2020-09-16: Forever and Ever

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  • Log: Forever and Ever
  • Cast: Loren Voss, Anaitis Sura
  • Where: Damzena Desert
  • Date: September 16, 2020
  • Summary: Loren takes Anaitis to a quiet place he knows. A long-needed exchange is had.

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    Meria Boule was out of the question after attempting to eliminate ARMS recently. Damzen City is not a great place for a day out (a date??). But there are other little places, wedged in where the desert isn't actively swallowing up this part of the island. Emphasis on little -- at once places where it's easy to disappear to and difficult to disappear within. Placing a hand on a stunted apple tree (it has a few apples, but they look sort of distasteful) Loren glances up at the sky, blue streaked with white.

    The long and the short of the incident at base is that it's out of his hands. Whatever might happen now is something he has no control over.
    This is by no means a new or unusual circumstance for the young officer.

    Be as they may, the fact of the incident had not -- and he'd checked -- rescinded his already-assigned day off. But what is he supposed to do? Demand he be put on the hunt, draw more attention his way?

    He's going to act like nothing's wrong, he'd decided. Besides he--
    Has other things that are important to do.

    "I stopped in here once before when heading back," he explains to his companion. "I've only been here once, but it seemed nice enough. ...Small compared to home, of course." And dirty, and unhygienic, and backward, and not at all a place he wants to live.

    But there's something about the plants and trees that seems a little familiar, somehow. It makes him weirdly nostalgiac, which is really weird, given Etrenank's sterility.

    It seemed like a nice enough -- safe enough -- place to take Anaitis.

<Pose Tracker> Anaitis Sura has posed.

    Anaitis has had a great few concerns, privately, in the last couple of months. For one, they could sense one of them reawakening, and it wasn't really difficult to peep into the pipeline and hear what the Drifters were most recently up to... but that wasn't something they could -- or should -- action now.

    The other concern was Loren.

    They are seated in regular, Drifter clothing and seated ontop of their oar as usual, looking at the distance.

    "It is fascinating," they express quietly. "Water is life. And even within a desert, water brings life."

    A pause, for a moment longer, and they snake their hand towards Loren's quietly.

    "Have you been... all right?"

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    Loren worries -- perhaps a little foolishly -- about Anaitis. The other Solarian obviously can handle themself -- otherwise Command probably (probably) wouldn't have put them into a more active role. But, still... there are a lot of unexpected things to deal with in the outside world and Anaitis is...

    ...well, Anaitis.

    Case in point, the conversation just now.

    "...Huh. I guess I never thought of it that way."

    It gives him a chill, frankly -- this world really is dying, isn't it. If they can't clean up things on the surface, will that mean that one day...?

    Anaitis seeks his hand; his fingers close around theirs. And then there comes the question. 'Have you been... all right?'

    "..."

    Well, that's a question. He wonders, fleetingly, just how obvious it's gotten.

    Loren glances away, rubbing at the side of his neck. "I... guess." Considering the circumstances, that is. "...Why? Do you think I look bad?"

<Pose Tracker> Anaitis Sura has posed.

    Anaitis' hair flows to one side, the smile a bit enigmatic as they ponder the question further in their mind. But first there is a chuckle as they say:

    "Of course not. You look lovely, always," as they lean a bit closer to Loren.

    "But... I have been thinking of some things. And I am afraid... if I may have contributed to any distress you are feeling."

    It's kind of a strange way to phrase it. But Anaitis sure is strange.

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    "Er--"

    If there's one thing about their relational dynamic, it's that Anaitis still knows how to make Loren blush. Flustered in spite of everything, he has to glance away for a moment, perhaps just to get things under control again.

    "...Like what?" he says, once he's able to speak again. "It's not your fault. And--"

    There's no good way to say, 'there might be a cure but I'm afraid to take it' without seeming selfish, is there? ...Though that potential cure has just slipped through his (metaphorical) fingers. ...No, he's not going to focus on that, now. And there's still time and still a chance for 'something else'.

    "...Oh yeah, I wanted to, uh..." He hesitates. "...Sorry about Schiehallion. It was probably a pain, huh?" He cracks half a smile and squeezes Anaitis' hand momentarily. "But not a scratch on me."

<Pose Tracker> Anaitis Sura has posed.

    "Between you and I. Where we may next take it... and where we may be forced to, with our orders," Anaitis muses. "It is a bit more difficult, is it not? I had not cared too much where I am assigned, when I was on my own. But now..."

    They tilt her head with a pleasant, yet sorrowful little smile.

    "I would feel that lonesomeness, I suppose."

    Loren apologies for Schiehallion, and Anat shakes their head.

    "You should not. They told me they were fine, and will recover," Anaitis chuckles, talking about the Gear as if it's something they can talk to. "And they protected you, and I must be grateful for that blessing."

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    "...Oh."

    So not so much that and more... that. "Yeah..." Loren admits, glancing away. "I guess... sorry, I hadn't even been thinking about that." But it's true. It's so much true that he doesn't even want to voice it, really.
    Wouldn't that be horribly ironic -- after worrying about so much for so long, the thing that ends it all is as simple as a reassignment.
    Maybe it's the desperation of his own situation though that makes him blurt out, "--but if that happens, then, I'll just message you every day," Loren tells them, his expression frightfully earnest. "Even if I'm stuck working 12 hour shifts in the middle of nowhere."

    Until, that is, the day comes that he--
    He slams the door on that thought, immediately. No.

    "...I mean... even if it's through text or voice, that's not nothing." It's better than he had back when he... ...?

    But he moves on from that, he apologizes for his Gear, and Anat's response is to simply say it wasn't any trouble, and that the Gear was happy to do that. Loren sighs, but not without a smile, of a sort. Isn't this typical, and he wouldn't have it any other way, frankly. "It did, huh? Well, tell it thanks for me. ...I wish it handled better, but it's reliable, huh..." He leans back against the gnarled tree, glancing up at the sky again.

    "Hey, do you..." he starts to say, before trailing off, lapsing into silence.

<Pose Tracker> Anaitis Sura has posed.

    Loren says something that makes Anaitis a bit surprised, even -- he would message them every day. Even if he's stuck working nonsense shifts in the middle of nowhere.

    Surprisingly, something approaching a tear comes to Anat's eyes, as they hold Loren's hands both gently.

    "I want... to make you a promise, Loren. Would you allow me to?"

    A pause, as they realise they kind of spoke over him, when Loren starts saying, 'Hey, do you...'

    "Oh, no, sorry, go ahead."

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    It's a dumb thing to promise. It probably sounds dumb, he thinks. But -- even if he's losing a lot of the specifics (and frankly, here he's not sorry to see them go) Loren knows he's been pretty lonely for a long time. And he's not ready to lose someone else--

    No, he's not ready to think about that possibility. He's not really ready to think about it. The Major will sort it out, she'll come back, and then...

    But that doesn't mean he's willing to let Anaitis go, even if it's only been a little while. He kind of feels like he's known them longer than that. He doesn't know a lot about love from practical experiences -- or relationships, for that matter, or how this stuff is 'supposed' to work out. But he's not willing to say goodbye forever just yet.

    "A promise? Sure, I--"

    He stops, then. "It's dumb. Are you sure you want to hear it?" When Anaitis tells him to go on, he hesitates, then nods.

    "It's dumb," he cautions again. "And I've never told anyone else this. But sometimes, I have this feeling like... I want to run far away from everyone and everything. ...I know, I can't do that. I don't want to do that, not really. ...But I was wondering if you ever felt that way."

    Because I'm starting to think... maybe I'd want to run away with someone else, too. ...Just a little bit.

<Pose Tracker> Anaitis Sura has posed.

    Anaitis does, of course, want to hear it. Because this is the person who seems infinitely charmed by Loren stuffing pancakes into his mouth as part of an eating contest. There may actually be nothing that they could classify as truly 'dumb'.

    Loren says that sometimes, he has the feeling of running far away from everyone and everything... but he knows he can't do that. He doesn't want to do that, but...

    Do they ever feel that way?

    "... ... ..."

    Anaitis thinks on it for a long moment. It's not the kind of long moment where the answer was clearly 'no'. It's a genuine moment of thought.

    "I do... if it were with you, I feel... I would be happy enough to run away and be... together," Anaitis whispers further, the tears ebbing just a little bit more in their eyes.

    "I did not know if I could be someone to feel the emotion of 'love', the way people do," Anaitis is frank. Incredibly frank. "But you showed me that I can. What I feel at this moment, surely, it must be something that could qualify as love."

    A pause, as they squeeze his hands tighter.

    "Loren..."

    A longer pause.

    "No matter what happens, no matter if truths come out, if one's opinion may change..."

    They tilt their head, offering Loren a sun-bathed smile under the apple tree.

    "I will love you, forever and ever. That is something I wish to promise you, while I can, now."

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    It's a weird thought to have -- not that his semi-longing-but-not-fully-seriously-meant-honestly was all that normal to begin with, he thinks -- but he's struck by it again in the wake of Lan's succumbing to her affliction and the stress that has come with it. Sometimes, he just wants to run away from the world and disappear. But maybe, he's not wanting to do it alone, anymore.

    He half-expects Anaitis to laugh it off. But...
    Anaitis isn't a normal sort of person. They're a special one-of-a-kind person. And this, too, is a sentiment that Loren considers hopelessly dumb... but he also hates lies and liars.

    So even if he's afraid of so much -- of being broken, among other things -- well--

    "H-hey..." He's taken aback in this moment. No, truthfully, he's terrified. Are they crying? "Are you okay? I didn't mean--"

    Oh. Oh shit.

    It's weird, in retrospect, that his realization is along those lines. That it's not 'how wonderful, I feel the same way' or something more typical, kinda. That it's this... 'terror' might be the best word for it, but it's the terror that ancient people had when they beheld the heavens. The terror of people towards god, perhaps -- beautiful and terrible in the same instant.
    Is this how other people feel in love, he wonders, gazing into their eyes. I want this. I'm scared to death of it. I'm afraid. And I don't want to let go.

    Which is why it might, at first, seem like an odd thing that he slowly slips his hands from Anaitis' as the other proclaims their love, even if he does it carefully, as if he were attempting the most delicate of operations.

    There's a lot going on there in Anaitis' words. Are they afraid of never seeing him again? Are they afraid of what will happen in another fight? Is there something Command's told Anaitis but not him? He's not sure about anything. Anything, except the statement there at the end.

    "...Thanks," he says, once he's managed to free his hands, and it doesn't seem like the right thing to say, except he can't think about what you're supposed to say at a time like this.

    Loren does think, though, that this is the part where you're supposed to kiss the other person. And maybe a more suave, more brave person than he is could have even pulled off -- he considers it, and maybe that'll have to do.

    But he does do the next best thing. Leaning in, he wraps his arms around Anaitis to pull them into a tight embrace, like he doesn't want to let them go.

    "...Me too."