2022-05-05: Torn Reality
- Log: Torn Reality
- Cast: Xantia, Lily Keil, Xenia
- Where: Guara Bobelo - The Drag
- Date: May 05, 2022
- Summary: Xantia is venting recent frustrations and concerns to Lily, when she suddenly rushes off to confront an observing Xenia. Predictably, a struggle ensues. The outcome... is far less predictable.
========================<* Guara Bobelo - The Drag *>========================= Guara Bobelo sits beneath a massive dome, a Zeboim-era structure meant to ward off artillery. Deployed during the most desperate days of the war, it now shrouds the city in eternal night--not even the false stars on its underside can break up the gloom. Once home to the grand Cathedral of Saint Calucion, Guara Bobelo is now a haven for rogues from all across Southern Aquvy. Much of the city is a single, massive slum, a dirty, darkened maze of hastily-constructed tenements. Guara Bobelo's main street runs from north to south, circling the remains of the Cathedral along the way. Known colloquially as the Drag, it's lined on either side by shady bars, rickety storefronts, and old stone buildings repurposed as flophouses and gambling halls. Hawkers sell food, drink, and knickknacks from push-carts, much of it dubious in quality. Even here, in the "better" part of town, desperation and despair seem to permeate the atmosphere. Guara Bobelo doesn't get tourists so much as fresh meat. BGM: Wild Arms 4 - Nightless City, Guara Bobelo <Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Guara Bobelo's shady district known has The Drag has never been an entirely... intact-looking place. But as those who were there the night of Solaris's invasion well know, there's a reason why it's slightly more dilapidated than usual. Only slightly, thanks to the residents pulling together in a show of sudden camaraderie to aid with rebuilding efforts. Xantia had a hand in that herself, though she's hardly one to take any credit for it.
It is here that she asked Lily to come through the Memory Cube, letting her know about an unpleasant encounter she had and wanted to talk about it. She didn't go into any details in her message, but she did mention who that encounter was with: Loren Voss.
Upon Lily's arrival, she clarified that she'd actually been the one to approach him. This happened following a conversation with Lan Lilac in which she'd learned that Loren, too, had amnesia for a while, but managed to recover from it. For reasons that are likely obvious, she couldn't help but feel that she needed to hear more about that.
It didn't go as well as she'd hoped, which soon becomes clear as she relates this story to Lily while the pair strolls down a quieter route parallel to the busier main street.
"He figured out that I was asking him questions because he got his memory back and I wanted to know what it's like. That I was worried the person I am now would disappear. Then he got mean about it. He said the other person can't exist as long as he remembers who he is, so where it comes to my situation he was all," Here she shakes her head and lets out a short laugh, adopting a different posture and lowering her voice a little. "...Doesn't look good, though."
It's not a bad Loren impression. It's natural to feel like she just got a bit more punchable for a second there.
Xantia crosses her arms after, getting miffed all over again just by relating this tale. "I don't know what I was expecting, trying to talk to a Solarian. You can just feel them looking down on you at all times, like they're just... looking at dirt. Then first chance they get, they exploit your vulnerable side. Doesn't even matter that you've got them in an even more vulnerable position, they just can't help themselves. Just a -Lamb- who needs to be kept controlled. Why would they ever tell me anything helpful, when they can crush my spirits instead?"
She sighs deeply. Unsurprisingly, anger overshadowed most of her other emotions while she was ranting, but equally unsurprisingly - and more clearly at this point - she is also worried. Turning her head to face Lily, it shouldn't be hard to guess what she's going bring up next. "...But what if he's right? I know this is just what he wants, but... I can't put it out of my mind. What if I really don't have a choice, and getting my memory back really does mean that who I am now disappears? I don't want that... but I don't want to stay unsure like this forever, either. What do I do...?"
Xantia isn't usually one for rhetorical questions, but this is especially not one of those. The way she looks at Lily, she's virtually begging for an answer, any answer, to make her future not feel as dismal as it feels now.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily Keil is not entirely thrilled about being seen in Guaro Bobelo herself, considering what happened the last time she was here. But this is where Xantia wanted to meet, so Lily put on a cloak and went to. It was important, after all: encounters with Loren Voss are almost never... good.
"That sounds like him," Lily says with a shake of her head. "...And not a bad impression. I almost wanted to punch you there." She tries to bring some levity to the moment, though whether she succeeds or not is hard to say. Only Xantia will know for sure.
"...Even as Solarians go," Lily says, "Voss is an asshole. I think you're giving him too much credit saying what he 'wants' out of you though. He's not a manipulator, not some grand schemer, just a petty man who likes to lash out when things don't go his way."
Lily knows this particular responsibility--the worry Xantia has as she looks to Lily. And Lily is not going to leave her friend hanging. So she considers, for a few moments, and then looks back to Xantia. "...So, this is going to take me a minute to explain. Try to stay with me."
Pause. "...Are you the same person today you were a year ago? ...A month ago? Before you learned this? Am I the same person I was, when we met?"
"It's not as simple as a 'self' just appearing or disappearing. We change, bit by bit, with every moment. Maybe you'll have a good reason, when you have your memory back, to act differently than you would now. But it won't be because you're some 'different person'."
"...You're never going to be exactly the same person you were before you lost your memory. You've had new experiences since then, seen new things, met new people. That'll leave its mark. Short of some kind of mind control situation, you'll still be making your own choices."
"The 'you' of tomorrow was never going to be the same as the 'you' of yesterday. That uncertainty... That's just life, for people who have their memories and for people who don't. You probably will change, when you get your memory back. That's the point, isn't it? You won't have that uncertainty anymore, the same uncertainty you have now."
"The 'you' of right now won't disappear, though. She'll just... become the 'you' of tomorrow, memory or no memory. Just like the rest of us. A person isn't just some nebulous 'thing'; we're made up of all we do and all we are. You're just... seeking to add something you're currently missing. Not taking away anything except your doubts."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia sure didn't see any reason why Lily might be uncomfortable around here. As far as she's concerned, they were both obviously helping the city when it needed it most. And the people were nice to her, so they'd have to be just as nice to Lily! That's Xantia Logic for you. It makes sense, if you're Xantia.
She chuckles at the compliment of her Loren impression, doing well enough to evoke the same feeling he gives her. It only takes her mind off things for a few seconds, though. This all seriously bothers her, regardless of whether or not it was something that Loren purposely set out to do.
As such, she is all ears, nodding eagerly in a silent promise to listen attentively to every bit of advice Lily might have for her. It's not exactly the simplest subject matter. But as she listens, her expression loses its desperation and turns more pensive. She's thinking this over carefully. About what it means to change. How becoming a different person may not be a bad thing. How it could simply add to her current self, rather than entirely supplant it.
"I... when he said it like that, it felt like a full replacement, but... I guess he didn't have as many new memories by then as I do now. Maybe it just felt like that to him, but it wasn't really true." She frowns, shaking her head. "Bah, why am I still trying to make sense of anything he said?"
She's smiling by the time she looks to Lily again. "...Thank you. I think I understand, that made a lot of sense. I... guess you've probably thought about this stuff a lot, huh?" Similar concerns about a similar sort of situation. Not something Xantia was consciously thinking about when she asked to talk, but in hindsight, Lily was definitely the right person to ask.
She takes a breath, and casts her eyes to the sky, concluding, "So... we kill ourselves to form new identities all the time." If that didn't sound like something she'd say, it's because she's quoting somebody else. Her smile pretty much says it already before she confirms, "Id told me that once. Maybe what you just told me is what he meant by that. Always the same, can't ever just say things directly in a way that makes sense. ...But it's true. I have changed a lot, when I think back to how I used to be I barely recognize myself. It's weird, thinking about these previous 'me's. Feels like I've been through a lot, even though I can't remember it all. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you. But..."
Xantia trails off, suddenly stopping dead in her tracks, wide-eyed as if she just thought of something. She abruptly turns to Lily. "Sorry, I was talking so much, I passed right by something I wanted to check out. I'll just run back real quick, could you wait here for a bit? Won't be long!"
There was nothing wrong about the way she said any of that, sounds like same ol' Xantia. Most others might not have given it a second thought. But Lily... Lily is in the position to tell that something is very wrong. When Xantia stopped just now, her emotions went haywire. She didn't just realize some minor thing, something surprised her to an extreme degree, too extreme for there not to be more to it than what she said. And even though she spoke calmly and cheerfully, this is an act - much like a moment ago, she's actually very worried and angry about something.
Xantia is normally 100% honest about her emotions. Moreover, she should know that there's no point in pretending around Lily. Something must be up.
But whatever that something may be, no opening is left to ask. Xantia darts off immediately, back in the direction the two came from. What to do...?
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Xantia logic...
"Who knows, with him? I could speculate, but..." She shrugs. She isn't that interested in psychoanalyzing Loren Voss. And Xantia seems willing to move on from it, too. The matter of thinking about it though--"Yeah," Lily says. "I wonder a lot about things like that."
But Id... "Sounds like him," Lily admits of Id. "...Probably; it's the same kind of idea."
She might start to talk more about it--but suddenly Xantia is... definitely something is wrong. Lily blinks at her. "Hold on--" But she's gone. Now, on the one hand, Lily would ordinarily be inclined to give Xantia her space if she'd just asked for it...
But she only sort of did. Something was up. Something is up.
"...Hey, Xantia--"
Lily starts off after her.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Did it slip Xantia's mind that Lily could tell something more is going on? Or was she counting on it? Or is there some reason why that doesn't matter right now? One can only guess. The only thing that's for sure is that Xantia isn't making it easy to keep up with her. She makes the most of her brief lead and keeps running at high speed. In doing so, she manages to slip out of sight through the twisting maze formed by the slums of The Drag, but once again, that doesn't stop Lily. Xantia's emotions continue to point the way to her, loud and clear.
A line of sight hasn't yet been reestablished when the first definitive confirmation of trouble rings out. The sound of a solid impact, and a brief struggle before Xantia can be clearly heard shouting, "Stop! Xenia!"
BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhApkAtsDks
The chase isn't over yet. When Lily catches sight of Xantia again, she is rushing full speed on the road leading out of the city. Ahead of her a blue light, which seems to vanish suddenly. Xantia isn't stopping for anything. She's heading straight for the light's last position - where someone has stopped, seemingly decided on a confrontation, rather than fleeing. It's Xenia alright, sporting a confident grin, unconcerned about a furious Xantia barreling straight for her, fist drawn back and ready to strike.
Conflict is unavoidable.
Xenia evades Xantia's strike with childish ease, seemingly vanishing and reappearing some distance further away. She doesn't retaliate, just opening her mouth in what might have been a taunt, if Xantia hadn't immediately resumed her charge. Xenia can be seen frowning, but her bearing doesn't suggest any sort of concern.
What happens next does so in the blink of an eye. Xenia once again evades Xantia easily, this time reappearing to face Xantia's exposed flank, now well out of reach. Yet in the very same instant this happens, Xantia turns to face Xenia's new position, trailing afterimages as she immediately closes the newly created distance.
It all happens so quickly that there isn't even any time to see Xenia's shocked expression. Nobody could have expected that Xantia would be able to react to the change in position that quickly. It should not be possible, unless she somehow managed to predict where Xenia would be in advance. Is this something only a twin can do...?
There's no time to consider such matters. Xantia's follow-up strike catches Xenia directly in the stomach, sending her flying backwards until painfully crashing into a rock.
Something cracks upon impact. It was the rock. As for Xenia...
There's a single cough, before the blue-haired woman gets back to her feet. With shocking ease, considering the force of the blow she just took. The fact that she's smiling doesn't bode well.
"Not bad. But you're not going to beat me with pure strength alone."
Xantia's only response is to charge in once more. But this time, she abruptly stops dead in her tracks, falling to her knees in evident pain. A smirking Xenia can now be seen holding holding something in her right hand, a device of some sort.
"That's the last time you'll ever touch me. You can't do anything to me as long as I have this."
During this brief but violent altercation, Xenia's attention was likely fully focused on Xantia by necessity. If she's noticed Lily at all, she's shown no sign of it. There may be a brief window of opportunity to take her by surprise...
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily is trained in tracking people down. Following a friend whose Ether she can sense is hardly the hardest thing she's done. Nevertheless, she can't afford to slow down or think hard about it, because Xantia will get away that way. So Lily pushes through people, taking off at a dead run herself as she does, and then--
"Damn!" That name. Lily is still recovering from the other day--...but on the other hand...
All that excess magic might be something she can put to good use here.
Xenia and Xantia clash, and Lily watches. Of course she evades to start--but Lily is not blinking as she watches what happens next. The afterimages sear into her mind, fast enough that it is only her magical senses that can understand what is going on, not the physical--not those bound by terrestrial means. Xantia strikes in a hit--and for a moment, it looks as if Xantia will do it after all. Right up until...
There. Something in her hands.
A control device? Lily can't be sure. But she will only have one chance at this. The possibilities come to mind immediately, discarded as quickly; the calculations on the force necessary to hold Xenia in place if she can, the inevitability of her greater speed coming into play. ...The fact that...
The fact that if they fight here a lot of people will die. Is it possible that the spell she's devised could neutralize Xenia's advantages? Maybe. But not now. Not here. Instead--
Lily reaches out her hand, already melting into the shadows, liquid darkness suffusing her form. It is easy to let the reactors move online, to channel limitless Ether, almost too easy as recently as she's done it before. And instead of attacking Xenia--
The air cracks as if sundered... because it is. With a deafening roar, the space between Xantia and Xenia shatters. Radio, Ether, air, light; all are cut off abruptly in something like a circle around Lily and Xenia, and while it is likely that Xenia can figure out a way to escape, Lily speaks up before she might have the chance--
"You'll notice I didn't aim for your back, and that I didn't bring her with us."
The space around them has expanded; where once there was a nearby cityscape, now there is simply room in all directions, the ground featureless and stretched-out as if badly mishandled. It is neither pretty nor natural. But it probably broke the connection between Xantia and the device, for a moment.
"It'll probably take her at least a minute to figure out what the hell I just did. Why don't we talk?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia is past the point of watching for Lily, if that's indeed something she was doing at all. Xenia's attention likewise seemed to be otherwise occupied - and even if it wasn't, Lily's method of approach makes it a moot point. They only notice something's Very Wrong is when what is effectively a tear in reality itself opens up, forcing the twins apart in a way that completely breaks the laws of physics.
Xantia, stuck on the outside of this singularity, abruptly falls forward when released from whatever it was that had a hold over her. She however only manages to breathe out, and softly mumble, "Lily... don't..." She then passes out, unable to clarify exactly what she didn't want Lily to do. Which may also be moot considering she's likely not audible to begin with.
As for Xenia... her look of surprise at what just happened may be the closest thing to fear that anyone's ever seen her display. This is unlike anything she's ever seen, but it sure feels like an exceptionally bad situation for her to be in. Knowing Xenia, it's quite probable that when put in a situation like this, her first instinct will be to try to escape, or otherwise leverage the biggest advantage she has, that of speed.
Lily's words seem to make her reconsider, at first simply staring in a 'what are you after' kind of way, until this is also clarified. Talk, huh? There's that vague grin that Xenia is most known for. Looks like she's on board with this. Talking is something she can do.
"Well, well. You're full of surprises, aren't you, Lily Keil. Here I thought I had you all figured out, and you managed to do something I didn't expect. I thought for sure you'd go straight for this."
She wiggles the device in her hand. Well, presumably it's a device. It just looks like a featureless slab of dark metal, vaguely rectangular, with no obvious means of operation.
"This is good, though. We're completely cut off from everything. Nobody will ever know what went on in here."
With that, a rush of blue flames bursts forth from Xenia's right hand, prompting a loud -pop- from the object she holds there. Which she then unceremoniously drops to the 'ground', such as it is. The metal rapidly melts into a thick goop, soon turning completely black, then disintegrating completely. Xenia blows on her hand, theatrically wiping it off.
"Works for me," she adds, placing the hand on her hip. "So? Anything in particular you wanted to talk about? I do have a few things to get off my chest, if you're not too tired from listening to Xantia going on and on like that."
It's a roundabout way of saying that she'd been spying on the two of them. Which, it would seem, Xantia managed to catch onto. Somehow. Xenia wasn't exuding any Ether until she used it to run, and her emotional presence is a complete void, so it couldn't have been through either of those.
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Is it a fear for Lily's safety? Or a fear for something Lily might do, aside from getting hurt? Lily doesn't know, and she's past simply doing as Xantia prefers in this matter. If they want to find the 'truth', if they want to protect Xantia while also letting her find her memories... They're going to have to find a way. And they can't do that without more information.
Speed is a great advantage; Xenia is simply far faster than Lily. But in the moment the breaking of space means there's nowhere to go but the endless expanse between this place and the next. She might be able to cross it, or she might be able to just stay away from Lily long enough that the effect wears off to make it as good as the same. But...
As it turns out, testing it is unnecessary for the moment. Lily is reasonably certain she can undo it, but she doesn't yet. ...Even if Xenia's willing to talk, Xantia wouldn't want her to talk to her. So that means...
"I figured coming up with something new was my only shot with you. You already know all my other tricks, apparently." Lily notices that not-quite-fear--but Xenia has a chance to see Lily surprised, too, when she does away with the object. That alone would be better than they had before they came here.
"...That's right," Lily says, looking at the goop, then Xenia's hand, then Xenia's face again. "I destroyed the binding between us and the space around us. There should be nothing that can 'see' into this place until that connection is restored."
Works for her. Lily doesn't relax--she's not the type--but she does accept to her surprise that she might get what she was after, and more. Since Xenia volunteers some information and is willing to volunteer more...
"So far as I know," Lily says, "You already know my story. But I don't really know yours. So by all means, go for it."
How did Xantia notice her? ...Is it the same way Xenia was able to spy on them...?
"...I tend to prefer to let other people do the talking anyway."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xenia certainly doesn't seem interested in attempting an escape right this moment. But as relaxed as she looks, she is a perfect foil for the advantage that Lily normally has. It's impossible to tell how she feels. And she's the complete opposite of Xantia, in the sense that the way she acts says absolutely nothing about her true feelings.
"Well played, solid deduction," she compliments(?) Lily's actions. No obviously sarcastic tone, but it's hard to tell how genuine most of the things she says are. It's no easier when she repeats it not long after, when Lily posits that Xenia already knows all there is to know about her. "Right again, very good. Don't really need to hear anything more about you, unless you're willing to share what other fancy tricks you've got up your sleeve."
She finally shows a different expression than 'relaxed smugness' when asked to tell her story, one of mild aggravation. "My story, huh. Couldn't tell you. I literally can't. Can't tell you the reason either. Sound familiar?"
It should. Xantia's mentioned that when she was losing control of herself during the weeks before the incident in Dazil, she found herself unable to tell anybody about the warning signs she was noticing. There may have been some suspicion already that Xenia is unable to say everything she'd like to, but now there's confirmation. There's a moment of silence after, Xenia crossing her arms as she looks to be trying to piece together what she can say.
"What I can tell you is that I have no choice. Never had. But believe it not, it's all for a good cause." She looks briefly surprised. Perhaps even she wasn't expecting that she could actually voice what that cause is.
"To save Filgaia."
She smiles her smug smile, perhaps feeling emboldened by this. "That's right, how do you like that? Even if I have no choice, at least what I'm doing will make a difference. What plans do YOU have for saving this world? Are you working towards a concrete solution? Do you have a timetable? No, of course not. The best any of you can offer this world is shared suffering. What good does that do anyone?"
She's on a roll now, comfortable enough to start pacing through the void a little as she continues. "You people haven't even started to tackle this planet's real problems. If this is the best you can do, your lives make as little difference as those who don't have the power to do anything but hope for the best. At least someone has an idea. Won't save everybody, but it doesn't need to."
She stops pacing, putting both hands on her hips. "You understand, don't you Lily? There's no winners in this world. Only sacrifices, to make everyone else feel like a winner by comparison. Sacrifices will be made, no matter what you do. You can't save everybody. Prevent one sacrifice, and another will take their place. The best you can do is to just let the sacrifices happen. Draw too much attention to yourself, and the next sacrifice might be you."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily has grown accustomed to that special sense of hers; it is different, not to have it. ...She got by most of her life without it, but all the same it's noticeable, and she would be willing to use any advantage she could find against Xenia, as a rule. But she doesn't have that one, so she'll have to use what she can get.
Genuine or not, the statement is what it is. "Not so much," Lily says of sharing her other fancy tricks, of which she does have a few. ...But the amount of magic this one required makes it unlikely she's going to try those just now. It's almost enough to use up the surplus all at once.
"Yeah," Lily says. "Sounds familiar." Literally can't tell her, and Lily can't skim it out of her mind; even if Xenia weren't a void, Lily's just not a powerful enough telepath to try. Not like Riesenlied might be able. But what she can say...
"Hm." No choice. That tracks with what Lily knows so far; Xenia does not act like someone given much choice in what she is doing. And that surprise--Lily doesn't look surprised at that, weirdly enough. Maybe, after all, she is thinking of that time Xantia started destroying Hyadeans in the Photosphere...
"Sounds like you still aren't thrilled about it," Lily points out to Xenia of what she's doing, the difference she might make. But only after Xenia finishes. Only after she mentions what the world is 'like'.
For her part, Lily doesn't move. She really doesn't move; she's already half-shadow, except for a shine of prismatic light in her eyes; she might not even be breathing. It's hard to tell.
"...I understand that's the position you're in," Lily settles on. "And that sacrifices are the way of the world. I won't argue that much. ...Nor will I claim I have a plan to fix the planet's problems, other than killing the next thing that tries to destroy it, and the next thing after that."
"...If not for Xantia, I wouldn't really have any reason to oppose whatever your master's plan is. And it probably is to 'save Filgaia' in a way. That's why her programming sets her to destroy 'enemies of Filgaia', isn't it? Like at the Photosphere. Like when she fights Solaris. ...If she regains her memories, her programming will kick in full-time, and she'll be unable to do anything but fulfill her mission. Is that right?"
"...Not sure you can tell me either way," Lily admits. "Regardless..."
"I'm willing to take the risk of being the nail that sticks up, that someone'll try to make me the next sacrifice, if it protects the people I care about. It wouldn't be the first time, and it probably won't be the last."
"...But anything can break. Anything can be destroyed. ...Do you really want her to stay in this halfway state forever? Unable to move on, but unable to be free, just in hopes that she won't be the next sacrifice?"
"By all means, tell me I'm off-base. But you know I won't be able to convince her to back off on this. Nobody can tell her anything if it goes against what she feels she 'has' to do. So I'd rather find the underlying problem, and tackle that."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xenia actually does like to talk, or so it seems, providing that it's something she can talk about to begin with. And while the way she talks generally isn't very friendly, it does at least appear genuine. And in doing so, indications of her emotional state do slip into her bearing and expressions. She at the very least was very confident in her words just now.
It only takes Lily saying that she still doesn't sound thrilled for her to visibly lose some of that confidence. Looks like that was on the money. For all her posturing, hiding things between the lines is something she could stand to be better at.
"...Hard to be thrilled about anything you have no choice in. Just have to do what I can to try and have fun with it, in whatever way I can. It is what it is."
So she claims, anyway. It's hard to say for sure whether she's actually that resigned. She does peer at Lily's form with overt curiosity, but doesn't comment on it either way.
When asked to confirm Xantia's situation, Xenia doesn't bother to hide the way she feels, sounding pretty annoyed in her counter-question, "What do you think?" Yeah, not much she's going to confirm there, if she's capable. And she only looks more annoyed by the talk regarding Xantia, though she waits to comment until Lily's done talking.
"Guess I had you figured wrong, too," she starts, shaking her head. "I don't know how I keep making this mistake. At least you're different than that doctor." She quickly corrects, "Other doctor. Or that robot. All that matters to them is logic." She says that word as if it's something filthy. "Logic. What a bother. I made everything so simple, even a child could understand it. Yet here they are insisting on making this some puzzle to be figured out, making things more complicated than they really are."
She points to Lily. "But you. You're not like that. You're capable of using logic, of course. But you don't waste your time on it when it's not necessary. You prefer to act. Where others would hesitate, you're always prepared to do whatever it is that must be done. Even if that makes you a target. I got that much. Here's what I don't get."
She gestures more emphatically to punctuate her next words. "Why are you so convinced you know what's best for Xantia? You're talking just like she does, like this 'halfway state' is something terrible. She doesn't know how good she has it! She doesn't even try to accept her situation, and nobody is doing anything to make her see reason! Isn't that what friends are supposed to do, keep friends from making bad decisions? That's what Xantia keeps saying, why won't you do it for her? You sounded like you believe me, why won't you act like it? All I hear from you people is that it's impossible to convince her - Xantia also keeps saying that nothing is impossible as long as you don't give up! Are you going to listen to her or not, which is it?" She places a hand on her forehead, and shakes her head before continuing.
"...Look. Here's the simple facts. I don't need anyone's trust. I only need one thing, support in the matter of dealing with Xantia. I think I've made this abundantly clear. In such a scenario, there's no reason for me to tell lies, or be dishonest in any way." She places a hand on her chest. "I'm just me. What you see is what you get. There's going to be things about me you don't understand. You don't need to. You only need to consider what you've seen so far. Of me and Xantia both. Keep emotions out of it, don't try to analyze, just take everything at face value. Then ask yourself - what do you truly believe should be done in regards to Xantia?"
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
Lily was trained in reading people even before she gained that particular power, but she doesn't think it's her skill that made that one obvious. She doesn't press on the matter, though, aside from saying as much as she does. "That makes sense," she says, of making the best of it. Whether she believes Xenia or not is another matter, but it is at least a statement that makes sense on its face.
...As much as she likes talking about strange Ether, though, Xantia is her biggest concern here, so she does not explain her form or the nature of what she is at the moment. If Xenia has any knack for nanomachines though, Lily is using a lot of them right now, just standing here. The Ether is practically self-sustaining.
...She's not sure Xenia would confirm for her even if she could. She doubts it. But it's valuable--to let Xenia know what she knows, and see how she reacts to that knowledge. Figured wrong or right, though...
She nods, at Xenia's assessment. It's accurate enough; she has nothing against it. But what she doesn't get is... This. And hm. If she looks at Lily, Xenia will see--it's not hard to imagine that she's considering the matter. Xenia has invited her to think about it, and so she does. She can't exactly not analyze, but she can take the facts as she understands them now, and indeed, does so. She weighs the sides, considers the outcomes. It is all very... computational, very simple. Don't introduce unknown variables; reduce, and find the remnant. So what remains...
Hm." She looks over Xenia again. "...If I think about it purely emotionlessly, based only on the outcomes--then yes, what you say makes sense. If Xantia gets her wish, she loses control of her own life." 'More complicated than it really is', is it? "If she regains her memory, she's trapped. I have no reason to doubt what you've said about that. So the emotionless answer is that to continue to live the life she has now, she can't regain her memories. Her fear, then, is accurate; she will 'lose' the self she has now, just as she was afraid of."
"...Furthermore, if she's reduced to that programming, she'll almost certainly target other people I care about, who are arguably threats to Filgaia by some standards. Even leaving aside Fei himself, there are others."
"I am less... optimistic, than Xantia. I said anything could be destroyed. I don't think that means anything is possible." She pauses. "...The rational answer is harm reduction. We can let her live the life she wants to live for as long as we can, or we can pre-emptively contain her against the danger she poses to others." Lily shakes her head. "...They want it to be a puzzle to figure out because they want a solution that leaves everyone happy. They're problem solvers. They don't believe in no-win scenarios. When you look at it this way, there are no winners. ...Amputate the infected leg, to save the patient. Kill her dream, to keep her alive. That's what my medical training tells me the play is."
Lily's strange prismatic eyes stay on Xenia. "...But even that is still a risk. She could get her memory back unless she's put into some kind of suspended animation. It's a temporary solution. It just buys her time."
"...Granted, that's true of any life-saving procedure, if you think about it. People don't generally live forever."
"...But if I did that," Lily says, "If I agreed to betray her in order to save her, you'd have no reason to trust me. No one would. I guess it was a cop-out, to say I couldn't convince her if I wanted to. If I really wanted to, I probably could. I'd have to trick her, of course. Or force it. But I could do it."
"...So no. The truth then, is..."
Lily lowers her hands. "...You realize she knows already this could destroy her, and she still wants it. Maybe if I were a better friend I could do as you ask. ...But I'd rather avenge her later than stab her in the back now."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Sure enough, Xenia only stares, and doesn't comment on Lily's condition one way or another. It's very possible that this is an observational study of some sort, but who can say to what degree Xenia understands what she's seeing, as long as she herself isn't talking.
She at the very least appears pleased by Lily's initial conclusion, nodding in agreement on the matter of Xantia losing herself. "Unlike Xantia, I can appreciate the irony of you trying to convince her of the exact opposite just a moment ago. Not that I'm saying that was a bad decision."
She lets out a chuckle on the matter of targets. "I wouldn't worry about Fei, not to start with at least. I'd keep an eye on Riesenlied if I were you. That girl has 'easy target' written all over her, as long as she doesn't know what's going on yet. Makes sense to take her out first, before she becomes the big problem you and I both know she can become."
She falls quiet after that, turning to simply listening. She does nod her head at 'there are no winners'. That's what she's been saying, after all. No matter how you slice it, the best possible compromise is always the correct answer. Hope for anything more is idealism, and while Xantia has plenty of that, Xenia clearly does not.
She places a hand on her chin, listening with apparent calm to Lily's conclusions. It's more than usually happens. More commonly, like just earlier, she flies off the handle in the face of opposing viewpoints on things she feels strongly about. Now, however... she's still calm by the time she begins to respond.
"Well, you're not wrong. Anything we could do is likely temporary. And that's all that it was about, at the start. I just needed more time. But it's too late now. If you'd just listened to me from the start..." She shakes her head. Not going to go down that road again, when it no longer matters.
"...Only drastic measures will help now. I'm not sure I could ever fully understand why you won't be taking them. Just like you could never fully understand why I'm so insistent. Guess we're at an impasse." She shrugs.
Xenia takes a moment to consider something, then gives Lily a very serious look, and a tone of voice to match. "Then, here's a final warning for you. The next time Xantia and I meet, it'll be the beginning of the end. That's when everything will start to change, and there'll be no turning back. If you're at all interested in what little temporary measures we can still avail us to... keep her away from me."
With that, she resumes her normal, more casual bearing. "That's all I have to say. Are you about ready to wrap this up? I have places to be, and I'd rather not see what happens if I try to force my way out of here. Don't worry about Xantia. She put up a good fight, but she's still gonna be out for a few hours, she won't get in the way."
<Pose Tracker> Lily Keil has posed.
It's possible that Xenia understands more about what's going on with Lily's body in the moment than Lily does. She can't really say; she needed to draw on the extra power in order to have this space to talk, though. And talk they... do seem to be doing.
"She wouldn't appreciate it much," Lily agrees, though she actually does look to appreciate Xenia's ironic sensibility enough. She isn't talking like she's angry with her, anyway. Maybe that's the concentration.... But probably not.
Fei does make her wonder. But she nods along with the logic; after all, Lily has the same idea about Riesenlied being smarter to target first, even if she has no intention of harming her friend. It's just wise to understand the tactical considerations. "I'll keep it in mind," she says.
Calm... Yes, that is surprising. Lily is surprised by it--but it cements for her something in the moment. Xenia has no particular reason to maintain a facade at this point. So when she answers...
If they'd listened to her from the start--if, if. They didn't, so it doesn't matter. She doesn't try to go down that road, either. Instead she simply answers, "Looks like." Lily does not try to further explain why she doesn't; she's not sure she could if she tried, any further than she already has. And she certainly doesn't understand Xenia's insistence. So a final warning...
"I"ll remember that," Lily answers after a moment, inclining her head. She at least sounds like she means it. "...Next time, then."
Xenia has places to be. "I'd rather not either," Lily admits at the matter of forcing this space out. "But yeah, that's good enough for me. Just give me a moment--this'll be... noisy." Lily breathes in, and unbends the space, causing the world beyond to rush back into place in an instant, the ground normal again, the air whole, save for a clap of thunder that resounds for some distance.
...She was reasonably sure she could do that.
"...I'll take care of her, in the meantime."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
And that... would seem to be that. Xenia can't keep from looking on with some concern at the collapse of the anomaly around her, but as soon as it does... she is no longer there, already a streak of blue light rapidly disappearing into the distance. Clearly not a fan of long goodbyes.
Though Xenia showed little concern either way, Xantia is indeed found collapsed in a heap where she was crouched before Lily's intervention, breathing regularly. Not the weirdest position she's ever fallen asleep in - but no amount of jostling will wake her up from this one. Like Xenia said, this one just has to be waited out. If nothing else, at least that claim was verifiably true.