2022-11-18: Was It Necessary?
- Log: Was It Necessary?
- Cast: Leah Sadalbari, Loren Voss
- Where: Damzena Desert
- Date: November 18, 2022
- Summary: After Rachiel's Medry's death, Loren asks for the paperwork.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
Part of the base is well and truly destroyed at this point, and in any case, it's certainly no longer secure. But it still has uses. One of those uses has been for Leah Sadalbari to have her limbs repaired. The Major is now, however, in the base commander's office, having commandeered it again, working on a set of papers concerning reassignment of a number of soldiers. There is a great deal she has to do, yet.
But her single eye is down on the paper, at her desk; there are chairs here. There are the knickknacks of a soldier that is not her, including his expensive alcohol.
The base is quieter, though.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
It had been business as usual, once the dust settled. There had been the injured to see to -- the damage to the base had been significant enough that there had been others hurt. But no one else had...
There hadn't even been paperwork, and that was what had stuck out for him the most. All of that, and there wasn't any paperwork he'd seen or signed. He had seen her fall. There was no surviving that. Were they waiting until the excavation was complete? Or would there never be any paperwork at all?
Was that how the Watcher operated?
There comes a knock on the door to the Commander's office eventually, several days later.
Loren has been keeping to himself since. He has done what was required of him but nothing more: treating the injured, handling that paperwork which did exist. There was talk about what was to come of the base -- whether it should be abandoned and its personnel relocated, or whether repairs would be initiated here. It didn't matter to him, though, whatever happened to this place.
He waits to be let in, and once he enters the office, he does not meet Leah's eyes.
"...Leah," he says after a moment, back to the door, gaze averted. "Where is the paperwork?"
For him, for these circumstances, this is blunt.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
Leah had been damaged, rather than injured. It is perhaps an academic distinction for most, but not for her. And the paperwork...
There is a lot of it. The Commander's office door ns at the knock, as automatic doors tend to when directed. Leah looks up at him as he steps forward. The base's fate remains to be seen. However...
She notices that he isn't meeting her eyes. And then she closes the door behind him, setting down her pen and folding her hands.
"And what will you do?" the Watcher asks. "When I tell you where it is?"
She lets that hang on the air for a long moment.
"What is it that you realy wish to know, Loren?"
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
He doesn't answer her at first.
"...Ask you why I haven't seen it," Loren says at last, still not looking at her. "Her family... they deserve to know."
He'd know that feeling best of all. Medry's family... probably, though not definitely, they wouldn't lose status from this -- traitors to Solaris can leave a terrible scar if those above even the First Class are so inclined. It was isolated, though, and no one else had died. And... she...
But certainly the rumors are already spreading. There will be damage, even if they don't lose status.
He doesn't answer her last question immediately, either.
He knows why Medry died. He's not going to ask something as foolish as 'why did you kill her'. She'd-- betrayed them all. That had been her punishment. But, even if he repeats that to himself a hundred times, it doesn't mean that he can simply shrug it all off and let it slide. She had been someone he'd known, someone he'd been annoyed at, and now she was buried under several tons of debris.
"...You should have taken her alive. Was it necessary?"
He can't hold back on it forever, even if he doesn't have the right to say it. This is Leah's role in their society. It would have ended the same for Medry regardless. But even so.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
"Hm."
A question for a question. So he would go so far as to actually make the confrontation happen, in order to gain this information. The Watcher considers this information, and then he mentions her family, and she sees. Yes, it is plain.
The rumors are indeed already spreading.
"Should I?" The Watcher has a dangerous cast to her tone as she regards Loren with her single eye. "Hmmm."
"...You wonder," Leah says, "If it was necessary to kill her. Perhaps if I allowed myself to be influenced by my emotions, when she mentioned Engil?"
Leah leaves that to hang on the air for a moment, too.
"...Once," she says, "You would have been afraid to make that assertion. Perhaps you still are, but you have made it. But why? Out of sentiment? Or for another reason?"
"...You haven't seen it because I am processing it myself," the Watcher says after a moment. "I will be departing to see her family tonight."
"Everything that happened that day was necessary."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Once, Loren would have turned his face from all of this much in the matter that he now averts his gaze from Leah. It's easier to not look, to pretend not to see. It's how he's survived until now.
But the rumors are already spreading, and there are some things he cannot ignore easily, not anymore.
Even if it's dangerous to say something like that to Leah Sadalbari. Her tone alone speaks of his peril.
Yet, it's here that he lifts his gaze to look at her at last. "...That's..." He frowns, furrowing his brow. She'd been... moved by that? Yes, he knows what she'd told him, about what had become of those who had spoken ill to her of his brother. "...That wasn't her crime. She was a traitor. She... there are rules for handling traitors," Loren argues, knowing in the same moment how poor an argument this is. There are rules, yes, and Leah Sadalbari has the authority to handle threats as she sees fit.
He doesn't answer her other question at first -- why he had even made that assertion in the first place. To be honest, he's not really...
"We weren't friends," is what he leads with, regarding Medry. "...So I don't know why." He's silent once again, his gaze retreating from Leah to some distant point in the office. Maybe, it was because...
"...It wasn't right," he finishes that thought aloud.
She says that the reason he hasn't seen it is because she's done it herself, and... sure, she probably has that authority. Still, he's clenched his left hand into a fist.
"Then... good." He hopes she's not lying. He hopes she does it right -- doesn't make them suffer. Hopes that they'll get to keep what they have left.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
Leah waits. She waits, as Loren continues to look away, but speaks all the same. And he looks at her, finally, frowns, and argues. Sure, it's not a very good argument, but he makes it. She is impassive as he does, revealing nothing in her expression. And evenually, he eplains 'why' as well...
"Hmm."
"...You've grown," the Watcher decides, leaning back into her chair, folding her hands into a pyramid to regard him again. "It 'wasn't right', you say. Yes, that's accurate. After all she's done for us, for one choice to change it all... It isn't how things 'should' be."
"Which of course is why it isn't," Leah says, and rises, standing up to her full height again and picking something up off of the desk--a pen. She extends it to Loren.
"I was going to sign this form myself. But instead, you will."
The form she extends next:
Medical Release - Transfer: Interior Ministry
It's on a clipboard. She keeps it held out.
"...She passed her test. Will you?"
<Pose Tracker> Lan Lilac has posed.
</poem>
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
He's grown, she says. Has he? He's into his mid-twenties, nearly, but barely feels like he's cleared twenty-one. It's like he's been stuck and not permitted to move on, like he'll keep on circling the drain from here on out.
"It wasn't. You're... there's a procedure for traitors," he repeats, clinging to this point now. "We're not supposed to make it personal--"
Which of course is why it isn't, Leah tells him. That stops him dead in his tracks. What's... that supposed to mean?
And she hands him the clipboard.
The sheet upon it isn't a death certificate. He reads the name on the sheet, and has to read it again.
Wait, but he'd seen-- there had been no way that--
"..." He doesn't do anything at first except numbly take it, his gaze lifting to meet Leah's -- the Watcher's -- sole eye.
It's not a trick, he realizes.
Medry passed her test. What was it?
His own is now.
Drawing out a pen, he once more reviews the sheet, gleaning whatever particulars are even available to him upon it.
And then he signs his name. It's his mark on the paper, his responsibility in part for whatever happens next.
And he hands the paper and clipboard back to Leah.
"And this is secret," he says, not asking a question because of course it is.
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
He has. Leah has seen it. ...The Watcher has seen it. Once, he would not have come here. Now... he has. He is almost ready.
Almost.
Tey are not supposed to make it personal. Bu Leah watches Loren numbly take it, and then look into her eye. Yes, this test is here and now. There are some particulars available to him.
This will release her to a doctor in the Interior Ministry, for treatment for severe injuries including the loss of her arm. It will also release her from her obligations in Gebler. And Loren's name will be upon it--his responsibility. Yes, he understands.
"It is," Leah agrees, looking over the form and placing clipboard and pen back on the desk. "If anyone asks, she is gone. But what I need, Loren..."
She uses his name again.
"I do not need perfect soldiers, who follow regulation without question. I need those who will sacrifice anything for what they believe--who will do what needs to be done to bring about the world to come."
"Only those with true conviction will bring about the advent of 'God'."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
In the end, it's quite a simple thing.
Medry isn't dead. She is gravely wounded, but it would seem from this form that she yet draws breath. But there are complications. There are things that the doctors in Etrenank can do for a wound like hers already, even if they can't put it entirely to rights, but he hasn't missed to whom she is being released.
The Interior Ministry's medical team. She'll be divorced from any connection and responsibilty she had with Gebler. Whatever happens next to her will be out of his hands.
Because he's signing off on this transfer, here and now. And yet, how could he refuse? To what end would he refuse?
This is a secret as he had already guessed. No one may know of her fate, whatever it will be from here on out.
Even if this sort of cooperation from him is not what Leah says she needs. She doesn't need loyalists, not in that sense. What she needs is someone who will sacrifice...
"Everything..."
He's tired of losing what's dear. Yet, Loren knows he doesn't have a choice -- that he's going to have to make a choice.
"Medry lost everything." Did she gain nothing?
He looks up at Leah again, at last. "Bring about the advent of 'God'... is..."
'God'. There's no denying that look in her eye, she means precisely what she says. Bring down 'God'.
"...The world to come. Will that be a better world?"
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
"No," the Watcher answers Loren, and her voice is strong. "She didn't."
"...Her family will be maintained in comfort. The rumors about Rachiel's demise will never quite actually cause their fortunes to suffer. I will attend to them personally."
"...The advent of 'God'," the Watcher repeats, and looks into Loren's eyes with her own single blue.
Leah will know of her fate. And perhaps so will Loren... one day.
"It will be a better world," the Watcher answers. "It will be a healed world."
"And all will be put right."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
She didn't lose everything. Her family will survive her. They will be comfortable. The rumors will never lead to anything actionable.
When Leah promises such things, it almost seems like he can believe that's how it will be.
If only he could believe it would be the same for him, when the choice comes. Except he can't protect everything that matters -- choosing one thing means damning the other, and he's not sure he could bear it it however it falls.
What sort of world is this, in which such things... where even someone like Medry is...
And Leah herself. He can't let himself forget that for a moment, but Leah herself.
"Everything... huh," Loren says, no small amount of consternation coloring his expression. It's not that he doubts her, not that he has reason to doubt her. It's simply that it's a lot -- accepting that a better world is possible, or that it's even in reach. That he just has to want it badly enough, to be willing to lose everything to make it happen.
"...Even for the surface-dwellers?"
<Pose Tracker> Leah Sadalbari has posed.
Almost. Leah, however, does not seem to 'almost' believe it. She seems utterly certain, almost serene in her understanding of her goals, of what is to come. Perhaps it is different for her. Maybe it's because that which she would protect most fiercely is a memory. ...Or is it? Is that memory what she would protect the most?
"Yes," Leah and the Watcher both answer, for in this, they are one and the same. "The distinction between classes will cease to be. The surfacers, too, will share in the new order."
This is heresy of the highest order, of course. The idea that the surfacers and Solarians could 'share' in anything...
"For that distinction is one of the proofs of this fallen world."
Leah moves back to her desk. "...That will be all."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
If he looks shocked, it's because what she's saying is heresy, plain and simple. None among Solaris' elite -- or even the Second Class -- would ever admit to such a thing, on pain of death. The elect are simply better, as evidenced by their position in Solaris' society, and even the lowliest of Solaris is blessed. The surface-born, after all, are those whose ancestors destroyed the world below.
Or, so it is said.
The truth, Loren has gathered by now, is rather more complicated. Yes, those from below do terrible things and often invite their own destruction. They can't leave the past alone. They don't know when to stop.
But so do those of Solaris.
Even he is coming to fully comprehend these facts.
"...I see," he tells her, wanting and fearing that better world. Is it too much to imagine a world where he could...
Except even merely arriving there will require he be willing to give up everything. And ultimately, Loren's not certain he has it in him -- no matter the potential future he could gain. After all, that would mean sacrificing all the fragile things he has now... wouldn't it?
'That will be all', Leah says, and just like that the spell is broken. "...Of course, Major. I will take my leave."
It's just as well. He has a lot to think about.