2019-02-10: Uwa!
- Log: Uwa!
- Cast: Riesenlied, Lydia Seren
- Where: The Fereshte
- Date: 10th February 2019
- Summary: Riesenlied and Lydia talk about some uwaaa topics. uwa...
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied has been rather busy in the last couple of days, between taking the time to spend time with Fei and Elly's new daughter (uwa!) and also taking the time to nearly get killed facing a giant Amalgam of Wellions near Krosse that's left her feeling...
Well...(ion)
She's back with a fresh wheelchair as she sits on the deck of the Fereshte again. She's gotten a couple destroyed at this point, which is probably not a good track record.
... she's not usually holding her sword in hand and staring at it mournfully, though. Oh no don't hurt yourself with sword, mom!!
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
(uwa!)
That's actually a good expression for how Lydia is feeling. While she hasn't exactly spent any time with Emeralda herself, she has certainly noticed the appearance of a new green haired kid playing around with Mikaia and Janey and Riesenlied's interest on top of that and mphhh mhphhhh!! It's frustrating, because nobody wants to be jealous of an eight year old. Or an eight thousand year old. Whatever!! She's made the decision to check in on Riesenlied when she gets back from her trip to Krosse and maybe ask about the new kid's deal and so when she hears she's back and sitting on the deck of the Fereshte, she marches right up and--
(uwa!!)
She's staring at a sword! That's not a good sign!! Lydia makes her way up via some rigging on the side of the ship before flopping herself onto the deck. Feet first, at least.
"Mom?" She asks, pushing those feelings down for the moment. "Are you okay?" Well she's got her priorities in check, at least.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
(uwa!!!)
Riesenlied jolts rather abruptly when Lydia asks her, and she drops the hilt and it fortunately winks away in a brief flash of light like a K**blade (tm) rather than, uh, tumble over and stab her on the foot in the way pointy instruments can tend to.
"Lydia? Sorry, I was... I had a lot of things to think about," Riesenlied stammers. She smiles very quietly as she beckons her closer, mom-ly instincts evidently building as she starts composing herself for her daughter.
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
(uwa!!!)
Lydia cringes when Riesenlied drops the blade, but it seems it just...vanishes. Well, better than it vanishing into Riesenlied's foot! "Huh, what happened to the shikebob?"
But feeling her SPOT is already in jeopardy, she doesn't put too much pressure on that line of inquiry. She turns and sits herself on the Fereshte's railing so she can look at Riesenlied and also rest her own feet at the same time.
"Yeah?" Lydia asks. "Whatcha thinkin' 'bout? If it's somethin' you're willing to talk about already, that is."
W--wait she came here to be comfed, but is she doing the comfing now?? Well, comfing mom a little bit wouldn't hurt. It's... part of a comf strategy, clearly!
"Is it about what happened in Krosse?" She guesses, and then more uncertainly. "Th' new kid?"
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
"I--it just... I don't know," Riesenlied stammers in a brief moment of mild confusion, before closing her eyes and letting it flash back into her hands. Just like she did back at Krosse, while she was riding on Hellerune's finger.
A pause, as she lets it wink away again because she doesn't need a sword to talk to her daughter, just her father and nongendered parental figure which is part of what makes her extremely sad right now.
"The new kid-- ah, Emeralda? She seems to have taken to the others, hasn't she?" A pause, as she notices the look on Lydia's eyes and the way she tries to bring the topic around again as she drags her daughter in slowly for a hug.
"I think Janey and Mikaia still want to play with you lots, though..."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia says, "It's not all that fair," She looks to the side over the edge of the Fereshte. "You worked really hard to save the world'n'your people, but you still got hurt'n'hurt over it. After all you did."
Her cheeks gain that silver tint as Riesenlied pulls her off the railing into a hug. You can't hide things from mom, Lydia, what were you thinking of even trying?!
(this too....is uwa. Kingdom Hearts)
"...She's like me, isn't she? They took her, got what they wanted, and threw her away. She can do all sorts of stuff I can't. Then why did they even bother with me? Was there even any reason to do this to me?"
She lowers her head. Of course, in all the world where there's people who are the best at something, there's going to be someone who isn't the best at anything. "Bet she's nicer than me too."
"Gahhhhh...." She pulls away turns back to the railing. "I didn't want to be like this anymore. Uggh...."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied tries to be a bit gentle, at least; she's not the type to do tackle-hugs or anything, but she seems to sense this is a time to be extra-tender.
"... I don't..." Riesenlied stammers for a moment, looking to Lydia. "I don't know what they wanted from you -- or from me for that matter, but--"
She bites her lip, but her eyes light up as she affirms:
"We're great because of what we have, what we like doing and all we do for everyone, not because of what value scary sky-people found in us, right?"
A pause for a while longer, before giggling to say, "Besides, you're my daughter, Lydia. No new kid is going to change that, and it's not going to make me feel any less about you."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
When Riesenlied looks to Lydia she can see she's gnawing on the railing in her frustration. Wow Lydia.
It's true. The Solarians seemed to want something from Riesenlied as well. She's not sure what exactly, but-- 5r"Yeah," Lydia says. "I just wish I could see my own. But I guess nobody really gets to see their own value. It's annoying because I thought I got over that nonsense but it's come back and--" Well relapses of insecurity are normal, but that doesn't make them less frustrating to deal with.
But Riesenlied does cheer Lydia up with a small action. It's not just the words exactly, but the giggling. That sticks out in Lydia's mind.
"Well," She says, looking back, smiling. "Least I got you laughin'. That's a good feel."
She nods slowly. "Yeah, I just...needed to hear it I guess. Heh."
She smiles. "And I guess I gotta look out for the young ones, can do that at least."
She tilts her head. "So what happened in Krosse?" NO ESCAPE.
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Lydia's words are fairly timely, really. Nobody gets to see their own value... well, one could argue that value is only really reflected through the interactions one has with others, even if indirectly. But she gets what she means--
There's still a bashful little smile there, past that giggle. "I'll say it for you as many times as you'd like--" as she taps her own chest. "And when we're apart, you know it'll still be here."
Lydia asks about Krosse again, though.
(no escape! uwa!!!!! (that's the maximum ! until disc 2))
"I'm-- um--" Riesenlied hesitates. "I'm finding myself really... how do I put it..."
She rubs her finger against the Medium at her neck for a long, kind of lost moment. "There was a large creature -- a Reaper, or Wels, I'm pretty sure. It was suffering... immensely, because of what was done to it. And it..."
Riesenlied's eyes are starting to tear up again at the recollection of the collective voices.
"It asked for death... for release. And I helped... grant that... with Odoryuk's power."
She swallows deeper. She shakes her head as she sniffles. "It doesn't feel good, Lydia. I don't... I'm scared that I'm losing my nerve to fight more and more."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
It's why you have to foster your social links so that you may unlock the power of Kingdom Hearts with your K**blade (or summon Satan depending).
"Hmmm...as many times as I like huh!" Lydia grins fangly. "You might regret saying that one day." Though, tellingly, she doesn't ask Riesenlied to say it again. She wants to believe in her own value even if she can't see it even if that's a rather big hurdle.
Hearing about what happened in Krosse makes that smile vanish. Lydia has wanted to end herself before. Not often, but she has felt it. And she's glad at that time nobody was around to 'help'.
But a Wels begging for death? Well--
(don't you remember, Lydia?)
"They must've been suffering a lot." Lydia says, using the word 'they' quite intentionally. "It can be pretty tough to know when a request like that is the best you can do for them. Sometimes they might just be depressed or feeling helpless, other times...like I'm sure in the case of the Reaper you mentioned...that really might be the best you can do for 'em. It happens with old people too sometimes, their bodies are in so much pain and you can't fix it, so they want to rest. And I don't think it's a bad thing to grant it to them, so it's not a bad thing to grant it to a Reaper." Though a Wels asking for 'release' like that, what does that say about the Wels in general? They're not just monsters, then, are they?
"Buuuut." Lydia waggles an index finger. "There's nothing wrong with not wanting to fight, or not wanting that responsibility neither. You already saved the world and all that! And your people! If you wanted to retire from the adventurin' do-gooder lifestyle and focus on raising your family, nobody in this world gets to give you grief over that. Not even the Guardians."
Lydia raises her other index finger. "Now if you want to keep it up, if it's important to you...then well...sometimes you gotta fight to protect what's important to ya. Just how it is in this world. S'long as selfish folks exist, that's how it is. But there's a lot of us around that can fight. You don't gotta feel like you gotta be one of 'em."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied has her eyes closed while she listens to Lydia, not because she's spacing out or anything, but because it's rather evident this is a tic of hers by now when she's listening to something important.
The way the Dragon's Tear softly shimmers with her emotions is indicative.
"But it wasn't... natural..." Riesenlied whispers, damp eyes opening slightly as she looks to her daughter again. "Someone made it the way it was. There was some kind of-- Symbological mark on it, Lily said..."
She swallows.
"I was reminded of the way I was, down at the Gutter... I feel like I might've begged for release myself." She opens her eyes the rest of the way, red both from the crying and red from the tinge of her irises.
Retirement... it would sound really nice. Riesenlied does want to retire, with Noeline, with Janey and Mikaia and Lydia and everyone else important. That's a beautiful end goal waiting for her. But--
Lydia raises two index fingers! And points out she doesn't have to be one of 'em.
"I have so many people who would fight to protect me. Noeline, you, Lily..." she shudders with a soft sigh.
"I just... when I brought the Ley down upon that Reaper... it was just so overwhelming, so frightening, the thought of visiting violence on anyone. How do you do it, Lydia?"
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia can't really argue that the Wels aren't similar to what was done to Riesenlied, both in terms of the pain it caused them and their desire for release nor even the kind of danger they represent towards the innocent. The difference might, in the end, just be that Lydia knows Riesenlied and didn't want to give up on her whereas she doesn't know these Wels at all.
But there's one more kind of important question: Can the Wels even be saved at all? It was in question for Riesenlied, but...
"It's hard to imagine a way to save the Wels." Lydia says. "But if you want to look for one...then...we can do that, right?"
She doesn't think it's possible, but if Riesenlied does she'd look alongside her. Of course she would.
But more startlingly is the question of how Lydia grew to be able to 'do a violence'. Lydia hesitates and then rubs at her neck awkwardly, "Well...to be honest... originally it'd just have been because violence was done upon me, and I was angry, and I wanted to get back at the world. But after spendin' time with you and Kaguya and all my friends, I kind of lost the taste of it myself."
"But you're right I still use it." Lydia says. "And I guess it kind of depends on the situation. Sometimes I'm just afraid, you know? And I don't want to be hurt and if someone's going around hurting the people close to me, I'd rather hurt them than see my family get hurt 'cause...I can't lose it again, you know? I just can't." She's said as much back at the Photosphere, but she means it, here. "And I'd rather not use it, don't get me wrong, but I know it's not always an option if I want to protect the world and people I care about most. And the fact I can do it and not get off on it, that kind of puts the job in my hand sometimes."
She looks down at her feet. "You can take me out of the Badlands but I was still raised there. That's just how it is there. Everybody's gotta use violence from time to time there. Well you're from the Photosphere so you get what that's like. Rest of us ain't so different."
"But...yeah. I don't like it either. Sometimes I get sick too. I guess I don't have a moral objection but... I don't like it. That's all."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied truthfully doesn't know that much about the Wels. She doesn't know what produces them, what causes them to suffer such, what rules there are and aren't around their saving. They've rescued Hellions before, and in many ways maybe the people of Lunar write them off in a similar way.
"Mm," Riesenlied finds herself agreeing with her daughter. "That's what the Outreach is for, after all..."
But on the topic of violence...
"I know. I know..." Riesenlied whispers, as Lydia speaks of loss and how she doesn't want to -- she /can't/ lose it all again. And she made her promise, when she went to Siegfried's aid and...
Failed.
"I want to -- and I do -- rely on you all, and I know I'm not useless or that I don't deserve to be here like I once felt during that caravan trip in Elru..."
She settles on that, pursing her lips. "But I want to know and reassure you I could defend myself if it came to it. And that does... often require being able to fight back, you know...? I feel it's really important to have an answer in my heart to that..."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
"Hm..." Lydia considers Riesenlied's desire. "Well, you've got a good point there." Riesenlied is kind, Lydia reminds herself, something as selfish as wanting to keep her family safe isn't going to be enough on its own, she supposes. But if that's the case....
"Well, I'm sure when you find that answer...it'll be a good one." Lydia says.
Lydia's feelings about Siegfried are all muddled right now. The last memory of him right now is helping hte person she cared about most. At least Riesenlied's non-binary parent doesn't have a history of going around hurting people.
(Yeah Lydia may be a bit confused on how K.K operates)
"But since it's your heart, I'm not sure I can help much with that..."
She hrms thoughtfully before blinking twice.
"Oh--hey. This might be a little weird, but can you use Laevantinn on yourself? Maybe if figuring it out is hard for you, you can just jump into your own head and figure it out that way!"
Or maybe it'll be super creepy and everybody will look at you and speak only in 'John Malkovich'. You don't want that do you??
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied didn't quite voice it to Lydia, but the whole reason she was there in Krosse in the first place was because of K.K.'s last words to her when she was conscious, before everything went down in Elru.
That they are attempting something that they know not the outcome of...
That they may not meet on peaceable terms the next time they do so.
Still, Lydia's words inspire her -- she holds her hand gently as she expresses, "I know I can't always have everything I want. And I think the fact that Noeline and you and others have had to make tough decisions like that... It's why I want to be able to have that confidence in myself too."
She blinks a few times as Lydia suggests using Laevateinn on herself, scratching her cheek as she admits:
"If anything, maybe I've been in my own head for too long... Nasrin would chide me."
Her eyelids softly close for a moment.
Nasrin...
It feels like she's gone to sleep, like Id did at the great summation of the battle of the Photosphere.
But... hasn't it been a long time now?
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia's cheeks silver again. "Well...we'll definitely tell you...that we believe in you...as many times as you want!"
... ... ...
"I believe in you." Lydia says just in case that didn't count. She places her hand on top of Riesenlied's.
It has been a while hasn't it? Not that Lydia would know.
"Hmm... I guess that's true. But I guess worst case, we can just start trying things out to see what works!"
She points to the distance. "I fight for justice!"
She points in another direction! "I fight for peace!"
She points again! "I fight for love!"
Her stomach grumbles. "I fight for food."
<Pose Tracker> Riesenlied has posed.
Riesenlied has red cheeks in turn as she smiles, and lets out that soft giggle again. "And I'll tell you you're my wonderful daughter and I'll love you in all the ways I can, and nothing's going to change that."
She pauses as she squeezes Lydia's hand as she says it to her one more time--
And nods gently, puffing up as she looks towards the night sky and the stars and her cheeks are super round and cute as she exclaims,
"I fight for love!!"
There's a holler from down below as a certain bartender hollers, "Amen to that sister!!" and Riesenlied melts deep red and whines, "I didn't think anyone was listening..."
A pause, as she perks up at the mention of food. "Why don't you gather Janey and Mikaia and let's have a family dinner, all of us? I'll make all the wonderful comfort foods..."
<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.
Lydia enjoys hitting things (not people, but objects) when she's embarrassed but yelling is a good second choice.
Lydia grins fangly at Riesenlied, "Well that's one down already! Maybe it'll be easier than we thought!" Probably not, this is the sort of ethical conundrum that can plague someone for their whole lives but hey, it's something! "That's the secret of the Wayside spirit. Everybody's always listening. That's why we're never kept down for long!"
She nods once to Riesenlied and hops onto the railing, dangling one foot onto the edge. "You're speaking my language, mom! I'll gather 'em up lickety split! They must be hungry too, since our stomachs are synchronized as heck!"
They aren't really but that isn't stopping Lydia from saying it.
"And mom...thanks for listening to me today too."
And with that she hops on down to gather the party. GOOD END?