2020-06-30: Living Death and Deadly Life
- Log: Living Death and Deadly Life
- Cast: Citan Uzuki, Lunata Croze
- Where: The Thames - Upper Deck
- Date: June 30, 2020
- Summary: Lunata and Citan happen to cross paths on the Thames, well following the events of the battle against the newly-born Clysmian. Citan waxes philosophical. Lunata makes a decision.
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
In all probability, the best place to find Citan Uzuki these days -- outside the Karlsefni -- is probably among the salvagers of the Thames. While the Apple Market and Damzen City have their particular charms and specialties, there's something to be said for the breadth of scrap that the salvagers of the Thames dredge up and sell.
True, much of it is in fact junk, barely worth the price one might pay for it--
Citan holds one such object up to the light in here, turning the small cracked lens this way and that. "Hmm..."
--at least it's interesting junk.
"This is... a Moa lens, correct? I suppose that would make it well over fifty years old," he remarks. The thing is heavily scratched, one can barely see through it. The metal casing is dented and corroded.
"Now then, what did you say your price was for it again...?"
<Pose Tracker> Lunata Croze has posed.
"Oh... was that one in the green basket? Everything in the green's 30 gella," speaks Lunata.
A looooong pause, as she actually pulls her head up underneath the shade of the store awning. A few more blinks -- she's got a bandana over her head, and an apron over her clothes, in the midst of shuffling a blue basket of things over one way.
"Wait. Doc?" Lunata blinks a few times more.
There's a bout of laughter from a small family of capybara beastmen and women where they're taking a break at the moment.
yeah i'm gonna keep cameoing capybara beastmen what of it
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
There is an equally long pause on Citan's part as the owner of this particular scrap shop turns out to be...
...a rather familar face.
What, did he just start putting his hands on things without taking a look at who was running the place?
(probably)
"Oh my, Miss Croze! I must confess, I did not expect to see you here," he replies at long last. "I trust you have been, ah, well?"
Considering the fact that she died (again) and came back (again), perhaps 'well' may be pressing it somewhat.
<Pose Tracker> Lunata Croze has posed.
"A-aaah, umm," Lunata scratches her head. "Yeah, I'm doing okay. I do part time at this store sometime, cause the father of the owner of this store's a Yggdrasil crew member and he hooks me up with Gear parts sometimes."
In fairness to Citan, Lunata doesn't really supervise the outer buckets of merchandise that closely anyway - most of what's sold here are miscellaneous junk, bric-a-bracs and odds and ends and the Thames has a lively and honest enough atmosphere.
"... well, I suppose you mean 'well' in another way," Lunata squints. "Um. I wanted to say. Thanks, doc... if you didn't cut me out of that stone..." A longer pause. "I'm sorry I made you, uh, have to pick up a sword again."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
"Oh, I see." Another pause. "If you happen to see Sigurd, please tell him that it has been far too long."
Is there... some reason Citan can't tell him this over Memory Cube, or does he just prefer to delegate this sort of thing to other people?
In a space as crowded as this, perhaps it is the case that it's hard to tell where one stall ends and the other begins, even. The Thames is a place of chaos, but it's the sort of lively chaos that births its own order. Like a school of fish in the sea, perhaps.
'I suppose you mean 'well' in another way'.
He simply nods. There isn't the right language for her situation.
As if a little embarrassed, though, the doctor glances away. "Ah... well... I merely had the suspicion that you were not quite..."
But he shakes his head. "No, it is no matter. Though I would prefer not to set hands on a 'real' sword, so long as I do not strike another, I am able to rest easily."
<Pose Tracker> Lunata Croze has posed.
There's a sad smile from Lunata as she says, "Ah... yeah, that's right -- you and Siggy were pretty close, huh?" She's clearly been around the Yggdrasil long enough that she's started giving nicknames to people, perhaps under Bart's bad influence.
She doesn't even think about why they can't text-- cube each other. Maybe he's just old-fashioned?
Now I'm thinking of what youthful slang or lingo around Memory Cubes are.
Lunata picks up on a bit of that embarrassment, but at least looks relieved when he says it's okay. As long as it's not to hurt anyone...
"... it was the scariest thing I probably will ever experience, doc," the girl admits after a long pause, clinging to the blue basket she's carrying.
"I don't know how to put it well. My entire body was gone -- like, I don't know if you saw, but Jay and Shalune both described that I was basicaly a puddle. I had no eyes to look out of. No hairs to stand up. No tongue to taste, no nose to smell, nothing..."
She looks up at him.
"And... yet I was still 'there'."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
"We are old friends," he says, though he's unable to quite help smiling slightly when she refers to him as 'Siggy'. Perhaps he's wondering how Sigurd is taking a nickname like that. Though, with Bart around-- "With circumstances as they are... I suppose it cannot be helped. Nevertheless..." he muses aloud, only to shake his head.
Perhaps he does prefer writing a letter--
A difficult proposition when your intended target is a member of a pirate crew.
As long as he doesn't hurt anyone, as long as he never again draws blood...
Those were the terms. If he backs down from that vow for any reason -- any at all, no matter how he justifies it to himself -- then...
Then what is he, really?
"Yes... I imagine it may have been." He cannot say what it is like to be crushed under several tons of rock. To be reduced to the state she had been in. To have not even a body left to call one's own.
"...I did," he says at length. "You were... yes, as your friends described it." He glances down at her, as if to measure the her 'now' against the her 'then'. "...And yet, 'you' remained."
He glances up at the sky above, thin trailing clouds tracing their way across the sky.
"I am reminded of a story of a boat," he says at last. It's always stories with him, it seems. "There was once a well-crafted boat owned by a fisherman," he continues, "and as it was used, it of course began to fall apart. So these pieces were replaced. First the sails, then the deck, and so on and so forth. Eventually, all parts of the boat were replaced, and not a trace of the original boat remained. However, I am certain that if you asked the fisherman whether that was the same boat, he would say it was without hesitation. ...Even in that state, you were undeniably you."
<Pose Tracker> Lunata Croze has posed.
Lunata puts the basket down and folds her arms as she thinks and then lights up, putting one fist to her palm to go, "Oh! I know that story!"
A pause. "Well, the story as I was told was with someone's favorite sock. As they wore it, it broke down, so they put a patch on it. Then another, then another, until it was just a patch-sock with nothing left of the original. But same deal!"
Lunata tilts her head. "Um. I think that story ended with the girl saying she can't recognise the sock anymore and threw it away and it was eaten by a tiger, though, so maybe that's a bad comparison. I think Armengard told me that one."
... she truly is a menace.
But it's kind of obvious Lunata's sidetracking herself to try to make a bit lighter of her mood, which was starting to sink. "... I don't think it's the kind of thing most people experience. It-- honestly kind of makes me question if I've already figured out what the afterlife is like..."
She sags for a moment. "But... that's something I've always been scared about, you know? Being crushed or otherwise wiped out enough that all I can do is... exist, without being able to affect anything."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
There is a long pause as Lunata tells him about the socks. Is this what 'struck dumb' is like?
"I... I see," he replies at last, readjusting his glasses. "The, ah, first part of that story seems to be... similar," he allows.
He doesn't say anything about the second part. Perhaps he's heard tell of 'Armengard' before, somehow, somewhere.
But this is only a distraction from a weightier matter, in the end.
"That, I cannot say... --Indeed, I do not think that most would know such from personal experience. As for the nature of the afterlife..." He shakes his head, gesturing outwards with his one free hand. The battered lens still rests in the other.
"But," Citan continues, glancing again up at the sky, "I do not think it is an uncommon thing to fear. Perhaps in most cases it might not be as literally so, but the idea of being helpless... of being unable to affect anything... this feeling is regrettably common."
<Pose Tracker> Lunata Croze has posed.
In truth, Lunata doesn't feel herself as being that similar to the Ship of Theseus -- when she was a sludge, even if it was 'her', and she was grateful that people could somehow sense that 'she' was there -- something she hasn't yet discredited as a miracle...
She kinda doesn't want to live as a blob for the rest of her life.
"... ... yeah... that is common, isn't it?" Lunata says. "My aunt used to say a phrase to me. 'Living death, and deadly life'. I think it's meant to be like you can be in a state where you're just living in a dead-like state, unable to make waves or control anything in your life... or you can live full and dangerously, no matter the risk."
A longer pause. "I think I understand that a little more now."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
Even the ship was rebuilt over time. If she hadn't been freed, would Lunata have remained in that state forever...?
Or would the Rephaim have ultimately...?
They are questions that, regardless, must remain unanswered.
"'Living death, and deadly life'. ...Hmm, yes. Yes, that is quite accurate."
Citan's gaze is, for the moment, distant, as if he were reflecting on something else.
"While there is certainly something to be said for a peaceful life... if the decision is between barely living or living dangerously..."
He nods, just the once.
"...So what do you intend now with your new 'life'?"
<Pose Tracker> Lunata Croze has posed.
".... 'I want to live'," Lunata decides after another meaningful pause of searching. "That was what I said. That was what got the Rephaim working again. Because it detected that desire... so there was life for it to take."
She looks up towards the doctor again and says, "Right now... I'm gonna just spend all the time with Jay and Shalune, and with Fei and Leon and Lily and you, y'know? Like... the two groups I feel are basically my family."
There's a kind of sad smile as she says, "My life's still ticking away to the machine, but whose isn't? I've decided I'm going to live it with people, rather than push them away like what happened with me in Spira."
<Pose Tracker> Citan Uzuki has posed.
"Indeed," is his reply, and not without a wry smile. "From the time we are born, according to some, though I admit that I do find that particular phrasing," and here he winces, as if to underscore the sentiment, "a touch grim, even if it is accurate."
Eventually, this too will pass, as another turn of phrase goes -- eventually time devours all things.
"...But that makes it all the more important to, shall we say, 'seize the day'? There is much yet to be done."
Citan pauses a moment, then glances down at the small bit of scrap in his hand. "--Speaking of, I believe I owe you a few coins, Miss Croze."