2020-12-17: Contemplating a Bird
- Log: Azoth - 2020-12-17: The Condition of Being Alive
- Cast: Seraph Boudicca, Azoth
- Where: The Fahrenheit
- Date: December 17, 2020
- Summary: While contemplating a bird, Boudicca and Azoth have a light conversation about fear, sacrifice, and pain. ...That's light, right?
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Boudicca has posed.
And so we come to the DECK OF THE FAHRENHEIT: smooth and flat and open to the air, currently thousands of feet above anything resembling ground. There are clouds. It is not so impossible to think one could reach out and touch them.
(They are mostly just damp.)
Boudicca, currently, is out here sitting very, very still, like some statue given life. The reason for this is made clear on the opposite end of the deck: an albatross has come to rest on the railing, broad of wing and spirit.
It's been resting its wings for a while now.
Boudicca hasn't moved this whole time.
She is, naturally, unaware of any questions which might be raised on the ship of where she's gone to, because look at that bird.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Carrying itself high in the sky is one of the Fahrenheit's best features, and Azoth is drawn to the deck of all places on the ship more than any other. Sometimes he thinks the data of feeling the wind against him almost brings back a memory. Sometimes there's no threatened memories at all, but a certain sense of comfort -- a rightness in sensation this body can't provide.
It also has birds, apparently! Azoth's eyes brighten before making a careful, painstakingly slow movement toward where Boudicca herself is seated. He is a near match for her stillness as he beholds the bird from this proper bird viewing area, eyes sparkling with joy.
When he finally speaks, it is a careful whisper. "Hello, Miss Boudicca. Do you mind if sit here?"
Bird!
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Boudicca has posed.
Friend Bird tilts its head towards Azoth as he comes to join Boudicca, but there are no sudden movements, so he is distinctly unbothered. They're on the other side of the deck and it is a VERY big bird.
"Oh!" Boudicca says, hushed but not unenthusiastic, as she hears that whisper. Her head turns; she smiles. "Please, feel free. I simply lost track of time observing this creature. The denizens of the sky are such noble creatures."
The bird lifts a wing and preens its feathers. It is the picture of nobility. Albatross noises.
Boudicca blinks, and surprise graces her face anew, as she asks: "Oh, dear, I have not sat here for some weeks, have I? No, surely I would have noticed the ship coming to rest..? There was a matter to be handled within days..." She sounds entirely genuine about her alarm about time slipping away, like it's not an uncommon occurrence.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth resists the urge to wave to the bird, but he does so in his heart, or his mechanical core equivalent of one.
When there are albatross noises, Azoth also has to resist mimicking the sounds. But he commits them to memory, hands near his chin in excited fists. Noble. Perhaps that is a good word for it. "Mm...! How they've specialized for aerial locomotion is amazing..."
But her question gives Azoth pause. Azoth's had his own moments of weeks long stillness -- a Gear sitting in a hanger, unused, but aware. Yet he takes his RTC for granted in this scenario, it seems. When concern turns to a bit of alarm, Azoth smiles at her gently. "I don't think weeks... How many birds have you seen?"
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Boudicca has posed.
"'Tis just this one bird," Boudicca says. "It was flying above the ship - remarkable, truly - when it came to realise this was a mobile platform, and came to rest upon it. I believe the crew considers it a symbol of good luck..." Here she pauses, a finger tapping to her lip. "... though, I cannot be certain."
Language barriers. They never stopped being a thing.
"I suppose that would indicate it has not been too long," she picks up on Azoth's point, eventually. "Perhaps hours, not weeks. What a relief," she smiles, rosy in expression. "I would be terribly embarrassed were I to fail to support my companions due to a mismatch in time."
Looking back to the noble albatross, Boudicca is still smiling. "I have always liked the birds. They care little for gravity or the concerns of those below. And, we are both weavers, in our fashion." Birds... are soft and brave.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth smiles brightly as Boudicca catches onto the point. "Then I think you're safe," he agrees. "I don't think they would forget about you and leave you here without looking either, though." He certainly hopes that wouldn't be the case for her.
He turns his attention back to the albatross with her as she speaks of it. Azoth regard birds as he regards most things: with calculated study and observation noting advantageous versus disadvantageous traits, at once discerning what can be learned and what can be exploited.
The latter compulsion of his programming is a little awkward when it concerns mundane creatures of the world. It isn't likely Azoth will find himself in life or death struggle with an albatross demanding he know the critical flaw in their natural design.
The first, however, can be something parallel to admiration. Boudicca provides new variables for consideration.
"I do wish I could fly like they do." His head shifts to one side in curiosity. "...Weavers? What do you mean?"
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Boudicca has posed.
Boudicca doesn't assess threat capability of things in her environment, but she worries about the harm which might come to her mortal friends due to the world in which they live, and maybe that's not so dissimilar. No harm would come to her friends due to an albatross, though, unless someone was fool enough to take a crossbow to it. So it's fine!
She reaches up, slowly, so as not to startle Friend Bird, and pulls one of her braids up over her shoulder. (It is quite a long braid. It must reach down to her legs when she isn't sitting down!) "I have enjoyed weaving things together since I was young," she explains, as if the braid and the ribbon woven through it illuminate everything. "I did so love seeing the nests of birds, what they made from discarded twigs and feathers. I can only aspire to be so industrious."
The Industrious Friend Bird cocks its head and clicks its beak. It is VERY CUTE.
"Ah, but flight is a funny thing," Boudicca muses, glancing back from the bird to Azoth. "I cannot quite manage it in this form, though gravity is not such an issue for me. But it is good, to be able to rise above. Perhaps one day we shall get you a Gear, and then you will be able to fly." Boudicca... is completely unaware of what she may have just put her foot in. She means well.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Seeing it as an invitation, Azoth takes a moment to analyze Boudicca's braid.
Conclusion: what an efficient way to take a large volume of hair and wrap it into something more manageable while providing a novel angle of adornment! How delightfully practical!
Which is to say, Azoth is now looking at Boudicca's braid with the same level of joyful admiration and sparkling eyes as he was the albatross not a moment ago. "I see...!" He reaches up to his own hair, giving a little tug curiously. There may be, barely, enough length to manage the tiniest of braids around one of his ears if one were enterprising enough.
"You seem skilled enough. With practice, I'm sure you could have your own nest!" he says without an ounce of insincerity.
BEAK CLICK. Azoth vibrates a moment, because he wants to beak click back, but doesn't want to startle the majestic albatross. ...So he mimics the sound very, very quickly, like a whisper to himself, because a voice synthesizer gives him the advantage of dropping the volume to 1.
A Gear. There's no blame for them not knowing. It would be easier if he could tell them, though. What conversation could they have about the sky if he could admit it? Azoth will never know.
"Maybe so. I'm not sure where I'd keep it, but..." He frowns thoughtfully. There's so many awkward layers to the idea of another body that isn't his. Or even if he considers it a vague wish he get that body back -- that's not without its dangers, either. Still...
"...It would be nice to move freely in the sky." 'Again' goes unspoken. He turns his thoughtfulness to a quiet smile. "What's it like for you? To fly in that other form. Er, i-if you don't mind me asking."
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Boudicca has posed.
"That would be wonderful!" Boudicca enthuses, without, again, a single shred of irony. She is legitimately enthusiastic about the idea of building a nest. At least she manages to keep the volume down to a level which won't startle the majestic albatross, who is currently preening its other wing.
She blinks when she hears Azoth echo the sound of beak click, but quietly. "What a remarkable skill," she reflects. She's never been able to mimic bird sounds like that...!
"Yes," Boudicca nods, unaware of the extra layer of awkwardness she's poured on poor Azoth. "Storing Gears thoughtfully is a difficult question. Ah, but there is plenty of time to figure that out in the future, I suppose." She did find one once! It's being repaired. ... probably still being repaired. She hasn't checked on it since last they were in Filgaia.
She tilts her head, as she considers the question. "Well," she says, "I disincorporate to something like light. I can still see, and speak; but I do not have form, the way we do here. It is not something I do too often... so I am unsure of how much I can fly, to be frank. But, it is... like being a leaf on the wind, I suppose."
With quiet laughter, she shakes her head. "One of my erstwhile companions likened me to a 'ghost girl'... I suppose it is not so dissimilar. I am a spirit, not a ghost, but perhaps the idea is similar..?" She raises a hand, palm up, and assures Azoth: "But, I am not in the business of haunting. Please rest assured."
With the levity in her tone, she may have, in fact... been attempting a joke..!
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
A nest might, in fact, be the perfect home upon reflection. It combines two of Azoth's favorite things: a sense of safety and stuff found off of the ground.
Azoth grins with embarrassment, rubbing the back of his head with Boudicca's mimicry praise. "Hee, thanks. Though our friend came up with the sound, not me." But a little robot driven by positive feedback can't help eating up, well, positive feedback...!
Would a Gear body be more comfortable than this one? If only temporary? Perhaps he should take them up on this offer to help him search for... not an asset, but an experience. "Right. Thinking too many steps ahead can be as bad as not thinking ahead at all."
For not the first time, Azoth has that impulse to relate while questioning if he ought to -- if he can. But Boudicca, shifting forms into 'big' and well armored like this, 'small' like that, with possibly a slightly different set of sensations to go with it... "Oh. It doesn't... hurt, does it?"
A joke! Does Azoth catch it? "That's a shame. I think you'd be the kind of ghost that would put people at ease to be haunted by."
...Maybe?!
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Boudicca has posed.
"'Tis an admirable echo," Boudicca feeds positive feedback into a positive robot. Together, they are... unrelentingly positive?!
"It is a thing I struggle with," she admits, on the topic of thinking ahead, "but I am striving to restrain my concerns to the current day. Worrying overmuch does little to safeguard anyone, in the end." Could it be... that Boudicca also sees dangers..?
(Althena took a perfectly good spirit and messed it up. Look at her, she has anxiety.)
She smiles, when Azoth... maybe catches the joke. Maybe. "A ghost who eases concerns..? I would be proud to be such a ghost." She tilts her head, as she considers his earlier question, a finger tapping at the ribbon in her hair. "Ah, as for that... it does not hurt to dematerialise, though the process of doing so can be painful. It is... a simple way to deal with assaults of excessive magnitude, you see."
She taps her gauntlet, now, with her other hand. "I am not mortal, you see - but my form may still be damaged by excessive physical force. It becomes... more distressing to animate, past a certain point. And, of course, the psychic toll of maintaining in the face of that damage is not to be discounted. Even immortal spirits need a rest eventually."
With a gesture, she adds: "But please do not be alarmed should you see me injured. It is not a thing which will trouble me the way it might trouble our mortal associates."
Boudicca, of course, says this because she doesn't want Azoth to worry if they're fighting together against some common foe. That's how that would come up, wouldn't it..?
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
"Mm," Azoth murmurs in agreement with the response to safeguarding, and it is another moment the cheer quiets just a little in favor of thoughtfulness. "It's difficult when you don't have all the information for an answer that feels certain. But... not a lot IS certain."
Or sometimes the wrong things are. Solaris has also messed up a perfectly good Gear.
Maybe not that good. He doesn't remember.
Azoth flinches when Boudicca admits to the possibility of distress. He looks at her a long quiet moment, certainly not without the fears of where it may come up (and knowing it may very well be not what she's thinking), but it's more than that.
"...It's still alarming if you're in pain," he finally says. "Even if it's something different from flesh and blood. Even knowing you can survive it."
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Boudicca has posed.
Boudicca blinks, looking a little baffled as she considers it. "Ah... yes, I suppose it is," she allows, after a moment, when she realises Azoth might say it's alarming because it's alarming to him. "Forgive me - I spoke without thinking."
She puffs out a light sigh, a breeze which ruffles the feathers of Friend Bird across the way. (It tilts its head to the side as it considers the new wind, but it doesn't look terribly surprised.) "There is pain which alarms me, I will admit. But 'tis not pain of the flesh, but rather... pains of the spirit. Assaults to the Leyline... are quite difficult, for people like me. And there is a power called 'Malevolence'... all spirits ought fear this, you see."
Boudicca chuckles, shaking her head. "... though, rather than run from it, I have taken up arms against it, with the aid of the Guardians. It is funny... I have rather the nervous disposition, and yet when peril rose, I leapt without thinking, too."
... it's funny, but it doesn't sound surprising.
"I suppose we share a compulsion to protect the people around us," Boudicca says, contemplative. "But there is wisdom in your words, Azoth. It is worthy to avoid pain, even if the pain is no grievous thing." Glancing to him, she smiles. "Is this not the condition of 'being alive'? It seems I still have much to learn on this matter."
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
In a way, Azoth does mean himself, but only Boudicca has the self awareness to recognize he may be speaking to his own existential fears. It might be hypocritical for him to say it at all. Wouldn't Azoth give the same excuse if he were hurt? But he'd also be questioning if the pain mattered. Maybe if it does for Boudicca, it can for him.
"I've heard a bit about this 'Malevolence," Azoth says. He smiles at her notion of leaping into peril. Funny, maybe, and not surprising. But, from where he's sitting, perfectly logical: "You may be afraid of Malevolence, but you're more afraid of what it might do to everyone else."
And this, in light with that stated compulsion to protect... "I -- sorry if I said too much before. I know sometimes when it comes to protecting, there's a calculation in how much pain you can take that someone else can't. Even if that's only the choice to fight at all." He smiles at her sheepishly. "That sort of thinking might be troublesome if we fought closely side-by-side, huh?"
But he'd prefer that to the alternative.
"'Being alive'..." Azoth closes his eyes, as if to block out just a little more data to be alone with the consideration. "Maybe that's part of it. It's not really a matter I can say I understand. I still don't have an answer to the question you asked me before."
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Boudicca has posed.
"That has always been my fear," Boudicca nods, before she glances up, as if she could see the horns on her helm. (She cannot, and glances back down forthwith.) "To be honest, my fearsome appearance... personally, it is the remnants of a good luck charm. Passing strange, I admit... but better than the transformation proper. I pray you never encounter a dragon, Azoth," and the anxiety in her eyes is still there, "the remnants of immortality."
She might not be terribly clear, but she is evidently spooked. A spooked spook. How strange!
She smiles again, though, when Azoth apologises in turn. "I will keep in mind that I need not leap to your defence, if you try to keep in mind the same. 'Tis not the first time I have had to remember someone is more resilient than I thought. Even with our mortal associates - they are rather much tougher than I first feared!" And that emotion is, in fact, pride. She is proud of her friends for being tough.
"It is fine not to have answers so quickly," Boudicca says, a touch more gently than before. "Sometimes, one must stop pursuing the question to find the answer. There are many answers I have found in contemplation of the noble bird."
She gestures, with a small motion, to their Majestic Bird Friend, who is currently considering the clouds. "Shall we engage in contemplation, Azoth?"
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth follows Boudicca's gaze to her horns. If she cannot see them, he will have to appreciate them for her. He does with great bias, because he also has horns... ...on his original body. "I'll be careful if I ever do," is all he can promise, seeing her unease at the idea. What a force this Malevolence must be to terrify all who ever speak of it...
The pride makes him smile more warmly. "You trust them." He glances down. "Maybe that's what it is -- trusting that they chose to fight, and that they're sturdier than they seem. I can't tell someone not to protect what matters to them out of my own fear..."
This was easier when he was a big armored shell they could use for that purpose.
Azoth's eyes widen, brighter in their glow and giving the softest 'whir' as his pupil dilates at Boudicca's offer of contemplation as if she'd unknowingly offered him his favorite dessert. "Can we?!"
He sits cross legged, posture perfect, as he observes their noble albatross once more. Contemplation...!
<Pose Tracker> Seraph Boudicca has posed.
Some things were easier when Boudicca was a big armoured statue. But some things are easier now, too. Like doorknobs! The Beast of Lohgrin never quite mastered doorknobs. Now, all doors cower before the Seraph Boudicca.
"You can only control your own self," Boudicca nods, to Azoth. "It is better this way. Down the other path lies tyranny in the hearts of men." A beat, "... even if it feels as if they would get into far less trouble in a bubble, sometimes."
Maybe it's just not in the hearts of men, Boudicca.
She smiles, warmly, as Azoth expresses that enthusiasm. "Indeed we can," she says, "for as long as the bird wills it."
They're very good at staying still, so they should be able to contemplate this bird for quite a while. It's in the middle of preening, and it sees no reason to stop on account of its audience.
It's fine, though.
Someone will come up here and find them eventually.