2024-02-19: That Story Has Ended

• Log: That Story Has Ended
• Cast: Loren Voss, Leah Sadalbari
• Where: Bledavik - Noble Quarter
• Date: February 19, 2024
• Summary: Loren, recovering in Bledavik, is met by Leah. She has a few important things to tell him.

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<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    Loren had woken up some indeterminate number of hours after the incident in the medical ward of the Solaris base in Bledavik. It was funny: he'd spent so much time working here years ago. He would have assumed that he'd forget the little details like the smell of the antiseptic layered against the precise metallic undertones of the walls and floors. Or that he'd forget what the ceiling looked like.

    But the moment he'd opened his eyes and took his first conscious breath, he'd immediately known where he was.

    There had been some initial treatment for the strain the drug had taken on his body. Probably, there had been an antagonist in the mix. Then what had followed had been the long battery of testing. They're hunting for something, he's pretty sure -- something that will serve to undermine what he'd accomplished.

    After all, it had worked. He'd succeeded at the task he'd been given.

    And if he clings to that, he doesn't have to think about the rest of what happened.

    By now, they've removed most of the lines and wires. The only remaining feed is an IV leading into his right forearm.

    It itches. Loren is trying not to think about that, too.

    His only companion is his tablet; other than a few questions from the medical staff here and even then only in the most clinical sense, he's largely been absent contact with other people. But if he's being honest... it's better that way.

<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.

Leah Sadalbari has spent less time in Bledavik. The Interior Ministry usually has Gebler for that purpose, after all. But she has spent some, and now, she spendds more, because Loren Voss is here.

Here, she has had access to the reams of test data. She has had the chance to examine these records, because there are no secrets from the Watcher.
And now, now that he's recovered enough for visitors...

Well. She's not a 'visitor', is she?

Leah Sadalbari knocks once, then steps into the room, polite enough to give him the heartbeat or two to compose himself if he needs it.

"Loren," Leah says.

"...Congratulations. You accomplished your mission."

But she doesn't leave, upon saying that, instead coming around to his bedside to look over his face, thoughtful.

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    Loren isn't really reading anything, per se. Sure, yes, his eyes wander over the text of the latest research reports for consumption by Gebler's medical staff, but he's not really reading it. But it's better than spending time with his thoughts.

    There's a knock at the door to his room -- he's gotten a private room, which is probably more testament to what he did to himself than any sort of privilege of his birth -- and he sets the tablet aside, predicting his visitor to be someone else from the medical team here to check in or maybe if he's unlucky, to ask some more questions. "Come in."

    He's wrong. It's not medical.

    It's Leah Sadalbari.

    Surprise settles openly across his features; he seems no less than taken aback to see her. "Leah--" he starts to say, before he pulls himself upright (about as upright as he can get from his seated position). He's silent afterwards, watching and waiting to see what she's going to say.

    'Congratulations'. He accomplished his mission.

    He remains perfectly still and silent, as if trying to piece together what she means by that.

    This is obviously not all of what she came here to say or do since instead of immediately departing again, she instead comes to his bedside to study him-- to look at his face.

    He looks back at her in silence, as if trying to gauge exactly what she's seeking.

    "...What is it?" he asks at last, frowning; he creases his forehead as if pensive.

<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.

One's thoughts can be dangerous, especially in Gebler.

Leah strictly didn't have to knock, but she did. She didn't strictly have to visit, but she did. And indeed--what she says first is that. She waits, to hear what he will say to it...

And he's trying to understand, too. Leah doesn't smile, but she doesn't frown, either.

"First, it is that. Congratulations. You accomplished your mission. That much is true, and that will noted in your record. You accomplished a difficult mission, while outnumbered. I've noted a commendation in your record."

"...And that stands, despite what I'm about to say."

Pause. "You reached for 'power' to accomplish your goal. That's necessary. We must all have 'power' if we are to enact the will of man or God."

"...But when you lack 'control', then that 'power' will control you instead."

"That is what you must work on. To face your 'power' head-on, understand it... and accept it. Control it."

"If you can't do that, then it would be best to find another 'power'."

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    One's thoughts can be dangerous, especially when they incline to lead one against the status quo.

    But Loren has ever sought to discard such discordant things in favor of the status quo. Why struggle, when it is easier to go along...?

    It is the very reason why he now sits in this bed, in this room with the familiar ceiling.

    But he asks what it is that Leah has come to seek from him, and she tells him: he's earned a commendation.

    Even as he is, it makes his heart leap to hear it. Against the odds -- heavily stacked against him -- he'd managed to retrieve the asset and hold the line until they could both be recovered. Alone, at that, and by doing something that while risky was certainly within the threshold of survival for someone of his lineage. He'd been right and he'd won.
    The feeling doesn't last. Not when -- against his will -- those dangerous thoughts rise to the surface to hound him. Azoth didn't want to go back. His own friends didn't want him to take Azoth back. He--

    That's not all that Leah wanted to say to him. Loren stays very, very still: only his eyes track her as she continues on.

    The power he's obtained is...

    ...as it stands, he's the one being controlled by it. Of course. Ever so slightly, his shoulders sag.

    Had some part of him... wanted her to forbid him from it? But then, he'd already realized it: what he is to her. What it takes for him to win.

    The drug's effect had swallowed him up almost entirely. But normally, there's too much of 'him' left when he takes Drive to really be useful. With the increased dosage--
    But Loren's smart enough to avoid try arguing that point. Besides, if he's not careful, if some part of him isn't in control...

    He thinks again of a time in the frigid wastes Macalania. Her blood had been such a bright red against the snow.

    Loren lowers his head to look at his hands, turning them up to stare at his palms. It wasn't him then. It had been another who had lost control. But change the parameters slightly and... it could have been.

    He could have killed all of them out there in the wastes of Ignas. Maybe--
    But he doesn't let that thought continue.

    Instead, Loren lifts his head to look at Leah Sadalbari and nods. "...I understand."
    Does he?

<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.

Risky, but within parameters. He was right. He won.

But Leah can tell that he is troubled. She can tell, the way his shoulders sag just slihtly; she can tell, that he doesn't argue a point he could have, that he stares at his palms...

"..Yes," Leah says. "I'm sure you do. But there is something else that you should understand."

Leah watches Loren, for another few moments.

"...Engil's story is over," she says, and turns to face the window. "It is done. For better, for worse; there is no more. What we know is what 'is', and that's... done."

"He's 'Loren's brother' now. 'Leah's husband'. That story has ended. And yours has not."

She stands at loose parade rest, folding her hands behind her back, as she looks out to the window, away from Loren. Both eyes stare there.

"I push you so hard because I believe that you can be more than 'his brother'. And now, you've achieved that. You're older, now. You have your own career. But I don't believe that that is the end of your potential."

"...But it means nothing if you are not in control of yourself. If you do not act of your own will."

"If you are merely my 'tool', Loren... Then that is a role many have played. Many will again. And it ends well for some of them. It is... a life, to be the pawn of someone greater."

"But I believe that you can be more than that."

"...Engil's story is over. I've accepted that. And mine... is not."

"But if your story is to be more than just a chapter in mine..."

"You have to push harder, Loren." She turns back to him, and looks. Her eyes are completely dry. "You have to be better than you have ever been."

"...You did what you needed to do. That time. But I will also do what I need to do."

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    He was right and he won, and all else aside, Loren isn't about to forget that part of the equation easily.

    Yet, it's also not as simple as all that. It's not a victory that had come easily to him on the moral axis, and his tells on that front are as clear as day. The circumstances complicate the matter. His relationships complicate the matter--

    Including the one he has to Leah Sadalbari.

    There's something else he has to understand, Leah tells him, and while he doesn't say a word in response to that statement, the full weight of his attention is on her. Subtly, he nods, as if to indicate that she should continue.

    Which she does.

    Engil's story is over, she tells him.

    This is fact. The echoes still linger on, carrying in the void that's been left behind. But Engil no longer exists.
    This is fact.

    And yet, it's such a hard thing for Loren to wrap his mind around: even after his brother had died, he'd felt hounded by the long shadow his brother's accident had cast upon his life. He'd felt that he'd never surpass the brother he'd once so admired. He'd despaired at ever being seen as anything more than the one doomed to repeat his brother's failure. He'd come to grips with the latter in time, but...

    Even from beyond the grave, Engil had found his own way to make himself known, after a fashion. Even now, it feels like Engil had all the right answers -- that he could do all the things Loren himself knows himself too coward to attempt.

    But Leah says it doesn't have to be that way. That he can be more. That he has been more.
    Leah says this doesn't have to be the end of his potential.
    Leah says a tool isn't what she's after.

    His breath catches. It's as if she's read his mind. Loren stares at her, wondering if she's going to look back at him, but she never does.
    Hadn't he thought-- she was using him?

    She is, yes. His hands curl in his lap. But that's not all she wants from him, she says.
    He'd thought of her as someone stuck in the past just like he was. Someone who'd been forever marked by that same echoing absence. Hadn't she-- wasn't she--

    "But Engil's detractors," he finds himself saying, seizing on that of all things as a protest against what she's telling him. Is that a part of her story--

    She looks back at him, telling him this isn't, can't be as far as he goes in so many words, or the story of 'him' will be subsumed and lost. Loren himself looks away after a moment of holding her gaze.

    What if, a part of him wants to become lost? But he doesn't say that. He doesn't dare say that to anyone.

    "Be better... is it," he says instead. But he's a coward at heart. But he's still running away.

    This is where someone is supposed to say 'I'll try' or even answer simply with 'Yes'. He is silent instead, staring at his own hands. What is it that he wants? ...What is it that he wants that he can have?

    "I don't want to forget him," Loren says instead after a scarce few seconds more tick by. "But..."

<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.

Yes, that relationship in particular is quite complicating.

Leah speaks; she speaks, and she waits. There are many things Loren hasn't said to her; how many does she know, regardless? How many things that he thought were hidden are clear to her?

But eventually, he says something as part of it. She finishes before she answers that concern. Before she answers the concern of what her story was.

"...I don't want to forget him either," Leah says, but is melancholy. "...His detractors, yes. The rumors go that I've silenced many. Perhaps those rumors are true." She gives an unpleasant smile.

"...But I will. In the untold ages to come, I will. I will forget him, and you, and all that I held close."

"Unless we accomplish our mission."

"...We should not forget him," she agrees. "But neither can we be held back by him. No matter how much we wish it..."

"'Time' will not let us hold on. No matter what we do..."

"The past is in the past. Be in the future, Loren. That is what I wish of you. If you can accomplish that, you won't disappoint me."

"And if you can accomplish that... then there is a favor one day I will ask of you."

"But not before."

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    He's used to not speaking and not being heard -- or seen. He's used to other people deciding what it is that goes on within the deepest currents of his experience and acting accordingly. He's used to the presence of himself alone and no other.
    Is it any wonder that he would experience some disjointedness when it comes to understanding the perspective of another towards him? He, after all, has made up his own mind about the world he lives in. But the fact remains that he may well give away more of what he thinks secret than he anticipates.

    His gaze is upon her as she answers that question he'd voiced about his brother -- and the fate of his detractors (or at least, those who had the misfortune to say such things where she could hear them... and Leah has very good hearing). At this, Loren says not a word, but his expression will speak volumes for him: he knows what she's done.

    But she'll forget Engil in time. She'll forget Loren, too, and everyone else--

    Something like shock or perhaps like horror colors Loren's expression: here, too, he can't keep all his thoughts hidden. It hadn't occurred to him at all previously, but-- if Leah's form now means she recovers from any wound inflicted upon her... then of course it means she won't die. What is death but a wound? And of course, it means that she'll persist, possibly beyond the end of this world.

    Possibly even longer.

    Their mission's goal would prevent that. A paradise, Leah had essentially termed it.
    For everyone. But that precludes the dead. ...Wouldn't it?

    It's an answer for which he is not presently sure he wants to know the answer.

    "I know," he says, instead. Time doesn't stop-- that's true. He had never thought he would get this far. And as much as he wants to cling to what he holds dear, he can already feel his grip on them loosening. Maybe it's all just vanity, in the end... to think that he can hold tight to or keep safe anything.

    "In the future..." he echoes. Faintly, he grimaces. "What's that supposed to..." look like, he wants to say, but as he lifts his gaze to meet hers, he feels the words die in his throat. Realization takes the center stage that is his face instead. She wants him to meet her there, is what she's saying -- in the future. If he can't do at least that, he'll be a disappointment.

    How does he get there? Is that even a question he can ask anyone? There's so many things he wants to ask her, or anyone else at all. But he doesn't dare. Especially not her.

    In spite of everything -- and because of everything -- he still doesn't want to let her down.

    So instead he says, "I will... try to meet your expectations."

<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.

The Watcher is expert at observing others. It is her title for more than intimidation. It is what she does; in many respects, it is what she is.

And now, she is being watched in turn, and she notices that expression. Yes. She has made no secret of that.

...But she opens a difference secret; what she will forget. What she will, and won't do. Leah's eyes look a little hollow when she discusses it--as if reminded that one of them was gone, should be gone still by all that operates in the world. That she should not have the healthy body Solaris has given her.

No, that one man has given her.

She looks at Loren again. Time won't stop, and his grip loosens. That vanity...

Perhaps it is so.

"You'll see," Leah says of what it's supposed to look like. 'You'll see', and it is perhaps not reassuring.

"...I know," Leah says. That he will try.

"Recover well, Captain. You have a lot ahead of you."

And one more thing. One more thing he won't like at all.

...But that burden she can take upon herself. That one burden, if it becomes necessary.

"That man's Ether does not seem to have infected you despite the battle. The tests have shown that you're fine. A little more rest, and you'll be fine."

She looks back at him, and nods. "Take care."

Leah begins to head for the door again.

<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.

    And what can he say about that? About that look on her face -- about how she looks haunted regarding the eternity that awaits her, should they not succeed.

    He's known Leah practically as far back as he can remember, ever since she and Engil had started getting to know one another. She's his sister-in-law. She's family, too. Of course, he doesn't want this for her.
    But this is not something that he could undo, even were he granted more power than Drive could give him.

    He'll see, she tells him.

    He didn't finish that question of his, but its shape was already plain as day, wasn't it?
    The look on his face bespeaks his unease with her answer.

    But what can he do but try? His faith is shaken. The road ahead seems unsteady; there are certainly no good decisions he can see awaiting him. He'll lose what he holds dear, one way or another. Maybe he'll even lose all of it.
    Even so -- what can he do but try? What other choice does he have?

    Recover well, she tells him. There's a lot ahead of him.

    "...Yeah," he agrees, closing his eyes and leaning back against the headboard. "I know." Of that, he can be assured.

    But there's one more thing.

    "That man's--" He sits upright again, opening his eyes. His initial confusion parts for cold understanding soon enough: he remembers what he'd seen.
    What Lan had done.

    "I... see," he says slowly, carefully. So all that testing wasn't because of the Drive? It was because of...

    Leah leaves behind a Loren who seems far, far more unsettled than at any part prior in their conversation. But neither does he make a move to stop her or dig deeper into this subject. There's already too much he knows far too much about. Grant him ignorance in this at least, for just a little while longer.

    Sweet dreams, Loren.