2021-10-28: Thoughts and Feelings
- Log: Thoughts and Feelings
- Cast: Seraphita, Azoth
- Where: Facility Celesti Alpha
- Date: October 28, 2021
- Summary: Seraphita's mission to befriend Azoth is progressing well.
<Pose Tracker> Seraphita has posed.
Facility Celesti Alpha is not a large base, by Solarian standards. It's more of a scout post for the Wastelands, but it has the advantage of being centrally located on the largest island in the southern Aquvy archipelago, so it's pretty common for people to stop in briefly on their way to other places.
The facility is underground in a place that isn't travelled much by people and thus has an easy job to go unnoticed. It's built under a Celesti war-era bunker, expanded by Solarian work to be a small scouting base, stopover point, and Gear refueling station.
That's what Seraphita uses it for. If you're going anywhere in this part of the archipelago and you need to check in first, you have good odds of coming here. She's gotten used to it over the last few months!
There's a Gear hangar here, and Seraphita is not in it. Nor is she in the gym, or taking a nap in an extra bunk.
She is actually in the mess hall, what there is of one. Everybody's got to eat! Seraphita has actually just finished but hasn't really left yet, making her relatively easy to find - she wasn't moving around for the last while.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Seraphita said she wanted to be Azoth's friend, to which Azoth bitterly calculated that as an impossible outcome. It didn't matter how bubbly, friendly, and optimistic Seraphita was. It didn't matter if Lydia liked her. It didn't matter if Seraphita saw him as a person herself. At the end of the day, he was an asset in her arsenal who was programmed to cooperate. He could be friendly at her request, but never friends. The seeds of trust could never be planted.
He could not conceive any actions or behaviors she could possibly take that existed outside that framework.
...
...
...
Azoth was beginning to think Seraphita already left the base. The mess hall is the last place he looks -- an android without an appetite doesn't belong there. But it was too late to pretend like he hadn't been searching exclusively for her.
"Seraphita," Azoth greets, but seeing her makes him have no idea what to do with his face. Seraphita prefers honesty, and he still doesn't know what that is. If it's a matter of communicating his current internal feedback accurately...
Well. There is a lot of it. And he's only got one face.
What settles in it is the shocked uncertainty itself, which feels like a loophole of some sort.
<Pose Tracker> Seraphita has posed.
Of all the people to expect to show up in the mess hall, Azoth is not one of them.
Well, sort of. Seraphita was pretty sure she was going to end up talking to him soon; she just wasn't expecting it here and now. And, critically, she hadn't seen him come in; there are people going in and out occasionally even if this place is small, so she'd stopped paying attention.
"Aah!" Seraphita startles in her seat, but recovers quickly. "Oh! It's you! Hi, Azoth!" She doesn't quite think they're close enough for her to drop a nickname on him quite yet... but she thought about it.
She knew he'd be surprised. But he looks shocked. "Is everything OK?" she asks. "You look kind of... whoosh! Like everything hit you all at once." The loophole seems like a pretty accurate state of his mind, honestly.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
That they aren't completely alone has become a less important variable in this scenario. Azoth's not concerned with the opinions of anyone else in Solaris right now.
But Azoth continues to stare at Seraphita in silence. A super computer that can process multiple potential responses in parallel, and he cannot calculate a single sufficient word even as the seconds continue to pass.
His expression wavers just to show any hint of movement at all, because otherwise Azoth's calculating that he must look like his system's frozen entirely.
Then, at a loss of everything else, Azoth moves forward to take Seraphita gently by the shoulder and, provided she does not squirm or flinch away, pull her into a hug.
Hugs aren't things Azoth's well practiced with, but he mimics the one she'd surprised him with before, tightness included.
<Pose Tracker> Seraphita has posed.
They're not precisely alone but there's not *many* people in here. It's the wrong hour for the locals to be eating; Seraphita basically just grabbed a ration tray because she had been on a schedule for elsewhere. Just, sometimes people go through now and again.
It might draw attention, but Seraphita doesn't seem worried about it. Seraphita seems more worried about Azoth. Did something go wrong? Did she just *not show up*?
But then Azoth reaches out. Seraphita does not flinch away - rather the reverse, because she's kind of a huggy person. She wraps her closer arm around him.
"I guess you found out?" she says, after a few moments. "I'm glad! I was hoping you would, I wanted to surprise you but I wasn't sure how? I mean, I wasn't sure how to *show* you without making it look like I was showing off. So I just thought I'd let you meet, and... I guess you did!"
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth ventures a squeeze tighter when Seraphita returns the hug herself.
Maybe he'd laugh if he knew how. Seraphita knows what she did, but it's hard to tell how much she understands of what it meant. Maybe more than she lets on. Or maybe she doesn't think it's her place to act like she does.
He finally relents to look back up at her. "Oh, it was definitely a surprise...! I thought I was malfunctioning!" He looks to his feet. Easier to calculate expressions without eye contact. It's just a benefit that it also comes off as hesitant. "Thank you. I don't know what to say."
The only conclusion he's managed to come to is he doesn't know the right words that can possibly cover this gesture. Even showing off to him has little meaning. Seraphita doesn't need to gain any favor with Azoth to secure cooperation. He already made that clear.
Azoth brings his hand to his eye. He can't cry, but the gesture feigns like he might be. "...I want to ask why, but I don't think I'll be getting any data you haven't already told me."
<Pose Tracker> Seraphita has posed.
Seraphita is simultaneously extremely easy and very hard to read. Easy, because everyone seems to know what she's thinking and how she's feeling. Hard, because ... is that really everything? Is she actually being open and honest? It's a rare trait in Solaris for a number of reasons.
"Nope! It's real," Seraphita says. "...you can sit down if you want, it might make it easier." Whether he does or not, she continues: "I said. I don't think it's right. The way they treat demihuman Third Class... I wouldn't do anything like that, so I asked if she wanted to work for me."
"I know you don't work for me, but I thought... you work *with* me. So maybe you could at least see her. Everybody has a job but it doesn't keep people busy *all* the time! Not even me," Seraphita says, smiling again.
"Plus, you were right. You do have the same hair!"
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth has learned to always look for something else in people. It's reading between the lines that produces accurate results and helps him respond accordingly. But what could Seraphita possibly be up to with this? He's reasonably certain she isn't playing at increasing her survival odds for a hypothetical robot uprising.
He sits down with her prompting, and half smiles that Seraphita did notice the similarity. "But not the ears." He taps at his own rounded human shaped ones. "...For a long while, I didn't even know if she was alive. I know this isn't her getting to go home. It's still... here." He looks over the mess hall, because it's the piece of Solaris that's right in front of him and will have to represent the whole of it for now. No matter Seraphita's attempts to ease the pain of it, Solaris is still a prison. And even Seraphita herself isn't free of all the chains involved. "But now she has more than a cramped space to move in, and machines to work with."
Azoth's gaze lands back on Seraphita, his eyes brighter in intensity, but undercut by the pleading edge in them. "She's safe with you, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Seraphita has posed.
Seraphita's survival rate in the inevitable robot uprising is probably pretty good, if only because there aren't enough robots.
"Well, we can't all be perfect!" Seraphita grins, her own floppy ear flicking slightly. That was probably a joke - and one that, with anyone else in Solaris, would not go over well. (Maybe Lydia. Dominia if she wasn't so serious. But mostly nobody.) But she's pretty sure in Azoth's case it is both appropriate and kind of funny.
She looks more serious, at least for a moment. "It's here, but she's not going to be closed up. That's wrong. I want Solaris to be good for everyone who's a part of it. That means her and that means you too! And if I can help, then I will."
Seraphita nods, slowly. This is serious for Azoth. "Definitely! She's safer than me, probably." Given Seraphita goes out to fight, and explore ruins, and do various other dangerous activities, and Ovelia is a mechanic - which certainly isn't one hundred percent safe, but is a lot safer than actively fighting. "But I'm not putting her anywhere dangerous or anything. And, and... nobody will tease her or anything about being a demihuman. Because if they do then they have to explain why to *me*."
Even someone as ranking as Seraphita is not safe from being talked about behind her back. But, usually, they won't do it to her face - and she isn't going to let them do it about other people, either.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth grins back with the joke, hand to mouth to at least mime stifling a laugh. With him it lands well, and not just because it wouldn't go over well in Solaris. But partially that. Despite the prejudice, Seraphita still maintains pride over it.
That's important.
"Not everyone thinks it means me," Azoth says with a sheepish smile. "I'm property of Solaris. Most don't consider me a 'part' of it."
Neither do they Ovelia, as Third Class. But if anyone in Solaris knows the general risks Ovelia would have to face and how to field them, it would logically be Seraphita. He lets the relief show, eyes dimming back to normal.
"...What does it mean to you, for Solaris to be 'good'?"
<Pose Tracker> Seraphita has posed.
Some pride, at least. Seraphita cannot hide what she is - some beastfolk can, but she's never been able to. She could probably cover her tail if she really tried, but her ears are too distinctive. People won't let her forget it, so she can at least own it.
"I don't see why you can't be," Seraphita says, stubborn. Why can't Azoth be? She can, and she's a demihuman - she used to be Third, though she's been promoted out of it. If he wanted to be -
But he doesn't, and that confuses things a bit. She's not sure what to say about that, so she doesn't. She just lets it float away.
She reaches for her drink - her food is long gone but there's still part of a bottle of water left. (Down in Celesti, you don't drink the local water until it's been filtered and treated, not if you want to stay happy and healthy.)
"I don't know how to say it," Seraphita says. "I tried once, to someone, but I'm not real good at words!" In her defense, Cyre hadn't been very receptive, but she doesn't make that excuse. "On the surface... people die, because the people in charge don't know a lot or don't care about anyone else. Solaris is - should be - different. Solaris is a place where people with skills, with talents, who work hard and do their best - it's people like that who should be in charge. Not of, like, everything... there's a lot of things I shouldn't be in charge of!"
no kidding
"But if you're good at something, you should be able to do it. And you shouldn't be put behind because - because someone gave the job to his cousin, or something, like some places on the surface." Or in Solaris. "There should always be an *opportunity*. That's what I got! Everyone should have one. Everybody should grow just as much as they can and do the best they can, for everybody! Not just for themselves. And then there's a place for you."
Seraphita wiggles one finger. "Which means you don't think, Third Class can't do this, or the demihumans are too stupid. Ovelia's not worse because of what she looks like and we both know it." Pause. "Except maybe at getting things off the top shelf but that's FINE, she can be good at other things. Maybe the -Lambs- don't know as much, but they can learn, too."
A meritocracy, in comparison to what Seraphita knows and understands about the surface, with merchant leaders and established nobles. It verges on things she shouldn't say, or think - things about the Ministry, or about the First Class. Or about the Lambs, not inherently lesser but merely (by and large) less knowledgeable, in need of guidance more than dominance. She says it anyway.
"And that means people like me, and people like you. Because you're a person too. I know Solaris isn't perfect, but it should get better, too. If we're all doing the best we can - everybody, doing what they're best at - isn't that good?"
She looks... optimistic. Hopeful. Even if she's bad at explaining herself, she really does believe in a meritocratic world, where everyone is looked at for who they are, rather than where they were born or what they look like.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
"Because it's more convenient if I'm not," Azoth tells her.
But she's right. He doesn't want to. Because after all they've done to him, all they've done to Ovelia, what they did to Falk... Solaris has become synonymous with hurt.
Seraphita may not be great with words, but Azoth is quiet and listens. He asks to challenge the idea as much as he asks to genuinely understand. It's baffling to him how someone of her disposition finds the good in it after where she was before she got where she is. But Azoth, logical AI that he is, believes that everyone makes sense, eventually, inevitably, once you realize what it is they truly want.
But he frowns a little once she's done. Her heart may be in the right place, but... Azoth frowns. There's much he can't speak of either. The overrides don't necessarily stop him from speaking against Solaris in the general sense, but if it starts to sound like the Rogue AI is trying to socially hack someone a second time...
He'll worry about that later.
"...As a machine, my value is determined by my usefulness -- my 'skill'. If a machine fails in being useful, then it may as well be scrap. It's a little scary, if I'm being honest... Knowing that I've got to operate within someone else's expectation of performance, or I may deprecate in value, and that that deprecation means a loss of quality of operation."
To put it mildly. Or his entire operation as it stands.
"Opportunity... It's a nice idea. Everyone becoming the best they can be. But who defines what 'best' is? And what 'opportunity' is? Who determines what it means to be skilled, and which skills are valued? What it means for those skills to benefit others?" He gives a nervous grin at Seraphita. "Well, maybe it's not something a machine like me can understand, but... I wouldn't discount the talents of people on the surface world too quickly as you try to put your idea together. You never know where you're going to find useful data."
<Pose Tracker> Seraphita has posed.
Azoth's first response hits Seraphita a little harder than she wants to let on. His value is determined by his usefulness...
Well, to an extent, so is hers. She fought for her position - not always with violence, but always by working three times as hard as anyone else. She knows she deserves it - but there are people who will say, if she doesn't keep doing it, if she doesn't push her limits, that she's slacking. That she can't keep up. That she doesn't deserve it.
Her lips narrow, and she looks away for a moment, hiding her eyes. It's an unfamiliar expression for Seraphita to take and the only sign that Azoth might have hit a little more deeply than he meant. But she can't show that, either. Other officers can show weakness, sometimes, but she never can.
"I don't know yet," Seraphita admits, a few moments later. She sounds fine. "But I think we can treat everybody better while we figure it out. Ovelia deserved better than to be put in a little room and that would be true no matter *what* she can do! Or can't. Unless she killed people and it's jail," Seraphita finishes, in the interest of fairness. "But she didn't because then I wouldn't have been able to ask her."
She looks at Azoth. "I don't!" she promises. And it's at least half true; Seraphita is good for a Solarian at listening to surface-dwellers, even if she has some bias she hasn't entirely worked through.
And then she smiles again. "But I really am glad you got to see her again."
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
The truth is, Azoth had meant to hit hard.
It doesn't mean the feedback is all positive when he watches Seraphita retreat into herself, the cheer drained out of her so much that he nearly expects the pink to go with it. She doesn't wilt, to her credit, and her answer -- that she doesn't know -- is the smartest one Azoth thinks someone could give in the situation.
There's hope in that, too.
"I think you're right," is what he says after it all. "Better means a lot, even if it isn't perfect." He smiles at Seraphita. "She definitely didn't kill anyone. Ah, I don't think she could reach their throats..."
He's allowed to say that because he knows Ovelia would laugh, then cheerfully go get a step stool.
"...I'm glad, too. Thank you, Seraphita."
This isn't a favor Azoth can repay, and even if he could, he isn't in position to do it. Anything she could have asked of him, Seraphita could already have gotten. The most logical conclusion, for now, is that she really does want things to be better.
Maybe that is someone he can be friends with.