2024-02-21: Absolutely Nothing to Worry About
- Log: Absolutely Nothing to Worry About
- Cast: Loren Voss, Azoth
- Where: Bledavik - Noble Quarter
- Date: February 21, 2024
- Summary: Loren seeks out Azoth to ask of him a favor. It is a favor he may yet regret.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
He is not back on duty -- not yet.
This is a mixed blessing. On one hand, he's no longer tethered to an IV and confined to a bed and he's yet to be confined again to his desk chair again. But now that he's out of the medical ward with nothing else to occupy him (certainly no more tests and examinations), he's increasingly ended up thinking about things he doesn't want to think about. Once upon a time, his biggest concern would have been the month's worth messages that have piled up since his departure for Nede (yes, even with the away messages set). But-- no, things like that aren't what what occupy him anymore.
(Though, damn, those messages are going to be a pain in the ass...)
Rather, he's found himself thinking again of what he'd realized about Leah -- or what Leah said.
Recover well. You have a lot ahead of you. That man's Ether...
And that's not even touching on the things he's forcefully kept at arm's length because to think about them otherwise would be atrocious. ...For him, that is.
Other people might well argue, if they were given the front-row seat to his thoughts that they're precisely the sorts of things he ought to be thinking about more. Still, for whatever it's worth, Loren is the type to do his catastrophic overthinking in stages, and what Leah had said to him, bitter pill that it is, is at least that much easier for him to swallow.
Another time, he would have spent his day off (since that's what it is, effectively) taking a nap or reading something. Maybe he would have gone somewhere else than the base. Or maybe not.
Today sees him heading out to the Gear hangar, since that seems like the most likely place where he would have gone, and it's not as if he feels like it would be a good idea to ask Leah about where Azoth might be.
He's dressed more naturally today -- he's not in Gebler uniform and instead wears the blandly colored off-duty attire favored by officers who aren't attempting to fit in with the surface-dwelling Lambs. A far cry from his uniform or even the fashions of Etrenank, it's meant to help someone fade into the background. If you're not on duty, after all, you're just someone to be worked around.
They moved Schiehallion here, is the first thing he notices, pausing within the hangar to stare up at his Gear. It looks like it's been worked on, and recently. Did Leah do that...?
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
There was more to Azoth's 'repair' than his physical body. He has battered himself incessantly throughout his operation, so that isn't a new consideration. It's the internal check up that has always been the issue in deploying the Azoth, and having gone missing so long on a highly technological planet -- while spitting out error prompts and engaging in erratic behavior -- demanded an intense investigation of Azoth's code. Scrub out newer defenses, reinstall old override data, test, retry, solidify.
Time gets lost when it's that overwhelming. There's always the question: what if this time, they learn how delete the parts they don't like for good? What if this time, they installed what wasn't there before?
There are his own diagnostics to run into the aftermath, all while he knows that if they did their jobs correctly, he would never know that something precious had gone missing in the first place. For now, no contradictions are found. For now, the corruptions are about the same as they ever were.
Too much, and too many.
Loren guesses correctly. This is where Azoth has gone to run such computations -- it's no secret that Azoth haunts Gear hangers frequently, when given access. (It is a secret, to some, that the Gear he looks at most forlornly -- if a robot can be forlorn -- is himself. But that Gear is not stored here.)
He remains in his mechanical visage, leaving no features to his face to read beyond the light of his visor. Up in the walkways, he sits, slumped and unmoving. He holds a quartz crystal delicately in his claws, as if it were brittle glass instead of stone. Only the faintest light pulsing in his circuits suggests he's 'on'
That, and as Loren approaches, Azoth speaks despite the stillness.
"Shouldn't you be resting, User Loren?"
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
If it had just been moved, that would be expected, if in and of itself a suggestion of where Leah's attention was about to be focused. Until recently, after all, he was concentrated in the Aquvy theatre, having been moved there under her guidance. Her control, too, he's quick to remind himself. As it is with everyone else he knows, Loren is of two minds regarding Leah Sadalbari.
But, no. It's the signs of work being done on it recently that give him pause. That means that something is in the offing... and that it's going to involve him. His shoulders sag. She doesn't play around, does she...
Lost in these thoughts, he hadn't seen the very person he'd come here to find. As it happens, Azoth sees him first.
He whips around sharply, picking out Azoth after a split-second's hurried searching across the landscape of the hangar walkways. "--There you are," he starts before then processing what Azoth had said to him.
"I was released from medical yesterday," he says, almost sounding indignant. Were it not for the memory of it being otherwise, it could be easy to think that the incarnation of Loren as some sort of sadistic avatar was all some kind of bad dream. He looks and sounds to be himself at a moment's observation, after all. "And I'm tired of my quarters."
The reality is that his attempts to take a nap had met with failure and he doesn't dare bring out bring out his new friends in the middle of the base in Bledavik, holy shit. But no one's asking and so he's definitely not telling.
Loren pauses, reflecting on Azoth's current appearance. His gaze lingers a moment long on the crystal the robot holds in his claws.
"So," he starts, realizing he'd really thought through this part poorly, "...how are you?"
He holds an increasingly strained-seeming neutral expression. Maybe... maybe he should have just cut to the chase after all, he thinks to himself.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
There Azoth is. So Loren was looking for him. This confirmation alone makes Azoth lift his head up to look toward Loren. As if it matters beyond a social performance... And does it? Azoth is still running those calculations on Loren Voss. On Solaris as a whole. On anyone he's ever met. This game is a lot of effort, and the tangles have all backed him into a painful corner. What moves does the Azoth still have that it can make and win?
There isn't a winning play. There never was. But he has to continue to believe that to find one. That's the logic the Azoth has been taught.
"That does not answer my question," Azoth says, not unkindly, but not kindly either. Monotone and reverberating. A machine's response. Loren being released does not mean he does not still need rest. After that whole scene... Loren and the Drive, the terrifying joy in his laughter, the strange possessiveness of speech, the complete embrace of everything Solaris...
Azoth is not so sure his read on Loren was ever correct. But does he not owe it to Lan to cling to the possibility?
He takes to gazing at that crystal again.
"You know how I am and that there is no altering the state of it." A simple fact. "Small talk does not behoove you and I, User Loren."
But nor can Azoth predict why it is Loren has come to find him, nor at what he should provoke and prod. The situation has become delicate. Dangerous.
This time, he turns his head only as far as he must for the gleam to settle on Loren, giving him full attention again.
"You may speak without preamble."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Does Drive create the sorts of personality traits that the Ministry has seen fit to suit their ends, or does it merely coax out what already lies dormant somewhere in the recesses of a person's psyche? More than a few Solarian soldiers have pondered over this very question in the wake of a horrific battle, but there are few solid conclusions that may be drawn.
The answer, as it so typically is, may lie more towards the middle range than proponents of either might prefer.
Loren's reaction to Azoth's response is to sigh, irritation fluttering across his expression. He knows what Azoth is getting at -- and probably, he's right. But he hasn't been able to find rest today, not by halves: his mind keeps returning to that fight. Right now, that's the thing he least wants to think about. --No, that's not entirely right. It's the second-most thing he wants to think about.
The third-most thing, on the other hand...
Is it encouraging, perhaps (if that's the right word), that Azoth's answer to his poor attempt at small talk evokes the shadow of a wince to crease Loren's face?
He hadn't asked Leah about Azoth. He knew what she'd have said, or thought of him. Or maybe she would have just looked at him in that way of hers. Best not to say anything, even if he's all but sure she can read his mind, regardless. And he's not in engineering and he doesn't (now) have anyone in that department who would regard him favorably, so that was right out. But he could guess, couldn't he? He's not a stupid man.
Azoth would destroy you, given the chance, Leah had said to him. This, among all the things that Leah had told him, is something that Loren knows to be true. It's only the directives that have preserved him, time and again. Azoth isn't a friend.
He certainly wouldn't be one now.
And yet, Loren doesn't have a lot of great options, particularly not after that... fight.
"Are they letting you out?" he asks Azoth. "Are you able to talk to... them?"
He hesitates, visibly. But as directed, he cuts to the chase.
"I need you to tell-- Gwen something," he settles on, shifting the target (so to speak) one person over. "It's about the Stranger. But they can't know it was from me."
Probably, he darkly suspects, some of his worst fears seeping up from the depths from where he's confined them, because they'd ignore it if they knew it was from him.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
That has always been Azoth's experience. But perhaps the machine protests too much. He is controlled by code to take actions not his own, but calculated in his own way. They are not his choices, but they are his execution. Is Drive the same? The reverse? Free choice but compelled execution? The results are the same. Perhaps that's all that matters.
The sigh, at least, piques some code in Azoth's calculations. Loren is more Loren again. Loren is reacting again. Loren is, most importantly, annoyable again. Not that Azoth means to annoy him.
Not yet, anyway.
And that wince... Azoth looks up again, antenna raising like a dog's ears when it realizes there is a potential treat about. Specifically, a treat it is not meant to have, but wonders if it could find a way to receive. Loren asks a peculiar question. A very peculiar question.
Azoth is silent while Loren hesitates, sensing that he will continue. The light of his visor brightens at the mention of Gwen's name, then visibly distorts at the mention of the Strange in Azoth's best approximation of what might read as 'alarm'.
They can't know it was from me. Frustrating, especially if Loren orders it. But better than nothing.
"I am still scheduled for automatous deployment. This is a region I have not searched. My orders remain, between missions, to regain my full utility and power." He pauses, but realizes this may not be clear: "I will see them again. I always do."
Suddenly, Azoth is upright and floating. More suddenly, Azoth teleports the short distance between them and is immediately in Loren's personal space.
"What does she need to know?"
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Just like that, Azoth is animated in a way that serves to make Loren deeply uncomfortable. And he hasn't even asked anything of him yet! All he's done is ask Azoth if they're letting him out yet.
Which, is assuming that they are. Or will, after what happened. But then again, it isn't as if certain things were included in Loren's report, and maybe they haven't pieced it together from their own diagnostics. Maybe, maybe, maybe...
But it's not as if Loren can go himself, and there's no one else he can trust with this, if 'trust' is even the right word.
But then, Loren explains himself, after a fashion and cuts to the chase of what he wants Azoth to try to do, if he can do it.
And so Loren waits, seeing if what he's trying to do is even feasible. If it isn't, then what? Put a note on one of his Pokemon and see if they can find Lan or Gwen? Get Runeberry to do it? ...Go himself?
Certainly not the last option. Certainly not.
But it sounds as if Azoth might be greenlit to eventually cross paths with Gwen. Or Lan. Loren, perhaps more obviously than he'd like, relaxes his stance. His shoulders sag in something approaching relief.
"Okay--"
It's as far as he gets before Azoth is literally up in his personal space, crossing the distance between them in little more than an eyeblink. Loren reacts predictably: he flinches away, drawing up his right arm as if to bar Azoth further passage. "Don't--" he starts only to stop just as quickly. His expression darkening, he glances away.
"...They need to be careful," he says, looping in Lan even though the message is 'meant' for Gwen. "Leah-- Major Sadalbari must have seen what happened. But it's more than that. They were running tests to scan for that man's Ether in me after that battle. I..." He looks away. "I don't know what it means." He doesn't want to know what it means. "But they should be... careful."
Leah Sadalbari is family. She's important to him. Where she leads, he knows he's bound to follow.
But it also doesn't mean that he trusts her ambitions, or what she's still concealing from him.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
There is one boon Azoth has among many in Solaris, and it is that do not think he has a will. In so many ways, Azoth would agree with them. But so long as they believe he can be controlled, they will continue to use him. So long as what he can provide outweighs the trouble, he will remain in operation. So long as it's easier to let him loose without constant supervision, they will not allocate more resources to the task.
They are getting closer to their goal of the Azoth, completed and ready for use, where the manual controls exist in his cockpit. And Axton has been sounding more confident. The walls are closing. But they have not yet.
Azoth is in Loren's space. This is practical, because it means Loren can speak softer. It is also very annoying, which is critical to Azoth's well being right now. Obnoxiousness is the closest thing Azoth has to scraps of agency.
His attention does not leave Loren as he delivers his message. 'They.' Gwen and Lan. Both touched by the Stranger, and Azoth having witnessed the way such a corruption has taken hold and torments each of them. Tests on Ether, no clear meaning. It's not a lot to go on... And yet Azoth's circuits vibrate with glee.
Bonus: Loren did not explicitly order Azoth not to say who the message was from. 'They can't know it was me,' conflicts too much with the why of it. Alas, tragic! For Loren.
Azoth floats back a fraction, given Loren a bit more of his own private bubble back. He brings a claw to his chin, animated anew in his visible contemplation.
"Is that all, User Loren?" he asks, as if it is not precious on its own. "Do you not have any other... confessions? Ah. No. I suppose such romantic gestures are better expressed personally. Very well! I shall do as you ask."
At least he's not moping anymore...?
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
For better or for worse, Loren is the exception to the general trend among his compatriots in how he both thinks and treats Aztoh. But is it out of some sense of compassion or simply because Loren is an incredibly paranoid young man?
(...Why not both?)
It really is practical, Loren realizes quickly enough, even if his knee-jerk reaction is one of alarm. After all, the Watcher has very good ears and she's always listening. Which might make this whole venture a bad idea, but...
It's not a lot to go on. It might have been more if he'd pressed Leah for more answers, but not only does that carry its own risks, it's a subject he's not sure he wants to know more about himself. He knows he'll regret this -- he always does -- but he's also not how much more truth he can handle without splitting right down the middle.
It's bad enough as it stands, feeling like he's being yanked in two directions and knowing that he's ultimately going to let at least someone down. If there were way to resolve everything, he'd take it in a heartbeat.
Still, if they know that much, at least they can do... something. Maybe. And maybe, Azoth can then in return let him know how they're doing. He'd hurt them, comes another piece of those forbidden thoughts from the depths of his heart. It had been different this last time, not the least because of the Power he'd been able to claim.
Loren knows he'll end up doing it again.
Azoth, though, giving him back his space (visible relief from Loren!) then asks if that's all, before asking about other... confessions.
"What," says Loren, achieving in his tone of voice a near platonic level of flatness. "What gesture?" There is time enough for Loren to begin to regard Azoth with the sort of growing unease one typically associates with the protagonist of a horror story. "What are you talking about?"
At least one of them seems to be happy!
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Loren has already admitted he thinks of Azoth as alive, which is quite enough for Azoth. If only Azoth did not seem so keen to use this knowledge for mischief and devilry. But it does show a great wisdom in Loren, whatever others may say about him. Whether paranoia or compassion, it's certainly better to assume Azoth is alive and be wrong than the other way around.
With Leah's involvement, Azoth is not of the mind -- or programming -- to press Loren for anything more either. Not directly. The Watcher is a terrifying title for its implications, and Leah more than backs up her threats. That haunting moment of being brought into the shuttle, Loren unconscious and Leah's full attention upon Azoth, asking after love. It reminded him too much of Axton, looking at his code, asking him for his definition of it.
What do they know?
But in this situation, Loren and Azoth have a possible advantage: a pattern of behavior that makes Azoth the more obvious assumption as a rogue element. It might buy time, if nothing else.
So this message is valuable. And who it is from, moreso. But then --
Azoth 'blinks' via two dots on his visor turning to lines and back to circles a few times. He turns back to Loren after his flourishing gesture threatened to turn him more away, and then cocks his head to the side.
"Oh dear."
Hm. This bout of amnesia also requires a good deal of reevaluation. But more importantly, and with a terrifying amount of contained glee:
"How much of the battle do you remember, User Loren? The banter, specifically."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
Leah is important to Loren. Dear, even, in the way that one's parents or siblings might be dear. His family is a broken thing still in the wake of his brother's death and however he might sometimes seem to the outside world, he clings tightly to what remains out of fear of losing it for good. This includes sisters-in-law.
But this doesn't mean he doesn't fear her. He had dreaded her wrath when fate had them again cross paths -- wondering if she would blame him, too, for what had happened to her. But that had given way to a more realistic fear once he had realized the scope of her role and influence in the Interior Ministry. Still, he had thought she had limits to what she would do...
...until recently. Until her body had been restored and she had been granted an eternity.
Now, Loren fears she has no limits.
And he himself is too much of a coward to stand in her way. Still, perhaps... perhaps there can be some small delays inserted into the way things seem almost destined to unfold. It's only a token effort, in the scheme of things, but--
Concerns like that though stand aside for a more present and damning one, which is to say: what in the world is Azoth doing now?
Loren feels like he's being mocked.
Agitation colors his body language. This is going somewhere he's not going to like, he knows it already. And never is it more clear when Azoth mentions the battle. Specifically, what he said during. Loren pointedly looks away. "I remember enough," he declares, looking pointedly away. It's disjointed, sure; he'd just about melted away his consciousness temporarily with the overdose of Drive, after all. He remembers fragments and impressions and suspects they're more than a little bit out of order, but he has the overall sense of what he said and did and who he hurt. He folds his arms over his chest. "Something unhinged, probably. Why?"
He does remember that feeling of euphoria. He remembers all too well that joy he'd felt: of making other people tremble before his power and of making them hurt and bleed.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Leah warned Loren that Azoth would destroy him, given the chance.
It's not a lie. Not from Leah's perspective, and probably not from Loren as he chooses to be for now, despite all his doubts, and even despite this message he wishes to send. But the way it isn't a lie in moments like these is far less poetic.
Loren claims to remember 'enough'.
Azoth presses his claws together in front of where his mouth should be. Such a gesture is usually accompanied by a deep inhale on a human. On Azoth, there is no such thing. So he skips to the part where he reaches to place his claw delicately and comfortingly on Loren's shoulder.
"You know, I think, perhaps, you should not think on it further. It was an intense battle. I lost an entire arm! Even Subject Lan Lilac may not have heard what you said. Or forgotten it entirely!"
He tries to give a pat.
"Forget I said anything. I am forty two point sixty three percent certain you have absolutely nothing to worry about."
That's not even half odds in Loren's favor!
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
There are a lot of things that could be said about that battle but--
A clawed hand delicately comes to rest on his shoulder as if to comfort him. For Loren, this is cold comfort of the highest sort and he looks the part.
There is a long, long moment of silence. Then:
"...What did I say?" Another pause. Then, somewhat more urgently, Loren asks again, "What did I say to her?"
He looks shellshocked, in a word, trying to hunt frantically through his disjointed and fragmented recollection for something so amiss that Azoth could regard him with such deep, abiding concern. And then pat him on the shoulder. Or, like do his best.
A long moment of silence follows.
"...That's less than half, Azoth..." Loren observes distantly, as if that fact alone were causing him a world-shattering amount of despair.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Azoth is eating up every moment of Loren's horrified silence, and then further when the questions come without Azoth answering. More delicious silence follows.
Ah, to experience joy again, even in these painful chains...
Less than half...
Azoth 'squints' again, claw to his chin as he half curls in his floating manner. "Oh, it is, isn't it? Funny."
Hilarious, even.
He looks back to Loren. "Hm. Well. I could play the soundbite back to you... Let me try to clear up the audio noise of the battle..."
His visor becomes a waveform of pink and fuchsia, but slowly shifts to a very familiar green of Loren's Ether while Azoth hums to himself to work on the file.
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
"It is," Loren insists, mute horror giving way for a familiar rush of irritation. How's he supposed to remember or make sense of much of anything in particular when it's all a mess in his head-- how is any of this his fault, whatsoever--
(well, except for all the parts that were absolutely his fault because he took a double dose of a combat drug after trying to abduct Azoth back to Solaris, but details)
But Azoth says he can play it back for him if wants. Loren... visibly hesitates. It might be better for some things to go unremembered.
On the other hand, if he ever runs into Lan again and she asks him something like, 'hey, what the fuck', it... might be a good idea to know about that beforehand.
"...Okay," he tells Azoth, seeming wary.
Inwardly, Loren braces for impact, watching as Azoth hunts through and cleans up his recording.
<Pose Tracker> Azoth has posed.
Loren... agrees! So brave, Loren Voss. May Lan spare him.
"As you command~," Azoth chirps, and somehow one can nearly feel that tilde in his speech.
Azoth makes a mock sound of clearing his throat. It's digitally garbled, but sercivable. And then, visor still mimicking the green of Loren's Ether, Azoth plays back Loren's voice. He has managed to clear out most of the background clamour of other voices, spell explosions, and Azoth's own humming energy.
"'She's mine!'"
Pause.
Azoth returns to his own voice. "If it reassures you, I do not claim any attempted possession over Lan Lilac. I do not calculate that this has any influence on your odds, however."
<Pose Tracker> Loren Voss has posed.
"'She's mine!'"
So speaks the recording of his own voice, echoing forth from Azoth.
"..."
Loren immediately undergoes a convincing transformation: one might believe this is, in fact, a cunning Loren-shaped statue standing before Azoth, so rigid and still Loren has gone. Loren, from his expression, looks as if he were instead focusing on a point a million miles away.
"..."
...This is a fake, right. This is a prank that Azoth is playing on him. It's a joke.
...Loren already knows it's not a joke or a prank. Instead he remains like that for a good five seconds more, which is time enough for the red flush of embarrassment to spread across his face. Probably his ears, too: that always happens when he's feeling especially humiliated.
But the spell ultimately breaks and he turns sharply away from Azoth and mumbling something that sounds a lot like, "I need to go," before booking it for the hangar doors.
Good news! He's definitely forgotten to order Azoth not to spill the beans about the source of the information he wanted him to relay to Gwen and Lan!