2023-01-05: Can't Vaporize a Cake and Eat It, Too
- Log: Can't Vaporize a Cake and Eat It, Too
- Cast: Azoth, Fei Fong Wong
- Where: Port Rosalia
- Date: January 05, 2023
- Summary: Azoth takes steps to complete a seemingly impossible task. Poor Fei stumbles upon the resulting chaos.
<Azoth has posed.>
SOMETIME BEFORE...
The kitchen counter is littered with baked goods, Azoth standing vigil over all of them with no emotion on display, and too many of them buzzing under the surface.
Turning off his calculations! She might as well tell someone to turn off their thoughts! ... Nevermind, Azoth can hear Xantia saying something like that. Xantia is occasionally a riddle onto reality. Creating options where there aren't any. Inventing choices where they weren't given. If it seems like it can't be done, it's because there is another angle to this Azoth has yet to perceive. He could randomize outputs, but that itself would be a calculated process. What 'feels right', she said...
Numbers. Numbers feel right!
I'm not numbers.
...
Azoth steps up to the counter, eyes flaring with light.
NOW...
Chaos erupts in one of Port Rosalia's kitchens, and an inn owner is either running a clever attempt at insurance fraud by repeatedly renting it out to this questionable individual, or has been desensitized beyond all measure because no one seems to be doing anything about the bursts of light from the window and worrying tremors.
Inside, an almost cake -- more of a batter ball -- sails through the air and explodes, vaporized as its skewered on energy beams. Azoth blinks once at the nothing the cake has become, dusted in flour and decorated in too-thin slices of apple. A whole, raw one sits on his head.
"Wait! Wait, I think I've got it this time!"
He rushes back to his ingredients and begins shredding the skin off of apples with summoned energy blades and grabbing fistfuls of flour instead of using normal measuring implements. Well, he probably knows exactly how much his own handfuls are, at least...?
The apple on Azoth's head remains in perfect balance despite his baking fervor.
<Fei Fong Wong has posed.>
Fei Fong Wong is not usually hanging around in places like this. Nevertheless, he does travel around a fair bit and is hoping to find a new fishing spot for Elly here in Port Rosalia but first things first--checking into an inn. ARguably the easiest part! How often do you fail to check into an inn? Not that often, most likely! From there, Fei intends to grab a lunch, maybe have a drink (just one and hope Lily doesn't catch him) and maybe get out a little later to go looking. He isn't expecting any trouble, comical or serious because he has kept his visit on the downlow.
Fei steps into the inn, opening the door just as a ball of batter explodes.
He steps in and, after a half second of confusion, he blinks--looking up in concern and--
SPLOTCH!!
A big fat glob of batter slaps right into his face even as the rest evaporates due to intense energy blasts.
The slab of batter drips down from FEi's face and he looks right at Azoth.
He looks up at the apple.
He looks back to Azoth.
"...Did I come at a bad time? I can..."
He fumbles for the doorknob blindly. "Um."
<Azoth has posed.>
There is no doorknob on this side of the door, Fei. It's gone. Vaporized.
He's trapped.
(...Or he could push through anyway.)
Azoth has the good sense to stop what he's doing and grin back at Fei in nervous guilt with an apologetic string of beeps. Both Emeralda and Xantia consider this man to be their family, and when Lydia told him to find Elly, another person with a close connection... That makes Fei someone Azoth would preferred not to have inadvertantly assaulted with cake batter.
"Sorry! Sorry, really. I got... excited?"
He got violent is what he did! Violence against cakes not yet to be! But is that not what 'feels right' when one is designed for combat?
Azoth points vaguely into the general area of the kitchen. "Did you need something? Um. A towel, maybe?"
Whose fault is that!
<Fei Fong Wong has posed.>
Fei feels around for the doorknob. He doesn't find it. He turns to look and sees some smoke drifting out from where the doorknob once stood. Somehow, this Azoth who has given him the creeps a fair bit--weirdly enough, his strange and unreal method of baking has a bit of a soothing effect. Not entirely! But the presence of antics does make him seem a little less off to him because Fei lives a life where antics are basically always going on.
He wipes at his face off a bit so he can see clearly. "Oh uh. No. That's okay. ACtually. Yes. A towel... Would be great. I think. Um. If that isn't too much trouble. Yeah."
He knows this person is Xantia's friend but otherwise doesn't really know what he's been up to. Being Xantia's friend is important though! Xantia needs budies. Even if Xantia seems like she can be buddies with just about anyone. "Seems like you're uh. Having fun? I uh. Actually."
He kinda looks like he wants to sink into the floor. "You want...help? I'm not sure what you're trying to do. IS this kitchen an enemy of yours or..."
<Azoth has posed.>
With a cheerful beeping, Azoth darts away from his work to get a clean towel (this necessitates a cabinet) and pops right back to Fei, offering it forward with a cheerful string of beeps. The apple remains, eternal.
"Here you go!"
Once it's taken, he's back to baking crimes, cracking an egg on the side of his metal skull. He pauses to look back at Fei as the yolk slowly glorps out of the broken shell into the bowl. "Huh? Oh! No, we're friends now." He glances upward, as if to regard the kitchen as a whole. "Or, well, that's what I'm trying. See, I have no sense of taste, so I'm bad at cooking. Gami said I could try baking, because it's more precise, like science, but then Xantia said not to be so calculated about it after eating one of my cakes..."
He looks back down to the mess. "So I'm trying to run her experiment. Turning off those calculations and doing what feels right. But, well, you know." He points at himself and pointedly beeps digitally.
Azoth's smile then turns nervous. "...Although, it's no good if I never end up making her something she can actually eat."
His expression brightens up. "Oh! You wouldn't happen to know her favorite flavor of cake, would you? Maybe that would help..."
<Fei Fong Wong has posed.>
Fei says, "Ohh. Oh you're friends now. Okay." The tone suggests that he maybe understands 2/3rds of what is being said there. The thing that is actually confusing him the most is the addition of the word 'now' there. Was Azoth enemies with the kitchen before now or was he just kind of ambivalent on kitchens until some kind of new understanding led him to become a friend of kitchens. Maybe it's kind of like his completely reasonable fascination (obsession) with Rock Paper Scissors.
Fei can't really hide his perturbed expression but he does relax some.
"So uh." Fei says. "One friend of yours told you to get into baking because you could be precise about it. And... another friend told you to not be so precise...about it. And this is you trying to follow through on Xantia's advice?"
Xantia is actually a pretty good chef by Fei's estimation (the secret ingredient...is love and friendship) but he has never seen Xantia in the process of baking. Is this how she goes about it? Something like this?
"I don't want to, er, well actually--" He rubs at his neck awkwardly. He feels like his own anxieties are making Azoth anxious and the last thing he wants is an anxious Azoth.
"Well, I don't want to tell you how to bake." Fei pushes onward. "But it might be, um, possible that er. That you might be trying to stick to one extreme over the other and the truth might be...somewhere balanced between doing things thoughtlessly and, say, strictly following a recipe."
He makes his way over. "I mean, er, not that there's anything wrong with experimenting but perhaps...start with one or two flourishes to the recipe? And build your way up to, um... more changes."
He rubs at his neck. "Instead of, er--well, I don't want to try and impose or anything um..."
He sighs and lets his arm drop. "Listen um, we haven't really...hung out much? But I wanted to, um, apologize for the way the other me... I mean, he has good intentions with Xantia I think but..."
He lets his hand drop. "OH uh, maybe I should...have started with mentioning that there's another me in the first place? You probably, um, don't really get that but..."
He has no idea of Azoth's own alternate mode here.
He's asked what Xantia's favorite flavor of cake is. Fei opens his mouth. He closes it. He frowns thoughtfully. And then, resigned...
"Her favorite flavor of cake is ... um... I'm pretty sure it's Cake."
His expression is that of a defeated young man.
<Azoth has posed.>
Fei is one of those people who Azoth has sensed discomfort in. Something about Azoth unsettles him. And everything in Azoth's programming is firing off on all the ways Azoth should poke, prod, and provoke those reactions for new data. Everything, except, of course, all that other data on how important Fei is various people Azoth has a vested interest in! So Azoth must be good.
Agony.
But not too much agony. Fei is a decent person who does not deserve to be toyed with like a mouse in the claws of a well fed cat.
"That's about the size of it!" Azoth chirps. "But the whole goal was to make food for Xantia in the first place, so her input is of increased priority."
So goes Azoth logic. But as Fei explains, in his own hesitant way, Azoth folds his arm, flour coated hand to his chin and brow furrowed in the performance of Deep Thought. It seems best not to interrupt while Fei is hesitant, so Azoth mostly nods along, brow furrowing deeper and deeper.
"Balance..." He murmurs, to show he's listening. Yes. Maybe less flourishes would involve... less vaporizing. This, too, is logical. But Fei deflates, and Azoth straightens up, brows normalizing with another blink.
He smiles faintly. "Now I'm not sure... Do I tell you that you don't need to apologize because that was someone else, or do I accept your apology because it still felt like 'you'?" He shakes his head. "Either way... I don't really know what your, ah, situation is, but... like you said. As far as Xantia is concerned, the intentions were good. And... I neglected Xenia myself. So maybe I should be saying 'thank you.'"
But Xantia's favorite flavor of cake is Cake.
Azoth's face falls. He is overcome with Distress, fingers at his lips. "Wait, cake is its own flavor? I had no idea..." He beeps in distress. "What even IS taste?!"
<Fei Fong Wong has posed.>
It still felt like him. IT can't be, right? Fei can't be that guy. Even if sometimes he has someting in common with him, he wouldn't go after his friends in a gear. He doesn't even...
"No no! I mean, uh, you know. Xantia is kind of an omnivore when it comes to food. I can't think of a food that she doesn't like. I mean, she might have preferences but uh--she usually seems about as happy eating a ration bar as much as a candy bar. If you want something simple but tasty...Maybe a vanilla pound cake?" Fei suggests. "Then using that as a base maybe you could add some extra toppings, experiment there..."
Fei's uneasiness never seems to drop below a certain point. Anxiety might be a kind of base experience for him--maybe not something that's always going on in his life but always ready to pounce. He certainly is surprised that Azoth is saying maybe he should say thank you to Fei.
It's strange to get told that even if it's not unwelcome. "...Xantia's really important to me." He admits. "I don't want her to hurt someone like Xenia because even if they're in conflict now, one day maybe she'll need someone like Xenia who has been hurt by the same people."
He hesitates and then w aves his hands in front of his face. "Not uh. Not that I mean, you know, I think you were wrong or anything. I didn't know what to do honestly, that's why Id took over I'm guessing after he sensed my weakness--I'm glad Xantia has someone who'll ride for her hard too. She's pretty good at making friends but it seems like she really likes you."
He approaches and adds, "My story's...pretty dark. I don't mind sharing it with you. Um. I don't--"
He approaches, ultimately leaning against a counter. "...Like Xantia, I've got a lot of missing time. A couple years back during the fall of the Photosphere--I found out why. There's some kind of...alterego in me--you met him, Id. And he sometimes can just take over our body. And he can let me remember what he wants me to remember or keep me from remembering anythign. Up to a point anyway."
He rubs at his neck again. "Anyway, uh, before I found out about him I lived in a village called Lahan. I don't know if you know anything abuot it..."
What even IS taste? Fei tries to figure out how to explain it to someone who doesn't have tatse.
"Well, um, I know it involves smell too. Then you have a tongue and...chemical stuff happens on the tongue and...taste comes from that? MAybe in the throat too?"
<Azoth has posed.>
Azoth lights back up with Fei's clarification, all smiles again. "Oh! That is a relief! I think!" This whole 'food' concept remains a huge mystery. The only thing he does know about it is Xantia seems to like it. A lot. Possibly above a normal amount. He does not know what a normal amount is. "Hm. Pound cake. And toppings. Toppings... with feeling..."
He squints, beeping softly before cutting himself off with a distorted sound. "No calculating!"
Is Azoth's enthusiasm here making Fei more uncomfortable, or less? Messing with someone is easy. Trying to put them at ease is more difficult, Azoth's learned. The consequences of failure are also high. It's a problem! Azoth hasn't quite learned that trying to account for Constant Anxiety could be an unreasonable goal.
For now, Azoth does the honest thing and smiles faintly at Fei. "I'm glad she has people who look after her. And I think I can see why she has so much faith in you." Or in Id. And in Id? Azoth's still not clear on the nature of this 'other self'... He considers his own to be largely cosmetic differences, both in physical appearance and mannerisms. The overrides are never gone.
"I think you're right. Xantia may need Xenia... even if they don't exactly get along." Azoth smiles with a wince. "Or even if Xenia and I don't exactly get along."
Fei mentions Xantia seems to like him and Azoth beeps happily. "Oh, good, I like her too!" No coyness! Be upfront! That's reassuring, right? He dials down the cheer. "...She's also important to me. So I don't think you and I are in at odds here."
In the end, Xantia needed both of those extremes covered.
A dark story is promised, and Azoth leans with Fei to listen -- quietly, again, to give Fei the time and space he needs to tell it. His eyes are attentive, expression softer for the heaviness of it.
Until... taste. Azoth slumps. "My throat is a space for my voice synthsizer and my tongue is fake." He opens his mouth, still speaking with perfect pronounciation despite it not moving. "It barely moves, see?" Lift, stick out, wiggle around. An up close view reveals it isn't quite as animated as it should be.
But Azoth soon returns to using his mouth properly. "Another amnesiac, huh? That's how Xantia and I became friends." Was it the same with Fei? "...Sounds pretty complicated. And he just took over there? He must have been pretty worried. And you, too."
Azoth tilts his head. "Lahan? No, I don't think I've heard much about it."
<Fei Fong Wong has posed.>
"I could see cooking being tough if you can't taste..." Fei frowns. "Though I suppose... You could always have someone else taste test for you. Like Xantia's already done."
Azoth seems to understand that Xantia and Xenia might need each other even if it's difficult in a few ways. It's weird, having someone agree with a choice of hers he feels so uneasy about. Did he... do something that was right?
It's a weird feeling for someone who is prone to messing up. The last time he felt like he did the right thing was when he punched K.K in the snout and he hasn't seen K.K since so maybe ... it actually worked and they're gone for good! Fei doesn't like making things gone for good but if they're dooming the planet, well, he lives on the planet.
"Cool, cool. I worry about her a lot. I, er, probably worry a lot in general actually, haha..."
He lets his hand drop. "Well, sort of. More or less. Effectively. Except, uh, I guess--it's more that I never had those memories to begin with because before I existed, Id existed. I'm sort of the uh. Identity? Controlling him."
He winces but he nods. "Well, Lahan was where I stayed for about three years. I was dropped off there by a guy who knew my father after they rescued me from a guy named Grahf--a real dangerous guy, if you run into him you don't wanna mess with him." He coughs into his fist. "Anyway, three years in, a bunch of gears showed up in Lahan and started fighting each other. I got in one during the fighting to try and help and..."
He exhales slowly. "One of my old friends, I saw him got killed and I sort of... We sort of. Id... I don't know."
He shakes his head. "We..."
"We unleashed the Gear's power and...destroyed the town."
He looks down at his hands. "...And before that, uh. Id... He destroyed Elru too."
He takes in a long breath and lets it out. "Anyway, I bring it up because..."
Because he feels like he's talking to Weltall when he's talking to Azoth.
"Because when I was alone and kind of...trying to find what to do with myself besides throw myself into a ravine... I ran into Xantia. And ... Well, she's really the first friend I made since losing my home. The first person who seems to really be cool with all of me. Even the parts of me I'm not really cool with, you know?"
He smiles. "I'd probably have given up ages ago if not for her. And I know, um, it seems like she's been having a rough time lately. Feeling like she can't help as much as she'd like. And that's life, far as I'm concerned. And well, even if I've gotta pay for the mistakes I've made some day'n'the people I've hurt, if anyone deserves a happy ending it's her."
<Azoth has posed.>
Azoth puffs his cheeks. "I want it to be good before Xantia eats it. I could always test it on someone else, but that seems mean when it's not a recipe that's already gone through quality control. But I guess what she's really looking for is for me to produce something... my own. Not an imitation. Or a mimicry."
His eyes are dimmer as he says it. Maybe allowing a moment of honest vulnerability will make Fei feel less awkward? (Azoth, no one can tell when you're honest or dishonest.)
It's honest, too, that Azoth thinks what Fei did was important. Azoth may have no regret for his actions, and he would do it again, if the scenario replayed, but that doesn't make Fei or Id's interference less valuable.
"I do get that impression from you," Azoth agrees on worry, a smidge of a teasing lilt to his tone. Be nice, Azoth!
More information on Id turns Azoth's eyes blank. "Doesn't that make... you the alterego?" Hey whoa wait he should not have asked that, should he? Isn't that one of those questions you don't ask people? This has never come up before. "Not to say that makes you less deserving of existing or anything! You will find I have strong opinions on that. I'm a surprise existence myself."
But this story gets darker. Azoth had a feeling it might, largely because he had not heard much about Lahan. There's no reason to learn about a town that no longer exists. Azoth frowns. Grahf, a gear battle, death, Id.
More death.
Azoth stays quiet, only softness in his gaze as he lets Fei continue. No accusation. No pity. Then he gives a weak smile.
"Then if you ask me, it's a very good thing she found you before you found a ravine." Azoth and Xantia are often of the same opinion on things. It's why they get along. But perhaps the nature of acceptance of the destructive whole is knowing that with a missing past and absurd strength without explanation... there really only are a few statistically likely options.
They were all weaponized, inevitably.
"Well, now, we really are on the same page about her." Azoth smiles more fondly, gaze dipped to the ground. "She has a way of making even the impossible become logical, doesn't she? But you're right. It's been hard for her lately..."
Azoth gestures to the kitchen. "That's what all this is about. And even then, she's turning it into how the whole experiment could benefit me." He pouts back at Fei. "But being helpful to other people up is what cheers her up, so you get why I'm kind of trapped here!"
<Fei Fong Wong has posed.>
Fei says, "Well, hm-- I also...have a big appetite? So I could taste test for you, if you want? And I'll be honest about it. It can be our secret too, since I'm not exactly doin' the work here, but it sounds like I could lend a hand." Pause. "Or a tongue." Something of his own. Not an imitation. It's true, isn't it? Even when Azoth wants to help Xantia, Xantia is turning it into a way to help Azoth.
That's so like her.
"She's a helper," Fei admits haplessly. "She needs to help."
Fei is a bit similar in nature to this actually, but Lahan was a pretty strong disincentive towards his 'Helper' nature. As a result he's been way more cautious about it but the drive to help others is still within him.
"Xantia is the type of person who can't look away from others when they're in trouble." Fei says, and it sounds like he's repeating something someone said about him. He hopes that can remain a blessing for Xantia. For Fei, sometimes it feels like a curse.
"Er..." Fei rubs at his neck again. "...Yeah. I guess... In a way... I'm the alterego. I guess. I don't entirely understand it so it might not be exactly like that but---that's what it sounds like."
He cracks a smile at Azoth. "I had a feelin'." He had...a feeling? But he doesn't explain it. Nor does he press it beyond that little quip.
He hopes it's a good thing Xantia found him first. But he'll never really know. Not while he still has the fight against Solaris to fight. And even then...Could that really wash the blood free, even if he puts a stop to Solaris's crimes?
"Yeah. But it's easy for us to see how incredible she is, but it's always tougher to see your own self worth.
He smiles and says, "So yeah! I'll help out with the cooking. I've eaten food she's prepared before and... my tongue works. Then when you finally bring it to her--it should still be something that's you but also, er..."
He looks around a bit. "Not blowing up the inn?"
<Azoth has posed.>
"I suppose that's not cheating..." Azoth muses as he considers Fei's assistance. A functional tongue would be useful...
But Azoth frowns. "Sometimes I wish she didn't feel like she had to. But... Some of that may be beyond her control." Whose to say what lies in wait within her memories? "That she has such dedicated friends taking care of her is a pretty big relief!"
Azoth does not count himself among the reliable number. Some things are beyond his control.
Now it is Azoth who is off guard, shocked into a slump. "Is it that obvious...?" Quip that it is, Azoth isn't looking for a real answer. Sometimes Azoth uses the word 'feel', but isn't sure he uses it correctly. Human intuition appears a different creature than Azoth's calculations.
"You know, it's funny, she was talking about the same thing. How people say she's selfless, but she can't quite see it." Azoth smiles. "You two seem a lot alike, by the way." Totally unrelated. A complete segue. Cough cough. (Azoth can't cough.)
But it seems decided. Azoth beams at Fei. "All right! If you want to help, I'd be glad to have it!" It is, after all, for the sake of a mutual friend. "And don't worry! My first priority is always making sure any potential foodborne pathogens are destroyed!"
This... may actually be part of the problem.
<Fei Fong Wong has posed.>
This plan isn't with risk. Fei might have to taste some...
Strange
Concoctions. Hopefully Azoth doesn't accidentally make poison though luckily Fei does have Antidotes with him if it comes to that. At the very least, Fei's stomach is a pretty tough customer (Fei's had to eat monster meat and it'll be tough to make a cake that is ... as interesting ... as hob steak.
He hopes. HE really hopes.
"Yeah... I feel you there. But if she didn't feel that way, well, she wouldn't be Xantia." He smiles. "I'm sure she'll find a way to moderate eventually. But until then, well, she's got her friends. She's got you."
"And...sure, she doesn't have us all the time. But she has a lot of friends. So I think she'll be okay." He frowns. "...I hope. Aggh...So close...Haha...ha..."
He laughs awkwardly. "Sorry, I just...you know, definitive things. Not so easy for me." He blinks a few times as Azoth mentions that they seem similar. He rubs at his neck again. "Well--yeah, honestly. We always seemed pretty similar. Even before we knew each other too long."
He gives him a thumbsup. "One step at a time I guess! Tasting food! And...hopefully the rest'll fall into place!"
<Azoth has posed.>
Fei is offering to taste test for a robot with no concept of taste, smell that is not linked to pleasure or disgust, and a potentially corrupted dataset.
Good luck Fei.
She's got you.
Azoth pauses, uncertain. He draws a line in the flour coating the counter. "... Yeah."
For now. He looks to the flour on his fingers. They're not supposed to be fingers. It's all... a fabrication.
He smiles more wryly at Fei with his hesitant on definitive things. "Okay, now you sound like me. But if anyone can be okay, it's Xantia. She's happy, even now. I... want to protect that. And make it easier. Especially after she made things easier for us."
Azoth rolls up his sleeves -- which were already always rolled up to his elbows anyway -- and then claps his hands. Flour puffs out everywhere. "Right! One step! Step one! Let's do this!" He seizes fistfuls of ingredients, overclocked lines of light flowing through his chassis.
"We'll start with pound cake! Let's see... how many pounds is enough..."
It'll be fine.
Probably.