2020-10-28: Suteki Da Ne

• Log: Suteki Da Ne
• Cast: Tidus, Yuna
• Where: Macalania
• Date: October 31, 2020
• Summary: Yuna and Tidus, underneath a crystal tree, K I S S I N G--

---

================================<* Macalania *>=================================

The Macalania region is home to two ancient, crystalline formations of unsurpassed mystery and beauty. The first is the Macalania Woods - a shining maze-like forest overseen by strange, ancient, birdlike Beastmen who speak in bizarre riddles and weave light like silk. The second is Lake Macalania - an eternally frozen lake surrounded by snowy crevasses, which one can just see the frozen Temple beneath. Macalania is a distant, remote region -- and full of its own dangers.

BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-4DXa-E__M&ab_channel=Ultimatefighter34311

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    The Macalania Woods are great, Tidus has just now decided. He didn't have strong feelings about them before one way or another, but after Bevelle and the Via Purifico and the Highbridge? Yeah, he's really into this chill, calming vibe it's got going on. It's a good place to settle in for a little while--relax, recover, and lay low before...
    
    Before what? He's not really sure. For all that he yelled at Seymour that they were going to go beat Sin (and without the Final Aeon), that's not actually his call to make. And... saying it like that might be one more thing he needs to apologize to Yuna for. He's not entirely sure.
    
    But he does know that he needs to apologize to her in general. So, after giving her some time and space to unwind after they all reach safety in an off-road into the Woods and set up camp, he goes searching for her.
    
    He finds her past Kimahri in a shallow pool. It's a truly serene place, mesmerizing in his beauty, but it pales in comparison to Yuna herself. Tidus holds his breath for a moment; then, after sharing a nod with his fellow guardian, he approaches.
    
    "Hey, Yuna," he calls, so as not to startle her. "How're you holding up?"

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

It might seem like an odd choice for Yuna to be half-immersed in water, after the ordeal she just suffered in the Via Purifico. But maybe it isn't so strange. Those tunnels were brackish, filthy, and deadly.

This is a place of peace.

And Yuna... could use some peace right now.

It's nighttime, but the Macalanian crystal trees glow with their own inner radiance; darkness and light mix freely here. But for a few wispy clouds, and the incredible brightness of the moon, there are no obstacles to the spectacular starscape, and so it is that there are two... it's hard to tell where water ends and sky begins.

Yuna is suspended between both of them. She hasn't completely surrendered to let the water cradle her; she's still standing on her own two feet, and dry from the obi up. But even in this liminal space, between so many places and states of being, she is comforted by the liquid itself: it lifts some of the burden of herself, takes some of the weight, perhaps in more than one way. It is cool and clear and clean. All things to emulate, to aspire to. Maybe, if she's left alone for long enough, to become...

She isn't troubled by Tidus' approach, however. He speaks to her, and no tension lines appear in her shoulders. Maybe he's just that good. Maybe the fayth told her he was coming, or the pyreflies. Maybe she's just learned to recognize his footsteps.

She doesn't turn around. But it isn't a rejection, either. She just... isn't ready to come back yet. From the pond, and the view, and the ephemeral safety of this fragile tranquil space.

"I'm here," she replies, softly, a little breathily, as though the nature of this place has infected her, intoxicated her, possessed her. Maybe it's true. Yuna is possessed by many things. "I've just been..."

She pauses, characteristically, then winds up saying the most obvious -- and honest -- thing anyway.

"...thinking..."

Another silence, one long enough to give up on her saying anything else, before she elaborates, slowly:

"It hasn't been... anything like I thought it would be. Um. The pilgrimage, I mean..."

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

Not so odd at all. There's a world of difference between clean and dirty water. At the very least, if it were Tidus, he'd want to take a nice bath to wash off the dirt--both from his bodies and his memories. He may *actually* take a bath later. But, well--Yuna goes first. It's her right and her privilege. ...Tidus finally gets what Auron meant by that, now.

So it's fine if she's not ready to come back. Tidus isn't here to bring her back, anyway. For a moment, he stands at the edge of the pool; then, carefully, he steps in to join her. She doesn't seem bothered by his presence, so... he'll take that as permission to enjoy the view with her.

This doesn't mean he'll close the gap between them entirely. She'll still get a respectful distance. Just... from within the water, rather than from the land.

'Thinking,' though, huh. Classic Yuna. Tidus reflects that she's probably always been thinking, since the day they met and beyond. Lots to think about when you're a Summoner.

She says the pilgrimage hasn't been anything like what she imagined. "Yeah?" he prompts. And, remembering a certain other Summoner he spoke with recently, he adds more quietly, "Do you wanna quit?"

Dona, back on the Fahrenheit, had said most people would spurn her for giving up on her pilgrimage--say behind her back she had abandoned her duty. But if that means she gets to live, and gets to live with someone she loves, then who cares what other people say? That's what Tidus had told her back, and it had inspired her to have the courage to give up.

...Tidus won't mention that much to Yuna; Dona's always been a jerk, especially to her. But he does have it in mind when he asks that question.

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

Perhaps Yuna would have responded differently, if the prompt had come alone, without the second question. There's the almost silent sound of her intaking breath to answer -- but then she holds it, to listen to Tidus' follow-up.

To feel the nearly imperceptible addition of Tidus to the pond. Of course the water level doesn't really rise. And he's a skilled swimmer... not making splashes, or even meaningful waves. That she can sense his body -- that the pond bridges the two of them, connecting them -- surely it's imagination only.

Exhaling slowly, she takes another tiny step, deeper in, and lets the water flow more fully through her obi. The long beaded ends of its tie float to the surface and trail, lengthily, in endless, slowly undulating patterns. She isn't moving them. Tidus isn't either. And the pond is just a pond.

Sometimes things just move, anyway.

"I know..." she begins slowly, eventually, "...everyone wants me to." Another pause. "...Even Yevon."

Her back twitches, like she's been stabbed between her shoulder blades. And her voice thickens with grief, though not to a breaking point. It's still cloud-soft, cloud-light, even if rain threatens. "I really never thought... that they'd rather... execute me. Instead of, just, letting me..."

...kill herself anyway.

She isn't completely sure what Tidus does or doesn't know and she's in no space to lie, she's lied enough for a lifetime. But she doesn't want to hurt him, either, the last thing she wants is to be careless, to be cruel, with his heart.

So she could have said '...go on,' to try to hide from it, soften it, but she doesn't.

She isn't sure what to say instead, so in the end, she says nothing. She waits, and pretends she's staring at the sky.

But even turned away from him, his face is the only thing she can see.

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    It's not a question Tidus would normally ask; after all, he's been gung-ho about helping her beat Sin up until now. And he'd talked about not needing the Final Aeon during the battle against Seymour... But it's hard to know for certain, isn't it? Not if someone doesn't say it outright. In the same way the water is moving all around them, yet it's hard to know the direction of the current without feeling it for oneself.
    
    Sometimes, though, once you know the current is there, you can sense its flow. It's all a matter of feeling where the pressure is coming from. And so:
    
    "...letting you die to beat Sin?" he concludes quietly.
    
    There's no judgment in his demeanor; quite the opposite. After all, he was the one always going on and on without knowing the truth. He was the one who never noticed, even though there were so many clues all around him. That's why he watches her, even as she's (seemingly) looking away from him.

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

"Yes."

Yuna isn't sure what she was expecting to feel at that admission. She's dreaded this moment for so long. And there is some guilt, certainly, well-earned and well-deserved.

But now it's loose, tumbling inside of her, all throughout her, as though Tidus has cut the knots she's wound herself into over this secret with Brotherhood.

He's freed her.

He's freed her... again.

Her shoulders separate, as though a vast weight has been lifted from them.

"So, then..." she confirms, barely above a whisper. "...you know."

And at last she turns to look at him, twisting her half-floating body and letting things follow, letting things flow behind. Her sleeves always do, but the effect is amplified in the water, and for all the muted lighting their pink ombre is incredibly vivid just now, like all the sakura in the world have donated their essence, distilled it into one single place.

Well. Two places. Her lips are also very pink, and very soft, as she worries them a little against each other.

Neither hue can compete with her eyes. The Via Purifico robbed them of their distinction from one another, but Macalania has returned it with interest, even in this dim light. One, bluer than the pond, bluer even than the crystalline trees. The other, greener than anything in here, anything they've ever seen, except maybe the jungles of Kilika and Besaid. And Rikku, of course. It's just like hers.

Both of them are filled with the same thing as her mouth -- worry. Worry for him. For how he's feeling right now.

She's been down this road before. Again and again, really. With Lulu and Wakka. With Kimahri. With Rikku.

Why... does it feel so different this time?

Why does her heart clench so much harder?

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    "Yeah. The others... they told me everything."
    
    She really is beautiful, Tidus reflects, as Yuna reflects herself in the water. Her outfit floats in the water like a flower. It's really...
    
    But he can't say the same of that tiredness, that tension in her face. Though he might have come this far not knowing the truth, he's gotten to know her fairly well through their journey. He knows that she must be worried about him, about how *he* feels, even though she's the one who's suffering--even though *she's* the one who would die at the end of the journey they've been going on together. That knowledge makes Tidus's own insides clench, and he takes a step closer, water and fallen leaves swirling around him.
    
    "Yuna, I'm sorry," he says, quiet but emphatic, urgent though not rushed. "For all that stuff I said, I mean, about beating Sin, when I didn't even know anything... about what would happen to you. It must've been so hard on you to keep smiling and acting like nothing was wrong, and I just..." He swallows hard, on the verge of getting emotional. He reins it in. This isn't about him. Yuna's the one who ought to want to cry.
    
    "...I never wanted to hurt you," Tidus ultimately says. It's all he can really say. "I hope--" 'you can forgive me,' he almost says, but deems it too self-centered, and instead concludes, "--I didn't make you too sad."

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

We know these kids pretty well by now, so let's be honest; an apology from YUNA was probably inevitable. May still be. He got there first, but apologies BREED apologies, especially around her. She can't help it. She doesn't know how to be anyone else but who she is.

This should break her heart, then. Him saying sorry, when she's the one who's so sorry. But like before, things... go in a new direction. Something about it, something about him, something about it BEING him... breaks the cycle.

At least for now.

Yuna smiles...

He's seen so many of her smiles, now. The fake ones and the real ones. He's learned to tell the difference, and can recognize, immediately, that this one is gentle like the crystalline petals floating down to kiss the water, and untethered like the crystalline petals floating up to kiss the sky. She isn't smiling for him.

She's smiling because, unexpectedly to her most of all, he made her smile. She's smiling like she has her favorite kind of secret. The kind that she can share.

"I was happy," she counters.

When she turns away this time, it is to hide a third distillation of pinkness. She can feel her cheeks turning red. It isn't as bad as she assumes. But it's never been EASY to talk to Tidus, it's been uniquely challenging in a way that she's found transformational. It is a little bit easier to say this only looking at the boy in her mind's eye, instead of in HIS eyes. And at the line of his throat, when he swallowed. That image follows her as she untwists.

Her blue skirts, which were only halfway twirled, begin gradually to twirl back...

"You," she tries desperately to explain, to SAY CORRECTLY, to not misspeak. "Make me happy. When I said... that the pilgrimage wasn't like... I thought it would be... I also meant, that I never... expected..."

You.

Her eyes fall to the Moon in the water, instead of the Moon in the heavens.

She slumps a little.

"I never thought... it would be so... hard."

Whether she means the unbelievable obstacles the world has put in her path, or falling in love, is unclear. Maybe that's just two ways of saying the same thing.

But, for what it's worth, she says it with more wonder than self-pity.

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    After so much time spent watching her, watching *over* her, Tidus *has* learned the difference between her smiles. Seeing this one--this genuine one, that she smiles because she's happy, because he *made* her happy--makes his heart flutter. It's a feeling both wonderful and painful. He knows she's out of his league--that she's got her own thing she needs to do, and the best he can do is protect her while she does it.
    
    ...but does it really have to be that way? He wonders, all of a sudden. He wonders, when she admits that he, specifically, makes her happy--that the pilgrimage, the choice to sacrifice herself for the good of all, is hard--he opens his mouth, just enough to suck in a breath.
    
    "So then... don't do it," he says simply. He knows it's *not* that simple, but he can at least make it sound like it is. "If no one wants you to do it, then why keep making yourself suffer? There's so many better things you can do--places you can go. You could go back home to Besaid. Or--"
    
    His blue eyes, a piece of the midday sky during the late evening, light up. "You could come to Zanarkand! Not the one in ruins--the one I'm from! I'd love to show you around!" With burgeoning excitement, he adds, "Heck, we could all go! I'll give all you guys the grand tour!"
    
    It's a fantasy, he knows. But it's a thrilling fantasy, one he can't help but indulge in. ...one he wants to let her indulge in, too.

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

Tidus HAS been letting Yuna indulge in this fantasy. When she told him that he made her happy, that the things he said made her happy... this is, often, what she meant. It's a little bit like wiggling a loose tooth, and a little bit like make-believe. It is terrible, wonderful escapism. And just like her smile, just now, she never, ever did it for his sake.

He's the one who gets her to do things for herself.

Slowly at first, then all at once, she surrenders to the water... lets it cradle her. Her booted toes rise to the surface, then pop out of it. And her hair spreads all around her, joining the galaxies there.

"Quit my pilgrimage," she sighs, and spreads her arms wide... for balance, but also just as an embrace. Of the trees. Of the sky. Of the idea.

She lets his enthusiasm infect her. The glimpse of his brilliant eyes is the brightest thing she's seen in so long, and his warm words kindle something inside her, something that longs to return it.

"Does Zanarkand have horses?" she asks, suddenly, with a bright curiosity of her own, and a smile in her voice. This is a stupid question; they went together to see them, after all. But it betrays the direction of her thoughts. She's dwelling on what happened, what passed between them that day, and what she forced herself to draw away from.

Now, finally, he gets to know why.

"We could get some from Filgaia," she amends hastily, not wanting to force him to let her down or anything. "And ride there together. Maybe... we wouldn't even stop right away. Maybe we'd never want to stop."

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    The philosophy behind it is very simple, too: Yuna *should* get to do things for herself. Therefore, Tidus will do whatever he can to get her to.
    
    Sometimes you need someone else to be selfish for you.
    
    As Yuna slips deeper into the water, he pushes himself into a breaststroke, circling partway around so they can float opposite each other. Each of them gazing up at the same starry sky. The question of whether Zanarkand has horses or not surprises him--but it also brings him back to that day when they were walking back to camp together, and she'd been so smitten by those creatures, and they'd fed them together... She'd been so happy, but also, so sad.
    
    He'd thought he'd understood back then. It's only now that he really understands. So when Yuna gives him an out, he seizes it gladly: "Yeah! We could ride 'em in from Filgaia! It'd really surprise everybody--not just Wakka and the others, but everyone back home, too!
    
    But maybe--maybe they'd never want to stop. Tidus hesitates just a fraction at this--at the thought that maybe they *wouldn't*. Maybe they could ride forever. Just the two of them.
    
    "Yeah," he says warmly, glancing back at her. "We could ride along the beaches and wave at everyone on the boardwalk--go shopping and have fun wherever we want! There's so much stuff, we could spend hours just looking at everything as we go by! And from there--the sky's the limit! We can take the airship and go anywhere we want, see everything there is to see! And if we get tired... maybe we can settle down somewhere. Someplace quiet and peaceful, with lots of lakes and flowers. Or if you rather, somewhere loud and exciting, where I can play a game of blitzball for you!"

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

"That all sounds... wonderful."

Yuna sought peace here in the pond but only now is it finding her, filling her. With even gravity absent a claim on her, she might as well be floating through space. Like the one time she DID see Tidus' Zanarkand... or at least a memory of it...

...segregating out the less fortunate parts of that memory, she lets it unfold before her.

"I still want to go to Zanarkand," she insists, a little bit breathlessly. "I want to see... the place where you're from. I want to see everything. Even if it's loud. Especially the blitzball stadium."

Yuna does love blitzball. And now that love has passed through a new lens of meaning.

Unreservedly, she giggles, "Your Zanarkand Abes would play, and I'd cheer and cheer and cheer for you, until I couldn't cheer anymore."

She glances over at him, across the bisection of the water's edge. Peace is slowly blooming and changing within her, as the seasons do, into a simple, raw joy.

He's skipped to the end of the journey, but she's still caught up in it. A much tighter timeline of imagination, zoomed in on the oldest and most consistent part of the fantasy.

She realizes that she doesn't know what comes after. But she isn't in a settling mood exactly.

"And then... after the game... what would we do next?"

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    "Yeah. Yeah!" Tidus doesn't mind at all pulling back from the end, back to the middle of the journey--after all, isn't the middle where they are now? There's no need to worry about endings, and the beginning is long behind them. "We'd crush out a victory and go out on the town to celebrate! Dancing, riding, arcading, you name it! We'll party from dusk to dawn!
    
    "And if you need a break, I'll take you to my favorite twenty-four-hour coffee shops--we can get something good to drink and chat as long as we want, then go out again, and hit a new place after that, all through the night!"
    
    It might be spectacular for Yuna to imagine. Night is a time for quiet repose, after all. But Tidus is as enthusiastic as ever about the concept of pulling an all-nighter, just for the fun of it. Honestly, he's pulled a few all-nighters before, such as the first time he nailed a big victory for the Abes and earned his spot as the star player. *That* was fun. And that's the brisk energy of youth for you; it's only at this point in one's life that one can get away with it.

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

"All through the night," Yuna gasps, indeed amazed by the concept. Her brow has to furrow a little to even envision it, and she probably fails.

That's okay.

Similarly, she could ask what 'arcading' is but decides it's less interesting to do so. Better to just find out when the time comes. She's had so many unhappy surprises; a fun one sounds like something she'd enjoy very much.

Almost as much as she enjoys Tidus' unbridled glee when he talks about victory and celebration. She always has liked that about him. No one ever talks about the Calm -- her own ultimate victory -- that way. For the most part no one talks about it at all. It's too painful. She doesn't begrudge the others that...

...the others...

Tidus can feel her mood shift. Not darken, but change, as she inexorably considers other people rather than herself.

"Rikku would like Zanarkand," she decides aloud. "She'd like... all of it..."

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    "Yeah! Zanarkand never sleeps! The only thing you gotta worry about is staying awake yourself!" Tidus enthuses. He'd be happy to explain what an arcade is and what one does at one--it'd be a nice change of pace from having everything explained to him--but Yuna's right; sometimes, it's nice to have a *good* surprise waiting.
    
    She's right about something else, too: that Rikku would like Zanarkand. "She'd *love* Zanarkand. She'd go absolutely nuts over it," he says firmly, feeling that change in mood from Yuna and determined not to let it detract from the experience. "Wakka'd hate it at first, but nobody uses machina for bad stuff in Zanarkand." (This is technically not true--every big city has its crime rate--but Zanarkand's is low enough that Tidus feels confident about the idea of bringing Yuna out all night to party with him.) "So between Rikku and blitzball, he'd find something to warm up to!
    
    "Just like he'd warm up to you quitting the pilgrimage." Because in the end, that's what this is all about. And if Yuna's worried about the others, he'll make sure to remind her why she doesn't need to. "Lulu, too--she wouldn't hold out long. And you know Rikku'd be all for it!"

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

"No, they'll be happy," Yuna agrees, dreamily. "Kimahri, too. They never wanted this for me. I remember the day that I found out I could become an apprentice summoner... Lulu was so mad." It's a very fond memory, obviously, rather than a difficult one, at least in her current relaxed state. "But... Auron..."

She twitches a foot, steering her floating boat of self to spin slowly in another direction, just for the sake of watching the luscious whirl of the stars.

A stray thought occurs to her, bubbles up from somewhere.

"He's been there... hasn't he? To your Zanarkand."

This is an extremely obvious statement now that she murmurs it aloud. But it had just never really occurred to her before.

"Did he... like it there?"

She tries to imagine him partying 'all through the night'. Then she tries harder.

It isn't easy.

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    Auron *would* be the sticking point, wouldn't he? He was Yuna's dad's guardian and now he's Yuna's guardian. He's always such a stickler for the pilgrimage, even if, for some reason, he's awfully cynical about large parts about it. Maybe that's what comes of it being his second time around, Tidus doesn't know. Or rather--it occurs to him that maybe he *does* know, at least a little. Auron being guardian to Braska means he had to watch his Summoner die. Now that he thinks of it like that... it's kind of no wonder he's such a curmudgeon now.
    
    "I'll talk to him. I'll make him understand. It's the least I can do," Tidus promises. That's not Yuna's initial concern, though--and when she asks what she does, he laughs a little, more out of disbelief than anything.
    
    "He was there for years. A while after my old man vanished, he just showed up, saying Jecht was gone and he was here to look after me and my mom in his place. He wasn't a very good stand-in dad--even if he managed to be better than my *actual* dad," Tidus remarks, the last part dryly. "I'm not sure if he liked it there or not. I got the sense he missed Spira. But looking at him now, you'd barely think that, right? I might've just imagined it. It's not like he's an easy read."

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

Yuna shakes her head, which tosses her cloud of floating air like it's suddenly found a breeze.

"No," she says placidly. "I must tell him myself. It's... the least I can do."

She listens to Tidus' recounting of Auron's time in Zanarkand. She's long past the point of questioning, let alone doubting, his characterization of his father; Jecht is an outsized figure from her tiniest memories but now more than ever she knows how little you can really know someone, even though you think you do. Like the Grand Maester-- like Mika, she corrects internally, denying him his corrupted title. He does not deserve it, and surely has not for a long, long time, least of all inside her own heart.

"I'm glad... that he was there with you," she reflects aloud. It's not like she lacked for surrogate family in Auron's absence. Her joy gentles without dimming, precisely. But thinking of their childhoods, of a small Tidus, makes her feel differently than thinking of the older one. "I hope... that he'll come with us. Surely there was some part of Zanarkand that he loved most. Even if it was just something that reminded him of Spira..."

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    Tidus doesn't argue with Yuna in regards to who gets to convince Auron that abandoning the pilgrimage is the thing to do. In the end, it's Yuna's decision. If Auron refuses to accept that, well, that's his problem. ...Tidus likes to think that Auron would eventually be accepting, though. He's not... completely without affection for the older man. At the very least, he has some gratitude towards him for... well, being there. Looking back, it had to have been hard on the guy to show up in a city he didn't know and look after a kid that wasn't his. ...it must've been tough, having a raise a brat like him alone.
    
    So: "Yeah," he murmurs, staring up at the night sky. "Me, too." Of both of what Yuna said. "We'd have to ask him to know for sure. No bets on if he'll answer, though," he jokes. "But I'm sure he'll come along. Heck--" And this occurs to him all of a sudden, "--he probably even knows the way."
    
    He must also know *how* Jecht became Sin. How anyone might become Sin. It's not the first time Tidus has had this thought, but it's the first time since he's gained new context on a lot of things.
    
    "So there you have it," he says firmly. "We'll all go together. So what d'you say, Yuna? Doesn't it sound great?"

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.
<SoundTracker> Yuna's Theme... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1lN_qQbW8c

Yuna's voice wends dreamily into the sky like smoke. No, not smoke, not in a million years could anyone call her voice smoky. Like mist, then. Or maybe like bubbles. There's a fragile quality to it, paired with a luminous iridescence... so many colors. Each of those she names, and even some she doesn't, adds another layer of affection, of fondness, her words become so richly, densely textured. Tidus may be somewhat begrudging on that front, but Yuna... Yuna just isn't. She loves them all so much, so freely. She gives and gives and gives her heart away.

"Journeying on horseback to Zanarkand, with Auron as our guide, and all of our friends beside us..."

Mariel, Ida, Marivel, Belize and many others shimmer in her view, swimming through the air like happy ghosts. Unconsciously -- perhaps with 'journeying' in mind -- her body begins to rotate, boottips slipping back beneath the surface of the water. As she speaks, she becomes more and more upright, her clock sliding from nine and three to six and midnight.

"...when we arrive, looking at machina with Rikku... learning about the city with Lulu... sitting in the blitzball stands with Kimahri, watching you and Wakka play... in the beautiful city, all lit up at night..."

Yuna sighs, her whole body first tensing then relaxing with a raw, profound yearning. Her feet are back on the mushy pond floor. Beads of water slide down her neck and shoulders, which, exposed again to the night air, are likely to get chilly quickly. It's the kind of environment where it at least FEELS warmer underwater, especially once you've been wet.

"I want to see it all so much... I want to see... everything..."

She trails off. The final note of her voice is, perhaps, the happiest of all. It burns like a newborn star.

<SoundTracker> ...fades out...

Yuna stands in total stillness, total silence. Even her breathing is quiet. The pond's surface, disturbed a little by her gradual reorientation, works out the last of that momentum and goes perfectly reflective. Now the sky has come to her. She is surrounded by stars.

That is, until the surface undulates one more time. Something dropped into it from above.

The silence is disturbed by the sound of a broken heart.

"I can't," Yuna whispers.

More tears weep a shimmering track down her cheek to join the first. Three more plips, three more ripples.

"I just can't," she whimpers, getting more upset by the second. As shattered as her expression was at the trial, after the public yet deeply personal bludgeoning of her personal beliefs, it had nothing on this. There's no one here to see except the only ones she'd ever allow to see.

To see her disappontment. Her devastation.

To see her cry not for Spira's sorrows but for her own.

Yuna never wanted to die, not even for one single second.

Yuna wants to live.

But...

"...I can't go," she sobs, before her previously threatened throat closes the rest of the way. She swallows, twice, then again, trying to clear it.

She's on the verge of something possibly even sadder -- there's absolutely no question about it.

The next word out of her mouth is going to be that apology. And not even the one Tidus deserves for the secrecy, or the one he deserves for Yevon's cruelty in Bevelle.

Yuna's going to say sorry to him for something she shouldn't. Belize, Ghaleon, Shiva would all disapprove.

Right or wrong, for Tidus, Yuna would apologize for being herself... for being who she is... and everything that means.

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    They say that if you see a shooting star, hold your breath, and make a wish three times, it'll come true. There are plenty of stars glittering above, so surely one or two must fall, so when Yuna expresses her yearning, Tidus holds his breath. As if he were to dive underwater, score the last goal of the game, and take it all home. He listens, watches as she stands in the water... as her tears begin to fall.
    
    Tidus might be somewhat begrudging, but he doesn't begrudge Yuna her own feelings--just that she feels like she has to hold back. So if she wants to see everything with everyone, that's fine. He doesn't even *really* begrudge it--he hates being alone most of all, and it would be great if he could bring all his new friends back with him to meet his old friends. If, somehow, he could have both of the lives he's lived up 'til this point. Deep down, he knows he can't. So he gets it... he gets, painfully, why Yuna's crying. Why she says she can't.
    
    Even if the path back to Zanarkan opened up right this second, he couldn't go back, either. Not until he sees everything through to the end... by her side. So when he twists in mid-water, right himself, and stands next to her, there's only understanding in his expression. In truth, he's also disappointed--he wanted to go back with everyone too, to go back with Yuna, more than he can express. But Yuna lets herself cry and grieve for *herself* so little. She's supported him so much up 'til now through their journey; now, now he can support her.
    
    At least, that's what he's thinking, up until he looks her in the face, and sees an apology on the threshold of existence. He knows her well enough to know what she'd apologize for. And, frankly, he's tired of it. He's tired of Yuna thinking she has to apologize for being who she is. That she needs to hold back and act happy even when she's sad. He wants her to keep being herself, to be honest to herself, as much for her sake as for his own.
    
    He takes her into his arms. "Yuna," he starts. To try to say everything he thinks and feels. To comfort her, to reassure her. To tell her it's okay--that he likes her exactly the way she is. That he loves her, exactly the way she is.
    
    That's what he's thinking, up until he looks her in the face.
    
    And then his heart sweeps away all of those unnecessary words and instead guides him to lean in to her.
    
    To express 'I love you' in something purer and simpler, in something truly beautiful.

<SoundTracker> Suteki Da Ne (Isn't It Beautiful?) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2fuTzOnuVM

    
        My heart was swimming
    
    In many ways, it's like time slows and stills. In this beautiful night, shimmering with blues of all shades, it's like they're in a world of their own, just for this moment. And though it may be as fragile as a bubble on the water's surface, its ephemeral nature makes it all the more breathtaking.
    
        In words gathered by the wind
    
    His kiss starts out gentle, undemanding, slowing just a breath before her lips to let her push him back, say 'no' if this isn't what she wants after all. When no such resistance comes, he presses on, pulling her closer, falling through the water and drifting like an autumn leaf on the pool's surface. His hand seeks hers, and upon finding it, twines fingers through the gaps between her own.
    
        My voice bounded
    
    It's all the reassurance he can convey to her--all the comfort--all the feelings he's had for her up until now that he held back because he didn't want to push her or pressure her. Because he let the people around him convince him that he wasn't good enough for her, that it was better if he loved her from afar. But he can't. He just can't let her suffer all alone.
    
        Into a cloud-carried tomorrow
    
    Yuna already knows Tidus loves her. But as they swirl together as if one with both nature and each other, she might only just now realize how much.

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

                             My heart trembled
                         In the moon-swayed mirror

Yuna wasn't expecting to be kissed, but the interruption both short-circuits her mournful feelings, and answers them without words. There might have been nothing Tidus could have said to change her mind. But in the endless time and space in which they drift, it changes anyway. He changes it. He changes her.

                 Soft tears spilled with a stream of stars
                             Isn't it beautiful

Opened by his lips like a flower opened by the sun, Yuna discovers that her first kiss wasn't stolen after all. What Seymour ripped from her by force bears no resemblence to this; it does not exist in the same universe; and whatever lingering dread he had impressed upon her, a shadowed scar upon her heart to match the literal one on her palm, Tidus' golden feelings, golden touch, blasts it out of existence with the opposite of violence.

                       If we could walk, hand in hand
                               I'd want to go
                   To your town, your home, in your arms

Being underwater does the opposite of drying her tears, really, but even if they were still in the open air, the very last ones would have been shed when she closed her eyes and leaned into the kiss, into him. She wraps her arms around him, holding him close.

                              I dream of being
                             Against your chest

Tidus' love isn't something she took for granted, but it's also something she hasn't ALLOWED herself to think about very much, especially not since she forced herself to pull away from it and from him. Surrounded by it -- and by him -- she allows it to thunder through her at last. To be loved for exactly who she is, no less and no more, is an unfamiliar feeling to Yuna. Everyone else loves her enough to accept her decision for her sake, but that isn't quite the same thing as accepting HER. No, this is something else...

                          My body in your keeping
                       Disappearing into the evening

Overcome with a need to see more of him than his facial pores, to see all of him, Yuna adjusts in Tidus' arms until she's drifting gently beneath him, separated by the length of their arms. They always remain connected. She never lets go of his hand. But, once she opens her eyes within this crystal-clear water, he too might be surprised by the depth of emotion found there. It is a match to his own, and nothing, nothing at all like the way that she loves everyone.

                                My dream of
                                 Your face

She runs her empty hand's fingers across his face as though she wants to memorize him by touch. His face, his life, his miracle... yes, he is her miracle. The thing she least expected. She has a million smiles but there's still room for at least one more new one to be born, because she's never smiled like this, transcendent with joy, lush with passion rather than compassion. This smile is only for Tidus. It is as freeing as it is given freely.

                            That I softly touch

But, for once, Yuna takes, rather than only give and give and give. Pulling herself back down towards him, and him upward towards her, she draws them into another embrace, and another kiss, one that will last for as long as he's willing to share his air. To breathe into her.

                            Melts in the morning

To breathe, to be, together...

---

Later, they sit quietly on the shore. Despite being dripping wet in the middle of the night, Yuna doesn't feel cold. She feels the opposite. She's never felt warmer.

Tidus can see it on her, how she glows with his love, and with her love for him. The same way that the Moon glows with the Sun's light. Absorbing it, then re-emiting it differently. And beautifully.

"I'll continue. I must."

She's the first to break the silence this time. And though she's soft, as is her wont, there's a firmness beneath, a foundation of adamant, a surety...

...maybe it was always there and Tidus just helped her find it again, helped her find her way back, after trauma upon trauma upon trauma. But if you asked her, Yuna might say differently.

If he's forgiven her... then to not forgive herself, that would just be selfish.

"If I give up now," she elaborates, no longer speaking to the sky but to him, directly to him, both unable and unwilling to look away from him for long, "I could do anything I wanted to, and yet..."

It doesn't hurt any more, to love him and be loved by him. Maybe that won't be true tomorrow, but it's true right now, and it is enough. Enough for her to know another truth. It's the most wonderful thing in the world, but...

"Even if I was with you," Yuna admits, without shame, without regret, without -- finally -- apology, "I could never forget."

That she'd turned her back on those who needed her.

That she'd done anything less than everything she could, to make the world a better place.

That she'd abandoned not just her duty, but her purpose.

She is who she is.

Yuna... is Yuna.

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    It *is* beautiful. The moon's light, reflected from the sun, bathing them in a glow warmer than he could have ever imagined. To Tidus, sitting there on the shore with Yuna, it's like they're still floating underwater, sharing each other's breath--sharing each other's *life*--in a moment so perfect, he knows he'll remember it forever. Even now that it has passed, it will still linger in his dreams.
    
    And he's content to simply sit there, hand-in-hand with her, with a closeness that fills his heart like the waxing moon. When she speaks, he looks at her and listens. And when she's done...
    
    "I understand," he says.
    
    And he does. Tidus has always been a kind, friendly person; when a trio of children asked him, a professional blitzballer, to teach them how to play the game, his only hesitation was in *when* he would do it, and never that he'd do it at all. That's not at all on the same scale as the task Yuna's chosen to undertake, but the underlying sentiment isn't dissimilar: choosing to do something for someone else because that's what would make them happy. Tidus might want Yuna to put herself first sometimes, but if she did that *all* the time, she just wouldn't be the woman he loves. She wouldn't be Yuna. And that's what he wants least of all.
    
    This isn't something she could run from. And he can't run from it, either. This is his story, and he needs to see it through to the end--with Yuna at his side.
    
    So:
    
    "I won't let you die," he swears, an oath made quietly but with all the surety of the brilliant sun. "We'll find a way, together."
    
    If she could forgive *him*, then giving her his all and protecting her from even the Final Aeon is the least he can do.

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

Tidus' oath is spectacular. It steals Yuna's breath for a moment.

But it also frightens her a little.

If she lets it stand -- if she pretends to BELIEVE him -- then everything that comes after this perfect moment, would just be another kind of lie.

She owes them both better than that.

"I know that you'll do everything you can," she says carefully. To be delicate instead of brutal, when she has to say something hard. "I believe in you. But... I may die anyway... and it wouldn't be because you 'let' me. And I wouldn't... be disappointed," she tries to explain, earnestly.

"Because... I believe in my own choice, too. So... although this is a selfish request... Tidus, even if we don't find a way... stay with me. Until the end."

She bows deeply, and says "Please," but her tenderness, in word and expression, causes the word to really mean I love you.

<Pose Tracker> Tidus has posed.

    It *is* a brutal truth, no matter how delicately put. Dismay crosses Tidus's face--but even so, he nods. Anything could happen; he knows this. Maybe they'll find a way to beat Sin without the Final Aeon. Maybe Yuna will die without even getting *to* the Final Aeon. Spira's full of death, and there's no knowing when it might come for any of them. The only thing he can do is protect her with everything he's got, and do everything he can to find another way. To make it so Yuna can keep believing in her choice without worrying about who she'll have to leave behind by seeing it through.
    
    Until then, though...
    
    "Not until the end," he tells her. He waits until she rises out of her bow, then wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her close. Just enough for his forehead to touch hers, so their eyes can meet in the dim glow of night. "Always."
    
    And in the same way as that 'please,' that 'always' changes meaning through his closeness, through his earnestness, to 'I love you too.'

<Pose Tracker> Yuna has posed.

Yuna's mouth curves into another of those new, special smiles. This one is less brilliant than the one underwater, but no less heartfelt. Maybe even moreso, where it lives in her eyes, brighter even than the stars that surround them, the moonlight that spills down on them.

They're so close that Tidus can feel when her lips part, when they shape the syllables of their compromise on their surfaces, surfaces that only he knows the softness of.

Her breath smells... like him.

"Always," she repeats.