2021-07-08: The Truth in the Shadows
- Log: The Truth in the Shadows
- Cast: Pearl, White Knight Leo
- Where: Mt Gagazet
- Date: July 08, 2021
- Summary: Leo had questions. Pearl wanted to give him answers. Unburdening for one means burdening the other.
<Pose Tracker> Pearl has posed.
Pearl is getting used to the caves of Gagazet. Certainly, there are fiends, but if one is careful one can find peace and quiet. At least for a time. She's had a lot of thinking to do lately, and a lot of concerns.
And a lot of going through a conversation in her head, trying to work out how it ends. She's not having much luck.
Where she is now has at least two exits, but there are only so many ways you can go on Gagazet. One of them is almost certainly a dead end, and the others only go back towards the base or Zanarkand. She can't run far.
So right now she sits, staring at nothing, her staff propped up next to her and her cloak wrapped around her, and a green and black tartan blanket across her lap. It's cold in here.
<Pose Tracker> White Knight Leo has posed.
It hasn't been that long since the confrontation with Gon. Was he the last obstacle before Zanarkand, and Yuna? Leo hopes so, but in his heart, he doubts it. Things rarely go so smoothly.
Someone's approaching. Pearl's light casts them in silhouette, tracing out their features--a big, broad-shouldered frame, a fur cloak trailing out behind, a horn protruding from their forehead. It shouldn't take Pearl any effort to put the pieces together, even before she hears the intruder's voice.
"...Lady Pearl?" It's Leo. Of course it is. He stops a respectful distance from her, his breath misting in the air. He's tried to rehearse this, but every time, he's been unsure what to say. What can he say?
<Pose Tracker> Pearl has posed.
Pearl goes rigid when she hears the approach, but when she sees the silhouette, she relaxes a little. Leo's presence is reassuring and worrying both. She turns to look at him. but doesn't meet his eyes. She looks tired. "...Good day, White Knight." It still doesn't feel right to call him Commander, like she used to, and she never used his name. The fact that she's using her title, she's not sure how to respond.
She's silent for a little while, but she indicates for him to come closer. "...You deserve answers." *Why tell him anything? Hiding things what you do.* She looks away again. "...I am... not sure where to start. There is a lot to say. And you will dislike much of it."
She takes another few moments to compose herself, and takes a deep breathe, that crystalizes in the air. "...I just ask that you do not act until I am finished." It would not do well to end her pilgrimage being cut down by the hero of Althena.
<Pose Tracker> White Knight Leo has posed.
Leo sees that change in Pearl's posture, and it's telling in its own right. Looking back on it, he's not sure he's seen Pearl relaxed, even in the company of her comrades. But she's rarely out-and-out shown tension, either. It's yet another enigma on the giant pile that is Pearl's current status.
Leo's hands move towards his pockets--it's cold, after all, even with gloves on--but he thinks better of it after a moment. Her instincts might tell her that's a potential threat. "...I promise," Leo says, touching a hand to his heart. The look in his eyes grows pained, but solemn. "Just--tell me everything. I've grown weary of conspiracies." Which isn't Pearl's fault.
<Pose Tracker> Pearl has posed.
That was not the reaction she expected. But maybe that's why she has trust in Leo. Why she somehow believes in him. Despite herself.
*Time for him to hate you. As he should. No good man could believe in a monster like you.*
"Everything, then?" She asks, this time looking Leo in the eyes, if just for a moment. Her grey eyes look worried, before they look away. "I... should start with what happened most recently. That is most relevant to you. And then if you still wish to listen, I will explain the rest."
She takes a breath. She knows Jean is there, somewhere, but she left Leo Jr with Pani as they prepared to leave. The Guado girl seemed very fond of him, and their path is rough. She knows he'll be back when he's done. "...Were you aware, when Ivan was still with us, he was looking for a spy in the guard? Someone who had infiltrated?" She waits a beat. "I am that spy. I was planted here by the Shadow Dragon Cult. Knowing what I know now, I don't know why."
That's one uncomfortable truth already, before the second comes out. This one seems harder and easier all at once. "And... I am the one who killed Blue Master Lunn." She can imagine the thoughts running through Leo's head right now. The despair. She's not sure if what she says next will make it worse. She had thought about hiding it- Leo had suffered enough betrayal. But he needed to know. "And I did that because..."
"...Because he was the head of the Shadow Dragon Cult."
<Pose Tracker> White Knight Leo has posed.
Leo's gaze grows distant. He thinks back to his conversations with Ivan, putting a hand to his chin as his eyes flick down towards the cavern floor. "...No," he says. "I don't remember him mentioning a--"
A spy. Because the spy was right under his nose the entire time. Leo slowly lowers his hand, and looks back up at Pearl, completely silent. "That's..." He smiles a weary smile, as if encouraging Pearl to come on tell him the real truth. That smile only lasts for a few moments. Leo sucks in a breath, his face hardening; he closes his eyes, sets his jaw, and feels the bitter sting of betrayal as it bites into him yet again. "You came forth," he says, and his voice wavers a little, as if he's trying to reassure himself--
He has no words for what Pearl says next. He holds himself very still, but he feels his chest tighten with sudden, red-hot anger all the same. His hands begin to tremble, and it isn't the cold at work. It takes everything he has to hold himself to his promise. Someone less devoted wouldn't even consider it, in the wake of such a revelation.
'...Because he was the head of the Shadow Dragon Cult.'
Leo's mouth falls open. His jaw works, but no words come out. Finally, he lets out a sound--a wheezing sigh--and puts a hand to his forehead, bowing his head. "Goddess," he breathes. He looks back at Pearl, pain and confusion and desperation plain on his face. "How. Why? None of this--" Pause. Breathe. "Is General Heldalf threatening you? Is that--"
<Pose Tracker> Pearl has posed.
She knew it would hurt. She knew it would hurt Leo greatly. He trusted her. *More fool him.* She looks away staring into darkness. He asked for the turth. He deserves the truth. But... does he deserve the suffering truth brings? Pearl swallows, waiting for it to settle in. She turns to Leo and looks... sad. That disappointment is powerful.
And then he tries to justify, and Pearl shakes her head. "Commander," a slip, "Heldalf had nothing to do with this. I was not even aware he was here." She's trying to be honest, but she's lied to him for so long. "This was entirely my own action. But I did not know who he was when I fought him." Another pause. "...I am going to show you something."
She reaches into her pack, and pulls out a mask, broken and cracked. She places it on the ground. She looks almost afraid to touch it- Pearl, who has not once shown fear- and she looks away from it. "...That is my master's mask. I took it from him while he still drew breath. Underneath it was the Blue Master. I spoke to him, I asked him why. And then I drove a knife through his heart and ensured he was dead." She doesn't touch the mask again. Not yet.
"I will tell you something else." She takes a breath. "My oldest memory is my parents lying in pools of their own blood. I was young, I don't know how young. I can't remember what they looked like, their faces. But I can remember my Master's hands- Lunn's hands- crushing my throat until I lost consciousness." She looks down. "Are you sure you want me to continue?"
<Pose Tracker> White Knight Leo has posed.
Leo reels. His houghts swirl in circles, spiraling downwards through grief, anger, regret, rationalization. This can't be what it looks like--surely Pearl's misinterpreting something. But Lunn is no longer among the living, and cannot speak for himself. All he has is Pearl's account, and her damning accusation. "Are you certain?" Leo breathes. He looks at her with pleading eyes. "He himself said that he was doing what the Goddess was..."
He can't finish the thought. Pearl is confessing to grievous crimes--to spying on the Guard from within, and who knows what else. Leo clenches his fists. Mist wells up in his eyes, and he blinks it away.
The White Knight stares at the mask, long and hard, once it settles on the floor. "The Blue Master," Leo whispers. "Why?" He looks back up at Pearl, listens to her as she speaks. "Why--why would he--?" His body shakes. His face twists as he looks down at that mask. "Yes," he says, heat rising in his voice. "Who--who else was using me? Using us?"
<Pose Tracker> Pearl has posed.
She was wrong. She should have borne it herself. She should have let him think Heldalf did it. She should have disappeared, and gone forth alone. She should never have reunited with them. She looks down at the dirt. "...Commander..." No, she has no right to call him that. Then... "Leo." It feels strange, coming out of her mouth. But she's trying to be calm, to be calming. She's not good at this, but she's learned.
"I... cannot speak to everything. I only know some of it. Lunn sort strength above all else. I can only tell you what he told me." When she speaks next, the words etched into her mind, her intonation is exactly how Lunn spoke it. "Because violence and pain is the point. Because suffering is something. This world is empty -- meaningless. Pain, suffering, and strength... that gives it meaning." When she speaks again, her own voice is back. "That's the sort of man my master was. A monster."
She takes a long, slow breath. "Aftewards, I disappeared. I was afraid of something, that I did not want to admit to myself." And then, perhaps inappropriately, the smallest of smiles appears on Pearl's face.
"But I was right. You were still a good man. Despite it all. That's why I am telling you this now." *Even though it hurts, like having your heart ripped out.* Does that help? She doesn't know. She takes a moment, before continuing. Leo might need it.
<Pose Tracker> White Knight Leo has posed.
None of this is right.
In his youth, Leo looked up to the original Four Heroes, and the others who came to bear the same titles. He idolized the Dragonmaster, and the Shepherd. As he grew older, he saw the strife and corruption in the world, and felt that maybe it was time for new heroes--even if Althena no longer spoke to the people, he would bring them hope. The people still went to Pentagulia, but they were afraid; the priesthood was weak, and bandits plied the roads, preying on pilgrims. Leo gathered like-minded souls to his banner, and together, they took up a cause that many felt was foolish. In time, though, the Guard became a force in its own right, and Leo a commander on par with those forged by Glenwood's wars.
The day Althena returned and appointed him White Knight was one of the proudest days of his life. The Goddess Herself proclaimed him a worthy successor to the likes of Dyne and Alex.
Now it's all turned to ashes in his mouth. If Lunn was able to conceal his true nature, what does that say about Borgan? About himself? Goddess--what about--
What about Mauri?
"The Goddess chose him," Leo whispers. His hands twitch as he listens to those words, hears the cruelty in them. "No. No, that's not true. Those are the words of a nihilist, a madman--" He forces himself to stop, to breathe. "But... was it him? Was he the one who sealed that--that thing in the Sealing Rods?"
Even if he was, Leo thinks, he wasn't the one who declared war. He wasn't the one who heaped more suffering on a land already piled high with the dead. For a moment, he meets Pearl's gaze, and he sees that hope, that trust. It feels like a knife in his heart. It shouldn't. Or should it?
"Who can we trust?" Leo whispers, and he forces himself to turn back to Pearl, to meet her eyes, to include her in that statement. "If Lunn held such ideals, then..."
Leo swallows. "And where, pray tell, did you learn to Summon?"
<Pose Tracker> Pearl has posed.
Pearl is good aat reading people. She learned it through hard work and training, but there's limits to what she can guess. But she had many throughts about the other heroes. About the other goddess. She doesn't float the worse outcome, the one she suspects:
r That the Goddess knew all along.
"There's a pause, and Pearl looks confused. "The sealing rods?" She had known about them, but not what had happened. Leo changes the topic, however.
"...Do you remember when it appeared Seymour had killed me? When I dissapeared?" She takes another second, looking down. That look seemed to hurt. She didn't help. "I pretended to be a Kilikan citizen who wished to become a Summoner. I was attempting to kill Seymour." She's about to say something, but she stops herself. "I... want to say it was to end the war, but it wasn't. My pride was hurt. But Yevon took me in, treated me kindly and taught me what I needed to know. Until my master called me back, and I attempted to kill Seymour and failed again."
There's another pause. "But... you can't just learn to be a Summoner. You have to have the potential. The ability to hear the Fayth. To commune with them. I had expected I would just fail." She looks aside. "But the second time when I infiltrated... when I thought I might be able to end the siege, and the war, the Fayth of Leviathan was there. And they spoke to me." That faint smile is there again. "I panicked, and they drove me away, and you know what happened next." Another pause. "But when everyone else was leaving, and I said I would aid Lady Kaguya, that was another lie."
She puts a hand on her staff. "I... heard about a shrine, tended by a lone a summoner. And I thought it might be worth it. It might allow me to fight Him." Leo can easily put together who. "...And there I met Summoner Belize, and they gave me a chance. And Leviathan found me worthy, and added their power to my own."
<Pose Tracker> White Knight Leo has posed.
"The one used to seal away Kilika's Fayth," Leo says. He looks down, and clasps his hands. "The one that nearly sealed Leviathan's." What a strange, ironic turn of events, he thinks. He looks back up at Pearl again. "I'll... explain once you're finished," he decides.
And Leo listens. He knew that Pearl had prepared a cover identity, but he hadn't known the full extent of it--not even after Seymour and Gon and Belize called her traitor. That she'd managed to get so close, while experiencing things she'd been cruelly denied as a Cultist... Leo doesn't know what to think.
"How fortunate, then, that we failed," he says, his lips twisting in a bitter smile. "Belize broke the blockade of Bevelle long enough for a few ships to slip free. They set off on a course to find Leviathan's Fayth, and bring it--" Pause. "--Then home. We gave chase, hoping to seal the Fayth, as we had done to the Fayth of Kilika. We caught up with them as they lifted the statue from the ocean depths, and Lady Liath herself tried to set the rod upon it..."
"But Belize intercepted her, and in the struggle, the rod broke. It unleashed something horrible--not Malevolent, but horrifically close. It took everything we had to put down the creature it empowered. And then..." Leo actually manages the ghost of a smile. "I bid Belize go, and take their Fayth with them. I had no idea that Fayth would speak to you. They... they aren't in pain, are they? They aren't imprisoned?"
<Pose Tracker> Pearl has posed.
Pearl nods at Leo's decision. But he's alright with their failure? Probably for the best. She wouldn't be where she is, who she is now. As Leo explains what it was, what it is, she grips her staff tighter, and something in her roars. Leviathan remembers, even if Pearl doesn't, but she keeps their anger inside.
"I... I see..." She looks down, trying to hide the horror on her face. The fear that she could have lost this. *When did you start being so afraid? Coward.* She shakes her head. "No. The Lord of All Waters is as free as they can be, while Sin remains." She nods quietly. "They are with me, as they have been since that day. A part of me I never knew was missing." Perhaps, that might explain the change.
"But... I do not know if that was Lunn's doing. But it does not seem..." She looks for the word. "Like his methods. He only cared about proving the Shadow Dragon Style was the strongest, about his own strength. He has done horrible things, to so many people, so many children..." She's drifted back to the last topic, despite Leo's asttempt to change things. She can't help it, it's on her mind. "But that doesn't help your concerns. I am sorry."
<Pose Tracker> White Knight Leo has posed.
"You seemed... freer," Leo admits, with the shrug of a shoulder. "At first I'd thought you'd grown disillusioned with us, and our failures--but seeing you defend my people was... it was as though you were a completely different person. I was confused, angry, grieving. But what you've become, despite everything, I--"
"I can't help but admire your resilience. You'd suffered in silence for so long, and I knew nothing. None of us did. But you're alive." Leo looks down. "I don't know what else to say."
Actually, yes, yes he does.
The White Knight looks Pearl in the eye, regret written on his features. "I acted under dubious orders, and incorrect knowledge of the Fayth. Tell Leviathan I deeply regret what happened."
Leo doesn't realize that Pearl doesn't need to.
<Pose Tracker> Pearl has posed.
"...Freer. I suppose." She had changed. Leviathan had changed her. Or had they simply helped to sweep away what so many years of suffering and hatred had crusted over her soul.
*Or are you just a monster.*
"I do not deserve your praise," she says, despite what Hiro and Jean had told her. "Even if the knife was at my throat, I still did what I did. Sometimes without prompting. Sometimes just..." *Just to hear the screams.* Tears are in Pearl's eyes. Pearl, who never showed emotion outside of anger. Pearl, who, suggested the underhanded plans and brutal methods. Who had pursued her duty in a way that left corpses more than alive arrests. A violent zealot.
She brushes them away. She doesn't deserve tears. "Now I can just... try and act in such a way as to try and counteract some of what I've done. Or sit and face justice, but I cannot do that until I fulfill my promise to Leviathan. Until I face Sin."
Leo asks his question, and Pearl's soul rumbles. "...I see." She pauses. "Leviathan... is not a being for apologies. They are a being of action. I think I can speak for them when I say this: What do you intend to do now?" It's a hard question, Pearl knows it, and she took the easy answer. The answer Leviathan wanted. Leo's anwer, however, isn't for him alone. It's a much harder answer.
<Pose Tracker> White Knight Leo has posed.
What can Leo say to that? People--good people--died because of him, his pride, his insistence on following the Goddess' orders. The guilt settles in his throat like a hot coal, and it takes him a good minute or so to even approach an answer. "You're taking the first step, then," Leo says. "That's all I can ask of you."
Leviathan, however... that's more complicated. Everything Leo knows about the Fayth has come from Summoners, and they haven't exactly been forthcoming since the war started. "First," the White Knight says, "I intend to lend my aid to Lady Yuna in any way I can. The cycle must be broken. Spira must be set free."
Leo's breath hitches. He hesitates a moment, well aware that what he wants to say could be considered heresy. "And once that is done, I will return to Pentagulia, and find the treasonous dogs who used us to defile the Fayth. They must answer for their crimes, regardless of who they are, or what fell power they wield."
<Pose Tracker> Pearl has posed.
Pearl stares at her feet as she waits for Leo to speak. It takes a while. She should not have put them in that place. "...I see." She expected worse. Disdain, a demand to pay for her crimes. *What you deserve.* So why.... Why did so many think she was worthy of kindness? Of pity? Before it would make her angry, but right now it confuses her. She can't understand it.
But when he finally speaks, that's resolve. He still has it in him. "...In that case, our goals align. If Lady Yuna can end this, then there is hope." She pauses. "And if I survive this..." She pauses. She shouldn't commit to another cause, not now. She shouldn't keep throwing her freedom away. "...if I can help, I will." Even if she feels there's no place for her in Althena's guard, there is a rot there. And maybe Leo could cut it out.
And then there's a familiar noise coming down the hallway. Pearl's little Guardian. Leo Jr, seeing both of them, bounces a few times and then rolls down hill to crash into Pearl's blanketed feet. With a small smile, she picks him up, and then stands up. "...Leo. I have given you much reason to be distressed. I don't know if it will work, but..." She holds the onion friend to the White Knight, in an offer to hold himn. "Sometimes he can help. I don't know how, but..." Well, she has good reason to not understand 'comforting'. Leo Jr has a firm, determined expression as he 'nods'. "Fyu!" The littlest Guardian cannot heal all wounds, but he can help with some.