond even what I can do with gravity. I had to unleash as much power as I did just to hold her in check. If we'd kept fighting..." She grimaces.
"Well, you're not the only one who needed to stop them at all costs," she said. "But I'm glad you didn't do anything you'd regret."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia can't help but reach out, giving Lily a pat on the arm. A compromise, instead of the hug she'd rather be giving but she knows Lily isn't fond of. "If there's one thing I've learned about being a hero, it's that other people decide whether you are one or not, and not everybody's going to feel the same about it. Most people can't see things the way we do, but... I know things would've ended up a lot worse if you didn't do what do you did. So I think what you did was being heroic. I'm sure I'm not the only one."
She rubs the back of her head, adding as an afterthought, "The difference in the nature of our powers is probably the only reason why things went differently for us back there, really."
She'll certainly remember that name. Ashtoreth. If she hears it again, she'll have to make certain things end differently this time. She makes a fist, which briefly gleams with a strange purple hue. Strange, because it doesn't seem elemental in nature, the way her Ether usually manifests. "...I'm probably not the best to fight against that sort of thing. But, as long as I can get close, I know there'll be something I can do."
The somewhat grim mood quickly melts away, replaced by some measure of guilt at Lily's words. "Oh, I... do regret what I did a little bit. Mainly the losing control of myself part. But I probably would've been hurt much worse, or even died, if I hadn't done what I did."
And what exactly did she do? Expecting that question, Xantia takes the initiative in answering it, starting off with a slow shrug. "I... think I drained all the magic out of that ice claw you've seen me use, and then I could suddenly use Ice myself. I don't know what made me think to do that, or what made me think it would work that way." But even now, it somehow feels like it makes sense. Really, the main thing that doesn't is, "I thought it'd feel cold. Instead, by the end of it I felt hotter than ever. I didn't know heat could make you feel that bad."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily accepts the pat on the arm--it's a good compromise, and Lily actually pauses at it to listen to Xantia. "Things would've been worse, hm? ...Well, that's true." It is a helpful statement, anyway; Lily is still not so sure about heroic, but 'necessary' will do, and maybe some people would see that.
"...That may be true," she admits of their powers. Then she tilts her head, looking thoughtfully at Xantia's hand. "Purple?" she wonders. "That doesn't feel like your usual abilities..." Pause. "Yeah, if you can get close, I'm sure you can do something about her--it's range she works best at. She... warps space. Even I can't do all the things she can do. I just have to blast and hope for the best, mostly."
Regret... Hmm. "You did what you needed to do, it seems like. Your power works on instinct, for better or worse."
But what did she do? Lily doesn't have to ask, as it turns out. "Hmm... so it would be a temporary ability, the use of that ice Ether. It makes sense; if you can manipulate Ether in the ways you've done before, I can imagine you manipulating extant magic as a growth in your power." But doesn't... Hm.
"People who get very cold tend to end up feeling hot. It has to do with..." She trails off, shakes her head. "Well. I've spent enough time in Aveh's deserts to know all about how heat can mess you up. I'm just glad you're doing better."
"...How do you feel, now? Just to be sure."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia is taken aback when Lily points out her brief subconscious Ether fluctuation, grabbing her hand with the other hand in a reflex. "Um... just thinking about something I might be able to do. But, maybe the usual would be enough." She leaves it that, for the time being. It won't be long before she gets around to the explanation.
Before that, however, she mmms at the notion of her ice ability being temporary. "I wonder..." She seems to be considering something, leaving that for after clarifying her condition. "Oh, I'm not hot anymore now. Or cold. I feel fine, just... a little different than before."
As if to demonstrate, she flexes her right arm, then stretches it out to the side. On cue, a cluster of ice crystals briefly forms around her arm, vanishing with a shattering noise when she bends it.
"I can still do it," she states the obvious. "It kind of feels like... doing what I did helped me remember something I could always do. It feels a bit different than the way using Fire feels, but I do sort of feel like I 'know Ice' now. I guess that could be temporary, but..."
Now it's time for that explanation, which has Xantia visibly feeling uncomfortable. "...It's something I know I can do. Drain magic out of things. But so thoroughly... I never drained everything out of something before. The claw just... fell apart. Like I drained what held it together out right along with it."
She looks at her open hand, holding it by the wrist. "...Just now, when I was considering what I could do... I couldn't help but think about what happen if it'd been a person."
She looks a bit shocked at her own words, shaking her head. "I don't mean that I would, normally, it's just... I know I could, which means I can't say I won't." Just one more reason why she needs to be worried about losing control.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
"Hm. Just noticing. You know me; Ether manifestation is very interesting to me regardless." Maybe the usual would be enough... but maybe not. Lily doesn't press on the matter for the moment. And then--Well. Xantia does away with the initial theory Lily had pretty conclusively!
"Interesting," she says. "Well, Fire and Ice were always linked to me. I know it's different for you. But that's a handy capability." Draining magic... Yes, Lily knows that much. She remembers it. "No, I doubt it; if it's lasted this long, and you experience it in that way, you can probably just do it now. I only assumed it was temporary because there's only so much energy in the claw. Or was."
Xantia... looks uncomfortable. Hm. "...They would certainly have died," Lily confirms. "I could be wrong--but it would if nothing else be a very dangerous thing to do to a person. ...And one day you might have to. It might be necessary against someone like Ashtoreth."
She looks very serious. "...But you're right, I think. You should maintain control, so if you ever do it, it's your choice. You don't want to do something you'd regret while you can't control yourself."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Well, Lily certainly doesn't sugarcoat matters. Not a big surprise of course. In a way, it may have been what Xantia wanted to hear. All the more reason to make absolutely sure nothing bad happens on accident. And to be prepared, should there indeed be a moment where she feels that she has to go that far. She nods, gravely, in understanding.
Then, almost unnaturally quick, her disposition changes, and her bright smile returns. "I should probably stick with the simpler things as much as possible, that does feel more 'me'. Never thought I'd feel that way about Ice though, I wanted to be cold as little as possible. Guess I should've known it wouldn't be like that, it's not like setting myself on fire burns me, right?"
Yeah, she's definitely still not really comfortable. She's trying, but the overt attempt to take her mind in a different direction is not entirely working. Quite unexpectedly, this causes a different sort of frustration to surface, with a facepalm from Xantia.
"This is the usual thing again, isn't it? Ever since I realized it, I can't help but think about it every time - I only ever seem to talk to my friends when there's something worrisome going on." She turns to Lily, with the same amount of graveness as before, but now regarding a completely different matter.
"Lily, do you ever do anything just for fun?"
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily doesn't! She thinks Xantia will appreciate the directness and the honesty more than sparing her feelings, and she figures she's probably right about that. ...But the situation changes almost quickly enough to give Lily whiplash, if she didn't know Xantia as well.
"Ha. Yes, that does suit you." Ice... "Well, it's a natural counterpoint to fire, I think. And that's true--and pretty lucky."
She is trying. But frustration... Hmmm.
"Yeah. We do seem to end up talking most of the time when something's wrong, don't we?" The question is turned on her though, and Lily blinks. "Well.."
She laughs a little. "Not as much as I should, probably. But sometimes. I like tinkering at machines. I still try to seek out old ration types."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia rubs the back of her head. She can't decide whether she would've preferred Lily to say no to that question or not. This whole thing feels really awkward, just by knowing it's about something that's, apparently, decidedly not normal for people.
"I... I see. I guess the problem is, I don't really have any hobbies. But I also don't know why I need them? I'm not sure I even understand doing things for no reason other than 'fun'. It's more like in reverse for me, I do things that feel important and find a way to have fun doing them, if possible. I thought that was fine, but... I think there's some social aspects that I'm missing?"
Xantia using the phrase 'social aspects' makes it clear that this is something that's come up in conversation. That's not something she'd normally be worried about. Now, though...
"Am I missing something by not doing things 'just for fun'? Is that weird? And... do you mind? Suddenly I feel like I need to worry about having done something bad to pretty much all my friends, and I don't understand why. Was fun always this complicated?"
...now she's overthinking it.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
"I think that's fine. If the things you 'need' to do are things you enjoy doing anyway, then you don't really need much else. The idea of hobbies is to have something you can do to relax, recharge... but if you're already getting charged up with your duties, then that's fine."
She considers. "I guess there's a social aspect; people meet each other doing hobbies, and talk about them. But most of what I'm interested in is pretty solitary, so I don't know too much about that."
"I don't think you're missing something important. You're you, not someone else. You don't have to live like other people." She pauses, then--and shakes her head. "No, I don't mind at all."
"...Fun's complicated," she agrees. "But that's sort of the problem. The more you think about it, the harder it gets."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia's starting to see just how complicated this sort of thing really is, since Lily's opinion is entirely different from the other opinion she heard. It's not helping her figure out this riddle she didn't know even existed until recently. But the real bombshell comes right at the end, that one causes her to recoil a little.
"Wha? Thinking about things can makes them harder to understand? That's not how thinking is supposed to work! Is it?"
She massages her temples, starting to realize, "Maybe I worry too much about the differences between how I do things and how others do things." She is at least sure about what makes her that way, and can articulate that now. "I just... don't want to do anything wrong, you know? Not even by accident. I worry about not knowing these things."
She crosses her arms, looking a little annoyed. "See, what'd I tell you, we're back here again, at the worrisome things. Even if you don't mind, there's gotta be something else I can talk to you about." She raises a finger, cautioning, "No, don't tell me, I'm gonna figure this out. Just wait, I'll surprise you one day with what I came up with."
All things considered, that's probably a pretty safe bet.