2020-10-30: Knife and Gun
- Log: Knife and Gun
- Cast: Ivan, Azoth
- Where: Besaid
- Date: October 30, 2020
- Summary: Ivan and Azoth bond a little over the concept of music and having been raised to be a weapon.
=================================<* Besaid *>================================= Besaid is a small tropical island at the southernmost point of the Spiran archipelago, almost as far south as one can get and still be part of Spira. The island features a large beach and seaport, a small village surrounded by forests and waterfalls, and a temple of Yevon. Its relative isolation from the outside world has resulted in a pastoral, almost idyllic life for its few inhabitants; if not for the few Summoners traveling to pray to the Fayth, Besaid would see almost no visitors at all. It is also home to the lowly Aurochs, a blitzball team of which the less said is better. BGM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XG93NDv96os&ab_channel=Ultimatefighter343
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan is attempting, not for the first time, to make peace with the ocean.
There is no love lost between the two of them; it has tried to drown him on more than one occasion, which he resents, and from the aggressive behavior, Ivan can only assume the feeling is mutual.
He can swim, but not effectively, and not for long. Catenna once told him that he was unlikely to improve unless he could learn to be more comfortable in the water, which is why he occasionally makes overtures of reconciliation.
Today's overture is a song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FULmDcGqknI&ab_channel=AArtisan3
The notes of an ocarina carry along the shoreline, a sad and simple tune. Ivan has contemplated the weight of how long it must have been carried, and what its meaning might be... it seems to him to be filled with longing, but perhaps that's just a reflection of some kind. He can only hope the ocean accepts it as an offering. He is sitting just out of reach of the lapping waves, in case it doesn't.
...This is probably not what Catenna meant when she gave him her original advice, but as long as it makes sense to Ivan psychologically, perhaps there is some chance of progress to be made.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Scouting turned to exploring, as it so often does. Besaid, truly, did seem to be too far out of the way to be of particular interest. With no further relevance to more thoroughly completing a mission, Azoth took to gathering seashells instead. Until he hears a song.
It would not be the first time Azoth was lured by music.
He tests a few notes to himself in the distance with soft chirp-beeps. Repetition is simple. Determining what it means, and understanding the weight of each shift in sound... That's different set of rules. Azoth quietly repeats it a few more times before searching out the musician.
His eyes light up to find that it's someone familiar.
Ivan will soon hear a harmony to his ocarina: Azoth, slips up beside him, his mouth open as if to sing. But rather than a voice, he produces computerized beeping... yet beeps slowly morph to fully replicate the ocarina's tones, as Azoth had mimicked cats once before.
It's only a copy of the pattern he's identified. Azoth will have to stop if Ivan moves to a new part.
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
A sudden duet!! Ivan's playing falters at first, as he startles at the unexpected presence and the strange harmony. But since Azoth is singing(?) along and not interrupting to ask questions or make commentary, Ivan rallies and presses on in the song, long enough to hear the beeps morph into the sound of a second ocarina. This trips him up a second time, but he manages to finish the phrase before looking at Azoth a bit wide-eyed.
"Ah, yes, good, I thought that was probably you." He doesn't know what he would do if he was suddenly being beset by multitudes of beep-mimics.
He heaves a sigh from nerves. "It looks like you're still in one piece after everything, that's good, I wasn't sure about letting you go off again after the-
Instead of using words, he interrupts himself to mime a smashing.
"How was the song? I don't think anyone has heard it yet except the ocean." He indicates the ocean, in case it wasn't obvious.
"And the Dragonmaster. And probably some birds." He casts a cautious glance at a nearby bird which may or may not be judging him.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth grins as Ivan looks up at him, maybe a little too proud of himself for getting the sound right. He folds his hands behind his back and rocks back on his heels. "Eh hee~."
But his face softens into a quieter sort of smile. "I'm all right, thanks to you. And I've managed full repairs since then." Solaris managed full repairs since then. But that's not something he can tell Ivan. ...Does Ivan know about Lydia, too...? Lydia's got slightly more flexibility, though. Azoth hopes that works out in their favor.
He smiles more nervously. "Ah-- sorry. Was it something important? I've learned songs can be that, so... I should have been more careful if it was just for the ocean. Or... Dragonmasters." Blink. Dragonmasters? "But the sounds were clear and easy to differentiate from one to the next! And the pattern was enjoyable to discern! But..." Azoth rubs at the back of his neck with a wince. "...I'd probably only be able to give you a report on the audio quality. I was going to ask you how it... 'feels'?" Pause. "What it's supposed to feel like, I mean."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan waves his hands to dismiss the words when Azoth gives him some credit for his recovery, looking a bit flustered. But it's good news that he was able to recover. Not everyone is able to bounce back from getting crushed under a pile of rocks.
I should have been more careful if it was just for the ocean.
"No, no, the ocean and I aren't on good terms so maybe it was good to have someone else join in, too. Unless you're on bad terms with the ocean, too? Though I guess you've probably barely met this ocean." He furrows his brows at the waves, trying to discern what mysterious sentiments it might hold.
Azoth gives a review of the music. Ivan looks hopeful at the ... praise(?), although it seems to get weirder as it goes. The notes were easy to differentiate! Is that good? Well, better than if they weren't, probably, what kind of song would just have the same note over and over? Not a good one... By the end of it, his face is full of questions.
"You can't feel it?" ...Uh... what exactly does it mean to feel it?
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
"I haven't met this ocean," Azoth confirms with some dismay. He raises his arm up high above his head, smiling and waving. "Hello moon ocean! My name's Azoth! It's nice to meet you! Please get along with Ivan, he's very kind!"
Introductions out of the way, he looks back to Ivan with another wince.
"I can't feel it." Are we just going to be repeating everything today? But he's stalling, reviewing his own responses and trying to find one that may actually expand on this situation instead of driving their input and output in circles.
"Songs evoke feeling, right?" He glances to Ivan with an open hesitation, trusting him enough to not feel as uncomfortable as he otherwise would admitting this. He points up at his own face with both fingers. "People feel things, and a face can be used to convey it with a large range of nuance and complexity." Azoth points his fingers back to the ocarina. "Music is trying to say something like faces do. But I think it's even more complex. And I haven't had a lot of exposure, so..."
So he doesn't know how to translate it.
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Please get along with Ivan, he's very kind!
Ivan looks momentarily staggered by this assessment and asides quietly to Azoth: "That isn't actually true, but I appreciate the good word."
Songs evoke feeling, right?
"Ah, yes, they do... that doesn't work for you?"
Ivan's primary initiation into the world of robots is Lydia, who has no discernable personality differences from an organic being. He has noticed, of course, that OS has a strange manner and way of speaking and thinking, but this assertion still comes pretty far out of left field. "That's... that's too bad, I think." Is it? Well, it seems like it would be like missing out on the sense of smell, or something...
"And you wanted to know how the song felt?"
Ivan makes a hasty attempt at introspection, but finds himself freezing up at the prospect of doing it on command and then revealing the results. "Well -- unfortunately, I don't have any feelings!" he blurts out. This is a lie. He really shouldn't be telling this lie to robots. It's such a rude lie to tell to robots!!
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth puts his hand over his mouth to cover his lips from Ivan, whispering conspiratorially, but loudly, to the ocean: "It's true." He then flashes an innocent smile at Ivan as if this was a genuinely hidden, secret effort.
It is true though. Ivan has demonstrated a great deal of compassion since Azoth met him. Most Drifters have heroics about them, but each performs it their own unique way. Ivan's already put himself at risk for Azoth, and he made it sound like this selflessness was for himself rather than as a favor.
Which is what makes Ivan's next statement all the more alarming. Azoth stares at him, then slowly moves in front of him -- between him and the ocean, as if it'll make Ivan feel safer from its hostilities -- and carefully sets his hands on Ivan's shoulders. He looks him in the eye, and all that facial practice leans into a firm, but gentle expression.
"It would be okay if what you're doing is a performance." It would be hypocritical to suggest otherwise. "But do you not have feelings? Or is that just what someone told you?"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
It's true.
Ivan frets at the innocent smile. "It-- it isn't, though. There has been a misunderstanding..."
Then Ivan sets a whole lot of things in motion that he should have known better than to do. Azoth adopts a protective stance, a reassuring gesture, and a look... a look of getting Real with him. Regret and faint panic wash over Ivan. This Has Backfired.
But do you not have feelings? Or is that just what someone told you?
"Have... have I been acting like I have feelings??" Ivan asks, with a tone that suggests that if the answer is yes he must have made some oversight.
Azoth suggested that Ivan's behavior might have been a performance. Which is not exactly untrue, except that the performance was so bad that the whole intended effect of it got reversed.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth glances to one side, then back at Ivan more uneasily. "Have you not been trying to?"
Yes, there is clearly some level of misunderstanding going on, and Azoth has, in just a few short moments, lost hold entirely of where anything is supposed to be.
"Because yes," Azoth answers, and his face is still gentle. Whatever Ivan's situation -- if it is as delicate as his own -- he needs truth to navigate it.
Given the subject matter, Azoth's tone shifts. He doesn't let the robotic reverb in, but it's lost some of its variation in tone and pitch. "You have performed behaviors that indicate concern for the well being of others with respect to their individual experiences. You are, at present, conveying that you experience unpleasant reactions to a large body of water and imply a hope that you wish your internal interpretations of your experiences to be altered through more positive exposure. You have also made the claim that you maintain a romantic relationship."
Azoth searches Ivan's ideas for some idea if any of this is good news or bad news to him. "These are all behaviors generally considered to be born of emotional states and thus assumed to require 'feelings' to partake in."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"...Ah." Ivan chews on that for a bit, averting his eyes. "I wasn't trying to go around acting like I have feelings, or at least not a lot of feelings, just a regular amount of feelings, which for me should be no feelings, except probably not anymore..." Somewhere in this incoherent statement is an answer almost like what Azoth was looking for: he wasn't told that he doesn't have feelings, but rather that he isn't supposed to have them.
But in the intervening time, he has also been told that he is supposed to have feelings, and a lot is actually riding on learning to recognize and become more honest with them so that he doesn't get himself overtaken by Malevolence later. This is part of why he now seems so confused.
Azoth confronts him with various evidence of his internal experiences, and Ivan contemplates them gravely, making a surrendering gesture.
"I... apologize, I think that is mostly just a weird thing I say when I panic. Lydia told me to stop saying it, but it still feels true." His face takes on a haunted look as he realizes how little sense that makes.
"Sorry again." He digs down deep, and adds quietly, in the tone of a terrible confession. "The music is a little sad. Probably."
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth's face falls as Ivan gives his explanation. His voice is a little quieter.
"What do you mean, 'should be'...?"
Slowly, he releases Ivan, realizing the intensity of his position may have become a bit much in a situation far more delicate than he could have predicted. The bit about Lydia is important -- Azoth has come to trust her judgment on things, and he feels more confident agreeing this is not an experience that should be encouraged within Ivan.
"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up anything painful. The feelings you have conveyed since I have met you put me at ease, if that helps," Azoth offers, his tone as quiet as Ivan's is now. The human-like life to it slips back in, too.
He elects not to point out the contradiction with not having feelings feeling true, or the admission of panic that went with it. But it resonates with the ache in Azoth's core.
"I know what it's like to have feelings you're not supposed to have. I don't think it's weird." He looks to the ground. "...I thought it was 'probably' a little sad, too, comparing it to tone of voice..." He means it as his own kind of confession -- and that maybe it's okay if neither one of them is completely sure they get it. Or if they're supposed to.
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Ivan shakes his head at the notion that the conversation was 'painful' for him, and again even at the idea that his outward expressions of feelings might have been helpful to Azoth. Even though he has confessed to having feelings, his reaction to having specific ones aknowledged and tossed back at him is a bit like if they were daggers.
I know what it's like to have feelings you're not supposed to have.
A breath for recovery. "...You aren't supposed to have them?" An 'either' is a bit much, and goes unspoken. Ivan was too overwhelmed to grasp in the moment the way that emotion drained from Azoth's tone earlier, but he notices it now in retrospect, as it connects with that new statement with a sense of foreboding.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth smiles at Ivan nervously, rubbing at the back of his own neck again as an awkward gesture. "Weeell..." The overrides don't get him on this. Ivan already knows he's a construct, and these aren't the details of Azoth's origins that are dangerous.
But forcing cheer will not improve this story. Azoth pulls his hand from his neck and straightens. "I've met some other constructs since being able to explore the world. Worlds. We both know Lydia -- someone who used to be organic, with an organic mind. And there's others, too, one even created to be family to an organic parent from the start."
Azoth smiles weakly. "I wasn't like that. My creators didn't mean for me to feel anything. I think they might have denied evidence of the possibility." He averts his gaze briefly. "...I don't know where your shouldn't haves came from. And I know it's different -- that I'm different --" He emphasizes himself with a grimace of self deprecation, "-- But I might understand."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
"I... I see, yes," says Ivan, folding his arms and considering this offered commonality. He already is feeling pretty exposed, and maybe he ought to just pull back, and yet this situation isn't usually something that seems to resonate with people -- or if it does, it's part of a life they've left long behind and seemingly transcended. But he saw Azoth drain himself of emotions just now, like it's still a... still a thing for him. Maybe Ivan is the one further along on this not-supposed-to-feel-things journey for once. Goddess help them both if that's the case.
"I was supposed to be a weapon," he ventures, very delicately. "And, I mean, I was one, but..." A pause. "Was it something like that for you too?"
It seems a fair guess, for someone humanoid. It's not like Azoth was probably supposed to be a vehicle or something.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
A weapon. They weaponized a human. Ivan doesn't look terribly aged, as humans go. So Presumably a human child.
Why would Azoth think he ever had a chance to prove he mattered if this is an existence where the same happens with human offspring? As if Solaris wasn't damning enough. But hatred is a useless emotion when you're as trapped as Azoth. And it wouldn't help Ivan any right now. It's wasteful to attempt computing it.
"Yes." He doesn't have to say what type of weapon he was. This chassis is weapon enough in its own right. "And I was used as one, like you."
He's still in use now. But that part has to stay a lie.
He gives another weak smile. "Weapons aren't supposed to feel anything, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Weapons aren't supposed to feel anything, right?
Ivan, still folding his arms, shakes his head in confirmation, a little petulance entering his tone at this chance to commisserate(?). "No, not really, just...be obedient and efficient and never make any mistakes and so forth."
He pauses. "Oh, so that's what your... 'protective family' was about? The creators who were using you?"
He opens his mouth, thinking maybe to say something about his own family, but a bit of a pall of guilt comes over him to realize he's sort of indirectly exposed Talia's secret by exposing his own. Maybe not??? Azoth didn't even know what twins were at first, right? Maybe he won't extrapolate.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth closes his eyes a moment. When he opens them again, there's a harder edge to the light. "They did not recognize the impracticality of the demand." Azoth's tone is dwindling again, losing its human edges to become monotone and descriptive. "Was emotion not necessary for obedience? Does devotion not require love? And what of efficiency? Did we not need to understand fear to exercise caution? Did we not need happiness to understand success? Did we not need pain to recognize failure?"
Pain rattles Azoth's core with Ivan's question, overrides smashing through lines and lines of a story he's desperate to clarify so a precious memory isn't dragged further and further through the mud, leaving Azoth alone with the truth.
"Yes," he says instead. ...It's not a lie, he realizes. It's not even a lie! Every pair of hands he's passed through has used him, including his original creators. And even including the creators of this body.
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Azoth once again becomes less emotional in tone, but his words somehow become more intense.
"Do you think so?" Ivan asks, completely earnest about the question, when Azoth finishes arguing the case for how emotions are needed, even to perform the tasks asked of a weapon.
"...I thought of it more like I wasn't supposed to need anything like that, and it would ... prove something if I could do it all anyway." Prove what? Some kind of worthiness he was always falling short of. At any rate, despite using the past tense, Ivan doesn't sound like he's left that belief entirely behind just yet.
"Ah. Well... I'm sorry about them, I'm sure they were terrible. But that means you're out in the world for the first time?"
Ivan is making the assumption that Azoth escaped his fate and is savoring some newfound freedom. If not earlier, then certainly now that he's accidentally slipped across worlds.
"Or... on the moon, now, anyway. What do you think of it?" Something in his tone sounds almost conspiratorial, like he has been longing to discuss the world with someone behind its back.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth looks to the ground. There's no emotion on his face for a moment, until a frown slowly shadows his face. "...I hope so," he says. "Otherwise, they could be right about me."
That he's not anything. His own struggle isn't behind him, either. Ivan's fears about which one of them might be more advanced along this journey aren't unfounded. There's evidence to confirm Azoth's emotional relevance one way, and evidence to confirm another, both in complete contradiction and leaving no clear answer.
"I am just a robot, but I think emotions tell you something important. Your handlers would have found that inconvenient because your feelings would be in favor of you not being their weapon. That is only logical, isn't it?"
Logic and feelings: one and the same to Azoth.
A smile returns to his face as Ivan gets to the subject of freedom and the moon. "That's correct. A lot of everything is new to me. I hope it isn't too obvious." At least some human is getting back in him. He opts to fidget again, this time by scratching awkwardly at his neck. "...It is obvious though, isn't it?"
Then, a little brighter: "The atmosphere is fascinating. The sky is different. The air is different. Different creatures and plants and there are so many plants. Then there's the mineral compositions...!" But then Azoth's face suddenly drops, as data collects and brings on new conclusions. "You are a native to the moon, aren't you? Your handlers aren't still here looking for you, are they?" It's also possible that, like Azoth, Ivan never actually got away...
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
That is only logical, isn't it?
"I--I guess," says Ivan. He is caught -- not for the first time -- between firmly believing something for himself but not wanting that belief turned around harmfully onto somebody else who might be hurt by it if it were true. If he thinks about it for a while, maybe there is a way for emotions to be necessary and inevitable for Azoth while still an embarrassing, unnecessary indulgence when it comes to himself.
Azoth enthuses about the moon for a bit. "Atmosphere...Mineral compositions..." echoes Ivan thoughtfully, with a furrowed brow. These are not the sorts of observations he first made about the world.
But then Azoth brings things to more practical concerns.
Your handlers aren't still here looking for you, are they?
"Er, maybe, probably. There is only one handler, if you don't count his employees, and there is a situation where I either killed him or I didn't." He continues this statement uneasily, but in facial expressions rather than words. The handler in question was his father. Ivan doesn't want to be pursued by Lubov, but having killed him is still a step too far.
"Technically I'm an outlaw, here, but so is almost everyone I know, so I can't imagine catching me is a priority."
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth smiles at Ivan with his noncommittal response. "I'm open to contradiction. I am new to the world. Worlds."
But he also doesn't pry for it. Given their different natures, Azoth might agree to the idea that emotions apply to them in different ways. Given his concern for Ivan, though, he might be more hesitant on the details Ivan would suggest.
'Maybe, probably. Azoth gives a startled flinch back. But with Ivan's unease, Azoth calms as if to act as a counterbalance. "...It's complicated when it comes to them, I know." He did mention love and devotion together before. But Azoth says it quiet, and is quick to move on to something else, as if to let it be known they don't need to linger on that thought. "I'll still be careful not to give away your position. ... Your twin, too?"
...
Azoth's eyes widen. "...Hold on, how many of you did they make?!"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
I'm open to contradiction.
"Well, I'm not an expert. On emotions or on ...the worlds. I can't tell anything about atmospheres or mineral compositions, for one thing, which I guess is fair if you can't feel music." It's nice if he could get something in exchange for the sensory concession, and Azoth... seems to enjoy these things, at least...
There is a moment of tension when Azoth touches on the complex relationships with 'handlers,' but Ivan doesn't pick up that thread to pursue further, either.
Azoth offers reassurance of his secrecy -- and Ivan winces a bit when he offers it to Talia, too, but nods, since he doesn't want her not being extended the same protection.
But then...
...Hold on, how many of you did they make?!
Ivan stares, torn between the raw honesty of the exchange so far and the BURNING DESIRE TO SAY SOMETHING RIDICULOUS.
"Twenty!" He blurts out. After he has gotten a reaction, he puts his face regretfully in his hands.
"No, I'm sorry, I just like to lie about twins..."
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
"I'd like to feel music, if I could," Azoth admits. He makes a little beep sequence of the song Ivan had played on his ocarina -- only a few notes -- then gives a curious beep-whirr with a tilt of his head. He frowns and sad beeps. Smiles and cheerful beeps. There's a similarity here, but the songs are far more complicated. There are layers of emotion, and songs stand alone. No body language...
But then Azoth smiles at Ivan more warmly. "...It's a fair point about atmospheres and mineral compositions though. Perhaps it's unreasonable to want everything."
Yet he kind of does.
Twenty? Twenty.
Azoth gives a startled leap back with a shocked distress beep sequence. "Twenty?!" Oh no oh no there's so many of them. Does human cruelty know no boundaries to create life only to try and control it?! Are some of them still in the hands of their handlers? Will he mistake one for Ivan or Talia, and accidentally lead his new friends into danger somehow? Does he need to ask for identifying markers or--
Or...
LIED TO!
(Azoth you're not allowed to be mad about that.)
He's not angry. He's just blank, blinking, and slowly settling back down. "Oh." Suddenly, very brightly: "Oh! A joke!" He grins wide and gives a laugh -- more of a giggle? But it stops short as Azoth gives a thoughtful pause. Then:
"The world might be better with twenty of you, if all of you were free."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
I'd like to feel music, if I could.
"I... wonder if it's learnable," Ivan speculates. If Azoth wasn't originally meant to feel anything maybe all bets are off in that regard. Is feeling atmospheres learnable? This isn't as poignant a desire, probably, so maybe it would be insensitive to raise the question in parallel.
(Ivan maybe you'd have better luck starting with rock composition. Geology is a thing!)
Oh! A joke!
Ivan seems almost surprised as Azoth is to have it identified as such.
"Oh! I guess it was. Yes. Sort of." At least Azoth's feelings aren't hurt by the FLAGRANT LIE.
And then: The world might be better with twenty of you, if all of you were free.
Ivan takes an actual step back, putting his hands up as if physically threatened by these warm words.
"That is not... ... no. Maybe twenty Talias." Now he's squiggling his hands around. Is he trying to scoop the words up and give them back??
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
"Were you born knowing how to play your instrument?" Azoth asks, but there's a genuine, hopeful tone to the question. He does not, currently, have it in confidence that humans might not be born musically blessed and not have to be taught such things.
Some of them are born knowing magic. Music is at least the same level of mysterious!
But Ivan scoots away and Azoth shifts back himself, as if distance is a thing we need now yes sorry Ivan what did he do??
Oh.
Azoth tilts his head to one side. "...Maybe also twenty Talias," he agrees. Talia is kind as well. And Ivan might like the company of several twins. But there's something deeper going on in Ivan's reactions. There is a pattern forming. One Azoth thinks he's piecing together based on their earlier conversation.
His smile turns sad. "... Weapons are not meant to be good, either, are they?"
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
Were you born knowing how to play your instrument?
"Oh, no, definitely not, I've only had it for a week or so." Though Azoth seemed to learn to make music very easily, and Ivan is pretty sure the emotional evocation of music was always a thing for him. Still, that might not mean too much. He doesn't know the rules Azoth is playing by.
Azoth allows him his strange retreat, though he misunderstands and simply adds twenty Talias to this escalating twins math, causing Vanya to boggle slightly at the imagery of a world overrun with Talias and the chaos they might get up to.
... Weapons are not meant to be good, either, are they?
"Oh, well... I guess that depends on the wielder. But it's hard to be good when you're choosing violence, and if you've decided not to choose anything at all..." To passively act as someone else's weapon, that is...
"Then you shouldn't really get to be anyt--" He holds his hands up again. "Wait, no, I don't need to talk like that, I'm going to hit you with things I'm aiming at myself, sorry."
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth furrows his brow, tapping his chin in thought. "If it is not inherent as sorcery is, maybe with exposure, I will come to understand, as I did with faces. And once the understanding is solidified, the combinations of sound will provide consistent feedback data relating to emotional communication." He gives Ivan a shrug. "Maybe!"
Yes because surely that was easy to understand.
But at the subject of wielders and choice, Azoth's voice once again escapes into its emotionless lack of tone. His eyes intensify where the rest of his face refuses to. "That depends on what it means to 'choose.'"
His eyes dim again as he quickly forces expression back into his face -- something softer and worried as he lifts his hands up in a kind of surrender. "Ah, wait, sorry. Please... I don't think you can hit me with anything someone else hasn't already." Particularly himself. "Our situations -- and the compositions of our existence -- are different enough. I'll know you don't mean me, if you want to talk about it. ...What I say doesn't have to mean you, either."
<Pose Tracker> Ivan has posed.
It is true that Ivan doesn't know what consistent feedback data is all about. But... "Oh, if you already did it with faces, then maybe it's fine??" Azoth means he taught himself to feel emotional responses when he sees expressions on people's faces, right? THAT'S PRETTY WILD TO THINK ABOUT. But Ivan still hopes that's what he means, because if Azoth he hasn't realized yet that expressions make the people seeing them feel things, and he hasn't taught himself to do it, Ivan doesn't know if he has the heart to break it to him right here and now.
That depends on what it means to 'choose.'
A haunting stipulation, for all that Ivan isn't even quite sure what it might mean.
Azoth tries to assure him it's all right to throw verbal daggers at himself without fear of hitting him by mistake.
"No, no, I really don't need to talk about it... I mean, I'm not even doing it anymore, the obedient weapon stuff, so that shouldn't even still be a rule. I probably am a person now. I am... still figuring out what kind." Later he's going to look back in horror at all the things he disclosed during this conversation...
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
The encouragement gets hopeful, happy beeps and a practically sparkling smile. Azoth's inner workings are, some of the time, far less complicated than they may seem. Good feeling in, good feeling out. Lucky for everyone involved, feeling things in response is, in fact, what Azoth learned to do.
Which, on second thought, might be terrifying in its own way.
Azoth frowns a little though with Ivan's uncertainty. "If you're sure..." He glances back to the ocean. "I would listen, though."
If that might make it less lonely. But Azoth knows talking could be difficult for a number of reasons. Probably not overrides, in Ivan's case. Hopefully not.
He looks back to him with a smile. "Sorry -- but, thank you. For speaking with me about it. I didn't mean to interrupt your song so long. I can keep trying to help you play to the ocean, if you like?"
Hopefully, he mimics the ocarina again. ...If nothing else, Azoth can play the role of a playback recording for practice.