2021-06-10: Reflections of the Past
- Log: Reflections of the Past
- Cast: Zephyr, Xantia
- Where: Shevat Palace
- Date: June 10, 2021
- Summary: Queen Zephyr relates to Xantia what she knows in regards to a person who looks just like Xantia, from a time long past.
=============================<* Shevat Palace *>==============================
At the center of Shevat lies its palace, the residence of Queen Zephyr, her staff, and her advisors. Compared to other palaces the worlds over, the one in Shevat is rather modest: the main chamber is a circular one, providing access to the various parts of the palace.
The main doors lead towards the throne room where Queen Zephyr may give audience, while side doors lead to the spaces such as the dining hall, the kitchen, and the personal quarters of the Queen and the others. Accessible to the public is the library, which contains both digitized and physical copies of books otherwise lost to history. Not so accessible are the strategic planning room which contains the bulk of Shevat's remaining sophisticated computer systems, the research laboratory wherein new technologies and solutions are sought, and the command center for Shevat's espionage and information network.
Any visitor may access the staircase leading up towards the gazebo on the roof of Shevat, where there exists a small garden and what may be the finest view on Filgaia. Somewhat less accessible to the average visitor is the prison below the palace. No one is kept down there now (or so it is said) but in the past Shevat was known for taking the occasional prisoner... and freezing them in carbonite.
BGM: Xenogears - Shevat - the Wind is Calling -
<Pose Tracker> Zephyr has posed.
A small room in a medical facility; there are only so many here, with a bed and a chair and a table with various equipment, the standard things in a reasonably advanced medical room. But this is one of them, and Zephyr has informed Xantia that she would meet her there. Xantia has her choice of staying in bed recovering or, if her injuries are largley healed by now, getting up and sitting in the other chair; either way, Zephyr arrives.
Queen Zephyr does not have a great deal of time on her hands given the attack from Odessa, but she made a commitment to an ally, and she intends to show her seriousness at that, in part by looking in on someone hurt defending on them--but in part by upholding that commitment. As always, she looks young. As always, she has a certain gravity to her bearing that makes that youthful look sit strangely.
"Xantia?" Zephyr actually pauses at the door. "May I come in?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
It's certainly true that following the fight against Odessan commander Ptolomea of Cocytus, Xantia needed a bit of patching up. Most notably for stab wounds in the arm, and some nasty burns on the back. Nothing particularly serious, or so she herself would say. In her frame of reference, this counts as making it through in good shape. It helps that she heals fairly quickly on her own accord, but professional assistance is very welcome all the same. Whatever lets her get back to more important things the quickest.
By now, Xantia doesn't really need the rest anymore, but she was alright with taking it easy for a little while longer. She has a lot to think about, given recent events. She decided to just lie on the bed for now, sans covers, hands behind her head and staring up at the ceiling. It's easy to lose track of time once she gets lost in thought - she's actually a little startled by hearing the queen's voice at the door all of a sudden, prompting her to sit up.
"Oh! Yes, of course, please!"
...There is a certain parallel here, but Xantia isn't aware of that as of yet. Her initial bright smile fades a bit as she scratches her cheek, feeling a little awkward about this arrangement.
"...Sorry, this feels a bit weird. I wasn't expecting that, you know... the queen would be the one who'd come to see me. I don't really know how it normally goes, but it almost feels like... it's against some kind of royal rules, or something. Not that I'm complaining!"
<Pose Tracker> Zephyr has posed.
All these things and more the Shevat facilities can handle, and the doctors, while harried from all the work and people they have to take care of, are competent and quick. But enough about that.
Xantia's on the bed, and the Queen steps inside, closing the door behind her. There is a parallel, but Zephyr knows it where Xantia does not. The smile fades... Well, it's fair to be awkward. Zephyr steps forward towards the chair, and smiles faintly. It is a polite smile; it is not really full of very much warmth, though not out of any dislike for Xantia. She just has a lot on her mind... all the time. There's a certain distance.
"Hmm, I think we can bend a few rules given the situation. It fits all of our time better this way."
Smoothing out her skirt, Zephyr looks to Xantia again. "I told you that I knew a woman who looked like you. I don't know how she's related to you, that much is true, but I can tell you some things about her, and perhaps that will lead you to new information in the future."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
The parallel ends with how free Xantia is to smoothly swivel herself over to sitting on the side of the bed, turning to face the chair as the queen moves there. Really, it's only the knowledge of 'this is a queen' that's making this feel a little strange. As a person, Zephyr doesn't strike her as someone she needs to be particularly formal around. Which, to be fair, is the way she feels by default around people she doesn't know very well. She doesn't normally err on the side of formality.
Sure enough, as soon as she's given what sounds like a 'this is fine', Xantia visibly relaxes. "Oh, okay! That's helpful, I have trouble following rules I don't know about."
...She doesn't seem to realize that what she said would be true for everybody. Xantia has a way of making it pretty clear how her mind tend to work within a matter of minutes.
Of course, once the matter at hand is brought up, her expression quickly turns more serious. There is a momentary pause, before she nods in understanding. "To tell you the truth, I was expecting to hear that I wasn't familiar to you at all. That's... how it's been everywhere. I mean, there were signs that maybe..." She stops herself there, and shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I need to... I need to hear this, yes. Please tell me. Anything at all could be really helpful."
<Pose Tracker> Zephyr has posed.
Zephyr does not seem to demand overmuch formality from Xantia, at least not as those things go; she's simply willing to talk. And when Xantia relaxes, Zephyr inclines her head. ...Well, maybe she's the kind of formal that doesn't need the other person to be formal.
"It would have been one of many such answers," she agrees. "But regardless of what would have been, there is this. I stress that I don't know that it will lead you anywhere, let alone anywhere good, but... This much I can say." A pause. "And I am slow in getting to the point."
"I would not be able to mistake you for her, as different as the two of you are. But you look exactly alike. Like a woman named Xenia, who we brought here long ago in hope that we could treat an affliction from which she suffered--and protect her from Solarian meddling."
"Her Ether affinity was incredible--to the point that it was a curse, rather than a blessing, you see. Drawing so much energy into herself at all times, without the ability to control it--it put quite a strain on her body."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia wouldn't have called that in a moment like this, where she may just receive the vital clues needed to finally uncover her true identity, she would have any sort of patience to get to the point. Nevertheless, when Zephyr points out that this is taking her a while, she can only giggle. "It's fine, it's fine, I know what that's like!"
In her case, it's more because of how she just says whatever comes to mind whenever it does, but that's neither here nor there.
She is still in the middle of recomposing herself to the proper level of seriousness... when her expression turns to overt shock. That happened as soon Zephyr spoke the name 'Xenia', instantly giving away that she knows that name. Taken aback by this, it takes her a moment to process. But as soon as she's recovered from the surprise, she is quick to interject.
"Hold on, wait a second! You said Xenia, right? I didn't mishear?" She pauses a moment, lowering her head as she mumbles to herself, "It couldn't be... but, then it must be..."
Abruptly, she raises her head again. "...Sorry, I should really let you finish first, but, it's just... when I first heard that name, I felt certain that name was... my mother's. Is that... could that be possible?"
<Pose Tracker> Zephyr has posed.
And to the point she does eventually get; Zephyr watches Xantia's expression turn to shock, surmises quickly that she knows the name one way or another, but is careful not to reveal much with her expression. She waits patiently for Xantia's interjection when it comes, and through it. So 'hold on' she does, and then listens to the rest.
"I did say Xenia," she agrees first. That much she can give hope for. But that name... Her mother's, is it?
'That' person...
"But unfortunately it doesn't seem possible to me. Xenia was here, but she died some two decades ago, and we have no record of any offspring. She also claimed to have no living relatives, and as far as we could tell, that was true. ...She was here for much of her life after she came to us, tethered to machines that would process the Ether flooding through her and help her body to remain together. She spent time in this very facility."
"...She was well loved by the people; despite her affliction she was a very warm person."
Zephyr looks thoughtful, then. "You say that the name made you think it was your mother's, though--do you have any idea why you feel that way? Do you have any memory of your parents, your background?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
As one might expect, the disappointment is clear in Xantia's expression when the hope that she's learning about her mother here is dashed. But she looks downright gutted when told about this Xenia's fate. Suddenly it feels like her own hopes pale in comparison to the hopes Xenia must have had, hopes that she will never get the chance to realize. In that moment, it doesn't even matter whether or not she has anything to do with this person. All she has to do is think about how she would've felt in that situation. It takes a moment before she can put her thoughts into words. When she finally does, it is in but a single sentence.
"...Xenia... sounds like she was a stronger person than I am."
This does beg the question... if she isn't related, how is it that there was a person who looked just like her here? And with that name, that seems so familiar? A name that seems to have been stolen by yet another... She can feel the familiar feeling of vexation returning. Every time she learns something, it seems to prompt more questions than answers.
However, an actual question is asked of her then, snapping her out of those thoughts. "...ah, well. Not exactly. What I remember is just... bits and pieces. Mostly little details, that don't seem to connect to each other. I saw the name Xenia engraved on a ring. I 'know', somehow, that it was my father wearing that ring. So, I just sort of assumed... no, I felt sure that it meant 'Xenia' is 'Mother'."
She directs her gaze upward, thinking back to previous memory fragments. "As for 'Father'... I have no idea. I've remembered some things he said to me, at some unknown time. But I couldn't even describe his voice to you. I hear the words, and I feel certain it's Father speaking, but the voice itself is..." She shakes her head. Like she said, she can't describe it.
Looking back to Zephyr, she shrugs helplessly, with a saddened expression. "I've been to so many places, but nobody seems to know me. I was really hoping that if I came here, I could find out where I came from. Maybe it would turn out to actually be Shevat... or at least I'd find out that I'd been here before. But, from the sound of things... that doesn't seem to be the case, does it?"
<Pose Tracker> Zephyr has posed.
Zephyr has seen disappointment. She sees it again, and it's unfortunate... but it is as it is. She feels some of the same for this person; what she might have wanted, what she might have seen. But there is no answer to that much now. A stronger person...?
"She was very strong," Zephyr agrees, though she does not comment on Xantia's strength in turn; obviously she isn't discounting it, considering that she's here, but... Well.
"Xenia... engraved on a ring." This makes sense to her. Her father wearing it. Could it be, then? No...
"I see," Zephyr answers. "Yes, this quest of yours must take a terrible toll. I think..."
She deliberates. It's a very royal sort of deliberation; she clearly has something on her mind, as she does, and is willing to let that be known. "I am now confident that you are not from Shevat, and that you have not been here before."
"Beyond that... I cannot say more."
"I need to think, if there is another way that I can help you. I ask your forgiveness and patience that I do not know of a way now that would help."
To involve her...
She debates, and then, "An impossible birth; an unknown past. I do not believe that the ring you remember is coincidence, at least. But what it means..." She shakes her head.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia doesn't really understand the concept of royal deliberation, but it's clear enough to her that when someone says 'I think', there's something more coming. She tilts her head slightly as she waits for the follow-up to that thought. And when it comes...
Well, obviously it's not what she was hoping to hear, but at this point, it's just confirmation of her suspicions. She can take that much with just a simple nod. "Well... at least I'm sure of that much. Even if you don't learn the truth, there's value in eliminating falsehoods." She pauses. "According to a book I read, anyway. I'm really not sure what truths are still left, but... I guess there's still places I haven't looked."
All things considered, her mind now drifts towards Solaris... but another part of her mind pushes back against it. There's few things she can be sure of with her memories in a fragmented state, but even so... there's no way that she was ever involved with Solaris. She feels certain of that, even if she couldn't say the reason for it.
Queen Zephyr calls it 'an impossible birth'. That terminology makes her uncomfortable. And yet... it's not something she hasn't considered before, in some form. She finds herself smiling wryly. "...Heh. I've wondered about that. Whether I'm... someone who shouldn't exist." She can't keep up the smile upon saying it out loud. That's not an amusing thought. It's a terrifying one. When the question becomes not who she is, but what she is...
Quite suddenly, she shifts topics. To get her mind out of that frightening corner, for one thing, but also... she wants to see how Zephyr reacts to hearing about another matter that almost certainly has to be related in some way.
"...There is another person who goes by Xenia. She also looks just like me. Well, a little bit different, but her face is the same. She has the ring that I saw in my memory. She says that she's my sister." Though she doesn't say it flat out, by the tone it's obvious that Xantia is skeptical. She considers whether to say more, but decides not to, at least not right away.
<Pose Tracker> Zephyr has posed.
"Yes, that's true. Even what you know is untrue can help you find the truth." Places! There are other places. Zephyr most certainly does not suggest looking in Solaris, for so many reasons that they hardly need to be named. But Xantia's discomfort is clear after a moment, and--
"What you do with your existence is as important, I think, as whether you 'should' have it or not."
That's all she says though; she's willing to change the subject from there because she doesn't really want to go into that possibility right now anyway. So Xantia gets to see a reaction:
Zephyr frowns.
She frowns, when Xantia mentions someone going by Xenia, someone looking almost like her, and having the ring, being her sister--all of it. Xantia is skeptical, but Zephyr seems to take it quite seriously. "To think..." She shakes her head. "In that case there is something I must tell you. There was an incident, some twenty years ago. Someone took much of our research for himself, and left with a group of others; their grievances were real, though I elide them for now because you are not interested in the politics of it. Some of the things that they took included the files on Xenia's medical history."
"If you are somehow related in this matter, I must stress that it could be extremely dangerous for you to pursue this other Xenia--to yourself, and to others. I know that that will not stop you... But please do so carefully."
"There are matters involved that are... our responsibility to fix, and not yours, and so I will ask nothing of you related to this except your care." She folds her hands, then, and looks expectantly.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia only looks down for a moment when told what you do with your existence is what really matters. Not the first time somebody has said that to her either. She understands the point, but... she's never felt good about being somehow fundamentally different from most people. It feels like the more she tries to fit in, the more obvious it becomes that she never completely will. Anything that reinforces that line of thinking isn't easy for her to come to terms with.
She doesn't actually say any of that, but Xantia's emotions are an easy read. It's clear that she feels uncomfortable and would rather not talk about it. And so she changes the subject, back to Xenia. Or rather, a different Xenia, but all things considered, impossible to be completely unrelated. The initial reaction is enough to lead her to believe that, as she suspected, this is news to Queen Zephyr. The words that follow, however...
Xantia's eyes slowly go wider as she's informed about this problematic group that stole information related to Xenia. Her mind is racing to try and connect this to everything she already knows and come to a definitive conclusion. An effort that only succeeds at giving her a headache, prompting her to rub her forehead. What is going on...?
"I... hang on." After that little false start, Xantia takes a couple of deep breaths, and places a hand on her chin. "So... actually, this other Xenia only showed up not long before we were able to enter the tower to try to contact Shevat. She said she wanted to take me somewhere, but in the end, it felt more like what she really wanted was for me to stop looking for my memories. So I'd been thinking that meant that she didn't want me to go here, which meant that there was something for me to find here."
She frowns, crossing her arms as she looks at the floor. "Seems like I was right... so, is this Xenia the one who has the answers I'm looking for, after all...?"
She was getting so caught up in her thoughts, she almost forgot there was another person in the room. Upon raising her head, she uncrosses her arms, but still looks quite determined. "...You're right. About it being dangerous for me, and that knowing that won't stop me. I appreciate the warning, but I need to know what she knows. She might be the only one who can tell me." Her frown grows deeper with the realization, "And she won't want to tell me."
The exact circumstances surrrounding this feel like they matter little when compared to that conclusion, so Xantia doesn't press further on that. She just tries her best to recompose a little, bowing her head after a moment. "Thank you, for telling me all this. Don't worry about me, I know I can't take Xenia... that Xenia lightly. So... I'll think carefully about what I can do, and I won't do it by myself. My friends... I trust them more than I trust myself. They'll keep me safe, I know they will."
<Pose Tracker> Zephyr has posed.
Important news, no less. As Xantia's mind races, Zephyr sits patiently, waiting for her as she rubs her forehead. Hang on. She takes the time; and this other Xenia's appearance is put into context, and that fits with what she knows, to be certain. "That's quite possible," Zephyr says. "I cannot even begin to speculate on her motivations more than I already have, and that perhaps she has grievances with Shevat herself." Just a guess, really. "If she wants you to stop looking... Then what that means will have to be something you learn in time, for better or for worse."
"I believe she is." Zephyr still responds, about the answers--but there Xantia looks at her again, and Zephyr nods again in turn. "Just be careful; that is all I ask. The danger could go beyond yourself... But I cannot in good conscience keep this information I have given from you, either."
Her friends. "I hope that they do," she answers. "I am glad to hear prudence in this matter. If you rely on your friends, and they rely on you in turn... Then there is much that you can accomplish. You can rise beyond this world's dark past into a greater future, I think."
She places hands on her knees, a cue that she is about to stand. "But there are other matters I must attend, now that I have given what aid I can. Good luck, Xantia. ...I could not save Xenia, but I hope that in helping you we can honor her, at least."
She will move to go.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia hadn't considered there might be some kind of grudge against Shevat in play, but... thinking about it, there very well could be. After all, there's still the matter of this vague memory she has of trying to get away from Shevat. But since Shevat didn't seem to actually know about her.... maybe what that memory was really about was having been told to stay away from Shevat. Which may be the same thing that she was being told again now by Xenia, if indirectly. ...That's a lot of maybes though, and she doesn't see how Zephyr could have any more answers related to that, so she keeps that part to herself.
Instead, she nods gravely to Zephyr's words. "...I've been prepared for possible bad news for a long time. All I want is to just be sure. To finally be able to stop wondering and know what the truth actually is. I need to know about it before I can even begin to deal with it."
In spite of everything, she finds her smile again when once again told to be careful. "I really appreciate it, thank you so much. I don't even know if words exist that could describe just how important this is to me. Please, rely on me and my friends to handle this in the same way you're relying on us to help against Solaris. The Black Wolves can do anything as long as we work together. I firmly believe that."
Then Zephyr announces her impending departure, and Xantia is quick to nod her head. "Oh, of course! Sorry if I kept you long! I can't imagine how busy queens are." She pauses. "I don't actually know what queens all need to do. But I'm sure it must be very busy!"
Xantia decides to stay in her room for a while longer to process everything she's learned today. But as Zephyr moves to leave on that final sobering note, she adds one more promise.
"Queen Zephyr... I know I'm not Xenia, and I'm still not completely sure if I'm related to her or not, but... I'll do my best for her, too. And I'll also do my best to make sure nothing happens that would make you sad."