2021-07-14: A Soft Betrayal

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  • Log: A Soft Betrayal
  • Cast: Xander Lovell, Riley Arwell
  • Where: Zoara Badlands
  • Date: July 14, 2021
  • Summary: Riley sneaks out from camp in the early hours to warn Drifters of what Xander plans to do. Xander, unaware, sneaks out himself in the later hours to execute the plan by himself, fearing Riley hasn't the time left to wait. Takes place directly before Stupid Soft Hearts.

<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.

Xander stayed up as long as his eye would stay open. Every breath out from Riley was met with tension, waiting for the exhale. But the steady heartbeat against him was a reassuring anchor to latch onto while fatigue darkened the edges of his vision. Xander wasn't without his own thorns gnawing away at his face and coiling into his arm. It was easy to forget his own exhaustion.

One moment he closed his eye, and the next he opened it to the bright sunlight of day. The warmth was gone. The heartbeat was gone. No inhale and no exhale. Xander shot up. The entire Riley was gone, and a new panic spun his heart into overdrive as he searched through camp. He threw his clothes on roughly, but stopped himself before running aimlessly out into the wilderness. Xander couldn't just start running. He had to -- had to think -- where would Riley go? Why would Riley go anywhere, in his condition?!

"Riley? Riley!" he calls out between his racing thoughts, cursing himself for how useless it is. Riley can't call back. Maybe he's just somewhere nearby. Maybe he's nearby and he's choking.

No, he has to look. He grabs his pack and throws it on, searching the nearby area for tracks.

<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.

Riley went to Halim. Xander's plan was getting too close, too real. And Riley has convinced himself there's a poetic rightness to this. They've been stopped at every turn trying to get a kill. This... this horror can't be the thing that's finally allowed to succeed.

What's more, when he went looking for a Drifter, he found Eleanor. He didn't try to talk to her (as if he even could), just pressed a note into her hand and fled. But she's someone who would understand his warning and follow through. She knows what they are and what they do. Maybe that's fate, too.

He's not sure how he feels afterward. Heavy, mostly. The journey itself was hard for him, and he's dead on his feet, exhausted and dehydrated.

Was it the right thing? There really isn't such a thing as the right thing anymore. Would Xander understand? Probably not... Will this be the end of them? Maybe he could still talk Xander out of going. Or if he told him he sabotaged it, would he give up or just not trust Riley with the details next time...?

The way back is long. Too long. Riley's steps are slowing, and he's starting to wonder if he's actually going to make it back.

... ... but Xander has been tracking him. And when he follows Riley's footsteps, he eventually spots him on his way back, looking like he's about to topple.

Riley raises an arm in a weary, confused greeting. Is that a Xander mirage, like how you see an oasis when you're thirsty...?

<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.

Xander spots the familiar silhouette in the distance. He calls out to Riley again, breaking into a sprint with a thousand questions on his mind that don't matter yet. Once he catches up, his arms are out, there to catch and support Riley if he stumbles and falls.

"Riley, what the hell?!" he snaps, but he knows Riley can't answer him, and with Riley's dazed look Xander's terrified that the answer to most of his questions is that Riley's gone delirious. Xander yanks off his own mantle, putting it over Riley's head like a hood to help shield him from the sun before trying to lead him back to camp. He grimaces at the sight of Riley's dried lips. Riley needs water.

Can Riley handle water? Best get him settled and safe first.

"...I've got you. Just. Come back with me. Okay?"

<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.

Riley leans on Xander readily, happily surprised to find him real and solid. He almost tries to say something stupid about that, but then remembers that he can't. Instead he nuzzles into him a little and lets Xander help him back towards camp.

It's nice and shady under the mantle. It was a good idea. Riley almost tries to tell him so, but then... remembers again that he can't. It's dangerous to be heat addled and cursed with throat thorns at the same time.

But he does have his sphere, because of course he does. So instead of watching Riley accidentally choke himself again, Xander is treated to 'Can you, cutie?' and '...Sorry,' one after the other. He should have tried to get more phrases from Magilou.

<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.

"You've got enough wits about you for that, I see," Xander grumbles, hiding the immense relief that is. But hearing his own voice express the sentiment is its own kind of knife.

He sighs, but it's shaken, as he holds Riley up -- maybe more than Riley needs -- on the way back. It isn't until they're under the tent and he has Riley sitting back down that he fetches a canteen. Xander kneels down, clasping it into Riley's hands. "Slowly," he commands. But Riley may not get the chance with Xander taking a moment to inspect his face, the look in his eyes, under his lids, his fingernails...

But he has to let go if he wants Riley to answer him, and he does, burying all that anxiousness and worry under a veil of anger.

"Where the fuck were you?!"

<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.

Slowly.

Riley wants to glug it all down on the spot, but... yeah, he'd probably die. He forces himself to take tiny sips that he can get down without doing much.

Meanwhile, Xander inspects him. He'll find him suffering from heat exhaustion, but not beyond a point that can be helped with water and shade and rest.

Where the fuck were you?!

Riley looks up from the canteen, and considers how to answer. He mimes looking off in the distance, making a visor of his hand. Then he mimes stabbing. Looking for someone to kill. He'd like to tell himself it's not technically a lie but... ... well, he did find people in town. He could have tried to poison one on his way out. But he was already exhausted at that point, and the place was crawling with Drifters...

<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.

Xander watches Riley drink, prepared to intervene if he becomes too greet with the water. He reaches out, but hesitates and keeps to himself, the memory of the night before blooming fresh in his mind.

Riley's aware and okay and he can handle this. He doesn't need Xander to make it worse. He needs Xander to fix it. Xander knows how to fix it. This can't keep waiting.

When Riley mimes his answer, Xander rests his face in the heel of his hand, swallowing. "Of course," he says, feeling dread and stupidity swirl all around him. Xander, sleeping the god damn morning away while Riley's desperate to have it end. "You -- you should have woken me..."

But all the anger and insistence he had earlier drains out of him. There's a reason Riley didn't. Maybe there's several.

(He doesn't imagine a single one of them has to do with trying to stop the coming hunt. He doesn't sense a lie at all.)

<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.

Riley is still pretty focused on the canteen. This is going to take a while. He gives a guilty look over it as Xander laments not being woken up.

...No, he couldn't have woken him up for what he was doing. But he could have left a note explaining some lie or other. He thought Xander would sleep longer and he'd get back quicker. Of course, if Xander hadn't come looking for him and met him out here, he might not have made it back at all.

Riley reaches for Xander without a clear plan, he wants to embrace him but suspects he's still too overheated for that, so instead he just tries to pet him a little. He is sorry he worried you, Xander.

He's not sure if he's sorry for what he really did. It's complicated.

<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.

Xander tenses with the petting. Again with Riley thinking he's got to take care of him. Why can't Xander keep it together?! He straightens to look Riley in the eye, but seeing his face, and feeling the weight of the silence makes his gaze jerk away in embarrassment.

He shifts to gather some supplies, dampening a cloth so he can reach up to gently pat the sides of Riley's neck, then his forehead, hoping to help cool him down and get his complexion back to what it ought to be.

"You look exhausted," he says. "We're not going anywhere until you've rested a little. And get that water down."

Riley's not going anywhere, Xander silently decides. This can't afford to wait, and Riley can't afford to push himself. But it was alone that Xander did this before.

...And better he does it alone again.

<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.

Xander does not look reassured by the petting. Riley's look becomes guiltier.

But then there is a cool cloth, and Riley has to stop himself again from unthinkingly making noise; this time it would have been an 'ahh' of happiness. (He still doesn't know this is more or less what got him in trouble the previous night). He does close his eyes to relish the coolness.

We're not going anywhere until you've rested a little.

Riley nods. He isn't sure he could disobey at this point if he wanted to. But at least this means Xander isn't going to massacre any towns before he's recovered. Maybe another tactic for stopping him would be to play sicker than he is. Could it backfire if he just delayed the attack by a few days? The Drifters might get tired of waiting around for them and leave... or at a certain point, Xander might decide not to bring him. Riley doesn't realize that point has already come.

<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.

Xander mercifully has no idea how close he came to repeating the events of last night. He brushes back Riley's hair, dabbing at his temples before draping the cloth to the back of Riley's neck, then reaches to check his pulse.

"You haven't put yourself in critical condition," he says. "But please don't do something like that again."

Not that it's going to matter soon. Once the thorns are gone, Riley will build the fortitude back to act with all the impulsive whimsy he wants.

They need to be gone tonight. It's a terrifying idea, leaving Riley behind now that it's this bad. But Riley would demonstratively better off sleeping without Xander's company.

"Did you even get enough sleep?"

<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.

But please don't do something like that again.

Riley smiles apologetically.

How did they get here, anyway, with him promising not to push himself too hard while he's infested by evil curse thorns? With him sending heroes after them so they won't murder a second town?

It seems like one half step in a different direction anyhere long the journey could have led them to a completely different life. Maybe if he'd told Xander a different joke one day during their early adventures, things would have been just different enough that he'd never have stumbled across the Fangs. Or if he'd just told him how he felt...

Did you even get enough sleep?

Riley shrugs. Whether he did or not, he sure feels tired, now.

He sips carefully at the canteen while Xander tries to cool him off, and contemplates his sphere. He never managed to get a 'thank you' in there, did he? He hopes if they do die tomorrow, they can be reborn somewhere nice and try again. Is there any chance it works like that...?

<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.

"You don't look like you did," Xander huffs. It would be fortunate, if Riley could fall asleep now. If that meant Xander could relieve the pain that much sooner, give Riley his voice and his life back -- if he could save him, the only way he ever managed to save him before.

Isn't that why he's here, entwined with Riley like this? Drawn in and wrapped up in it, able to carry half the weight of it, and continue forward, one step at a time into a future they couldn't have otherwise.

Except... there's something that's beginning to feel unsettlingly final in his conviction. Riley's concerns itch in the back of his mind.

But none of that can be allowed to matter.

Xander gets up to remake their sleeping space. "It won't hurt you to lie down, once you've hydrated. Do you need me to bring you your notebook, or are you too tired to talk?"

<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.

Riley makes a grasping motion in acceptance of Xander's offer of his notebook, and concentrates on getting more water down so he can rest. Once he's had all he feels he can safely swallow and Xander has finished setting their tent back up, he does lie down, scrawling a note while he rests on his side and offering it up to Xander. It says: 'Thank you. I love you. You should give me more words for my sphere.'

<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.

Xander flinches when he reads the note, eye a little wide. It's nothing Riley hasn't said, but the writing makes it feel so permanent and etched in. Spoken words are said and gone. This continues staring at him.

He looks from the note to Riley, managing a small, dismissive grunt. But he also leans in, pressing a kiss to his temple and lowering his voice.

"What do you want me to say?"

<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.

What do you want me to say?

Ah, is he really going to do it? Riley's power must have grown. He considers, and scrawls another note, handing it to Xander. 'Nice things. It's mostly got grumbling and weird Magilou stuff.'

Then he settles a little and closes his eyes, sleep beckoning, and leaves Xander to his own devices to figure out what to do or not do with the sphere.

<Pose Tracker> Xander Lovell has posed.

"Nice things," Xander repeats, one half sarcastic malicious compliance, and another stalling. "All the nice things I could say wouldn't work played back at me." It's part of what's made cooperating so difficult. Everything he says can and will be used against him! Even if they're only fitting to be said to Riley.

Maybe not the one thing. The thing staring him in the face.

He looks away, hand over his mouth as he murmurs it. "...I love you, too."

But when he looks back, Riley's eyes are closed. Xander's hair bristles, but he silences the urge for an incredulous remark. He picks up the unattended sphere, considering it. Riley could well wake up before Xander finishes the hunt, and he doesn't want him panicking the way Xander himself had earlier.

It won't take long.

---

Riley wakes to Xander's absence. In the space where Xander normally sleeps beside him, he's left a torn page of his own notebook. A small pouch of round, red candies sits on top of it, arrow drawn to connect them to a line of Xander's neatly printed handwriting, and joined by a sketch of a pair of cherries:

Put these on your tongue. They'll dissolve slowly without you needing to chew or swallow.

Another arrow points to the sphere, this one labeled with a music note.

Listen to this (or don't, I don't care) and try to relax.
Don't worry, I didn't record over any of your stupid stolen words.
Not that you're going to need them. The thorns will disappear soon, if they haven't by the time you read this.

After that, the letters become shaken, written by an increasingly unsteady hand. There's a droplet of perfume on the page, splattered in a way suggesting it was accidental. Citrus and cinnamon -- what he uses to steady himself under stress, and what he uses to block out the smell of blood.

If I don't return by tomorrow morning, then you were right.

The next several lines are scrawled out and scratched through, Xander trying to hide them under new layers of charcoal, but too rushed to make them truly illegible:

If you can still look
As long as you want me
I'll always


Until finally deciding on:

Reach for me, and I'll come back to you.
We're both going to make it through this.

<Pose Tracker> Riley Arwell has posed.

Riley wakes sometime in the night, feeling vaguely like he had a nice dream.

He doesn't immediately find Xander's absence alarming; he went to sleep at an odd time, and his waking mind doesn't quite register that it's not an odd time for sleeping anymore. Besides, Xander is a known insomniac and... ... he's got a note and some presents. Riley picks it up to read it. The first bit explains the candies; he helps himself to a candy while he reads on. When did Xander find the time to make a new formulation? But they really do melt the way he said...

Next is the sphere. Riley turns it on, and starts with surprise as Xander's sad lullaby begins to play. That's... amazing, that's beautiful, did Xander really sing for him...? Ha -- is that why he's hiding!?

Not that you're going to need them. The thorns will disappear soon, if they haven't by the time you read this.

Riley's nerves start to jump as he finally gets an inkling of what's going on. A hand goes to his throat. The thorns are still there, but for how long?

The memory pricks at him, the last time Xander left him like this, and the way all his pain suddenly melted away. It's horrible and it's tantalizing.

Not again, Xander. Don't save him like this, going off alone and burying yourself in terror and death.

How long ago did he leave? Is there still time to stop him? There's no way of knowing. What else is there for Riley to do besides what he did last time?

He takes off for the place where he knows he'll find Xander, praying that this time he isn't too late.