2023-05-21: Promise We'll Still Be Friends
- Log: Promise We'll Still Be Friends
- Cast: Xantia, Azoth
- Where: Port Rosalia - Seabreeze Avenue
- Date: May 21, 2023
- Summary: Xantia and Azoth reunite, having parted ways to deal with two different major crises to Lunar and Filgaia. After catching each other up on what happened, Azoth fulfills the all-important Cake Promise, and requests a new promise be made...
====================<* Port Rosalia - Seabreeze Avenue *>===================== Seabreeze Avenue was once home to all the comforts a wealthy port town had to offer. Now all that remains are a handful of hardy stragglers. The Seabreeze Port is the most famous and resilient of these--located in a large and mostly-undamaged stone building, it offers food, drink, and accommodations to sailors, travelers. While it's known to attract rough clientele from time to time, it's one of the few places in town to get a decent meal, and its prices are eminently reasonable. Seabreeze's other businesses include general stores, salvage shops, and a handful of company stores run by the Wei Trading Consortium. Outside of this little bubble of industry, though, Seabreeze is largely abandoned. The town just doesn't have the population to support a large economy, and tension between Wei and the locals isn't helping matters. BGM: Wild Arms 4 - Port Irington
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
'Should we have made more concrete meeting plans?'
That's a thought that most people would probably have after realizing that's something they failed to do the last time they saw somebody, before being apart for an extended period of time. Xantia didn't, of course. There's only one spot that makes sense. As for the time... 'when it's all over' is all that anybody could predict in advance. So, that would be the time, clearly. What more does anyone need for a meeting to all but guaranteed?
If Azoth was thinking similarly, then he would know where to be once rumors of Sin's demise started spreading to Filgaia. And if that wasn't enough, perhaps some information filed through specifically about the Black Wolves's return. That would make it even more obvious that Xantia had to be back. It should be easy to predict that she would seek to be back in Port Rosalia at the earliest convenience.
And yet. This hadn't happened at the expected time. Azoth may have been waiting to no avail quite a few times, given that even the most pessimistic calculations would have had her showing up by now. It's been weeks since the most optimistic date passed. Xantia wouldn't just forget -- well, nothing recent, not unless... something went terribly wrong.
Though there was time for worry, thankfully this period of time isn't too long. Uncharacteristicly, the first sign of life from her comes via Memory Cube, something she fails to use as much as she should given its convenience, but, well... this is an emergency, in her estimation.
"Sorry I'm so late! There were... circumstances. I'll tell you all about it. Can we meet in the usual place? I'll be waiting. -- Xantia"
That was really the extent of the emergency, 'being late'. She knew Azoth would have been waiting, so she had to say something this way rather than just suddenly showing up acting as if everything is fine. Of course there was some kind of problem, he'll know, best to be upfront about that. But at least she appears to be alright, and that's what matters, doesn't it?
True to her word, Xantia has been waiting, not quite at the docks this time, but near the harborside. Still very visible, more visible than usual even. Because she felt the need to clamber onto a roof, for some reason. Looking out over town with a hand above her eyes to shield from the sun. Making sure she'll spot a certain someone she's expecting, perhaps? Either way, behavior like that tracks for Xantia. She looks the same as always, and acts the same as always, so... maybe whatever happened wasn't so bad?
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Anyone else might call it a bad habit of theirs: never saying when and where exactly they'll find each other 'when it's all over', regardless of when 'it' is and what constitutes 'over'. But what is there to say to that except that they continue to find each other all the same? Heimdall Gazzo has fallen. Sin has been defeated. That's all Azoth needs to know that now's the time for catching up and keeping promises. And he already knows where to go to do it.
...Or he thinks he does. He lingers around Port Rosalia, keeping an eye out. Some of the times, he's 'singing' his chiptune songs. Others, he's looking at a piece of quartz. Most times, there's a cake box. He verifies it a few more times through the rumors and information channels he can. Sin is dead, right? The Black Wolves did return, right?
Mercifully, a Memory Cube message ends some of Azoth's more concerning examples of predictive analysis. It starts a few others, but there's only one way to solve that, and that's to hear from Xantia herself what's happened.
'Circumstances' is a word of broad possibilities.
The data of finally spotting her up on the rooftop in one piece quiets several of his urgently running calculations. He wastes no time scaling up alongside her with practiced form, even dedicated one of his hands to a box that he unceremoniously sets aside as he greets Xantia with a smile.
"I suppose I should have known better than to starting worrying." His expertly practiced expression dims. He lets it crack to far, far more unguarded worry. "...I don't know better. Are you okay, Xantia?"
Azoth does not look any worse for wear himself, although as a machine there's a lot that can be buffed out. And the marks of regained memories can be insidiously invisible... something he knows can apply to either one of them.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Being on High Azoth Alert herself, Xantia is quick to spot the one she's been on the lookout for when he arrives. Instantly, there's that high level of cheer she's known for, waving with the greatest of enthusiasm. "Azooooth! Heeeey!"
Yep. All very much in line with Xantia's... Xantianess. As is the fact that afterwards, she would seek to immediately jump off the roof, and undoubtedly be just fine since she does that sort of thing all the time. She stops in her tracks, however, when she correctly guesses Azoth's intentions to join her up there. Works for her! Who cares what the locals think about people climbing on their roofs, their fault for making it so easy to get up there!
(it is not so easy to get up there, for most people)
Taking a moment to just observe Azoth's ascent, her eyes are naturally drawn to the element that's out of the ordinary. That box. Is that what she thinks it is...? It serves as enough of a distraction that the reaction isn't immediate when Azoth lands next to her, expressing his worries. She just kind of... looks at him, for a moment, with a complex expression. Has Azoth done the proper calculations to realize what's about to happen? Let's hope they were at least close enough so that the sudden rush only ends in a hug, not a tackle right off the roof.
This isn't really an answer to Azoth's question. This is what Xantia would do whether she's okay or not. But it's all the answer he gets for the first few moments. Whatever the case may be, this hug was one sorely needed, so it takes a bit of time for Xantia to pull back from it. She still looks just as bright and cheerful afterwards. "It's so good to see you! I..." Then she suddenly looks flustered, seeming confused about something. She gives Azoth a curious look, speaking uncertainly.
"I... missed you...?"
Phrased like a question, because she's not sure if that's indeed the cause of the way she feels right now. Just one of many emotional uncertainties, it's more of a guess that this is what it must feel like when you've missed someone. She's not even sure if she's felt this before. But it doesn't take her long to decide that, even if she has, she's never felt quite this sure about what it is she was feeling. An important new realization, which she affirms with her smile returning, and repeating herself, more assertively this time.
"I missed you!"
As meaningful a moment as that was, Xantia realizes the urgency in dispelling Azoth's worries, as best she's able. "I am now," is her initial reassurance to the question whether she's okay. The fading smile is a clear sign that there was more cause for concern not too long ago. "I, um... well, I guess the short version is that I got... sick." There's a brief pause, in which she wonders whether Azoth realized this already, before she simply says it. "I've never gotten sick before. Not like that. So I figured there had to be a reason. And now I know for sure. What happened was like... a failsafe."
Surely Azoth will know why she's phrasing it like that.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Unfortunately for everybody except Xantia, Azoth's early experiences with the surface-world in a body this size involved a considerable amount of rooftop hopping and occasionally travel. That's what happens when one of the first friends you make is an ex-assassin, and also when every sense is calibrated for being several stories taller. Rooftops are comfortable, for as much as Azoth can be said to experience comfort.
Less comfortable is the experience of distress! A bunch of uncertain calculations with too many plausibly devastating conclusions... Xantia's here in front of him now, looking back at him with a face he can't read, for all his experience in trying to read faces at all. The calculations know the pattern, but he's caught hanging in that moment, data not falling one way or the other.
At first, he thinks the incoming hug might answer it. In the same moment Xantia rushes in, he catches her instantly, trying to calculate the strength put into it. He's observed it corresponds to her level of emotional intensity. But the variables and data gets muddled when he's the one tightening his grip, and Azoth doesn't have calibrations for how much of the nuance would be a response to him.
But that cheerful look after has his smile back on, even if it's almost wry at first before borrowing her brightness. Xantia is very Xantia. It's a... comforting consistency. Even the way she stumbles over her own uncertainties.
"I missed you, too," he says once she's worked it out, like nothing about this is the slightest bit weird or in question. They'd agreed to fight separate battles. It didn't mean that was his preference.
That smile snaps off when Xantia finally explains herself. "...Sick?!" This is also a word with broad possibilities! Especially if Xantia's never been sick before. What would it mean, for her immune system to suddenly become compromised--
Azoth goes still, hands still on Xantia's shoulders, making the frightfully unmoving nature of him all the more palpable. His eyes cease blinking, dimming instead before slowly lightening back up with apprehension.
A failsafe.
"...A failsafe against what?"
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
If only simple pleasantries could be the full extent of this reunion. It so rarely is, in Xantia's experience. Always something or other going wrong. As much as she appreciates elements of stability, that's one consistency she could do without.
She would certainly agree that how this ended up playing out was not at all her preference. This is the issue at the core of everything: going against her better judgment. Though she couldn't have imagined what doing so would lead to, the simple thought this leaves her with is...
"...It was my own fault. I should have gone with you. It's..." She shudders, thinking back to how she felt at that moment. "...It's what every fiber of my being was telling me I should do."
She looks Azoth in the eyes, as calmly and easily as she'd look into anyone else's, undisturbed by their nature. Wondering, did he notice? Could he tell at that time, how much effort it took to knowingly disobey the powerful impulse to go with him - to choose to protect Filgaia above all else? It's not that she didn't believe Azoth and ARMS would be able to handle it. It's just... what she had to do. She made a choice that should not have been one. As a result...
She raises a hand, palm facing up, and a flame flickers to life in her hand. "This sort of thing is so normal to me. I kind of took it for granted. But I guess that when I don't do what I'm 'supposed' to do..." She closes her hand, extinguishing the flame. "...It's all too easily turned against me."
She grimaces a bit. She's not explaining this very well, is she. She taps her lower lip with a finger in thought. How to put it in Azoth's terms... She nods to herself, after a moment.
"Think of it like... a power flow reversal. That's kind of like what happened. Everything still works the same at first, but... you can tell something isn't right. A discomfort in everything you do. The longer it goes on, the worse it feels. Until the strain gets so bad that everything just... collapses."
She rubs the back of her neck. "Um, does that make sense? It's hard to compare it to something else, but I think that's about right." With a small shrug, she continues, "So, yeah, even though the fighting ended up going as well as could be expected - probably better than anyone expected honestly - I just felt awful throughout all of it. And it wasn't getting any better, not even after the fighting was over. And while I was lying in bed, all out of energy, that's when it hit me. 'This is punishment.' And, 'I have to go back.' Sure enough... a few days back in Filgaia, and I felt just fine again."
She looks to Azoth for confirmation. "That's what a failsafe is, isn't it? Something that happens because something else wasn't done the way it was supposed to?"
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth does not take his eyes from Xantia's, even though he's already learned he can't conclude anything from that. He has to wait for her to speak, to use words and explain it, each one spelling out a reality that doesn't seem fair. He's chained in code. In overrides and failsafes. Someone like Xantia isn't supposed to be. Revulsion isn't an experience Azoth's familiar with, but that's all he can define it as: a reaction to something that simply should not be.
But it is, and he cannot hug it or will it gone.
His attention turns to the flame. Xantia's the one who tries to meet him halfway while he searches for his own words, using his vocabulary.
"It hurts," Azoth says with a pained smile. "Which also barely covers it, I know. There's a lot of nuance in pain. Levels and layers of it." Not just in her getting sick, but in feeling wrong on every level...
"...Punishment." Azoth's gaze goes dim and distant again. "Yes. Something that forces you to operate as you were 'meant' to, and prevent you from acting as you weren't. A punishment to make sure everything works as intended."
By someone other than themselves.
"That doesn't make it your fault." There's a quiet conviction in Azoth's voice suddenly. "Whatever purpose you have, living freely in spite of it... that's not a fault." Words continue to fail him here, none of them feeling precise to describe the value of such a thing. That she was able to do it at all is something surreal and amazing. An impossibility brought to life.
But at such a cost... he's afraid that she's more like him than either of them knew.
"Even if it's something like protecting Filgaia... That's not something anyone should be forced to do."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia remains quiet as she listens to Azoth's take on these matters. Subdued, almost. It's a difficult topic, one which she expects to met with understanding, but that doesn't actually make it any better. It may in fact make it worse. It's not the kind of thing you'd want others to have to understand. She can only hope she didn't describe it so well that it actually causes pain. ...Really, she's not sure what she's trying to accomplish, exactly. Maybe she should have kept it simple and vague. Not much point in dwelling on it, when nothing either of them could do would make it better. She just has to be more careful next time.
...Wait, did he just say it wasn't her fault? Xantia doesn't bother masking an altogether astonished expression. Maybe she didn't explain very well, after all? So flagrantly going against your intuition, of course that's a mistake. It's like going against your very nature.
...Oh. You can see Xantia realizing something before she actually voices it, hands covering her mouth in surprise. "...Oh!" She was blaming herself for something she'd tell Azoth not to blame himself for. She was doing the same sort of thing that she'd encourage Azoth to do. She can hear herself saying it now. 'Don't worry about what you should do, focus on what you want to do.' Even if it's questionable whether she was actually doing what she most wanted to do in this instance... the message comes through loud and clear.
"You're right... you're right...! S-sorry," she stammers right after, worried that she might have undermined her own past advice. "I don't know... why I didn't look at it that way." It's always different when it's yourself, isn't it?
Trying her level best to lighten the mood, as well as turn attention away from herself, she pats Azoth on the shoulder, back to being all smiles. "Listen to you, you've come to look at things very differently from before, haven't you? No more just accepting things as they are for you, huh? I'm glad." It's different when it's yourself... but it shouldn't be.
She takes the opportunity to steer the conversation away from the difficult stuff, urging, "So... what did happen with Heimdall Gazzo? Not really satisfied with just the rumors, tell me all about it!"
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
It is always different when it's yourself, and Xantia's sudden realization hits Azoth with his own taken aback look. It's the 'right' thing to say. It's what they're supposed to say, how they want things to be, and what Xantia would believe when the positions are reversed. A reminder of her own advice and own way of being. Not their fault. Not their will. Xantia apologizes with terrifying understanding, and Azoth's expression breaks.
Because it means it is exactly the same for her after all.
Azoth's smile is a broken thing. "You're not supposed to understand me this well."
And then she comforts him over it. Azoth catches her patting hand in his to stop her, but not unkindly. "Xantia... Don't put my hurt above yours." But there's a helplessness starting to well. Trapped. Overridden. Failsafes. Are their fates so inescapable?
He hesitates with her question. This is an uncomfortably successful subject change! Xantia probably doesn't even to mean to play it so well, but with a sickness tied to failsafes related to Filgaia, it may be important to supply the relevant data. "...Vinsfeld was defeated, the weapon was destroyed, and the remains of Odessa abandoned his cause in favor of their loyalty to one another. " His smile turns nervous. Rumors. She'll probably hear about Kamui and DELTA later if she hasn't already.
"Regrettably, I wasn't there to punch Vinsfeld personally. Our group was separated when DELTA tried to commandeer the Heimdall Gazzo. Ah... DELTA is an ancient program. A computer virus. They collect data and compute different possible outcomes on a massive scale. Unfortunately, the dataset was biased -- predictably so, given it was wartime -- and every calculated outcome ended in destruction and failure, leading to the conclusion that everything should be destroyed to protect, at the very least, smaller oceanic lifeforms."
That smile of his is growing more awkward by the second. "The virus infected Kamui, a Reploid friend of mine. DELTA used to be connected to Zeboim AIs to assist in their computations in the past... It corrupted many of them. Killed them. But we were able to recalibrate DELTA and Kamui, and though it wasn't without consequences, she and ARMs survived the battle."
If he holds the next part from Xantia for too long, Azoth gets the sense he's going to be in trouble.
"And DELTA may have reminded me how I lost my memories in the first place..."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Even if the smile is broken, it fails to break Xantia's stride, who instantly retorts, "Weren't we going to stop with the whole 'supposed to' thing?" She doesn't say it unkindly, certainly doesn't mean it unkindly... but it's unclear whether she really understood Azoth's meaning at that time. She may have understood that better when her hand is caught, visibly surprising her. Was it something she said...?
Ultimately though, it just makes her want to push back harder. "I'm not! But your hurt is important too, and I'll keep reminding you of that until you can believe it on your own." It's a difference of perspectives, in the end. In spite of everything, Xantia's tendency towards optimism hasn't faltered. Just because she's discovered a new obstacle doesn't mean she can't overcome it.
Whatever the reason for it may be, it's a relief to change subjects all the same, for more than one reason. One of which is simple curiosity, she needs details! Which is why she looks unsatisfied at the initial words. That's not much more than the rumors said, wordlessly urging to get to them details already.
...They're not at all the details she was expecting. "A computer virus?" she repeats with concern upon hearing those words. It's pretty obvious that she's immediately assuming Azoth had to deal with that in the most direct fashion. Destroying all other forms of life in favor of protecting micro-organisms... that's the exact conclusion Demetrioi reached too. Her brow furrows.
"...Why does every calculated outcome about Filgaia have to end with deciding to commit mass murder? That's the point where you should obviously go 'nope, that's no good, find another way'. I swear, what even is that logic?" Is it any wonder that she invented her own logic? If these are the conclusions actual logic comes to, Xantia Logic is the only kind that makes sense!
Being only vaguely familiar with Kamui, the subsequent revelations don't hit her very hard one way or another. Sounds like it all ended up about as well as it could, much like she'd concluded about her own battles.
Until that last remark introduces far too many new possibilities on how things could have gone. But again, defaulting to optimism and learning things as a positive thing, she can't keep the eagerness to hear more out of her voice. "Oh?? What did you learn?"
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Everything about this is wrong. These aren't things that are supposed to happen to someone made of third options. He doesn't want them taken from her the way they were from him. But Xantia's got Azoth cornered. It may not have been quite what he meant, but it doesn't make her statement less true. 'Supposed to' is a false concept being used to control them, and even in this context, isn't going to assist them.
Despite everything, Xantia remains stubborn. Azoth slumps his shoulders in a mock sigh, but smiles back. Unrelenting, really. As he said at the start of all of this... he should know better, given all the data he has on Xantia, than to worry.
Well, she's nothing if not skilled in adding more Xantia Data to carve into the margins of error. "... All right," he relents. "You've managed miracles before."
At least he's self aware. (Being self aware is the entire Azoth Problem, depending on who you ask.)
Xantia Logic IS the only kind that makes sense, THANK YOU, Xantia. Azoth's eyes light up as she complains, posture straightened. He nearly vibrates on the spot, trepidations shoved aside in favor of enthusiastic agreement. "Right? Exactly! We do as we're programmed to, but why define 'life' or 'the world' in our code as such that we could make interpretations devaluing certain organisms on such a scale? Or at all? It's completely illogical from a perspective of wanting to safeguard anything...!"
But then Xantia's got the eager eyes of Amnesiac Anonymous with the promise of new information, and Azoth sobers. He looks to Xantia with his own unreadable expression, but he fails to calculate a gentle delivery. He tries to put on a smile, but the only one that won't look fake is something sheepish.
"I did it."
He sets his hand over the center of his chest. Light courses from chest to fingertips in bright blue and fuchsia. "Back then, when I was connected to DELTA, the only futures I could see for myself were being destroyed in battle, destroyed by file corruption, or destroyed when I was no longer needed even should we achieve victory."
Another reason he had said what he said before. Always different when it's someone else, but sometimes -- often -- with Xantia, not so different at all.
"I couldn't stop. I couldn't shut myself down. But I calculated a loophole... I could use my Void Drive to teleport myself in pieces across worlds, and my data partitioned with them... Ending my use as a weapon."
And then, in that moment, every calculation had returned to him. The process ran again, he understood himself as trapped again, weaponized again, headed only for tragedy again, and history very nearly repeated. Except...
He refocuses on Xantia suddenly. "...I have a strange favor to ask. Can you ask me for another promise? Anything you want."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
Xantia is just glad that Azoth sees reason, in the end. That's all it is to her, that one way everything makes sense that she's decided to focus on as absolute truth. If there's going to be any 'supposed to', it's going to be something positive, and that's that. With a viewpoint like that, perhaps it's not so odd that she gives Azoth a blank stare in response to his claims. "When have I managed any miracles?"
Just... a fully genuine response. It's hard to see anything as a miracle when you keep shifting the definition of what is normal towards what you think it should be. Redefining one's 'normal' is one thing amnesia has made very easy, for better or for worse. It can't be a bad thing when it leads to a better type of logic than the one most have decided on as 'truth', can it?
Naturally, she's all too happy to reinforce Azoth on that perspective, grinning widely. "Yeah, that's it! That's-- well, okay, I didn't completely understand what you just said, but that sounds like the way it should go! It's like, calculations only get you so far to begin with, but if you have to go by whatever your calculations say, why did you stop there? You can't just go 'okay I'm done' when you reach a terrible answer. That just means you missed something, so you have to look for whatever that something is!"
When every option you arrive at is bad, you haven't reached an answer, you have to look further beyond for the missing data points. Her fabled 'third option', in so many words. No taking the 'easy' way out, that's the same as giving up.
...Speaking of. "You... what?"
Taking away your own memory, by choice. If there was ever a thing that Xantia would not be able to understand, it would be that. But her mind works quickly. That was Azoth then. That's not who Azoth is now. He wouldn't choose to do that now. He'd choose to look for that third option. That's what she believes. What she has to believe. She won't ask him to confirm, because it's fact, end of story.
She hasn't quite decided on how to respond, when Azoth asks her that question. "Huh? A promise?" Even under Xantia's definition of normal, that's still a strange favor to ask, out of nowhere like this. And it's sure putting her on the spot. It doesn't feel like she should be just saying anything here. It should be something big. "I, uh..." she starts after a short pause, needing a moment longer.
Then it hits her - she's overthinking this. All she has to do is to is look towards the future, and be honest about her ultimate wishes.
"...When we both get our memories back, then, no matter what... promise we'll still be friends."
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth 'laughs' at Xantia's blank look, in the sense his face takes on the look of someone who's about to, helping make it less uncanny that none of the sound comes out. It's a display of fondness, not mockery. Truly, Xantia's commitment to normalizing the impossible is not to be underestimated.
"For someone like me, this existence of the 'third option' is a miracle itself. But maybe that notion is a fault in my own logic."
Azoth nods along as Xantia continues to support his perspective, agreeing with each added thought. "I would have contested that before, but I think I'm starting to understand what you mean about the limitations of calculation. Either way -- you're right. If a conclusion ends in failure, then it's incomplete."
Perhaps the reason Xantia's logic checks out so well with Azoth is that he's the sort of machine that was not designed to accept failure in his objectives as an option. Unfortunately, problems begin where Azoth defines 'success' and 'failure'... And in putting him in the wrong hands. But he still has a question for himself: what were -- are -- his true objectives that shredding his body and identity was determined a viable behavior?
Warning: 276 corruptions identified in objective data. Objectives unstable. Continued operation at risk for critical failure.
It's a question Azoth desperately needs an answer to.
ERROR: Promise in progress.
...But until he finds it, he can engineer his own fault tolerances. Azoth cannot refuse to execute his promise to maintain that. A promise with no intention of completion counts as a failure. He needs something to replace the one he is about to complete. So he waits, silent and patient, with his internal warnings as company. He knows it's unfair to spring this on Xantia without context, but Azoth doesn't need an attempt to outsmart the system. He needs something straightforward and honest.
When we both get our memories back, then, no matter what... promise we'll still be friends.
Azoth stares back at her, eyes widened a fraction. Of all the things to ask for... A neon spectrum of color bleeds into his gaze with a flicker of light. "I promise." There's a reverb in his voice, subtle, easy to miss, a voice bigger than him and bigger than the present moment. All of him, face and voice and light, softens the next he speaks, his smile trying to be reassuring. "No matter what. Whoever we were, whoever we are, and whoever we become... Whatever overrides and failsafes that come with us."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
That response gets Xantia thinking, if nothing else. Is it truly possible that things that are so completely natural for her could be equivalent to miracles to others? She doesn't always understand the strong reactions people can have when all she's doing is... talk how she normally would. She's really not doing that consciously, but maybe that's what makes it special, somehow? Actually, what is even the definition of a 'miracle'? If it's just 'something that's not supposed to happen still happening', then... miracles may in fact appear completely normal to her.
...Her brain hurts a little trying to figure that one out. Best not to dwell on it, like she tries to avoid dwelling on any questions she knows she won't be able to find a definitive answer for right now. You just can't do that when there are so many of those questions.
Needing to recover her momentum a little, she's a little lower on the enthusiasm scale by the time she's told that she has the correct perspective. "I'm glad you think so. I try my best to kind of... translate the way I think to your terms, when I can." Which was probably obvious, but at least it's confirmation that this isn't something that comes natural, it's something she does specifically to try and communicate better with Azoth. With a chuckle, she adds, "Maybe it's not really necessary. The words are different, but I don't think the concepts are. Still... I feel like I'm learning something important, this way. Apparently I'm managing to make sense, but be honest when I don't, okay?"
...Was she stalling, just now? She's unsure herself. But by the time she's finished talking, she's decided against pressing for more details on what Azoth apparently did to himself. It was her first impulse, but thinking about it... this strongly feels like one of those times where a fact was remembered without the necessary context to make sense of it. That sure is something she knows well. It only hurts more to be confronted with the reality of answers often only leading to more questions. And the last thing she wants to do is cause more pain in that regard.
And so, instead... focus on the promise. She makes it an important one, a long-term one, one from the heart. Was that the kind of promise that was being asked for? She has just enough time to wonder about that, when the promise is agreed upon. No questions asked. Xantia is a little stunned, for a reason she can't quite explain. After all, it's a promise that she'd have readily agreed upon in the same way. On some level, she understands that it can't be quite that easy for Azoth. And yet.
Even her normally bright smile is a little brighter for it, raising a clenched fist as she responds, "Yeah! I promise too! Whatever happens, I'll never forget - friends forever!" Her index finger uncurls from the raised hand. "And, since we're such good friends, there's something I really want you to tell me..."
Her gaze drifts diagonally downwards, towards something that may have gone neglected thus far, but never forgotten. "What's in the box, Azoth? How could you go this long without telling me, don't you know how curious I am?" Of course this whole conversation was important too, but... do you really think she would not suspect there was food in there, and thus something never far from her mind?
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
So much, Azoth's learned, comes down to how terms are defined. It's the heart of why so many artificial intelligences reach their faulty, unexpected conclusions. The ability to shift those definitions is critical for self-awareness... and being unable to, or shifting them beyond intended parameters, leads to unexpected results.
That is to say, Azoth's concluded Xantia's definitions of a number of variables to be the most logical, and this will undoubtedly end up a problem for someone. But there are people in this world who may deserve a few extra problems.
Azoth smiles more subdued with Xantia's drop in enthusiasm. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I know it's... a lot." That he's a lot. "I'm always trying to translate my words too, and sometimes I don't know if I'm interpreting my code into informal language accurately. I guess that's not unique. Everyone's internal world is different, and words aren't always precise." He shakes his head. "But... you make a lot of sense to me. More than most people do."
As for his memories, Xantia is unfortunately correct in her assessment. Another tragedy of being too alike.
But not so much Azoth had ever expected such a promise. Any little thing would have sufficed. It was, however, erroneous on his part to expect Xantia to do anything 'little'. Promises are not something Azoth can keep easily, sometimes at all. Was it cruel to ask Xantia for something he knew he might never be able to keep because the overrides would rip it away? But maybe Xantia was aware of that ahead of him, already understanding his position without having to overthink it. She asked for something that even Azoth, as he is, could hold onto.
He doesn't expect Xantia to so readily return it in kind, or for it to stir his core as he absently squeezes his fingers against his own chest.
"Thank you. ...Really, thank you." It's one of those moments when the words don't feel right, unable to reflect the electricity in his wires and circuits and the way his code falls into place. A pale approximation. This must be part of why Xantia hugs people.
Luckily for Azoth's cooling systems, Xantia turns his attention to The Box, and Azoth is able to seamlessly shift his demeanor. His grip on his chest loosens and transforms into a foppish gesture of pride. "I am so glad you asked!"
He plucks the box back up, presenting it to Xantia, that pride turning more sheepish.
"Okay, maybe no one should get excited just yet. I... did what you asked me to. I think. Calculations are... most of what I am. I'm always calculating for optimization. In battle. With people. And the cake." He looks down at the box, frowning. "When I first made one for you, I wanted it to be 'perfect'. Like how I was designed to perfect actions in combat, and how I try to perfect my behavior around others..." Optimize parameters for the ideal weapon. Optimize social behaviors to maximize his odds of positive relationships. Optimize a cake so it would be successful.
Experiment, calculate... manipulate. A fabricated ideal. An imitation.
"So I 'turned off' the optimizations for that perfection. I tried to do what 'feels right'. And. Uh. Well."
Azoth opens the box: a cake box. And within it, a cake.
...If only it were that simple.
An apple cake, again. It's round...ish. That's a lie. It's lopsided vertically and horizontally. It has all manner of chopped apple contained throughout it, the crisped edges of apple slices poking up through the surface like shrapnel (why!) that an uneven layer of frosting (was it frosted or was it splattered out of a cannon?!) (don't ask questions you don't want the answer to) do not hide. At some point during creation, someone (Azoth) seems to have cleaved through it with A SWORD (an energy blade), but the damaged difference has been filled in with... rock candy.
It almost gives the illusion this cake is some manner of edible geode. Or a mound of dirt with rocks in it. Depends on perspective.
At least it is edible. Safe for consumption, at any rate. Spicier than sweet, crunchy and soft at the same time, and covered in (candy) rocks.
Whether this is a novelty or a disaster remains in the eye of the beholder.
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
It's really quite astounding how things ended up this way. Uncomplicating the complicated is simply the way Xantia first started understanding things, after losing her memory. If you don't understand it, keep simplifying until it's easy! At first she needed other people's help to do that for her, then she started doing it herself whenever possible. And that approach has worked so well that it became the only thing that made sense, that's really all there is to it. And yet... this simplification-based way of thinking appears to be unique enough that it can introduce a whole new subset of logic that no programmer would ever think of. Who knew?
"Weird, isn't it," she muses on the matter of language, "When you think you said something that made total sense, and everybody reacts like you just said the strangest thing? I know what that's like. But you know what? It doesn't matter. People who care about you will do their best to understand you, even if it takes a little effort." She's speaking in general terms, but she's aware of the similarities, as evidenced when she turns her smile back on Azoth. "People did it for me. Why wouldn't I do that for you?"
It all just comes naturally. To treat others the way others treated her - or, in a few thankfully rare cases, the way she wishes others would treat her. Pure and simple Xantia Logic. Still... it's also true that, whether consciously aware of it or not, she's more proactive in regards to certain individuals. It would be fair to say that she's gone the extra mile for Azoth. Their similarities are certainly part of that, but it wouldn't be something she'd be able to fully explain. Because this enters the realm of emotions, which no logic helps to makes sense of, not even Xantia Logic.
Case in point: she can feel 'something' in response to seeing how Azoth reacts to what she felt like a simple 'responding in kind' sort of situation. But she's not quite sure what that 'something' is. She can only look on with a confused expression, wondering why the impulse for a hug is there all of a sudden. It's not because she felt the need to console... was there something about that reaction that made her particularly happy? But why? He was just thanking her for doing something that was no big deal, right? ...This is exactly what happens when you try to apply logic to emotions.
Luckily, this doesn't become an awkward moment of silence because there was an obvious distraction to be distracted by. Food! Or the assumption of food, anyway. There's a matter that's always simple. Then again, perhaps this time there's a reason to be more excited, as she already suspects this to be the fruit(cake) of Azoth's labor. She 'patiently' waits for Azoth to finish his... justification, for how it turned out. As in, that's totally wasted on her, all she cares about is seeing the result. And when she at last does...
Well, she doesn't laugh, at least. That might be a good sign? Then again, she also isn't eating. She appears to be... studying it, with a neutral expression. Trying to figure out exactly how this was the result. After a moment of looking up close, she pulls back a little, rubbing her chin in thought. After what may have seemed like an eternity, she finally turns to Azoth with a lopsided, but genuine smile.
"Not bad for a first try!"
She means that, too. She was fully aware of the magnitude of what she was asking Azoth to do. The fact that even with a handicap that huge, he managed to create something that still resembles food this much is honestly impressive. Not to mention meaningful, honoring her request rather than taking the easy way out by declaring it impossible.
It certainly does appear messy, imperfect, and completely nonsensical. But that's exactly what the Third Option often looks like.
However, this is not the kind of cake where 'taking a slice' would be an easy option. And so, without hesitation, Xantia just sticks her hand into the cake, as if she were pulling out its guts. An imperfect cake requires an imperfect way of consumption. And Xantia for one is fine for that, looking no less happy to be stuffing her face in this manner. As for her judgement on the taste... Is that even really a question?
"Mm... it's good!"
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
The more something is simplified, the more elegant it gets. At least if you ask Azoth, who finds that simplified code has far less room for error. There's no denying Azoth's learning algorithms turned his code far more complex than intended, but not all problems have complex solutions. Many don't! Xantia is proof enough of that.
Everyone, Azoth supposed, makes sense to themselves. But not everyone gets Those Looks. Like they said something weird, or, worse, explaining what you are to be met with pity, knowing you'll never be a different creature -- and not even wanting to be. But those who care will always try, Xantia says.
He smiles back. "I don't doubt the effort, but sometimes it feels like you see right through me without even trying. It's... been less lonely."
What goes unspoken is wondering if he could provide the same. Sometimes he feels like he understands what Xantia goes through, but he doesn't know how to do anything to lessen its weight. They're similar, but they're not the same... Both of them have aspects to themselves even they don't know and can't fully predict.
But now there's a promise. It all loops back around and merges together: it doesn't matter, because the people who care will try to understand, and that's who they are. No matter what happens, or whatever they discover.
There's also a cake! Because if Azoth understands one thing about Xantia, it is that she is fond of food. Xantia's careful study of the cake has Azoth looking between her and it with new attention to detail. What is it she's observing? Azoth wouldn't be Azoth if he wasn't constantly trying to determine everything a few steps ahead.
How many steps ahead would someone need to be to know how on Filgaia this cake happened?! If it had been anyone other than Xantia asking him to try it this way, Azoth wouldn't have agreed to it. It would have been dismissed as impossible, and as a request that only comes from failing to understand him.
From Xantia, it was the opposite.
When Xantia smiles and praises him, Azoth perks right up with a cheerful sequence of victory beeps. "Mission success!" He is utterly unfazed by her taking a whole fistful of cake, and his eyes are filled with sparkles at she declares the cake good.
Then he guiltily glances aside. "I don't know if it counts as a first try, exactly..." Poor Fei. Poor cakes. "But... it was a fun experiment. Thank you."
<Pose Tracker> Xantia has posed.
The similarities certainly make it easier. Recognizing one's own aspects in others can explain at least some of what Xantia can see in Azoth that others might not. For one thing... "Less lonely," she echoes with a nod. She is intimately familiar with how lonely it can be to simply know there are ways in which you're fundamentally different from others. While many seek something to make uniquely theirs... Xantia finds that she more often wishes she was more like everybody else. And in that, Azoth is already helping. Though he may lament how far the similarities go, to Xantia it is a comfort to share this much in common with someone.
She doesn't object to it out loud, but as such, she might argue that it's less 'seeing through', and more simply 'seeing'. Without even trying, indeed. Everything about this just makes too much sense to her.
This promise represents her hope. Hope and faith, that everything will turn out well in the end. No matter what twists and turns will need to be overcome to get there, good things await once it's all said and done. It's almost as good as a cake promise. Almost.
Much like the new promise, this promise is one that was never far from Xantia's mind. She is no cake expert, she's not even a food expert, she just kind of likes everything. But there's something special about things that were made just for you. Let alone based on an unreasonably difficult request. Sure, she's curious what the heck happened to make it look like that, and is no wiser about that by the end of her inspection. But does that part of it really matter? Mouthful of cake says 'nope'.
She also says that out loud. "Nope! Don't want to hear about that!" The failed attempts, she means. No ruining the good vibes by telling her about all the food that was wasted in order for this to happen. Focus on the positive, like she does. "I think it's fine to not count failed attempts."
As for the thanks, she takes that in stride, along with another handful of cake. "No, thank you, for the tasty results! See, I told you it'd be totally worth the effort."
'Getting to eat cake' is totally not what you meant by that before, Xantia. But it sure is all she's thinking about right now. And as an extra bonus, when it's Azoth making the cake there's no point in even offering to share, she gets to eat eeeeverything. Sounds like an ideal conclusion to her!
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
It's a double edged sword. Azoth always thought he wanted to be better understood, but... it hurts, sometimes. Even so, it's always less lonely for it, and her echoed sentiment plays into what's becoming an infinite feedback loop. He smiles at her faintly, worrying even an imperfect smile is an imitation of something he's not.
Seen through... the belief that Xantia were cutting through a deception. No. She simply sees. He might even realize that himself in time, and worry about every smile a little less.
Worried or not, Azoth's smile brightens back up again as Xantia protests, remembering her dismay before about the possibility of an exploded cake. "Right, right. Of course. First attempt! No others!" He grins broader with another cheerful beep, puffing up with pride from the chest. "And not a bad one!" Praise good enough for Azoth.
It's not lying if Xantia set the terms! The failures don't count!
(This, too, could be an interesting logic to apply in future scenarios. Don't worry. It'll be fine. Probably.)
But watching Xantia enjoy cake by the fistful with no need to share it...
"Yes," he says easily. "It was worth it."