2020-02-27: Asking You
- Log: Asking You
- Cast: Loren Voss, Anaitis Sura
- Where: Damzena Desert
- Date: February 27, 2020
- Summary: Loren comes out about his feelings for Anaitis.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
There aren't, as a rule, a great many bandits in the desert. Intelligence claims it's because of the Merian knights.
Loren's pretty sure that it's because of the heat. Even Aveh wasn't as bad as this one is -- it's a miracle there are even scorpions living here, some days.
It would be a pretty good deal even so if his work meant that he didn't have to go out into it, that he could just either keep to the confines of either the air-conditioned interiors of the base or similarly of his Gear, but...
Though he really shouldn't be complaining.
The fact of the matter is that he's out here because...
"Hey. Are you doing okay?"
...it's a training exercise. Anaitis needs more field experience, so signing up for routine patrol with the engineer is a good way to get that without putting them in actual danger.
It's the only reason he's out here today, doing work that is otherwise way under his rank's duties.
There shouldn't be anything on this route that can be a hazard.
Other than the heat.
Schiehallion has been left a distance away yet, left in the lee of one of the wind-carved mesas of the desert.
"We can report in for this section if you want and head back to, uh, the Gear. It's getting pretty bad out here."
He shades his eyes with his hands, his glasses abandoned for this leg of the patrol work due to the sun -- Gears are good for most of the patrol but can't fit into some of the narrower slot canyons for the survey command requires.
He regards Anat for a long moment, in spite of the heat, in spite of everything.
Eventually, he's got to tell them. One hand clenches into a fist at his side before relaxing again.
<Pose Tracker> Anaitis Sura has posed.
Anaitis has shown themself to have a remarkable advantage when it comes to fighting desert footing. That is to say, how do you say--
They're sitting on their boat paddle with their legs to one side and just cheating the whole matter by flying as if they were a witch on a broom.
Training has been particularly fun for them too, as... well, it seems like they interact to any training exercise with a kind of particular unusual reaction. ('I see, so this is what they do for training...')
What a weirdo!
"Are you feeling too warm, Captain..." Anat pauses. "Ah, Loren. I have remembered."
Even in the desert, their hair, the flow of their clothes, seem to continue to shift and move as if it were an endless wave of water.
"I can cool you if it becomes necessary?"
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Frankly, Loren is a little baffled about the oar. He's assumed it's the result of some expression of Anaitis' Ether capacity -- strange things can happen, or so he's heard, with people with 'enough' talent...
For example, Elly made a good ten percent of their graduating class's heads explode.
...Even if he's not sure what, precisely, the cutoff between a typical expression of Ether and a higher talent might be.
Just that he doesn't have it. Even if he takes an unsafe dose of Drive, will it be enough to bridge that nearly insurmountable gap?
But even his failings fall to the wayside now.
When he's with...
"Uh?" he starts, when he's called by his name. --Right, he'd asked that they do that. "Y-yeah. Um,"
He's looking a little flushed, speaking of the heat.
"Anaitis. Is it okay if I... call you that?" Not Sura, not even Engineer Sura.
And then Anaitis says that he could cool him if it became necessary. "With... with water?" he manages to get out, his heart feeling like it's pounding in his chest. "I'm-- I mean, I'm okay. This is nothing."
It's incredibly hot out here which isn't helping the embarrassment situation and he's starting to feel like he kind of wants to die a little, but
"You're doing pretty well. Have you been out here before or something?"
<Pose Tracker> Anaitis Sura has posed.
It is peculiar, is it not. Anaitis, who mostly just uses their Crest Graphs when faced with a situation meriting any exertion of power rather than some expression of Ether -- yet it seems like they do have Etheric capability, albeit all in one metaphorical basket, the basket of Aqua. Water.
"Anaitis is fine. Anat is also fine. I heard that people create nicknames for each other," Anat answers rather softly, with a smile. "With water or ice... perhaps a cold drink, Loren?"
They leave it rather open to Loren's interpretation.
Loren comments that they're doing well. Have they been out here?
"No, and yet... well, flying is not terribly taxing. I was not called to fight anything so far."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
From anyone else a remark like that would have just led to him waving it off and then continuing along his lonely sulky way back to the Gear.
From Anaitis, as innocent as it is, it just seems to make him more flustered. Because it's so friendly, and most people just aren't? Or maybe just because a part of him likes hearing Anaitis call him by his name...
"No, that's... it's fine," he says, suddenly aware of the fact that his throat has indeed gone dry. "It's... yeah. People do that. ...With nicknames. 'Anat', huh..."
He leans back against a nearby rock -- sunwarmed -- and mulls this over. They haven't been out here before, but they're treating it as if it were 'everyday'. They only just now have been hearing about nicknames? He's been over Anat's medical charts -- he has access to those, or at least the parts that are publically available -- but it doesn't give him a lot of insight into the other person's history.
"...You're a little weird, aren't you?" he remarks, before his mind can really catch up to his mouth. Rather than reddening, the color outright drains from his face. "I-I mean, it's not a bad thing! I mean, I kind of-- with you, it's... kinda..." He bows his head, rubbing at the back of his neck.
'It's kinda cute', is what he doesn't say.
"...Sorry. That was rude. I just mean..."
I'm... tired of being a coward.
"...If Anaitis is a good person, they won't be upset if you like them, even if they don't like you back in the same way," Lan had said.
Right now, when it's just the two of them. Right now, even if he's just put his foot in it. ...It's now or never, he realizes, and he lifts his head, he looks Anaitis right in the eyes.
"...I like you, Anaitis."
And he knows he's going to have to explain this one, probably, and he's oddly okay with that.
<Pose Tracker> Anaitis Sura has posed.
Anaitis continues to let the desert air move their hair about in a way that almost seems faintly unnatural, but then again, is blessedly good hair that never tangles not a mark of a good Drifter or Antagonist?
Anat's medical charts seem remarkably... well, normal. No medical altercations or conditions to speak of. Nothing unusual. It almost feels like there should be something, like one thing or two off or abnormal, given the usual kinds of candidates Solaris tend to accrue.
"I am..." Anat sounds just a little taken aback as Loren comments on them being weird. "I am a bit... strange, yes."
They sound almost surprised and upset at that, but recovers quickly when Loren mentions that it is not in a bad way.
Loren apologises.
What does he mean?
He lifts his head and looks them right in the eyes. Those blue, reflective eyes, as if gazing into a pool of water.
... I like you, Anaitis.
He might have to explain. He probably expects to have to explain. But... Anat takes that moment with regard as they close their eyes, still seated on their boat oar. "Like..." they whisper.
"Loren."
It almost sounds very formal, for a moment. "When you say 'like', is it in the sense of..." They puzzle their head slightly diagonal. "In the way humans-- other people are attracted to one another? Like those young couples in Meria Boule."
Wow, that's almost uncharacteristically astute.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Loren, whose good hair days consist of 'it's not sticking up this morning', would be a little more jealous if his feelings towards Anaitis didn't project in a certain direction.
It's hard to feel too jealous about someone you... notice, from afar.
It's one of the reasons he'd gone looking in the chart -- not that you learn a lot from charts, as a rule, as he's found.
Unless you have cybernetics, in which case all bets are off.
But it had been normal. No health conditions -- presently or in the past. No injuries of note, not even 'dropped a hammer on their foot and needed a day off' sort of events. Vitals normal -- baseline normal, in fact.
Just a normal person.
Who managed to somehow be breathtakingly weird and breathtakingly stunning in the same moment.
As a general rule, Loren makes it his goal not to worry too much about other people's feelings. People hate him -- he's the one who killed his own classmates, without even having a blessing like Elly's to do it through -- and he's more than happy to generally return the favor. It's easier to deal with the moments -- like right now in fact, as he thinks on the accident fleetingly before shutting the mental door -- where it hurts that way.
All he cares about is doing his job, and seeing that other people do their jobs.
But that sound in Anat's voice just now... cuts straight through all of his emotional defenses and nearly takes him clean through the heart.
I'm an idiot, runs the thought, before he does his best to clean up after himself, so to speak.
Before he presses onward and gets at what he really means.
When he finally says what he's wanted to say.
The fingers of his left hand curl inwards towards the palm, not quite but instead only nearly a fist.
Like...
His mouth goes dry as Anaitis asks him to clarify, if by way of analogy.
Of particularly astute analogy.
"...Yeah," he utters, his voice sounding hoarse to him. He's glad the rock wall is behind him.
"Yeah, it's like that. ...I like you."
Even a little bit of silence seems oppressive right now, so perhaps that's why he goes on:
"I mean, well... you're cute, and... you're nice to me," he starts, a part of himself internally cringing at how stupid this is all sounding, "and... so... I'd like to get to know you better. I mean-- if you want to."
I, he decides in this moment, am an absolute loser.
<Pose Tracker> Anaitis Sura has posed.
Anaitis has no knowledge of the kinds of moods or feelings that Loren goes into. It may very well be that such closer observations is not something they have considered, and yet... they do observe. Do they not? The very unusual and strange and mundane kinds of things people do -- 'humans' -- sometimes, it slips from their lips.
Loren answers very softly, his voice not sounding hoarse to Anat, but perhaps to himself.
Anat decides to move a bit closer, still gliding effortlessly as if defying gravity on that boat oar of theirs.
That it is like that.
He likes them. They are... 'cute', the word almost gets a reaction, and they are 'nice' to them. There is something so decidedly ponderous about that, as something within Anat can sense that this is a ponderous moment for Loren. Something difficult. Something not easily said.
"I wonder..." Anat remarks for a moment, with some regret. "I am afraid it may end up... poorly."
It almost sounds like a rejection.
Their head shifts to the other side, their expression almost enigmatic as those painfully eternal seconds pass.
Then they look up towards Loren again, eyes full of clarity.
"But... you interest me as well, Loren. I full admit this. Every part of you... the Captain. The Medic. The pilot. The wonderful pie-eater and grog-drinker of the Meria Boule Festival... the way you feel 'stuffed' and unwell afterwards. The way you are upset when tin coins turned out to be wooden."
These are really, really, really weird examples.
But the smile on their face seems so genuine.
"You are so full of interesting things I find so charming."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Anaitis... is a truly weird person.
But in that -- despite of that, because of that -- he's found himself drawn to them.
They're assuredly, wholly, themself, unified in a way that Loren despairs of ever being. He's tried to be normal, himself. Tried. It didn't work out. He'd given up, turned away. Decided that he was, himself, going to be the odd one out and thus it would ever be. He had become resigned, accustomed to it.
A sin isn't so easily forgiven. It's no wonder nobody wanted...
And then he'd dared to hope. Even if he knows--
He lowers his gaze when it seems that he's being let down easy, in a sense. His shoulders slouch. It doesn't quite ease the ugly feeling of dejection, but he'd known, hadn't he?
So he just nods, stiffly, because what else is he supposed to do here? At least now he knows, and he can get back to--
"Uh?"
His gaze jerks up. He meets Anaitis' gaze. Confusion rules the day on the young medic's face: he's been thrust forward into some uncertain land, where he knows not his footing anymore. "Every part of... me?"
And he's not entirely sure if he's embarrassed or... what, when Anat lists the things that they like about him.
Because they're really, really weird things.
"Are those actually, um..."
He pauses a moment, as if to gather his thoughts, his face reddened in abject embarrassment that this is apparently what Anat has noticed about him.
"I mean, I hope those aren't my good qualities..."
Don't most people say things like, 'you have nice eyes' or 'a great smile' or something...?
But he can't help but -- in spite of kind of also wanting to crawl into a dark hole somewhere -- feel oddly a little bit touched that...
That...
Anaitis has been noticing him. Noticing him.
Even if it's in such weird damn ways.
"Oh... um. Thanks. I..."
He falls silent.
"What does this mean... now?"
<Pose Tracker> Anaitis Sura has posed.
"Forgive me," Anat answers with a seemingly easier laugh, "Perhaps it is in poor form to list those things, but I wanted to speak... earnestly. From the -- heart, as people say. Perhaps it is strange to list such idiosyncracies as I have... and yet..."
Their head bobs the other way.
"That is... simply what I am capable of right now."
What a weird statement to make. But-- 'now', Loren says?
Anat has an idea, and they take Loren by the hand and ease them onto the oar.
"I shall discover more of your qualities, together, with you," Anat expresses. "And for now... this is what I feel like doing."
And then they lift off, together, sailing effortlessly into the air as Anat takes Loren over a flying object over the desert to show them a whole new world, shining, shimmering splendid, a new fantastic point of viewwww--
(no)
"I hope you will not mind?" Anat answers, just a bit nervy, but still with a big smile on their face.
Even if it ends poorly... they think. But perhaps, not for the reasons Loren might think.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
"I guess not, but..." he hazards, diplomatic for once.
It's definitely weird but...
...I don't really think I care.
It's a weird statement to make about-- all of that. And Loren finds that he just doesn't care how weird or strange or odd or whatever it is.
Because this is 'yes', isn't it? This is as much -- more than -- anything he'd expected. It's a little scary. He feels warm. He feels light, almost like he's about to faint-- or like this isn't real.
But this isn't some dream, he's sure of it.
But now what? What does he do now? Or what do they do?
Anaitis has more initiative than Loren, and takes his hand. Loren follows without hesitation, allowing himself to be led.
He's-- going to have to read up on what you do when you're dating--
And that thought gets completely dislocated as he settles upon the oar (gingerly) and Anat declares that he wants to learn more of Loren's qualities. Together. With him.
"Oh," Loren utters, and perhaps his thoughts have gone somewhere in particular because he's definitely flushed again.
...Or maybe it is just the heat?
"Is this safe--"
He says, as the oar begins to rise, the medical officer holding onto it with both hands. He glances down at the desert below as if uncertain. But still, such thoughts about 'safety' fall by the wayside when Anaitis smiles at him like that.
It may well end poorly.
But such thoughts are as far as anything from his mind right now, as Loren manages an honest smile back.