2019-06-09: I'm not Cool, You're Cool!

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  • Log: I'm Not Cool, You're Cool!
  • Cast: Kamui, Lydia Seren, Prissa
  • Where: Luca
  • Date: 9th June 2019
  • Summary: Kamui challenges Lydia to a showdown over the guilt or innocence of the woodsman and Armengard...!!

<Pose Tracker> Kamui has posed.

Over the last couple of days, tense correspondence was exchanged. The deliberation over the innocence or guilt over the calendar girl's involvement in the murder committed by a woodsman... and the dear belief of a girl who holds close to her heart her friendship with a Wood Man. These may not be related, at all. In fact, it's kind of like the woodsman is the natural enemy of a Wood Man, wouldn't you say? Kamui's not good with facts, though.

What is clear is that it's now

                            It's Showdown, Lydia!                             

Lydia has been sent a letter informing where to go. It's a Showdown! at high noon at... at...


Wait, this is just the yard of the hotel in Luca that ARMS has been camping out at as a hideout. And... there's a bunch of tables with nice tablecloths as several staff members (maybe on Marivel's directions) put down some nice treats like cakes and doughnuts and apple crumbles and strudels.

And then Kamui is standing near the centre of the field with a rake, raking... leaves into a pan!!


It's... Showdown?

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuOEAslLHlk

The sound of thick boots clomping across the floors, light glancing off the star-shaped spurs, a young green haired woman with curved horns steps into the yard across from Kamui, a reed in her mouth and a cowgirl hat on her head, a pair of twin pistols(?) held firmly within a pair of holsters at her waist.

"Are you the varmint that wants to frame my calender gal Armengard?" She twists the reed in her mouth to the other side of her mouth.


Marivel rests in a casket, curled up around Nob whom she snuggles down with. "I'm so glad she's making friends..."


"I give ye to the count of three to take back what you said about Armengard."

She spits the reed to the side.

"Three..." She says. "Two...!!"


<Pose Tracker> Prissa has posed.

Behind Lydia Seren comes...A cake.

Oh, it's probably not an actual ambulatory cake, but it's high enough to occlude whoever's carrying it from the waist up, not least because of a wicker cover with a fabric print wrapped around it on top. The cake itself must be within, and with such a cover it must be highly vertical... how peculiar.

Either way... the cake flanks Lydia.

"Yah!" it says in a voice mysteriously like that of Prissa. "What she said!"


Prissa says, "I have only one question on this scheme, now that you have outlined it in its fullness, Lydia."

A beat passes. "Who is Armengard? Is this someone we have met?"

<Pose Tracker> Kamui has posed.

Kamui's attention is piqued as the telltale sound of a harmonica and whistling accompanies the arrival of a Gunslinger. A gunslinger girl, but not a Gunslinger Girl, at that. She's got the reed in her mouth, that's so cool...!

"That's so cool," Kamui speaks her mind out afterwards, before pausing and shaking her head.

"Armengard ruins lives daily with her untruths...!! She's been doing this for centuries...!" Kamui possibly gets the wrong Armengard. Or accidentally establishes the terrifying canon of an entire lineage of Armengards.

What, you think Asgard is the only one who gets to do that?

"I'm Kamui, reporter of the Meria Bouletin! I'll show you, brave gunslinger! The spirit of my good friend Wood Man! He's innocent, I tell you!"

She gets distracted because Prissa comes in with a covered cake afterwards. She swallows with an audible 'GULP!' because the smell looks really tasty...

"I'll transform and channel his spirit...!! Wait one minute..."

Kamui takes off her white dress. This isn't lewd because, as it turns out, she literally doesn't have any skin underneath, it's all just that blue bodysuit. Lydia and Prissa can both tell she's a machine, with how dinged up she is. Part of her calf is breached with piping, and there's the side of her face which is missing its skin too.

Then she pulls up something fuzzy and brown and kind of... sits down so she can scoot into it. It looks like a tree trunk costume, and she wedges her head in and pops her face out of a cutout hole.

She wiggles her legs and arms in and the outfit is complete!

"... mui ..."

She pauses, and starts rocking over left and right. She's very round right now.

"... mui, I can't get up."

GS: Kamui has Fallen! She is unable to get up!

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Honestly is it really not Gunslinger Girl here?

Lydia of course has silvered cheeks when Kamui calls her cool ahhh someone called her cool oh no oh noooo.... "W--what Armengard is like 18 years old! I think. I've never seen her age or anything but she looks like a teenager! I don't know who Wood Man is! Oh you're going to show me? Um..."

She watches for a bit before looking to Prissa. "A creepy girl who Virginia knows." Pause. "Virginia Maxwell is basically the coolest drifter around, a real legend, you'll meet her someday I'm sure. She and Maya form an unstoppable team of cuteslingers."

She then looks back to Kamui who is clearly a formidable cuteslinger herself. She approaches, drawing both pistols(?) into her hands, pointing them for Kamui's mouth.

"I guess I'm not an honorable type." She says before opening fire!!!

And whipcream SCHLOORRPS out into Kamui's mouth.

"....Hey are you a 'cyborg' too? Do you turn into puddles like Emeralda?"

<Pose Tracker> Prissa has posed.

Centuries? Prissa thinks. Ridiculous! Nobody can live for centuries.

"Ah, it's the reporter," Prissa says from behind the cakes. After this Kamui starts taking off her clothes, which Prissa doesn't see. "If she's a reporter, she should know these things. But you should be careful, Miss Reporter, since sometimes people share a name with their ancestors, and then you can get confused."

A beat passes. "Ah," she says. "- Ah," as Lydia anticipates her next question. "Sick. I will look forward to it. Can I put this down somewhere, Lydia? It is a little bit heavy."

Something goes schlorp. Prissa starts ambling for a table, with or without Lydia's permission.

"Who is Wood Man?" Prissa asks along the way.

<Pose Tracker> Kamui has posed.

Kamui gets splatted with whipped cream, but there's a gleam in her eyes as she goes 'om nom nom' and eats all the whipped cream. "Tasty...!!"

This, apparently, gives her the power to roll over and stand up. She's very trunk-like in her tree kigurumi.

"Hmm..... Armengard is only 18 years old??" Kamui tilts her head. She pumps her hands together, psyching her head up--


Kamui raises her fists as she looks up towards the ominous figure holding a calendar atop the spire of the cathedral.

"You're too late, Reploid! Now, public holidays everywhere are over...!!"

The figure rips the pages of said calendar, each square of each page fluttering into the distance!!

"No--!!" Kamui exclaims--


"She was... older than 18," Kamui insists. She sounds confused. Prissa helps as she points out that people share names with their ancestors. She ambles over and grabs onto the cake to put down and free Prissa's hands.

"Wood Man... was... a kind friend of mine, from long ago!! He was... made of Wood," Kamui explains, as if it explains everything. She sulks. "He definitely wouldn't kill anyone!"

But Lydia asks if she's a cyborg, which confuses her. She tilts her head. "What's a... psy... borg?"

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"I don't know who Wood Man is. I think she means 'Woodsman'..?" but then she says Wood Man is a kind friend of hers and that doesn't really work. "I don't think Armengard was talking about some dude named Wood Man! In fact, shse was probably talking about someone who would've been this Wood Man's enemy because he's a woodsman! He chops wood! And stuff. I assume? I'm not an expert here, but I know that Armengard hasn't killed anything except interest in holidays."

She pauses and looks to Kamui. "Don't eat the whole cake or anythiing either okay? I asked Prissa to bring enough to share." Pause. "Nice job by the way Prissa."

She sheathes her whip cream pistols back into their holsters which is honestly something her player never expected to write until today.

"Um," She adds at that question. "Not really sure. But I'm made out of small robots. Are you made out of small robots? Sometimes my face gets shot off but it fixes itself up. Why isn't yours?"

She frowns thoughtfully.

<Pose Tracker> Prissa has posed.

The frame of cakes... because yes, it has multiple levels, multiple layers, wheels within wheels...! Is handed to Kamui with every sign of reliuif. "Thank you," she says. "Don't tilt. There is frosting."

Prissa wipes her forehead afterwards, and she looks towards Lydia as she does it. Beneath the framework there are several different kinds of treats. One is a classical old-fashioned Filgaian sheet cake covered in a thin but delectable layer of buttercream frosting. Underneath that is a tray of baklava... BUT...

It has a twist...

Inside... with the honey and the filo breading and the nuts... is... a thin sliced layer of candied fruits of a quite uncommon sort...!!

"She has machina body too?" Prissa asks Lydia. "Was this Wood Man like the carpenter ant - no, what's the word. Carpentry man? Like Brother."

<Pose Tracker> Kamui has posed.

"Um!" Kamui speaks up, pumping her hands up again like she were some kind of exciteable assistant. "I'm Kamui! I'm--" A pause, as she tilts her head. "Well, I guess I'm a Machina, but Master told me that's blasphemous so I... well, I'm saying it anyway because I don't know what else I'd be!"

She looks helplessly at Lydia. "I don't think I'm made of smaller robots. I'm just the one robot: me."

She looks to the cake, then gets distracted by Lydia again as she tilts her head. "A woodsman... is the enemy of Wood Man? I thought that Fire beats Wood, mui... this is so confusing. Mari handles all the thinking with elements for me."

She genuinely seems confused, but listens to Prissa and her eye widens -- the good human eye. Not the camera eye, which seems to just shrink and focus in narrow instead.

"Carpentry Man? You have a brother that's Carpentry Man??"

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"Woah really?" Lydia says. "That's so cool!" She starts walking around Kamui, studying her, clearly fascinated. She says, "This is so much cooler than being a cyborg or having tiny robots...! Aquvy has some pretty wild people living there huh!"

She then turns to look towards Prissa and gives her a faint shrug before making her way over to the table. "Man, good point. Yevon's probably wigging the heck out. Though uh they probably have bigger problems than machina and the Al Bhed right now what with the Guard coming to kick their shit in."

She plunks herself down before wondering...

...should she be using this language in front of this young impressionable robot.

She takes another look towards Kamui. She starts sweating faintly.

<Pose Tracker> Prissa has posed.

"I am Prissa," says Guess Who, proffering one hand towards Kamui. "I make swords."

"This is a longer story," Prissa says then, "in answer of your question. My people, our chief for want of a better term, he has a son. He gave him a name in the general language they speak here, because in our language, a word like that has, what's the word, flavor? Glamour? Charm? I am not sure."

Prissa continues to think for a moment. She grins a little bit, before saying, "You can be as blasphemous to me as you like. Anyway this man is named Brother, like, that is his proper name. But when it's coming up in our language it isn't confusing, you know? Since to us we'd call our brothers, brother, but we'd call this guy, 'Brother.' So to his sisters, he would be my brother, Brother."

Prissa trails off, as if anticipating this made little sense.

<Pose Tracker> Kamui has posed.

Kamui looks just a little uncomfortable, but it soon passes. She has so much exposed circuitry it's still visible even with the onesie mostly covering her up, though. She pulls the wood hood down, and the red camera eye squints to Lydia again for a moment. "I--I'm not cool... you're cool!" Kamui sulks for a moment. "I have tiny robot friends, like Hob and Nob, but I don't think I'm a tiny robot myself."

The Suffering Circuit at her chest gleams. Somehow the gem still pokes out ontop of the wood onesie.

Lydia says a curse word.


'...the Guard coming to kick their--'


'--CUCCO in.'

It's a mystery how Riese has this same subroutine inside of Kamui. The Ice Queen may be responsible for both.

"Ohh... that makes total sense, Prissa," Kamui answers with not even the slightest bit of a lie that she doesn't get it at all. A pause. She reroutes back to:

"I have a sword. A Saber. Would you like to see it?"

She hands Prissa a white... hilt. It might look a little like the hilt of a sword, if she's charitable.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia exhales faintly once it becomes apparent Kamui has clearly heard swears before because she's not reacting comically to them or somehow misinterpreting them to be other words than what they are. She was worried that there'd be this situation where she'd say like 'shit' and Kamui would interpret it as 'cucco' or something. Thank Rigdobrite nothing like that is going on!

"Wh..why are you saying 'cool' like its some kind of insult?" Lydia stammers. "I'm complimenting you! It's a good thing to be 'cool'!"

She can't help but keep looking over Kamui like she's the greatest mechanical find of the century but that's because Kamui probably is the greatest mechanical find of the century and she's trying to be 'cool' about it but it's really hard because she's a mad scientist okay.

She has no idea ...

...who Hob and Nob are.

"Where's the sword part?" Lydia asks hopefully not accidentally starting a truly horrifying chain of events.

<Pose Tracker> Prissa has posed.

'would you like to s' "Yes," Prissa says, reaching for it.

She accepts the hilt.

Prissa examines it for a moment, thoughtfully. Lydia raises a good question and Prissa doesn't answer it right away. Prissa purses her lips for a moment, and then says, "You're both cool," before her thumb slides a certain way and


One of Prissa's bead-tied braids falls off, neatly trisectioned by the rising of the beam sword. Prissa seems unperturbed, swinging the weapon around afterwards, twisting her wrist slowly. "W-a-o-w," she enunciates as she does. "This is what you call a saber? I am impressed... when I hear saber, I think a thin sword, suited for use to chop from horseback in order to clean up after the charge."

Prissa takes a half step to get herself some space and holds the weapon with two hands afterwards.

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia meanwhile is making this face: https://animemotivation.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/anime-girl-brown-hair.jpg.webp when Prissa nearly beamsabres her face off.

<Pose Tracker> Kamui has posed.

"Huh? Cool in a bad way??" Kamui asks confusedly, before shaking her head to pump her hands and says, "I'm not saying cool in a bad way! You defeated me so by the Laws of Friendship, we're already friends," answers the one who already got toppled over by her own onesie then got whipcreamed in the face by a sugar pistol.

Apparently... that's how it works?

There's a quiet whirr from her as she sounds like she has to update her databanks. But then Prissa says they're both cool and--


She sags and then steps back as Prissa holds the Saber with both hands. "Umm... I don't know why it's called a Saber. It belongs to someone very important to me, Gami. I haven't heard of this other saber you've spoken of."

The sword is... well, it's literally invisible if you hold it by its thin side. It's also about as heavy as you imagine a literal 2D plane of a sword to be -- not very, at all.

"But more importantly... is... is your hair all right?!" Kamui kneels next to the braid. "Hang in there, Prissa's Hair... don't die on me!"

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

Lydia says, "Oh. I thought you were. Because you were kinda pouting. ARe you pouting because you don't want to be friends?" She pauses. "I'd like to be friends." She feels a little embarrassed for looking at someone who wants to be friends like she's a mechanical fascination rather than a person. She elects to just chill out on that for the moment.

"Are you uh... okay, Prissa?" She looks down towards that braid.

Does that happen a lot with her??

Lydia is very protective of her hair! She just got it back like a year ago! It's precious to her!!

"I haven't heard of Gami either. Does she make gami noises like 'gami gami' or 'gaaaami'..?"

She agrees on one aspect.

"It's...it's okay it's not dead... your hair isn't dead right, Prissa??" She got sucked in!!

<Pose Tracker> Prissa has posed.

"Terminology varies," Prissa says. "Ask me about how many cuccoing types of polearm there are in Rolance." She takes a couple of slow practice swings through the air, holds it to squint at it edge on, and then starts to fiddle around with it to turn it off. "So you got this on Filgaia? Nice work. It is not quite my style... but if you have an extra one, I bet you could make a nice few gil selling it to one of us!"

Then: "What?"

The braid lays there on the ground. It seems to say to Kamui: It's cold... it's so cold... I did my best... e-everything is going black... Kamui... I only wanted to a world where there would be...

only brushes...


"Oh wow, close call," Prissa says, reaching down to pick it up. "I can just rebraid later, I guess. Still, wow! I did not notice in the slightest!"

She looks at Lydia. "I'm fine. You want this?" She holds out the severed braid.

"... Hair is like the same stuff as your fingernails," Prissa says.

"... at least for me."

"I don't know about either of you. Perhaps machina body has live hair."

<Pose Tracker> Kamui has posed.

Kamui tears up as the braid lays there on the ground. She heartfully holds onto the braid. "It's okay, braid... I know... just rest now... you did your best--"

Then a yelp as Prissa picks it up.

Kamui looks a bit embarrassed as well, sulking for a moment as she twiddles her thumbs at Lydia. "W-well, it's because I mistakenly called your friend a killer. That's why I'm a bit nervous. B-but!" She psyches herself up again with another pump of her hands. "I do want to be friends! Mari said I should be making many friends."

She looks towards Prissa again, then Lydia asks about Gami.

"Gami makes a 'mii, mii-mii....' sound when she's exasperated. She's very good at it. ... I miss Gami ..." She tilts her head. "We promised to be together forever. But we aren't now... however, as long as I have this Saber, it's like she's with me. So, I can't sell it."

She pumps her hands as she ruins her heartfelt admission.

"I need it to fulfill my promuise on a technicality!"

She tilts her head as Prissa casually asks if Lydia wants the braid. "H-humans can have their hair cut... and still live?" She takes out her reporter's journal and scribbles that down. "Demon Barber may also... not be a killer..."

<Pose Tracker> Lydia Seren has posed.

"Yeah, no, I totally get it." Lydia tells Kamui. "To be honest if I didn't know Armengard well I would totally peg her for a serial killer but as it turns out, no, she doesn't have any room in her brain for murder because it's all taken up by daily trivia." Then very quietly as she turns her gaze away from everyone so she can say this without being overheard. "(i hope)."

"Mary sounds like a pretty smart cookie then." and brilliant, Lydia, don't forget that. No wait you are forgetting it! Stop!

Lydia continues to forget about it as she adds, "I'm happy to pal around. Prissa's a great friend too. I guess making two friends in one day is a lot so you're making good progress towards your mission."

She pauses as Kamui says she misses Gami. Her cheeks silver again and she looks down.

"Yeah... it can be rough. But I bet she misses you too. Muis and miis go together, probably."

She ends up with 1x Prissa's Braid that is probably a key item that will augment a piece of equipment in the future. Right now though, Lydia looks a little disturbed.

"I uh. You know thinking about it. I've decided I don't want to think about whether my hair is alive or not."

She laughs a little though into her hand, grinning good-naturedly as Kamui starts taking notes. "I really like your articles though. It's nice to reade about stuff that isn't just doom and gloom all the time."

<Pose Tracker> Prissa has posed.

Something about what Kamui says resonates with Prissa, beyond the obvious surface facts of the matter. She proffers the weapon to her again, now with more gentleness.

"May she be with you, then; forever."

Lydia then speaks up even as she looks towards her. "So we ought to eat this cake or something," Prissa suggests, walking towards it to get out a knife and start slicing some of the cake with frosting. Is she - she's going to take all of the corner pieces! What a criminal!

"So this newspaper, you are publishing it here in Spira? That's interesing to do... did you bring your equipment or is there some woodblock maker letting you carve things fresh?" (... "And yes, we do, it's fine. If you get cut it's not your hair that's bleeding, it's your head. Lots of blood in your scalp.")

<Pose Tracker> Kamui has posed.

Kamui takes the Saber gently, nodding as she clings onto the hilt as the blade disappears back into it.

"Hehe... I know Gami does. I promised I would rest with her forever, so until I return to my sleep I've got to keep that promise," Kamui answers with a big, confident smile. She listens to how Armengard is probably a serial killer if she didn't know her better and


There's a smashcut of Armengard having a creepy grin under the shade of her room. It probably means nothing. Don't worry about it.


"Mmm! Kamui's memory... isn't what it used to be. I've lost a lot of memories and names and people and events..." Kamui answers a bit more heartfully. "So, even if to just make sure I put it down on paper or the sphere... that's why I take pictures and publish. So it's there, even if I forget."

She looks to Prissa and answers, "I'm working with Rin, he's our sponsor. We publish it on the Travel Sphere under his Agency, so we don't have to have a printing press! That seems to be the way people prefer reading on Spira, through spheres. And--"

She lights up for a moment.

"Cake... ooh, cake! Let's have cake, everyone!"